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lovinmyboys

How to help a major perfectionist

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3 hours ago, lovinmyboys said:

His house hockey league is one hour a week. He said he wanted to do it and I think it is reasonable to give a good effort for one hour a week. But it was “too hard,” so he didn’t.

Ok, here's the problem, and this is just a total aside. Do you know what's going on to know if some of those kids are getting more practice, outside coaching, etc.? Guaranteed some are. At least around here they are. You CANNOT progress in a sport with one hour a week, and true recreational sports are almost non-existent. Unless that sport is for only SN kids, no doubt some of those kids are getting more coaching and practicing. 

So it could be that they other kids are progressing faster or hard to keep up with and that he's not prepared. You could talk with him and see if there's anything that would help, if he sees any more paths or options. 

I'm with you btw that I wouldn't drop something that was paid for, assuming it was paid for in a month or 6 weeks contract. There's no reason not to finish that out. But sports now are crazy, with parents going multiple places for lessons, getting private coaching, etc. 

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Behind Perfectionism, is a 'mental script'. That is repeatedly recalled, when taking on any task.
The best way to treat this, is 'Cognitive Behavioral Therapy' CBT.
Which is basically focused on helping one, to develop a new Mental Script.   That replaces the old one.

Though it is important to address this, as it will having increasing impact. As he gets older.
But a major impact, is that it becomes a barrier to learning anything new.
As they will limit themselves. To the safety of what they already know.

Another effect, is that as they get older? They start transferring this Perfectionism, onto others.  Expecting them to meet this 'standard'.  This increases during teen years, reaching a peak by adulthood.  Which has a major effect, on their relationships.

But as a 'Mental Script'. Their is the potential to write a new one.

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