S/o Questioning by TSA

[Mshokie]

Reading the threads on cooperating with CPS and other authorities made me question the interaction I just had with the TSA. My children (4 and 13) and I were flying domesticallt, so all I brought was my ID and none for the children because it's not required. At the check point when I handed the agent the boarding passes and my ID, she tried to get my younger child to verify her name and state her age. Of course she didn't answer, because she rarely speaks to any non-family adult. The agent said, "I'll give you a pass this time" in a threatening tone. Then she questioned my teenager instead, asking his name, age, how I am related to him, who the little girl was. 

 

It was obviously some kind of child trafficking prevention tactic that made me feel a bit icky. My kids look like me but what about families with non-bio children? Or non-verbal older children? Or even my dark-haired husband traveling with our blonde daughter? I travel frequently with my children, usually internationally, and I have never encountered this line of questioning before, probably because I have always presented their passports in those situations.

 

I told my daughter that in the return flight, she needs to tell the agent her name and age. However, after reading those other threads, I am feeling like I should take a stand. But then again, I do want to make the flight back home!

 

 

[Acorn]

They should give name and age and answer questions about trip etc. If a child has a delay or disability, then it’s fine for the adult to explain. 

[Lanny]

We live in Colombia. Minors travelling, especially internationally, and, especially with only one parent, are subject to very special requirements.  We almost had a trip to Orlando cancelled, at the check-in at 3 A.M. in our local airport (Cali, Colombia) because we did not have a 2 cent photocopy of the Colombian Birth Certificate for DD with us, showing the names of her parents. That information is not in her Passport... My wife and I were both with her. 

[Ottakee]

Most adoptive families carry along copies of adoption paperwork, birth certificates, family photos, etc.  For foster children I needed an official letter to take them out of state as well.

[Sherry in OH]

It is common for TSA to ask children their names, ages, where they are going, and their relationship to the person with whom they are travelling.  When passports are presented, the agent might glance at the passport then at a child and ask are "Are you ....  how old are you?" or "What is your birthdate?"  

[Arcadia]

TSA would ask sometimes and I don’t find that offensive unless the manner is intimidating. In our case it is pretty obvious I am the mother because my kids would “yell” mommy and dump their stuff on me to put on those bins going through the scanner for them.  They didn’t ask two years ago when DS13 was at least 4ft tall and looked like a 5th/6th grader.

[cave canem]

1 hour ago, Ottakee said:

Most adoptive families carry along copies of adoption paperwork, birth certificates, family photos, etc.  For foster children I needed an official letter to take them out of state as well.

I am surprised to hear this.  I've been flying domestically with my adopted children (mostly without their dad) for over twenty years.  It is obvious to everyone that I am not their biological mother.  The only ID any one brought was a driver's license.  One of them didn't have one of those until she was over 18.  We did not bring family pictures. 

On our trips abroad, everyone had a US passport.  No adoption papers or birth certificates.

Is it really most?

[Ottakee]

4 minutes ago, cave canem said:

I am surprised to hear this.  I've been flying domestically with my adopted children (mostly without their dad) for over twenty years.  It is obvious to everyone that I am not their biological mother.  The only ID any one brought was a driver's license.  One of them didn't have one of those until she was over 18.  We did not bring family pictures. 

On our trips abroad, everyone had a US passport.  No adoption papers or birth certificates.

Is it really most?

Maybe not most but certainly a high percentage in my adoption circles.  They figure it is easier to have a few photocopied pieces of paper vs. being stopped/extra questioning, etc.  I don't know how often they need them, just that they take them along.  I don't carry adoption paperwork as mine are now all over 18 but I do carry guardianship papers as they are all disabled adults.......then again I carry those papers everywhere as I need them frequently.

[Mergath]

If having TSA ask you screening questions to prevent child trafficking is something that makes you feel icky and you think you need to "take a stand" against it, you'd probably be better off driving. My kids having to give their name and age if we flew is pretty much the least invasive thing I can think of and I can't for the life of me imagine why anyone would having a problem with it. 

[linders]

I learned early on to obtain and carry ID for both DC when they were young. When oldest DS was 8, we were flagged upon checkin at the airport. His name (with middle initial) is the same as someone on TSA's watchlist. I had no ID for him. (Note: Saying "Does he look like a terrorist?" is not a good idea - ask me how I know 😒.) It took a half hour before he was cleared, and required getting a senior airport manager to enter a special code. I thought it was a one-off. Wrong. Next time we flew, same thing. This time I was able to tell the gate agent the process to get him cleared.

Our state offers non-driving photo IDs, so I got one for both DC after that.

