I'm a mess - please please help me figure out what to do

[kwickles]

I'm an experienced homeschooler. My two kids have been in and out of public school depending on what was best for them their whole lives. The daughter I'm writing about homeschooled K-1 grade, awesome school experience 2nd grade, homeschool 3rd grade, awesome school 4th grade, and homeschool 5th and 6th. She's in 7th grade this year and has been in school so far the whole year. And mostly she has thrived.

But part of the irregularity has been that she is a kiddo with serious chronic health conditions and 50+ hospitalizations. Because of this (understandably, I'd say) she struggles with depression and anxiety. She has missed the last month of school with a pretty serious flare up. She's well enough to go to school now. But she's missed so much she's unsure about going back and we are again debating what is best for her. As we again examine homeschooling, here are a few of the problems that I am wrestling with that I wasn't before.

This kid - 13 year old 7th grader -  is brilliant. Like scary smart. They were planning to send her to the high school for 9th grade advanced biology next year. Her English teacher has said she is almost impossible to challenge. And on and on. So I'm very unsure about curriculum. And it doesn't help that my budget is fairly small. Big History Project maybe? But otherwise I'm clueless. 

Also one of the biggest things her teachers say is that she is a natural leader. How can I facilitate that and help her continue to grow? We don't have a homeschooling group and I can't really travel to one (resources again) although we do live a block away from one of the best public universities in the state. Maybe there are options there? And she already feels fairly isolated because of her health issues; I'm afraid this will make it worse. (This is not a lack of socialization fear - in fact her peers at public school are not necessarily the best support system for what she's going through but she's already so lonely and again I feel limited in my resources.)

My last concern is that she loves playing cello in the middle school orchestra. She could continue to go to school for just orchestra in our school system but I don't know that I can manage that. How can I continue to facilitate that love and help her with it? She currently takes lessons once a week.  

This feels overwhelming and I desperately want to do right for my girl. She's been through so much and her thirst for learning is huge and her need for challenge is just so high. Thank you for any advice. I'm so grateful. 

[Hunter]

The hardest moments of our lives define who we become. They change our very core. Our children have destinies beyond being our children, and we are unable to stand in the way of their greatness, by protecting them.

If we read biographies, illness and isolation in childhood and adulthood result in key moments that change history.

Advanced classes mean not doing other things. There is a negative as well as a positive. Finances are not our only limit. Energy and time are also limited. If your daughter goes to school and takes that class, what will she NOT be doing? If you had more money, what would she NOT be doing? If she were well, what would she NOT be doing?

I used to measure my life, and at times that of my children, in terms of "normal" and that measure made me see our lives as failure and hardship. I don't do that anymore. I measure by a different context. Maybe I am just crazy now, but either way, I am calmer and feel safer. I move through my life counting the results of most difficulties as successes instead of failures. I am happier and more focused. Things feel more streamlined and the curves in the road of life feel less sharp.

Something "bad" recently happened. It is part of why I have time to be here posting, right now. A friend just texted me this quote:

Everybody is a genius, but if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid. - Albert Einstein.

[Pen]

I suggest that you contact her school, principal, teachers, counselors etc., and work out a plan for her with  their help.  Perhaps a home teacher (and perhaps some online help) and materials when needed /able due to health.  And to attend school when possible.  

It seems like the orchestra and peer interaction would be good for her.  And having materials and so on better for your budget than trying to work out homeschooling.

If in USA, illness and hospital stays probably give her right to a 504 plan to get the help (and flexibility) she needs. 

 I don’t think having missed a lot should be a significant barrier in 7th grade. Children move irregularly during school year and have to work in to the situation wherever the classes are.  Her reluctance to try this sounds like anxiety or depression.  And it should probably be addressed with assistance from school and perhaps outside therapist, but avoidance of school is likely to make anxiety and depression worse in long run, not better.  

In addition, a plan for how to manage missed schooling in high school would be good to work on.  Because it sounds like health issues will be a long term thing for her to deal with.  

It sounds like if a good therapist could be found that could also be a big help.  

Also see if there’s a gifted children program in your state to talk with.

And try calling the nearby university.  It may not be able to help till she’s in high school, but maybe it can.  Perhaps even with student therapist help, or interesting public events.

Reach out around you.  When you talk with people also ask if they can suggest who else you might call for help and ideas.  

Possibly other parents whose children have similar issues would have ideas.  Perhaps doctor or hospital knows things.  Online forums for children with ____. 

[Jean in Newcastle]

Homeschooling my daughter with multiple autoimmune and other diseases has been challenging but worth it. Even on bad days we can often get something done even if she wouldn’t have been able to attend class. 

I am going to address the leadership stuff first. My dd volunteers heavily at the Y. There is financial help if money is a problem. My daughter is now old enough to work there and that comes with free membership. Our town also has a youth council (free) that plans service projects. And I know that they have been inviting my daughter to join a youth in government club run through the Y. You might want to see what opportunities there are in your community. Not everything goes through the public school where I live. (YMMV of course). 

