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I like camping.  My husband doesn't, and when I've proposed it before, would typically say he wasn't comfortable with just me and the kids going.  We went once with a friend and that was ok with him.  When I talked a few years ago about me and the kids going on more hiking trips around our state, he said I ought to carry concealed.  He'd be more comfortable with it if I did.  I didn't push back, we just didn't go hiking.  Because I just don't want to carry a firearm.  Mace or a taser are his minimum comfort level.  I don't really want to carry those, either.  But should I be compromising anyway?  In my opinion, it's more likely we'd get in a car accident on the way to a camping trip or hiking spot than be abducted by psychos.  Just me, though... 
I don't know if he'd try to veto the whole trip if I simply refused to carry something.  It's not outside the realm of possibility, but I don't know about probability.

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How about taking bear spray?  It can work on psychos as well as bears but has a specific hiking/camping purpose. 

I’d carry pepper spray, and tell him (probably much more tactfully) that I wasn’t willing to let his irrational fear of rocks and trees bar me and the kids from the wilderness I love. Driving ris

That’s how they should advertise the stuff.  New Multi-Purpose Bear Spray! Deters bears... and works on psychos, too!  😀 Or maybe that’s how they already advertise it. I have no idea. I’m no

People who aren't comfortable conceal and carry should not conceal and carry.  Why is he alarmed?  Wildlife or other people?  We haven't camped in past few years but I've done all sorts of wilderness camping, hiking, canoeing with just females and I would take my kids out hiking to regional parks on my own (or when we were traveling and DH might need to be doing something else) with regularity.  

I think mace might be an ok compromise and I have carried that at times.  But I think it's weird he's so insistent unless there is unusual stuff going on in your area.  If I wanted to go hiking, I'd just plan it and go.  Maybe produce the ranger safety recommendations for the parks in your area.  

Edited by FuzzyCatz
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How "backcountry" are we talking? I would be much more scared that dc would find a firearm and screw around with it (even if they know much better) and then accidentally hurt someone than you needing it. I would probably compromise by carrying mace. But you get to choose, you know. 

And it's one of those things that parents have to figure out. They are his kids, too. Maybe hiking in less remote areas could be a way HE compromises> IDK> 

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I camped and hiked with my kids many times by ourselves, and they are precious memories. Don’t give up if you want to do it.

I, too, would not want to cc, but I would be willing to carry pepper spray or I guess a taser if it made my dh feel better. It’s a reasonable compromise for his peace of mind. Yes, you are probably safer camping than driving to the grocery, but none of us are completely rational when it comes to assessing risk, so yeah, think of it not as giving in to irrational fears, but as doing something easy (carrying some spray) to help someone you love feel better.

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I’d carry pepper spray, and tell him (probably much more tactfully) that I wasn’t willing to let his irrational fear of rocks and trees bar me and the kids from the wilderness I love.

Driving risks aside. The potential risk assessment around guns are is much more serious than the potential risk around camping and hiking. It’s the equivalent of a wife saying, “I’m uncomfortable with you cycling to work. I’d be okay, though, it if you did it without a helmet — because I feel better about your visibility that way.”

He needs to find a (reasonable, supported) way to become less uncomfortable with you living a normal life including all of the activities you enjoy — indoors and outdoors. It’s not okay for him to ask you to increase your risk (and the risk to the kids) by bringing an unwanted firearm in order to help him manage his emotions. He can handle them some other way.

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I think him compromising and going with you all is a much more reasonable compromise than you carrying things you are uncomfortable with.  I personally have no interest in carrying mace or pepper spray and wouldn't do it.  But I also wouldn't stop dh's fears from me and the kids going camping.

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I think it's abduction by psychos?  And no, this is not expansive wilderness or multi-day hikes.  It's like, I want to do car camping and hike a few 1-2 mile trails at the various state parks every other month or so.  Or as a cheap lodging option for destinations like the beach.  Like if all we were going to do is bum around the beach and eat out, why not find a nearby campground and save the hundreds/night?  I'd rather be at the beach in a tent than not go at all.  That's how I think.

