What would you do if someone was obviously wrong...

[HomeAgain]

..but you couldn't do anything about it?  Other than offer moral support to your kid, I guess.  Ds had his driving test today.  He failed two weeks ago, for not using his turn signal enough and a bad 3 point turn.
He got the same lady again today.
She failed him for using his turn signal too much and a bad 3 point turn.  I get the turn signal thing.  He was a slight bit hyper since she docked him last time, but it was not excessive.  Just any time he moved lanes, shifted over, made any sort of turn...turn signal.  So a little hyper aware.  But his 3 point turn was TEXTBOOK.  I was sitting in the backseat during his test, watching.  He made sure there was no cross traffic.  He looked behind him as he went in reverse.  Checked cross traffic again.  Finished his move.  Textbook. All 12 steps were there. There was absolutely nothing wrong with it.  She claims he didn't look behind him and I absolutely watched this kid do it the entire time he backed up.
I can't complain, because it's his word against hers, and as a parent/sponsor, I don't think it would be taken seriously. But I'm steamed.  The kid studied that move over and over.  Read each step.  Made sure he had it down.

And I'd be inclined to think it was something that was a one-off, except we also noticed every other student driver she tested before it was ds's turn, fail.  They all failed.  Every one of them.

My kid is so discouraged right now.  I'm all for offering the moral support, but man, I want to just hug him and tell him she sucks.  I can't believe he failed.  To be honest, I'm not sure I'd pass this lady's test after reading all her marks of minor issues.  I'm sure I sound like a parent of an angel child right now, but I'm usually the most critical of my kids.  I know they're not perfect.  I just really, really  disagree with her decision in this case.

[Pawz4me]

I'd offer tons of moral support. I'd feel free to tell him this part of what you posted: "She sucks.  I can't believe he failed.  To be honest, I'm not sure I'd pass this lady's test after reading all her marks of minor issues."

And if at all possible I'd take him to a different location to re-take the test.

[Terabith]

I would tell him he did everything exactly right and that she is a jerk and unreasonable and it wasn't his fault.  And I would definitely go to a different location to retest again, if at all possible.  I would NOT allow him to retest with her.  

[MEmama]

Ugh--your poor DS. :(

You know, it's okay to agree with him that that situation sucks and that it's possible the instructor made a bad decision. I think one of the great things about this age is that unfair situations don't need need to be presented in another way; life just works that way sometimes and part of growing up is learning how to deal with it.

We've recently had a situation in school that wasn't dissimilar. DS felt very strongly that he and others had been wronged and when he took action, I backed him up 100%. If this driving instructor really has a track record of failing students over the 3point turn, it might be time to take the complaint higher. I don't think it should come from you, though (super curious why you were in the car during the test to begin with); any further action needs to be owned by your DS. 

Something sounds amiss. I hope your son can figure out his next course of action, whether it be to fight the decision, retake the test, or whatever else he comes up with.

Good luck. 

[hornblower]

I'm always #teamkid 

Always. I don't know. Maybe that makes me one of those crazy indulgent parents but I always take kids' side, esp at first. Gradually, sometimes kid themselves goes "well to be fair, I did ___ so it was partly my fault etc" and then I say something like 'yeah, I guess. Still sucks tho'.   

But here, especially in this case where it sounds like the examiner is nuts? I'd say "hun, that examiner is nuts. You rock. She's not fair or reasonable." I'd probably stomp a bit too & make rude comments about her.  

& I agree with trying to find another place or figure out that examiner's schedule and book around them. 


(btw, I've never heard of being in the car during the exam. I don't think that's allowed here...I don't think I'd want to do it even if it was allowed. I'd be too nervous. Well, also I barf in the back seat of a car so there's that...lol) 

[mamakelly]

I’d tell him exactly what you said here! He’s probably questioning his ability, wven though you said it was a perfect turn. Definitely take him somewhere else next time!

[KungFuPanda]

Can you take him to another town to retest so he doesn’t get stuck with this lady again?