[Pen]

When we do certain things, we take on certain requirements to be willing to answer questions, produce documents, etc.

Obviously this depends on the country.

In the USA, we are expected to uphold the rights granted by the Constitution, including the Bill of Rights.  (In order to keep our republic, and not end up in a dictatorship, police state, etc.).    Non-intrusion into homes without due process of law is a significant right fought for in American Revolution. Hence demanding a search warrant before allowing LE (including CPS) into home can be a part of keeping the USA a republic. 

However, when we use automobiles on a road or take an airplane we are voluntarily moving into a public arena, and take on certain duties, such as having a valid driver license to drive which we will show to LE if required.  Or showing ID or answering questions about our identity as required for travel on planes.  

Their questioning thus, does not seem to be reasonably any violation of any of your or your children’s Constitutional rights, and answering their questions about names and relationships seems to be a duty you took on when you chose to take a plane.   Thus, you did the right thing to answer.

If you felt your rights were infringed you could have chosen instead not to fly that day,  and to seek out legal assistance—but you would probably not have been successful in opposing those questions.  

[Monica_in_Switzerland]

I'm usually all for privacy, blah blah blah (I was nodding along with those suggesting NOT to let CPS agents into house in another thread), but...

Yeah, nothing unusual about a TSA agent asking your child info.  I traveled alone with my dad at age 12, so this was over 20 years ago, and the agent also asked me to state my name, age, and relationship to the man with me.  

It is possible that "I'll give you a pass this time" was meant to be more of a joke, but came out surly because the agent was tired or cranky or a poor speaker.  Who knows.  

Frankly, I would never travel by plane without having my childrens' IDs with me, even if it were not an international flight.  I WANT people checking that children are with the right adults in airports!  

When I travel without my DH, he also writes a letter stating I have permission to travel internationally with the kids.  We've never needed it, but I think it's actually a reasonable request if someone did ask.  

[Monica_in_Switzerland]

2 minutes ago, linders said:

I learned early on to obtain and carry ID for both DC when they were young. When oldest DS was 8, we were flagged upon checkin at the airport. His name (with middle initial) is the same as someone on TSA's watchlist. I had no ID for him. (Note: Saying "Does he look like a terrorist?" is not a good idea - ask me how I know 😒.) It took a half hour before he was cleared, and required getting a senior airport manager to enter a special code. I thought it was a one-off. Wrong. Next time we flew, same thing. This time I was able to tell the gate agent the process to get him cleared.

Our state offers non-driving photo IDs, so I got one for both DC after that.

 

Oh no!!!  Poor kid!  Might be worth adding a new middle name legally just to try to help him differentiate himself as he gets older!  What a huge headache!  

[linders]

5 minutes ago, Monica_in_Switzerland said:

Oh no!!!  Poor kid!  Might be worth adding a new middle name legally just to try to help him differentiate himself as he gets older!  What a huge headache!  

 

His middle name is very unusual, so now we make sure to spell it out fully on legal docs.

[Violet Crown]

3 hours ago, Mshokie said:

Reading the threads on cooperating with CPS and other authorities made me question the interaction I just had with the TSA. My children (4 and 13) and I were flying domesticallt, so all I brought was my ID and none for the children because it's not required. At the check point when I handed the agent the boarding passes and my ID, she tried to get my younger child to verify her name and state her age. Of course she didn't answer, because she rarely speaks to any non-family adult. The agent said, "I'll give you a pass this time" in a threatening tone. Then she questioned my teenager instead, asking his name, age, how I am related to him, who the little girl was. 

 

It was obviously some kind of child trafficking prevention tactic that made me feel a bit icky. My kids look like me but what about families with non-bio children? Or non-verbal older children? Or even my dark-haired husband traveling with our blonde daughter? I travel frequently with my children, usually internationally, and I have never encountered this line of questioning before, probably because I have always presented their passports in those situations.

 

I told my daughter that in the return flight, she needs to tell the agent her name and age. However, after reading those other threads, I am feeling like I should take a stand. But then again, I do want to make the flight back home!

 

 

This happened to us with our non-verbal child. We promptly got a couple of Road ID wristbands saying: "NON-VERBAL / Mom: [phone] / Dad: [phone] / No known allergies". And we quietly cursed the TSA and their officious expansion of their mandate beyond preventing terrorism.  

But the wristband is a good idea in general with a child who has trouble verbalizing. What if she gets lost?

