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Jewelry from failed marriage


Scarlett
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I was married for 26 years so I have a fair amount.  Most of it I just kept wearing....doesn’t really bother me.....but the 1 carat solitaire ring xh gave me has me in a quandary. It is a gorgeous diamond.....but I know selling it would yield a small fraction of purchase price.  

So what did you all do with yours?

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I would sell it and not worry about the original purchase price. I didn't pay anything for it, so even if I can't get full value I'd still be better off with the cash than a piece of jewelry I am never going to wear and doesn't hold good memories for me.

Actually, I might sell the gold and keep the diamond to pass on to a kiddo.

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1 hour ago, Scarlett said:

I was married for 26 years so I have a fair amount.  Most of it I just kept wearing....doesn’t really bother me.....but the 1 carat solitaire ring xh gave me has me in a quandary. It is a gorgeous diamond.....but I know selling it would yield a small fraction of purchase price.  

So what did you all do with yours?

Give it to your son when he’s ready to propose? 

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My DH showed me his ex-finance's engagement ring (she gave it back to him).  He had the big diamond made into a necklace and the 2 smaller diamonds made into earrings for me.  I didn't mind at all -- LOL.

I am going to sell a lot of my gold from previous relationships.  I don't wear it and I can get a little spending money for it.

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I had a beautiful diamond engagement ring...  It hadn't been mine, it was from a great-uncle who willed it to me!  (It had been his wife's.)  I wore it now and then on nice occasions for several years, but then when I got married, I just wore my wedding ring and that was it.  (I don't like wearing more than one ring.)  So, I kept it in a drawer for many years.  About two years ago, my dd lost her wedding ring.  Both she and her dh were quite poor at the time (students!), and they couldn't afford a new one.  I had her pick out a simple new setting for the old diamond I had and gave it to her.  It's now her wedding ring and I feel good that I still had it to give to her. 

So, I'd recommend you hang on to it.  I know my situation is different in that mine wasn't from an ex, but you never know when it might come in handy!

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I would resell anything I don't wear. 

1 hour ago, Scarlett said:

My son may take it.  But he indicated he thought it would be weird to give a fiancé the ring from his parents failed marriage....I told him not to look at the part of it....rather it was the ring from the union that made him and who both still love him.  

 

I wouldn't want this even in a new setting, but I'm sure it depends on the person. I don't care about diamonds per se, so someone who wanted a nice bit of jewelry might think differently! 

I've seen two opposing trends lately: rings with bigger and better diamonds than you would expect for the couple, and no diamond rings or rings at all. 

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8 minutes ago, sassenach said:

Give it to your son. 

My mom gave me her jewelry from my dad and I really appreciate having it. 

 

19 minutes ago, Medicmom2.0 said:

You had a son together, right? In that case, I would keep it.  Perhaps he’d like to reset it in a necklace or a bracelet for a fiancée or daughter in the future.  I’m not sure I’d want an engagement ring from a failed marriage either, but reset in a different form of jewelry is different.

 

It is an emerald cut in a Tiffany setting.   Very simple yet striking. That style doesn’t suit every woman’s hand....but I looked around and have seen styles with that cut of diamond inserted into a band with various designs that are beautiful. 

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My mom reset her ring from my bio dad into a necklace for me.  I wear it frequently.  It is really the only thing I have from him.  He died just a few weeks after my daughter was born, and the necklace will be hers when she turns 18.  I do think putting it in an engagement ring is a bit iffy for your son; save it for something else or a granddaughter.

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I donated both my wedding dress and my diamond ring from my first marriage to a Jewish charity that helps brides in Israel who cannot afford these items. It was very freeing, and felt like a new beginning. I like to imagine those items bringing joy to some happily married woman. 

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I think that if it were me and the circumstances were the same (ie lengthy actual marriage, really bad misconduct on the part of the x--such that I would not feel I needed to return it) then I would have it made into a necklace for myself.  Because I would want to actually use it but have it be different in feel and significance.

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I'd probably throw it in Lake Powell, for reasons that would make no sense to you given our different religious backgrounds. Or, I'd trade it at the Goblin Market and make someone's day when they chance upon something valuable amongst the trinkets. 

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5 hours ago, Scarlett said:

I know right!   I imagine most girls would love to have such a nice diamond paid for....

I am not so sure. If she is the type to feel emotional about jewelry, "used diamond from MIL's failed marriage" may not make her feel the love. (If she is the type not to feel emotional about jewelry, she may not care for a diamond at all)

I would sell it.

Edited by regentrude
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I don't yet know what I will do with mine.  My engagement ring was ex h grandmother's but it is welded to the wedding band which was my great grandmother's wedding band.  Hard to separate them.  Ex h wedding band was my grandparents original wedding bands melted together into a simple band.  I don't know where that is at all.

 

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My mother gave hers to my brother, he had it reset for his then girlfriend.  They’ve been married 30+ years.  He could never have afforded that diamond.  It was generous.  His wife is not the superstitious type, she’s on the practical side, and it was perfect.

I’m not superstitious either, but I would have felt more baggage around it.

It really depends on your son.

Edited by Spryte
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Save it for your son. Maybe he wouldn't want the exact diamond but sometimes you get higher trade in value than selling it outright.  That way she can have her own ring and they can have it for free or at least a much lower cost. 

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7 hours ago, Ottakee said:

I don't yet know what I will do with mine.  My engagement ring was ex h grandmother's but it is welded to the wedding band which was my great grandmother's wedding band.  Hard to separate them.  Ex h wedding band was my grandparents original wedding bands melted together into a simple band.  I don't know where that is at all.