[Tanaqui]

1. Tell him what you told us - this woman failed everybody, and you're certain she's too stringent and that, among other things, his three-point turn was perfect.

2. Go someplace else to take his test.

3. Consider filing a complaint, emphasizing that ALL people taking the test failed (that is, not just your darling).

I think it's good to be strict with driving standards. You can kill somebody with a car, easily. But if everybody failed, that suggests that it's not the new drivers who are in the wrong.

[SKL]

I'd schedule the next test at a time when she isn't there, and keep practicing and try again.

I flunked the driver's test twice also - first time was a real jerk who yelled at me and docked me for breathing. In my nervousness I mixed up my right and left.  (I was told he flunked all females the first time.)  The second one was me being overly cautious.  It sucked for sure, but the third time was the charm, and so far no prospective employer or date has ever asked me how many times I took the test.  😛

Edited December 19, 2018 by SKL

[KathyBC]

3 hours ago, HomeAgain said:

..but you couldn't do anything about it?  Other than offer moral support to your kid, I guess.  Ds had his driving test today.  He failed two weeks ago, for not using his turn signal enough and a bad 3 point turn.
He got the same lady again today.
She failed him for using his turn signal too much and a bad 3 point turn.  I get the turn signal thing.  He was a slight bit hyper since she docked him last time, but it was not excessive.  Just any time he moved lanes, shifted over, made any sort of turn...turn signal.  So a little hyper aware.  But his 3 point turn was TEXTBOOK.  I was sitting in the backseat during his test, watching.  He made sure there was no cross traffic.  He looked behind him as he went in reverse.  Checked cross traffic again.  Finished his move.  Textbook. All 12 steps were there. There was absolutely nothing wrong with it.  She claims he didn't look behind him and I absolutely watched this kid do it the entire time he backed up.
I can't complain, because it's his word against hers, and as a parent/sponsor, I don't think it would be taken seriously. But I'm steamed.  The kid studied that move over and over.  Read each step.  Made sure he had it down.

And I'd be inclined to think it was something that was a one-off, except we also noticed every other student driver she tested before it was ds's turn, fail.  They all failed.  Every one of them.

My kid is so discouraged right now.  I'm all for offering the moral support, but man, I want to just hug him and tell him she sucks.  I can't believe he failed.  To be honest, I'm not sure I'd pass this lady's test after reading all her marks of minor issues.  I'm sure I sound like a parent of an angel child right now, but I'm usually the most critical of my kids.  I know they're not perfect.  I just really, really  disagree with her decision in this case.

Hey, do you live near me? We have a pair of female examiners who have become part of the landscape somewhere between child #1 and #2, and they make it a point to fail as many as possible. From other students, I've heard of comments such as '1km over the speed limit, automatic fail'; 'too relaxed'; the list of ludicrous excuses goes on.

Edited December 19, 2018 by KathyBC

[Bootsie]

I am so sorry.  That is very frustrating.  I can see an examiner failing someone for failing to use a turn signal, but using one too much?  Aren't you supposed to use it when you change lanes or make any sort of turn?  

[Tanaqui]

Quote

From other students, I've heard of comments such as '1km over the speed limit, automatic fail'; 'too relaxed'; the list of ludicrous excuses goes on.

 

As a pedestrian, I think more drivers could stand to take the speed limit VERY SERIOUSLY. But "too relaxed"? Really?

[AmandaVT]

Ugh, that stinks. I'd let your kiddo know that the test was overly strict and that he's a great driver. Then see if there's another place you can take it. 

I'd also think about complaining to the DMV. If every kid was failed, that's just not fair. There are probably a lot of disappointed good drivers out there!

