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Lighthearted poll about addresses envelopes


DesertBlossom
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Lighthearted poll about addressing letters  

83 members have voted

  1. 1. How do you usually address packages or letters to couples?

    • Mr. and Mrs. HusbandsFirstName Lastname
      15
    • Mr. and Mrs. Lastname
      14
    • HusbandFirstName and WifeFirstName Lastname
      54


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If I know both people's first name, I use that.  (Sometimes they don't share a last name either - so I write whatever I know.)

Sometimes I will write "Firstname Lastname and Family" or Mr & Mrs ___ & Family" if I don't know enough names, or if they are a family but there hasn't been a wedding.

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For me it depends on the age of the person!

I address letters to people my grandparent’s age, “Mr.& Mrs. John Smith”. I sometimes do that with newlyweds too, but it depends on the couple. 

People closer to my age I’ll address as “The Smith Family”. But then I have a few families where the couple has different last names, those get tricky because I want to be sensitive. I may address those to “John, Jane, Joe, and Jess”, or “John Smith, Jane Doe, and family”.  I have also sent the card to the dog or just the children in the family. 

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I guess I should have added more options. 

We got a package addressed to Mr. and Mrs. HusbandsName OurLastName and my kids thought it was so weird. I had to explain. 

I usually do option 3 for a couple. But I wondered if that was no considered formal. 

I would do LastName Family if it was intended for an entire family.

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For older people or people I know expect/like it, option 1.

Never use option 2. It looks weird to me, like a kid wrote a letter to a friend's parents. 

Mostly I use option 3, except I usually put the woman's name first.  Jane and John Smith, or Jane Smith and John Jones, if that's the way it goes.

Smith Family for a card/invitation that is for kids as well as parents. 

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For something like a Christmas card to a family, I would also put The Smiths or The Jones & Smiths or something like that. I know a lot of families where there are multiple last names (like my own).

I do use the second address but I don't always put the man first. I'll do the woman typically if it's more to her or I know her better. I just sent my baby nephew his homemade stocking (whew, done!) and I addressed it c/o brother'sfirstname and sil'sfirstname lastname, but mostly because obviously I know my brother better.

Basically, I don't stand on the rules for this stuff.

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I usually use The Smith Family if there are children.

I write FirstName & FirstName LastName (with an ampersand) if they are a couple.

I write FirstName and FirstName LastName (with the word "and") if they are not a couple -- for instance adult siblings with the same address.

 

 

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Depends upon age. If older (70+), Mr & Mrs. Husband'sFirstname LastName. Mostly because I've had a few older ladies tell me this is the correct way *they* want the envelopes addressed, so I'm willing to do that.  If older widow, I usually just put the last name - because sometimes they don't want people assuming or knowing that a single lady lives there. 

For other families, I usually put LastName or LastName Family. 

Now if it were something formal (like a wedding invitation), I'd probably do something else, but since I'm married, I'll continue with my current method!

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1 hour ago, DesertBlossom said:

I remember my grandmother used to address things Firstname and FirstName LastName, but the first name on the address was always the direct relative. So, for example, DaughterFirstName and SILFirstName LastName. Like she gave preferential treatment to her flesh and blood. 😅

My MIL addresses things to me as Mrs SonsName Last Name. I don't have an actual individual presence, apparently. 

(I think she thinks it's fancy)

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1 hour ago, MEmama said:

My MIL addresses things to me as Mrs SonsName Last Name. I don't have an actual individual presence, apparently. 

 

 

I don't mind being addressed that way at all, though.  I always use that option myself for addressing envelopes but am going to make an effort to change that after this poll.  It's just the way I was taught to do it and I'm so used to it that I don't even think about it.  

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6 hours ago, regentrude said:

Never ever option 1. I fully know that Mrs John Smith is supposed to be etiquette, and I refuse to use it because I object to the connotations it carries. 

I am not big into feminism, but this has always bugged me. DH's grandma always addresses cards to me this way. Ugh. I tell my husband that I love being a "Mrs." and I love being a "DH's last name" but for crying out loud my first name is not the same as his! Lol

Edited by Momto5inIN
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6 hours ago, regentrude said:

For friends/family: Jane and John Smith or Smith Family.

Never ever option 1. I fully know that Mrs John Smith is supposed to be etiquette, and I refuse to use it because I object to the connotations it carries. 

Me, too. 

I am writing out Christmas cards right now and the great majority of the time, I write “The Smith Family” or “The Smiths.” If it is a couple that does not share a name, I write the lady’s name first. I’m not really trying to make a feminist point - it’s more that the lady is the closer aquaintance - but there is admitedly a part of me that thinks, “There’s no true reason why his name has to go first simply because he is male.” So, regardless of whatever etiquette rules, I put “Jane Smith and Thomas Rodgers.” 

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6 hours ago, regentrude said:

For friends/family: Jane and John Smith or Smith Family.

Never ever option 1. I fully know that Mrs John Smith is supposed to be etiquette, and I refuse to use it because I object to the connotations it carries. 

