Menu
Jump to content

What's with the ads?

Scarlett

NC boy found dead :(

Recommended Posts

I don't think you're overly suspicious, Scarlett. The statistics tell us it's likely the dad, and my sense is . .. well, I sure think something's off with his story.

  • Like 6

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

It's very sad and just minutes (20) from us.  In fact, we drive that way all of the time on our way to the mountains and other areas.  Like Pawz, I'm afraid it sounds fishy but we'll see. 

Very sad!!!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
2 minutes ago, maize said:

I don't find the story unbelievable; it isn't hard to lose site of a kid running away in a crowded park, and drowning is unfortunately more common among ASD kids.

https://m.huffingtonpost.ca/kathleen-oagrady/autism-drowning-deaths_b_17017768.html

Oh I didn't know that....about ASD kids being more prone to drown.  The news I read (I haven't read your link yet) said he was found in a shallow creek....a mile from the park.  

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
13 minutes ago, Pawz4me said:

I don't think you're overly suspicious, Scarlett. The statistics tell us it's likely the dad, and my sense is . .. well, I sure think something's off with his story.

Supposedly there is 'proof' the boy was in the park...but no report on what the proof is.  I would feel better if someone was saying they saw the boy running or with his dad.  The park employee who called 911 doesn't believe he was in the park.  I don't know.  I hope I am wrong.  

  • Like 1
  • Sad 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I didn't believe the dad when it was first reported. 

I'm sorry for the mom.

Eta:  I have a child with and and add.  

Edited by gardenmom5

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

If the boy was running because it was crowded, there would be witnesses.   There aren't. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
22 minutes ago, maize said:

I don't find the story unbelievable; it isn't hard to lose site of a kid running away in a crowded park, and drowning is unfortunately more common among ASD kids.

https://m.huffingtonpost.ca/kathleen-oagrady/autism-drowning-deaths_b_17017768.html

Children with autism drown 160 times more often than NT children.  That is a shocking statistic!  

  • Sad 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I thought the dad was there with a friend when this happened? No? I am not immediately suspicious. I actually think parents of kids with severe autism have to work very hard, without a moment’s reprieve, to prevent accidents like this. Their kids are constantly putting themselves in harms way. My heart goes out to any parent in this position. 

  • Like 6

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Unfortunately, I do fine the story believable.  Eloping and drowning is an enormous risk for children with autism.  It can happen super fast.  Because of this pattern, the recommendation is that, if a child with autism is found missing, areas with water are searched first, and watchers are stationed there until the child is found.

I will also say as someone who is often in public with people with significant disabilities that it amazes me how people with disabilities can simultaneously be stared at in public and treated like they are invisible.  I can imagine going to park with a student and having no one remember we were there.

Drowning looks different from murder on an autopsy so we will presumably know sooner rather than later if there was foul play.  I hope his death was an unpainful and unscarred as possible.  Poor little guy.

  • Like 7

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I can totally see how people might start to think it was the dad.  That's not an uncommon thing, neither is the crying in front of the media, thinking that will stop people from suspecting the parents.  

However,

I can also see how it could be a total accident.  The two adults and the child were walking in a park and were near a lake.  I can totally see a scenario where everyone is walking, the dad and his buddy are talking, the kid would run ahead a bit, then come back then run ahead, then come back.  Then the kid takes off and doesn't come back right away and totally ignores dad when dad starts hollering at him to STOP! (yep, been there done that, except in our case, it was a car and not a lake that was the danger.)  So dad takes off running, kid takes off running either because he thinks he's in trouble or because he thinks it's hilarious.  Kid rounds the corner, gets out of sight, falls in the lake, Dad rounds the corner, doesn't see the kid.  And if the lake contributes to the creek that he was found in, I think that whole scenario makes complete sense to me.