Edited March 3, 2019 by Violet Crown

[Mshokie]

My feeling is that if the TSA wants to prevent child trafficking, then they should spell that it out in the ID requirements in their website. I'm fine with following the rules as long as I know what they are. Don't tell me that I don't need to bring anything for my kids and then stare down a shy 4-year-old because she won't say her name.  I could do without the accusatory tone of the agent because traveling with kids is stressful enough. But US immigration and TSA are great at making everyone feel like a criminal.

 

[klmama]

My young teen was questioned multiple times by TSA while traveling alone with me, which hadn't happened when the whole family was there.  At the time I thought it was because dc looked older than the age we were telling them, so they expected ID, which dc didn't have yet. It never occurred to me that it might be a child trafficking prevention technique. Interesting. If that's the reason for the repeated questions, then I'm glad they ask.  

 

[gardenmom5]

4 hours ago, Mshokie said:

Reading the threads on cooperating with CPS and other authorities made me question the interaction I just had with the TSA. My children (4 and 13) and I were flying domesticallt, so all I brought was my ID and none for the children because it's not required. At the check point when I handed the agent the boarding passes and my ID, she tried to get my younger child to verify her name and state her age. Of course she didn't answer, because she rarely speaks to any non-family adult. The agent said, "I'll give you a pass this time" in a threatening tone. Then she questioned my teenager instead, asking his name, age, how I am related to him, who the little girl was. 

 

It was obviously some kind of child trafficking prevention tactic that made me feel a bit icky. My kids look like me but what about families with non-bio children? Or non-verbal older children? Or even my dark-haired husband traveling with our blonde daughter? I travel frequently with my children, usually internationally, and I have never encountered this line of questioning before, probably because I have always presented their passports in those situations.

 

I told my daughter that in the return flight, she needs to tell the agent her name and age. However, after reading those other threads, I am feeling like I should take a stand. But then again, I do want to make the flight back home!

 

 

British airways flight attendants will tell him he can't sit in that seat and will attempt to move him somewhere else - because he's a man he can't sit next to a child.  that case made such a stink - it made the news.  BA was backtracking like mad to apologize.

Most little kids don't even have ID.   but this is a good reminder I need to make sure dudeling (14)  brings his when we go to Charleston next month...

it does sound like the  agent isn't very good with kids either, or was recently trained. I've found the recently trained tend to be more... gung-ho?  and are more likely to see smoke when it's not even morning mist.

 

these are also things any parent who has had a child have a meltdown in a store while screaming "you're not my mom"....thunk.

[Rachel]

We flew this week. The TSA agent looked at the boarding passes and asked each of my children their name. It seems pretty reasonable to me.

The whole point of TSA is to make sure the people getting on a plane are who they say they are and don’t have anything dangerous. If kids don’t have an ID then TSA has to identify the kid somehow. I’d much rather they ask than require me to go buy an ID my kids may use a couple times a year. 

Edited March 3, 2019 by Rachel

[Farrar]

TSA definitely does a number of annoying, pointless, and even questionable things that really bother me. This is not one of them.

I do feel for adoptive and mixed race families where the parents and children are more likely to be profiled in this circumstance.

[gardenmom5]

just want to add - I know flight attendants now receive training in spotting trafficking - and have saved at least some kids.  I don't mind the question to prevent traffickers - but there are usually distinct tells in trafficking cases. (that if you know what to look for, can be picked up on.)  it doesn't sound like the agent was thinking about them at all - only that you were traveling with kids.

not too long ago I did see a report on a stewardess who was able to pick up on those tells (confirmed with the girl) - and had the police meet them at the gate when they landed where the man was arrested. she saved an adolescent girl who was being sex trafficked.

[Farrar]

I can imagine that this does go wrong sometimes - that sometimes flight attendants or TSA see a family that don't look like they're genetically related - and they rely on that as their "hunch" and ignore all the other signs that the family does belong together. I'm guessing that in cases where there's a kid who is not neurotypical that it could become a brief, but potentially traumatic, issue. I guess I hope they're also receiving training to counter those assumptions. As in, training in the fact that families don't have to "match" to not be trafficking (and conversely, that families that do appear to "match" can absolutely be trafficking as well).

[shawthorne44]

That wouldn't have bothered me at all.   Getting on a flight isn't a right.    I was once subjected to an intense questioning merely because of my age/race/gender and somewhat my lack of luggage.  But, I understood.   Someone that fit my profile at the time (college-aged, single female travelling alone) once blew up a really big plane.   Bonus is that I think we had the same hair color.  It was an international flight leaving London.  

I was also once the kid the people in authority thought was being kidnapped.    It was on the Mexican border on the Mexican side coming back to Texas.   My last name was long and my signature was a squiggle after the first four letters.   The Mexican border agent said that I "didn't know my own name".   it was straightened out and we let through.  

