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How upset would you be if a family member


Quill
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How upset would you be?   

141 members have voted

  1. 1. How upset over guests changing menu concept at your party?

    • I would be furious!
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    • I would be pretty upset.
      31
    • I would be fairly annoyed.
      35
    • I would be slightly irked.
      32
    • I would be some version of happy or not at all bothered.
      29
    • Doughnuts and unicorns.
      7


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...overshadowed the menu you had prepared for a party? Like, suppose you planned a lasagna, salad and bread but your mom “surprised” you by bringing a ham, a potato dish, green beans and a chocolate pie? 

This did not happen to me, but it happened to someone close to me. I have a feeling the surprise menu individual thought she was doing something good by providing “abundance” and probably also wanted some traditional Christmas things, which was not what the host planned. But the host is really mad about it. And I can understand that, too.

I did have one time when my SIL brought a butt-load of shrimp as an “appetizer” to my Christmas dinner. I wasn’t furious, but I was a bit annoyed. It was an unnecessary excess and it didn’t reall make sense. But really, it was only about a 3 on a scale of 1-10 where 10 is furious. 

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A lot would depend on the backstory. Had the person been told not to bring anything?  Had they been told that there was a menu concept that was different and wasn’t potluck?  Do they have a history of trying to take over events?  Do they cross boundaries?  Someone with no weird backstory would not irk me half as much as someone who has had a history of trying to take over events despite being asked not to do so. 

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I said slightly irked, but it would depend on the intention.

If someone was trying to overshadow or outdo or deliberately make things about themselves, I'd probably be irked.

If it was just people bringing food because that's what they do then I wouldn't care and would be happy to try their stuff.

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It would depend.  If I were making lasagne and salad and such, I wouldn’t really care if someone brought food that didn’t match.  I’m not all that emotionally invested in lasagne and then there might be leftovers of my food.  

But I would be quite irked if I’d made tamales and someone brought mashed potatoes.  Or if I made a traditional Egyptian or Kyrgyz meal and someone brought sloppy joes. There are meals I plan with certain dishes in mind and I really wouldn’t want someone else to bring something that didn’t fit.  If they really wanted to bring something, then I’d tell them dessert was a good idea.

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It would probably depend on how it was done and the intent. If I had no idea all of that food was coming before it arrived, I would likely initially be shocked and surprised, unless there was history. But if their intentions seemed good and they let me keep all of the leftovers, I would be happy to not have to cook again for awhile.

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It depends on occasion and guests. If it’s a family only guest list, everyone is welcomed to bring something as if it is a potluck but they are not required too. Leftovers are seen as a good thing in my side of the family. My MIL might however feel insulted that people didn’t finish her food because she is emotionally vested in people enjoying her cooking. 

If I am hosting a party for whatever reason and the guest lists is mixed (relatives and friends) or all friends, then a hostess gift is graciously accepted though not required. However I would be slightly annoyed if someone bring a potluck dish unless the person has food sensitivities. As the host, I expect my guest to know I would have more than enough food to go round and still have leftovers for them to bring home.

My in-laws always host if it is my husband side of the family because they have rules about traditional dishes. I can see my in-laws bringing their own roasted duck and roasted chicken to my BIL or SIL house party because that’s what FIL is willing to eat. My FIL only eats traditional Cantonese food (not even other Chinese food) so he even finds fault with food at an authentic Chinese restaurant because it’s not the style he prefers. I don’t host my in-laws for parties even when we were in the same country, too much strife. 

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55 minutes ago, Quill said:

...overshadowed the menu you had prepared for a party? Like, suppose you planned a lasagna, salad and bread but your mom “surprised” you by bringing a ham, a potato dish, green beans and a chocolate pie?  

This did not happen to me, but it happened to someone close to me. I have a feeling the surprise menu individual thought she was doing something good by providing “abundance” and probably also wanted some traditional Christmas things, which was not what the host planned. But the host is really mad about it. And I can understand that, too.

I did have one time when my SIL brought a butt-load of shrimp as an “appetizer” to my Christmas dinner. I wasn’t furious, but I was a bit annoyed. It was an unnecessary excess and it didn’t reall make sense. But really, it was only about a 3 on a scale of 1-10 where 10 is furious. 

 you're comparing apples and oranges. 

in the first case - the "mom" brought an entire other meal.  entree, two side dishes, and dessert.

your sil brought a hearty appetizer.

if the "mom" wanted a traditional dinner- she should have hosted it herself.

one reason I hated thanksgiving - I have a relative who would make me feel like she really wanted the glory of being the hostess (with none of the work.)  - in MY house.   I learned to step back because it was dh's family and I figured it wasn't worth the fight.   but we also don't host them for thanksgiving anymore - now she can have the work of hostessing with her own family.

