Memory "disorder" that runs in family...

[J-rap]

My dh has never been able to remember much about his childhood.  It was a very lovely, loving childhood, so it's not like there was abuse or anything.  Two of my (adult) children are the same way.  They can barely remember anything specific about their past...  No memories of whether things they did were fun, or what made them happy or sad, or specific details, although they know that events happened.  Those three family members are very sharp, creative, and present-focused.  I guess their brains just pour their energy into the here and now instead of being bogged down by past memories.  They can all accomplish an enormous amount of work and projects all at once.  (Way more than is normal.)  Often, my ds will ask me things like:  Was he a happy boy?  Did he think such and such was fun?  What was he like?  But this is through high school, not just young childhood.  He remembers that things happened, but can't remember himself as part of those events.

Anyway, I was reading this article the other day and showed it to my dd (and the other family members), and she couldn't believe how much it reminded her of herself:

http://www.bbc.com/future/story/20181112-severely-deficient-autobiographical-memory-is-surprisi

It has kind of boggled all of our minds, thinking that the way our brains remember our past can be so different, and that their memories are, well, kind of abnormal.  But it also made my dd feel good to actually read about it and understand her own way of remembering better.

Does anyone else have abnormal ways of remembering the past?

 

 

Edited November 16, 2018 by J-rap

[Beaniemom]

This article could be written about me except that not remembering bothers me sometimes.  When dd asks what she was like as a baby I don’t have an answer.  I know somethings because of photos or videos but I don’t really “remember” them. This goes for my entire life.  DH on the other hand remembers almost everything it seems.  

[maize]

I can't relive events in memory. Can most people? I have memories, but there are no clear images--sort of general impressions and vague images and yes it is more third person--I imagine the scene as if I were outside it.

Similar to the way I imagine a scene when reading--not that there is no image, but images are sort of vague and shadowy.

[rebcoola]

This is so me. My DH remembers everything from his childhood and tells all these stories.  I'm like I played soccer a lot ...

[lailasmum]

I don't have many strong memories of childhood. I remember when I was bullied, and a few other memories of difficult things but barely any of the more day to day stuff or even stuff like birthdays. I tend to have a very good memory for information and as an adult I know I'm likely to only many strong memories of experiences if they're novel and feed into my interests.

[Scarlett]

I remember everything.  Which is sometimes good and sometimes bad.

[Katy]

I've wondered about this too.  I have a friend that is like this.  She has hardly any memories, but claims she always had an easy, happy life.  I am at the opposite end of the spectrum, I remember almost everything interesting or important, and very little of the mundane.  My first memory is from prior to six months old, and I think I only remember THAT because there was an episode of Sesame Street that had a segment on memory and earliest memories "What was the first thing YOU can remember?" when I was three, and I thought back and that was the first thing.  And I definitely feel like I am time traveling in my memories.  I am back in my head, watching what happened and experiencing it just like I did the first time.

[Pawz4me]

I don't have a very good long term memory. I only remember a few bits and pieces of my own childhood. I don't have very vivid memories of any of it. DH seems to remember quite a lot and with a lot of detail. For example, we'll be talking about some historical event and he'll say he remembers writing a paper about it in sixth grade. And I struggle to remember the name of my sixth grade teacher. But over the years I've learned to be a wee bit skeptical of the accuracy of his memories. Like he'll recount an incident it's very different from what his mom and one/both of his siblings remember. Granted people remember different things about any particular incident, but still . . . 

[Kareni]

15 hours ago, J-rap said:

I was reading this article the other day and showed it to my dd (and the other family members), and she couldn't believe how much it reminded her of herself:

http://www.bbc.com/future/story/20181112-severely-deficient-autobiographical-memory-is-surprisi

What a fascinating article, J-rap, and one with which I can definitely identify.