[sassenach]

5 hours ago, HomeAgain said:

..but you couldn't do anything about it?  Other than offer moral support to your kid, I guess.  Ds had his driving test today.  He failed two weeks ago, for not using his turn signal enough and a bad 3 point turn.
He got the same lady again today.
She failed him for using his turn signal too much and a bad 3 point turn.  I get the turn signal thing.  He was a slight bit hyper since she docked him last time, but it was not excessive.  Just any time he moved lanes, shifted over, made any sort of turn...turn signal.  So a little hyper aware.  But his 3 point turn was TEXTBOOK.  I was sitting in the backseat during his test, watching.  He made sure there was no cross traffic.  He looked behind him as he went in reverse.  Checked cross traffic again.  Finished his move.  Textbook. All 12 steps were there. There was absolutely nothing wrong with it.  She claims he didn't look behind him and I absolutely watched this kid do it the entire time he backed up.
I can't complain, because it's his word against hers, and as a parent/sponsor, I don't think it would be taken seriously. But I'm steamed.  The kid studied that move over and over.  Read each step.  Made sure he had it down.

And I'd be inclined to think it was something that was a one-off, except we also noticed every other student driver she tested before it was ds's turn, fail.  They all failed.  Every one of them.

My kid is so discouraged right now.  I'm all for offering the moral support, but man, I want to just hug him and tell him she sucks.  I can't believe he failed.  To be honest, I'm not sure I'd pass this lady's test after reading all her marks of minor issues.  I'm sure I sound like a parent of an angel child right now, but I'm usually the most critical of my kids.  I know they're not perfect.  I just really, really  disagree with her decision in this case.

Have him do the retake at a different dmv.

I have a friend who is great about always reframing stuff like this as a learning/character opportunity for her kids. My knee jerk reaction is to wish stuff like this didn’t happen but she’s good at reminding me that it’s an opportunity for me to walk my kid through disappointing/unfair circumstances.  

If it helps, my brother failed his driving test like 4 times but later became (a very safety conscious and capable) truck driver. These experiences can be overcome. 

(((Hugs))) not fun for mama!

[Katy]

I'm sorry.  I'd try to frame this as one of those experiences everyone has.  Frustrating, but not too much you can do about it. Kids who aren't home schooled often have at least one unreasonable teacher in high school. I had three that were terrible, one in particular was so bad my mom didn't believe me... until she met her, and when she did the same bad behaviors in front of parents so it was pretty obvious I wasn't exaggerating.  I've also had a couple of bad experiences with coworkers and bosses. I try to treat these kinds of things as an opportunity to practice controlling the things you can control and letting go of the things you can't.  He can control trying his best and trying at a different location.  He can also write a letter of complaint, but he can't control how it will be received.

[WendyLady]

That is terrible!  How frustrating for your son!!  Only one recommendation - watch the "Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day" movie (with Steve Carell).  There is a crazy drive test in that movie that might help your son laugh a little at the situation!

[HomeAgain]

Thanks all.  I have never so badly wanted a dash cam in my life, if it's even legal.  Ds and I were just stunned. And he's a pretty sensitive kid, so he's embarrassed and feels sure it was him and is even apologetic for failing and...that's NOT what I want my kid to feel.  The only other dmv near us is in a wicked location but it might be a better option given what we know now. 

As for why I was in the car - it's a requirement here.  Each student driver needs a sponsor in the vehicle, sitting directly behind the driver's seat.  It's weird.  I've never heard of it before and will be glad when this ordeal is over for this kid.

[Noreen Claire]

18 minutes ago, HomeAgain said:

Thanks all.  I have never so badly wanted a dash cam in my life, if it's even legal.  Ds and I were just stunned. And he's a pretty sensitive kid, so he's embarrassed and feels sure it was him and is even apologetic for failing and...that's NOT what I want my kid to feel.  The only other dmv near us is in a wicked location but it might be a better option given what we know now. 

As for why I was in the car - it's a requirement here.  Each student driver needs a sponsor in the vehicle, sitting directly behind the driver's seat.  It's weird.  I've never heard of it before and will be glad when this ordeal is over for this kid.

