Everyone was so crabby in the grocery store today

[Tree Frog]

5 hours ago, Quill said:

Sure. This is basically the recipe I use from my Reader’s Digest Downhome Cooking cookbook. I don’t do my crust the way this recipe says; I use a bottom crust and a top. Sometimes for holidays, I do a lattice top crust. I use three cans of Oregon Dark Sweet Cherries. I drain them but reserve the juice; sometimes it is a little too dry and I want the cornstarch to make a cherry “sauce”. 

True confession: when I was pregnant with #2, I would sometimes make this cherry filling and would stand there in the kitchen, eating the filling out of the saucepan! 

Quill, thank you! I'll enjoy making a real pie this year instead of just dumping from a can. I do have a question, though. You said you use sweet cherries, but the recipe calls for sour cherries. Do you adjust the sugar for the sweetness of the cherries?

 

 

[Tree Frog]

5 hours ago, Annie G said:

I use tart cherries - we can get them locally grown. But if you buy them, they are usually frozen or canned/jarred packed in water.  I add sugar, water, corn starch.

Thank you. I've had a hard time finding them frozen, but I'll look again and check the canned fruit/baking aisle tomorrow morning when I shop.

 

[rebcoola]

Y'all reminded me that not having to shop this week is another great thing about going out for Thanksgiving dinner.  My In-laws can whine about the lack of leftovers all they want it is so worth it.

[regentrude]

I am saving my shopping trip for 9am Sunday morning. It's usually quiet and peaceful; people either sleep or are in church. I try to avoid Saturdays is at all possible.

Edited November 18, 2018 by regentrude

[cjzimmer1]

3 hours ago, Junie said:

 

However, cherry pies are difficult/impossible to buy because two of my girls are allergic to red food coloring, which is found in almost all cherry pie filling.

A few years ago, my father-in-law caught wind of the fact that the girls wanted cherry pie and he made a pie from scratch, using fresh cherries.

I nearly cried for joy.  It was such a beautiful gift.

Aldi's doesn't have any artificial food coloring in their cherry pie filling.  (I even went to check the can in my cupboard to make sure I was remembering correctly).  They have cleaned up a lot of their basics in the last few years.

[Chris in VA]

We will miss Thanksgiving in the states this year. Christmas, too. I don't have to host or cook because there will be a TG dinner at a place we stayed 5 years ago, for all the "yanks." 

Have to say I'd trade a day here for a day back home, even with the hassles. But I do get it. 

[Guest]

9 hours ago, wilrunner said:

Quill, thank you! I'll enjoy making a real pie this year instead of just dumping from a can. I do have a question, though. You said you use sweet cherries, but the recipe calls for sour cherries. Do you adjust the sugar for the sweetness of the cherries?

 

 

I do not. Once in a while, I find Oregon Dark Tart Cherries canned, and I actually do like that contrast sweet/tart a little better, but realistically, I can’t always find them (I most often cannot) so I use the Oregon Sweet and keep the sugar the same. In any case, it is not at all similar to what I call the sickening sweetness of canned cherry pie filling. Even with sweet cherries, this recipe has a much broader flavor profile than canned filling.

I suppose I could as a teaspoon of lemon juice and it might be an improvement when I use sweet cherries. Just never thought about it before. 

[Tree Frog]

1 hour ago, Quill said:

I do not. Once in a while, I find Oregon Dark Tart Cherries canned, and I actually do like that contrast sweet/tart a little better, but realistically, I can’t always find them (I most often cannot) so I use the Oregon Sweet and keep the sugar the same. In any case, it is not at all similar to what I call the sickening sweetness of canned cherry pie filling. Even with sweet cherries, this recipe has a much broader flavor profile than canned filling.

I suppose I could as a teaspoon of lemon juice and it might be an improvement when I use sweet cherries. Just never thought about it before. 

Thank you. I was able to find the tart cherries (Oregon brand, that was the only brand WalMart and HEB had) when I went out last night, so I'll use those. It's good info, though, about using sweet cherries and the sweetness not being overpowering.

[Kanin]

16 hours ago, Kassia said:

 

This is pretty much what caused the woman to pick a fight with me at Walmart.  She was behind me in a long line to check out and I was trying to fix my phone, which somehow got all locked up.  She was irritated that I was on my phone and told me I should "check my phone AFTER" I check out.  I was stunned because I wasn't holding anyone up.  The cashier was slow and the person ahead of me hadn't even started checking out yet.