He has said once that he's only looking at the next step/reacting to vague proposals, but still...guns just wouldn't be my first response.  And it's not until the last few years I've had the confidence to push back and be like, "I don't want to do that, and I want to go anyway."  I'm the sort that will let 20 people through a door before entering myself.  I just don't see the point of any of it because it's one-time use and I have little confidence in my aim.  😄  And yes, firearms are not something I want to do. I have to sleep and neither me nor my kids are trained for safe handling.  He doesn't like camping and wouldn't take off work, anyway.  So while I agree that the easiest way for him to allay his fears is to come with us, the reality is we'd go even less often if we waited for that event.

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56 minutes ago, Jean in Newcastle said:

How about taking bear spray?  It can work on psychos as well as bears but has a specific hiking/camping purpose. 

 

That’s how they should advertise the stuff. 

New Multi-Purpose Bear Spray! Deters bears... and works on psychos, too!  😀

Or maybe that’s how they already advertise it. I have no idea. I’m not outdoorsy, so I’m not up on these things. 🙂

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12 minutes ago, CES2005 said:

I think it's abduction by psychos?  And no, this is not expansive wilderness or multi-day hikes.  It's like, I want to do car camping and hike a few 1-2 mile trails at the various state parks every other month or so.  Or as a cheap lodging option for destinations like the beach.  Like if all we were going to do is bum around the beach and eat out, why not find a nearby campground and save the hundreds/night?  I'd rather be at the beach in a tent than not go at all.  That's how I think.

He has said once that he's only looking at the next step/reacting to vague proposals, but still...guns just wouldn't be my first response.  And it's not until the last few years I've had the confidence to push back and be like, "I don't want to do that, and I want to go anyway."  I'm the sort that will let 20 people through a door before entering myself.  I just don't see the point of any of it because it's one-time use and I have little confidence in my aim.  😄  And yes, firearms are not something I want to do. I have to sleep and neither me nor my kids are trained for safe handling.  He doesn't like camping and wouldn't take off work, anyway.  So while I agree that the easiest way for him to allay his fears is to come with us, the reality is we'd go even less often if we waited for that event.

 

Just go camping. There is no need to feed his irrational fear. If it we're really that important to him than he'd take off work, suck it up, and make sure you were 'safe'.

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I take my kids campings frequently without my husband. We car camp at campgrounds.  We do however go with friends. It's more fun for all of us that way and I do think it helps my husband not worry as much if for nothing more than just the logistical reason of having two adults to deal with any emergency.  He worries MUCH more about us being in the water all day at the beach. Stupid Jaws movie 🙄

I would not CC as I am not comfortable with that but I would take other measures to make him more comfortable as needed. I would not not go though. We love camping and my husband just doesn't have time off from work to go so there isn't another way. He is happy that we are happy and having fun. I do call daily and let him know how we are doing. This sometimes requires driving out to where service is but we really don't camp very far from service ever. 

 

 

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16 minutes ago, CES2005 said:

I think it's abduction by psychos?  And no, this is not expansive wilderness or multi-day hikes.  It's like, I want to do car camping and hike a few 1-2 mile trails at the various state parks every other month or so.  Or as a cheap lodging option for destinations like the beach.  Like if all we were going to do is bum around the beach and eat out, why not find a nearby campground and save the hundreds/night?  I'd rather be at the beach in a tent than not go at all.  That's how I think.

He has said once that he's only looking at the next step/reacting to vague proposals, but still...guns just wouldn't be my first response.  And it's not until the last few years I've had the confidence to push back and be like, "I don't want to do that, and I want to go anyway."  I'm the sort that will let 20 people through a door before entering myself.  I just don't see the point of any of it because it's one-time use and I have little confidence in my aim.  😄  And yes, firearms are not something I want to do. I have to sleep and neither me nor my kids are trained for safe handling.  He doesn't like camping and wouldn't take off work, anyway.  So while I agree that the easiest way for him to allay his fears is to come with us, the reality is we'd go even less often if we waited for that event.