My sister (who has an excellent memory), and I were talking recently and she mentioned us having been in NZ for a trip when we were 14 and 16.  I had been convinced that our last trip there had been at ages 10 and 12.  Lo, I found a photo in my album that corroborated that later trip which I DO NOT recall at all.  My childhood memories are very sparse.  Frankly, my memory is poor overall.

I'd like to ask the woman in the article what her experience is when reading.  I do not visualize at all when reading unlike many others I've asked who have an experience akin to seeing a movie.

15 hours ago, StellaM said:

I've always wondered if it had anything to do with my inability to visualise, as I have a lot of trouble with that also. 

Likewise.

Regards,
Kareni

[rebcoola]

9 minutes ago, Kareni said:

 

I'd like to ask the woman in the article what her experience is when reading.  I do not visualize at all when reading unlike many others I've asked who have an experience akin to seeing a movie.

 

I also do not visualize while reading or anything really.

[WendyLady]

I think I'm somewhere on the spectrum of not remembering.  I do remember things from my childhood, but it's not crisp and it seems like I have to work hard to remember more than just a few snippets.  My sister, on the other hand, remembers everything!  She especially seems to remember events where I did embarrassing or stupid things, and she tends to bring those events up whenever we see each other.  It is frustrating to spend time with her, because she is sure to bring up something from our childhood where I look ridiculous, and I can't think of anything that she did to top it, though I'm (mostly) sure that we both did silly and embarrassing things!  I mean, I know we had a happy childhood, and I remember the broad brush-strokes, but who said what to grandma at a family reunion when I was 7 just doesn't stick for me. 

My oldest daughter also has a very sharp memory and remembers vivid details of events that I barely remember, even from toddlerhood, but again, she tends to bring up the mostly negative memories. 

So I have wondered if I don't have strong memories because I am a really positive person and tend to not dwell on past hurts? That at least makes me feel better about myself!!

 

[cintinative]

Thank you for posting, OP.

I had never heard of this before, but I definitely have something on this spectrum. I have often wondered why I remember so very little of my childhood and now that my kids are entering their teens, why I remember so very little of their young lives. I joke it is because I was so sleep-deprived (which is certainly true). Now I am concerned I should have made notes in a journal over the years about their childhood.

[Bluegoat]

I seem to have a pretty strong memory of the past.  I don't remember everything from my childhood, maybe a bit more than average in terms of incidents, but I remember quite a lot more than usual about what I thought and felt about what was going on.

I also remember more than is usual the few times I was given drugs that normally make people forgetful.  When I had my wisdom teeth out for example, they gave me a valium drip with a little morphine, and told me I wouldn't remember much - I remember the whole thing in detail.

The last few years I feel like i'm not remembering new things or some periods of my life quite as well as I used to.  My high school years for example seem less accessible, or when dd13 was a baby I don't have as many clear memories.  It's feels pretty weird actually.

[Bluegoat]

Oh, I am very much a visual spatial thinker, most concepts to me are things I picture as an image, and my recall of concepts is related to a visual set of relationships between the concepts that exists in my mind.

Things like lists that seem random, I struggle with.  So vocab in another language can be quite difficult for me.

[Kareni]

4 hours ago, WendyLady said:

My sister, on the other hand, remembers everything!  She especially seems to remember events where I did embarrassing or stupid things...

I'm fortunate that my sister doesn't use her excellent memory to embarrass me as I'm sure I did many a foolish thing.  Or maybe not; I can't remember!  I sometimes ask her about things that happened when we were children, so I'm glad to have her memories at my disposal.  My husband also serves as a second memory for me.

3 hours ago, happysmileylady said:

I have very clear memories of quite a bit of my childhood,   ... we moved a lot, ...I sometimes wonder if having those sorts of things as "benchmarks" has helped. ...

I too moved a lot growing up (often every year or so); unfortunately, those benchmarks do not seem to have helped in my case.  Or perhaps they have and my memory would have been even more poor.

Regards,
Kareni

[Guest]

Fascinating! I am not like this at all. I remember rich detail and conversations. (Alternately, I have a rich imagination and I only *think* these are my memories...)

