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mlktwins

Mom of 8th graders freaking out -- LOL. Homeschooling high school???

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1 hour ago, 8FillTheHeart said:

(I did a double take when I read your last line.  😎 I'm very close to your age with 5 grandkids and a 9 yr old!)

I don't have any perspective on what it is like to deal with kids in school, but my dad passed away when my oldest was 17 and our 13 yr old was 6 months old. When my dad got sick, they were still living in their house.  I moved them into an assisted living facility with the help of my sisters.  (all of my other siblings spent their time harassing me about why I shouldn't be moving them out vs. actually doing anything helpful.)  It was beyond hard. I had my parents' health care power of attorney, so I was making all of my dad's medical decisions b/c he didn't really understand.

My mom moved in with us when my dad died, and she passed away 14 months later.  It was rough.  No way around it.  I was managing drs/therapy appts, meds, dietary issues (which were huge), etc.  My oldest sister's dh was a CPA and he managed all of the finances and was executor of the estate.  (That is a huge job.)

I don't think I could have coped if I had been tied to anyone else's schedule b/c I felt like each day was survived on a wing and a prayer. But, I had 7 kids at home and our Aspie was hitting puberty hard and was nearing the peak of his worst behaviors we have experienced during his life (which at one pt lead to having to have him committed b/c we couldn't cope with his violent behavior.)  It is a time in my life that I try not to think about too much bc it was definitely mostly coming up for air.

FWIW, I don't think there is a right answer or even a good answer.  There is simply the answer that your family can function through in the best way that you can.

Trying to cope on someone else's schedule makes me nervous!  It was so crazy this past fall -- I thought I wasn't going to make it through 😞.  And..we had already committed to baseball (DH coach and me team mom) and my boys swim year round.  We managed, but so hard.  And that wasn't even for a death.  When I lost my mom, I was dating DH and no kids.  I moved in with my dad for 3 months to get everything in order and help him become self-sufficient.

I so very sorry for all you have gone through!  You are one tough cookie and I know you are a great example to your kids.  I don't feel I coped very well around my boys, but hey, life isn't always pretty and perfect. 

I am health care power of attorney, finance person, and executor of his estate.  DH is an attorney and I was an accountant/auditor back in the day.  At least I have DH to help me through all of that.  DH is all the same for both his parents.

Thank you so much for taking the time to write that out.  DH and I have been adding topics like this to the pros and cons list.  

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5 minutes ago, Lori D. said:

(((hugs))) mlktwins and 8FillTheHeart and 2_girls_mommy for the tough circumstances of caring for aging/end of life parents and loss of siblings.

Just a quick side note: one thing that might help is if your DH and his siblings got together *now* and discussed dividing up the workload (ex: one sibling oversees finances/paperwork, one sibling oversees healthcare making appointments/driving, and one sibling oversees house/living situation). And also, it would be a good idea if all 3 siblings sat down with parents and got basic paperwork in place with them -- power of attorney, power of medical attorney, do not resuscitate/other medical directives, a will or living trust, list of all the assets and bank accounts, etc.

 

Thank you Lori D.!  DH is an attorney and all the legal stuff is done.  Everyone will obviously be devastated, but his sister is going to be the biggest mess.  She helps out a lot now as she is single (no kids) and lives and works close by, but she doesn't like to talk about them being gone.  DH will be the one to keep everything moving to be honest (with me as support).  My in-laws were going to make me executor, etc. if DH was gone, but they decided the didn't want to do that to me -- LOL.  I would be the next logical one to get it all done, but ultimately DH's brother is doing it.  I am after him.

 

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47 minutes ago, Arcadia said:

 

I have a 9th and a 8th grader. My kids have a four year plan in case something happens to me. They have like plan A, B, C for their four year high school.

What I also did was to front load in summer because some electives can be done as summer intensive classes as my kids don’t mind. Our summers are hot so my kids rather be in an air conditioned classroom. My 9th grader did economics and statistics in summer so that supplied a math credit and an elective credit. It lessen the stress for us going into 9th grade knowing two credits are completed.

My husband and I aren’t from the US system. We are just winging it as we go for our kids. 

This is a good idea!!!  We also go through the summer so my boys are used to it.  They do summer swim team and all the fun that goes with that, but we always spend the summer working (with a few weeks off).  I will think about what I can get done this summer to count for 9th grade.

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16 minutes ago, 2_girls_mommy said:

I sat with my sister to show her my record keeping and transcripts and files to have someone to take control of finishing the girls up if something were to happen to me in the next four years. Dh would be having a hard enough time managing the house, the preschooler, the logistics, grief (I assume, lol,) that I know he would need a helper to finish them off. I have a general plan of what to do if something happens. I would like to review it with her once a year. She thinks it's morbid, but it makes me feel better. 