If you are unsure what his reasoning is, then you need to have some more discussions with him.  You need to really understand what his fears are before you can overcome his objections or compromise with him.  If his reasoning really is "abduction by psychos" then it might help to just pull up some stats "Look Honey, exactly ZERO people have been abducted at this park since it opened.  It is the safest park in the state."  But if his reason is a combination of factors, then a compromise like the bear spray suggestion might be more helpful.  

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When we go camping, unless we specifically want primitive camping, we stick to state and national parks. They are usually quite safe and have security on site. Also, they're unlikely to allow firearms so even if you get a cc license you'd need to find out if you can actually take it to the campground with you.

I don't know what he's so afraid of but if he's not really a camper he doesn't understand that campers are generally a good lot. 

All that to say I wouldn't be okay taking a firearm camping with me.That's a personal decision but I'd be very uncomfortable with it, even if the campground allows it. I think the idea of bear spray or some kind of pepper spray is a good compromise. 

Though we all like to camp there were times dh was unable to come along and just ds and I went by ourselves. We never had a problem with other campers. We also used to go on hikes alone - and ds was younger then so it's not like I had a big guy with me for protection. Again, we never had a problem. We always stuck to official hiking trails or state/national parks.

Edited by Lady Florida.
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Depending on where you are, I think a heavy duty spray that works on animals would be a good idea. My brother and his wife are in a pretty isolated area. She carries spray to go to the mailbox. I don't know if she always did, but at least since a mountain lion got their pigs.

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His fear is irrational. And he's using it to control you. I find it a bit disturbing. I think you need to have a serious talk - about his fears, your boundaries (do not carry a gun if you don't want to carry a gun - that's a firm line in the sand), your needs, and where his high level of anxiety is coming from. Is he controlling in other ways?

I'd personally be willing to carry mace to help my dh manage fears. And I am not saying you shouldn't compromise in some ways. But as it stands now, you're being prevented from doing something entirely reasonable based on someone's else's irrational fears. That's simply not okay.

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I’d compromise.   Bear spray, a taser, maybe.   Heck, maybe an air horn.  That would scare the crap out of someone if they got blasted with that thing.  I wouldn’t advise anyone to ever carry unless they have a lot of gun experience, are extremely comfortable with firearms, and are a good marksman.   State parks here (Ga) are popular and the chances of you being alone in the wilderness with a psycho are next to nothing.  But I also just read all about Jayme Closs being targeted and that left me feeling anxious and ill, so I imagine trying to talk chances/odds to your dh may fall on deaf ears right now and I’d understand that.   Also, what ages are your kids?  Maybe he’s worried about one wondering off or something like that, too?  Maybe get each one a small bell to keep in their pocket?   

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I would not let him tell me not to go somewhere.

I would consider all the pros and cons and be open-minded.  Are there bears or rapists to worry about?  But I go where I want to go.

Depending on the age of the kids, I would say the same for them.

I don't hike with a weapon.  I'm not against it, and maybe someday I will, but it's my personal comfort level that I hike without it.  I am more worried about getting lost than getting attacked.  That said, I don't hike in places I have reason to believe unsafe.  (We do have some nearby.)  Having a gun or not would not make me more likely to hike in an unsafe location.  I hike for relaxation, not combat practice.

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I have taken my girls and gone car camping several times. In fact, until we bought the popup this summer, dh only accompanied us once. It's such an inexpensive way to travel once you have the gear. 

We stay almost exclusively in state/national park/forest campgrounds. The only time I felt uncomfortable safety wise was when we went to a small state park and ended up being the only campers in the whole place and the park rangers went home. So we were very isolated. But we were totally fine. I do carry bear spray, but that's because we live in bear country and a bear once walked through our yard between me and my then 5yo. That scared me so I'm a little committed to my bear spray. But yeah, I'd push back on this one. Or get a popup, that's how dh agreed to come with us. A bed, a/c, or heater. Win-win. 😉

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Um, with car camping you are in line of sight and earshot of other campers as a general rule. You could yell out and someone would hear you. Also, most don't allow firearms anyway, so that's not going to work even if you wanted to. 

I think a can of mace if it makes him feel better is fine, heck keep it in the trunk of the car except when actually hiking. But seriously, sounds like he's watched too many bad horror movies. 