I can pull up actual feelings for some memories. I am also one of those sappy people who cry over books, songs and movies because I can very much access those experiences. Heck, I cry over posts on here sometimes because I can really “feel” you people’s sorrows when your doggies die or your kid is rejected by a friend. 

[Guest]

2 minutes ago, StellaM said:

 

Oh, that's so interesting. I have no emotion memories, other than narrated ones: "I was happy".  - but the narration doesn't come with the feeling, or even an echo of the feeling.

Until last year, when I discoverd people actually DO see images in their minds' eye when they visualise, I didn't realise there was anything non standard about my brain. 

 

So interesting!

I was just telling dh about a pair of snow gloves my sister got for Christmas when we were kids. I could imagine the gloves on my hands; it was practically as if they were on my hands and I could “see” them on my hands. I remember being disappointed and somewhat jealous because she got gloves but I didn’t. I don’t remember it in narration. I remember it as that feeling of disappointment, as if I am right now asking, “Why did she get gloves but I did not?” 

This is probably why I am so neurotic! Lol! 

[lailasmum]

I was thinking about this further. I'm still very much a visual thinker. I visualise for information and I visualise when I'm reading but just doesn't seem to be something I do with those old memories. I have foggy snapshots of certain things but nothing like other aspects of my memory. It's really interesting how it's different.

[Junie]

15 hours ago, WendyLady said:

I think I'm somewhere on the spectrum of not remembering.  I do remember things from my childhood, but it's not crisp and it seems like I have to work hard to remember more than just a few snippets.  My sister, on the other hand, remembers everything!  She especially seems to remember events where I did embarrassing or stupid things, and she tends to bring those events up whenever we see each other.  It is frustrating to spend time with her, because she is sure to bring up something from our childhood where I look ridiculous, and I can't think of anything that she did to top it, though I'm (mostly) sure that we both did silly and embarrassing things!  I mean, I know we had a happy childhood, and I remember the broad brush-strokes, but who said what to grandma at a family reunion when I was 7 just doesn't stick for me. 

My oldest daughter also has a very sharp memory and remembers vivid details of events that I barely remember, even from toddlerhood, but again, she tends to bring up the mostly negative memories. 

So I have wondered if I don't have strong memories because I am a really positive person and tend to not dwell on past hurts? That at least makes me feel better about myself!!

 

I don't have the best memory, but I do remember quite a few things from my childhood.

My sister, though, had a traumatic brain injury a few years ago and lost many memories.  This means that almost all of her childhood memories have to come from me.  I try to be very selective in what I tell her and only tell her the things that she would want to remember.

[J-rap]

On 11/15/2018 at 11:41 PM, StellaM said:

Yeah, I don't think mine is that severe, but the feeling of things having happened in the third person - that describes my memories. I do have memories which I can sort of narrate to myself, but I'm telling myself a story, I'm not actually feeling a sense of 'memory time travel'. 

I've always wondered if it had anything to do with my inability to visualise, as I have a lot of trouble with that also. 

There's a very common creative writing exercise where you list some favourite smells, and then use them to conjure up a memory to write about. It doesnt work for me. I don't 'remember' scents, although I know which ones I prefer, and none of them are linked to a memory.

 

(sorry...  I was on the road traveling yesterday!)   I wouldn't be surprised if part of it is visualizing.  Or even if you have that ability now, maybe you didn't then?  I don't have a super strong smell memory, but now and then a smell conjures up something.  

Funnily, I have another daughter who seems to have a super memory!  She remembers the oddest little details from her youngest days.  They're often things that really aren't important at all.  She'll sometimes feel bothered when -- for example, she might be introduced to someone at a social event today who she actually remembers standing next to and chatting with for a minute while in line at a grocery store 5 years ago  -- and they don't remember her!  ha

[J-rap]

On 11/15/2018 at 11:47 PM, Beaniemom said:

This article could be written about me except that not remembering bothers me sometimes.  When dd asks what she was like as a baby I don’t have an answer.  I know somethings because of photos or videos but I don’t really “remember” them. This goes for my entire life.  DH on the other hand remembers almost everything it seems.  

