X-post: I'm looking for writing samples that are designed to be improved.

[mazakaal]

My 8th grade ds gets really offended when I try to help him improve his writing assignments with suggestions like "Could you add more adjectives to that sentence?" or "Why don't you re-write those three short sentences into one sentence with phrases and clauses." I have Editor-in-Chief to give him practice with finding spelling, grammar, and punctuation errors, and I was wondering if there was anything similar with samples of writing that need improvement.

[PeterPan]

Have you looked at 6 Traits?

IEW would give you rubrics and lots of structure.

[mazakaal]

I’ve never heard of 6 Traits - is that a curriculum? I couldn’t find it on a google search.

 

[Ellie]

Do you do grammar instruction first, where you introduce the use of adjectives, independent clauses, etc., before you do writing assignments?

Easy Grammar's author has another product called "Easy Writing," where you work with your dc on things like that. It is not a complete writing course; it's just a way of helping your children learn that there are other ways of expressing themselves in writing other than sentence-verb construction.

Also, when you do specific writing instruction, tell your dc right up front that you will be making corrections and suggestions on his writing, and have a couple of exercises first where you do that, before making a larger assignment.  Also, sometimes you have to look your dc in the eyeball and tell them to expect corrections and suggestions, because it is your job to teach and theirs to learn so they might want to drop the attitude.

[Lori D.]

On 1/6/2019 at 9:45 AM, MEPinUK said:

My 8th grade ds gets really offended when I try to help him improve his writing assignments with suggestions like "Could you add more adjectives to that sentence?" or "Why don't you re-write those three short sentences into one sentence with phrases and clauses."

Meaning this very gently, but I, too, would probably be offended if showing someone something I had carefully crafted, and their first response was to "fix" things with comments like "Why don't you change this, or do that differently? Could you do it more like my suggestion?"   😧

I totally understand that your goal is to offer constructive criticism, but wording really matters when commenting on writing, as writing is something that many students feel very sensitive about -- it is a personal expression and an extension of themselves, their thoughts, and feelings. I have found that to help my co-op class students revise and refine their writing means treading gently, and phrasing statements in a way that makes it clear that I am not dismissing their efforts, or trying to take over their writing.

You might find this Write for Texas teacher companion/workbook to be helpful -- pages 4-5 have great tips on how to teach the revising stage of writing; pages 6-7 have wonderful specific ideas for how to word suggestions. And I love how those pages start with a great overview guideline of revising student writing:

- always start with praise ("these things are what's working well"; "you nailed all of these aspects of the rubric/assignment checklist")
- don't "over comment" and overwhelm the student -- just pick a few major things to work on (aarrgghhh! this is my tendency! (:0 )
- if going over the paper together, try and let the student take the lead on how to fix things that you comment on (example: "When I read this paragraph, it sounds very choppy. How could this section be polished/revised to help smooth that out or make it flow?"
- then finally make concrete suggestions

And I'll just add, make concrete suggestions phrased with objective wording (which allows for student input and changes on their own work), rather than subjective wording of "you" (which can sound dictatorial) -- example: rather than "Why don't you re-write those three short sentences into one sentence with phrases and clauses." -- perhaps try something factual that allows the student to make the connection: "Combining several short sentences into one longer sentence with phrases and clauses, or adding more detail to make short sentences longer sentences, are two ways of reducing the choppiness of a lot of short sentences in a row. What do you think might work well here?"
 

On 1/6/2019 at 9:45 AM, MEPinUK said:

... I have Editor-in-Chief to give him practice with finding spelling, grammar, and punctuation errors, and I was wondering if there was anything similar with samples of writing that need improvement.

I LOVE your idea of practicing with *other* people's writing! Alas, I don't know of any resource exactly like that. These Teachers Pay Teachers resources might be in the ballpark of what you're looking for, but they are all very short:
Revise and Edit -- 15 pages, $2.95
Common Core Aligned Middle Grade Revision & Editing -- 28 pages, $3.00
Round Table Revision Activity -- 10 pages & brief powerpoint, $3.00

Also, there are some specific rubrics, example revising questions and essays for revision in the Write for Texas resource that I linked above that you might be able to use or adapt to do as practice with your DS.
 

17 hours ago, MEPinUK said:

I’ve never heard of 6 Traits - is that a curriculum? I couldn’t find it on a google search.

"6 Traits" is a set of goals or a standard for guiding a student into good writing and to provide a teacher with a method of assessing the quality of the writing. Here is a 6 Traits rubric that might be useful as a starting point for discussing writing, and the revising/fine tuning of writing.

Wishing you all the BEST as you help guide your student through the writing process! Warmest regards, Lori D.
 

ETA -- PS
I do find it helps my students a LOT to emphasize with each writing assignment that writing is a multi-stage *process*, and several of those stages involve making changes and revisions and corrections. I compare it to woodworking -- making a piece of furniture, we get the pieces roughly put together, but then we smooth out the rough edges with sandpaper -- and it takes several passes with different "grit" of sandpaper.

Similar, we make several passes over the rough draft ("sloppy copy") to first do a "big grit" revise (add what's missing, take out what is not needed, move things around for smoother flow), do a second "finer grit" revision (fix run-ons, fragments, and awkward wording, tense agreement, subject-verb agreement), and then do a "very fine grit" polish of proof-editing (typos, spelling, punctuation, capitalization, formatting fixes).