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46 minutes ago, CES2005 said:

<snip>

 I have to sleep and neither me nor my kids are trained for safe handling.  

<snip>

He knows this and still thinks you should carry?  That's nuts.  Sorry, but that's just nuts. 

I would find a compromise.  People have suggested bear spray, that seems a good thing.  And, staying in a state park?  Since I had my kids I've become a pretty fearful person but I'd stay without my husband in a state park, no problem.  I'm sorry your husband is making this hard for you.

(BTW I'm not opposed at all to well-trained people carrying.)

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2 hours ago, CES2005 said:

I like camping.  My husband doesn't, and when I've proposed it before, would typically say he wasn't comfortable with just me and the kids going.  We went once with a friend and that was ok with him.  When I talked a few years ago about me and the kids going on more hiking trips around our state, he said I ought to carry concealed.  He'd be more comfortable with it if I did.  I didn't push back, we just didn't go hiking.  Because I just don't want to carry a firearm.  Mace or a taser are his minimum comfort level.  I don't really want to carry those, either.  But should I be compromising anyway?  In my opinion, it's more likely we'd get in a car accident on the way to a camping trip or hiking spot than be abducted by psychos.  Just me, though... 
I don't know if he'd try to veto the whole trip if I simply refused to carry something.  It's not outside the realm of possibility, but I don't know about probability.

So worried that you have to carry or get “vetoed” but not so worried that he’ll accompany you? That just doesn’t add up!

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People that don’t hike or camp can find the idea of being in the wilderness pretty frightening. Just like people who don’t live in big cities are often scared of the idea of riding the subway. 

I hike a lot with my kids and my husband wanted me to CC. I told him no. It isn’t in my comfort zone and even with proper training I wouldn’t want to carry it. I do carry a large pocket knife, but really that’s for cutting food.

I have hiked in several states, all types of nature preserves, state parks, national parks, national forests. There has only been one time I ever felt uncomfortable but I knew that section of trail was also used by ATV riders, so I hiked it with friends. It just so happened one of them was a police officer. We did have a strange interaction but because I had researched the trail ahead of time I knew it was a possibility and I wasn’t alone.

I always leave our plan with my husband and I text him when we start hiking, when we take a break if I have a signal, and again when I am back to my car.  If I know I won’t have signal, he knows and I’ll send the same type of messages ASAP so that he knows when to start getting concerned.

I take advantage of local classes to learn better navigation skills. I have done group hikes so I can meet other hikers. I will be taking a self defense class next month.  All those things have increased my husband’s comfort level. My kids have expressed a desire to do a longer trail with backpacking.  When we do that, I will buy an InReach or Spot device that allows me to send out an sos and brief messages to my husband.

As far as the type of camping and hiking you are talking about, you will most likely be in extremely safe areas. I hope you can work out a compromise.

 

 

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Bear spray sounds like a reasonable compromise.

I think it's worth discussing this with your dh.  This fear might be coming from somewhere.  Even just reading about something that happened once can take hold as a fear.  Also, maybe he feels guilty about not wanting to camp.  Maybe camping or hiking is a bad memory for him.

Or maybe he's just being controlling but it's worth knowing what's up.

 

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I think it's pretty disrespectful to just brush off spouses fears, no matter how irrational they might seem, and do things anyway.  As @livetoread said, we all have some.  I certainly wouldn't want my husband just to scuff at something I found concerning.  And we do have some big difference of opinions.

I try to look at those type of scenarios not as "me vs him" but as "one of us has a problem, how can we solve it together".  So, I think you should have a discussion and find a compromise. May be it will carrying the bear spray or going with some friends at first or whatever else.  Bc "reasonable" is a very subjective term.

Also, as a side note - I can't stand the sentiment of "he can't tell me what to do!"  What does it even mean??

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If I didn’t hike/camp with my kids without my husband, we wouldn’t hike/camp. I have a very hard time hearing about someone being coerced into carrying weapons they are not comfortable with or trained for (I carry pepper spray, no guns. Ever. For me. YMMV) or not being permitted to go enjoy nature, which we humans are meant to enjoy. I’m sorry. I suggest more conversations with your spouse in this topic to hopefully find a reasonable compromise. 