Note, I am someone that said I wouldn't consent to a search.   

[J-rap]

I'd just answer their questions, unless you want to risk missing your flight.  I think most agents are usually considerate and reasonable;  now and then, as in all things, you'll run into someone who's a little annoying or rude.  You could always carry your children's passports with you even when flying domestically, in the future.

[sassenach]

Shrug. Identifying yourself is part of flying. Flying isn't a right. Your situation sounds entirely appropriate and I'm quite happy that TSA recognizes their role in disrupting sex trafficking. 

[Pen]

46 minutes ago, Mshokie said:

My feeling is that if the TSA wants to prevent child trafficking, then they should spell that it out in the ID requirements in their website. I'm fine with following the rules as long as I know what they are. Don't tell me that I don't need to bring anything for my kids and then stare down a shy 4-year-old because she won't say her name.  I could do without the accusatory tone of the agent because traveling with kids is stressful enough. But US immigration and TSA are great at making everyone feel like a criminal.

 

 

Yes.  That is annoying.   

Generally documents aren’t required for a 4 yo flying domestically.

But they also expect that the child can answer a few questions.  

 

Edited March 3, 2019 by Pen

[Pen]

I guess if your child is just shy, not nonverbal you could work on answering questions about name and so forth before next flight.

 

[katilac]

47 minutes ago, Mshokie said:

 I could do without the accusatory tone of the agent because traveling with kids is stressful enough. 

 

I'm not questioning your experience, but do keep in mind that the agent may have been joking when saying, "I'll give you a pass this time" to a four-year-old. And because you were stressed with travel in general and them talking to a child you knew wouldn't answer in particular, it struck you as more accusatory and threatening than it actually was. The agent was reasonable about it and questioned your teen about who he and his sister were instead. 

They do have to do their best to verify that everyone is who they say they are. Asking a 4-yr-old for name and age isn't over the top. Some airlines actually require that you bring the minor's birth certificate, so always check the policy! 

[gardenmom5]

21 minutes ago, Farrar said:

I can imagine that this does go wrong sometimes - that sometimes flight attendants or TSA see a family that don't look like they're genetically related - and they rely on that as their "hunch" and ignore all the other signs that the family does belong together. I'm guessing that in cases where there's a kid who is not neurotypical that it could become a brief, but potentially traumatic, issue. I guess I hope they're also receiving training to counter those assumptions. As in, training in the fact that families don't have to "match" to not be trafficking (and conversely, that families that do appear to "match" can absolutely be trafficking as well).

some "tells" in the report I saw spoke of a noticeable discrepancy in the quality of dress and grooming.  the girl was wearing poor quality clothes, dirty, unkempt.  the man was wearing an expensive suit and very well groomed.  

there are also behaviors they look at.  trafficked kids tend to be shy, look insecure and fearful. they also tend to be quiet. (as they're told to not speak.)

[katilac]

4 hours ago, Mshokie said:

 It was obviously some kind of child trafficking prevention tactic that made me feel a bit icky. My kids look like me but what about families with non-bio children? Or non-verbal older children? Or even my dark-haired husband traveling with our blonde daughter? I travel frequently with my children, usually internationally, and I have never encountered this line of questioning before, probably because I have always presented their passports in those situations.

 

Yes, if you have passports you will usually not get this type of questioning. If you want to speed things along, you can just take their passports on all flights. 

It's a very good idea for non-verbal older children to have an ID. For all kinds of reasons and for their own safety, not just to make dealing with TSA easier. When a non-verbal child gets lost, there needs to be some way of finding out who they are. 

If my non-verbal child looked nothing like me, I'd also carry a copy of the birth certificate, simply to make life easier. 

[Farrar]

3 minutes ago, gardenmom5 said:

some "tells" in the report I saw spoke of a noticeable discrepancy in the quality of dress and grooming.  the girl was wearing poor quality clothes, dirty, unkempt.  the man was wearing an expensive suit and very well groomed.  

there are also behaviors they look at.  trafficked kids tend to be shy, look insecure and fearful. they also tend to be quiet. (as they're told to not speak.)

I'm thinking that those things could easily be misread though. I mean, how many of us have had preschoolers who refuse to get cleaned up and we just stop bothering beyond the twice weekly hosedown? Or have had kids who just refused to talk to strangers when they were young and were naturally shy? No matter what, I'm thinking sometimes people are going to mess it up. And they're more likely to mess it up for kids who aren't neurotypical and families who are mixed race because of marriage or adoption or both. And maybe it's just inevitable to some extent, but I guess continuing to be aware and push awareness is good.

