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Calming Tea

For Girls who don't want to carry a purse, or a backpack...

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My 15yo would love to keep everything in her pockets.  But obviously, that's not going to work for a girl.  ....She also keeps losing her keys, her pocketknife, etc.  She will start driving soon and need a gas credit card and I am always afraid she's going to drop and lose my credit card when I let her take it to the store!  She will also have her own debit with a limited amount of cash...she needs a purse!!!

I can't understand what the big deal is...

But, am I missing a cool idea? We have tried backpacks and mini backpacks but at this point I'm wondering if it's another executive functioning thing with her dyslexia and if I need to put my foot down and make her use a bag, and teach her how to keep track of it.  

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DD17 doesn't carry a purse. She keeps her driver's license, credit (authorized user on one of ours) and debit cards, and cash in a Vera Bradley lanyard and ID case. Her keys attach. It wouldn't fit a knife, but I don't see why she couldn't still carry that in her pocket. You can find many lanyard styles on Amazon.

You can also find other wallet on a string kind of tiny purses.

My sister has never carried a purse, so some women don't. I need mine, so I don't get it, but it's true!

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My daughter switched to a fanny pack a while back, it's pretty stylish. She wears it hip side and loves it way more then a bag or purse. They have really stylish ones even at dept stores now and you can find trendy/fashionable at places like Target & Walmart too. 

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I have a bag and a wallet. I don't always carry the bag. The wallet is tiny. It contains license, subway card, bank and credit card, a bit of cash, an aspirin, a migraine pill, and an ob tampon. It fits in my pocket. So... I don't see why that can't work for a girl.

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One of my dd's has a tiny flat wallet that holds her license, a couple credit cards, a little cash, and her key.  She keeps it in her pocket.  She's pretty good about not losing anything!

I have something similar to these, a type of sling backpack.  It's easier to use than a backpack, because you just sling it around one shoulder.  This is just one size, but I've seen mini ones too:

https://www.campmor.com/c/osprey-daylite-sling-pack-p5048sbr?utm_source=Connexity&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=Campmor Connexity&szredirectid=15467486799757774744410090301008005

 

 

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I don’t carry a typical purse. I buy clothes with pockets. I had a bracelet attached to my keys for awhile. Now I use a carbinger. I keep feminine supplies in each of our cars and my desk at work. I keep money/ cards inside my phone case and I can attach a waistband clip if the phone won’t fit in a pocket. 

The only drawback is I can’t play the “scavenger hunt” party games at showers.

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I keep everything in my pockets. I haven't ever lost anything that way. My 15 yo dd and her friends keep small wallets on lanyards around their necks rather than carry purses. They keep keys and phones in their pockets.

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I have never carried a purse.  I carry a wallet in my back pocket that has cash and all of my cards (credit, debit, insurance, several libraries, zoo and other memberships, store cards, etc).  I carry my phone in my other back pocket, my chapstick in a front pocket, and my keys clipped to my belt loop.  As needed I tuck a tampon in my pocket or clip a little pill holder on my key chain.

At my mom’s urging, I tried a couple times in middle and high school to learn to carry a purse, but it was never for me. My system has worked well for me for the last 20 years through college, jobs, motherhood, etc.

Wendy

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I stopped carrying a purse.  It's winter, so it's less of an issue of how many pockets I have, but even when I'm in a sweater and jeans my cards go in a very slim, bifold-style wallet that slips into my back pocket.  My keys go in my front pocket, or hang off my belt loop from the tiny carabiner on them.  Chapstick goes in my other pocket, phone in my hand or back pocket.

When I run, I wear a belt that carries all that instead.

I think back to everything my purse used to carry.  It was handy for when I had small kids, or 15 years ago when I also carried a checkbook, coin purse, nail file, extra bandaids, the kitchen sink... 😄 But it was seriously hard for me to remember to carry a bag.  That's why my last purse was a beautiful shade of bright blue - it was sweet and pretty and stood out among the standard black and beige purses of my friends so it always caught my eye.  Then I started realizing I really didn't need all that.  Any kid stuff I keep in bags that go with kid activities.  I don't need to carry that personally.  I carry snacks in my car's center console (dh laughs, but more than once he has appreciated that foresight on trips that accidentally ran long).  I don't even need to carry all my cards.  I take out what I need and leave the rest in my purse at home.

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I only carry a bag when I want to keep books with me. Or diapers and kid snacks 🙂 Like everyone above has said, it's easy enough to have everything one person needs.