I remember a lot of details and events from my past, while my dh doesn't at all, but he has always had the attitude of, "Why should he?  Those are over and done."  Maybe as long as one person remembers, that's good enough!

[J-rap]

On 11/16/2018 at 12:21 AM, maize said:

I can't relive events in memory. Can most people? I have memories, but there are no clear images--sort of general impressions and vague images and yes it is more third person--I imagine the scene as if I were outside it.

Similar to the way I imagine a scene when reading--not that there is no image, but images are sort of vague and shadowy.

I can relive events, as though they're happening again -- I mean, in order from beginning to end and taking in various things while I do it and remembering how I felt at the time too - but it's still more shadowy without all the details.  Images aren't clear like pictures, although usually I can bring back into focus specific faces, etc. when I want to -- though I have to work at it a little. 

[J-rap]

21 hours ago, lailasmum said:

I don't have many strong memories of childhood. I remember when I was bullied, and a few other memories of difficult things but barely any of the more day to day stuff or even stuff like birthdays. I tend to have a very good memory for information and as an adult I know I'm likely to only many strong memories of experiences if they're novel and feed into my interests.

This makes sense to me.  It's probably more the way my dh's memories work too.  

[J-rap]

18 hours ago, Katy said:

I've wondered about this too.  I have a friend that is like this.  She has hardly any memories, but claims she always had an easy, happy life.  I am at the opposite end of the spectrum, I remember almost everything interesting or important, and very little of the mundane.  My first memory is from prior to six months old, and I think I only remember THAT because there was an episode of Sesame Street that had a segment on memory and earliest memories "What was the first thing YOU can remember?" when I was three, and I thought back and that was the first thing.  And I definitely feel like I am time traveling in my memories.  I am back in my head, watching what happened and experiencing it just like I did the first time.

Wow, 6 months old!  I have a memory of me sitting in my mother's lap and her opening a present for me while I watched, and even have a shadow memory of the gift.  I remember looking around at the people there while sitting safely in my mother's lap.  (I can't remember any specific people.)  I asked my mother once about that memory (and naming the gift), and she said that was my first birthday!  

[J-rap]

17 hours ago, Pawz4me said:

I don't have a very good long term memory. I only remember a few bits and pieces of my own childhood. I don't have very vivid memories of any of it. DH seems to remember quite a lot and with a lot of detail. For example, we'll be talking about some historical event and he'll say he remembers writing a paper about it in sixth grade. And I struggle to remember the name of my sixth grade teacher. But over the years I've learned to be a wee bit skeptical of the accuracy of his memories. Like he'll recount an incident it's very different from what his mom and one/both of his siblings remember. Granted people remember different things about any particular incident, but still . . . 

That part of memory is interesting too, how it can be different than another person's, or just plain wrong -- yet we're so convinced that we're right!  One time one of my dd's told me she remembered when I gave her a time-out when she was about three years old, and made her sit on the couch for an entire afternoon!  haha   She was absolutely convinced this happened!  Of course I never in my wildest moments ? would have done that!  It was probably for 5 minutes, but in her mind it felt like eternity.  (Fortunately I was able to corroborate my version with an older child!)  That also shows you how much emotions can play into what we remember and how we remember them.

[J-rap]

17 hours ago, Kareni said:

What a fascinating article, J-rap, and one with which I can definitely identify.

My sister (who has an excellent memory), and I were talking recently and she mentioned us having been in NZ for a trip when we were 14 and 16.  I had been convinced that our last trip there had been at ages 10 and 12.  Lo, I found a photo in my album that corroborated that later trip which I DO NOT recall at all.  My childhood memories are very sparse.  Frankly, my memory is poor overall.