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We don't have menus or dinner parties or anything, I guess we just have get-togethers, so it wouldn't bother me. If we had two main dishes, four sides, and one dessert, the only thing people would notice is that there's only one dessert, lol. Did the host in question actually not have dessert at a party? Because that legit requires intervention. 

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Well, from a courtesy standpoint, if it was not a potluck then all that food could have been accepted as a hostess gift and put away to serve/use another time, with warm thanks.  Point, set, match.

From a courtesy standpoint as well, it was kind of on the insulting side to bring EVERYTHING like that, particularly if it wasn't a potluck.  Particularly as a 'surprise'.  It implies a complete lack of faith in the ability of the host to be a good host, and that could make people pretty mad.  Or it could make them roll their eyes and say, Dude, if you had just let me know I would not have gone to all this trouble.  

How would *I* feel?  When I have folks over I don't feel obligated to put out what they bring along unless it was arranged in advance or unless the event was a potluck.  I plan the dishes, and serving dishes, and drinks, and everything, and honestly it might be hard to get that big an influx of 'variety' shoehorned into another meal.  In that particular circumstance, I would probably stash the potatoes as the meal was already pretty starchy, and slice some of the ham in the kitchen and put it on a platter to pass around.  Not the green beans since I have a salad.  Whether I served the pie would depend on whether we had time for another course, and whether there was enough for everyone.  I would say thank you, you shouldn't have! in the moment, I would say that I was going to serve the ham and save the rest, and that would be that.  I might have a quiet word later on about how it would be helpful to know of such endeavors in advance so that I could plan them into the overall meal.

What would absolutely fry me would be if that guest then turned around and took all the leftovers home.  Sorry, no, if it's a gift it doesn't go back unless offered.  That would be the last straw.

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13 minutes ago, Carol in Cal. said:

Well, from a courtesy standpoint, if it was not a potluck then all that food could have been accepted as a hostess gift and put away to serve/use another time, with warm thanks.  Point, set, match.

From a courtesy standpoint as well, it was kind of on the insulting side to bring EVERYTHING like that, particularly if it wasn't a potluck.  Particularly as a 'surprise'.  It implies a complete lack of faith in the ability of the host to be a good host, and that could make people pretty mad.  Or it could make them roll their eyes and say, Dude, if you had just let me know I would not have gone to all this trouble.  

How would *I* feel?  When I have folks over I don't feel obligated to put out what they bring along unless it was arranged in advance or unless the event was a potluck.  I plan the dishes, and serving dishes, and drinks, and everything, and honestly it might be hard to get that big an influx of 'variety' shoehorned into another meal.  In that particular circumstance, I would probably stash the potatoes as the meal was already pretty starchy, and slice some of the ham in the kitchen and put it on a platter to pass around.  Not the green beans since I have a salad.  Whether I served the pie would depend on whether we had time for another course, and whether there was enough for everyone.  I would say thank you, you shouldn't have! in the moment, I would say that I was going to serve the ham and save the rest, and that would be that.  I might have a quiet word later on about how it would be helpful to know of such endeavors in advance so that I could plan them into the overall meal.

What would absolutely fry me would be if that guest then turned around and took all the leftovers home.  Sorry, no, if it's a gift it doesn't go back unless offered.  That would be the last straw.

I agree. Taking leftovers home would be the worst part for me. If you’re going to change up the menu unannounced, then at least let me keep the leftovers.

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The two times I have ever tried to host something at my house for my family, my mom has done this. She will even bring all the plates and utensils etc. She always takes over in the spirit of being helpful. But I hate it. It takes away my chance to be a host and leaves me feeling like she doesn't trust me to handle things.

The first time she did it, I was upset and annoyed. The second time, I didn't even fight it. I assumed she would do it again and I was right. So for Thanksgiving, that I supposedly hosted, this year I did nothing! I cleaned my house, my husband made the turkey, and everyone else brought the rest of the food. My mom showed up with a ton a food, plates, cups, utensils, tablecloths, toys ( apparently I don't have any?), And a bunch of other stuff. It makes me feel awful because it seems like she thinks I am incapable of doing those things myself. 

