Wedding Invite Question

[goldberry]

So, the newer, more informal wedding invites sometimes don't show the party's last names. Example below.  DD chose one that only lists first names.  It just seems really odd to me that there are no last names really anywhere in the invitation.  But I got one last summer that was the same way. I remember later asking my friend what the new last name would be.   I mean theoretically all the people we are inviting will know who this is.  Am I the only one who thinks it's weird?  Should I just not worry about it?

 

 

 

[Storygirl]

I've never gotten an invitation like that. However, it has been years since I've been invited to a wedding. What if people can't figure out who is getting married? I know that when I got married, my mom insisted on inviting some second and third cousins that were important to her, but whom I had only met once or twice as a child. What are the chances they would have even known whose wedding it was, if my last name had not been on it?

I think it's weird. But the design does look pretty.

Edited February 8, 2019 by Storygirl

[forty-two]

Make sure you have both the bride's and groom's full names on the return address?  I do think you need the last names on there *somewhere*.

[goldberry]

3 minutes ago, forty-two said:

Make sure you have both the bride's and groom's full names on the return address?  I do think you need the last names on there *somewhere*.

That's what I was thinking as a possibility.

We're not inviting any random people who don't know the two very well.  And most of the people getting an invite already know about the wedding anyway.  But the fiance's name is fairly common (like "John") so I wondered if people on his side might think, which John?   But again, most of them know both parties and know about the wedding. 

[Moonhawk]

I've received one invitation like this. I'm not a real fan but understand it is both a statement of independence from family as well as setting the tone for a more informal wedding, not as traditional. 

Last names are a useful practical thing to have, for rsvp, getting the correct registry, writing a check, addressing a card and updating an address book, etc. But assuming it's a small wedding and everyone who was invited is told to expect a invitation, it shouldn't be a real problem. 

[Lang Syne Boardie]

It may be beautiful and casually friendly, but I would have to contact them by whatever means provided, to make sure I knew who it was. 

Having gone through a child's wedding in the past year, I have to say I wouldn't want to do anything that would further increase the phone calls to the MOB and MOG. I think even if everyone knows the couple, they'll still call to confirm that this is "the" Anna and Richard they know.

[goldberry]

Is there another way to get the last names in there somehow besides the return address?

 

[Suzanne in ABQ]

I know my mom received an invitation like that from my cousin's daughter.  My mom had no idea who the people were.  On top of that, the bride (a graphic artist) had designed the invitation herself, and it looked nothing like a wedding invitation.  It looked more like business correspondence.  Then, the print was so small, that my 80yo mom couldn't read it without really working hard at it.  She threw it away, never even realizing that she had even received it. (Later, I showed her mine, and she remembered seeing it).

I think that all of this should be taken into consideration.  

[Lang Syne Boardie]

4 minutes ago, goldberry said:

Is there another way to get the last names in there somehow besides the return address?

 

 

I think my first thought would be to name the parents? Or say, "Anna and Richard, along with the Smith family and Johnson family..." It's a little clumsy but maybe somebody could improve the way to use parents' names as ID.

[Moonhawk]

Oh the other issue is: I know my friend's last name, but not necessarily the soon-to-be spouse's.

Around the time of my marriage, My kinda uncommon first+last name combo was on another registry, getting married to a man with a similar name as my husband (think Darin and Dan). For my side of guests, not having my husband's last name on the invitation may have started calls.

But again, it really depends on the audience receiving the invitation, and if they like the design, then that's that. It just might generate a few "What's his last name again?" calls.

Maybe it could fit on the RSVP? "[ ] I plan to attend Anna Smith's and Richard Gere's wedding". Though I guess they have to send that back, so not as helpful...

 

[goldberry]

We were going to have a "details" card that has directions to the site.  What if I added under details "The Wedding of " and then full names?  Would that be enough along with the return address maybe?

 

[Chris in VA]

It's different.

The editor in me wants to point out that the numbers of the time of day should be in the same format; if you spell out "ten" in "ten o'clock," you need to spell out "four," too. (I know this isn't yours, it just irks me.)

[Lori D.]

Agree -- people need last names, esp. if first names are common.