I have had a terrible year, one where I lost 3 siblings in 6 months all while pregnant. I had travels out of town for hospital stays and arrangements. Then over the next  years I have dealt with two deaths after illnesses, my step mom and my step dad. Both were hard, but not as much on me as the siblings. Those were all unexpected and so close. It was a crazy year. My kids weren't in high school yet. The oldest was only in 6th. It threw off my plans for the year, but we got through it. I can't imagine if they were in a public school and had to miss all the family stuff and would have been expected to hold up their grades and at that time. There were days we were barely surviving and couldn't think straight about little things like eating or driving or other daily activities.  Staying active in co-op and those few outsourced classes helped them stay somewhat scheduled and normal. But we had flexibility with the rest. We utilized the summer to keep my oldest going in math and writing when things had calmed down. We did some major hours in the content subjects when I felt human again to finish up the year in those. Now that I am going through high school I am sure we would do the same- stick with outside assignments and kids' part time jobs and volunteer work to keep as much of a schedule as possible and let the other things rest when we needed to and pick them back up when needed. And it would all work out too. I know since I have been through this before that I could go through similar in the future. We could go through job loss or unemployment. We just don't know. But we just keep going. 

Boy, I am so very sorry!  So much heartbreak!!!  I cannot even imagine.  Thank you for sharing your experience and perspective!!!  We are really a strong bunch of women, aren't we?!?!?!?

I hesitated to even put this out there, but I am so glad I did!

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Just now, mlktwins said:

Boy, I am so very sorry!  So much heartbreak!!!  I cannot even imagine.  Thank you for sharing your experience and perspective!!!  We are really a strong bunch of women, aren't we?!?!?!?

I hesitated to even put this out there, but I am so glad I did!

And I hesitate sharing, because myown story sounds almost fake to me. It was so much tragedy to handle all at once. And it was different in that my siblings were all unexpected except for one that was a long term situation. The other two were quick, happening to young people, one a car accident, and another that starting having strokes 8 weeks later and passed after 8 weeks of trying different treatments. By then I was six months pregnant. And then my step brother died after complications from an accident years before. But his was expected. I wasn't personally responsible for anyone. None of my siblings were married or had kids or houses. The finances and all were pretty straightforward and each had a surviving parent in charge of most of that. But it was so hard to deal with. And my mother needed a lot of help. Then I lost my stepmother a year later, and this year, almost five years later, my step dad finally passed after years of Alzheimer's. So we had to help my mom through all of that again. My mom is not quite so old. My grandparents are the age of your parents, so I will be helping her deal with whatever small part of their estates that she has to deal with. I know most of it is taken care of, and that they won;t leave too much responsibility to my mom. So I won't have a lot to do besides support. But I do know how hard life can be with all of that. 

At this point after several years of high school, I realize it isn't the big scary thing it seemed. School carried on like it always did. I teach outright a class or two once a week. Then I am checking in with them throughout , keeping them accountable. I handle transcripts, testing, learning how all of the college applications and such work. That is hard. But we aren't going super competitive for anything there. So it is pretty straightforward. I don't know a lot that have straigh homeschooled. Most use DE, AP, votechs, or go on to PS. But enough have done it that I have seen that I know it can be done, that they aren't doing anything that different than I am and that they had no trouble enrolling their kids into college. I have kept that in mind as I have been navigating. I outsource where I need to. I get to enjoy the things we always have. It just doesn't look that different day to day than middle school. 

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OP here with a little update.  Both boys were accepted into our county's IB program.  I must of have done too good a job on their transcripts -- LOL. The letters came today and my stomach is in a knot -- LOL.  So...I am going to re-read all the kind, positive words everyone provided me with in this thread before DH and I make our final decision.     

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8 minutes ago, mlktwins said:

OP here with a little update.  Both boys were accepted into our county's IB program.  I must of have done too good a job on their transcripts -- LOL. The letters came today and my stomach is in a knot -- LOL.  So...I am going to re-read all the kind, positive words everyone provided me with in this thread before DH and I make our final decision.     


My vote is to homeschool, as I think you'll do a SUPER job, your DSs want to, and it will give them more opportunity to develop their strengths and interests... But, I don't get a vote 😉 -- so, wishing you the BEST of luck as you all discuss and decide together with DSs! Warmest regards, Lori D.

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On 2/19/2019 at 7:26 PM, Lori D. said:


My vote is to homeschool, as I think you'll do a SUPER job, your DSs want to, and it will give them more opportunity to develop their strengths and interests... But, I don't get a vote 😉 -- so, wishing you the BEST of luck as you all discuss and decide together with DSs! Warmest regards, Lori D.

Thank you for your encouragement Lori D.!!!  

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On 2/19/2019 at 2:16 PM, mlktwins said:

OP here with a little update.  Both boys were accepted into our county's IB program.  I must of have done too good a job on their transcripts -- LOL. The letters came today and my stomach is in a knot -- LOL.  So...I am going to re-read all the kind, positive words everyone provided me with in this thread before DH and I make our final decision.     

There isn't a path for raising and launching children that is fool proof or easy.  Homeschool, private school, and public school all have areas that are hard or don't meet needs and they all have areas where they are a good fit.  Graduates of each can go on to have happy and healthy lifes. Graduates of each can go to college.   Graduates of each will get turn downs from things they really wanted, despite being well qualified.  

Looking for A right option instead of THE right option may turn down the decision making pressure some.

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