HSing while ___ <insert major life event here>

[Targhee]

Ok, I have done homeschooling while moving, homeschooling without partner (deployments), homeschooling with a newborn (and a deployment, oi!), homeschooling through extended temporary housing, homeschooling while some are in public school - each time we didn’t do a lot but we got in the essentials and they were free to explore interests.  But, we are currently building a house and school for my youngest is just not getting done.  

We aren’t building it with our own hands, but we are doing a custom house (without the help of a designer) that is requiring lots of on-sight trouble-shooting, trips to showrooms, pouring over catalogs (I’m the type who researches a ton before decision making - who knew there were so many things to consider in toilets!), conversations with the builder... it is usurping my entire decision making capacity, and most of my time. DH works shift work and isn’t often available to help.  I have one kid in full time public, one takes 2 classes at school and 3 online (only has English with me, but still needs supervision/redirecting), one who is 3/4 time at the college DE (the rest at home, but she’s dealing with some heavy emotional stuff too and needs lots of time/support), and then the youngest who is entirely homeschooled. Currently three have outside music lessons, and three have outside church youth group activities - we cut all sports and drama.  I don’t feel like anything else can give.

So, I am not desperate - this is OUR choice to build the house and I am grateful we can do it, and I feel a little guilty even posting this because there are plenty of people out there going through much harder things, and not by choice - but I need some suggestions? reassurance? My youngest is a lovely child, cooperative and positive, but she’s lonely and not learning much because I’m so busy.  Her next closest sibling at home during the day is 13 year old brother, and he’s pretty much doing his own thing.  When all my kids were younger and big life events happened the three school-aged oldest had each other to play learning games with, to read to each other, to even just play cooperatively together.  Youngest has had far too much of “educational games” on the tablet or “educational shows.” They’re all solitary things. ? 

I guess maybe this is a vent? An admission of guilt? I don’t know, but if you have any suggestions on how to meet her social and learning needs for a few more months until we’re done I’d love to hear it.

Edited November 5, 2018 by Targhee

[HomeAgain]

That sounds rough!  Is there a rec center/Boys & Girls club she can go to in the afternoons?  That would meet social time, plus they usually have homework time so something would be getting done every day.  If not, I'd be inclined to hire a temporary nanny to take on the social aspect each day and take her to homeschool things.

[PeterPan]

She's 7. What if you just put her on the bus for the rest of the school year? I mean, seriously. I built a house and I don't think think it's horrific to be distracted or let her read for a year as long as she's socially typical. But we're coming up on Christmas, fun stuff, and she's at sort of a harmless age where school for a few months might be kinda fun. It would be that whimsical other idea sort of.

Can you up your ante on masterful play, audiobooks, that kind of thing? My ds has autism, so if I let him do videos on his tablet, etc. too much I lose him. I do it in a car for long drives, but at home he's gonna be doing something more active, even if it's just like outside or legos or some kind of kit. What does she like to do? Can you go to Hobby Lobby with her and pick out a ridiculous number of cool new things for her to try? Has she done loom knitting? Does she have a sewing machine? Start her with paper to trace lines but after that let her sew. There are tons of girl kits for lego. Has she done Snap Circuits yet? Anything Timberdoodle sells will be excellent. Or buy puzzles from https://www.libertypuzzles.com/wooden-jigsaw-puzzles  and they'll be so beautiful everyone will be playing with her!! Puzzles are stellar for the brain and my friend with a phd said her mom had her kids do them devotedly. I think a year of amazing puzzles could definitely be school. 

Don't feel guilty about not doing academics. As long as she's doing something active and not stagnating, she's fine. Turn on audiobooks while she does puzzles and by spring she's gonna blow you away. You can get Great Courses from Audible. She'll know more history and science than anyone in the house. 

[PeterPan]

PS. Do you need new series of books for her? Does she read? That's the other way I covered my butt when life would intervene with my dd. Has she read the Sam Campbell series? Timberdoodle used to sell them and my dd loved them a lot. Living Forest Series Set Volumes 1-12 (Living Forest, Boxed Set of Volumes 1-12)

Trying to think of other series here. Depends on if she's a strong reader. If she is, all the fairy tale recommends from WTM for gr 4 or 5 (I forget) will work. Anything from the VP catalog for lit will work.

Have you thought about the VP self-paced classes? Again, very fun. The BJU online science is pretty good too. They usually run a sale in November-ish and it will be maybe $95 for an online course. She could do that and bang out a year of history this coming semester and it would be fun and independent.

PPS. Do you have a grandma to send her to for the day once a week? That's another thing I did with my dd, starting around that age. I'd send her with a project book like napkin folding and they'd work on it together. 

Edited November 5, 2018 by PeterPan

[Targhee]

4 hours ago, HomeAgain said:

That sounds rough!  Is there a rec center/Boys & Girls club she can go to in the afternoons?  That would meet social time, plus they usually have homework time so something would be getting done every day.  If not, I'd be inclined to hire a temporary nanny to take on the social aspect each day and take her to homeschool things.