How about doing the big first names graphically, like in your example, and then below that in the smaller type, restate the couple's first/last names along with the rest of "...together with their families invite you..." text. Like this:

 

Edited February 8, 2019 by Lori D.

[Kassia]

We just received a "Save the Date" card with no last names on it anywhere.  I only knew through Facebook that the groom had recently gotten engaged otherwise I may have been confused for a bit about who was getting married.

[goldberry]

2 minutes ago, Lori D. said:

Agree -- people need last names, esp. if first names are common.

How about doing the big first names graphically, like in your example, and then below that in the smaller type, restate the couple's first/last names along with the rest of "...together with their families invite you..." text. Like this:

 

I like that, I'm going to try it out on their invite.

[Lori D.]

4 minutes ago, goldberry said:

I like that, I'm going to try it out on their invite.

And if the design or designer limits them to only 2 lines of "inviting text" (so can't add that 3rd line of text), how about changing the wording to:

ANNA SMITH & RICHARD GERE, WITH THEIR FAMILIES,
INVITE YOU TO CELEBRATE THEIR WEDDING

or

ANNA SMITH & RICHARD GERE AND THEIR FAMILIES
INVITE YOU TO CELEBRATE THEIR WEDDING

Edited February 8, 2019 by Lori D.

[Acorn]

I find that odd. Dh and I have very popular names for our generation. In fact one of my aunts has a same name niece on the other side of her family, who married a man with dh’s first name and similar last name.

[goldberry]

We're not using that invite, it was just an example of the style.  It's really quite popular now, if you google wedding invitations you see tons of them like that.  DD's is more colorful at least!

[Farrar]

Well, I'll dissent. I think people should do whatever they want for their weddings. Unless their names are so common that it's not going to be obvious or unless they're inviting everyone and their neighbor and some people might not know them that well... I think it's fine!

[goldberry]

Here's some more examples, there's a bunch out there.  I think Lori's idea will work perfectly though!  @Lori D. , you not only got my DD through high school into college with all your advice, you're still helping! 🙂  Queen of the Hive! 

 

[Tap]

DD and SIL's were like this.....but there were only 40 people invited, and both of their full names were on the outer envelope. It was a backyard wedding and the invitations were just a way to make sure people had an official date/time/location. Everyone was actually invited in person or via personal email. 

[goldberry]

1 minute ago, Tap said:

DD and SIL's were like this.....but there were only 40 people invited, and both of their full names were on the outer envelope. It was a backyard wedding and the invitations were just a way to make sure people had an official date/time/location. Everyone was actually invited in person or via personal email. 

 

We have about 100 people, but all either fairly close family or friends of both bride and groom, no distant relatives or parent's friends.  I worry mostly about fiance's common name on his side of the family though.  DD's name is more unusual, but his side won't really recognize it.

[goldberry]

Glad I asked, thanks for the advice everyone1

[happi duck]

I'm in awe of people who feel that known!

I never expect people to know me and except for a handful of people I always use my first and last name.  Even with a cousin I'll sign stuff "Cousin happi"

[marbel]

I have never received an invitation without last names.  I guess if I received one with only first names, and did not recognize who the participants were, I would just decline. My circle of friends/family/acquaintances is not so big that I might forget someone so I doubt I would be in danger of missing out on the wedding of someone important to me.  :-)

I agree Farrar that people should do what they like. But I don't understand why people wouldn't just include their last names. Maybe it seems kind of juvenile to me to just have first names; I don't know.  I wouldn't think less of anyone for doing it that way so please don't anyone jump on me for being judgmental.  

 

[Tap]

Just now, goldberry said:

 

We have about 100 people, but all either fairly close family or friends of both bride and groom, no distant relatives or parent's friends.  I worry mostly about fiance's common name on his side of the family though.  DD's name is more unusual, but his side won't really recognize it.

Who will be on the return address portion of the envelope?  For dd and dsil, we used the back of the envelope flap and put

John Smith and Mary Jones (maiden name) then used my address (which was dd's permanent address at the time even though they lived together). Then there was a seal on the envelope that matched the invitations inside with his last initial (she took his last name). I think it was pretty obvious, but again, it was a very small wedding. 

