EMS83 Posted January 11, 2019 Share Posted January 11, 2019 I'm so, so bad at that. And there's a situation I don't want to talk about with people who may well ask (people who are pretty close to me--my evasion will be noted, but it just can't be helped). I tend to feel obligated to answer simply for being asked, and also tend to over share when anxious. 😞 Tips? Old threads? Links? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lang Syne Boardie Posted January 11, 2019 Share Posted January 11, 2019 I think if you are talking about people who are very close to you, who will notice evasion, that this is not a bean dip situation. What about something like, "I know this seems like a topic that I would want to discuss with everyone, but honestly, I don't." Then if they persist, just say, "No, I'm really not interested in discussing this. We can change the subject or maybe get together another time." Sensitive people will respond respectfully, and drop it or change the subject. Horrible people will keep at you, at which point you can just get up and leave. 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EMS83 Posted January 11, 2019 Author Share Posted January 11, 2019 That makes sense, and it sounds so simple, but in the moment? It doesn't come to me. Also, I've never just gotten up and left. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted January 11, 2019 Share Posted January 11, 2019 "I don't want to talk about it." It's not your responsibility to make people feel good about being stickybeaks after you have said that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Liz CA Posted January 11, 2019 Share Posted January 11, 2019 (edited) Give yourself some time after you have been blindsided. A long, drawn out hmmmmmmmmmmm, might work before you say something like other posters suggested or simply, "Yeah that's a topic for another time." While you hmmmmmm, you gather your inner courage and recite to yourself "I am pushing this boundary buster back a bit. Edited January 11, 2019 by Liz CA 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairfarmhand Posted January 11, 2019 Share Posted January 11, 2019 I’m not ready to discuss that at the present. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
moonflower Posted January 11, 2019 Share Posted January 11, 2019 For things that are harder in the moment than in our heads, I find practice helps. Out loud practice. 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farrar Posted January 11, 2019 Share Posted January 11, 2019 The bean dip is for smoothing things over after you've deflected. If people push despite the deflection and the attempts and redirection, then I agree that you have to stop and draw boundaries and be explicit. So... when the bean dip is working/a good option it goes like this... Nosy Nellie: "Oh my gosh, how are you doing in light of the HORRIBLE THING?" You: "You know, it's tough, but we're okay. Really, I'm sick of talking about it. Tell about your kid getting into that prestigious college!" Nosy Nellie: "We're so happy about that! Blah blah blah blah blah..." Success! When it's not working/not a good option it's more like this... Nosy Nellie: "Oh my gosh, how are you doing in light of the HORRIBLE THING?" You: "You know, it's tough, but we're okay. Really, I'm sick of talking about it..." Nosy Nellie: "Okay, but you have to let us help!" You: "No, really. I just want..." Nosy Nellie: "My best friend's cousin once removed had a thing like this happen and let me tell you..." You: "Let me stop you right there. I really am not emotionally in the right place to talk about this. I'd like to change the subject. Please respect my need to do that." 2 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie Posted January 11, 2019 Share Posted January 11, 2019 32 minutes ago, Patty Joanna said: I love Miss Manners (((soul sister)))) 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairfarmhand Posted January 11, 2019 Share Posted January 11, 2019 And it’s okay to stand there smiling with an awkward silence. Remember that if you’ve stated your position and someone keeps pushing YOU are not the rude one. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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