AbcdeDooDah Posted March 13, 2019 Author Share Posted March 13, 2019 41 minutes ago, Catwoman said: How is he feeling today? Were you able to call and speak with anyone about his symptoms? Will he see another doctor? Edited to add — Sorry to bombard you with questions!!! I have been worrying about you guys, but I didn’t mean to give you the third degree!!! He got up and ate a can of soup. I doubt he will do anything since he said he feels better now that the severe burning gone. I'm not going to do anything else at this point. DS 20 plans on talking to him when he gets home from work this afternoon but I suspect it will be more of the same. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AbcdeDooDah Posted March 13, 2019 Author Share Posted March 13, 2019 13 minutes ago, Medicmom2.0 said: Unfortunately, if her husband doesn’t want to follow up or do further exploration, there isn’t much she can do. I suspect there’s more than one thing going on and hopefully they are things that stabilize themselves. When is he going back to work? That may help. If he passes out or becomes confused, call an ambulance. Honestly, no one can force someone to go to the hospital if they can answer questions appropriately, such as where are you and what is your birthdate. However, if he’s passed out and then come around before they get there(what usually happens), even if he doesn’t go he may understand there is the possibility of something serious going on. Cdiff is horrible, but it has a very distinctive smell and if you haven’t noticed a terrible smell it’s likely not Cdiff. However—if he’s on a course of antibiotics it’s worth checking if he ageees to it. He's off work for months. Earliest date of return is June. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ktgrok Posted March 13, 2019 Share Posted March 13, 2019 Im betting the ibuprofen messed up his stomach, and then the not eating but still taking diabetes meds dropped his blood sugar. Could you leave a message with whatever doctor prescribed the diabetes meds and ask if he should reduce or stop dose if not eating? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AbcdeDooDah Posted March 13, 2019 Author Share Posted March 13, 2019 16 minutes ago, Ktgrok said: Im betting the ibuprofen messed up his stomach, and then the not eating but still taking diabetes meds dropped his blood sugar. Could you leave a message with whatever doctor prescribed the diabetes meds and ask if he should reduce or stop dose if not eating? It's useless. I just looked and he has 7 prescriptions from this guy. One of them is for aspirin! Plain old 81 mg enteric coated aspirin. DH just turned 50 and his only problem is diabetes. Makes me angry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
freesia Posted March 13, 2019 Share Posted March 13, 2019 17 minutes ago, Ktgrok said: Im betting the ibuprofen messed up his stomach, and then the not eating but still taking diabetes meds dropped his blood sugar. Could you leave a message with whatever doctor prescribed the diabetes meds and ask if he should reduce or stop dose if not eating? I agree with Katie. He shouldn’t be taking his diabetes meds if he’s not eating. But the doctor would know exactly what he should do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ktgrok Posted March 13, 2019 Share Posted March 13, 2019 47 minutes ago, AbcdeDooDah said: It's useless. I just looked and he has 7 prescriptions from this guy. One of them is for aspirin! Plain old 81 mg enteric coated aspirin. DH just turned 50 and his only problem is diabetes. Makes me angry. Has he been taking the aspirin AND the ibuprofen at the same time?!?! That would definitely blow out his gut lining! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AbcdeDooDah Posted March 13, 2019 Author Share Posted March 13, 2019 (edited) 17 minutes ago, Ktgrok said: Has he been taking the aspirin AND the ibuprofen at the same time?!?! That would definitely blow out his gut lining! Yeah. And he was alternating the IB with the T3. If he doesn't have c diff now I bet he will eventually. Edited March 13, 2019 by AbcdeDooDah Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ktgrok Posted March 13, 2019 Share Posted March 13, 2019 8 minutes ago, AbcdeDooDah said: Yeah. And he was alternating the IB with the T3. If he doesn't have c diff now I bet he will eventually. HIs surgeon didn't ask what meds he was on before the surgery? Often they have you stop aspirin! Also, they should have given instructions on what to take afterwards. Sigh. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AbcdeDooDah Posted March 14, 2019 Author Share Posted March 14, 2019 4 hours ago, Medicmom2.0 said: Cdiff is triggered by antibiotics, so if he’s not on abx he’s probably safe for now. If it’s any consolation, my husband takes over 3000 mg of ibuprofen a day. His doctor knows and has advised against it, but DH doesn’t listen. He’s in so much pain anyway that he probably won’t notice ulcer pain until he starts bleeding all over. So I completely get the not listening. I do get the impression that your husband is suffering from some depression. Anesthesia messes with brain chemistry, and the combo of not feeling well plus months off of work may be contributing. Again, I know there’s nothing you can do to get him to help himself, but considering that he may be depressed may help you reframe things in your own mind. re Depression. I'm pretty sure, too. Life is not going well for him the past few years since I discovered boundaries.:) 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AbcdeDooDah Posted March 14, 2019 Author Share Posted March 14, 2019 Ds and I talked to him. He was grouchy and said his health isn't any of my business. Then he said the nurse called and the bloodwork was fine except for a couple of things the doctor wanted to talk to him in person about tomorrow. He said he'll let me know if he decides to tell me about it. He alluded to something going on and said I have "no idea." He has gotten quiet in the past few weeks when I said I thought something was up. I'm done. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scholastica Posted March 14, 2019 Share Posted March 14, 2019 10 minutes ago, AbcdeDooDah said: Ds and I talked to him. He was grouchy and said his health isn't any of my business. Then he said the nurse called and the bloodwork was fine except for a couple of things the doctor wanted to talk to him in person about tomorrow. He said he'll let me know if he decides to tell me about it. He alluded to something going on and said I have "no idea." He has gotten quiet in the past few weeks when I said I thought something was up. I'm done. Can you go with him to the doctor? I assume if he’s off work that long, he’s probably not supposed to drive yet. I’m sorry he’s being so manipulative. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AbcdeDooDah Posted March 14, 2019 Author Share Posted March 14, 2019 Just now, scholastica said: Can you go with him to the doctor? I assume if he’s off work that long, he’s probably not supposed to drive yet. I’m sorry he’s being so manipulative. There's no way he would let me go. He's driving, whether he's supposed to or not. He's a peach. 😕 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EMS83 Posted March 14, 2019 Share Posted March 14, 2019 (edited) Pray, if you pray, and take care of you. ::hugs:: Edited March 14, 2019 by CES2005 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AbcdeDooDah Posted March 14, 2019 Author Share Posted March 14, 2019 (edited) FURIOUS Dd22 just texted me and asked if he had gotten the results of his biopsy yet. Excuse me? LIVID Edited March 14, 2019 by AbcdeDooDah 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tap Posted March 14, 2019 Share Posted March 14, 2019 19 minutes ago, AbcdeDooDah said: FURIOUS Dd22 just texted me and asked if he had gotten the results of his biopsy yet. LIVID Ummmm....what biopsy...... LOL Im guessing this is news to you too? Does Dd22 know what was biopsied? That seems kinda odd during a shoulder surgery. ((((((((((((Hugs))))))))))))) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LMD Posted March 14, 2019 Share Posted March 14, 2019 😰 Praying for you Abcde. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AbcdeDooDah Posted March 14, 2019 Author Share Posted March 14, 2019 6 minutes ago, Tap said: Ummmm....what biopsy...... LOL Im guessing this is news to you too? Does Dd22 know what was biopsied? That seems kinda odd during a shoulder surgery. ((((((((((((Hugs))))))))))))) Apparently it was done another time., recently. No, I did not know. Dd said he told her it was in a private area and she never brought it up because she assumed it wasn't really a conversation topic. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tap Posted March 14, 2019 Share Posted March 14, 2019 3 minutes ago, AbcdeDooDah said: Apparently it was done another time., recently. No, I did not know. Dd said he told her it was in a private area and she never brought it up because she assumed it wasn't really a conversation topic. Not a conversation with his wife.......but fully appropriate with his daughter. LOL I think your being super kind to say he is a peach. OY!! I can't imagine how frustrated you must be! 3 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AbcdeDooDah Posted March 14, 2019 Author Share Posted March 14, 2019 (edited) 1 hour ago, Seasider too said: I sure hope the doctor sets him straight because this is not ok communications for someone who is a life partner and shares responsibility for children. Are you on his HIPAA paperwork? No clue. I mean, I used to be but he could have had it changed. Wouldn't surprise me. Came back to edit. I must be because my name was on his surgery paperwork and I was there. Edited March 14, 2019 by