A slightly different "would you eat this?"

[marbel]

I was browsing through Dorie's Cookies, a beautiful cookbook today (while waiting for some cookies to finish baking) and came across these comments about a cookie she calls "Valentine's Day Share a Heart:"

"I love the idea of a big cookie, a really big cookie, one that can be put in the center of the table, within easy reach of everyone, and picked at and broken and cracked and nibbled while the conversation keeps going on..."

I thought, yeah, that sounds great and fun! But I can't imagine people outside my family enjoying that. In my experience, people don't like using their fingers to get at common food unless the pieces are already separate.  I don't see most people I know wanting to break off bits of a big cookie set in the middle of the table. 

Couple of experiences that lead me to this conclusion:

- once, at a small group get together, someone put out a plate of huge cookies. My husband broke one in half and left half on the plate. I don't think he actually touched the half left behind, but he did use his fingers.  No one took the half cookie he left. I was going to just because I ended up feeling embarrassed, but didn't because I wanted to see if anyone else would. I did see that people took whole cookies but didn't eat the whole thing; when we cleared up there were big chunks of cookie thrown away. There would have been whole cookies left over if more people had broken them, and then others taken the piece left behind. 

- I once served a not-perfectly-authentic Indian-inspired meal for a group. I included a little bowl of Mukhwas (probably misspelled), the fennel-seed based confection/digestive aid that is found in Indian restaurants in the US. Most people knew what it was (or did after I explained it), but almost no one took it till I put a spoon in it. One couple did use their fingers - they were visiting from Ireland and seemed perfectly comfortable. The Americans (US) didn't touch it till there was a spoon so they didn't have to put their fingers in it. 

So I wonder... would you pinch bits from a big cookie set in the middle of the table, in a group consisting of people beyond your immediate family?

Edited January 13, 2019 by marbel

[DesertBlossom]

At home or with family (including extended family) it wouldn't bother me. In other settings it probably would.

[math teacher]

No, I can't see myself doing that. I'm pretty OCD about not sharing germs in the kitchen. If I taste the food while I am cooking it, I get a fresh spoon for each taste.

[Loowit]

I would be okay if it was at home with just me and my immediate family, but two of my kids would not be happy with it.

I have found that family culture on this sort of thing varies greatly.  I have friends that would have no problem with sharing a large cookie and others that would pass on it.

[regentrude]

Sure.

Just for perspective: when camping/backpacking, we all eat out of the same pot with our spoons.

[klmama]

IME, many kids and teens would gladly share the big cookie,  but most unrelated adults would only break pieces off the untouched part.  

[HS Mom in NC]

Not outside my immediate family.  Here's why: https://www.livescience.com/37326-bathroom-hand-washing-habits.html

[alisoncooks]

I'm weird about communal food touching. Our current church has shared communion -- the basket has large pieces of cracker that get broken by takers. I try to get up there near first so I can get mine before it gets germy, lol.  

[Farrar]

Sure, unless there's a particular reason. I mean, if I knew a virus had just made the rounds in that group, probably not. Or if the setting seemed especially iffy. But generally, yeah. Americans are too fussy.

[hornblower]

Ick, no.  

I have this same issue with pullapart rolls. I mean unless the whole plate of rolls is for me - then I'm good with it  😄

[catz]

Well given it was a Valentine's cookie, I can really only imagine that in more intimate settings that type of sharing.  If I wanted to serve something like that, I'd probably display it and cut it at some point.  Or set it out with a small knife and a spatula.  Heck, when I take anything to a potluck with kids I throw away whatever isn't eaten because I assumed too many hands have be in/near it to keep it unless an adult is serving out of a crock pot or something like that. 

If I saw a half cookie left at an event with kids especially, I wouldn't jump on that.  So I don't think it's that weird that was left.  

I live in the upper midwest and especially during cold and flu season I'm a bit of a germaphobe when it comes to sharing.  It only took one bout of being down hard with the flu for 10 days to get there.  We have been so much healthier the past couple years.  Part of it is just having older kids, but I think all of us are more diligent with hand washing and sharing germs.  Also, elderberry is a magical elixar and I'm not a woo person at all.  We are fully vaxed and love western medicine.  

[Annie G]

I’m in unless there is a clear reason not to eat it. Reasons include: another guest has a cold or something is going around like a stomach bug or flu, little kids are participating, or something like I saw a guest do something gross like pet a dog then reach in to break off a cookie. 

My friends and I often share desserts (with a spoon, but still the same thing), nachos or other appetizers we eat with our hands, try each other’s ice cream, and stuff like that. Not a big deal to me. I know a lot of people are grossed out if they see restaurant staff not wearing hairnets but I cook in my kitchen every day and never wear one. I live on the edge, I guess.

