Menu
Jump to content

What's with the ads?

Sign in to follow this  
Janeway

My son is a screamer

Recommended Posts

My 9 yr old, who has ASD, is a screamer. He also just, well, it feels like he is not nice. He gets angry at me and blames me for everything he does not like and tries to twist everything in to me being at fault. For example, the other day, I was doing dishes and he was eating breakfast. When he was done, I told him to bring his bowl to the kitchen and I gave him a damp dishcloth to wash his space. So he said "figures, I am just a slave who has to clean up after Mom all the time." Literally, he was just washing the spot he just ate at.

 

Today, and this is typical, he found a new excuse to not do school work. He will always claim he is freezing to death and cannot work because he is so cold. I will bring him an entire outfit every morning and ask him to dress and he just tones me out. But as soon as it is time to do the work, he tells me he is freezing. This morning, I am sick. So, I set him up a page of handwriting and a little bit of math and told him he could read, watch Magic School Bus, do his school work, practice his recorder, even play Legos, but I needed to lie down. I came back an hour later and found him watching Minecraft on TV. I did not get angry but I did remind him he was not allowed to watch that during the school day and he had a list of what he could do. My 3 yr old slept in so my 3 yr old came down with me when I came down. I started serving 3 yr old breakfast and 9 yr old started wailing that he forgot to eat his breakfast and now he will starve. I told him it was okay, I would pour him another bowl of cheerios. Then I gave him a hug and told him I love him. He screamed and said I bumped him when I hugged him. He went back to eating. He ate at the kitchen table where he does his school work. Then he comes to the living room (open floor plan, connected to the kitchen, just steps from where he was sitting at the table) and proceeds to sit down with a Minecraft book. I tell him, in a calm voice, remember, this is still the school day and we need to get school work done. He stands up and informs me that he cannot work as he is too cold. I said "then put your socks on, they are right here." And he starts screaming. Not really words, just scream as if frustrated and angry. Because I was expecting company at the time, I told him he needed to go to his room. Well, it is not really company but rather someone who needed to borrow something was supposed to stop by and pick something up. I did not want her to hear him screaming when she walked up to the house. 

 

This screaming like this every time he does not get something he wants is his usual.

 

Any suggestions as to what to do about this? I sort of feel like giving up, but I can see the good person in him and don't think I should give up on him.

Edited by Janeway
  • Sad 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I would like to say to you that I have this totally fabulous chemical cure, that you just give them niacin or vitamin D and fix some imbalance and BOOM the kid doesn't do that. Reality is it's multiple things, at least in our house.

1-chemistry of body. He's edgy anyway because he tends toward over-methylation. It's a constant issue for us. And if he starts eating foods (milk) that make him irritable, etc. it can be even worse. For us, we ran genetics and we do things to control the methyls. Sometimes it's that he has grown and the doses need to go up.

2-I swear there's something developmental, like just more aware, trying to do more, trying to control more

3-Your ABA/FBA piece (ABC it for antecedent, behavior, consequence) and you'll find that it has inadvertently gotten reinforced that his strategy of screaming works. He probably got a reaction, got the people to back off the demands, whatever, so it got reinforced. I know that can happen in our house and then ds is like ooo if I growl and get a certain way people back off and fight and drop the demands! He's not dumb.

Sorry it's hard. 

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 1/11/2019 at 2:22 PM, PeterPan said:

-Your ABA/FBA piece (ABC it for antecedent, behavior, consequence) and you'll find that it has inadvertently gotten reinforced that his strategy of screaming works. He probably got a reaction, got the people to back off the demands, whatever, so it got reinforced. I know that can happen in our house and then ds is like ooo if I growl and get a certain way people back off and fight and drop the demands! He's not dumb.

This is huge in our house.

If you have any way to access it, I genuinely, strongly would recommend a good ABA program. It provides the support *you* need. It means you aren't eternally being the meanie who has to insist Kid behaves. You will have to insist, yes, but in a structured way and with really good help. 

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

What our behaviorist does for me is help me see the patterns I miss. She's outside looking in, where I'm swamped in day to day. So she'll see a trend and help me problem solve. It's not even about replacing me or being better or whatever, but that consultative help that is HUGE.

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

My son was like this at age 9.  He would throw books across the room out of sheer frustration, he would break pencils and throw them......all out of frustration.  He would scream if outside stimuli was too great, or he was frustrated.  It was SO HARD.

I tried so many things, but one thing I wish I had done earlier is to get him into a group therapy situation.  Once he did, things started getting better.  But we didn't do that until around age 15/16.  And he did ind. therapy.  And I firmly believe Boy Scouts helped him a lot with several things.

We tried meds, natural therapies, diet......none of that did much.  

And some of it was maturity.

We weren't even sure he would finish high school (although I was wiling to graduate him anyway as a homeschooler), but he has thrived and is now at a 4 year school, away from home, living in an apartment with other boys, and not screaming, throwing things, or giving up.   He still can make rude comments, he still gets frustrated by simple things, and he still can make us crazy, but it is so different than it used to be.

But I didn't see that we would be here when he was 9.  He wasn't even able to read back then.  

I am not saying your kid will be the same as mine, I know every kid is different, but those are things that eventually helped us.  

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
Sign in to follow this  

SUBSCRIBE TO OUR NEWSLETTER & RECEIVE A COUPON FOR
10% OFF
We respect your privacy.You’ll hear about new products, special discounts & sales, and homeschooling tips. *Coupon only valid for first-time registrants. Coupon cannot be combined with any other offer. Entering your email address makes you eligible to receive future promotional emails.
0 Shares
Share
Tweet
Pin
×