I will say, I have gotten into the habit of lightly touching each pocket and the top of my head (glasses) to make sure everything is on me. And I look behind me before I leave. So I'll glace back at a diner booth or at the cash register or whatever before I fully walk away. It's very helpful!

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5 minutes ago, whitehawk said:

The trick is to put the same things in the same pockets every time. If your keys go in your right jacket pocket, that's always where your keys go and never where your phone goes.

I agree, but I never put anything in shirt/jacket pockets because my summer shirts don't have pockets and I won't be wearing a jacket when it is hot.

Instead, I only buy pants and shorts that have front and back pockets and belt loops...and especially with shorts I make sure that the back pockets are big enough for my wallet instead of dinky little decorative or fake pockets.  Oh, and I refuse to buy any pants or shorts with flaps over the back pockets; that would be annoying to deal with every time I needed my wallet or phone.

Wendy

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I crocheted a small bag on a long strap. It's just big enough for my cards, keys, phone, and water bottle. The strap goes diagonal over my shoulders so I don't have to worry about it sliding down and it hangs to just at my hips. It's like an extra pocket, I don't even take it off or put it down.

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Never liked a purse and I don't carry one. I used a wallet for years. Not I use a satchel because I'm carrying around a lot of work with me. 

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split the keys so the vehicle key is alone and the rest are in the vehicle....store the vehicle key with a hair band or two around the wrist, tucked under

card ninja on the back of the cell phone or a slim case that can be put in the front pocket

crossbody bag or a running belt (like flipbelt) when more needs to be carried

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5 hours ago, whitehawk said:

 

The trick is to put the same things in the same pockets every time. If your keys go in your right jacket pocket, that's always where your keys go and never where your phone goes.

This.  I am pockets only.  Wallet (small card holder) front right.  Keys front left.  Phone back right in summer, jacket pocket in winter.  Back when tampons were needed, OB brand (because they fit in a pocket!!!!)

ETA:  All trousers and skirts must have pockets.  It they don't have decent pockets then I won't buy them.  I will alter skirts to create hidden pockets.

Edited by wathe
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Is this the dd that might have ADHD? Bc if so, it's REALLY important to get SOMETHING and then always use the same system. My dd19 (recently diagnosed ADHD) has a chronically chaotic existence of losing things.  She does better when she uses one type of carryall (she does best with a backpack, worst with a small purse).  I would suggest a medium crossbody purse myself if she doesn't want to use a backpack.  Or a nice messenger bag. 

We are trying to learn how to go through checklists constantly -- before leaving anywhere go through the list of items you brought and make sure they are all there.  NEVER use pockets -- my dd lost her keys on the way out of the house to the car and I had to find them.  She has lost her phone out of her pocket, has lost her earbuds pretty much everywhere, she has lost her keys multiple times, left her wallet at countless stores, left her college ID (which is also her room key) IN the door lock and searched all over for it.... It is a daily struggle.   

Good luck:) 

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I don't carry a purse either. They make you a target honestly, so I wouldn't encourage it if she doesn't want to.

I use a flip belt if wearing pants without good pockets: https://www.amazon.com/FlipBelt-Running-Fitness-Workout-Black-x/dp/B01CGXUQHA/ref=sr_1_6?ie=UTF8&qid=1546808694&sr=8-6&keywords=flip+belt

It's invisible under an untucked t-shirt. I carry my wallet and keys in it, and sometimes my phone, and I have the big iPhone and it still fits.  My knife has a clip I wear on my pants waistband. No reason she can't do similar! Keep extra things like Advil, pads, tampons, what not in the glove compartment of the car, and voila. You can have every bit as much freedom as guys do. 🙂

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18 hours ago, Calming Tea said:

...She also keeps losing her keys, her pocketknife, etc.  She will start driving soon and need a gas credit card and I am always afraid she's going to drop and lose my credit card when I let her take it to the store! 

at this point I'm wondering if it's another executive functioning thing with her dyslexia and if I need to put my foot down and make her use a bag, and teach her how to keep track of it.  

Yes, it's an EF thing. People with EF issues can just as easily lose a purse as anything else, honestly. The key is coming up with a system that works. If she's not receptive to a purse, then I wouldn't force it, I would use some of the strategies in this thread and then scaffold her keeping track of things until she can do it.

1 hour ago, SanDiegoMom in VA said:

Is this the dd that might have ADHD? Bc if so, it's REALLY important to get SOMETHING and then always use the same system.