[marbel]

8 minutes ago, FuzzyCatz said:

Well given it was a Valentine's cookie, I can really only imagine that in more intimate settings that type of sharing.  If I wanted to serve something like that, I'd probably display it and cut it at some point.  Or set it out with a small knife and a spatula.  Heck, when I take anything to a potluck with kids I throw away whatever isn't eaten because I assumed too many hands have be in/near it to keep it unless an adult is serving out of a crock pot or something like that. 

<snip>

Yes, I thought of that, but as I read and she she says "everyone" I pictured a group around a table, so that's what I was thinking of.  

I agree about throwing stuff away after a potluck where kids were and foods were left unattended...  :-)

[rebcoola]

I would it seems fun.

[SamanthaCarter]

I would totally eat that. 

[katilac]

If I were one of the first ones, lol. The better the cookie looked, the more likely I would be to do it. I would definitely be much more likely to do that than to stick my hands into a bowl of food, regardless of how it's traditionally served. If little kids are involved, it would be heck to the nope. They can easily get their fingers somewhere dirty or disgusting on the short walk from washing hands to the table, lol. Mostly I think it would be just as easy to have some butter knives or such on the table to help break off a piece. 

51 minutes ago, regentrude said:

Sure.

Just for perspective: when camping/backpacking, we all eat out of the same pot with our spoons.

 

With just family or other people as well? Because we're not picky at all within the immediate family, like not AT ALL, but other people are a different story. 

[regentrude]

3 minutes ago, katilac said:

With just family or other people as well? Because we're not picky at all within the immediate family, like not AT ALL, but other people are a different story. 

Anybody who's in the group on the outing. Do you really think anybody wants to lug extra pots and bowls in their backpack when they are paring down the weight by the gram?

ETA: None of us are immunocompromised. That would certainly require a different level of precaution. We have backpacked and hiked extensively, with just cold water for washing, and nobody ever got sick in decades.

Edited January 13, 2019 by regentrude

[katilac]

Just now, regentrude said:

Anybody who's there on the outing. Do you really think anybody wants to lug extra pots and bowls?

 

idk, because I don't want to go camping in the first place 😄

It just seems awkward, I'm having trouble picturing it. A few of you kind of sit around the pot and dig in? It can't be too many people, right? Are you passing the pot from group to group? Honestly, if I'm carrying a pot, four lightweight bowls will fit in it quite nicely. You do have to wash them, but I might be okay with that. 

[katilac]

58 minutes ago, Homeschool Mom in AZ said:

Not outside my immediate family.  Here's why: https://www.livescience.com/37326-bathroom-hand-washing-habits.html

 

I do think many people are much more careless about washing their hands in public bathrooms as opposed to at home. Plus they're out of soap or towels, the water goes on and off, or they don't have hot water. 20 seconds is a long time when your hands are in icy cold water!

[regentrude]

6 minutes ago, katilac said:

It just seems awkward, I'm having trouble picturing it. A few of you kind of sit around the pot and dig in? It can't be too many people, right? Are you passing the pot from group to group? Honestly, if I'm carrying a pot, four lightweight bowls will fit in it quite nicely. You do have to wash them, but I might be okay with that. 

We sit around the pot and reach with our spoons; if it's too uncomfortable, we pass the pot around in the group. Even "light weight" bowls have a weight, and when you carry everything on your back for a week, you'd much rather take an extra bar of chocolate than bowls (btw, when we were younger, lightweight bowls were not available). Washing dishes is rinsing in cold water and scrubbing with sand, so doing dishes is no fun. But mainly it's the weight and the space which is at a premium as well - you can tuck more useful stuff into your pot. It's not like we're wasting the volume by carrying an empty pot.

Edited January 13, 2019 by regentrude

[Selkie]

Nope, no way. Not a fan of other people's germs!

[Catwoman]

1 hour ago, Homeschool Mom in AZ said:

Not outside my immediate family.  Here's why: https://www.livescience.com/37326-bathroom-hand-washing-habits.html

 

Totally off-topic, but you look more beautiful than ever in your new avatar photo! I always loved your hair, but this new style is so flattering on you!

[lavender's green]

With immediate family, sure, no problem. It sounds like a dish for an intimate gathering, anyway.