 

Wow.... that's really unreasonable! 

[Lady Florida.]

I've been thinking about this since yesterday when I first read it. Dh and I went to the grocery store yesterday for Thanksgiving stuff plus whatever else was on our list. We spent about an hour shopping in a very crowded Publix store. It was packed. Everyone was friendly and polite. People blocked the aisles or moved slowly and when they realized what they were doing they apologized. The people they apologized to accepted it gracefully. 

What I've been thinking about is the recent thread about small talk in public. I don't remember if any of you posted in that thread and if so where you stood. I live in a place where small talk among strangers is normal, even expected. I wonder if that has any effect on people's moods. Of course there are grumpy people everywhere at all times but I do think that sometimes making small talk can take the wind out of a grump's sails. 

And yes, I know I can be completely off base here. I won't be surprised if a number of posters say they live where small talk is normal and people were still grumpy. ? 

[MercyA]

16 hours ago, Junie said:

On the topic of cherry pie:

I don't make pie because of a wheat allergy and arthritis.  It just isn't worth the effort.  I just buy pies at the store and occasionally dh will make me a gluten-free pie. 

However, cherry pies are difficult/impossible to buy because two of my girls are allergic to red food coloring, which is found in almost all cherry pie filling.

A few years ago, my father-in-law caught wind of the fact that the girls wanted cherry pie and he made a pie from scratch, using fresh cherries.

I nearly cried for joy.  It was such a beautiful gift.

I discovered something a few months ago that made me ridiculously happy. All Marie Callender frozen fruit pies (except pumpkin and pecan) are VEGAN, and all of the ones I checked are dye-free and preservative-free, including the Lattice Cherry Pie! I've only tried the Lattice Apple, but I can honestly say it's one of the best pies I've ever eaten in my life (and my mom's apple pie rocks out, and my mother-in-law was Amish, so...)

When it comes to food prep, I'm a huge believer in going the easy route, if possible. ? 

[Lady Florida.]

Pie: 

I'm not a fan of pie unless it's key lime pie. An occasional slice of blueberry pie is okay. Or pizza pie.Does anyone call it that anymore or do we just say pizza now? ? Other than those, I let others have my slice of the pie. 

Ddil's mother is famous for her pies* so she always brings several pies to holiday gatherings. Our two families get along well and celebrate Thanksgiving and Christmas together. I usually have a small slice of one of her pies because I feel bad if I don't since everyone makes a big deal out of "Marsha's pie". 

*Every few months she makes a bunch and brings them to dss' fire station. The firefighters love her and her pies. 

[Liz CA]

15 hours ago, Quill said:

If I really wanted to throw her into a tailspin, I could bring Pumpkin Pie, since she went out of her way to instruct me NOT to bring pumpkin. 

I could always say, “Reallly?! I thought you said to bring Pumpkin Pie.” 

 

You should be bringing nothing but yourself and let them wait hand and foot on you. Well, you can always critique the various pies....?

Edited November 18, 2018 by Liz CA

[marbel]

1 hour ago, Lady Florida. said:

I've been thinking about this since yesterday when I first read it. Dh and I went to the grocery store yesterday for Thanksgiving stuff plus whatever else was on our list. We spent about an hour shopping in a very crowded Publix store. It was packed. Everyone was friendly and polite. People blocked the aisles or moved slowly and when they realized what they were doing they apologized. The people they apologized to accepted it gracefully. 

What I've been thinking about is the recent thread about small talk in public. I don't remember if any of you posted in that thread and if so where you stood. I live in a place where small talk among strangers is normal, even expected. I wonder if that has any effect on people's moods. Of course there are grumpy people everywhere at all times but I do think that sometimes making small talk can take the wind out of a grump's sails. 

And yes, I know I can be completely off base here. I won't be surprised if a number of posters say they live where small talk is normal and people were still grumpy. ? 

I don't live in the south but my husband was born in GA and his parents live there. So I have visited many times, and often during the holidays.

My observation (and it's an observation from a Yankee who lived most of her life on the west coast, so take it for what it's worth) is that people are polite in public, but in many cases it's just a veneer. So, people would be smiling and chatty and gracious in the store, but afterward would be bitching about the fat woman who blocked the aisle with her cart while perusing the pickles.  