 

Give yourself some time, in a couple years when you aren’t quite so raw it may be easier to determine what you want to do. 

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A lot of couples are into lab-made diamonds now, because they are conflict free.  (Someone in marketing hit that one out of the park for the lab-made gemstone people!) 

I think the girl should have a say in what she wants, even if she doesn't pick the exact setting.  (I picked my setting and designed dh's ring, too.)  A natural diamond cashed in would go a long way toward financing the new ring, whatever they choose, if she doesn't want the ring or the stone outright.

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I still have my wedding rings. I have threatened to bury them and plant a tree over them, throw them into the river, or sell them and buy myself a decent dinner. I'm not even sure where they ended up when we moved, I had them buried in a different box. 

Personally, I would not have them remade or give mine to my son, he would think it was weird. I'm very sentimental and I'd have a hard time not thinking of the reasons why I divorced if they were still visible. Plus, one of the stems holding the solitaire on is bent (ironically), so it needs repair if someone wanted to use it. 

As someone who is interested in archaeology, I might end up burying them and adding a note. 

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My DHs parents are divorced.  I would not have wanted my MILs engagement ring, although I don't know that I would have wanted it even if they were still married.  All but one of my friends had a lot of say in what their engagement ring looked like, as did I.  

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5 minutes ago, ksr5377 said:

My DHs parents are divorced.  I would not have wanted my MILs engagement ring, although I don't know that I would have wanted it even if they were still married.  All but one of my friends had a lot of say in what their engagement ring looked like, as did I.  

It is a carat solitaire.so it could be made into a beautiful ring. In the end, it is  just a diamond and I am much too practical to throw it in the river or bury it.  I don’t know how she would feel,if my son said, ‘how would you feel about using a diamond my mom got from my dad’?  I suspect she is practical enough to appreciate the financial gift and to find a way to make it her own.  

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My xh gave me no jewelry of value. We were poor as church mice, and I dont care for diamonds. So my wedding ring was simple. White gold with small emeralds. And I have one emerald necklace.

My engagement ring from DH is a small red diamond from the mine in Australia that he bought while TDY there. It has no relationship to my wedding ring which is a 1 ct Ruby. (Ie I havent worn the engagement ring since we got married) Again I dont have any other valuable jewelry cause I don't care for jewelry. Plus I dont like emeralds any more because of my previous wedding ring. When my Oldest was a teenager we "traded" birthstones. He got an emerald in his class ring for my birthstone and I got an opal (his birthstone) for Christmas. (That I never wear lol). My MIL who shares my birth month, did give me an emerald ring FIL had given her once but I had to explain to her that I don't care for jewelry as gifts. 

 

All this talk of resetting stones ... reminds me of the day when my step grandmother showed me that she had reset my grandmother's (who had died, no divorce) jewelry into this and that for herself. I was so angry with her. Lol 

 

Edited by theelfqueen
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My mother gave me the pearl earrings my father bought her in the Philippines when he was in the navy.  My oldest daughter just wore them at her wedding. Mom also saved the diamond wedding band for me for high school graduation.  She saved the engagement ring for my brother so he could have the diamonds set in a wedding set when he got engaged or sell it to help pay for the wedding set when he got married, or whatever.  I don't remember which route he took.

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41 minutes ago, theelfqueen said:

My xh gave me no jewelry of value. We were poor as church mice, and I dont care for diamonds. So my wedding ring was simple. White gold with small emeralds. And I have one emerald necklace.

My engagement ring from DH is a small red diamond from the mine in Australia that he bought while TDY there. It has no relationship to my wedding ring which is a 1 ct Ruby. (Ie I havent worn the engagement ring since we got married) Again I dont have any other valuable jewelry cause I don't care for jewelry. Plus I dont like emeralds any more because of my previous wedding ring. When my Oldest was a teenager we "traded" birthstones. He got an emerald in his class ring for my birthstone and I got an opal (his birthstone) for Christmas. (That I never wear lol). My MIL who shares my birth month, did give me an emerald ring FIL had given her once but I had to explain to her that I don't care for jewelry as gifts. 

 

All this talk of resetting stones ... reminds me of the day when my step grandmother showed me that she had reset my grandmother's (who had died, no divorce) jewelry into this and that for herself. I was so angry with her. Lol 

 

Who could blame you! That was very insensitive of her .

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Even if you hadn't been divorced, styles change. Gold turned into platinum which turned into rose gold. The value of the stone and the gold itself remains.  If future DIL doesn't want that ring, have him trade it in towards whatever style the bride wants.  Last I looked, a full 1 ct solitaire was worth something approaching $4k! Make sure he knows that before he turns it down.

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9 minutes ago, Katy said:

Even if you hadn't been divorced, styles change. Gold turned into platinum which turned into rose gold. The value of the stone and the gold itself remains.  If future DIL doesn't want that ring, have him trade it in towards whatever style the bride wants.  Last I looked, a full 1 ct solitaire was worth something approaching $4k! Make sure he knows that before he turns it down.

I did tell him and I will not mention it again right now,,,jut let him think on it.  Yes it is worth about 4 k.  And also it was not my original wedding set from xh....I only had it for about 6mo before it all went sideways in the ditch.  The band itself is gold and very narrow.  I wouldn’t expect she would want that and even if she did it won’t fit her because I wear a size 5. 

I Checked with the jeweler who sold it to us and they do have a trade up plan, but you have to spend twice as much to get the trade in value.  That is just overkill imo.  I would not be in favor of that plan.  

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