I have an great aunt like this. She is so fearful of abuctions, etc. and never let her children do anything she deemed dangerous. It’s been interesting to watch her grandchildren have all kinds of (reasonable) freedom in driving, hiking, camping, traveling and how hard that’s been for her. 

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Oh, I identify with this in some ways.  

My husband had a friend before we moved, who was very paranoid and always open carried or conceal carried.  

My husband, from his influence basically, started saying he thought he should open carry when he went fishing.  He never did, but he was leaning hard that way.  

Then we moved, and it's like from not being around the influence of that one person, my husband is no longer concerned.  

I would say a factor may be.... for example, if my husband was talking to his friend and said he didn't open carry, his friend might say things like "I don't know, man."  If I went out my husband's friend might criticize him.  I could see this being a factor.  

At the same time -- I talked to my husband's friend (he was my friend, too) and would explain to him ways that I felt like I took some reasonable safety precautions to feel safe, and crime statistics for our town, and things like that.  He was very open to talking about it.  

I think a big factor is -- that I am the kind of person to deflect from a confrontation.  

But for some people, they have learned, don't show weakness.  So you can't back down from a confrontation because that is showing weakness.  When people think this way, it's dangerous to back down.  And then it becomes easy to have more confrontations.  

I think it is reasonable to investigate areas you might go, and choose places that seem safer (State or National Parks, official trails, vs. just pulling off the side of the road somewhere).  I think it would be reasonable to be part of a group (I would count kids), and share your location periodically.  Those are things that might help.  I think finding crime statistics for a place you would go could help a lot.   

Anyway I do think it matters why your husband is scared.  Does he have some experience that makes him fearful?  Is it the news he watches, or people he is around?  

The person we knew had a lot of reasons for feeling fearful in public, and he was prone to look aggressive and respond confrontationally to people.  It would frequently not occur to him that, in a made-up situation, he had an option of getting in his car and driving away (or something like that) instead of getting sucked into responding.  

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Well, there are places it makes sense to have a gun in the wilderness.  My friend, who lives in the North, takes a gun because at certain times a year if you are out on the land meeting a polar bear is a real risk, and it will probably eat you.  Of course you wouldn't carry a concealed weapon for that even if it were legal, you'd carry a rifle.

Worrying about psychos car camping is irrational, and even bears etc in a national park may well be irrational.  In either case a gun is probably more of a danger than either of those fears.  I would tend not to be very compromising on this, myself.  It's not healthy for you or the kids to be held hostage to this kind of thing, it's really no different than being told you can't go to the supermarket without a gun in case it happens to get held up while you are there.

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While I'm all for gun rights, NO ONE should carry a weapon who isn't SO WELL TRAINED on it that shooting well is muscle memory rather than something you think about or have an emotional reaction to. Your husband's irrational fear is driving him to ask you to do something MORE dangerous than just going without a gun. 

I'd be fully behind him if you were interested in training properly and taking several months to get so good at shooting, handling, and maintaining a weapon that you were confident with it.  But you're not, and that means carrying would make the situation more dangerous, not less.

You might ask your DH to put down the NRA magazine or gun message boards and look at actual crime statistics.  Driving to the campground is probably thousands of times more dangerous than sleeping in a tent in a state park, where lightning storms or trees falling are much more likely to kill you than random psychos.

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1 hour ago, SereneHome said:

I think it's pretty disrespectful to just brush off spouses fears, no matter how irrational they might seem, and do things anyway.  As @livetoread said, we all have some.  I certainly wouldn't want my husband just to scuff at something I found concerning.  And we do have some big difference of opinions.

I try to look at those type of scenarios not as "me vs him" but as "one of us has a problem, how can we solve it together".  So, I think you should have a discussion and find a compromise. May be it will carrying the bear spray or going with some friends at first or whatever else.  Bc "reasonable" is a very subjective term.

Also, as a side note - I can't stand the sentiment of "he can't tell me what to do!"  What does it even mean??