Which is probably better than being nasty in the store, which is what I saw here in the suburbs of Philadelphia.  There are some stores where people are friendlier and chattier - they are mostly the smaller, family-run stores that people who have lived here forever have always shopped at.  Unfortunately for me, their prices are mostly out of line for my wallet.  :-)  

I've just determined that no matter what I encounter, I'm not going to get grumpy with people.  I will try to be the person I want to shop next to, or stand in line behind. 

Oh, this is related to another earlier post - about people in line behind. I have had people passive-aggressively "hint" that I should let them get ahead of me. If I have a full cart and they have a small amount, I will sometimes do it, but sometimes I won't because I am in a hurry too. And, I don't like the implication that I am obliged to let them go. I am much more inclined to just let someone go if they have given me no hint that they expect it.  Once, I had let 2 people go ahead of me and then another woman walked up and sighed heavily and commented to the air that she had such a few things and was so busy... she didn't know that I had already sent others on ahead and just could not do it one more time.  

[Lady Florida.]

27 minutes ago, Indigo Blue said:

Trader Joe's is the only place where everyone (shoppers and employees) seem happy. I don't know why this is, but I love shopping in there just for this very reason! ?

That's how it is at Publix here. Their motto, "Where shopping is a pleasure" is often true. 

[KungFuPanda]

20 hours ago, texasmom33 said:

It's the 2 Buck Chuck! ?

Sadly, no. In my part of Maryland you cannot purchase alcohol in grocery stores. No 2 buck chuck, or Costco wine deals. Pity me. 

5 hours ago, Indigo Blue said:

Trader Joe's is the only place where everyone (shoppers and employees) seem happy. I don't know why this is, but I love shopping in there just for this very reason! ?

We ran into TWO of our former Starbucks baristas who were working the Trader Joe’s registers. They both report that it’s twice the pay and half the stress. 

[Serenade]

On 11/17/2018 at 5:08 PM, texasmom33 said:

Well this settles it. I'll be getting the remaining groceries I need delivered for sure now! I don't care if the brand is wrong or the rolls are smashed. I'll stay in my happy bubble and be grateful that HEB delivers and make sure I get the personal shopper an excellent tip for braving the meanies, LOL.  ?

 

Oh yeah, go right ahead and brag that you have an HEB.  Swoon.  My favorite grocery store, except I live in NC, and Texas is a long ways away...

Although I tried Target delivery service last week, and we sometimes do Walmart pick-up, and I've really been appreciating these opportunities. 

[Tanaqui]

Oh, those "let me go first" hints. Forget it! If you want to go in front of me, just ask. If it seems reasonable (you have a few items and I have a lot, you have an obviously fussy child and I don't, whatever) then I'll say yes!

[frogger]

I have never had someone hint that they ought to be able to go in front of me. That just seems crazy. I have had a number of people offer to let me go first because I had a few items in my hand and they had a cart full. I have also done likewise at times for others. 

I know people have often been polite but inside seething and though that's not great I kind of wonder if it's better simply because rudeness and anger spreads so even if they complain at home they are only giving their spouse a headache and not the 12 other people they could have been nasty to who then felt grumpy when they got home.

 

I did not choose to give up Thanksgiving (though we don't celebrate most holidays). We are skimpy on birthdays, often don't bother with a an actual party. Usually we get a cake for the family but my children don't have great expectations so they aren't let down or thinking they are deserving. We skip all the strange American celebrations like Valentine's Day, Halloween, and Labor Day and though I often fail to do so if we do Memorial day it will be a graveyard ceremony, etc.  It's not that the origins are strange but what commercialization has done to them is just weird to me.

But we do Thanksgiving and Christmas properly, in my opinion at least. ? Not saying everyone else needs to but for my background and family traditions. Instead of getting worked up about time I cancelled school, music lessons, etc to make more time. I will load a ton of groceries in my vehicle to go to my mom's and it will be combined with her groceries and my sister's groceries and we will spend Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday cooking and cleaning. Every child will have a dish or two to be in charge of and all hands will help. I realize some people will need to simplify dinner, etc and that's good too (that's what I do with other holidays) but in most cultures the holiday is supposed to be a break from routine. I think Americans pile a bunch of stuff on top of their normal routines. You can only reasonably have one or the other without going crazy.

 

[regentrude]

5 hours ago, Margaret in CO said:

I don't dare eat someone else's turkey, gravy, potatoes, etc. as I can bet it will have MSG in it. 