It’s funny, I don’t mind getting a card addressed this way, although I don’t think I ever have. I always figure the individual is a trying to follow an etiquette book and has the best intentions. But when my friends who grew up in Ohio (or are in CC) tell their kids to address me Mrs.Lastname, I always correct them.  I tell them Mrs. Lastname is my husband’s grandma and my name is Rachel or Ms. Rachel because most parents in our area have kids use Mr. or Ms. First name when addressing adults. 

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I had a hard time writing my cousin's Christmas card for a few years.  When he married, he and his wife both hyphenated their names.  So they became the Wife'sMaidenName-Husband'sLastName family.  For some reason, I still have a hard time with it.

ETA:  I also have a hard time thinking of one of my other cousin's names.  She is divorced but kept her married name.  I always want to refer to her as FirstName MaidenName.  I don't think of her as Mrs. LastName.

 

Edited by Junie
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I didn't read all the answers yet, but etiquette wise you're never supposed to separate the husband's first name from his last name.  So it's Jane and John Doe, not John and Jane Doe.  And that's why the married monogram goes <Wife SURNAME Husband> initials. So if the names were Adam and Eve Garden, the monogram would be EGA.

But to answer the question, I write Eve and Adam Garden or The Garden Family if there are children or multiple surnames.  Or I would, if I bothered to spend the time setting up a photo shoot so we would send out Christmas cards. Sigh.

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Times have changed, and I never write Mr. and Mrs. anymore.  I list the first name of both -- starting with the one I know best (might be the husband or the wife) and then the shared last name, or if the entire name is different, I begin with the person I personally know best.   This is what my dd's have advised me to do so it's what I do.  (One of them is married.)  However, my favorite way of doing it is to just address the envelope to:  The Smith Family.  Unless, of course, the husband and wife each use their own name, and then I put to:  The Smith - Johnson Family.

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15 hours ago, beckyjo said:

My grandmother used choice 1 despite her husband dying at age 40. She used Mrs. Grandpa'sFirst LastName until the day she died. I know it's correct, but I always thought it was weird that she didn't just use her given name.  

I usually address as choice 3 if it's a couple. I use Smith Family if there are kids. 

Actually, if you want to be Miss Manners, it isn't correct. A widow uses her first name and her husband's last name. She no longer uses his first name as part of the way she's addressed. 

Of course, this is just etiquette, not preference. 

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My mom gets offended if she's referred to as Mrs. Herfirst Lastname.  She says polite is Mrs. Husbandfirst Lastname or just Herfirst Lastname.

My grandmother outlived her husband by 3 decades, but her address was still Mrs. Husbandfirst [Husband MI] Lastname.

However, knowing that some women take offense at the "correct" address, I just avoid the whole issue by not using Mr. or Mrs. in the first place - unless I don't know the wife's first name.

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1 hour ago, SKL said:

My mom gets offended if she's referred to as Mrs. Herfirst Lastname.  She says polite is Mrs. Husbandfirst Lastname or just Herfirst Lastname.

My grandmother outlived her husband by 3 decades, but her address was still Mrs. Husbandfirst [Husband MI] Lastname.

However, knowing that some women take offense at the "correct" address, I just avoid the whole issue by not using Mr. or Mrs. in the first place - unless I don't know the wife's first name.

 

This is what I'm going to do, too.  I think my in-laws would be offended if I didn't use Mr. and Mrs. John Smith but now I'm seeing here that is offensive to some so I don't want to use it for everyone.  

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21 hours ago, regentrude said:

For friends/family: Jane and John Smith or Smith Family.

Never ever option 1. I fully know that Mrs John Smith is supposed to be etiquette, and I refuse to use it because I object to the connotations it carries. 

I'm pretty sure this isn't proper etiquette anymore, unless you're an old-timer and it's just what you're used to doing, for tradition's sake.

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2 minutes ago, J-rap said:

I'm pretty sure this isn't proper etiquette anymore, unless you're an old-timer and it's just what you're used to doing, for tradition's sake.

 

I really wish this thread/poll existed before I addressed all of my Christmas card envelopes!  

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21 hours ago, regentrude said:

For friends/family: Jane and John Smith or Smith Family.

Never ever option 1. I fully know that Mrs John Smith is supposed to be etiquette, and I refuse to use it because I object to the connotations it carries. 

 

I am not even sure if it's really still etiquette?? It sounds very antiquated to me. I usually write "Smith Family" or "Mary & Jack Smith" or "Jane Doe and Jack Doodle."

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14 minutes ago, Kassia said:

 

I really wish this thread/poll existed before I addressed all of my Christmas card envelopes!  

Haha, well there's always next year!  Every now and then I get cards addressed Mr. and Mrs. husband's first name, last name.  Whatever.  I know it's just done out of an old tradition.  It doesn't bother me.

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I try to address things how people prefer, but it gets really hard to remember how each person prefers to be addressed.  Some are offended if you aren't formal and some if you are, so I just do my best and hope they don't think too poorly of me.

The last few years I have send very few letters or cards by mail except to my parents whom I send seasonal cards several times a year.  I vary what I how I address them depending on my mood.  If I send a card to a family, it is almost always to The Lastname Family.  However, that only works if they have the same last name.  It gets complicated when they all have different last names and then I decide it is too complicated and stop sending cards.

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