katilac Posted February 13, 2019 Share Posted February 13, 2019 1 hour ago, Rosie_0801 said: I think it depends whether or not the elder has watched the younger grow up. When my dd was in high school and reading Emma, she came in ranting and waving the book around. "OH. MY. GOD! Is she going to marry Mr. Knightley? Is she? Eww, gross, I'm not finishing this!" Emma is 21, but she could not get past the whole watching her grow up thing (in addition to thinking that 36 was really, really old). It used to be quite a popular trope. In the Elsie Dinsmore series, her father's friend meets her when she is 5 and marries her when she is 21. He definitely watches her grow up, the man watches her a bit too much for comfort. When she's still quite little, he talks about waiting for her. When she is about 13, he says that he wishes she were ten years older. At about 15, he claims a 'reward' of a kiss on the lips, and says that he wishes he were ten years younger (her dad, who sees this, adds to the creepy by telling her that 'you are mine' and that no one else has a claim on her; gross, dad). When they confess their love for each other, he refers to her as my dear child and little Elsie (romantic, no?) and speaks of how he has always loved her 'as a child and a woman' and that he has longed for her for so many years. I'm blanking on other examples, but they're definitely out there. 34 minutes ago, Frances said: But what I don’t understand is why, if she’s almost eighteen. Why not just wait? Why would the parents sign, rather than making them wait a bit longer? I know they follow a religion that strongly prohibits sex before marriage, so my guess is that they don't want to wait a bit longer. This may be why the parents consented as well; they figure they will be married now or in a few months from now, so why leave them to temptation? 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted February 13, 2019 Share Posted February 13, 2019 11 minutes ago, katilac said: It used to be quite a popular trope. I know. The stuff brain bleach was invented for. 😩 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted February 13, 2019 Author Share Posted February 13, 2019 11 minutes ago, katilac said: When my dd was in high school and reading Emma, she came in ranting and waving the book around. "OH. MY. GOD! Is she going to marry Mr. Knightley? Is she? Eww, gross, I'm not finishing this!" Emma is 21, but she could not get past the whole watching her grow up thing (in addition to thinking that 36 was really, really old). It used to be quite a popular trope. In the Elsie Dinsmore series, her father's friend meets her when she is 5 and marries her when she is 21. He definitely watches her grow up, the man watches her a bit too much for comfort. When she's still quite little, he talks about waiting for her. When she is about 13, he says that he wishes she were ten years older. At about 15, he claims a 'reward' of a kiss on the lips, and says that he wishes he were ten years younger (her dad, who sees this, adds to the creepy by telling her that 'you are mine' and that no one else has a claim on her; gross, dad). When they confess their love for each other, he refers to her as my dear child and little Elsie (romantic, no?) and speaks of how he has always loved her 'as a child and a woman' and that he has longed for her for so many years. I'm blanking on other examples, but they're definitely out there. I know they follow a religion that strongly prohibits sex before marriage, so my guess is that they don't want to wait a bit longer. This may be why the parents consented as well; they figure they will be married now or in a few months from now, so why leave them to temptation? But the real problem is they approve of him. If they didn’t there wouldn’t be any temptation because he would not be dating her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted February 13, 2019 Share Posted February 13, 2019 5 minutes ago, Scarlett said: But the real problem is they approve of him. If they didn’t there wouldn’t be any temptation because he would not be dating her. Maybe they see something good in him that we’re missing? 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katilac Posted February 13, 2019 Share Posted February 13, 2019 38 minutes ago, Scarlett said: But the real problem is they approve of him. If they didn’t there wouldn’t be any temptation because he would not be dating her. Well, he wouldn't be dating her openly. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katilac Posted February 13, 2019 Share Posted February 13, 2019 39 minutes ago, Rosie_0801 said: I know. The stuff brain bleach was invented for. 😩 Right? Ever since I read that, I'm forever imagining him saying my dear child at other, uh, romantic moments. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted February 13, 2019 Share Posted February 13, 2019 4 hours ago, Catwoman said: I’m not being argumentative here; I’m just curious. At what point does a 9 year age gap become not creepy? I don't think it's creepy as long as the younger person is of the age of consent and has the mental capacity to consent. What exactly is creepy about a young man being interested in a biologically full-grown, almost legal adult, neurotypical woman? When I was a teen age 16+, I had some men older than that who were "interested" in me. I wasn't "interested" in them, but I didn't find it creepy that they would take an interest. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted February 13, 2019 Share Posted February 13, 2019 (edited) 4 hours ago, Library Momma said: In many states I believe this would be statutory rape. Although the age of consent in many places is 16, for those under 18 their partner cannot be more than 4 years older. I'm not sure of the laws in your state. I have never heard of that kind of law. I have heard of that applying to people having sex before the age of consent, but with another young person, to prevent young adults from being in trouble over relationships with under-age people close to their own age. Pretty sure there is no law anywhere in the US against dating or "being interested in" a 16yo, no matter how old you are. Edited February 13, 2019 by SKL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted February 13, 2019 Author Share Posted February 13, 2019 1 hour ago, katilac said: Well, he wouldn't be dating her openly. How else would he date her? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
unsinkable Posted February 13, 2019 Share Posted February 13, 2019 8 hours ago, Scarlett said: How else would he date her? Let's play Family Feud! top 3 answers are on the board! Our number one answer is...! 1. Secretly 8 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Annie G Posted February 13, 2019 Share Posted February 13, 2019 10 hours ago, SKL said: I have never heard of that kind of law. I have heard of that applying to people having sex before the age of consent, but with another young person, to prevent young adults from being in trouble over relationships with under-age people close to their own age. Pretty sure there is no law anywhere in the US against dating or "being interested in" a 16yo, no matter how old you are. In our state, Illinois, the age of consent is 17 so two 16 year old engaged in heavy petting would both be violating the law and could potentially be placed on the sex offender list. Of course that doesn’t happen but they do actually mention the ‘less than five year’ age difference and I expect a bigger age difference means more serious charge for the older person. If the older person is in a position of authority the age of consent jumps to 18. We actually have experience w this kind of scenario. A friend allowed her daughter to date an adult we know. When the girl got pregnant the mom wanted the guy arrested and that was about to happen. Anyway, the girl got emancipated quickly and married the guy. (I’m not defending the guy- the relationship was wrong from the beginning.) But you’re right- being interested isn’t A crime. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marbel Posted February 13, 2019 Share Posted February 13, 2019 14 hours ago, Catwoman said: I’m not being argumentative here; I’m just curious. At what point does a 9 year age gap become not creepy? I know this thread is mostly over but this turn of the conversation is interesting to me. I don't think there is a specific point. Every couple is different. I might have thought something like 21 and 30 (or maybe 25 and 34?) would a time when the age gap was OK. Then I met a newly-married couple; she was 19 he was 28. They had lived in the same town and gone to the same church all their lives, so presumably he "watched her grow up." They are a wonderful couple, beautifully matched; they have a couple of kids and everyone is just as happy as can be. I don't know the families except the woman's younger brother; he seems very happy with his older brother-in-law. Lots of us probably have similar anecdotes. My husband and I met when one of us was 37 and the other 29. That's only 8 years, not the 9 we are talking about but still a big gap to most people. Does it make a difference that I am the older one? (I'm sure his parents were not pleased, him marrying an older woman and a Yankee besides.) I am creeped out by the notion of a 17-year-old getting married, no matter what the age gap is, but that's because it's outside my own experience. Others may not find it creepy at all. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ravin Posted February 13, 2019 Share Posted February 13, 2019 4 minutes ago, Annie G said: We actually have experience w this kind of scenario. A friend allowed her daughter to date an adult we know. When the girl got pregnant the mom wanted the guy arrested and that was about to happen. Anyway, the girl got emancipated quickly and married the guy. (I’m not defending the guy- the relationship was wrong from the beginning.) But you’re right- being interested isn’t A crime. In my state, this scenario could very well result in charges for the guy--and for the parents that let her date him in the first place. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairfarmhand Posted February 13, 2019 Share Posted February 13, 2019 I wonder what would happen if someone went to this girl and helped her tease out why she wants this soooo badly. I wonder if she was offered a better living situation and a solid plan for the future on her own if she’d find him so appealing. I’m picturing that she hopes for more autonomy and space and adultness and sees this guy as a way to achieve that. Some families do the whole chaperoning dating stuff and close parental supervision in ways that don’t make their older teens feel infantilized. Others do it poorly and the kids try to find inappropriate ways of breaking free of that. All speculation I know. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted February 13, 2019 Author Share Posted February 13, 2019 38 minutes ago, fairfarmhand said: I wonder what would happen if someone went to this girl and helped her tease out why she wants this soooo badly. I wonder if she was offered a better living situation and a solid plan for the future on her own if she’d find him so appealing. I’m picturing that she hopes for more autonomy and space and adultness and sees this guy as a way to achieve that. Some families do the whole chaperoning dating stuff and close parental supervision in ways that don’t make their older teens feel infantilized. Others do it poorly and the kids try to find inappropriate ways of breaking free of that. All speculation I know. I don’t really know and I suspect that ship has sailed. She has a good relationship with her parents. They had her when they were both 16, which makes me even more puzzled that they would allow her to date and marry so young since they have had a hard time. But maybe they think since he is older it will be a step up? Beats me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted February 13, 2019 Author Share Posted February 13, 2019 1 hour ago, unsinkable said: Let's play Family Feud! top 3 answers are on the board! Our number one answer is...! 1. Secretly You mean like she sneaks out of her home at 2 a.m and they have sex? Yes I know some kids do this kind of stuff but I have no reason to believe she would. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted February 13, 2019 Share Posted February 13, 2019 (edited) 36 minutes ago, Scarlett said: You mean like she sneaks out of her home at 2 a.m and they have sex? Yes I know some kids do this kind of stuff but I have no reason to believe she would. I doubt anyone is thinking of anything that dramatic. Is this girl never out of the house without supervision at any time of the day or night? The guy doesn’t even have a job, so he could meet up with her pretty much any time she was available. And honestly, if the girl is so strictly supervised that she could never find an hour to meet up privately with someone, I wouldn’t really blame her for marrying the first guy who came along, just to finally get a little freedom. Edited February 13, 2019 by Catwoman 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hippiemamato3 Posted February 13, 2019 Share Posted February 13, 2019 33 minutes ago, Scarlett said: You mean like she sneaks out of her home at 2 a.m and they have sex? Yes I know some kids do this kind of stuff but I have no reason to believe she would. Or, like, she says she's going to the library and instead they go out for dinner or play board games. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted February 13, 2019 Share Posted February 13, 2019 1 minute ago, hippiemamato3 said: Or, like, she says she's going to the library and instead they go out for dinner or play board games. Yes, exactly. Is the poor girl chaperoned everywhere she goes? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted February 13, 2019 Author Share Posted February 13, 2019 2 minutes ago, hippiemamato3 said: Or, like, she says she's going to the library and instead they go out for dinner or play board games. She doesn’t have a car. She lives 10 miles from a small town. But she meets lots of people. They are very social.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted February 13, 2019 Author Share Posted February 13, 2019 1 minute ago, Catwoman said: Yes, exactly. Is the poor girl chaperoned everywhere she goes? Well, she had barely got her license when she started dating this guy. So she has been focused solely on him for almost a year. But your question is hard to answer because she isn’t a ‘poor’ girl unless you mean money wise. And the word chaperoned is generally about dating and yes she is not alone with him.....but she doesn’t have to be with her parents everywhere she goes if that is what you mean. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Annie G Posted February 13, 2019 Share Posted February 13, 2019 1 hour ago, Ravin said: In my state, this scenario could very well result in charges for the guy--and for the parents that let her date him in the first place. Yup, if the girl hadn’t been able to get emancipated it definitely would have. When she got pregnant she was 14 and the guy was 24. Yikes!!! DH and I tried so hard to point out to the mom how inappropriate the relationship was from the beginning but she didn’t listen. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted February 13, 2019 Share Posted February 13, 2019 Just now, Scarlett said: Well, she had barely got her license when she started dating this guy. So she has been focused solely on him for almost a year. But your question is hard to answer because she isn’t a ‘poor’ girl unless you mean money wise. And the word chaperoned is generally about dating and yes she is not alone with him.....but she doesn’t have to be with her parents everywhere she goes if that is what you mean. I said “poor girl” because I feel sorry for her if she is chaperoned so closely that she couldn’t possibly see the guy without getting caught and getting into trouble for it. That’s ridiculous and stifling. But if she doesn’t have to be with her parents all the time, I can guarantee you that unless she is a complete moron (which I’m sure she isn’t,) she can certainly find a way to be alone with the guy. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeachyDoodle Posted February 13, 2019 Share Posted February 13, 2019 1 minute ago, Catwoman said: I said “poor girl” because I feel sorry for her if she is chaperoned so closely that she couldn’t possibly see the guy without getting caught and getting into trouble for it. That’s ridiculous and stifling. But if she doesn’t have to be with her parents all the time, I can guarantee you that unless she is a complete moron (which I’m sure she isn’t,) she can certainly find a way to be alone with the guy. I agree. And no, that doesn't necessarily mean sex. I was a very religious teenager, raised in a conservative but not authoritarian home. But I can tell you that had my parents suddenly decided to forbid me from seeing my now-dh, I would have found a way around it. There's no question. Fortunately they never had cause to do that. We were virgins on our wedding night six years after we started dating. But young love is a powerful thing. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hippiemamato3 Posted February 13, 2019 Share Posted February 13, 2019 5 minutes ago, Scarlett said: Well, she had barely got her license when she started dating this guy. So she has been focused solely on him for almost a year. But your question is hard to answer because she isn’t a ‘poor’ girl unless you mean money wise. And the word chaperoned is generally about dating and yes she is not alone with him.....but she doesn’t have to be with her parents everywhere she goes if that is what you mean. She's never alone with him? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted February 13, 2019 Share Posted February 13, 2019 1 minute ago, PeachyDoodle said: I agree. And no, that doesn't necessarily mean sex. I was a very religious teenager, raised in a conservative but not authoritarian home. But I can tell you that had my parents suddenly decided to forbid me from seeing my now-dh, I would have found a way around it. There's no question. Fortunately they never had cause to do that. We were virgins on our wedding night six years after we started dating. But young love is a powerful thing. Yes, and the girl has her driver's license, so it would be easy enough to make a little detour to see the guy for even a half hour at a time. If she’s fine with being chaperoned every time she’s with the guy, that’s all well and good, but the guy is 26, and I don’t know of any 26 year-old who wouldn’t want to be alone with his girlfriend and who wouldn’t try to make that happen. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted February 13, 2019 Author Share Posted February 13, 2019 1 minute ago, Catwoman said: Yes, and the girl has her driver's license, so it would be easy enough to make a little detour to see the guy for even a half hour at a time. If she’s fine with being chaperoned every time she’s with the guy, that’s all well and good, but the guy is 26, and I don’t know of any 26 year-old who wouldn’t want to be alone with his girlfriend and who wouldn’t try to make that happen. Wow. You and I live in very different worlds. But I am confused about why we are even talking about this. She is with him EVERY day. He stays at her house until 11:45 every night and comes in at midnight to elderly couples home. Her parents are obviously fine with their relationship and the girl and man are fine with the standard of being chaperoned. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marbel Posted February 13, 2019 Share Posted February 13, 2019 3 minutes ago, Catwoman said: Yes, and the girl has her driver's license, so it would be easy enough to make a little detour to see the guy for even a half hour at a time. If she’s fine with being chaperoned every time she’s with the guy, that’s all well and good, but the guy is 26, and I don’t know of any 26 year-old who wouldn’t want to be alone with his girlfriend and who wouldn’t try to make that happen. If I am not mistaken (and I know I will be corrected if I am wrong, lol), they share a conservative religious faith. So while I suppose 26-year-old men who are OK with not being alone with their girlfriends are rare, they may not be in this particular group. They may both be fine being chaperoned - meaning,around other people. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted February 13, 2019 Share Posted February 13, 2019 (edited) 11 minutes ago, Scarlett said: Wow. You and I live in very different worlds. But I am confused about why we are even talking about this. She is with him EVERY day. He stays at her house until 11:45 every night and comes in at midnight to elderly couples home. Her parents are obviously fine with their relationship and the girl and man are fine with the standard of being chaperoned. It all started because of this exchange, where you didn’t seem to understand how a couple could date secretly. 13 hours ago, katilac said: Well, he wouldn't be dating her openly. 11 hours ago, Scarlett said: How else would he date her? Also, just because they are together every day with her family doesn’t mean they don’t also want to have some time alone. It seems naive to think that couldn’t (or wouldn’t) ever happen. I’m not suggesting that they’re sneaking off for sex; I’m just saying that I wouldn’t assume they never meet secretly just because they want to get away from her family for a little while. Edited February 13, 2019 by Catwoman 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted February 13, 2019 Share Posted February 13, 2019 14 minutes ago, Scarlett said: Wow. You and I live in very different worlds. But I am confused about why we are even talking about this. She is with him EVERY day. He stays at her house until 11:45 every night and comes in at midnight to elderly couples home. Her parents are obviously fine with their relationship and the girl and man are fine with the standard of being chaperoned. I’m not sure what you mean by the bolded. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted February 13, 2019 Share Posted February 13, 2019 15 minutes ago, marbel said: If I am not mistaken (and I know I will be corrected if I am wrong, lol), they share a conservative religious faith. So while I suppose 26-year-old men who are OK with not being alone with their girlfriends are rare, they may not be in this particular group. They may both be fine being chaperoned - meaning,around other people. If that’s the case, I hope it works out for them. 🙂 I was mainly responding because Scarlett seemed to be saying that the couple couldn’t find a way to be alone together, and I doubted that was the case. If they choose not to be alone together, that’s fine, but I think they could be alone together if it was important to them. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted February 13, 2019 Author Share Posted February 13, 2019 12 minutes ago, Thatboyofmine said: Is this a universal JW thing... the chaperoned dating? I had a close friend in high school and college who was JW and he and his gf (also JW) were definitely ‘active’ iykwim. I do think they went out in groups the vast majority of the time and they were very active in their faith, but... well, things happen. I’m not sure if they were necessarily chaperoned (at least most of the time) or if they were just always (well almost) around other members or what. I’m just asking because this idea of chaperoning is really foreign to me, at least regarding what I know about JW. Remaining chaste is the standard. If you knew someone professing to be a JW while practicing premarital sex then that is someone living a double life. These two do not appear in any way to be living a double life but of course I can’t say that for sure. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
unsinkable Posted February 13, 2019 Share Posted February 13, 2019 (edited) 3 hours ago, Scarlett said: You mean like she sneaks out of her home at 2 a.m and they have sex? Yes I know some kids do this kind of stuff but I have no reason to believe she would. 2 hours ago, Catwoman said: I doubt anyone is thinking of anything that dramatic. Is this girl never out of the house without supervision at any time of the day or night? The guy doesn’t even have a job, so he could meet up with her pretty much any time she was available. And honestly, if the girl is so strictly supervised that she could never find an hour to meet up privately with someone, I wouldn’t really blame her for marrying the first guy who came along, just to finally get a little freedom. Speak for yourself, ma'am! I bet there are tons of people who could come up with something even MORE dramatic. Sometimes, the MOST dramatic stuff happens in the most unlikely of places, like little villages where hardly anyone normal lives. J/K!!! I agree with you...I was just using "secretly" in contrast to "openly." Edited February 13, 2019 by unsinkable 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted February 13, 2019 Share Posted February 13, 2019 3 hours ago, Catwoman said: Yes, and the girl has her driver's license, so it would be easy enough to make a little detour to see the guy for even a half hour at a time. If she’s fine with being chaperoned every time she’s with the guy, that’s all well and good, but the guy is 26, and I don’t know of any 26 year-old who wouldn’t want to be alone with his girlfriend and who wouldn’t try to make that happen. He knows the rules and she's still 17. I don't think it's hard to picture an adult man waiting for either marriage or legal adulthood before being alone with a girl. Based on many of the comments here, he's lucky the parents are letting him within half a mile of her, and I'm sure he knows it. So they are probably getting married early because they don't want to wait long to get more intimate. That is the custom in many cultures, present and past. It does not seem far-fetched that he can put up with it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted February 13, 2019 Share Posted February 13, 2019 This is a bit off topic, but it is interesting how many people don't seem to see much space between "they are interested in each other' and "they are having sex." On one hand it's unthinkable for a 25yo to be interested in a 17yo at all, on the other hand we're idiots if we don't realize he's getting intimate with her on the sly, or at least trying to. It seems to me that there used to be a lot of space in between; has that changed and I didn't notice? When my friend moved here from India, she and all her folks were convinced that the Western term "date" always included "having sex," and therefore people were quick to state they / their girl relatives never dated and when they heard someone did, it was such a shame. I had to work hard to convince her that I'd dated multiple men but was still a virgin. 😛 But am I the one who is deceived? 