For classes I would do an inventory of where she is and where she is headed especially in maths and sciences. You can’t do some science courses without the requisite math and so much bouncing around and missed classes might mean some gaps in her learning. 

[2_girls_mommy]

For leadership, mine are in scouts. They are Red Cross first aid, CPR, and babysitter certified because of working on different badges. Almost every badge or journey has them reaching out into the community to make contacts and work on issues and then teaching others (often other scouts) about what they've learned. They've volunteered in scout camps, in service unit activities, are on committees with the council, and volunteer in the community to earn awards they choose  (and design themselves.) These awards are recognized as leadership by employers and colleges, but most importantly build up their confidences as they are challenged by the requirements and then challenge themselves to step up and do them, even though they're hard and scary at times.

And I agree with pp about outcomes from these tough circumstances making people who they are. We just read biographies on Teddy Roosevelt this week. I thought of him as I read your original post.  

[Pen]

Also, many schools now have ability to utilize online learning or move at own pace through book with teacher to ask questions of when needed while at the school (in library or study hall room or even corner of regular classroom) to help meet needs of asynchronous kids.  Some districts are already set up to do this.  Others can figure it out via a teacher or tech resources facilitator.  I think Georgia is a state that already has some.  Though perhaps not quite right for her situation.  

 

This could help both due to her missing time due to illness and being bright...   I think this could work better than a high school class at high school next year since if she loses time she really probably will have trouble catching up at high school level, but if she can work at her own pace that may be better.  

Again a 504 may help this.  

Lacking travel etc resources, I think she’d probably be best off utilizing the public school and all it can give including the orchestra...  

 

My son’s small rural middle and high school has had a couple of kids I know of who either went to a study hall or right in regular classrooms worked ahead at their own pace.   It also has had kids who have had to be in and out for health reasons.  I know this all took a good bit of setting up by school and parents- but once in place takes far less parent resources than trying to find a private student orchestra, etc.  

For example:

 

http://www.gavirtualschool.org/parents/publicandprivateschool.aspx

ETA: it might also allow her to do what she can academically from home or hospital when able to do anything a little more seamlessly assuming an available computer ...  the GVS is supposed to also try to meet student individual needs...

Edited March 15, 2019 by Pen

[Bluegoat]

I think I would talk to the teachers about the keeping up element, before I made a decision.  Especially if generally she is really enjoying the work and such.  Given that she is gifted in some of the subjects the interruption might not matter so much.

I would look at no-school stuff for leadership opportunities.  the Y someone mentioned, also scouting, if there is something like a city rec department - there can be quite a few different organisations that offer leadership opportunities for youth.

I'd also look for community orchestras and see what is available.  Sometimes they are run out of music stores or lesson centres.  

[PeterPan]

On March 14, 2019 at 9:05 AM, kwickles said:

They were planning to send her to the high school for 9th grade advanced biology next year.

So was that going to be an AP Bio or college prep? How many opportunities will the high school have for your dd? The decision you're about to make becomes more permanent as you approach 9th. The school does not have to accept ANY of your credits toward a high school diploma, so once you start down that path, it's done.

I would look at the real offerings from the high school and see where they're likely to fit her. When I was that age/stage, I was in a school that maxed out at small engine repair and wouldn't let you take more than one foreign language at a time. Now the state had other schools (for the gifted, etc.) where you could go take 3 languages, all the science you wanted, etc. That was great. But it really depends on the district and what caps you're running into.

If she's going to want to be there for high school starting in 9th, then you want to work backward. They just told you to make sure she's doing a good bio for 8th. 

No, the social won't be the same. Some people use community-based activities, and you know if you have things like that in your area. 

The bummer about this situation is doing so much online vs. in-person. I think there are some free classes online, but I don't see how you're going to get there with a very low budget. It *can* be done, but it's going to take some thought. It sounds like she's very social and going to feel isolated. Can she do a partial enrollment or have a home study plan through the school? It doesn't sound like these cycles of health are going to stop, so they should be making a better plan. If she could do science, math, orchestra at the school and LA and foreign language with you, that could be really good, something like that.

What options do you have for free, low-cost DE (dual enrollment)? This kind of student is going to go AP or DE pretty quickly, so that's what you want to be sorting out.

[*****]

Definitely check on the 504 plan.

Also, check the college's homepage. They often have programs for high school and younger crowds, including summer courses and things of that nature.  It always looks fun to me!  

I wonder if something like this could work for you, at least for a subject or 2:

http://www.virtualhomeschoolgroup.org/

We did the 'at your own pace' class, but maybe she could join an online course?

Or the K12.com program through your local school district, if you did decide to homeschool her, then it would be free.  We used to use it on our own (so we only did a class or 2 and paid for it ourselves).  It was challenging and especially worked for those who were self driven. 

Yes, and check out a youth symphony if possible, or maybe even something at the college.  How lucky you are to have that so close!  

I also like the above suggestions to help with leadership opportunities, through volunteering, etc. Hugs!