I agree. I can't jump to "How dare he try to control you." Unless there are other instances of undue control at play, I don't understand dismissing his concerns. He loves you. He's worried about you and his kids being vulnerable. That fear is coming from somewhere. Now maybe it's completely unfounded and he's being completely unreasonable. Or maybe he has some specific, as-yet unspoken worry. Either way, it needs to be dealt with respectfully, in my opinion. Of course nobody should be required to carry if that's not their thing or it's against the law. But if you know what's generating his fear, you can look at specific ways to address it. Review the stats for the kind of thing that worries him. Discuss what you can do to protect yourself. (Self-defense course?) Assure him that you'll check in on predetermined intervals if that's possible. See if he'd be willing to start small and do a day hike so he can get a feel for what it's really like in case his mental picture is far different from the reality. I'd think about how I'd want him to respond to my concerns if the shoe were on the other foot--as it might be someday.

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37 minutes ago, Bluegoat said:

Well, there are places it makes sense to have a gun in the wilderness.  My friend, who lives in the North, takes a gun because at certain times a year if you are out on the land meeting a polar bear is a real risk, and it will probably eat you.  Of course you wouldn't carry a concealed weapon for that even if it were legal, you'd carry a rifle.

Worrying about psychos car camping is irrational, and even bears etc in a national park may well be irrational.  In either case a gun is probably more of a danger than either of those fears.  I would tend not to be very compromising on this, myself.  It's not healthy for you or the kids to be held hostage to this kind of thing, it's really no different than being told you can't go to the supermarket without a gun in case it happens to get held up while you are there.

Well.....it really depends on where you live.    We had one in our backyard a couple of months ago.....He hung around for some time....And no, I don't live in the middle of nowhere. 

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The first conversation about hiking and carrying was several years ago, and I just didn't push back.  It was an "I'm not comfortable with that unless..." sort of response.  So I dropped it for several years.  More recently I suggested camping to go to an event 3 1/2 hours away, he said he wasn't comfortable with it, I didn't think there were hotels around there, and subsequently drove there round trip in a day, creating a dangerous driving situation.  His other solution was to just not go to the event.  BUT: I should have looked up hotels, and I should have just pulled over and taken a nap and come home at 10:00 at night or something.  Really.  I made bad decisions.  But the shooting down my solution to my problem and then not really offering an alternative that helps effectively achieve my goal is a thing, yes.   So I explained all of that and said I want to freaking go camping and hiking and I'm not carrying a gun because kids and lack of training and discomfort (and he agreed).  So that's how we got around to pepper spray, bear spray, and tasers.  And I did agree I'd look into them and find something, but I really don't see the point of either the measure or the request.  I still have bad aim, and those things you get one shot and one shot only.  But yeah, I guess still a small price to pay.  I will say I'm bad about checking in and punctuality, so that doesn't help his peace of  mind, I'm sure.  There are no NRA magazines, news stories, or bad experiences.  There is a lack of experience even car camping or hiking State Park trails, though.  Beyond that...I really don't know.  He just says he wants me to have a safety plan.

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46 minutes ago, Bluegoat said:

Well, there are places it makes sense to have a gun in the wilderness.  My friend, who lives in the North, takes a gun because at certain times a year if you are out on the land meeting a polar bear is a real risk, and it will probably eat you.  Of course you wouldn't carry a concealed weapon for that even if it were legal, you'd carry a rifle.

Worrying about psychos car camping is irrational, and even bears etc in a national park may well be irrational.  In either case a gun is probably more of a danger than either of those fears.  I would tend not to be very compromising on this, myself.  It's not healthy for you or the kids to be held hostage to this kind of thing, it's really no different than being told you can't go to the supermarket without a gun in case it happens to get held up while you are there.

I suspect that likely depends on the location.  My sister lives in a neighborhood....that runs up the side of a mountain.  Bears are extremely common and mountain lions as well.  