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I have a child with autism and a different child who occasionally elopes. My eloper has mostly outgrown it, but a couple days ago he chased DH's car because he felt Daddy hadn't said good-bye properly. I wasn't wearing shoes and had a toddler on my hands, and had to make a split-second decision to keep both children safe. I decided to drive after him, but safely buckling the toddler into the car cost us a few moments. I knew which way he would go through the first two intersections, and at the third, a neighbor who I know had caught him. Lucky thing, too. I don't know which way he would have turned there. So I can totally see how a child can get away from you, get surprisingly far in a short amount of time, and you have just a second to evaluate the situation and figure out what to do.

Also, autism and autistic traits can run in families. I haven't watched any videos but I understand the father has acted a little funny. I wouldn't be surprised if it's simply some familial autistic traits coming out, and the whole thing was a tragic accident.

  • Like 9

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
38 minutes ago, sassenach said:

I thought the dad was there with a friend when this happened? No? I am not immediately suspicious. I actually think parents of kids with severe autism have to work very hard, without a moment’s reprieve, to prevent accidents like this. Their kids are constantly putting themselves in harms way. My heart goes out to any parent in this position. 

 

29 minutes ago, Daria said:

Unfortunately, I do fine the story believable.  Eloping and drowning is an enormous risk for children with autism.  It can happen super fast.  Because of this pattern, the recommendation is that, if a child with autism is found missing, areas with water are searched first, and watchers are stationed there until the child is found.

I will also say as someone who is often in public with people with significant disabilities that it amazes me how people with disabilities can simultaneously be stared at in public and treated like they are invisible.  I can imagine going to park with a student and having no one remember we were there.

Drowning looks different from murder on an autopsy so we will presumably know sooner rather than later if there was foul play.  I hope his death was an unpainful and unscarred as possible.  Poor little guy.

 

12 minutes ago, happysmileylady said:

I can totally see how people might start to think it was the dad.  That's not an uncommon thing, neither is the crying in front of the media, thinking that will stop people from suspecting the parents.  

However,

I can also see how it could be a total accident.  The two adults and the child were walking in a park and were near a lake.  I can totally see a scenario where everyone is walking, the dad and his buddy are talking, the kid would run ahead a bit, then come back then run ahead, then come back.  Then the kid takes off and doesn't come back right away and totally ignores dad when dad starts hollering at him to STOP! (yep, been there done that, except in our case, it was a car and not a lake that was the danger.)  So dad takes off running, kid takes off running either because he thinks he's in trouble or because he thinks it's hilarious.  Kid rounds the corner, gets out of sight, falls in the lake, Dad rounds the corner, doesn't see the kid.  And if the lake contributes to the creek that he was found in, I think that whole scenario makes complete sense to me.

 

 

5 minutes ago, lavender's green said:

I have a child with autism and a different child who occasionally elopes. My eloper has mostly outgrown it, but a couple days ago he chased DH's car because he felt Daddy hadn't said good-bye properly. I wasn't wearing shoes and had a toddler on my hands, and had to make a split-second decision to keep both children safe. I decided to drive after him, but safely buckling the toddler into the car cost us a few moments. I knew which way he would go through the first two intersections, and at the third, a neighbor who I know had caught him. Lucky thing, too. I don't know which way he would have turned there. So I can totally see how a child can get away from you, get surprisingly far in a short amount of time, and you have just a second to evaluate the situation and figure out what to do.

Also, autism and autistic traits can run in families. I haven't watched any videos but I understand the father has acted a little funny. I wouldn't be surprised if it's simply some familial autistic traits coming out, and the whole thing was a tragic accident.

I sincerely hope you are all correct.  Drowning is bad enough, but death at the hands of one's father is so much worse.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I've read/heard the father was with another adult 99 times (yes I'm exaggerating) and then once, it was his girlfriend.  This to me also is a red flag.  Why is it a secret that he was with his girlfriend??   Because another random adult would corroborate the father's story if it were true.  The girlfriend could easily be part of the cover-up.   I don't think the police wanted that information public at first because they already had their suspicions but they needed the child found one way or the other.  

It is sad that I/we jump to the conclusion that the father harmed the boy.  I am aware of ASD children being drawn to water but it wasn't long before I suspected the father.  