 

By the way, my life is more together than hers, we make 3x as much money as her, and I am probably more responsible than her.

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1 hour ago, Plagefille said:

The two times I have ever tried to host something at my house for my family, my mom has done this. She will even bring all the plates and utensils etc. She always takes over in the spirit of being helpful. But I hate it. It takes away my chance to be a host and leaves me feeling like she doesn't trust me to handle things.

The first time she did it, I was upset and annoyed. The second time, I didn't even fight it. I assumed she would do it again and I was right. So for Thanksgiving, that I supposedly hosted, this year I did nothing! I cleaned my house, my husband made the turkey, and everyone else brought the rest of the food. My mom showed up with a ton a food, plates, cups, utensils, tablecloths, toys ( apparently I don't have any?), And a bunch of other stuff. It makes me feel awful because it seems like she thinks I am incapable of doing those things myself. 

 

By the way, my life is more together than hers, we make 3x as much money as her, and I am probably more responsible than her.

 

Next year let one of your kids answer the door and let her see you on a banana lounge, in a bath robe, with a face mask on and cucumbers on your eyes. And refuse to get dressed.

 

I'd be unhappy if it was a sit down dinner, right mad if it was someone using this to be rude in a way they can't properly be called out for, and not care in the least if I'd prepared a buffet. I pretty much only host buffets because it cuts down on offence.

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5 hours ago, gardenmom5 said:

 you're comparing apples and oranges. 

in the first case - the "mom" brought an entire other meal.  entree, two side dishes, and dessert.

your sil brought a hearty appetizer.

if the "mom" wanted a traditional dinner- she should have hosted it herself.

one reason I hated thanksgiving - I have a relative who would make me feel like she really wanted the glory of being the hostess (with none of the work.)  - in MY house.   I learned to step back because it was dh's family and I figured it wasn't worth the fight.   but we also don't host them for thanksgiving anymore - now she can have the work of hostessing with her own family.

I would have welcomed an unexpected appetizer for any event, or an extra dessert or side dish at a buffet. I would have been really ticked off if someone upstaged an entire meal that I'd planned and put a lot of effort into. That's beyond helpful--it's attempting to control the meal and insulting to the hostess. The subtext being communicated to everyone through her action was that the hostess didn't prepare a proper menu for the family holiday meal.

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7 hours ago, gardenmom5 said:

 you're comparing apples and oranges. 

in the first case - the "mom" brought an entire other meal.  entree, two side dishes, and dessert.

your sil brought a hearty appetizer.

if the "mom" wanted a traditional dinner- she should have hosted it herself.

one reason I hated thanksgiving - I have a relative who would make me feel like she really wanted the glory of being the hostess (with none of the work.)  - in MY house.   I learned to step back because it was dh's family and I figured it wasn't worth the fight.   but we also don't host them for thanksgiving anymore - now she can have the work of hostessing with her own family.

Well, sure. They are not quite the same thing. I was annoyed about the shrimp because we had a massive amount of traditional foods and it didn’t make sense to me that everyone would eat the shrimp when a huge spread was coming in less than an hour. 

I know the mom would never have planned to host it herself because her health is too unpredictable. I think she got nostalgic at the last minute and wanted the meal to be traditional, so she commandeered it. 

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Also, one of the details is that the “real” host has limited fridge and serving space, so part of her upset was, “there’s no room for all this stuff.” Also, there was the probability that her planned food would be not or barely eaten because the number of guests is too small for two meals. 

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Honestly, it would probably depend upon the individual. Past history with individuals being the main difference to how I reacted.

If I've gone to great lengths to plan a meal and individuals are supposed to bring things to the meal -- I usually know what they are bringing, as I've asked.  If they go off script without telling/asking me I'd be annoyed (especially if they were supposed to bring dessert, and brought another main course instead).  If it was just extra food, I'd be less irked and more like "whatever."  

 

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I would be, and have been, annoyed by this kind of thing.  

Sometimes when I am hosting, I want to do it all. If people ask what to bring, I say "please just come empty-handed. I have everything planned out/under control." It's fine if people bring something I'm not expected to serve, but it seems so often there is that one person who has to bring a "contribution" to the meal.  I can think of two particularly annoying instances.