I'd like to ask the woman in the article what her experience is when reading.  I do not visualize at all when reading unlike many others I've asked who have an experience akin to seeing a movie.

Likewise.

Regards,
Kareni

The visualization part really is interesting.  I would guess that that's part of it, at least for some people.

Speaking of that, my dh has a brain injury which prevents him from visualizing words.  But, he often needs to see a word now in order to remember how to move his mouth to speak it out loud.  Since he can't "see" the word in his mind, he writes it down.  Then he can say it out loud.  I finally realized that he wrote it down because he could no longer visualize a word in his mind.  We're doing exercises now to try and build that up again.  Occasionally now, he's able to "see" a word in his head.  When he does, he can say it without writing it down.  It's a tough thing to build up though.

Anyway, it's because of that that I've realized how key visualizing things internally can be.

[J-rap]

17 hours ago, StellaM said:

I don't visualise at all while reading either. I never have a mental picture of characters or settings.

 

I always have a mental picture of people and settings when I read, but it's shadowy, unless I intentionally work at it.

[J-rap]

17 hours ago, WendyLady said:

I think I'm somewhere on the spectrum of not remembering.  I do remember things from my childhood, but it's not crisp and it seems like I have to work hard to remember more than just a few snippets.  My sister, on the other hand, remembers everything!  She especially seems to remember events where I did embarrassing or stupid things, and she tends to bring those events up whenever we see each other.  It is frustrating to spend time with her, because she is sure to bring up something from our childhood where I look ridiculous, and I can't think of anything that she did to top it, though I'm (mostly) sure that we both did silly and embarrassing things!  I mean, I know we had a happy childhood, and I remember the broad brush-strokes, but who said what to grandma at a family reunion when I was 7 just doesn't stick for me. 

My oldest daughter also has a very sharp memory and remembers vivid details of events that I barely remember, even from toddlerhood, but again, she tends to bring up the mostly negative memories. 

So I have wondered if I don't have strong memories because I am a really positive person and tend to not dwell on past hurts? That at least makes me feel better about myself!!

 

 I think being positive in the present and not dwelling on past hurts is a very good trait to have!

[J-rap]

13 hours ago, Bluegoat said:

Oh, I am very much a visual spatial thinker, most concepts to me are things I picture as an image, and my recall of concepts is related to a visual set of relationships between the concepts that exists in my mind.

Things like lists that seem random, I struggle with.  So vocab in another language can be quite difficult for me.

I'd say this is true for me too.  The most traumatic events in my life (not that I've had a lot -- but a few) I usually remember as some kind of an image.  It might be an image that would make no sense at all to anyone else, but to me it contains the whole story.

[Martha in GA]

Quote

Funnily, I have another daughter who seems to have a super memory!  She remembers the oddest little details from her youngest days.  They're often things that really aren't important at all.  She'll sometimes feel bothered when -- for example, she might be introduced to someone at a social event today who she actually remembers standing next to and chatting with for a minute while in line at a grocery store 5 years ago  -- and they don't remember her!  ha

 

Yeah, I have one of those. She was in a speech class with a girl she played UPWARDS soccer with in 2nd grade, and she was disappointed because the girl didn't remember her at all! And then the girl called her by the wrong name later, after she had talked to her several times, and my dd was very upset. I tried to explain to her that we don't all have her incredible memory : )

[J-rap]

1 hour ago, Junie said:

I don't have the best memory, but I do remember quite a few things from my childhood.

My sister, though, had a traumatic brain injury a few years ago and lost many memories.  This means that almost all of her childhood memories have to come from me.  I try to be very selective in what I tell her and only tell her the things that she would want to remember.

My sister developed epilepsy around age 10, and from between then and probably her mid-20's (when it was finally better controlled), she has very few memories.  My mother always said her own brain held all of my sister's memories during those years too, so she could tell her all about her first boyfriend in high school, the fun things she did, etc.  (And she did tell her all of those things!)