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted February 13, 2019 Share Posted February 13, 2019 (edited) 15 minutes ago, SKL said: He knows the rules and she's still 17. I don't think it's hard to picture an adult man waiting for either marriage or legal adulthood before being alone with a girl. Based on many of the comments here, he's lucky the parents are letting him within half a mile of her, and I'm sure he knows it. So they are probably getting married early because they don't want to wait long to get more intimate. That is the custom in many cultures, present and past. It does not seem far-fetched that he can put up with it. Actually, the part that seems the most bizarre to me is that a 26 year-old man has so little to do in his life and so few interests that he spends every evening at his 17yo girlfriend’s parents’ home. Edited February 13, 2019 by Catwoman Typo! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marbel Posted February 13, 2019 Share Posted February 13, 2019 Just now, Catwoman said: Actually, the part that seems the most bizarre to me is that a 26 year-old man has so little to do in his life and so few interests that he spends every evening at his girlfriend’s parents’ home. But you have no idea what kinds of conversations they may have or what they may do. He may have many interests but prefers, at this time of his life, to spend his time with her and his future in-laws. Maybe they have lots of interesting things to discuss. Maybe they play games, or read to each other, or build stuff, or do archery or target shooting in the back yard, or watch movies, or the news, or interesting documentaries. That is a pretty wild assumption you are making there, Cat. 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
unsinkable Posted February 13, 2019 Share Posted February 13, 2019 I dislike talking about this girl but in general... what if a 26 yo (male) is courting and marrying an inexperienced 17 yo (female) because he isn't interested in sex at all? Or interested in straightforward (however you define it) hetero sex? She might end up disappointed, frjstrated, discouraged...after marrying. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HomeAgain Posted February 13, 2019 Share Posted February 13, 2019 2 minutes ago, Thatboyofmine said: I find it bizarre that a 26yo man has no job and actually turns down good jobs. It seems to me he should be spending that time looking for a job or working his behind off doing anything he can to get out of the elderly couple’s house. There’s lots of red flags flying... I know a guy like this. He felt he was better than the job but barely had a GED. It caused a lot of contention until he finally got his act together, kept a job for longer than a few months, and started supporting his wife and two young kids. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted February 13, 2019 Share Posted February 13, 2019 3 minutes ago, marbel said: But you have no idea what kinds of conversations they may have or what they may do. He may have many interests but prefers, at this time of his life, to spend his time with her and his future in-laws. Maybe they have lots of interesting things to discuss. Maybe they play games, or read to each other, or build stuff, or do archery or target shooting in the back yard, or watch movies, or the news, or interesting documentaries. That is a pretty wild assumption you are making there, Cat. We’ll have to agree to disagree. 🙂 I would think the average 26yo man has friends or family that he would spend some time with, and that he would have at least a few outside interests aside from spending every possible waking moment with his teenaged girlfriend. Also, Scarlett said that there are two parents and three teens living in that tiny little trailer, so add this guy and you’ve got 6 people in that tiny little trailer. I think that would be a little too close for comfort for most people, even under the best of circumstances. This guy sounds more like an immature high school freshman than like a 26yo adult. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted February 13, 2019 Author Share Posted February 13, 2019 5 minutes ago, marbel said: But you have no idea what kinds of conversations they may have or what they may do. He may have many interests but prefers, at this time of his life, to spend his time with her and his future in-laws. Maybe they have lots of interesting things to discuss. Maybe they play games, or read to each other, or build stuff, or do archery or target shooting in the back yard, or watch movies, or the news, or interesting documentaries. That is a pretty wild assumption you are making there, Cat. Yes that charcterization is not accurate. He is closer in age to her parents than he is to her, so they have fun together. Some people probably have the image of them sitting in the parlor with her dad in between. Not like that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted February 13, 2019 Share Posted February 13, 2019 6 minutes ago, Thatboyofmine said: I find it bizarre that a 26yo man has no job and actually turns down good jobs. It seems to me he should be spending that time looking for a job or working his behind off doing anything he can to get out of the elderly couple’s house. There’s lots of red flags flying... I agree. He sounds both immature and irresponsible. Maybe he spends so much time at the girl’s house because he gets free meals. 😉 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