AbcdeDooDah Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AbcdeDooDah Posted March 14, 2019 Author Share Posted March 14, 2019 20 minutes ago, Seasider too said: Will dd keep you in the loop? At this point what you need is information. Of course there are a ton of emotions and relationship issues, but you need to know what lies ahead. If dd will share info with you, you can give your spouse some space to process his emotions. If he’s got a battle coming, he’s going to have to come to the realization that he will need your support. I am sorry you are in this situation. Hard place to be. She assumes prostate. He didn't tell her. She said she will share with me if he tells her. Thank you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted March 14, 2019 Share Posted March 14, 2019 8 minutes ago, AbcdeDooDah said: She assumes prostate. He didn't tell her. She said she will share with me if he tells her. Thank you. Could it be colon and not prostate? (I’m just thinking about his symptoms.) 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mominco Posted March 14, 2019 Share Posted March 14, 2019 (((hugs))) 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AbcdeDooDah Posted March 14, 2019 Author Share Posted March 14, 2019 19 minutes ago, Seasider too said: There are forums for partners of those with prostate cancer. It’s an odd diagnosis - many if not most men may get it past a certain age, and in that circumstance it’s typically slow growing. A diagnosis in a younger man - say in his 40s - is more likely to be a serious and more aggressive form of prostate cancer. The prospect of this could certainly scare someone into the type of behavior your husband is exhibiting. The behavior/nastiness has certainly escalated the past couple of months so I can see that. 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted March 14, 2019 Share Posted March 14, 2019 16 minutes ago, Seasider too said: “Private area” could certainly refer to prostate, colon, testicular and/or rectal cancers. I’m thinking prostate may have been caught in the course of addressing the shoulder issue if bloodwork included a PSA test - sometimes done routinely for men. Ooh, good thinking about the PSA test! It’s pretty ridiculous that he’s making his own wife try to guess what’s going on with him. All I can say is that she’s being a lot nicer about it than I would be. I don’t react well to secrecy, and this isn’t exactly some trivial thing! I would be livid! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AbcdeDooDah Posted March 14, 2019 Author Share Posted March 14, 2019 1 hour ago, Seasider too said: There are forums for partners of those with prostate cancer. It’s an odd diagnosis - many if not most men may get it past a certain age, and in that circumstance it’s typically slow growing. A diagnosis in a younger man - say in his 40s - is more likely to be a serious and more aggressive form of prostate cancer. The prospect of this could certainly scare someone into the type of behavior your husband is exhibiting. He just turned 50. I hadn't heard that about the age difference/severity. I will look that up. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happi duck Posted March 14, 2019 Share Posted March 14, 2019 (hugs) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ottakee Posted March 14, 2019 Share Posted March 14, 2019 Hugs. Sounds like there could be many issues going in here. His meds and lack of checking his blood sugar could certainly be making him feel I'll and clouding his thinking. Can you call the doctor ahead of time and tell them he is not checking g his blood sugar at all and for them to at least do a finger poke check while he is there? Then worry over this biopsy could also certainly cause his behavioral changes. Does he have any men her respects and might listen to? How about the doctors? Sorry you are stuck in this mess. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AbcdeDooDah Posted March 14, 2019 Author Share Posted March 14, 2019 Just heard him call and cancel his appointment. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Innisfree Posted March 14, 2019 Share Posted March 14, 2019 I'm sorry. He's putting you in an awful position. I would be furious and worried together. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chiguirre Posted March 14, 2019 Share Posted March 14, 2019 I think you need to make sure that whatever was biopsied was not an HPV related cancer. If it was, you'll need to be extra vigilant. In your position, I'd get a thorough STD screening and start getting the finances in order in case you need to seek a legal remedy on short notice. (((Hugs))) 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mlktwins Posted March 14, 2019 Share Posted March 14, 2019 Are you able to call, when he isn't around, to see if the doctor's are allowed to talk to you? See if you have there is a HIPPA form with you on it? They will be able check and then maybe talk to you then. I know this isn't the same situation, but I am now on all my elderly dad's HIPPA forms and they will talk to me without him there and/or send me information I request. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AbcdeDooDah Posted March 14, 2019 Author Share Posted March 14, 2019 We've haven't received any bills and I logged into our insurance to view EOBs and didn't see anything strange. Things are just listed as 'diagnostic service.' Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AbcdeDooDah Posted March 14, 2019 Author Share Posted March 14, 2019 28 minutes ago, Innisfree said: I'm sorry. He's putting you in an awful position. I would be furious and worried together. I asked DS last night if he knew about a biopsy. He said yesterday after DH told me he would tell me if he decided to he told DH he was waiting for the results and that I didn't know yet. It's like a passive-aggressive manipulation where everyone knows but me. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted March 14, 2019 Share Posted March 14, 2019 MyChart? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AbcdeDooDah Posted March 14, 2019 Author Share Posted March 14, 2019 1 minute ago, Jean in Newcastle said: MyChart? That was my next step. I'll find out eventually,I guess. I'm wondering if me asking the kids, snooping medical records and not letting on that I know is just as passive-aggressive manipulative? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mlktwins Posted March 14, 2019 Share Posted March 14, 2019 If it were me, I would be on the phone already asking if I have access to know what is going on. Unfortunately, you will be dealing with whatever it is he "has" - medically, financially, etc. If it is something urgent and his health could be further worsened by not getting treatment quickly, that affects you (and your kids). And...he already cancelled his appt for today. Maybe he isn't planning to tackle any of this anytime soon. I would not ask the kids anymore and just call the doctor (or Mychart if you have access) and be done with it. You need to know what is going on as you will likely end up being the caretaker. I don't think he is going to tell you anytime soon. This impacts your life too!!! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monica_in_Switzerland Posted March 14, 2019 Share Posted March 14, 2019 1 hour ago, Seasider too said: ... Of course, this is just my pair o’ pennies, you know wherein you live. I read this as "just my pair of panties" and I was like, whoa, I have NEVER heard that expression before! 😂 OP, I think you are doing great. People can say, "you must make him", or "I wouldn't stand for it" and that's just not realistic when married to someone stubborn as a mule. Keep your boundaries, and let go of what you can't control. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
unsinkable Posted March 14, 2019 Share Posted March 14, 2019 7 minutes ago, Seasider too said: Well, when I posted the above, I somehow missed your post that he had cancelled his appointment. Time for you to call the doctor’s office yourself. Or just show up at the time he was scheduled, if it’s not too late. You may not be able to be told anything, but you sure can tell the doctor your observations and that you are concerned for his mental state. yes, she can tell the doctor what is happening even if the doctor cannot disclose anything to her. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AbcdeDooDah Posted March 14, 2019 Author Share Posted March 14, 2019 I'm not bold enough to call the doctor or anything like that. With him telling some of the kids and not me and teasing, "I'll tell you if I decide to" he wants me to clamor for the information and I'm just not going to do it. I do like your suggestion of what to say when he tells me, Seasider, and I will try to be mature in that moment and not give him drama. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arcadia Posted March 14, 2019 Share Posted March 14, 2019 2 hours ago, AbcdeDooDah said: That was my next step. I'll find out eventually,I guess. I'm wondering if me asking the kids, snooping medical records and not letting on that I know is just as passive-aggressive manipulative? Regarding snooping medical records, I could see if and when my husband read my online health account if I add him as authorized user. It has a function to see who has assessed my account and when. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AbcdeDooDah Posted March 14, 2019 Author Share Posted March 14, 2019 8 minutes ago, Arcadia said: Regarding snooping medical records, I could see if and when my husband read my online health account if I add him as authorized user. It has a function to see who has assessed my account and when. Dh doesn't do any online things like that. I found the portal but he never had an account set up and the pin is supplied by the doctor. There is no way to request one online. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted March 14, 2019 Share Posted March 14, 2019 I am not saying that this is a sign of a healthy marriage, but he has set a boundary around his own health information. This has happened in a friend’s marriage as well. In her case she has decided to control what she can (her reactions) and just leave the rest to God. Her husband does have untreated cancer but is still living ten plus years after the doctors said that he would die (not saying that this would be true for everyone- just what happened in this case). Cognitively he has declined to the point where he has lost his job. All of us who are friends know and can see what is going on but we can’t force him to get medical care (not even talking about cancer treatment here) that would make his quality of life better. It is a very difficult situation. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dirty ethel rackham Posted March 14, 2019 Share Posted March 14, 2019 2 hours ago, AbcdeDooDah said: I'm not bold enough to call the doctor or anything like that. With him telling some of the kids and not me and teasing, "I'll tell you if I decide to" he wants me to clamor for the information and I'm just not going to do it. I do like your suggestion of what to say when he tells me, Seasider, and I will try to be mature in that moment and not give him drama. You can call the doctor and give him the information you have. He may not be able to give you any information if your dh did not authorize it. But, then the doctor can make better recommendations. If the doctor is able to give you information, I wouldn't look at it as clamoring for information, but working on dealing with what affects you. Will this have an impact on future income? Will you be thrust in the role of a caregiver at the same time as needing to bring in an income? I am sorry you are dealing with this. We have a somewhat similar issue in that our mentally ill adult child doesn't share anything with us, so we have no idea what is going on. The only thing I get to see is what the EOB says about prescriptions. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AbcdeDooDah Posted March 15, 2019 Author Share Posted March 15, 2019 I actually found the codes for each visit. I needed to click on the claim not the EOB. It's all routine bloodwork stuff. There is one for a larger amount of $$ but it is still processing so maybe i can view it in the next few days. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AbcdeDooDah Posted March 21, 2019 Author Share Posted March 21, 2019 Smallish update He volunteered info after his appointment yesterday. His liver values are off. He didn't say specifically high or low. He was being vague. The diarrhea continues so the doctor ordered an ultrasound and possibly a scope. For exactly what parts, I don't know. Stomach? The doctor said he didn't think c. Diff. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AbcdeDooDah Posted October 14, 2019 Author Share Posted October 14, 2019 I certainly didn't think 6 months later we'd still be dealing with this. Dh told me on Friday that bloodwork he had almost two months ago showed an elevated marker for colon cancer. Not sure which one and it looks like it's not a for sure kind of thing. He was waiting this whole 2 months for them to call and schedule testing. He finally called them and they said they left a message. Who knows when? We never heard it. Anyway now he is scheduled for an ultrasound tomorrow. I'm not sure why that over colonoscopy. He still has terrible diarrhea and is very fatigued. He goes to bed around 7 every night. He has to work tomorrow and will go to the appointment at 3. I will meet him there. He said there was no reason for me to go, but I'm going anyway. 3 12 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Corraleno Posted October 14, 2019 Share Posted October 14, 2019 It's awful that he has been dealing with this for so long and the doctors are not being more aggressive about looking for answers. I'm glad you're going with him tomorrow! 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted October 14, 2019 Share Posted October 14, 2019 Praying for you. I can't imagine the stress. Is he an avoider in general? I understand that, being one myself. ♥️ 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AbcdeDooDah Posted October 14, 2019 Author Share Posted October 14, 2019 1 minute ago, Chris in VA said: Praying for you. I can't imagine the stress. Is he an avoider in general? I understand that, being one myself. ♥️ Yes. Me, too. I just read my update from March again. The ultrasound was ordered 6 months ago. That's ridiculous. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melissa in Australia Posted October 14, 2019 Share Posted October 14, 2019 hugs 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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