 

[Lori D.]

12 minutes ago, goldberry said:

Here's some more examples, there's a bunch out there.  I think Lori's idea will work perfectly though!  @Lori D. , you not only got my DD through high school into college with all your advice, you're still helping! 🙂  Queen of the Hive! 

LOL! 😂

But glad that's a help! I find if I throw enough ideas at people, eventually one will "stick" ... 😉

 

Goldberry: I do note that the layout and wording of those other examples you attached would make it much harder to "repeat" with full names on the invitation, and for those, it would be trickier to come up with a way of making things clear with full details.

Edited February 8, 2019 by Lori D.

[goldberry]

1 minute ago, happi duck said:

I'm in awe of people who feel that known!

I never expect people to know me and except for a handful of people I always use my first and last name.  Even with a cousin I'll sign stuff "Cousin happi"

 

My husband often calls people who I definitely don't think will remember him and identifies as "this is (first name)" ???  I always use first and last name and identify what group or entity I am from. 

But re: the wedding, our side is pretty small.  We have a small friend circle and not a large family we are close to.  Fiance's side of the family is larger.  He has way more aunts, uncles, cousins.

[goldberry]

1 minute ago, Tap said:

Who will be on the return address portion of the envelope?  For dd and dsil, we used the back of the envelope flap and put

John Smith and Mary Jones (maiden name) then used my address (which was dd's permanent address at the time even though they lived together). Then there was a seal on the envelope that matched the invitations inside with his last initial (she took his last name). I think it was pretty obvious, but again, it was a very small wedding. 

 

That's what we are planning.

[marbel]

7 minutes ago, goldberry said:

 

My husband often calls people who I definitely don't think will remember him and identifies as "this is (first name)" ???  I always use first and last name and identify what group or entity I am from. 

But re: the wedding, our side is pretty small.  We have a small friend circle and not a large family we are close to.  Fiance's side of the family is larger.  He has way more aunts, uncles, cousins.

I think this is why I react negatively to a first-names-only invitation. My dad taught me to always identify myself by first and last names, and by whatever "link" the person and I have (if not obvious like very close friend or family). 

At one time in my life I knew 4 women named Cheryl. When one would call and say "hi, it's Cheryl" I would spend the first few minutes of the conversation trying to figure out which one she was.  Coworker?  Friend from church?  Friend from coop playgroup?  Acquaintance from church?  

Of course if people wouldn't get offended if I asked "um, which Cheryl? I know a few and I don't know from your voice..."  life would be a little easier.

 

[goldberry]

12 minutes ago, Lori D. said:

Goldberry: I do note that the layout and wording of those other examples you attached would make it much harder to "repeat" with full names on the invitation, and for those, it would be trickier to come up with a way of making things clear with full details.

 

I already tried it on her template.  It did look better the first way (more balanced with the "together with families" on top and a smaller block of text below) but it still looks okay with the full names below.  I think it's worth not having any confusion.

[Annie G]

I hope the venue only has one event at a time, or you might be faced with signs directing you to the Smith-Gere wedding and the Smith-Jones wedding and you’ll have to figure out which way to go. 

We’ve been to reception venues where there were multiple weddings and we had to stop and think- what is the last name of the guy she married? Now that we’re attending weddings for kids of our friends we really don’t always know the last name of both bride and groom. 

I love the invites! Fun!

Edited February 8, 2019 by Annie G

[Momto6inIN]

Am I the only person who got really jealous for like a split second that goldberry's daughter was marrying Richard Gere before I realized it was just an example???

[Valley Girl]

2 hours ago, Farrar said:

Well, I'll dissent. I think people should do whatever they want for their weddings. Unless their names are so common that it's not going to be obvious or unless they're inviting everyone and their neighbor and some people might not know them that well... I think it's fine!

I don't see the OP's issue as a case of anyone telling the couple they can't do what they want. Do it. But have some consideration for the people you supposedly want to share the day with you. Moonhawk made some very good points.