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12 minutes ago, CES2005 said:

The first conversation about hiking and carrying was several years ago, and I just didn't push back.  It was an "I'm not comfortable with that unless..." sort of response.  So I dropped it for several years.  More recently I suggested camping to go to an event 3 1/2 hours away, he said he wasn't comfortable with it, I didn't think there were hotels around there, and subsequently drove there round trip in a day, creating a dangerous driving situation.  His other solution was to just not go to the event.  BUT: I should have looked up hotels, and I should have just pulled over and taken a nap and come home at 10:00 at night or something.  Really.  I made bad decisions.  But the shooting down my solution to my problem and then not really offering an alternative that helps effectively achieve my goal is a thing, yes.   So I explained all of that and said I want to freaking go camping and hiking and I'm not carrying a gun because kids and lack of training and discomfort (and he agreed).  So that's how we got around to pepper spray, bear spray, and tasers.  And I did agree I'd look into them and find something, but I really don't see the point of either the measure or the request.  I still have bad aim, and those things you get one shot and one shot only.  But yeah, I guess still a small price to pay.  I will say I'm bad about checking in and punctuality, so that doesn't help his peace of  mind, I'm sure.  There are no NRA magazines, news stories, or bad experiences.  There is a lack of experience even car camping or hiking State Park trails, though.  Beyond that...I really don't know.  He just says he wants me to have a safety plan.

Honestly, it sounds like you were both shooting down each other's suggestion, without trying to understand what the actual problem was.  He says he's uncomfortable, but didn't explain why, and you said you aren't comfortable/don't see the point of carrying any defensive weapon, but also didn't explain why (to him at least that I am understanding.)  And....neither of you asked the other why.   So, you are both pushing what you want/don't want to do, without really understanding what the other person is really thinking.  

 

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16 minutes ago, SereneHome said:

Well.....it really depends on where you live.    We had one in our backyard a couple of months ago.....He hung around for some time....And no, I don't live in the middle of nowhere. 

 

Hence the "may well be."  

But just having wild animals around doesn't mean they are actually very dangerous.  We have lots of black bears in the woods here, lots of coyotes, but the chance of them harming a person is very slim.  It's happened, at least as far as a coyote goes, in my memory, but it is vanishingly rare statistically speaking.  So, she would really have to look at the statistics in the park.  My guess is that in a car camping area and well-used trails, it's not common - the park authorities are likely to be pretty careful about animals hanging around those kinds of areas.

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13 minutes ago, Jean in Newcastle said:

The thing about carrying bear spray is that you don’t have to use it. Just carry it. You can carry it on a lanyard or attach it to a backpack. 

How old are the children?

12, 11, & 8

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9 minutes ago, Bluegoat said:

 

Hence the "may well be."  

But just having wild animals around doesn't mean they are actually very dangerous.  We have lots of black bears in the woods here, lots of coyotes, but the chance of them harming a person is very slim.  It's happened, at least as far as a coyote goes, in my memory, but it is vanishingly rare statistically speaking.  So, she would really have to look at the statistics in the park.  My guess is that in a car camping area and well-used trails, it's not common - the park authorities are likely to be pretty careful about animals hanging around those kinds of areas.

Right, these are 1-2 mile loops or "go a mile in, then turn around" kind of hikes.  I'm not a backpacker or a primitive camper.

Edited by CES2005
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18 minutes ago, happysmileylady said:

Honestly, it sounds like you were both shooting down each other's suggestion, without trying to understand what the actual problem was.  He says he's uncomfortable, but didn't explain why, and you said you aren't comfortable/don't see the point of carrying any defensive weapon, but also didn't explain why (to him at least that I am understanding.)  And....neither of you asked the other why.   So, you are both pushing what you want/don't want to do, without really understanding what the other person is really thinking.  

 

It's two different conversations...the first one about firearms a few years ago, the AT documentary was cited.  "My mom was watching this thing..."  The most recent one I asked what his concerns were about me camping with the kids and he said he just wanted us to have a safety plan.  Since we're discussing guns, mace, tasers, and abductions leads me to believe it's more person-threat oriented.  Whereas I'm more concerned about bobcats.  Not as much about bears, but a little.  I told him why about firearms and he conceded (in the recent conversation).  I did tell him I didn't see the point in the mace and tasers because they're one shot and if I miss I'm screwed anyway.  I'm trying to decide if it's worth bringing up again or just going along with it anyway.

edit: It's a fair point, though.  I won't forget it.