In a larger group, even if I can turn off my germophobia (and it's possible, in situations like communion), I'd be uncomfortable in case I accidentally do something that someone else finds objectionable. Like, is it okay to use the plate as leverage if the cookie is tough? What if I brush the plate with my fingertips? What if it's crumbly and breaks off right at my finger so I've accidentally touched another piece? Do I keep awkwardly trying to get untouched cookie? I'd rather just skip the social anxiety and the calories.

Much easier for the hostess to just cut it up and provide a serving utensil or two. 

[maize]

Communal dishes are the norm in much of the world.

I wouldn't have a problem with it as long as I knew that the intention was for this to be a shared food item.

[MercyA]

The problem in my circles is that I can't get people--adults or kids!--to NOT put their hands in the food. I've stuck spoons in bowls of M&M's or snack mix, tongs in chips and on cheese trays, etc. to no avail. People just dig right in with their hands. It doesn't bother me as much as it used to, but, man, I've seen what little kids do with their hands. Shudder. (I'd much rather a person pet a dog, as mentioned upthread, and stick their hand in a bowl than let their toddler touch the food!)

Speaking of communion, at my mom's church they drink from a communal cup. I'd be like, nope, sorry. They'd have to pour me a separate little cup or something. It probably helps a little that they use actual wine and not grape juice. 😉 

[marbel]

Interesting!  I see the votes are split half and half.  I see a couple "other" votes and realize I should have added an invitation to explain.

I'm thinking I should have left the part about the valentine cookie out of it. Because without that, it sounds like a dinner party dessert.  But valentine does imply a certain intimacy.

I think I won't attempt it any time soon.  Though I do agree with this:

Communal dishes are the norm in much of the world.

As an aside, when my husband and I watched "Salt Fat Acid Heat" (Samin Nosrat), I remarked at how people seemed unafraid to use their hands. I think I saw people licking their fingers, though I am not sure.  So different from what I am used to. Actually, I should say what I have gotten used to. My  mother was very much hands-on when it came to cooking and eating. My husband's family, not so much... :-)

Also, @regentrude, your response was completely unsurprising to me!  :-) :-)  

[katilac]

33 minutes ago, maize said:

Communal dishes are the norm in much of the world.

 

There are lots of world norms that I'd prefer to avoid! I'm a big fan of some American traditions like individual dishes and personal space. Also American bathrooms  😄

[katilac]

5 minutes ago, marbel said:

But valentine does imply a certain intimacy.

4 hours ago, marbel said:

 No one took the half cookie he left.  

 

 

My first thought was a homeschool get-together rather than an intimate setting. First of all, because that's what my Valentine's Days have looked like for a long time, lol. Second of all, people gathered around eating a really big cookie does not scream 'intimate setting' to me! 

RE your husband's half a cookie: I would have taken it if I observed a neat, clean adult breaking it in half. I would not take it if I couldn't be sure a kid didn't munch one half and put the other half back! 

[HS Mom in NC]

5 hours ago, Seasider too said:

Same reason for me. 

Like your new profile pic, AZ Mom!

Thanks

[HS Mom in NC]

5 hours ago, Catwoman said:

 

Totally off-topic, but you look more beautiful than ever in your new avatar photo! I always loved your hair, but this new style is so flattering on you!

Thanks.  I had some hair loss due to a medical issue, so the hair got chopped.  It was a little emotionally uncomfortable at first because I'd had long hair for so long, but the stylist was really good at talking me through options and working with the thinning.  Now that it's no longer thinning and filling back out due to treatment, I'm happy with it.

[HS Mom in NC]

For the record, if I were in a part of the world where it was the cultural norm I'd suck it up and eat out of the communal bowl.  I'm glad I don't have to here.

[Katy]

I'm honestly not sure, but I voted Sure why not because it reminded me of going to an Ethopian restaurant years ago with some friends.  There was a giant roll of flat bread that we pulled off pieces of and then used our fingers to dip the bread into multiple different dishes. I would be picky about WHO I did that with though.  And I might be less likely at Valentine's day bc fl season. In general I think things that make you ill (like the flu) come more from things like getting sneezed on than from eating the same things with your fingers.  Especially if everyone washes their hands first.

[Ali in OR]

5 hours ago, regentrude said:

We sit around the pot and reach with our spoons; if it's too uncomfortable, we pass the pot around in the group. Even "light weight" bowls have a weight, and when you carry everything on your back for a week, you'd much rather take an extra bar of chocolate than bowls (btw, when we were younger, lightweight bowls were not available). Washing dishes is rinsing in cold water and scrubbing with sand, so doing dishes is no fun. But mainly it's the weight and the space which is at a premium as well - you can tuck more useful stuff into your pot. It's not like we're wasting the volume by carrying an empty pot.