Don't make things harder on your guests. Depending on how close people are, not everybody is going to know the prospective in-law's last name. And even then, it may not sound even remotely the way it's spelled. People may not know if the bride's last name is different from the mom's name (in the case of a blended family). And seriously, guests shouldn't have to start calling someone to find that out.

 

Edited February 8, 2019 by Valley Girl
typo

[Guest]

I agree with Lori D.’s advice. I think it needs to be on there *somewhere*. Tangentially related blunder:

When my nephew was getting married, his fiancé’s mother sent me an email invitation to a bridal brunch. But the email was titled “Rachel’s Brunch” and I did not recognize the bride’s mother’s name. I deleted it without opening because I thought it was a charity event. The name meant nothing to me and it wasn’t on my radar screen that I would be invited to a bridal brunch as I was not part of the wedding party or an essential guest. She even sent a second one, which I also deleted without a glance. I didn’t figure it out until my SIL asked why I had not responded and was I planning to come. 

Doh! 

[Moonhawk]

53 minutes ago, Momto5inIN said:

Am I the only person who got really jealous for like a split second that goldberry's daughter was marrying Richard Gere before I realized it was just an example???

 Lol, I tried to think of a different last name for a minute, but Gere just fit so well, and I figured if I was giving Anna a boring last name like Smith, she may as well marry a movie star 😉 

[Wheres Toto]

In my family no last names could be really confusing.  I have three sets of married cousins where bride and groom are Kimberly and James.  Literally three relatives, plus one person from church with the same two first names who have gotten married in the past 5 or so years.

[hjffkj]

Last Spring, we got an invite like that.  I looked at the names and thought 'who the hell are they.'  It had the woman's name first and then the man's.  I read that invite 4 or 5 times.  When my dh got home I told him we got a wedding invite but I didn't know who the people were.  When I read the names he laughed and told me who it was, someone I've known for 12 years and see at least once a week.  The problem was, I didn't know his fiances name and when I read it first my brain just would not register that I do recognize his name.

So, because of that experience I think they're a bad idea.

 

[HS Mom in NC]

This is new to me.
Did the bride send save the date cards or engagement announcements with last names of the couple or photos before the invitation?  If so, then this should work.
Are only people who actually personally know the bride and/or groom (which is different than knowing of them) being invited? If so, then it should work.
Is the last name on the return address a name all the invitees know?  If so, then it should work.
Is there an online RSVP website with a photo of the bride and groom with their full names?  Is so, then it should work.
If the answer to any of these is no, then they should be prepared for the consequences of potential confusion.

Remember that many couples today come from homes with divorce and remarriage where there are 4 last names among parents, sometimes more, making it clumsy and weird to list them all.  Also, not everyone sees their marriage as a joining of families.  They see it as the uniting of 2 individuals, so their choice of invitations can reflect that.

[Frances]

I’ve never seen the “together with their families” phrasing before. I guess it’s a good alternative phrasing when there are multiple parents or non-parents involved with paying for and/or hosting the wedding.

Another alternative if putting the parent or family part after the bride and groom names is to include the full parent or family names. I don’t think it would work as well if this part was before the names of the bride and groom.

[Ellie]

10 hours ago, goldberry said:

So, the newer, more informal wedding invites sometimes don't show the party's last names. Example below.  DD chose one that only lists first names.  It just seems really odd to me that there are no last names really anywhere in the invitation.  But I got one last summer that was the same way. I remember later asking my friend what the new last name would be.   I mean theoretically all the people we are inviting will know who this is.  Am I the only one who thinks it's weird?  Should I just not worry about it?

 

 

 

Yes, it's weird. It is why Miss Manners prefers the traditional wedding invitation instead of something trendy and clever.

[marbel]

4 hours ago, Homeschool Mom in AZ said:

<snip>>

Remember that many couples today come from homes with divorce and remarriage where there are 4 last names among parents, sometimes more, making it clumsy and weird to list them all.  Also, not everyone sees their marriage as a joining of families.  They see it as the uniting of 2 individuals, so their choice of invitations can reflect that.

This is true, but most likely they still have last names.

