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communication frustrations JAWM vent


sassenach
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I have a family member in town who is really hard to communicate with. They ask a ton of questions- starting as soon as you get up (so 6:30am for me today). But they often don't actually listen to the answer, or start talking over me halfway through. Some of their questions are really off the wall. I find myself saying, "I don't understand what you mean" at least 20 times a day. They switch between subjects on a dime, so it's sometimes very hard to follow what they are talking about. This person is  neurotypical (except I think they probably have undiagnosed adhd) and very loving, but it's exhausting to spend the whole day like this. The kids and dh also struggle with this communication style. 

Just venting here because I have a few more days of navigating this!

Edited by sassenach
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I would quietly slip some caffeine into their lives to chill them out. You can make the WTM board's fabulous Peach Tea and they'll drink it down and never know you dosed them with a stimulant. :biggrin:

PS. I actually do this. One time my dd (ADHD) and a bunch of her seriously ADHD friends over, and one kid drank, no joke, at least half of a 2 gallon pitcher. That kid was SO on the couch, so out. I was like oh my, what have I done, lol.

Edited by PeterPan
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3 minutes ago, PeterPan said:

I would quietly slip some caffeine into their lives to chill them out. You can make the WTM board's fabulous Peach Tea and they'll drink it down and never know you dosed them with a stimulant. :biggrin:

PS. I actually do this. One time my dd (ADHD) and a bunch of her seriously ADHD friends over, and one kid drank, no joke, at least half of a 2 gallon pitcher. That kid was SO on the couch, so out. I was like oh my, what have I done, lol.

 
 

I think they must drink 12 cups of coffee a day, no joke. Morning to night.

ETA: I've never really thought about it, but when they got into town the other night, they said "Can you make me some coffee, I'm pretty amped up from the drive." It didn't occur to me till just now that they really do self medicate with coffee to produce a calming effect.

Edited by sassenach
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do they:

have ADD?  

have a hard time being alone with their own thoughts?

can't be bothered to actually "think" about things?  

 

my friend's son did this when he was growing up.  so, she'd simply ask him what he thought. - she made him actually have to think about the answer.

even 2dd, has nurses calling her asking "can I do ___?" instead of looking it up themselves.  (one of them was - can I give this lactose based RX in an (lactose) IV?  it was a du'h moment for the nurse.)  she has more patience than most of us, and walks them through figuring it out themselves.  now, the floor nurse will at least look it up and only call her if she can't find the answer.

 

Edited by gardenmom5
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22 minutes ago, gardenmom5 said:

even 2dd, has nurses calling her asking "can I do ___?" instead of looking it up themselves.  (one of them was - can I give this lactose based RX in an (lactose) IV?  it was a du'h moment for the nurse.)  she has more patience than most of us, and walks them through figuring it out themselves.  now, the floor nurse will at least look it up and only call her if she can't find the answer.

 

When it comes to medicine, too much communication is better than not enough communication. I would much rather have the nurse that asks questions than the nurse that does not. Pharmacists are supposed to be a resource to the clinicians on the floor. "Looking something up" and asking an expert are both equally valid ways to get information. Often, RN's don't have time to do a lot of research on the job.

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When I am dealing with someone who has an annoying behavior trait, I amuse my self by counting the violations. LOL That way I don't get upset, because every time they do it, I get a point on my tally sheet. :0)

I had a coworker who was tired of customers rolling their eyes when she told them how long of a wait there was. Once she started counting the eye rolls, she started keeping score day to day, and was always on the look out for her highest tally mark day.  Something that used to be annoying turned into a game, greatly reduced the stress of the situation. 

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3 hours ago, TechWife said:

When it comes to medicine, too much communication is better than not enough communication. I would much rather have the nurse that asks questions than the nurse that does not. Pharmacists are supposed to be a resource to the clinicians on the floor. "Looking something up" and asking an expert are both equally valid ways to get information. Often, RN's don't have time to do a lot of research on the job.

she walks them through the process so they can learn how to do it for themselves. one of her job duties - is RX training for medical staff.

she can generally tell the difference between someone who doesn't want to think or check  for themselves (like an add kid who just asks why instead of thinking about it,), and one who is truly confused and looking for an answer.

if she had to hold their hand every single time - it would compromise her ability to do her own job in a timely manner, which includes prepping and sending those orders down to the nurses stations.

 

 

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Maybe this is one of those people who says everything they're thinking.  They have no concept of an inner monologue.  Lots of people are curious about the world around them and wonder about things to themselves, in their own heads and then observe what's going on around them to figure out the answer. Maybe this is one of those people who wonder things and desperately need it answered.  As an adoptive parent of a child who is a different race, I meet them sometimes.  Most people, those with an inner monologue, see us and wonder to themselves a variety of possibilities: adoptive family, mixed race kid who is a mini-me of the parent not present at the time, babysitter situation, etc., and goes on with their day feeling no need to get an explanation from us.  Then there's that person who needs answer for whatever reason.  They must know, so they ask. Of course there's nothing malicious about it, it's just a different personality type-the person who can't be content with wondering and not getting an answer.

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8 hours ago, Tap said:

When I am dealing with someone who has an annoying behavior trait, I amuse my self by counting the violations. LOL That way I don't get upset, because every time they do it, I get a point on my tally sheet. :0)

I had a coworker who was tired of customers rolling their eyes when she told them how long of a wait there was. Once she started counting the eye rolls, she started keeping score day to day, and was always on the look out for her highest tally mark day.  Something that used to be annoying turned into a game, greatly reduced the stress of the situation. 

My mother has a cousin who is notoriously late for social gatherings.  I mean typically 2-4 hours late for gatherings that were coordinated so people could see her when she came to town to visit.  Once we started a pool where everyone there predicted what time they thought she'd actually show up. Each participant threw $3 into one of the decorative teapots on the coffee table and the person who guessed the closest time without going over won the money.

My mother was a floral designer for years at a local flower shop.  The staff entertained themselves by speculating the social dynamics and scenarios of the customers based on the cards they dictated and the flowers they chose.  Let's just say 20 something males are usually prone to dictate what is the equivalent of cheesy pick up line quality cards.  The most intriguing was the card from a 30ish man to a woman that read, "Is it springtime yet?" with a fantastic bouquet of spring flowers.  That kept them speculating and imagining all sorts of scenarios for weeks as they put together arrangements.

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