People add MSG to potatoes??? Why? Never heard of this.

[Wheres Toto]

1 hour ago, regentrude said:

People add MSG to potatoes??? Why? Never heard of this.

Maybe it's boxed/packaged/dried potatoes?   That's the only thing I can think of unless they use some kind of mixed spices that have it.

i get headaches from MSG (among many other things) and those are where I would be concerned.

[regentrude]

3 minutes ago, Where's Toto? said:

Maybe it's boxed/packaged/dried potatoes?   That's the only thing I can think of unless they use some kind of mixed spices that have it.

i get headaches from MSG (among many other things) and those are where I would be concerned.

oh, that would make sense. I get headaches from MSG, too - but everybody in my circle of friends makes potato dishes from actual potatoes.

[Lady Florida.]

9 hours ago, frogger said:

I have never had someone hint that they ought to be able to go in front of me. That just seems crazy. I have had a number of people offer to let me go first because I had a few items in my hand and they had a cart full. I have also done likewise at times for others. 

I know people have often been polite but inside seething and though that's not great I kind of wonder if it's better simply because rudeness and anger spreads so even if they complain at home they are only giving their spouse a headache and not the 12 other people they could have been nasty to who then felt grumpy when they got home.

 

 

I've never had anyone hint that I should let them go first either. People do it sometimes because it's a nice thing to do. Sometimes they don't offer for whatever reason and it's not expected (I count myself in both situations). Reading about your (general your) experiences and comparing them to my own, I must live in a bubble of niceness. I don't think people are faking politeness either. It's not that hard to read a fake smile or an implied "bless your heart" and it's not that hard to see if someone is seething. I don't see that in the stranger friendliness I encounter. 

As for those who might be seething inside and outwardly polite, my mother used to call that manners. No good can come from being nasty to a total stranger in the produce aisle or waiting in the checkout line. There's no need and no reason to be nasty.

Edited November 19, 2018 by Lady Florida.

[Pawz4me]

I went to Walmart this morning about 9:15. It was really busy for a Monday morning! But everybody was polite. Remembering this thread I made an effort to be extra polite. One mom had her little boy, about two or three years old, in the cart seat and he was singing Christmas carols in a nice inside voice. 

[Lady Florida.]

10 minutes ago, Pawz4me said:

 One mom had her little boy, about two or three years old, in the cart seat and he was singing Christmas carols in a nice inside voice. 

Awww. ❤️ That would be one time I'd not complain about it being too early for Christmas songs. 

[frogger]

1 hour ago, Lady Florida. said:

I've never had anyone hint that I should let them go first either. People do it sometimes because it's a nice thing to do. Sometimes they don't offer for whatever reason and it's not expected (I count myself in both situations). Reading about your (general your) experiences and comparing them to my own, I must live in a bubble of niceness. I don't think people are faking politeness either. It's not that hard to read a fake smile or an implied "bless your heart" and it's not that hard to see if someone is seething. I don't see that in the stranger friendliness I encounter. 

As for those who might be seething inside and outwardly polite, my mother used to call that manners. No good can come from being nasty to a total stranger in the produce aisle or waiting in the checkout line. There's no need and no reason to be nasty.

I do totally agree. I guess I just hear people talk about being real and honest and whatever but really being an adult sometimes means putting aside your own feelings for the benefit of others. I sometimes feel like our society has lost that ability, or at least some of it.

[regentrude]

51 minutes ago, Margaret in CO said:

Lots of people put broth in them, so a no-no. Can't eat but a bite anyway, due to the carbs. I'm gun shy any more. We had our big Scout fundraiser last week. First day was okay, as I ate the chili I had brought, but the second day, I ate someone else's (mine was gone). Wham! I got MSGd. I'm still scratching and my scalp is peeling. If I get it bad enough, I quit breathing. I'm extra sensitive right now as I got nailed so recently. 

I'm going to make apple/strawberry/spinach salad with feta cheese and pecans, for protein (have to pick out the strawberries as I'm allergic). 

It's all a pain, but it's my problem, not anyone else's.

That sounds awful. I am sorry. Why don't people just use REAL ingredients? Broth should be is water and veggies and salt. I hate processed stuff that has all this unnecessary carp.