1. I had planned a Mexican themed dinner and the invitation included that information. It was not a potluck and no one was expected to bring anything. A few people brought Mexican beers (fine! great! more beer!) or some chips and salsa, but one couple showed up with a platter of dolmas.  I just put them out but I felt a little peeved. Had they not read the invitation?  Did they have leftovers they had to get rid of? IIRC they mostly got eaten, but so did everything else.  It was a crowd of big eaters. 

2. I had planned a dinner and when asked, told people not to bring anything. Some people brought wine (fine! great! more wine!) but one woman brought her "signature" dessert which I won't describe for privacy reasons but which is one of those things that people oooh and aaah over. She often served it at her house and at group functions.  It completely overshadowed my delicious but not-as-showy dessert, which ended up uneaten and was not something suitable for long-term storage/freezing.  That made me more than annoyed, because it definitely felt like a deliberate jab at my dessert-making skills. 

 

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I voted pretty upset. If I invite people for a party and it's not a potluck, presumably I have put some thought and effort into planning and preparing the food. It wouldn't be a "Let's raid the cupboard at the last minute and see what I've got." I will have shopped for the groceries, prepped the food, planned every detail of the meal. And someone else decides in advance that my efforts will be neither adequate nor acceptable and so brings an entirely different meal? I'd be polite in the moment and handle it with as much grace as possible, but we'd be having a serious conversation afterwards.

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If the pie was safe for everyone in my household to eat, that wouldn't bother me. If it wasn't, I'd be really annoyed. Do not bring food in my house that looks attractive to the kid but is unsafe for him to have!

DH would be happy to see the ham, even if it was a meat lasagna. I wouldn't care. Leftover lasagna suits me fine.

She'd be taking the potatoes and green beans home untouched. In contrast to some PPs who'd want to keep the leftovers, I'd refuse to keep the leftovers. We don't have extra fridge space for that, and they likely wouldn't get eaten.

In general, I feel like people who just want to have traditional foods for a holiday should do that on their own time. She could've had her chosen menu at home the day before. (Now, if you need to bring your own stuff to my house because you're, say, vegan and allergic to nuts, I'm not going to bat an eye; put your safety first and count on me to hush anybody who tries to say anything.)

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1 hour ago, marbel said:

 

2. I had planned a dinner and when asked, told people not to bring anything. Some people brought wine (fine! great! more wine!) but one woman brought her "signature" dessert which I won't describe for privacy reasons but which is one of those things that people oooh and aaah over. She often served it at her house and at group functions.  It completely overshadowed my delicious but not-as-showy dessert, which ended up uneaten and was not something suitable for long-term storage/freezing.  That made me more than annoyed, because it definitely felt like a deliberate jab at my dessert-making skills. 

 

these types of circumstances are what make putting it aside for you to have later while serving what you planned makes sense.   but of course- it's on their own serving dish, which they want back.

 

dh's family thanksgiving was potluck  so, we always knew ahead what people were bringing.   1sil .. . always had something that had to be prepared, and it was always questionable if it would be ready in time or not.   dh didn't care - if it was done, we'd eat it, if it wasn't - she was supposed to take her stuff (that no one else would eat) home with her.   dinner would NOT be held so she could prepare her side-dish.    

and he does have a relative who loves to be the center of attention.   my most enjoyable thanksgiving - this person was in another state with mil.

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2 minutes ago, whitehawk said:

In general, I feel like people who just want to have traditional foods for a holiday should do that on their own time. She could've had her chosen menu at home the day before. (Now, if you need to bring your own stuff to my house because you're, say, vegan and allergic to nuts, I'm not going to bat an eye; put your safety first and count on me to hush anybody who tries to say anything.)

 

Absolutely agree about safety. I'm happy to accommodate someone's special needs if I can. But if I can't for some reason, I'd never have an issue with someone bringing something that fit a special diet. I'd want them to be able to eat and enjoy themselves.

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6 minutes ago, gardenmom5 said:

these types of circumstances are what make putting it aside for you to have later while serving what you planned makes sense.   but of course- it's on their own serving dish, which they want back.

<snip>

That is true. But when the dessert-bearing guest announces the arrival of the item in the hearing of others.. something like "oh, I just had to bring my....." And other people who have had the item light up in anticipation... not much to be done but serve it.   (I didn't note that in my earlier post so you wouldn't have known about that part!)

Also, in this case (not in every case) it was a highly perishable item, not best saved for the next day.  

