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Really Dumb Sh!t People Might Say To You if You Homeschool


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"You shouldn't be allowed to homeschool kids these days because they won't know what to do when there is a real emergency--they won't know how to act during an active shooter situation and then all that homeschooling is going to get them killed."

I didn't mean to but I laughed out loud at the absurdity of it.

 

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Said with an indulgent and superior smile, “You have to cut the apron string someday, you know.”  As if I was keeping the kids home for selfish reasons.  Homeschooling is one of the most unselfish things I’ve ever done in my life.  

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YES! I was told, that HOW would my kids learn to deal with bullies; her son was stabbed in the hand with a knife at school, and she was glad that he learned how to deal with that. I asked her, when at work did she have to deal with bullies? Unless you work with unstable people (like a doctor, police officer, psychologist, jail worker, etc..) you should never worried about being stabbed. 

 

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30 minutes ago, lmrich said:

YES! I was told, that HOW would my kids learn to deal with bullies; her son was stabbed in the hand with a knife at school, and she was glad that he learned how to deal with that. I asked her, when at work did she have to deal with bullies? Unless you work with unstable people (like a doctor, police officer, psychologist, jail worker, etc..) you should never worried about being stabbed. 

 

That poor kid must've missed the day that they ran "Active Knifeman Drills" . She should move to a tougher and rougher school district so that he'll have more exposure to random acts of violence so that he can really learn those critical survival skills before he's fatally stabbed during an otherwise routine mugging.

 

I mean W...T...H. is wrong with people?

How do these things escape "Stupidity Detection" once said?

 

I'll admit that every now and then I'll think or say something that's just a bit dumb, but I catch on that what I just said or thought was dumb.
What is WRONG with people?

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1 hour ago, lewelma said:

"You only homeschool because you don't want to have to go back to work."

Ah yes, I sit around on my *ss all day and read romance novels. No work involved in homeschooling.

Yep, you lazy bum! Lazing around reading romance and munching bon-bons. That's gotta be all that you're doing during the day if you homeschool.

You can't possibly be actively working at raising, teaching, grooming and molding your child(ren) into productive, well-adjusted adults. (You're not qualified after all).

Only teachers can instill children with the skills to read and write and think, let alone guide them in how to combine those skills to perform research in order to find, evaluate, learn and synthesize facts from history, government, geography or any other field of knowledge.

 

I mean kids need to be institutionalized under the supervision of random adults with other kids within 1 standard deviation of their own experiences and development in order to become adults.

 

At home, you can't be doing anything worth while with them in your own home. It's impossible. You don't have a phD.

 

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1 hour ago, lmrich said:

YES! I was told, that HOW would my kids learn to deal with bullies; her son was stabbed in the hand with a knife at school, and she was glad that he learned how to deal with that. I asked her, when at work did she have to deal with bullies? Unless you work with unstable people (like a doctor, police officer, psychologist, jail worker, etc..) you should never worried about being stabbed. 

 

Well, I had to deal with those people professionally. 

 

Granted,  they were generally chained to the floor, though, so maybe the public school training wasn't really necessary...

(Kudos to you for not smacking that idiot's bottom. )

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20 minutes ago, Gil said:

Yep, you lazy bum! Lazing around reading romance and munching bon-bons. That's gotta be all that you're doing during the day if you homeschool.

You can't possibly be actively working at raising, teaching, grooming and molding your child(ren) into productive, well-adjusted adults. (You're not qualified after all).

Only teachers can instill children with the skills to read and write and think, let alone guide them in how to combine those skills to perform research in order to find, evaluate, learn and synthesize facts from history, government, geography or any other field of knowledge.

 

I mean kids need to be institutionalized under the supervision of random adults with other kids within 1 standard deviation of their own experiences and development in order to become adults.

 

At home, you can't be doing anything worth while with them in your own home. It's impossible. You don't have a phD.

 

 

So much this. 

I seriously want to smack people who so blithely (and blindly) advocate institutionalizing children as a matter of course. Grr.

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I just got this one last week:

"They do get OUT though, don't they?  To have some social time?"

No lady, we never leave the house.  My part time job is not as a chauffeur to dance, youth group, scouts, archery, park dates and all the just hang out sessions with friends in between.  