Edited November 19, 2018 by regentrude

[vonfirmath]

3 hours ago, Lady Florida. said:

I've never had anyone hint that I should let them go first either. People do it sometimes because it's a nice thing to do. Sometimes they don't offer for whatever reason and it's not expected (I count myself in both situations). Reading about your (general your) experiences and comparing them to my own, I must live in a bubble of niceness. I don't think people are faking politeness either. It's not that hard to read a fake smile or an implied "bless your heart" and it's not that hard to see if someone is seething. I don't see that in the stranger friendliness I encounter. 

As for those who might be seething inside and outwardly polite, my mother used to call that manners. No good can come from being nasty to a total stranger in the produce aisle or waiting in the checkout line. There's no need and no reason to be nasty.

 

I'm with Lady Florida. I do not see grumpiness in the store. I was at three grocery stores yesterday and I was exhausted at the end of it -- but it was because of three grocery stores. Not because the people were particularly unhappy.  So I live in another bubble of niceness outside of Austin -- at least in the grocery stores.

 

And I love that about manners. I agree with "Fake it until you make it" Sometimes pretending emotions you don't necessarily feel can make everything better.

[journey00]

On 11/17/2018 at 7:55 PM, Faith-manor said:

We reached a crisis point when family dinners became too much stress to host. When we were a young married couple, it seemed like the extended family was more well mannered, polite, kept the crazy to themselves. Everyone pitched in to put them on and then clean them up. Over time this became more and more my job along with my mother, and no one would help. It was an endless litany of how their lives were way more busy than mine, and how they deserved to have someone put on the holiday for them, but they couldn't contribute or help clean up or donate money- feeding a huge meal to twenty+  is expensive - etc. They'd sit around after the meal and yuck it up, while dh, myself, my kids, and I cleaned up after everyone. ON top of that, my brother's five kids and their spouses stopped getting along at some point and began being quite difficult to be around as a group. Then three years ago when we were going through the colossal horror with my father figure and mother, despite the fact that it was obvious I had more on my plate than I could possibly handle, they all wanted to know what kind of Thanksgiving  I was hosting for all of them. I snapped. I realized that Norman Rockwell is a dream from the past, that too many people are too selfish, to narcissistic to care about others enough to have an enjoyable, family event. So we ended them. The extended family is very angry with us. But, honestly, it just doesn't matter any more.

We are doing small, lovely little affairs with just my mother in law, our boys, dd and her hubby, and our grandson. That's it. My mom is going to my brother's house where she will listen to my sister in law whine and complain about how she should be waited on and not be cooking. But that's her choice. We offered to have her with us, but she felt since she eats every Sunday meal with us, that she should go there. That's fine.

I think that people need to let go of the Norman Rockwell thing, and also the "make everything just so" thing. Seriously, throw a turkey or ham in the oven, make a few sides, and tell everyone to bring their own table service which they will wash themselves. Keep it simple, serve it buffet style, and make a special proclamation that politics and religion are off limits. Anyone who brings up such a topic will be asked to leave. Those two things right there will make it go better. And I think it's very okay to tell the mean, selfish relatives that they aren't welcome to come.

OP, I get it. I had to go out and get a few things, and though it was an errand to only one store, I ended up coming home thinking, "How can I avoid being around the other humans in this community?"

This resonates with me soooo much!!! My extended family shows up and I am the one cooking and cleaning after everyone...I have gotten to the point where I want to disappear for Thanksgiving because I can't stand anyone in my family anymore!!! People come to my small house and stay for at least 5 days and has been going on for years and frankly I don't know how much I can take. I don't want any of my family members to show up ever again!  am so proud of you! Good for you!!

[Arcadia]

7 hours ago, journey00 said:

 My extended family shows up and I am the one cooking and cleaning after everyone...I have gotten to the point where I want to disappear for Thanksgiving because I can't stand anyone in my family anymore!!! 

 

You might want to start charging like this BBC news article: Is it ever ok to charge family for Christmas lunch? https://www.bbc.com/news/business-46345677

“The cost of festive nibbles, fancy side dishes, the turkey, cake, pudding and alcohol all add up, especially if you're hosting extended family and friends, as well as your immediate family. 

And that's before you account for the stress and extra work involved in cooking such a large meal.

Could charging guests for their meal be one way to cope?

When a user on parenting forum Mumsnetsaid her mother-in-law had decided to charge her family £17-a-head to attend this year's Christmas dinner it sparked a mixed response. 

Some thought it was fair enough given the cost, while others said it simply wasn't in keeping with the season's spirit of togetherness and generosity.”