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Guardianship over a parent? Or some way to protect them?


DesertBlossom
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Nobody prepares you for how to deal with an aging parent. Oof.

Does anyone have any experience with getting guardianship over a vulnerable parent? Or taking over their finances to protect their assets? Long story short, my dad is very vulnerable and us kids (7 of us who get along very well) are trying to figure out the best way to help him and protect him. 

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we got my mom to sign off on dh caretaking her finances while she was still "with it".   she was happy to be relieved of doing it.   (she had gotten herself into such a mess, dh wasn't sure if he could fix it.  and he spent years dealing with this type of stuff.)   I got medical power of attorney at the same time.

the condition of the parent matters.

if they are "out of it" - you have to get their dr on board.

talk to your local senior services.  they should be able to advise you for the laws in your area.   if your parent is hospitalized - a hospital social worker should be able to help you, or at least point you in the right direction for your area.

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38 minutes ago, Patty Joanna said:

I don't know.  No experience.  But I remember there was something here about if you assume guardianship, you also assume financial responsibility.  I wonder if what you want is a Power of Attorney, both financial and medical.  That keeps you separate financially.  I don't know what kind of vulnerability you are talking about, though, so I'm talking through my hat to some degree.  

 

My brother does have power of attorney. But he says (and he's an attorney) at any point my dad could say "I no longer want you acting as power of attorney" and he'd technically have to abide by that. We had a situation recently where my dad welcomed a very sketchy person into his home and we were all in a panic for a bit, because the more we protested, the more theatrically he welcomed this person. Thankfully they had a falling out and sketchy person left, but it's left us all pretty worried as sketchy person could return at any time and we have no idea what my dad would do.

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13 minutes ago, gardenmom5 said:

we got my mom to sign off on dh caretaking her finances while she was still "with it".   she was happy to be relieved of doing it.   (she had gotten herself into such a mess, dh wasn't sure if he could fix it.  and he spent years dealing with this type of stuff.)   I got medical power of attorney at the same time.

the condition of the parent matters.

if they are "out of it" - you have to get their dr on board.

talk to your local senior services.  they should be able to advise you for the laws in your area.   if your parent is hospitalized - a hospital social worker should be able to help you, or at least point you in the right direction for your area.

We have taken over paying all his bills from his accounts, because he doesn't remember to do it. Ever. But he's definitely not out of it. That what makes this so difficult. He is having some memory problems and weird age-related behaviors. We'd need to have him on board with what we're doing, because I don't know if a judge would see him at incompetent at this point. 

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He has developed some paranoia, particularly over my brother with PoA. The rest of us trust this brother completely and have reassured him many times.  But the sketchy person that recently visited was telling him things like his elderly neighbors were robbed blind by their kids-- which is not helping my dad's paranoia. Sketchy person we think was hoping to move in and become caretaker for my dad (who lives alone), which would have been a dangerous situation, to say the least.

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We did this for dh's grandmother. I don't know if it differs by state. We had to go through an attorney and go before a judge because she was being deemed mentally incompetent due to her mental health. We were given a conservatorship (which gave us the ability to make financial decisions) and a guardianship (authority over medical and legal matters). Once all of her funds had been dispersed and dealt with she qualified for Medicaid, and then we ended the conservatorship but continued the guardianship. While under the conservatorship, we had to get bonded and had to file reports to the court (can't remember how often) updating what we were doing. It was stressful, and I was very glad when we were done with that part. Had there been a different way to do it, we would have chosen it. A simple power of attorney is a much better option if it fits your circumstances. I don't know if everyone who does this has to get bonded or if it was unique to us because of our age at the time. Dh was only mid-twenties and I was early twenties. There was no other family willing to do it though. 

There were no other options in her case because she was a paranoid schizophrenic who had functioned well all her life until dementia began to creep in. Things got ugly fast, and she needed a certain type of facility that she could only have access to if she was on Medicaid. It was one of those frustrating things where she had too much money but not enough at the same time. 

 

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24 minutes ago, Seasider too said:

 

 If he is having memory issues to the extent that he cannot handle his personal financial affairs reliably, you (your brother) may have good cause to invoke the power of attorney. He would need to speak with the elder’s primary care physician to see if a neurological assessment has ever been conducted. First step is to make sure brother is listed on dad’s HIPPA paperwork with the physician’s  office so they can actually speak with him. 

I had to creep on eggshells through the process of getting a neurologist’s evaluation and establishing when I could fully engage my POA privileges. It is a bit of a dance, but it sounds like your elder may be there if he’s already incompetent to handle money. That is considered one of the activities of independent living (IADLs). 

Your brother is an attorney, but is he an elder care attorney? He may need some counsel of his own to walk through this properly. 

 But I agree with Patty Joanna, pretty sure that you do not want legal guardianship, the POA arrangement really does help keep you separated and not responsible for financial issues that may come up (aside from simply making decisions on your father‘s behalf).

Brother is a totally different kind of attorney so we will need other counsel. We are looking into that. Dad's PCP is also a family friend so he will have some idea of the bigger picture. I know he has not had a numerological exam. Maybe I will contact the doctor and see what his advice is. 

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17 minutes ago, Seasider too said:

 

This is not only dangerous, it can cause you to lose the estate as he may end up having homesteading rights if he lives there long enough pursuant to your father’s death.  He can earn your father's ear and gaslight him into exactly what he may already be thinking, that his own children aren’t trustworthy. Scammers do this kind of thing all the time,  especially people of the opposite sex who can exert a wider variety of influential methods over the person they are taking advantage of.  

We had something sort of similar going on and the best remedy was to make ourselves very very present in the parent’s home, because the other party cannot get settled and comfortable when there is a lot of traffic in and out of the house keeping an eye on things. Not sure if that is something you’re able to do in your situation, but it’s not a bad strategy while you are working out the legal business.  

We were totally freaked out by the situation. Two years ago we had to deal with evicting this particular sketchy person from a family property after he (I am not exxagerating) turned it into a homeless shelter for his druggy friends and caused significant damage. Which is why it was so baffling that my dad, who previously held significant resentment towards him over that issue, welcomed him into his home. We made ourselves very present during his several day stay, and he knew that we did not want him there. We were discussing drastic interventions when sketchy person up and left town, thankfully. But we are all very concerned about my dad's behavior.

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