Did anyone see the thing where Cindy McCain reported the family that was mixed race at the airport? It was really recent. The craziest part about that to me was that the McCains themselves had adopted children from abroad. It was all cleared up very quickly though. Finding this balance seems like it's really, really hard.

[TechWife]

3 hours ago, Mergath said:

If having TSA ask you screening questions to prevent child trafficking is something that makes you feel icky and you think you need to "take a stand" against it, you'd probably be better off driving. My kids having to give their name and age if we flew is pretty much the least invasive thing I can think of and I can't for the life of me imagine why anyone would having a problem with it. 

My son was always asked to identify himself when he was flying as a minor. He was also asked, with some regularity, a variation of the question “Who is the lady (or man) with you?”  It’s not just child trafficking that’s a concern, it’s also custody disputes that they are trying to head off by asking some basic questions. People who buy their tickets very close to their travel time are sometimes subject to careful questioning as well. 

Also, keep in mind that while you have a right to privacy and can’t be subject to search in your own home, that does not apply to flying on an airplane. No one has a right to fly on an airplane. You don’t have to allow your children to answer their questions,  it they also don’t have to,allow,you to get on the plane if you don’t. 

Edited March 3, 2019 by TechWife

[Terabith]

Oh dear.  My 13 year old is far from nonverbal, but she has no ID and significant anxiety.  She could easily look like a trafficking victim and might not respond to someone asking her name or age.  She has a hard time remembering her birthday, especially under stress.  She has a hard time ordering food or requesting a refill at a restaurant. Not sure how she would react to a TSA agent.  

[Ottakee]

12 minutes ago, Terabith said:

Oh dear.  My 13 year old is far from nonverbal, but she has no ID and significant anxiety.  She could easily look like a trafficking victim and might not respond to someone asking her name or age.  She has a hard time remembering her birthday, especially under stress.  She has a hard time ordering food or requesting a refill at a restaurant. Not sure how she would react to a TSA agent.  

If you want to travel you might consider getting her a state issued ID.  The cost is low and it might come in very handy for travel.  Just go to your state's secretary of state website to find out the required documents, fees, etc.  My kids have all had them for years.

[Corraleno]

I've flown quite a lot with my kids since they were little, and TSA always asked them their names and ages. Even when I showed their passports on domestic flights, the agent would usually look at each kid and ask them to confirm their name, and sometimes confirm who I was. However, I've never been asked to show adoption documents or even had my parentage questioned, despite the fact that DD and I are not the same race.

I've also never been asked for proof that I had their father's permission to travel with them, even when traveling abroad. Mostly they have been teens when we traveled abroad, but the kids and I went to Greece when they were 10 and 14 and no one asked about permission from their dad.

[Mbelle]

This happened to my youngest a few years ago.  He is very shy and anxious and had a pretty severe articulation problems.  He absolutly refused to talk, but we did get through.

 

[Martha in GA]

Quote

I learned early on to obtain and carry ID for both DC when they were young. When oldest DS was 8, we were flagged upon checkin at the airport. His name (with middle initial) is the same as someone on TSA's watchlist. I had no ID for him. (Note: Saying "Does he look like a terrorist?" is not a good idea - ask me how I know 😒.) It took a half hour before he was cleared, and required getting a senior airport manager to enter a special code. I thought it was a one-off. Wrong. Next time we flew, same thing. This time I was able to tell the gate agent the process to get him cleared.

My name is evidently associated with a terrorist. When I got stopped the second time, the agent indicated that my name was supposed to be "cleared" after the first stop. He fixed it for me : )

[AK_Mom4]

DD17 has flown domestically at least 4 times a year since she was a baby (hey - Alaska is a long way from everywhere).  We got her and her siblings state IDs after 9-11 to make travel easier.  Later on, we got them passports and we all travel with those.  I like using my passport as ID on domestic travel because it’s faster at TSA - they all know how to read a passport.  Some places the agents struggle to find the right info on my state drivers license.

DD17 has chatted with TSA agents all over the country answering their questions since we have passed through most major US airports at one time or another. They almost always have asked her name, age and who she was traveling with.  We practiced at home once she was big enough to answer the questions.   This has been her “normal” growing up and now that she is older, she is comfortable traveling alone as well.

As a frequent traveler, my recommendation is always to practice with your kids before you leave home and to take ID for everyone.  Oh - and double-check kids bags yourself before going through security to avoid the Embarrassing Water Bottle incident......

