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Who has moved with teenagers (esp. in school)? Can you tell me about how it went?


Janie Grace
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We don't have immediate plans to move. But I do know that starting a business is dh's dream and that we would probably need to move out of the area to do so. We have lived in our current town for almost 8 years and it feels like home to all of us; we love living here. I get emotional thinking about leaving all of our familiar people and places but I think I could do it if A. it would mean the fulfillment of a dream for dh and B. it would mean more financial security.

However, I am worried about what it looks like with kids who are teens and in schools. I know it happens all the time but I was in the same school district 1st-12th grades so it's hard for me to imagine. How long does it take a middle schooler to adjust to a new school/town/state? A high schooler? How do you know if it would be disastrous to uproot your kids? How do you help them adjust? 

And then there is college -- we have one kid paying in-state tuition and probably another soon. Is there any way for them to establish residency? Ugh, it makes my head hurt to think of it.

Any input welcome!

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As far as college residency requirements go, many colleges require 2 years of residency. If you moved, would your kids have 2 years before college or do they want to do a gap year / work year anyway?

Some online courses don't have any residency requirements at brick & mortar universities like ASU or FHSU. Community colleges may be an option for GE before transferring.

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If you move a High School student, it could be very problematic. Especially if you move from one state to another state.  I would not suggest doing that. They might need to repeat many subjects and to take and pass many examinations.   Move before they begin High School!

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We moved the summer before senior and sophomore year for my two oldest. They were homeschooled but very plugged in to an active homeschool community. We never would have moved willingly but dh had lost a job and we moved to where he found one. We didn’t feel like we had a choice.

It has been a mixed bag.The one who still had three years of high school had a harder time. The homeschool community here really wasn’t a fit and he was not able to find a sports outlet. He still had friends, went to football games, a couple of proms, etc. so he wasn’t totally alone. But he was lonely and bored and felt out of place a lot. I do think he would have made friends and settled in better if he had enrolled in public school but he chose not to at the time.

But...now they are both away at college and thriving. So it was hard in the short term but not bad in the long term at all. They have talked about the things they learned from the experience and they are both very resilient young men. And as hard as it was at times, financial security is important. It makes up for a lot of discomfort when the fianancial picture is better. 

I do feel sad at times that they didn’t have a traditional high school experience and they will never feel like where we are is “home”. They will never return here to live as adults. They come home from college to visit but they are bored and don’t have friends to go see, etc. However, we have learned lessons about family and sticking together and I do think it is sometimes good for young people to leave the security of home to pursue their opportunities. Mine have had an easier time doing that than some of the kids we see that have never moved or been away. 

As I said, it has been a mixed bag. But it has been good overall for our family and for dh’s career. It was three years of challenges while the teens finished up high school and left but the implications for career and financial picture will be long lasting. I don’t regret it.

I remind myself the teen years can be challenging even without out a move. The one of mine that struggled the most is the one that was the most contentious and snarly teen before the move. So that is surely a factor as well. He is a joy now though ?

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Generally if a student has already started as a resident in one state, they maintain that status if parents move out of state but only if enrolled continuously for fall and spring  semesters (summers don't count).

In my state, if parents move here while a student is of college age, as far as tuition goes, the student becomes a resident of this state at the beginning of the next term following the move.

 

 

 

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7 hours ago, Liz CA said:

As far as college residency requirements go, many colleges require 2 years of residency. If you moved, would your kids have 2 years before college or do they want to do a gap year / work year anyway?

Some online courses don't have any residency requirements at brick & mortar universities like ASU or FHSU. Community colleges may be an option for GE before transferring.

 

Community colleges in my state charge out of state tuition unless you have lived here a year.  

Edited by LucyStoner
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I think each state may be different regarding in-state tuition, so you would have to check. Many years ago, when we got married, I moved to a new state - and a new college. I was willing to pay out of state tuition for the first year, but when they tried to charge me out of state for the second year, I had to go petition for in-state. They granted it to me since I could prove I had moved to that state due to marriage. I'm not sure if that would work any more.

My kids are homeschooled. We moved when my oldest was starting high school. It was harder for her to find friends here because A. there aren't a great number of homeschooled teens - or maybe it is they all stay home and work on school? B. I think it is harder for teens until they are around the same teens regularly. So, I started hosting teen (by invitation) parties (games, movies, murder mysteries, escape rooms) here. That helped. Younger dd has plenty of homeschooled friends, but we moved when she was in 6th? grade and so she has grown up with many of these kids.

We moved every two years growing up, and my mom was always positive about each move - we will find good people, we will find fun stuff to do, etc. That helped so much that she was always positive. 