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3 minutes ago, marbel said:

That is true. But when the dessert-bearing guest announces the arrival of the item in the hearing of others.. something like "oh, I just had to bring my....." And other people who have had the item light up in anticipation... not much to be done but serve it.   (I didn't note that in my earlier post so you wouldn't have known about that part!)

Also, in this case (not in every case) it was a highly perishable item, not best saved for the next day.  

I'm also one who - it depends who is doing it.  someone clueless but well-meaning, or someone who loves to upstage.    if it's the someone who loves to upstage (dh has a relative) - my passive-aggressive might well come out and I wouldn't care if it was perishable.

 

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I think it all depends on the backstory.

I could also see it being an issue of family culture. In my family of origin, and some church events, potlucks are the norm. In other circles, a dinner provided entirely by the host is the norm. I could see a potluck person bringing food because, in her mind, that's just what one does. Although the amount and variety mentioned in the OP, I don't think that's what's going on here.

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If this was an every day dinner party, I would probably be annoyed.  If this was our family's only Christmas get together, I would probably be the one who showed up with a traditional Christmas dinner because most of my own family members wouldn't be happy with a non-traditional dinner if the hostess deviated from our traditions.  We would all want an actual Christmas dinner.  Other parts of the family does a roast for Christmas dinner and they would be upset if they didn't have their Christmas roast as has been tradition for at least 5 decades as well.  It really depends on the circumstances.

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See, to me, if it's Christmas, and you eat dinner, that's Christmas dinner. And if you love a roast at Christmastime, you could have it reasonably any time between solstice and New Year's, but not impose it on someone who's hosting and who has planned and made a meal. Or host it yourself. But you're either the host or the guest, not both.

ETA: Yes, that means back when we traveled for Christmas, I wound up eating holiday meals I didn't love. But that wasn't the point. We were there to visit the people.

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13 minutes ago, TeenagerMom said:

If this was an every day dinner party, I would probably be annoyed.  If this was our family's only Christmas get together, I would probably be the one who showed up with a traditional Christmas dinner because most of my own family members wouldn't be happy with a non-traditional dinner if the hostess deviated from our traditions.  We would all want an actual Christmas dinner.  Other parts of the family does a roast for Christmas dinner and they would be upset if they didn't have their Christmas roast as has been tradition for at least 5 decades as well.  It really depends on the circumstances.

Are you serious?

You could not be bothered to do a traditional dinner at home if your INVITED family did not like what the HOST was serving?  You would honestly be that rude to bring a meal because you didn't appreciate the host's efforts?

That's a great way to have invitations rapidly decrease from that point on.

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5 hours ago, Pippen said:

I would have welcomed an unexpected appetizer for any event, or an extra dessert or side dish at a buffet. I would have been really ticked off if someone upstaged an entire meal that I'd planned and put a lot of effort into. That's beyond helpful--it's attempting to control the meal and insulting to the hostess. The subtext being communicated to everyone through her action was that the hostess didn't prepare a proper menu for the family holiday meal.

Exactly! I have tried to tell my mom this..... I am just never inviting them to a meal again. It is too insulting. 

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For a family member to do this without warning, it would really hurt my feelings.  

It’s not like there wasn’t a point that they bought and cooked this food.  They could have called then.  We could have worked something out.  

I would be very hurt they either didn’t consider me enough, or assumed I would be too difficult, to bother with a phone call.  

If they wished for a traditional meal, I would work something out.  Maybe adding a second time, maybe lessening my preparations.

But showing up with a full meal and no communication would be very hurtful.  

If they know I have prepared for things, and then want to make a huge change with no communication, it would really throw me off and make it harder for me to enjoy the event, as I would be stressed about finding a place for everything.  Especially if there was limited storage space!  That would just stress me out at a time I should by all rights be enjoying my time with family.  

I am also prone to not liking things where an emphasis seems to be more on Martha Stewart skills than enjoying time together.  I cannot win there and yet we have very nice family times together.  

Edit:  I love Martha Stewart things when there is no air of competition.  It is the air of competition that gets to me.  

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18 minutes ago, HeighHo said:

At first I thought it was food preferences then I realized its just part of the particular poverty culture and not accepting the nonblood relatives.  What I do now is serve the planned meal, and then on the side have the junk food that the inlaws restrict their party diet too...summer that's boxburgers (frozen hamburger patties), hotdogs and black bear potato salad/cole slaw/mac salad with sugary dessert.  My fellow nonblood relatives eat well, the inlaws eat the carp and are happy they get to snub my cooking.  My hostess duty is fulfilled.  