Our vacations growing up were backpacking trips--a week in the Sierras with 1 or 2 other families, 7-12 kids, lugging all our food, clothing etc. We all had what we called "Sierra cups", a little aluminum 1-2" deep cup with a little handle that you could loop over a belt or backpack strap. I still have mine. That cup was used for drinking from streams (giardia wasn't ever mentioned in the 70's), all meals were served in it, we made slushies from melting snowpacks, etc. We never ate from a communal pot. But I would eat a communal cookie with family or responsible adults (not the continually snot-dripping kindergarteners that I worked with last year that got me sick over and over).

[Petrichor]

Not if it's a potluck or community event where kids are involved (especially because i've seen parents at these kinds of events take food out of their kids grimy slobber-covered hands to put back on the tray - sometimes with a bite taken out of it!) Particularly near the end of the event, and particularly if the tray was within kid reach and it was out of sight most of the time.

But in our culture - Muslim culture - and particularly Pakistani/Indian culture, we sometimes eat rice or salen/curry off the same plate with a group of 5 or so people (using bread or fingers as the utensil). That I wouldn't do except for immediate family, but dry food is no big deal. It's common practice, even at big 400+ people functions to rip a piece of flat bread into half and put one half of it back on the bread platter.

In my house, a bowl of m&ms, mukhwas, or a giant cookie probably wouldn't be served with utensils. Actually, mukhwas usually is set out with a spoon, but I try to avoid it, because my 3yo has a tendency to put the spoon in her mouth before putting it back into the communal bowl...

[Petrichor]

4 minutes ago, Ali in OR said:

Our vacations growing up were backpacking trips--a week in the Sierras with 1 or 2 other families, 7-12 kids, lugging all our food, clothing etc. We all had what we called "Sierra cups", a little aluminum 1-2" deep cup with a little handle that you could loop over a belt or backpack strap. I still have mine. That cup was used for drinking from streams (giardia wasn't ever mentioned in the 70's), all meals were served in it, we made slushies from melting snowpacks, etc. We never ate from a communal pot. But I would eat a communal cookie with family or responsible adults (not the continually snot-dripping kindergarteners that I worked with last year that got me sick over and over).

 

Mentioning metal cups reminded me of when we were in Pakistan. At this one monument we went to, the only water they had was in a water cooler, and the only way to drink it was a metal cup that sat on top of it. Dozens of people had probably used it that day, if not 100s, and if my memory is correct, I was thirsty enough to drink from it too. Didn't even get sick, lol

[Amira]

I’d be surprised to see a giant cookie in the US but I wouldn’t have a problem breaking off a piece to eat it.  I suspect many Americans would though. In some places I’ve lived, it’s typical to have a stack of flatbread on the table and people tear a piece off, or the host tears it up when the meal starts.  You can break off a chuck of cookie without touching anything except your part, but that bread is impossible to tear without touching all of it.   

I was at a thing yesterday with large pastries and a lot of them were cut in half and both halves ended up getting eaten.  I don’t live in the US though. Sharing food, having multiple people touch it, everyone eating out of the same pot (we often get four spoons and all dig into a carton of ice cream), all of that is fine with me, but it’s not something I’d expect in the US in a social setting.

I don’t, however, choose to drink out of a shared cup on the street.  That’s very common here (pubic water fountains have been available for 700 years) and in other places I’ve lived, but I choose carry my own water if I’m going to be thirsty.  

[SKL]

I probably would if it was clear that we were supposed to do that.  I wouldn't take the first chunk.  :)

[SKL]

At some restaurants, the bread put on the table needs to be pulled apart by each person to get some.  I don't notice an ick factor with that.

[ondreeuh]

I would eat it. I assume everything in the world is contaminated with all sorts of bacteria, and yet I almost never wash my hands directly before eating. I keep some wet naps in my purse in case I’m somewhere really grungy like a rest-stop picnic table, but I frequently pack a lunch (sandwich & finger foods) and eat it wherever without sanitizing first. And I can’t even remember a time I saw someone excuse themselves to wash their hands before a meal or pull out a bottle of Purell, so i don’t think I’m unusual. I also don’t wipe my grocery cart or wash my hands after shopping, so I assume I am transferring coliform bacteria all over my house. I do wash after using the restroom and avoid touching a public bathroom door, though it’s probably not any dirtier than a grocery cart. 

It’s actually beneficial to be exposed to germs so you can build up immunity (assuming you’re not immunocompromised, of course). Think of how PS teachers hardly ever get sick 🙂. We rarely get more than a sniffle a year, so apparently this works for my family.