We are trying to learn how to go through checklists constantly -- before leaving anywhere go through the list of items you brought and make sure they are all there.  NEVER use pockets -- my dd lost her keys on the way out of the house to the car and I had to find them.  She has lost her phone out of her pocket, has lost her earbuds pretty much everywhere, she has lost her keys multiple times, left her wallet at countless stores, left her college ID (which is also her room key) IN the door lock and searched all over for it.... It is a daily struggle.   

Good luck:) 

While I agree that you don't have to use a purse, I do have a caveat about pockets...some people really do worse with pockets. My DH is a mess with pockets. Part of it is that he is wiry, and pockets for men's clothes seem to be bigger than what he needs because he is so slim. He has lost a lot of stuff out of his pockets just while walking around (and I do mean lost, not stolen--he was in the woods most of the times he lost stuff). 

So, I am not anti-pocket, but I am anti-stuff falling out. Things need to be SECURE.

Personally, I carry a purse, but I try to keep my keys ON MY PERSON, in my jeans' pocket. If they are in a jacket, they are likely to fall out (except for an old jacket I had with crazy-deep pockets), or I take the jacket off, put it in the car, and suddenly, I am locked out. But anyway, I had a big dip in my usually great EF functioning when I had littles and was very seriously sleep-deprived. I had a 2e toddler and a baby that didn't sleep, lol! Anyway, I almost locked myself out of my car several times by accidentally throwing my purse right into the trunk with the diaper bag. Sigh.

So, having ANY METHOD and self-monitoring are so much more important than a purse or not a purse.

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8 hours ago, OKBud said:

I only carry a bag when I want to keep books with me. Or diapers and kid snacks 🙂 Like everyone above has said, it's easy enough to have everything one person needs.

I will say, I have gotten into the habit of lightly touching each pocket and the top of my head (glasses) to make sure everything is on me. And I look behind me before I leave. So I'll glace back at a diner booth or at the cash register or whatever before I fully walk away. It's very helpful!

All this.  Even when I carry a bag (as I often do, to keep books/water/snacks/sweater/meds/journal/etc. with me), I still carry my phone/wallet/keys in my pants pockets: wallet in back right pocket, phone in front left, and keys in front right.  (And I touch all my pockets before leaving any building/area, to make sure nothing got left anywhere.)  And when I come home, ,y keys go in the key basket and my wallet/phone go next to my monitor on my desk.  (I have my phone charger set up right there, too).  For solo trips, I don't bother with a bag - just my pockets (if I bring water I just leave it in the car).  I just don't wear clothes without good pockets out - I change out of my house clothes into jeans/capris before leaving.  (The only exception is church - I put my phone/wallet/keys in their official purse spots then.)

My sister never carries a bag - if it doesn't fit in her pockets, she doesn't carry it, ever.  And she only carries what she plans to use - even her phone and wallet are deliberately left behind when she doesn't expect to need them.  (I, otoh, pretty much don't leave the house for anything ever without my wallet and phone in their respective pockets.)


She'll probably need help in figuring out a system, though, whatever it may be.  Whether she carries a bag or goes with her pockets, everything will need its official spot, and in addition to always putting things right back in their official home, she might want to work on the habit of never setting down anything, even for just a minute - it's either in its home, or its in her hand.

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18 hours ago, Calming Tea said:

My 15yo would love to keep everything in her pockets.  But obviously, that's not going to work for a girl.  ....She also keeps losing her keys, her pocketknife, etc.  She will start driving soon and need a gas credit card and I am always afraid she's going to drop and lose my credit card when I let her take it to the store!  She will also have her own debit with a limited amount of cash..

 

How about cargo hiking pants. Those typically has at least three big zipper pockets. 

Keys and student ID might go on a lanyard. That’s what many librarians do, carry their staff key with their employee ID on a lanyard.

We pump gas mostly at Safeway gas station because it’s cheaper even without the points discount. I use my phone number for the Safeway card so I don’t need to bring that card. 

We have often paid for gas using $25 Shell or Chevron gift cards when on road trips if we didn’t want to carry too much cash with us and didn’t want to pay by credit cards. We usually go on I5 so plenty of Shell and Chevron gas stations available at the exits.

Does her phone has a stick on casing for a debit/credit card? That might be useful for her. E.g. https://www.amazon.com/Holder-Ultra-slim-Adhesive-Stick-Business/dp/B07FGXM4P3

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Yeah, so just the pockets thing has not worked for her...she's a little scatterbrained and doesn't like to have checklists and would never remember to check pockets before leaving the house, and when taking clothes off etc.  In the past 6 months she has lost her iphone, two sets of keys, two expensive pocket knives, money, etc.  It's not working at all. 🙂

I like some of the lanyard ideas here, except she needs a lot of pads, so not sure what the point of that is, if she would need to create a whole new system for one week out of every month...but I will look into it.