I also find that giving students a detailed checklist of what needs to happen at each stage of the writing process helps them in the writing, and helps me in the grading/commenting -- something we both can refer back to.

Edited January 7, 2019 by Lori D.

[Heathermomster]

Road and Track magazine is filled with articles that could be written better.

Edited January 9, 2019 by Heathermomster

[mazakaal]

On 1/7/2019 at 4:54 PM, Ellie said:

Do you do grammar instruction first, where you introduce the use of adjectives, independent clauses, etc., before you do writing assignments?

Easy Grammar's author has another product called "Easy Writing," where you work with your dc on things like that. It is not a complete writing course; it's just a way of helping your children learn that there are other ways of expressing themselves in writing other than sentence-verb construction.

Also, when you do specific writing instruction, tell your dc right up front that you will be making corrections and suggestions on his writing, and have a couple of exercises first where you do that, before making a larger assignment.  Also, sometimes you have to look your dc in the eyeball and tell them to expect corrections and suggestions, because it is your job to teach and theirs to learn so they might want to drop the attitude.

He's had loads of grammar instruction over the years, and we've covered all that. I'll look into Easy Writing. And thanks for the other suggestions - very helpful! :-) 

[mazakaal]

On 1/7/2019 at 5:00 PM, Lori D. said:

Meaning this very gently, but I, too, would probably be offended if showing someone something I had carefully crafted, and their first response was to "fix" things with comments like "Why don't you change this, or do that differently? Could you do it more like my suggestion?"   😧

I totally understand that your goal is to offer constructive criticism, but wording really matters when commenting on writing, as writing is something that many students feel very sensitive about -- it is a personal expression and an extension of themselves, their thoughts, and feelings. I have found that to help my co-op class students revise and refine their writing means treading gently, and phrasing statements in a way that makes it clear that I am not dismissing their efforts, or trying to take over their writing.

You might find this Write for Texas teacher companion/workbook to be helpful -- pages 4-5 have great tips on how to teach the revising stage of writing; pages 6-7 have wonderful specific ideas for how to word suggestions. And I love how those pages start with a great overview guideline of revising student writing:

- always start with praise ("these things are what's working well"; "you nailed all of these aspects of the rubric/assignment checklist")
- don't "over comment" and overwhelm the student -- just pick a few major things to work on (aarrgghhh! this is my tendency! (:0 )
- if going over the paper together, try and let the student take the lead on how to fix things that you comment on (example: "When I read this paragraph, it sounds very choppy. How could this section be polished/revised to help smooth that out or make it flow?"
- then finally make concrete suggestions

And I'll just add, make concrete suggestions phrased with objective wording (which allows for student input and changes on their own work), rather than subjective wording of "you" (which can sound dictatorial) -- example: rather than "Why don't you re-write those three short sentences into one sentence with phrases and clauses." -- perhaps try something factual that allows the student to make the connection: "Combining several short sentences into one longer sentence with phrases and clauses, or adding more detail to make short sentences longer sentences, are two ways of reducing the choppiness of a lot of short sentences in a row. What do you think might work well here?"
 

I LOVE your idea of practicing with *other* people's writing! Alas, I don't know of any resource exactly like that. These Teachers Pay Teachers resources might be in the ballpark of what you're looking for, but they are all very short:
Revise and Edit -- 15 pages, $2.95
Common Core Aligned Middle Grade Revision & Editing -- 28 pages, $3.00
Round Table Revision Activity -- 10 pages & brief powerpoint, $3.00

Also, there are some specific rubrics, example revising questions and essays for revision in the Write for Texas resource that I linked above that you might be able to use or adapt to do as practice with your DS.
 

"6 Traits" is a set of goals or a standard for guiding a student into good writing and to provide a teacher with a method of assessing the quality of the writing. Here is a 6 Traits rubric that might be useful as a starting point for discussing writing, and the revising/fine tuning of writing.

Wishing you all the BEST as you help guide your student through the writing process! Warmest regards, Lori D.
 

ETA -- PS
I do find it helps my students a LOT to emphasize with each writing assignment that writing is a multi-stage *process*, and several of those stages involve making changes and revisions and corrections. I compare it to woodworking -- making a piece of furniture, we get the pieces roughly put together, but then we smooth out the rough edges with sandpaper -- and it takes several passes with different "grit" of sandpaper.

Similar, we make several passes over the rough draft ("sloppy copy") to first do a "big grit" revise (add what's missing, take out what is not needed, move things around for smoother flow), do a second "finer grit" revision (fix run-ons, fragments, and awkward wording, tense agreement, subject-verb agreement), and then do a "very fine grit" polish of proof-editing (typos, spelling, punctuation, capitalization, formatting fixes).

I also find that giving students a detailed checklist of what needs to happen at each stage of the writing process helps them in the writing, and helps me in the grading/commenting -- something we both can refer back to.

I didn't give a lot of info on how our conversations go, but I definitely do start with praising the things that he's done well and carefully choosing the things that can be improved. I'm not going to expect an 8th grader to be writing like an adult. I appreciate your comments though, and the Write for Texas guide looks great. Thanks!

I've tried to explain that writing is a process and that all good writers work and re-work their writing multiple times, but he doesn't 'get it' or doesn't want to get it because he just wants to do the assignment and be done with it. I really like your woodworking analogy, though. Hopefully, that will help him to understand the need to revise. I'll have a look at those other resources as well. Thanks for all your help. :-)