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fairfarmhand

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I have a younger brother who's about 35 years old, never married, no kids. For lots of reasons, my dh and I decided he's the best choice if both of us get hit by a bus and perish. I asked my brother about this decision yesterday in text. My bother lives in Turkey in a small city in an apartment. Oh yeah, he;s legally blind and can't drive. My minor kids are 16, 13, and 10

Me: We're discussing end of life decisions. Would you consider allowing us to name you guardian of our three minor kids if dh and I kicked the bucket?

Bro: Do I get to star in a sitcom? 3 wisecracking kids and their bumbling uncle?

Me: Why yes, of course. The kids have talked about that very thing. Have you ever seen Despicable Me? Sort of the same concept. Dd 16 drives now, so you're all set. But she does get lost a lot.

Bro: Well, obviously, that is one of the story lines. The others involve ds10 getting into shenanigans as a DJ of a popular YouTube channel. Dd13 trying to set me up with the aunties of all her friends and dd 16 getting us lost everytime we go some place. It practically writes itself. But, yes, of course I would be happy for them to be my guardian. I mean. To be their guardian. I mean...you're not planning to off yourselves any time soon are you?

Me: Don't forget they come with two enormous dogs and three cats.

Bro: You're not planning on staging your own deaths so you and dh can start a new life in the Adirondacks in a Winnebago?

Me: Oooo. I hadn't thought of that. Great idea! I'll write it down.

Me: They do come with a sizeable life insurance policy.

Bro: Would that fund my dates with the ladies.

Me: Dog food. Just dog food.

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This morning I get this:

Bro: So since you brought up the idea of my being the kids' guardian, I've been plagued with ideas for the sitcom that would follow. So far, my favorites are when ds10 forgets to shut the gate for the cows and they all escape into the graveyard where they cause a ruckus by pooping on most of the gravestones. Then the episode where I start dating the attractive widowed mother of the boy that dd13 is secretly crushing on, much to her horror. Then there's teh two parter where, due to his popular youtube channel, ds10 is invited to appear on Jimmy Fallon's show. The other girls try to show off their talents so they too can be included on Jimmy Fallon. At the same time, I get arrested when I get into a fight with a Turk because I accidentally swore at his mother when trying to have a conversation.

Then there's teh running gag of when an old guy secretly checks out a book from the library with dd16's library car, the book being "A guide to a healthy prostate" and never returns it, so throughout the first seasons she keeps getting notices about the missing book that her friends always see.

Me: You forget the episodes where streams of women keep coming to date you and the kids run them off. 

Bro: We can't forget the food gags. Like the lentil soup episode and the chicken chili episode. (He's referring to the time he stayed with my kids while my dh and I went away overnight an dthe crock pot shut off, they ate the food anyway and got so sick.)

Me: Don't forget about teaching ds10 math!

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3 minutes ago, texasmom33 said:

I can see why! The two of you might have missed your calling as script writers. 

So is he inheriting the cows too, or does he have his own in the grave yard episode? 

It would be my cows. He can't fit cows in his apartment in Turkey.

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I just texted him this:

Oh! You guys go on a train tour of Europe and cause an international incident in every country you enter. And on the flight back to the us, all three kids try to smuggle 20 pound cheeses on the flight 

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Your bro is awesome!  I’ve got two more minor kids, if he wants to add more to the mix! ?

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25 minutes ago, Spryte said:

Your bro is awesome!  I’ve got two more minor kids, if he wants to add more to the mix! ?

Sure, why not. I’m dead, I don’t care. 

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Just now, fairfarmhand said:

Sure, why not. I’m dead, I don’t care. 

Or am I? The show could periodically show a couple in the mountains living in a Winnebago with the suggestion that “are the parents really dead?@

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6 minutes ago, fairfarmhand said:

Or am I? The show could periodically show a couple in the mountains living in a Winnebago with the suggestion that “are the parents really dead?@

Or.....are they secret agents!!!!!!!?????

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56 minutes ago, fairfarmhand said:

I just texted him this:

Oh! You guys go on a train tour of Europe and cause an international incident in every country you enter. And on the flight back to the us, all three kids try to smuggle 20 pound cheeses on the flight 

OMGosh, remember the I Love Lucy episode where she hid the cheese in the band instruments?

