DesertBlossom Posted December 11, 2018 Share Posted December 11, 2018 Just for fun... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted December 11, 2018 Share Posted December 11, 2018 If I know both people's first name, I use that. (Sometimes they don't share a last name either - so I write whatever I know.) Sometimes I will write "Firstname Lastname and Family" or Mr & Mrs ___ & Family" if I don't know enough names, or if they are a family but there hasn't been a wedding. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rachel Posted December 11, 2018 Share Posted December 11, 2018 For me it depends on the age of the person! I address letters to people my grandparent’s age, “Mr.& Mrs. John Smith”. I sometimes do that with newlyweds too, but it depends on the couple. People closer to my age I’ll address as “The Smith Family”. But then I have a few families where the couple has different last names, those get tricky because I want to be sensitive. I may address those to “John, Jane, Joe, and Jess”, or “John Smith, Jane Doe, and family”. I have also sent the card to the dog or just the children in the family. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happi duck Posted December 11, 2018 Share Posted December 11, 2018 "Lastname"...if the same "Lastname/Otherlastname" if different The Lastname Family if there are kids and everyone has the same last name. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
regentrude Posted December 11, 2018 Share Posted December 11, 2018 (edited) For friends/family: Jane and John Smith or Smith Family. Never ever option 1. I fully know that Mrs John Smith is supposed to be etiquette, and I refuse to use it because I object to the connotations it carries. Edited December 11, 2018 by regentrude 2 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kassia Posted December 11, 2018 Share Posted December 11, 2018 I voted for Mr. and Mrs. John Smith but I often use The Smith Family because many families are complicated for one reason or another. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
73349 Posted December 11, 2018 Share Posted December 11, 2018 Never option 1. Option 2 or 3, maybe, or the __________ Family (with ______ being two hyphenated names if applicable) if there are kids. But OTOH I may just address the envelope/box to the person I expect to open it, and address everyone on the inside. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DesertBlossom Posted December 11, 2018 Author Share Posted December 11, 2018 I guess I should have added more options. We got a package addressed to Mr. and Mrs. HusbandsName OurLastName and my kids thought it was so weird. I had to explain. I usually do option 3 for a couple. But I wondered if that was no considered formal. I would do LastName Family if it was intended for an entire family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arcadia Posted December 11, 2018 Share Posted December 11, 2018 Very formal would be Mr & Mrs (or Dr) last name. Very informal would be both their first names without the last name. Lastname family would mean adults and kids (including adult kids) for my social circle. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MEmama Posted December 11, 2018 Share Posted December 11, 2018 nameoffriends@server dot com People still write envelopes?? (I kid, kind of. No idea when I last sent a letter) 2 2 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marbel Posted December 11, 2018 Share Posted December 11, 2018 For older people or people I know expect/like it, option 1. Never use option 2. It looks weird to me, like a kid wrote a letter to a friend's parents. Mostly I use option 3, except I usually put the woman's name first. Jane and John Smith, or Jane Smith and John Jones, if that's the way it goes. Smith Family for a card/invitation that is for kids as well as parents. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farrar Posted December 11, 2018 Share Posted December 11, 2018 For something like a Christmas card to a family, I would also put The Smiths or The Jones & Smiths or something like that. I know a lot of families where there are multiple last names (like my own). I do use the second address but I don't always put the man first. I'll do the woman typically if it's more to her or I know her better. I just sent my baby nephew his homemade stocking (whew, done!) and I addressed it c/o brother'sfirstname and sil'sfirstname lastname, but mostly because obviously I know my brother better. Basically, I don't stand on the rules for this stuff. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kassia Posted December 11, 2018 Share Posted December 11, 2018 Based on this poll, I think I am going to change the way I address envelopes in the future! 🙂 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Junie Posted December 11, 2018 Share Posted December 11, 2018 I usually use The Smith Family if there are children. I write FirstName & FirstName LastName (with an ampersand) if they are a couple. I write FirstName and FirstName LastName (with the word "and") if they are not a couple -- for instance adult siblings with the same address. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lady Florida. Posted December 11, 2018 Share Posted December 11, 2018 (edited) I usually write The LastName Family or just The LastNames. Occasionally I'll write the husband and wife + last name if their are no children. Edited December 11, 2018 by Lady Florida. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BarbecueMom Posted December 11, 2018 Share Posted December 11, 2018 Option 4: I don't send anything to anyone. 2 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DesertBlossom Posted December 11, 2018 Author Share Posted December 11, 2018 14 minutes ago, BarbecueMom said: Option 4: I don't send anything to anyone. I rarely do. But I started thinking about this because the ILs just sent us a Christmas package and then I sent one to them a couple days later. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DesertBlossom Posted December 11, 2018 Author Share Posted December 11, 2018 I remember my grandmother used to address things Firstname and FirstName LastName, but the first name on the address was always the direct relative. So, for example, DaughterFirstName and SILFirstName LastName. Like she gave preferential treatment to her flesh and blood. 😅 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