My husband and I had no step-parents, divorces, etc but we still didn't mention our parents on our wedding invitation. We were the hosts. But we used our last names!  🙂

[Frances]

On 2/8/2019 at 4:38 PM, Homeschool Mom in AZ said:

This is new to me.
Did the bride send save the date cards or engagement announcements with last names of the couple or photos before the invitation?  If so, then this should work.
Are only people who actually personally know the bride and/or groom (which is different than knowing of them) being invited? If so, then it should work.
Is the last name on the return address a name all the invitees know?  If so, then it should work.
Is there an online RSVP website with a photo of the bride and groom with their full names?  Is so, then it should work.
If the answer to any of these is no, then they should be prepared for the consequences of potential confusion.

Remember that many couples today come from homes with divorce and remarriage where there are 4 last names among parents, sometimes more, making it clumsy and weird to list them all.  Also, not everyone sees their marriage as a joining of families.  They see it as the uniting of 2 individuals, so their choice of invitations can reflect that.

I thought the parents’ names on the invitation reflected who was helping to host and maybe pay for the wedding, not the joining of families. 

Edited March 3, 2019 by Frances

[medawyn]

My cousin got married last summer, and We received an invitation to a rehearsal dinner-type party with NO NAMES.  I was so confused.  It was from the groom’s parents (whom I have never met), and it didn’t mention the couple or the wedding at all.  I had to read it a few times before the location (destination-ish) clicked.

Later I discovered a reference to the couple’s wedding website in small print on the back, but names on the front would really have helped!

First name only invitations don’t bother me, but it is helpful if they can be worked in somewhere - return address, reply card, etc.

[HS Mom in NC]

8 hours ago, Frances said:

I thought the parents’ names on the invitation reflected who was helping to host and maybe pay for the wedding, not the joining of families. We had a special part of our ceremony to welcome each of us into the other’s family and also had all of our siblings and their spouses come up when we exchanged vows. But we never thought to say “family” rather than our parents’ names on the invitation because they were not hosting or paying for the wedding.

Cultural norms are different all over the US.  Some people think it's tacky to formally announce who is paying for something.  Some people see it as joining families.  People are all different.  That's the underlying problem with the concept of what people call wedding norms-there aren't actually norms and have never really been if you're taking into account the whole country and all its subcultures.  Each situation is different, so couples need to think outside their own experiences and be aware that their guests could have a completely different set of background experiences and contexts about each aspect of a wedding.  Stating things explicitly is the most sensitive thing to do for your guests-it recognizes differences and eliminates uncomfortable confusion.

[Bootsie]

Unless at least one of the two has an uncommon name and it is a small, informal group, I can see how it might lead to confusion.  DH and I worked together before marrying.  Our boss made an announcement at a meeting that Bob and Sally have asked you to save August 1 as they are getting married.  We were working at a Catholic institution and a priest was in the room.  He came up to me very flustered saying that he was surprised by this announcement given that Bob's divorce was not even final yet. 

Oh--wrong Bob--yep there were 4 Bob's among my co-workers. 

[Ellie]

9 hours ago, Frances said:

I thought the parents’ names on the invitation reflected who was helping to host and maybe pay for the wedding, not the joining of families.

Traditionally, the bride's parents were the hosts, and they were inviting people to the wedding. It had nothing to do with the fact that they were paying for it. 🙂 Even when all the parents' names are on the invitation, it is because they are hosting, not because they are paying.

[goldberry]

We are paying, but I have no problem with "together with their families" wording.  I prefer that to giving actual parent names regardless of who is paying.  The first format they picked didn't have anything at all, just "John & Sue" invite you to their wedding.  I didn't have a problem with that either honestly.  A friend of mine got kind of offended over her DD's invite.  The mom was paying for *most* of the wedding (location, food)  DD was paying the rest.  The invite did not mention any parents.  My friend was huffy about it.  It wasn't something that occurred to me until my friend mentioned it.

I'm just not that into enforcing certain rules, and I don't really need to be publicly acknowledged for paying. I like the "together with families" wording though, because it makes it seem more of a group event. 

Edit:  Some "rules" serve practical purposes, and I'm fine with those.  That's why I was asking about confusion when omitting last names!

Edited February 9, 2019 by goldberry