GRRRRRRR!!!!!!! wanting to let her figure it out on her own

[kfeusse]

My dd (18) a senior is taking an AYOP Physics class because we couldn't find a live class we could afford.  It's hard for her....and she keeps putting off the work. She does have a live tutor option 3 days a week but has yet to use it.  She wants me to let her go and trust she will do what she needs to do.  I wanted to do that...she started this class in October and she has just finished the 1st of 16 lessons (each lesson is supposed to take about 2 weeks)...she even had a 2 week break from many of her other classes due to Thanksgiving Break...so she had a huge opportunity to get some work done.

About 3 weeks ago I promised her I wouldn't ask her about it until Christmas...and I didn't...until 2 days ago when she needed my help with something...and I realized how little she has actually done. Now I am just frustrated...worried...upset by the whole thing.  She NEEDS this class for the college she plans to attend...or rather she needs 3 high school science courses and this is her 3rd.  She could take something different...but it's too late to start something new now. 

we just had an argument...she wants me to trust her...but she hasn't shown me I can...so what would you do here?  Do I let her go now until Christmas to see where she is?  Do I micromanage because she isn't showing me to be trustworthy? 

thanks for your insight. 

[maize]

It sounds to me like she needs hard deadlines to motivate her to do the hard work. That's pretty normal. Since the class is AYOP you are probably going to have to provide the deadlines.

Would an incentive work? "If you complete this lesson by x date you will get..." 

[Arcadia]

Would a SAT Physics subject test score or CLEP exam score satisfy the third lab science requirement?

Is she interested in Physics? My kids always put  AYOP subjects last on their homework priority list. If my kids aren’t interested in that subject, it would just be neglected and forgotten. Would a one semester dual enrollment lab science class work if the AYOP physics doesn’t work out?

[HomeAgain]

This is why we instituted the 'pay once' rule in our house.  I'll pay for any class my kid put in the effort to pass.  I'll buy any book once.  But if a child refused to do the work, they would reimburse for the class.  If they didn't pay attention to supply details, they would rebuy what they needed.  That one was the hardest for my son when he ended up with *THREE* copies of a math book because he refused to take a picture of the ISBN or get the specific edition with the online code.  He sucked it up and bought them himself after I spent $150 on the first, and after that class he was definitely more attentive to the supply list!

[kfeusse]

8 hours ago, maize said:

It sounds to me like she needs hard deadlines to motivate her to do the hard work. That's pretty normal. Since the class is AYOP you are probably going to have to provide the deadlines.

Would an incentive work? "If you complete this lesson by x date you will get..." 

I think this is part of the issue...and something I should have done at the beginning.  She meets all of her other deadlines...so, yeah, I think that is what we will need to sit down and do.  

[Miss Tick]

In our house I would say something like, "I know you want me to let you run this class on your own, and I know you are old enough to be taking on that kind of responsibility. To be clear, I would, of course, expect that once we are half-way through the year (beginning of January) you would be halfway through the material. Of course, with an AYOP class we have some flexibility, but I would be concerned if you were less than 1/3 of the way through the material. Regardless, when we check in at the start of the next semester I look forward to hearing your summary of progress and your plan to finish."

Keep in mind any hard end dates you may have - does she need to be done with course work by May, or can she stretch to August?

[RootAnn]

1 minute ago, SusanC said:

Keep in mind any hard end dates you may have - does she need to be done with course work by May, or can she stretch to August?

AYOP classes don't work at all for my oldest. @SusanC Seeing that this is her senior, I think she has to be done by the graduation date/ in time to send final transcript to the college-so maybe July??

I'd work up a mock schedule showing how much she'll have to do each week (with dates so Christmas is taken out) to give her an idea of her pace moving forward.

If you have access to a Community College (which would be tough where I am), I'd look into an in person class to take its place. My senior is completing a one semester Chem class at a state college as her third science credit. It has gone well, but that access isn't easy in many places.

[Valley Girl]

11 hours ago, maize said:

It sounds to me like she needs hard deadlines to motivate her to do the hard work. That's pretty normal. Since the class is AYOP you are probably going to have to provide the deadlines.

Would an incentive work? "If you complete this lesson by x date you will get..." 

I agree. For my high schooler's online classes, I break the entire course into daily assignments and he does the work. (He's not at the point where he can do that.) If your DD doesn't quite need that level of help, perhaps the two of you can sit down at the beginning of the semester and map it out so she has some ownership and has an overview of the whole course. Maybe it's not too late to do that for this course, even if it means she's working into the summer to complete it?

FWIW, I share your frustration with kids who want the trust but haven't yet demonstrated they can be trusted on these things.

[Miss Tick]

39 minutes ago, RootAnn said:

Seeing that this is her senior, I think she has to be done by the graduation date/ in time to send final transcript to the college-so maybe July??

That was what I was thinking. If possible I would sit with her and talk HER through the planning out process. Then if you can/want to you could offer some possible alternatives.

[Bambam]

I would ask her where she plans to be by Christmas. Tell her the class has to be finished by May (or whenever) and have her show you her plan for making that happen. Her plan should be detailed enough so that you can see when she will be completed with each module. I would offer to help her figure that plan out if she needs it. If there are any big breaks or interruptions coming in the spring, I would be sure to mention those to her.

 

 I find sometimes that if you have the child work backwards from a deadline, they start to see what they need to do in order to reach that deadline- but you have to force them to write it out in a detailed enough fashion so they actually figure it out!

 

[MerryAtHope]

What I would do is ask her to come up with what her plan is for getting the work done. Does she know each lesson should take 2 weeks and that she has 32 weeks of work to do total? Ask her how many weeks there are between now and May (or whatever her ending date is), and then to map out her plan. If it's a good one, great, you'll let her run with it. If she'd like you to not ask her about it, she should be pro-active and give you periodic updates. This is what adults do when they are working on a project for work. It's great that she wants to be given this responsibility, and I'd encourage her to take it on. But she needs to communicate what her plan is--and having her come up with a plan can help her to see whether she really doesn't have one (other than procrastination and hoping to do a lot "tomorrow!")