Thanks for the suggestions! We don’t have a Boys and Girls Club, or a Y or anything.  It’s a smallish town (30k) with nothing else for 50 miles.  And the homeschooling community isn’t very strong.  I do teach a little homeschool once a week with two other moms. It’s only an hour, but we hang out afterwards for a while. Perhaps I will look into a nanny or a grandma day (if she can handle it - she gets exhausted easily and my SIL using them a lot for backup day care). 

[Targhee]

4 hours ago, PeterPan said:

She's 7. What if you just put her on the bus for the rest of the school year? I mean, seriously. I built a house and I don't think think it's horrific to be distracted or let her read for a year as long as she's socially typical. But we're coming up on Christmas, fun stuff, and she's at sort of a harmless age where school for a few months might be kinda fun. It would be that whimsical other idea sort of.

<snipped>

Don't feel guilty about not doing academics. As long as she's doing something active and not stagnating, she's fine. Turn on audiobooks while she does puzzles and by spring she's gonna blow you away. You can get Great Courses from Audible. She'll know more history and science than anyone in the house. 

So she did half day K last year, and asked to homeschool this year.  She doesn’t want to go back to school (even with all the crazy that has left her working alone a lot).  It would be nice to have all the school activities, but I think it best we don’t put another big change out there at this time (we are moving soon, new neighborhood, new church, etc).

Thanks for the reassurance.  I guess I know she’ll be OK academically. I suppose I’m more concerned that I’m not attending to her, and her siblings aren’t available to her, and I can see she’s lost a little bit of her sparkle. I do sometimes put on audiobooks - thanks for the reminder! - and we work side by side on things, but that is not quite the same as working together on things.  Maybe I should stop insisting that our limited time together is working on math and reading/writing, and instead make it all the fun stuff? I haven’t done Morning Basket with her in a month ? But maybe THAT should be the essentials for the next few months and let Math and reading/writing go?

And she is now asking for the iPad all the time - age’s trying to fill her needs with the screen and that is not a good habit to indulge, especially in a growing mind. I don’t let her have it all the time, but every time she asks I feel the mom guilt.

[Targhee]

7 hours ago, PeterPan said:

PS. Do you need new series of books for her? Does she read? That's the other way I covered my butt when life would intervene with my dd. Has she read the Sam Campbell series? Timberdoodle used to sell them and my dd loved them a lot. Living Forest Series Set Volumes 1-12 (Living Forest, Boxed Set of Volumes 1-12)

<snipped>

PPS. Do you have a grandma to send her to for the day once a week? That's another thing I did with my dd, starting around that age. I'd send her with a project book like napkin folding and they'd work on it together. 

Thanks for the book series suggestion! I will look at them. She’s an emerging reader - currently reading Frog and Toad stories. She hasn’t yet got to the point of reading for pleasure, but maybe with the right books.  My older three are all 2e, and though elementary years were a lot of chaos surfing they were all highly driven to read, do puzzles, experiment with things. I could turn them loose with things and they would take off! This one is a great average student, and our days are a lot more peaceful than with older siblings, but she is not very driven academically.

We DO have a Gma and Gpa not too far away. I might be able to convince them to take her for an afternoon once a week. But, I KNOW they will just turn the TV on and give her otter pops and chocolate milks while they do other things ? At least that’s what happened in the past, even if I sent a workbook or a book to read together.

Edited November 6, 2018 by Targhee

[frogger]

1 hour ago, Targhee said:

  Maybe I should stop insisting that our limited time together is working on math and reading/writing, and instead make it all the fun stuff? I haven’t done Morning Basket with her in a month ? But maybe THAT should be the essentials for the next few months and let Math and reading/writing go?

 

 

 

Yes! I have one this year where my main focus is doing something he wants. Sometimes that's a board game or baking cookies or reading silly poems but I try to make sure that happens first. This isn't always my first priority but sometimes it needs to be.

[PeterPan]

1 hour ago, Targhee said:

We DO have a Gma and Gpa not too far away. I might be able to convince them to take her for an afternoon once a week.

My MIL taught my dd to grocery shop, and that's pretty useful!  Do they have hobbies or play bridge or anything they could teach her?

1 hour ago, Targhee said:

I haven’t done Morning Basket with her in a month

Yes, you'd get a lot of mileage out of your morning basket. I do mine with ds right in his room as soon as he wakes up. It's really the only time he's contained, lol. Sometimes we do reading at night, so that might be another idea for your reading instruction, to tie it to bedtime.

[katilac]

It sounds like one problem is letting the building chores suck up all available time, so you need to make less time available. Make a schedule for uninterrupted times with dd and treat it like any other appointment. If you were talking to one worker, you wouldn't be talking to another; if you were at the doctor, you wouldn't be talking to the builder. Treat it exactly like that. Leave the house if that helps and turn down your phone. 