Seriously I can't believe this still comes up.  I may have rolled my eyes or snickered inadvertently.  My kids are freaking social butterflies.  So the irony just kills me.  If only they would stay home every once in a while and be the isolated homeschoolers these people think they are so I could get a break.

It's been ten years of answering the same question so my patience has worn a bit thin.

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10 hours ago, lmrich said:

YES! I was told, that HOW would my kids learn to deal with bullies

One of my kids routinely visits the local elementary school playground in order to inure herself to bullying behavior. It is like a vaccination - she can deal with a small amount from a strong perspective (because she's older than the bullies and can leave whenever she likes) rather than deal with a full force infection without protection.

One of my mom's friends asked me if I planned to homeschool college.

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One of my favorites “When does she get to spend time with normal kids?”

We were at cheer practice. I’m pretty sure she considers her DD  (and the other girls on the team) “Normal”! 

 

And cheer has definitely given my DD plenty of time to learn to deal with bullies, social aggression, queen bees and cliques, and everything else that comes with girls in groups. I think it also has a lot to do with her desire to never go to public school (except for college-she’s perfectly happy there). 

Edited by dmmetler
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11 hours ago, Gil said:


What is WRONG with people?

 

Watch "Inherit the Wind"...there's a scene where they are all singing "Gimme that old time religion...its good enough for me".  and that is the answer to your question...its good enough for them, and who are you to burst their bubble with reality.  Or demand they actually walk their talk.

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Similar to others...sitting at a dance school on a bench with other moms, watching our kids in dance class. The kids were talking and stuff before class started and then of course dancing and playing games together during class. One mom then says to me, "I know you homeschool, I just don't agree with it. I mean, how are they ever going to socialize...be around kids their own age and be normal." I replied, " well I did let them out of the basement to come and play with these kids... hopefully they are normal!" (This was before the ca incident with the horrible parents "homeschooling" 13 kids happened. I wouldn't say that now)

I've also gotten the, ruined them from ever fitting in because they are too advanced and/or awkward. Yup some of mine are on the spectrum...they ARE awkward...does the ps have a magic potion that fixes it?

 

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My mother's big ones were:  "they have to learn to wake up at a certain time so they can get a job",  "they need to have experience with other teachers and group classes", "he needs to learn how to behave in an acceptable way", "she needs to be able to get past the anxiety and do things". 

Most of the time my answer has been along the lines of "they have plenty of time to figure that out" since most of these started in kindergarten.  Or I just say "we're working on it".   She does finally admit homeschooling is probably the best thing for them, as long as we make sure to address X, y and z. 

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Someone commented to me once, about dd who is now a LT in the Navy, and a helo pilot, "How is she ever going to learn time management if she isn't in school?" "Let's see, she get up at 0500, feeds the flock and herd, and heads to work, then swims her workout with the team, then has classes at the college, then heads to the airport for flying lessons, then back to work, then more classes, then workout again with the team, then guards again, then comes home to chores, and then heads to bed somewhere around midnight. I think she has time management covered, in spades." Really????

Another dd's life: hours and hours of practice, hours and hours of rehearsal, performance, and then when everyone else was off relaxing of their day off, she went and ran a half marathon!

Edited by Margaret in CO
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"This weather is making me wish I homeschooled. I just hate having to go out in it." - My neighbor to me the other day as we were dealing with more snow.

She said this to me as I was pulling into the driveway after bringing one of my kids home from volunteering. I'm not sure where she thought I was coming from.

The only time the kids get a break from their outside activities is when the local PS has a snow day because that automatically means my kids' activities are cancelled. I don't think she realizes two of my kids volunteer, three are in karate, two do tumbling, one has gymnastics practice, one has art lessons, another has piano lessons, and then there is youth group & homeschooling group activities. I think I leave the house more often than she does! The only thing we don't leave the house for is school. 🐍

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I recently had a conversation with a Lebanese gentlemen -- a friend of my dad's. DS and I were sitting at my parents restaurant having lunch. My dad was sitting with us chatting and he came up. Of course, initial question was, "why aren't you in school?" To which we explain we homeschool. He was horrified. "Why would you do that?" "How do  you do that?" "Why would you not take advantage of public schools....that are so great . . . ." the questions are rapid fire and he didn't want any answers... after awhile he begins to tell a story about how when he came from Lebanon and entered US public schools, the high schools were about at a Lebanese 5th grade level... he proceeded to say how shocked he were that the public schools were so behind and how terrible they were academically. I just sat there staring. Seriously?!? 