[Violet Crown]

deleted; getting too emotional & ranty, sorry

Edited March 3, 2019 by Violet Crown

[SKL]

Adoptive parent here, with kids who clearly are not biologically related, who has traveled many times with the kids.

I always bring their passports so they have their own ID.  Also I fully expect them to be asked a few very basic questions - and it is about 50/50 that they are asked.

We have not traveled when they were nonverbal (other than the initial trip home).  If they were unable or unwilling to answer the TSA's questions, I would not take offense at being asked for more info / documentation.  It is recommended that adoptive parents bring the birth cert along on all travels, but I must admit I usually forget to do this.  At least I know my kids are able to say "yeah, she is my mom" if it comes to that.

I would add that the TSA is the least of my concerns.  We have gotten much more scrutiny at foreign airports.

Child trafficking is a real problem, and I for one am glad that security personnel are trained to double check that a child is traveling with a legally authorized person.

I would agree that airlines etc. should advise parents ahead of time if they are going to need to present proof under certain circumstances.

[chiguirre]

We've traveled quite a bit with GW and Geezle. We've always been treated kindly. I think that it helps that GW has an obvious intellectual disability and usually travels with a carry-on full of stuffed animals. TSA agents are satisfied with him saying his nickname. Now, of course, he travels with a passport because he's a legal adult and has to provide a photo ID but even when he was younger we never had an issue. 

[Frances]

On 3/3/2019 at 7:33 AM, Mshokie said:

My feeling is that if the TSA wants to prevent child trafficking, then they should spell that it out in the ID requirements in their website. I'm fine with following the rules as long as I know what they are. Don't tell me that I don't need to bring anything for my kids and then stare down a shy 4-year-old because she won't say her name.  I could do without the accusatory tone of the agent because traveling with kids is stressful enough. But US immigration and TSA are great at making everyone feel like a criminal.

 

Have you traveled outside the US? I don’t think US immigration and TSA are unique. I’ve had far more uncomfortable experiences abroad.

Edited March 8, 2019 by Frances

[gardenmom5]

 

 

4 hours ago, Farrar said:

I'm thinking that those things could easily be misread though. I mean, how many of us have had preschoolers who refuse to get cleaned up and we just stop bothering beyond the twice weekly hosedown? Or have had kids who just refused to talk to strangers when they were young and were naturally shy? No matter what, I'm thinking sometimes people are going to mess it up. And they're more likely to mess it up for kids who aren't neurotypical and families who are mixed race because of marriage or adoption or both. And maybe it's just inevitable to some extent, but I guess continuing to be aware and push awareness is good.

Did anyone see the thing where Cindy McCain reported the family that was mixed race at the airport? It was really recent. The craziest part about that to me was that the McCains themselves had adopted children from abroad. It was all cleared up very quickly though. Finding this balance seems like it's really, really hard.

this wasn't little kids - but adolescent.  and it's more than the teenager who won't take a shower... (yeah, got one of those.  sure, I engage in extortion to make him take a shower.)

and I have a kid on the spectrum - and if they went after him, I would tell them he's on the spectrum so they really need to be gentile to not freak him out.  going through the x-ray scanner last didn't make him happy.  good reminder, I need to prepare him for next trip.

it does take experience to sift between the unexpected appearance (but otherwise normal) from the - "sketchy".  there is something "different", and that "difference" - can be very hard to define.

ie.  I was once in my local fred meyer.  I watched a 30ish guy come in with three teen girls. in most circumstances, I'd not think anything else as I went on my way.    However, there was a big difference in their behavior - he was non-chalant following them, they …. were being seriously hyper excited to be there and giggling with each other as they showed each other their findings, and racing around.  while young teenybopper girls might giggle, and race around - not with a guy along who isn't their father.  it was way beyond how "normal" teenage girls would behave in such a store.  However, as I was watching the girls - their behavior was NOT what would be expected for their age-range or dress.  I just felt like something was off.   I watched them further - I was left with a very strong impression- he was a pimp, and he was trafficking them.

like i said - there is just something "different" that is hard to define.

[73349]

DS is always asked his name and age, never who he's flying with or where he's going.

I will say the resemblance is very, very obvious, and we're normally talking as we approach the checkpoint (e.g., I remind him he doesn't have to take his shoes off even though we do, but his coat needs to go on the belt, etc).

TSA's interest is usually in my DH, who travels with an excessive quantity of electronics, and in the quantity of food I carry for DS.