[marbel]

5 hours ago, ondreeuh said:

I would eat it. I assume everything in the world is contaminated with all sorts of bacteria, and yet I almost never wash my hands directly before eating. I keep some wet naps in my purse in case I’m somewhere really grungy like a rest-stop picnic table, but I frequently pack a lunch (sandwich & finger foods) and eat it wherever without sanitizing first. And I can’t even remember a time I saw someone excuse themselves to wash their hands before a meal or pull out a bottle of Purell, so i don’t think I’m unusual. I also don’t wipe my grocery cart or wash my hands after shopping, so I assume I am transferring coliform bacteria all over my house. I do wash after using the restroom and avoid touching a public bathroom door, though it’s probably not any dirtier than a grocery cart. 

It’s actually beneficial to be exposed to germs so you can build up immunity (assuming you’re not immunocompromised, of course). Think of how PS teachers hardly ever get sick 🙂. We rarely get more than a sniffle a year, so apparently this works for my family.

This is pretty much how we live.  In my house, we all wash our hands before starting to work on dinner but if we're out no one thinks to.  When people come over for a meal I don't notice everyone trooping into the bathroom or to the kitchen sink to wash up after driving over and before grabbing a cracker off a plate or a couple of chips out of a bowl. 

So I would probably never serve a giant cookie like this to company, for fear I would distress someone who would like to eat it but couldn't bring themselves to do it. Unless I knew the people well and knew they'd be up for it.  Or, I might put that out alongside a plate of "regular" cookies just to see what would happen. I wouldn't leave something like that on a buffet table in a mixed group of kids and adults.  It just seems very fun and convivial to me, sitting around a table sharing a bottle of wine and breaking off bits of cookie with friends/family.  But, I wouldn't choose friends based on whether they would or wouldn't eat the cookie!  :-)

[fairfarmhand]

Nope, not unless it was immediate family. 

I have a relative who routinely breaks bits of this and that from serving plates and nobody touches the remaining bit of what she leaves. 

In tehcase of your dh, nobody knows if someone touched all over the cookie when they broke it. 

And being farmers, we’re not squirmy about germs. I’m not militant about hand washing of anything else. Don’t wipe down shopping carts and what not. I’ve just seen so many people with gross colds who don’t use consideration (blowing noses or coughing and shakong hands at church) and I have relatives who don’t wash after handling raw poultry etc. I have a good immune system probably because of my work outdoors each day but people gross me out!

Edited January 14, 2019 by fairfarmhand

[marbel]

17 minutes ago, fairfarmhand said:

<snip>

In tehcase of your dh, nobody knows if someone touched all over the cookie when they broke it. 

<snip>

Yeah, it was a small group of adults with food set on a coffee table.  But most likely I was the only one watching and thus the only one who knew he lifted an edge of the cookie and sort of folded it up till it broke, so he didn't touch the whole thing. But I get it.  And I did tell him not to do it again outside of family.  :-)   

That episode did reconfirm my belief in making small cookies when baking for a group of people!

[Lady Florida.]

Yes, I probably would eat it. Maybe not at an open public gathering like the opening of something and anyone is welcome, but definitely in someone's home even if I didn't know everyone there. Then again, I come from a culture where we literally broke bread at the table and passed it around.

OT but the first time I came across that Indian digestive aid was at an Indian restaurant in England in the 1980s. The three of us there were clueless Americans. We thought it was decorative. We actually thought it was potpourri, which was very "in" at that time. Fortunately the server took pity on us and explained what it was.

[Lady Florida.]

17 hours ago, Annie G said:

 

My friends and I often share desserts (with a spoon, but still the same thing), nachos or other appetizers we eat with our hands, try each other’s ice cream, and stuff like that. Not a big deal to me. I know a lot of people are grossed out if they see restaurant staff not wearing hairnets but I cook in my kitchen every day and never wear one. I live on the edge, I guess.

I have book club tonight. I've known these women for at least 10 years, some longer. We were all in a homeschool group together and have remained friends after our kids grew up. We meet at restaurants and often share appetizers or offer a taste of something from our plate if we think it's worth everyone trying it. We think nothing of it. Tonight we have a new person joining us. One of the moms has one homeschooler left, a teenager. She met and connected with this woman who recently moved to the area and invited her to join our book club. I don't imagine the new person will want to try anyone's food though, nor can I imagine any of us offering it to her. I think sharing of food off your plate like you and I mean is something that shows a certain closeness with another person. 

[ashfern]

I wouldn't but I don't share food. If my kids want something I have they get the rest of it. I don't share straws or drink out of the same cup/bottle either. I just can't do it. 😶