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59 minutes ago, Rachel said:

Would she use something like a Kavu rope bag? They come in solid black and really cute patterns.

https://kavu.com/collections/view-all-bags

This is what I have for my books and diapers edc. It's nice because it stays on all the time unless I'm driving. On the subway I can just swing it around to the front. That's how you open it, too.

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2 hours ago, Calming Tea said:

Yeah, so just the pockets thing has not worked for her...she's a little scatterbrained and doesn't like to have checklists and would never remember to check pockets before leaving the house, and when taking clothes off etc.  In the past 6 months she has lost her iphone, two sets of keys, two expensive pocket knives, money, etc.  It's not working at all. 🙂

I like some of the lanyard ideas here, except she needs a lot of pads, so not sure what the point of that is, if she would need to create a whole new system for one week out of every month...but I will look into it.

Yeah, it sounds like she'd be better served with a bag/purse that has the essentials. She might even be able to get the bag set up, and then take pictures of it--the pictures could maybe be posted in a couple of important places as a checklist. Maybe she could use a purse organizer on her dresser when she's home--they make some that are more transparent than others. So, it would have a bag/purse home and then also a dresser home. Both photographed.

If she's not medicating for ADHD, that might help (or not). We find that meds help all the people with ADHD in our house, but one is much better about this stuff than the other two even accounting for meds. His level of awareness about his own issues is very high (ironically, he also has an ASD diagnosis with his ADHD, but he does better with this stuff than those in our house with ADHD but none of the global or "developmental" diagnoses). But one of them is still on the young side for needing to tote important things. One is pre-driving but is now totally trustworthy with a key and a couple of important items. The third has a routine for the important things and mostly does fine. Leisure stuff is a bit different. All are male, so they don't need pads. 

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You can get small hip packs if she doesn't care for a sling purse or bigger fanny pack. I have this one, and there are a few different ways to wear it. I can just clip it to the belt loop if I'm not wearing a belt. https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B07115SVZJ/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o02_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1

On 1/6/2019 at 10:23 AM, HeighHo said:

split the keys so the vehicle key is alone and the rest are in the vehicle....store the vehicle key with a hair band or two around the wrist, tucked under

 

Don't leave your house key in the car with your registration or anything that has your address. 

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I have never carried a purse.

I wear 5-pocket jeans.  It is enough.

When I was a teen and needed to carry tampons, I would stash them in my socks.

The main reason I have never wanted a purse is the fear that I would leave it somewhere.  At least my pockets stay attached to my butt.

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I generally don't carry a purse, but when I do I like the crossbody ones Baggallini sells. They come in lots of different sizes and configurations, and some are made in such a way that you wouldn't ever have to take it off, even when sitting or driving. Maybe something like that would work.

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I have a tiny wallet that attaches to my keys.   The thing with car keys, you can't leave without them.   It is a little wider and taller than a credit card.  It has two zippered pockets.   One, for Drivers License, credit cards, etc.   Another for cash and coins.  

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Count me in as someone who carries all my stuff in pockets too. I can make it work with jeans, sort of, but for the most part I always wear cargo pants. I do have a very small purse just big enough for phone, keys, wallet, and chapstick  that I keep in the closet for times I really need to dress up. This is useful for business parties where it says cocktail dress or a similar circumstance. It is small enough I can wear it diagonally across my chest rather than straight over my shoulder where I might have to physically hold onto it or set it down because I WILL forget it.

 

I was diagnosed dyslexic when younger. Not sure if there is any correlation with how my brain works and my need to not juggle a bunch of garbage or worry about forgetting things.

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On 1/6/2019 at 1:59 PM, Calming Tea said:

Yeah, so just the pockets thing has not worked for her...she's a little scatterbrained and doesn't like to have checklists and would never remember to check pockets before leaving the house, and when taking clothes off etc.  In the past 6 months she has lost her iphone, two sets of keys, two expensive pocket knives, money, etc.  It's not working at all. 🙂

I like some of the lanyard ideas here, except she needs a lot of pads, so not sure what the point of that is, if she would need to create a whole new system for one week out of every month...but I will look into it.

 

If she is scatterbrained it is best to just keep everything together on her dresser or chair or something when she takes off pants then move everything to whatever she wears the next day. 

 

Although, it looks like you are off and running with potential bags etc which may be better. It is hard to build habits but boy are they helpful.

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