[Pronghorn]

I think it is good to get and carry a child ID if there is anything about your family that other people might perceive as a red flag. I am an adoptive mother to a child of another race. She came with some emotional issues, so she had occasional public mega-meltdowns until the age of nine. Plus she was tall and therefore looked older. Once in the post office, when she was six or seven, she had a meltdown. I knew she might go on for a while, so to spare everyone's eardrums, I picked her up and carried her out flailing like a fish and screaming. I got to our van, put her in, and was standing outside the van waiting for her to calm down when some women came up to me and asked me if she was my child. At that moment my child was in the van kicking the windows with all her might and screaming, obviously angry. I wanted to say that I certainly would not put up with this behavior if she wasn't mine. And if I was a kidnapper, I'd probably drop this child and find a quieter one! But I simply answered that she was and the woman went away. After that, I got a county ID card that listed me as her parent and had her picture on it. I never needed to use it, but it gave me a lot of piece of mind. Imagine the trauma to a child who was already having attachment problems if the police confiscated her or perhaps even just questioned her!

When I tell this story to people who are not adoptive parents, they sometimes say that it is great that people are watching out for children. The incident was very frightening for me, though, and I did not feel glad at all. I understand that we want to watch out for trafficked kids. But I don't want to sacrifice the well-being of my child to protect those children. She is important too! I wish people would use a little emotional intelligence and differentiate between a child who is hopping mad and a child who is terrified. And also differentiate between a harried mom of a kid with emotional issues and a person who is actually causing a child to scream via abuse. Anyway, the best answer I could find to protect my child was a county-issued child ID. And the process of getting it put my child's fingerprints on file for if she ever actually was kidnapped. The process was easy and inexpensive.

[TheReader]

The only time I ever took issue with TSA was when we were on leg 1 of a trip, from Denver to Houston to Brazil.  The youngest was....6? Something like that. As the Mom and Chief Document Holder, I had all 5 of our passports with boarding passes inserted in each one at the ID/photo page, ready to hand the TSA guy at the check point, as I'd done it dozens of times, in various airports, since our first trip down to Brazil. Well, this time, this particular TSA agent chewed me out -- full on lecture mode -- about everyone needing to carry his own passport. Handed the whole stack back to me and made me hand them out to everyone before he'd look. So I had to open them all, hand them to the right kid (and me & dh) and then each one hand it to the agent. 

After all that, he still went through also asking everyone who they were, how old, going where, etc. Youngest answered "home" - ha! And that was after some prompting, because he did NOT talk to people back then, at all. The guy was not amused and only got more annoyed as I tried to explain to him that really youngest had no clue beyond that. (answers other times had been "to grandpa's house"  or "The United States"......fun times)

We got through and the guy again said to me "Remember, everyone MUST carry their own!" as he handed back the passports......all back to me (true story: did he hand them back, individually, to the kids as he questioned them? no, not at all. saved 'em up, gave 'em all back to me, and then reminded me everyone had to present their own. Or else.) ugh. 

So, ha, yes, answer the who are you, how old, where are you going. Roll your eyes later, safely out of earshot of the TSA guys. And if you do take ID for your kids....for the love of all that is holy, please have your child carry it, just in case. (insert eye-rolling smilie here, please....) (we always take passports, just in case, and find it so very odd when we don't actually need them for domestic travel)

[TechWife]

2 hours ago, TheReader said:

The only time I ever took issue with TSA was when we were on leg 1 of a trip, from Denver to Houston to Brazil.  The youngest was....6? Something like that. As the Mom and Chief Document Holder, I had all 5 of our passports with boarding passes inserted in each one at the ID/photo page, ready to hand the TSA guy at the check point, as I'd done it dozens of times, in various airports, since our first trip down to Brazil. Well, this time, this particular TSA agent chewed me out -- full on lecture mode -- about everyone needing to carry his own passport. Handed the whole stack back to me and made me hand them out to everyone before he'd look. So I had to open them all, hand them to the right kid (and me & dh) and then each one hand it to the agent. 

After all that, he still went through also asking everyone who they were, how old, going where, etc. Youngest answered "home" - ha! And that was after some prompting, because he did NOT talk to people back then, at all. The guy was not amused and only got more annoyed as I tried to explain to him that really youngest had no clue beyond that. (answers other times had been "to grandpa's house"  or "The United States"......fun times)

We got through and the guy again said to me "Remember, everyone MUST carry their own!" as he handed back the passports......all back to me (true story: did he hand them back, individually, to the kids as he questioned them? no, not at all. saved 'em up, gave 'em all back to me, and then reminded me everyone had to present their own. Or else.) ugh. 