My dad  vehemently defended our decision to homeschool and while I appreciated his support  .  . . some people are not worth the effort.

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The lady at our goodwill said a couple of weeks back "well...I guess since they are younger it doesn't matter they aren't getting much of an education now but when do you plan to send them to real school?" 😂 

Sadly, on the drive home I came up with many snappy comebacks but in the moment I was just hoping my poor kids didn't hear her comment as we bought STACKS of high interest science and history books. 

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People say all kinds of dumb things.  A lady gave me the "how will they ever learn to socialize" line after having a delightful conversation with my 10 yo about a variety of topics, all without any help or prompting from me, while her public-schooled 10yo granddaughter sat there silent and terrified-looking when I just smiled and said hello to her.  Poor kid.  A neighbor gave me the "how will they learn to deal with bullies" line, right in front of another neighbor whose dc was dealing with severe depression because of bullies in the public school.  That lady understood and approved of my homeschooling, but the other one didn't.  I was still cheerful to her.  Fast forward a few years, and she told me how much they wished they'd homeschooled their dc, who hadn't learned much in school, and how impressed they were with how confident and knowledgeable my dc were.  Whatever.  People are going to say stupid stuff, and hopefully they'll realize it later.  It's not worth getting myself in a tizzy.  

 

 

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I was told by a member of the school board who found out we homeschooled that I "really needed to support the local school district by sending my kids because they receive money for each kid that's in a seat every day" and "to help raise the district's test scores."

Yeah... I'm going to send my kids to ps, so a district with 20% passing in math and 30% passing in reading will get more money and possibly marginally higher test scores. Nope. Education is too important to sacrifice my kids for 💰 and the "greater good."

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I don't know why other parents think that social skills are learned at school. It's at home that social skills are supposed to be learned  so that they can be exercised or used outside of the home.

Edited by Gil
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1 hour ago, Gil said:

I don't know why other parents think that social skills are learned at school. It's at home that social skills are supposed to be learned exercised or used outside of the home.

This. I specifically don’t want my kids learning social skills from other kids WHO DON’T KNOW ANY BETTER ANYWAY!! Lol. 

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My favorite is still my mil, when dh told her we were planning on homeschooling.  Oldest dd was almost 1 at the time.

"But you won't be able to homeschool, you'll be having a second baby her Kindergarten year!"

Um, I'm still not certain how she decided that.  I did actually have a baby that year--my fourth.  And Kindergarten went just fine with baby in tow.

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1 minute ago, 4KookieKids said:

My most annoying one to date is definitely this:

”You know, your kid probably wouldn’t be autistic if you had just put him in school and daycare, because then he would’ve learned those social skills early.”

 

Tell them your kid only has a limited ration of neurotypical manners and you didn't want them wasted so early in life.  
I'm convinced that's my problem. 😛

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"They need go to school to learn street smarts" I'm not sure what exact street smarts they were referring too. We live in a plain Jane middle class suburban neighborhood and I'm sure none of the kids here would stand a chance in a bad neighborhood on the street. I'm not sure it would be a good thing if they could either. 

 

"It must be so nice to homeschool, sleep in all day, stay in your pjs" 

Ummm ya that's what we do all day sleep and stay in our pjs.

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My in-laws had all the concerns when the kids were younger about me not being able to adequately teach them since I'm not a professional.  They now acknowledge that my kids' academics are superior to what they would get in public school, but it doesn't matter--that's not the most important thing to learn in school.  ???  Actually, though, they rarely comment to us now.  My sil, however, gets comments, criticisms, and her child quizzed constantly.  She homeschooled her 3rd kid for K and then sent him to public school for 1st, and is planning on doing the same with #4.  She actually has a degree in teaching.  All I can figure is that they think I am beyond hope, but that they can nip it in the bud with her? 

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"If they're homeschooled, who is going to tell them the truth about Santa and the Tooth Fairy?"

"Who is going to teach them about sex?"

"I don't know how you do it. I could never be around my kids all day, every day without a break from them" <--Said by my coworker as we stood in our place of work and I was in the middle of working a 8hr day shift just like everyone else in the building.