In Massachusetts, a student driver with a learner's permit cannot drive unless there is a licensed driver in the car who is also covered under the car's insurance policy. When I took my driver's test, I used my boyfriend's car (my parents both drove manual transmission cars) and he was my sponsor, sitting in the back seat. When DS23 got his license, he used the driving school's car and their instructor sat behind him (it was included in the price of his driving course).

Edited December 20, 2018 by Noreen Claire

[Guest]

I also vote for taking the test in a different location. My kids both took theirs out of town because even the driving school instructor said the most convenient location had an examiner there who was a nut. 

And I have been known to side with my kid once in a while like, “don’t worry about it; that examiner is nuts.” 

[Selkie]

She sounds like a nasty piece of work. I hope your ds is able to retake the test with someone else - poor kid!

My ds had the opposite experience. His test was super easy and literally took like five minutes. All the guy had him do was drive around the block, turn around in a driveway, and then drive back to the DMV. Ds was pretty stunned because he'd been expecting the test to be much more difficult!

[LMD]

Oh your poor ds! How frustrating!

Anecdote: I failed my driver's test 4 times. Yep. Well, I passed the driving portion first time with flying colours. They also have a simulation portion, to test your response times in other situations mainly. That's the bit I kept failing. Stupid computer.

[Farrar]

Ugh.

This makes me think of my driver's ed teacher. He was nuts. We would do the various turns over and over and over in this deserted neighborhood and no matter what we did (there were two student drivers who took turns), it was never good enough. I remember I got my mom to take me for more practice (I had my permit) - which was like some kind of miracle that she agreed to do it because she never did anything for me at that age - she was so busy working multiple jobs and in school. Anyway, I did the turns and I had a complete panic attack (which was very unlike me, especially at that age) and started screaming that they weren't good enough and my mom was like what is wrong with you, that was totally fine.

I'm with everyone else. Take him somewhere else to retake it.

ETA: Oh, and then when I took the actual test, they were downright nice. I think it's all down to who you get.

Edited December 20, 2018 by Farrar

[Reefgazer]

Head to a different DMV - they are state agencies and can license him.

[Soror]

Poor kid 😞 I'd go to a different dmv too, there is no way that stress is worth it.

[Lizzie in Ma]

Poor kid.  That happens a lot at a certain rmv here, we go to a different location and you should definitely try to do so.  Tell him it is NOT him.  Some people are just miserable.

[historically accurate]

I'd just tell him she's nuts. Here's my DMV story (feel free to share it to make him feel better): My DMV tester told me at the end in a nasty tone, "If it were truly up to me, there is no way you would pass. But you got enough points." Then as I was getting out of the car, he added, "You shouldn't ever go to a store or you'll kill someone in the parking lot." A car had parked like 3 inches next to me while I had been waiting to take the test, so close the tester had to wait until I backed out to be able to get in, and he kept shouting, "No, you're going to hit it. No, don't go! I just said, Don't move..." Not a good way to start a nerve-wracking test. I had to go back the next day and tell them I lost my license to get a new picture because I was sobbing by the time my picture was taken and my whole face was blotchy and tear-stained. 

[amyx4]

My teens and their friends joke that all the "flunking" happens at the end of the year. They believe the state is trying to make $$$.

They also believe that teens who have their parents in the back seat flunk more often than teens who have the drivers-ed guy in the backseat. 

I don't know if there's any truth to their ideas but it seems to happen enough that there just might be....

[Granny_Weatherwax]

I feel for your DS.

I didn't even get to take my 'first' driving test. My boyfriend (now husband) took me to get my license because my FOO refused to allow me to drive (long story). I had obtained my permit on my own (I was over 18 and my FDH taught me how to drive a stick shift and use his car for the driving test. I loved that car. It was a 1966 VW Baja Bug. It was red with gold air pacs on the back. It had a Porsche engine and was speedy. It has personality.

When we went to take the driving test, the examiner took one look at the car and said "Come back when you don't have the bubble gum machine." and went back inside. He refused to test me in the Baja.

It was a few weeks before I could find someone to let me borrow their car and get to the DMV.

Edited December 20, 2018 by The Accidental Coach