[J-rap]

12 minutes ago, Martha in GA said:

Yeah, I have one of those. She was in a speech class with a girl she played UPWARDS soccer with in 2nd grade, and she was disappointed because the girl didn't remember her at all! And then the girl called her by the wrong name later, after she had talked to her several times, and my dd was very upset. I tried to explain to her that we don't all have her incredible memory : )

Ha, that's so funny!  It sounds just like my dd.  ? 

[mumto2]

13 hours ago, Kareni said:

I'm fortunate that my sister doesn't use her excellent memory to embarrass me as I'm sure I did many a foolish thing.  Or maybe not; I can't remember!  I sometimes ask her about things that happened when we were children, so I'm glad to have her memories at my disposal.  My husband also serves as a second memory for me.

I too moved a lot growing up (often every year or so); unfortunately, those benchmarks do not seem to have helped in my case.  Or perhaps they have and my memory would have been even more poor.

Regards,
Kareni

I have really clear memories and like you moved a lot, mainly between two fixed places so that probably makes it easier.  Many years I had three teachers so many of my memories are fixed on who was my teacher when x happened.  I kept my mom’s diaries when she died mainly in part because my brother’s tell me I am wrong frequently.......mom defended me with the diaries.  ?  In most of my earliest  memories I am 3.

DH’s memory is pretty bad about childhood.  He can remember things about specific big events like his trip to Disney World when it first opened (We may have been there the same day, weird) but he has never been able to tell me the name of his one second grade teacher.  Only important because I knew a woman who swore she had been that teacher......had great hubby stories that sounded right.  His personality is not at all like his brother’s and we met at 14.  He didn’t think he knew her,  none of his family knew.  Three boys all going to the same neighborhood school and a teacher who taught there for 30 plus years, same grade.....no one knew if they had her.  His mother was clueless if anyone had her.....His dad remembered her at least but was deemed not creditable by everyone else because he hadn’t been the one to go to school things.  ?

My kid’s childhood memories are not what I had hoped for.  I am so glad I have tons of pictures.

@Margaret in CO  So sorry about the alternate memories.  My Dad had memory issues related to his strokes that produced an alternate history of our life and I am sending lots of hugs. A humorous example....... One day he had a long conversation with our neighbor about breeding Westies.  My parents were babysitting my brother’s dog who my dad had previously sort of tolerated,  not “a real dog” comments were frequent from him regarding that dog.   Suddenly he loved Westies and knew a whole lot about them, neighbor believed every word.  He was a new neighbor btw.  My dad was an avid outdoorsman and had many hunting dogs, big dogs, and never intentionally breed them and suddenly we had lived with a house full of westies for years.  The alternate dad was hard on everyone but especially my mom.  Big hugs......

Edited November 17, 2018 by mumto2

[J-rap]

One thing I really have a terrible memory for is movies.  I think my kids started thinking something was wrong with me when it wouldn't be until the movie was over half done  or in some cases nearly over, when I'd say, wait, haven't we seen this?  But I also think my mind often tends to wander during movies -- thinking about other things going on, planning stuff in my mind...  So probably I'm not working too hard to take in the movie in the first place.

[Bluegoat]

2 hours ago, J-rap said:

That part of memory is interesting too, how it can be different than another person's, or just plain wrong -- yet we're so convinced that we're right!  One time one of my dd's told me she remembered when I gave her a time-out when she was about three years old, and made her sit on the couch for an entire afternoon!  haha   She was absolutely convinced this happened!  Of course I never in my wildest moments ? would have done that!  It was probably for 5 minutes, but in her mind it felt like eternity.  (Fortunately I was able to corroborate my version with an older child!)  That also shows you how much emotions can play into what we remember and how we remember them.

 

I had a memory which I was sure was true, and then one day I thought - you know, that might have been a dream. I have no idea why I suddenly thought that, it was years later. So I looked into it - I remembered being at a lecture at my college by a famouse philosopher.  It turned out the guy had never visited there.