unsinkable Posted February 13, 2019 Share Posted February 13, 2019 1 minute ago, Scarlett said: Yes that charcterization is not accurate. He is closer in age to her parents than he is to her, so they have fun together. Some people probably have the image of them sitting in the parlor with her dad in between. Not like that. Oh, yeah...that is something... The parents are 32-33. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted February 13, 2019 Author Share Posted February 13, 2019 1 minute ago, Catwoman said: We’ll have to agree to disagree. 🙂 I would think the average 26yo man has friends or family that he would spend some time with, and that he would have at least a few outside interests aside from spending every possible waking moment with his teenaged girlfriend. Also, Scarlett said that there are two parents and three teens living in that tiny little trailer, so add this guy and you’ve got 6 people in that tiny little trailer. I think that would be a little too close for comfort for most people, even under the best of circumstances. This guy sounds more like an immature high school freshman than like a 26yo adult. You really find it weird that he wants to spend every evening with his fiancé? They have a lot of interest and they go do things, concerts. , movies etc. and yes I am sure when they are at her house it is tight but a lot of people live in tight quarters Cat. Not you I know. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted February 13, 2019 Author Share Posted February 13, 2019 2 minutes ago, Catwoman said: I agree. He sounds both immature and irresponsible. Maybe he spends so much time at the girl’s house because he gets free meals. 😉 He is immature and irresponsible. Which has been my biggest issue with him all along. I hear he has worked a few days in the last 2 weeks... so maybe that job will give him more hours soon. I know that is what he is hoping. But he is getting down to the wire now. Will be interesting to watch. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
unsinkable Posted February 13, 2019 Share Posted February 13, 2019 Just now, Thatboyofmine said: Maybe he holding out for a management position. Winner, winner, chicken dinner! 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
unsinkable Posted February 13, 2019 Share Posted February 13, 2019 3 hours ago, Scarlett said: Wow. You and I live in very different worlds. But I am confused about why we are even talking about this. She is with him EVERY day. He stays at her house until 11:45 every night and comes in at midnight to elderly couples home. Her parents are obviously fine with their relationship and the girl and man are fine with the standard of being chaperoned. 7 minutes ago, Scarlett said: You really find it weird that he wants to spend every evening with his fiancé? They have a lot of interest and they go do things, concerts. , movies etc. and yes I am sure when they are at her house it is tight but a lot of people live in tight quarters Cat. Not you I know. Now, now don't get Catty... But really, I live in a small house and I can't imagine a fiance of one of my kids here every night well past bedtime. People have to get up and go to work/school/appts. And I am confused about the rules...can they go places alone together? Like to the movies? Is being in public enough of a chaperone? 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
unsinkable Posted February 13, 2019 Share Posted February 13, 2019 Oh, and the "elderly" couple...they must be pushing 50, right? I'll show myself out... 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted February 13, 2019 Share Posted February 13, 2019 3 minutes ago, Scarlett said: You really find it weird that he wants to spend every evening with his fiancé? They have a lot of interest and they go do things, concerts. , movies etc. and yes I am sure when they are at her house it is tight but a lot of people live in tight quarters Cat. Not you I know. Yes. I do find it weird. I don’t know any single adult who spent that amount of time with a girlfriend or boyfriend. They have their lives together, but they also have separate lives and interests. I don’t think it’s healthy for this girl to be with the guy all the time, and frankly, I think her parents are making a huge mistake by not encouraging her to do things without him. I certainly wouldn’t want him at my house all the time. (I would want him to go look for a job and stop freeloading!) Also, a “tiny little trailer” goes beyond what most people would define as “tight quarters,” and six people all together in that tiny little living area every day or evening would probably be claustrophobic for most people, particularly because one of those six people is not a family member. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Garga Posted February 13, 2019 Share Posted February 13, 2019 Oh wow—he is closer in age to the parents! They all (parents included) sound so very, very young to me. 😞. The parents probably do think that their daughter is waiting a long time, since she’s waiting almost a full two years longer than they did. So it probably seems pretty reasonable to them, in the long run. The new couple will have hardships, sure, but I guess the parents figure they’ll carve out a life somehow or other. They possibly have more of a “friend” relationship with the fiance, rather than a “parental, in-law” relationship. He is possibly more of a peer to them than anything else. So, they’re possibly happy to have a friend join the family. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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