"If you homeschool your kids, they're going to hate religion by the time that they're grown."

"They are going to need a real teacher at some point."

 

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12 hours ago, Gil said:

I don't know why other parents think that social skills are learned at school. It's at home that social skills are supposed to be learned exercised or used outside of the home.

 

School uses middle class social skills -- hands to yourself,  respect for others, respect for others possessions, etc.  Not all public school parents are middle class  -- the school is the only place where their dc can learn these skills. 

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1 hour ago, HeighHo said:

 

School uses middle class social skills -- hands to yourself,  respect for others, respect for others possessions, etc.  Not all public school parents are middle class  -- the school is the only place where their dc can learn these skills. 

Uh...

Only middle class parents can teach their kids to respect others etc.?

Where are you getting this?

Please show me the sociology research behind your assertions.

ETA the only relevant research I have seen suggests that working class parents are more likely to emphasize respect for authority and following rules and middle class parents are more likely to teach their children self advocacy skills and a sense of entitlement (in a positive way). I'm trying to remember which books I read about this in but here is one sampling of relevant research:

https://www.csmonitor.com/The-Culture/Family/2012/1010/Middle-class-students-are-taught-by-parents-to-speak-up-says-study

Schools unfortunately do not usually contribute much to working class kids learning self advocacy skills, they more often reinforce the "respect authority and stay out of trouble" motif.

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I think the most awkward moment was when my DD's speech therapist, who had worked with her 1-3x per week for 7 or 8 years at that point, said, "I always thought homeschooling was so weird, but now that I have a daughter, I'm beginning to see some reasons it might work." I wasn't quite sure how to respond to the thought that she had thought me "so weird" for 7 years...

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15 minutes ago, maize said:

Uh...

Only middle class parents can teach their kids to respect others etc.?

Where are you getting this?

Please show me the sociology research behind your assertions.

 

 

I asserted that people who do not know middle class values cannot teach middle class values to their children.   You have picked one value out of the  package I began to list and decided it doesn't belong solely to the middle class. I do agree with you, the upper class also uses that value.  You can do your own research.  I suspect there is quite a lot of it, particuarly when it comes to restorative justice.

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1 minute ago, HeighHo said:

 

 

I asserted that people who do not know middle class values cannot teach middle class values to their children.   You have picked one value out of the  package I began to list and decided it doesn't belong solely to the middle class. I do agree with you, the upper class also uses that value.  You can do your own research.  I suspect there is quite a lot of it, particuarly when it comes to restorative justice.

None of the values you listed are exclusive to middle and upper classes.

I edited my post to discuss some actual research into the matter, I would like to see the relevant research for your point of view.

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Just now, maize said:

None of the values you listed are exclusive to middle and upper classes.

I edited my post to discuss some actual research into the matter, I would like to see the relevant research for your point of view.

 

And when do that work and offer, you will decide its not valid. Do your own work.

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One of my favorite comments was completely unwitting. When DD did state history in 4th grade, she wrote rather long, drawn out proposals to name  the Timber Rattlesnake the National reptile. She sent these to our senators and congressmen, as well as Obama and Biden. She got, mostly, form letters back, but Lamar Alexander (or, more likely, an aide) wrote a very nice response back praising DD’s research and education and commenting that her writing skills were a credit to the fine education she was receiving and the quality of TN schools. 🤣

 

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35 minutes ago, HeighHo said:

 

 

I asserted that people who do not know middle class values cannot teach middle class values to their children.   You have picked one value out of the  package I began to list and decided it doesn't belong solely to the middle class. I do agree with you, the upper class also uses that value.  You can do your own research.  I suspect there is quite a lot of it, particuarly when it comes to restorative justice.

Here's an article describing research that challenges another of your assertions--about respect for property. Seems affluent parents are less successful than working class parents at teaching their kids not to steal...

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/articles/201311/the-problem-rich-kids

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1 minute ago, dmmetler said:

One of my favorite comments was completely unwitting. When DD did state history in 4th grade, she wrote rather long, drawn out proposals to name  the Timber Rattlesnake the National reptile. She sent these to our senators and congressmen, as well as Obama and Biden. She got, mostly, form letters back, but Lamar Alexander (or, more likely, an aide) wrote a very nice response back praising DD’s research and education and commenting that her writing skills were a credit to the fine education she was receiving and the quality of TN schools. 