So, ha, yes, answer the who are you, how old, where are you going. Roll your eyes later, safely out of earshot of the TSA guys. And if you do take ID for your kids....for the love of all that is holy, please have your child carry it, just in case. (insert eye-rolling smilie here, please....) (we always take passports, just in case, and find it so very odd when we don't actually need them for domestic travel)

My husband can be a bit of a control freak when we fly as a family. The first international trip we did with ds (he was a teen), dh tried to handle the passports and got the same lecture from the TSA agent. But, it isn't just a TSA rule. Security in other countries have this rule as well. The reasoning is basic, as the person who owns the documents should be in possession of them. However, it also goes a little deeper and serves as a protection for the people traveling. Sometimes travel parties do become separated from one another - each person still needs their passport, not only for identification, but in order to travel home. Additionally, it serves as a small protection for those who may be traveling against their will. Without possession of the passport, someone who is away from their home country has a much harder time returning to their home country, as it will involve trips to the embassy and other paperwork in order to get a replacement passport while abroad. Now, in reality, an abuser can demand the passport back after they have cleared security and customs, but having possession of a passport may provide a tiny window of time for someone to be able to break free. It also means that security and customs are not facilitating an abusive situation and possibly even an international kidnapping.

I know that sounds far fetched to some, but I think people who work in airports have seen things that some of us have no idea about. It's sort of like working in a hospital in that there is a huge cross section of the population present, a large number of people, there is stress and so many different things can happen. I've had people ask me why our hospital system has it's own police force, and I respond "Oh, you have no idea/wouldn't believe what goes on in a hospital." I think the same thing about an airport - I am sure I have no idea what all they have seen and been involved with, especially the large airports or airports that serve as ports of entry for a country. I think we tend to think of the more obvious situations, like terrorism, and lately awareness of human trafficking has increased, but when you consider domestic violence, child custody disputes, drug trafficking, the fact that people get sick in airports, have accidents, etc.. - I've probably only mentioned the tip of the iceberg, honestly. The rules really are there for a reason.

[Guest]

DD is usually asked, and she carries her own ID, and has since she was 10, and happily hands it over. Usually they hand it back and ask her her name, who she’s traveling with, and where she’s going.

a little funny-she has done a program in the summers in the past which has the kids sign a statement not to post names or information on social media (for the privacy of the participants). DD was asked where she was going, and she said with panic, “I’m not supposed to say”. I reassured her that it was OK to tell the TSA, and she did so, with the kind of trepidation reserved for top secret information. 

[musicianmom]

Our family has done a lot of air travel, and all TSA ever does is tell the kids “raise your hand when I call your name” and then read the names off the boarding passes. Weird that the procedures aren’t uniform. 

[moonflower]

6 hours ago, Pronghorn said:

I think it is good to get and carry a child ID if there is anything about your family that other people might perceive as a red flag. I am an adoptive mother to a child of another race. She came with some emotional issues, so she had occasional public mega-meltdowns until the age of nine. Plus she was tall and therefore looked older. Once in the post office, when she was six or seven, she had a meltdown. I knew she might go on for a while, so to spare everyone's eardrums, I picked her up and carried her out flailing like a fish and screaming. I got to our van, put her in, and was standing outside the van waiting for her to calm down when some women came up to me and asked me if she was my child. At that moment my child was in the van kicking the windows with all her might and screaming, obviously angry. I wanted to say that I certainly would not put up with this behavior if she wasn't mine. And if I was a kidnapper, I'd probably drop this child and find a quieter one! But I simply answered that she was and the woman went away. After that, I got a county ID card that listed me as her parent and had her picture on it. I never needed to use it, but it gave me a lot of piece of mind. Imagine the trauma to a child who was already having attachment problems if the police confiscated her or perhaps even just questioned her!

When I tell this story to people who are not adoptive parents, they sometimes say that it is great that people are watching out for children. The incident was very frightening for me, though, and I did not feel glad at all. I understand that we want to watch out for trafficked kids. But I don't want to sacrifice the well-being of my child to protect those children. She is important too! I wish people would use a little emotional intelligence and differentiate between a child who is hopping mad and a child who is terrified. And also differentiate between a harried mom of a kid with emotional issues and a person who is actually causing a child to scream via abuse. Anyway, the best answer I could find to protect my child was a county-issued child ID. And the process of getting it put my child's fingerprints on file for if she ever actually was kidnapped. The process was easy and inexpensive.

 

I wouldn't know how to differentiate.  If the kid is kicking and screaming bloody murder, as a parent who has not had kids with attachment issues or serious meltdown issues (past the age of like 3), I wouldn't know the difference between a kid being kidnapped and a kid having a meltdown.