historically accurate Posted December 11, 2018 Share Posted December 11, 2018 My grandmother used choice 1 despite her husband dying at age 40. She used Mrs. Grandpa'sFirst LastName until the day she died. I know it's correct, but I always thought it was weird that she didn't just use her given name. I usually address as choice 3 if it's a couple. I use Smith Family if there are kids. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bambam Posted December 11, 2018 Share Posted December 11, 2018 Depends upon age. If older (70+), Mr & Mrs. Husband'sFirstname LastName. Mostly because I've had a few older ladies tell me this is the correct way *they* want the envelopes addressed, so I'm willing to do that. If older widow, I usually just put the last name - because sometimes they don't want people assuming or knowing that a single lady lives there. For other families, I usually put LastName or LastName Family. Now if it were something formal (like a wedding invitation), I'd probably do something else, but since I'm married, I'll continue with my current method! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MEmama Posted December 11, 2018 Share Posted December 11, 2018 1 hour ago, DesertBlossom said: I remember my grandmother used to address things Firstname and FirstName LastName, but the first name on the address was always the direct relative. So, for example, DaughterFirstName and SILFirstName LastName. Like she gave preferential treatment to her flesh and blood. 😅 My MIL addresses things to me as Mrs SonsName Last Name. I don't have an actual individual presence, apparently. (I think she thinks it's fancy) 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
edelweiss Posted December 12, 2018 Share Posted December 12, 2018 For a couple, I always use choice #1 unless they have different last names. I am a traditionalist, and I like formality. 🙂 If I am sending something to a whole family, I will address it as "The XXXX Family." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EKS Posted December 12, 2018 Share Posted December 12, 2018 If they have the same last name, I do First Name and First Name Last Name. If they don't, then I do First Name Last Name and First Name and Last Name. I have always thought that Choice 1 was ridiculous, and I'm old! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kassia Posted December 12, 2018 Share Posted December 12, 2018 1 hour ago, MEmama said: My MIL addresses things to me as Mrs SonsName Last Name. I don't have an actual individual presence, apparently. I don't mind being addressed that way at all, though. I always use that option myself for addressing envelopes but am going to make an effort to change that after this poll. It's just the way I was taught to do it and I'm so used to it that I don't even think about it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Momto6inIN Posted December 12, 2018 Share Posted December 12, 2018 (edited) 6 hours ago, regentrude said: Never ever option 1. I fully know that Mrs John Smith is supposed to be etiquette, and I refuse to use it because I object to the connotations it carries. I am not big into feminism, but this has always bugged me. DH's grandma always addresses cards to me this way. Ugh. I tell my husband that I love being a "Mrs." and I love being a "DH's last name" but for crying out loud my first name is not the same as his! Lol Edited December 12, 2018 by Momto5inIN 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
regentrude Posted December 12, 2018 Share Posted December 12, 2018 (edited) 2 hours ago, MEmama said: My MIL addresses things to me as Mrs SonsName Last Name. I don't have an actual individual presence, apparently. yeah, it's like "Offred" in Handmaid's Tale. I find it insulting. Edited December 12, 2018 by regentrude 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted December 12, 2018 Share Posted December 12, 2018 6 hours ago, regentrude said: For friends/family: Jane and John Smith or Smith Family. Never ever option 1. I fully know that Mrs John Smith is supposed to be etiquette, and I refuse to use it because I object to the connotations it carries. Me, too. I am writing out Christmas cards right now and the great majority of the time, I write “The Smith Family” or “The Smiths.” If it is a couple that does not share a name, I write the lady’s name first. I’m not really trying to make a feminist point - it’s more that the lady is the closer aquaintance - but there is admitedly a part of me that thinks, “There’s no true reason why his name has to go first simply because he is male.” So, regardless of whatever etiquette rules, I put “Jane Smith and Thomas Rodgers.” Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rachel Posted December 12, 2018 Share Posted December 12, 2018 6 hours ago, regentrude said: For friends/family: Jane and John Smith or Smith Family. Never ever option 1. I fully know that Mrs John Smith is supposed to be etiquette, and I refuse to use it because I object to the connotations it carries. It’s funny, I don’t mind getting a card addressed this way, although I don’t think I ever have. I always figure the individual is a trying to follow an etiquette book and has the best intentions. But when my friends who grew up in Ohio (or are in CC) tell their kids to address me Mrs.Lastname, I always correct them. I tell them Mrs. Lastname is my husband’s grandma and my name is Rachel or Ms. Rachel because most parents in our area have kids use Mr. or Ms. First name when addressing adults. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Junie Posted December 12, 2018 Share Posted December 12, 2018 (edited) I had a hard time writing my cousin's Christmas card for a few years. When he married, he and his wife both hyphenated their names. So they became the Wife'sMaidenName-Husband'sLastName family. For some reason, I still have a hard time with it. ETA: I also have a hard time thinking of one of my other cousin's names. She is divorced but kept her married name. I always want to refer to her as FirstName MaidenName. I don't think of her as Mrs. LastName. Edited December 12, 2018 by Junie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katy Posted December 12, 2018 Share Posted December 12, 2018 I didn't read all the answers yet, but etiquette wise you're never supposed to separate the husband's first name from his last name. So it's Jane and John Doe, not John and Jane Doe. And that's why the married monogram goes <Wife SURNAME Husband> initials. So if the names were Adam and Eve Garden, the monogram would be EGA. But to answer the question, I write Eve and Adam Garden or The Garden Family if there are children or multiple surnames. Or I would, if I bothered to spend the time setting up a photo shoot so we would send out Christmas cards. Sigh. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J-rap Posted December 12, 2018 Share Posted December 12, 2018 Times have changed, and I never write Mr. and Mrs. anymore. I list the first name of both -- starting with the one I know best (might be the husband or the wife) and then the shared last name, or if the entire name is different, I begin with the person I personally know best. This is what my dd's have advised me to do so it's what I do. (One of them is married.) However, my favorite way of doing it is to just address the envelope to: The Smith Family. Unless, of course, the husband and wife each use their own name, and then I put to: The Smith - Johnson Family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted December 12, 2018 Share Posted December 12, 2018 15 hours ago, beckyjo said: My grandmother used choice 1 despite her husband dying at age 40. She used Mrs. Grandpa'sFirst LastName until the day she died. I know it's correct, but I always thought it was weird that she didn't just use her given name. I usually address as choice 3 if it's a couple. I use Smith Family if there are kids. Actually, if you want to be Miss Manners, it isn't correct. A widow uses her first name and her husband's last name. She no longer uses his first name as part of the way she's addressed. Of course, this is just etiquette, not preference. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted December 12, 2018 Share Posted December 12, 2018 My mom gets offended if she's referred to as Mrs. Herfirst Lastname. She says polite is Mrs. Husbandfirst Lastname or just Herfirst Lastname. My grandmother outlived her husband by 3 decades, but her address was still Mrs. Husbandfirst [Husband MI] Lastname. However, knowing that some women take offense at the "correct" address, I just avoid the whole issue by not using Mr. or Mrs. in the first place - unless I don't know the wife's first name. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kassia Posted December 12, 2018 Share Posted December 12, 2018 1 hour ago, SKL said: My mom gets offended if she's referred to as Mrs. Herfirst Lastname. She says polite is Mrs. Husbandfirst Lastname or just Herfirst Lastname. My grandmother outlived her husband by 3 decades, but her address was still Mrs. Husbandfirst [Husband MI] Lastname. However, knowing that some women take offense at the "correct" address, I just avoid the whole issue by not using Mr. or Mrs. in the first place - unless I don't know the wife's first name. This is what I'm going to do, too. I think my in-laws would be offended if I didn't use Mr. and Mrs. John Smith but now I'm seeing here that is offensive to some so I don't want to use it for everyone. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J-rap Posted December 12, 2018 Share Posted December 12, 2018 21 hours ago, regentrude said: For friends/family: Jane and John Smith or Smith Family. Never ever option 1. I fully know that Mrs John Smith is supposed to be etiquette, and I refuse to use it because I object to the connotations it carries. I'm pretty sure this isn't proper etiquette anymore, unless you're an old-timer and it's just what you're used to doing, for tradition's sake. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kassia Posted December 12, 2018 Share Posted December 12, 2018 2 minutes ago, J-rap said: I'm pretty sure this isn't proper etiquette anymore, unless you're an old-timer and it's just what you're used to doing, for tradition's sake. I really wish this thread/poll existed before I addressed all of my Christmas card envelopes! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Liz CA Posted December 12, 2018 Share Posted December 12, 2018 21 hours ago, regentrude said: For friends/family: Jane and John Smith or Smith Family. Never ever option 1. I fully know that Mrs John Smith is supposed to be etiquette, and I refuse to use it because I object to the connotations it carries. I am not even sure if it's really still etiquette?? It sounds very antiquated to me. I usually write "Smith Family" or "Mary & Jack Smith" or "Jane Doe and Jack Doodle." 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J-rap Posted December 12, 2018 Share Posted December 12, 2018 14 minutes ago, Kassia said: I really wish this thread/poll existed before I addressed all of my Christmas card envelopes! Haha, well there's always next year! Every now and then I get cards addressed Mr. and Mrs. husband's first name, last name. Whatever. I know it's just done out of an old tradition. It doesn't bother me. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Loowit Posted December 12, 2018 Share Posted December 12, 2018 I try to address things how people prefer, but it gets really hard to remember how each person prefers to be addressed. Some are offended if you aren't formal and some if you are, so I just do my best and hope they don't think too poorly of me. The last few years I have send very few letters or cards by mail except to my parents whom I send seasonal cards several times a year. I vary what I how I address them depending on my mood. If I send a card to a family, it is almost always to The Lastname Family. However, that only works if they have the same last name. It gets complicated when they all have different last names and then I decide it is too complicated and stop sending cards. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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