 

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"Most states require the student to have been a state resident for at least 12 continuous months (no breaks) prior to the student’s enrollment. The main exceptions are Alaska (24 months), Arkansas (6 months), Nebraska (no durational requirements for parents, 12 months for independent students) and Tennessee (no durational requirements). Arizona and California also have stricter requirements for independent students than for dependent students, requiring at least 24 months instead of 12 months. Massachusetts requires a full calendar year, not just 12 consecutive months."

https://www.edvisors.com/fafsa/eligibility/state-residency-requirements/

 

 

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3 hours ago, Pippen said:

Residency requirements are often different if the student relocates on their own as an independent, or relocates as a dependent with parents. 

 

That would make sense. If this applies to your situation (OP), you may not have to worry about residency if the whole family moves.

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4 hours ago, DawnM said:

What states require 2 full years before allowing in-state tuition?  I haven't heard that one before.  Yikes.

 

 

In my state, many universities do. I suppose it comes down to attendance and applications for more desirable areas and universities.

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35 minutes ago, Liz CA said:

 

In my state, many universities do. I suppose it comes down to attendance and applications for more desirable areas and universities.

 

Really?  Aren't you in CA?  All of them that I have looked at said one full year after you get your CA ID.  Granted, I haven't looked at every single school, but I was looking at some UC and Cal State schools.

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Military brat here. It sucked, at the time, multiple times.

i was pretty miserable in several locations and took it out on them daily ? 

I got over it. 

If I’d had some of the mental health struggles my own children have, it wouldn’t have turned it so well I don’t think.

 

Edited by Hilltopmom
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We moved the summer between 9th and 10th grade. The move itself wasn't a big deal to me. My family was military, so I was used to it. Except that time, my dad retired so we moved away from a military area (where kids come and go all the time and everyone is used to making new friends) to my mom's hometown (not a military city, where the kids stayed together since kindergarten) There it was difficult to break into friend circles.

The bigger issue was that nothing transferred. I was able to test into an advanced math class, but needed to repeat everything else. Since I didn't play an instrument, it was technically possible to make everything up. My sophomore year, I doubled up on science classes, which I loved and a one year age difference with the freshmen was no big deal. My junior year, I doubled up on literature. I found that year's freshmen to be immature and I hated it. I flat out refused to take freshman civics (doubling up in history) my senior year. They did let me petition into taking a different history class, still two in one year but at least it wasn't with freshmen.

I highly recommend looking into what classes will transfer. For me, only classes that i could test into (math and foreign language) transferred. If I had also played an instrument or wanted to take an art elective, it would have been impossible to graduate in three years with my agemates.

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We moved between 10th and 11th grade for my DD. The move was good for her, but we did move from Texas to a state with "easier" high school requirements for public school. I would not move a high schooler from my current state back to Texas as there would be too much that didn't count or extra courses to be taken. That might not be a concern for someone who is homeschooling. The move was not good for my DS who was only 4th grade at the time,but his issues were more with the small town we moved to and the composition of his particular grade level in school, and then the 5th grade teacher. 

i don't regret moving exactly, but all the things that make this a good place for our DD make it not so good for DS.

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We're military so we move a lot. It's one of the reasons we homeschooled. My oldest will be heading to a new physical school in Jan. (I think). She won't be able to continue her Earth Science class if she transfers because the new school doesn't offer that class but I confirmed with the staff that she'll be able to transfer into all of her other classes without issue. She's in 8th grade though an has only had one 'school' move in five years. She's in constant contact with the friends she left behind in Bahrain and is naturally optimistic. She should be able to join the rest of the rising 9th graders in choosing high school classes and applying to the STEM academy as well as meet new friends. Our intention is to stay in this new location until she graduates even if DH has to do a hear of geo-baching. My DS is also starting in a new school, probably in Dec. He won't be disadvantaged at all but that's because he's not been in a school environment since K. He's actually looking forward to being a BMOC and moving up to middle school with the kids he'll meet before school lets out.

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Military family here: We moved after our daughter’s freshman year of homeschooling to a smaller Christian High School in NOVA. For her, it was a good move. Her last homeschooling friend on base had moved and I sensed she was lonely. Even though, she was in co-op classes, she didn’t make friends. She’s also very much an introvert, which does make it more challenging. Anyway, she asked to attend a traditional school. She found her niche among the kids and made some great friends. For her, the lost of her church youth group was much harder. It’s a hard decision and I’ve seen much parental guilt about moving during the high school years. 

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We moved between my junior and senior year. There were tough times, but my parents helped me make the best of it. I was a resilient teen who didn’t care about fitting in. The school system I moved to had lower graduation requirements than my previous high school, so that was a fantastic bonus that year. 

It’s a hard call. It worked fine for me, but some teens don’t deal well with change. 

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