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23 minutes ago, Carol in Cal. said:

OMGosh, remember the I Love Lucy episode where she hid the cheese in the band instruments?

Yep. That exactly.

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 I think my brother should have a chance to   Guest Star on a Turkish soap opera.

(he watches Turkish soaps to improve his language fluency. There is weeping, copious weeping and melodrama.) 

I told my brother this. His response:

The Turkish soap opera will be a favorite episode which, when Ds 10 spills the beans in the upcoming season on his YouTube channel results in me getting fired, right before filming the scene where I kiss the beautiful costar.

"Relax uncle M. You still have us! " As the group gathers round me in the closing scene.

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This is how I keep in touch with my brother. We do this kind of thing over text a lot. 

We make up bizarre stories and scenarios and somehow the crazy real life situations that we get into are almost as good. We’re the kind of people that things just happen to.

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Me: (Sad soap music plays in the background) As you weep into your hands. (Weeping is a skill you have honed In practicing for the soap opera.)

Me: dh and I aren't actually dead. We're actually spies on the run because our cover has been blown and the only way to protect our family is to be dead.

bro:But you do seem to be enjoying yourselves....

Edited by fairfarmhand
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I can see why this uncle gets chosen as guardian--anyone about to take on three half grown kids needs a sense of humor!

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33 minutes ago, maize said:

I can see why this uncle gets chosen as guardian--anyone about to take on three half grown kids needs a sense of humor!

Absolutely! I have an older brother with 2 young kids and an ex wife in law who makes his life...complicated.

my dhs brothers both have three children. As my kids are the oldest of the cousins, I see how much time and energy teen need. I wouldn’t want my in laws to have to take that away from their own kids to give it to mine unless it were 100 percent unavoidable. So my brother it is. Adding to that is the fact that my brother would raise the kids as close as anyone to the way that my dh and I operate.

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The problem is that now your kids might be rooting for you to die. 

We are listed as guardian for two kids. Four more years and we're safe.

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3 minutes ago, katilac said:

The problem is that now your kids might be rooting for you to die. 

We are listed as guardian for two kids. Four more years and we're safe.

Lol. We were listed as guardians for seven kids, and the youngest just turned 18. Whew!

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Just now, Selkie said:

Lol. We were listed as guardians for seven kids, and the youngest just turned 18. Whew!

 

?

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Your brother sounds like quite the winner, fairfarmhand, with a wonderful sense of humor.  And now I'll admit that I'm wondering what he is doing in Turkey.  Teaching English?  Mission work?  CIA spy?

Regards,
Kareni

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3 hours ago, fairfarmhand said:

 I think my brother should have a chance to   Guest Star on a Turkish soap opera.

(he watches Turkish soaps to improve his language fluency. There is weeping, copious weeping and melodrama.) 

I told my brother this. His response:

The Turkish soap opera will be a favorite episode which, when Ds 10 spills the beans in the upcoming season on his YouTube channel results in me getting fired, right before filming the scene where I kiss the beautiful costar.

"Relax uncle M. You still have us! " As the group gathers round me in the closing scene.

 

These skills will come in handy at your funerals, or, fake funerals. 

What a funny and FUN famiy.

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39 minutes ago, Kareni said:

Your brother sounds like quite the winner, fairfarmhand, with a wonderful sense of humor.  And now I'll admit that I'm wondering what he is doing in Turkey.  Teaching English?  Mission work?  CIA spy?

Regards,
Kareni

Have you ever watched Get Smart? Maxwell Smart is the kind of spy my brother would be. He locked himself out of his apartment with no phone, no wallet, not even any shoes one day. Nearly Blind guy, barely speaks Turkish, locking himself out of his apartment...great spy cover!

Edited by fairfarmhand
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1 minute ago, fairfarmhand said:

Have you ever watched Get Smart? Maxwell Smart is the kind of spy my brother would be. He locked himself out of his apartment with no phone, no wallet, not even any shoes one day. Nearly Blind guy, barely speaks Turkish, locking himself out of his apartment...great spy cover!

He just needs a good 99!

But, yes, it's an excellent cover.

Regards,
Kareni

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2 hours ago, Angie in VA said:

 

 

What a funny and FUN famiy.

You should hear us when we’re together in real life. It’s a hoot.

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