Edited by CES2005
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28 minutes ago, CES2005 said:

The first conversation about hiking and carrying was several years ago, and I just didn't push back.  It was an "I'm not comfortable with that unless..." sort of response.  So I dropped it for several years.  More recently I suggested camping to go to an event 3 1/2 hours away, he said he wasn't comfortable with it, I didn't think there were hotels around there, and subsequently drove there round trip in a day, creating a dangerous driving situation.  His other solution was to just not go to the event.  BUT: I should have looked up hotels, and I should have just pulled over and taken a nap and come home at 10:00 at night or something.  Really.  I made bad decisions.  But the shooting down my solution to my problem and then not really offering an alternative that helps effectively achieve my goal is a thing, yes.   So I explained all of that and said I want to freaking go camping and hiking and I'm not carrying a gun because kids and lack of training and discomfort (and he agreed).  So that's how we got around to pepper spray, bear spray, and tasers.  And I did agree I'd look into them and find something, but I really don't see the point of either the measure or the request.  I still have bad aim, and those things you get one shot and one shot only.  But yeah, I guess still a small price to pay.  I will say I'm bad about checking in and punctuality, so that doesn't help his peace of  mind, I'm sure.  There are no NRA magazines, news stories, or bad experiences.  There is a lack of experience even car camping or hiking State Park trails, though.  Beyond that...I really don't know.  He just says he wants me to have a safety plan.

Sounds like this issue is caused by a difference in personalities. Your dh most likely has a high level of conscientiousness, which causes him to be vigilant and feel a strong sense of responsibility to keep his family safe. On the other hand, you sound like you are lower on the conscientiousness scale and much more laid back. It's not like either one of you is wrong or right, it is just that your inborn personality traits are in conflict. I would figure out a compromise that would allow you to go camping and your dh to feel reassured - like carrying bear spray/pepper spray, staying in well-traveled areas, and being very punctual about checking in with him.

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6 minutes ago, CES2005 said:

It's two different conversations...the first one about firearms a few years ago, the AT documentary was cited.  "My mom was watching this thing..."  The most recent one I asked what his concerns were about me camping with the kids and he said he just wanted us to have a safety plan.  Since we're discussing guns, mace, tasers, and abductions leads me to believe it's more person-threat oriented.  Whereas I'm more concerned about bobcats.  Not as much about bears, but a little.  I told him why about firearms and he conceded (in the recent conversation).  I did tell him I didn't see the point in the mace and tasers because they're one shot and if I miss I'm screwed anyway.  I'm trying to decide if it's worth bringing up again or just going along with it anyway.

edit: It's a fair point, though.  I won't forget it.

 So did he actually say he was worried about abductions then?  Because your earlier post made it sound like you were just thinking that, but then this reads like your conversation included that fear.  

If he's actually concerned about abductions, a reasonable "safety plan" for something like that is making sure you are hiking in parks that are safe (ie maybe you go over which parks are safest) and also allaying his fears by making sure you shoot him a call or text when you get there, when you leave, etc.  Maybe making sure that the places you go always have cell service, that sort of stuff.  

 

Also, when you explained why you didn't want to carry mace etc?

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20 minutes ago, CES2005 said:

It's two different conversations...the first one about firearms a few years ago, the AT documentary was cited.  "My mom was watching this thing..."  The most recent one I asked what his concerns were about me camping with the kids and he said he just wanted us to have a safety plan.  Since we're discussing guns, mace, tasers, and abductions leads me to believe it's more person-threat oriented.  Whereas I'm more concerned about bobcats.  Not as much about bears, but a little.  I told him why about firearms and he conceded (in the recent conversation).  I did tell him I didn't see the point in the mace and tasers because they're one shot and if I miss I'm screwed anyway.  I'm trying to decide if it's worth bringing up again or just going along with it anyway.

edit: It's a fair point, though.  I won't forget it.

 

Do bobcats really bother people?  We have them here, but it's actually quite difficult to see them even if you are trying to find them, they are very very shy of people.  

Edited by Bluegoat
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