 

This is great!

Edited by maize
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People say dumb stuff about all sorts of things that are out of their comfort zone.  I had someone tell me that my 8 year old should not be running more than a mile.  She was in a kid's running club that was getting kids ready for a 5k (so not like I was having her run super long distances that might indeed hurt her joints).  That same person then turned around after the 5k and asked why she only ran a 5k and hadn't trained harder and run a marathon. 

I had someone say to me just the other day that she just did not have the patience to teach her kids.  I agreed with her.  I don't always have patience either!  She then said that she does fine with the kids in her classroom (she's a teacher's aide) and I told her that I have had times when I have pretended that I was in a classroom and that my kids weren't mine.  Which is true!  I mean, we have threads all the time on these boards about how to handle it when our kids are driving us nuts.  And some people are advised to put their kids into p.s. to save the relationship.  And some just keep on teaching their kids anyway.  (Not making value judgements on individual situations since those vary so much and people know their own kids and dynamics and what works best for them.) 

I have found the people who are really annoying about homeschooling (BIL, I'm looking at you) are often really annoying about everything.  You really can't please them unless you do everything exactly the way that they would do it.  And even then that might not be enough.

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I had one lady that I met at a kid's birthday party look at my kids as they ran around with the other kids and say "You homeschool?  But. . . they are so . . . social!"  I deadpanned, "Yes, I let them out of the basement just for this."  She looked at me in complete horror and then chuckled nervously, "Oh!  You're joking!  . . . Right?"  In the interest of not having her call CPS on me, I did admit that yes, I was joking. 

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22 minutes ago, Jean in Newcastle said:

I had one lady that I met at a kid's birthday party look at my kids as they ran around with the other kids and say "You homeschool?  But. . . they are so . . . social!"  I deadpanned, "Yes, I let them out of the basement just for this."  She looked at me in complete horror and then chuckled nervously, "Oh!  You're joking!  . . . Right?"  In the interest of not having her call CPS on me, I did admit that yes, I was joking. 

This is hilarious 😂

I feel the socialization stigma comes up alot but I am confused as to why this is a thing. In PS, kids are in a classroom the majority of the day where they are not interacting with peers but sitting in desks. When they do get their 15 min recess break and 30 min lunch break you are looking at maybe a grand total of an hour of interaction per day. Maybe more if they ride a bus. They then come home and most are not going out to play outside with friends, they are plopping themselves in front of homework and screens. 

Meanwhile, at least in my little utopian homeschool community, our kids are typically done with work and lunch by 1pm where we then will do enrichment afternoon classes with friends, get in groups to run projects, free play at the park and so forth. A couple days per week we attend an umbrella school where they take high interest classes in theater, cooking, art, science etc and they get all of the free play they need and want. My kids have learned how to interact with multiple teachers, multiple homeschool parents, new kids they meet in various classes, it is amazing. They chat with ease to adults and kids of various ages. They also have not adopted the negative coping skills and low self esteem that can plague many kids in the PS system when their area school is underperforming. It just truly baffles me that "social skills" is the thing that gets thrown around as if 30 same aged kids in a classroom learning pecking order Lord of the Flies style is the end all and be all of social prowess. 

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9 minutes ago, nixpix5 said:

This is hilarious 😂

I feel the socialization stigma comes up alot but I am confused as to why this is a thing. In PS, kids are in a classroom the majority of the day where they are not interacting with peers but sitting in desks. When they do get their 15 min recess break and 30 min lunch break you are looking at maybe a grand total of an hour of interaction per day. Maybe more if they ride a bus. They then come home and most are not going out to play outside with friends, they are plopping themselves in front of homework and screens. 

 

 

When my kids were in elementary school, they were subjected to silent lunches.  And, if they weren't silent enough during lunch, they would lose recess and would have to be silent then, too (this was the entire class, not just individual kids).  DH and I were furious and had to fight hard to get rid of those silent lunches.  It was worse than prison!  Just one of many reasons I always find the socialization issue to be ridiculous.

 

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The socialization thing always cracks me up. Not only because my kids are super social, but am I the only one who at some point had a public school teacher remark, "Stop talking! We're not at school to socialize!" 🤣😂🤣

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