With the shrimp appetizer, I'd thank and put enough out that people have that choice. It doesn't slay me as a hostess.

With the alternate dinner choice, I wouldn't put it out, but I'd plate for the person who brought it.  I am often invited to an inlaw lasagna meal for Christmas day, but its so loaded with sausage, cheese , salt/fat that I can't eat it , and there is nothing else offered but sugar desserts, so its byo or fast. 

 

This is just food snobbery.  What you described is the components in a fairly ordinary cookout for most of america. Add fresh fruit and fresh garden vegetables, and it is what we have on most summer occasions. Sometimes we have turkey burgers....ooooh, from a box! The horrors! Or chicken breasts or poultry sausage...And sometimes we have the dreaded box burgers! LOL

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13 hours ago, Jean in Newcastle said:

A lot would depend on the backstory. Had the person been told not to bring anything?  Had they been told that there was a menu concept that was different and wasn’t potluck?  Do they have a history of trying to take over events?  Do they cross boundaries?  Someone with no weird backstory would not irk me half as much as someone who has had a history of trying to take over events despite being asked not to do so. 

I agree.  I have a friend who is very specific about her menus - we can bring stuff that compliments her main choice (her house, her rules).  For instance, she'll make chili for the Superbowl.. we can bring fixings or something that goes with that... like cornbread etc.  But, bringing a ham would be considered disrespectful to her wishes - and she would be quite annoyed.  I would be annoyed if I had a specific theme in mind and someone went in a completely different direction.  However, if I were planning a pot-luck, then the more the merrier.  

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2 hours ago, whitehawk said:

See, to me, if it's Christmas, and you eat dinner, that's Christmas dinner. And if you love a roast at Christmastime, you could have it reasonably any time between solstice and New Year's, but not impose it on someone who's hosting and who has planned and made a meal. Or host it yourself. But you're either the host or the guest, not both.

ETA: Yes, that means back when we traveled for Christmas, I wound up eating holiday meals I didn't love. But that wasn't the point. We were there to visit the people.

Yeah, I can't imagine being so hung up on eating a certain food on a certain day that I would bring a full meal to someone else's house (unless asked to).  We have eaten our traditional Thanksgiving or Christmas dinner the day or week before or after... or skipped it some years for various reasons.  I like good food, and I like traditions, but sometimes you've just gotta let it go.

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3 hours ago, marbel said:

That is true. But when the dessert-bearing guest announces the arrival of the item in the hearing of others.. something like "oh, I just had to bring my....." And other people who have had the item light up in anticipation... not much to be done but serve it.   (I didn't note that in my earlier post so you wouldn't have known about that part!)

Also, in this case (not in every case) it was a highly perishable item, not best saved for the next day.  

 

Lol... this is where you say, "OH, thank you for bringing my family dinner for tomorrow! How thoughtful of you to realize that I would need a break after preparing this special meal for us today!"

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I don't understand people saying they'd be more annoyed if this person has a history of doing this stuff.  I would consider myself warned if they had a history.  I'd consider it par for the course if they did it, and I'd be pleasantly surprised if they didn't.

Like my mom is always late.  What is the point of getting yourself all worked up over it?  Expect it and plan accordingly.

Seriously, chronically annoying people?  Don't give them so much real estate in your brain when you don't need to.

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13 hours ago, Plagefille said:

The two times I have ever tried to host something at my house for my family, my mom has done this. She will even bring all the plates and utensils etc. She always takes over in the spirit of being helpful. But I hate it. It takes away my chance to be a host and leaves me feeling like she doesn't trust me to handle things.

The first time she did it, I was upset and annoyed. The second time, I didn't even fight it. I assumed she would do it again and I was right. So for Thanksgiving, that I supposedly hosted, this year I did nothing! I cleaned my house, my husband made the turkey, and everyone else brought the rest of the food. My mom showed up with a ton a food, plates, cups, utensils, tablecloths, toys ( apparently I don't have any?), And a bunch of other stuff. It makes me feel awful because it seems like she thinks I am incapable of doing those things myself. 

 

By the way, my life is more together than hers, we make 3x as much money as her, and I am probably more responsible than her.

Have you ever told her you have everything needed and you would rather she just brought one dish?

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