That's the first thing I would do. Then I would see if it's possible to crank up some long playdates for dd on a regular basis, like an afternoon at someone's house at least once a week. I'd pay because it will be an ongoing thing. You can also check daycares. If options are so limited, I'm guessing some of them do afterschool care. A plain old babysitter is also an option, or mother's helper. A teen girl could do either of those, and young girls usually love hanging out with older girls. Consider it part of the house building expense ?

In short, time with you and time with someone else, every single day (could be family time on weekends). 

 

[fairfarmhand]

Why not set aside one hour in the morning that is just time for this kid. I bet her sparkle will come back. And guard that time religiously. Most decisions for anything can wait for one hour. 

And I am a researcher. But I too often get bogged down researching too much. It helps if I set deadlines for myself. “I will only research toilets for one hour before I decide.” I’m much more efficient that way.

[...................]

I would definitely try to stop the ipad use, except during illness...

Have you asked her if she'd like to go back to school, since this year has been rather lonely?  Maybe just open up a conversation about it. Maybe she will surprise you.

Is she in any extra curriculars?  this is a lovely time to start dance, gymnastics, soccer, she's not too old for starting any new sports, and young enough that she might actually find a passion and end up really into it.  A lot of Karate places have after school programs they can go to for several hours that even serve snacks and have homework and play time.  Even though your town is smallish, 30K is not miniscule and I am sure there is some kind of dance, gymnastics, karate...something? Growing up our small town had dance and baton twirling (weird but true), and baseball, girl scouts and boy scouts....even small towns have something.

[frogger]

When I had to remodel an entire house for sale, I set the mornings aside for my children. For 2 of them that meant Ovaltine and picture books for 20-30 minutes and for 2 of them it meant school work and lining out assignments and chores. I gave myself until 11 and after that it was work until dinner or midnight or whatever it took depending in my project.   There were a few days I missed when things just couldn't be scheduled otherwise and I had to leave at 8 AM or something but that was only 2-3 times out of the entire year. 

[Targhee]

2 hours ago, Calming Tea said:

I would definitely try to stop the ipad use, except during illness...

Have you asked her if she'd like to go back to school, since this year has been rather lonely?  Maybe just open up a conversation about it. Maybe she will surprise you.

Is she in any extra curriculars?  this is a lovely time to start dance, gymnastics, soccer, she's not too old for starting any new sports, and young enough that she might actually find a passion and end up really into it.  A lot of Karate places have after school programs they can go to for several hours that even serve snacks and have homework and play time.  Even though your town is smallish, 30K is not miniscule and I am sure there is some kind of dance, gymnastics, karate...something? Growing up our small town had dance and baton twirling (weird but true), and baseball, girl scouts and boy scouts....even small towns have something.

She does not want to go back to school. We have cut ipad out now to only if she has to go to an on-site meeting and I can’t have her underfoot if workers.

She plays soccer but we are off season. I plan to get her back into swim at the rec center in the next session. She does group violin class once a week, and once a week homeschool group (1 hour) plus the odd group field trip.  There is gym and dance and martial arts but our town is in a growth spurt with lots of young families and there’s a wait list for most things ? except music theater which she doesn’t want to do.  We might go back to parkour if we can swing it in our schedule. 

[bluemongoose]

When my major life event hit, DD was 8. The rest were 5, 3, and 1. Honestly, it was so so hard, I don't really remember schooling! I know I did, and she is now 14 and fine, but it was a blur! I didn't school the 5yo as he was newly 5 (in Jan) and the event began in Feb and continued through the rest of the school year.

I have also custom built a house. I was pregnant with DS 1 and DD was 2 yo...so none in school at the time, but I remember how crazy all that decision making is! BTW: Toto toilets!

All that to say, if PS isn't really an option, just do what you can. Have her practice reading to you before bed. Have her watch a nature show or history doc while you pour over things on your phone (nearby if you can). Have her do a page in math...maybe use Khan academy so she is getting instruction, if you are unable to do the instruction. Have her do a bit of copywork from a book she likes. When you are out shopping for toilets, have her help keep a running total, or figure out other easy computations with you. That would be enough to tie her over until the house is complete. If you were talking about a middle school or high school student, this would be harder...but she is young. You will have the house built in no time...it will be ok.

[...................]

Ok, it sounds like, at different times and seasons, she does have plenty of afternoon activities to jump around to, but the days are long and lonely.

In this case, I would consider maybe seeing if there's a homeschool parent with an only child who'd love your daughter's company one or two days per week?  I have a friend who had an only child and was a homeschool nanny to a family of three, two days per week, for two years.  She made money that she needed, and her daughter felt like she had brothers and sisters around.  It was a lot of work (especially with three!) But in your case, it's only one.  Is there someone you know and trust enough to step forward and ask?  You could offer them enough money to make it worth their while and your dd would not be having long quiet days. ?