Edited by ZiMom
  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

The local news (he is somewhat local to me) said the boy was found 2-3 feet UNDER the water, not floating.  They also said he was hidden and they could have literally been right next to where he was and not seen him if they hadn't looked.

To me, that says he was purposefully hidden and pushed further under, not sure what was holding him down.

So, even though I have a child on the spectrum and he used to run from us and accidents DO happen, I still am suspicious.  

  • Like 1
  • Sad 4

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Poor little guy.

Either explanation seems plausible to me; younger dd was a runner when she was small, so like others, I know how easily a child can get in dangerous situations. 

I'd hoped this story would end differently. ?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
20 minutes ago, DawnM said:

So, even though I have a child on the spectrum and he used to run from us and accidents DO happen, I still am suspicious.  

Same.

When I say I'm suspicious of the father, it is not said w/o experience with an ASD kiddo.

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
3 minutes ago, Pawz4me said:

Same.

When I say I'm suspicious of the father, it is not said w/o experience with an ASD kiddo.

I have no first hand experience....I have one acquaintance with a non verbal ASD son and he is a runner.....so I know it is possible.....but things with this story  just don't ring true.  I mean if the park was busy I feel sure someone would remember a 6 year old running with no adult with him.  Most people would at the least watch to see if an adult was running up behind the child to try and catch him.  And some people would stop the child if they saw it to be dangerous. 

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

When he was first found, the article I read stated that the creek he was found in was separated from the lake at the park by screening in the water which meant he could could not have fallen in the lake and ended up where he did.  There is fencing between the park and the area of the creek.

I want to believe it is a terrible tragedy, but there are definitely questions that need answers.

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

The part I thought was odd was waiting so long to call for help. Did they say he waited an hour? I thought that's what I read. We *have* lost my ds with autism, and it was unbelievably, horrifically stressful. He was basically non-verbal at the time, and it only took me about 2 minutes to call for help and within 10 minutes I was having out and out panic attacks and losing my mind. You try to stay calm, but sorry I was NOT CALM at that point. So the part where I read that he looked for an hour just made no, no, no sense to me. 

Well this is just heartbreaking. The story had rippled through the FB autism community, and people were actually really concerned. If this man actually killed his child, may he rot. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
6 hours ago, DesertBlossom said:

I am super confused about why the other person being a girlfriend makes him more suspicious.... what am I missing?

 

Because statistically, the murder of a child is much more likely when the parents are divorced (due to custody battles) or a nonbiological parental figure is involved (due to the new lover or spouse resenting the kid).

This isn’t to say that her status automatically means it was murder, or that all divorced parents with a new significant other are guilty of abuse or murder. But in cases where murder is already suspected, it’s a red flag. 

  • Like 4

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
9 hours ago, Scarlett said:

Why though would he have been outside of the park?

 

You would have to know the park to understand. There is a paved walkway that leads pretty far that direction that very few people ever take because it leads to nowhere.  I think they have plans to develop it later.  If he was following the jogger and the jogger went that direction and then cut off, he could have easily just kept following the creek?  The creek then leads under a road and near an industrial area and construction site that wouldn't have many (if any people) to witness him there. There are almost no homes right around this park.  It is a park surrounded by very old industrial sites (many not in use) and woods.  It is like this kid vanished which tells me that he wasn't in the crowded viewable area for too long.  If he was running along behind a jogger in the crowded areas then couldn't people have just thought the kid was with the jogger?  If the jogger was wearing earbuds and focused on running he probably didn't even know there was a little, non verbal boy running along behind him?  Or maybe he cut back and saw him and thought "that's odd" and kept running, not wanting to get involved and hoping the parents were close and isn't coming forward because he feels incredibly guilty or is afraid of being at fault some how?  Who knows really.  

8 hours ago, DesertBlossom said:

I am super confused about why the other person being a girlfriend makes him more suspicious.... what am I missing?

 

To me it is more the fact that it was left out (like hidden) and also what Epicurean says below.  The mom and dad were very recently separated and it was like the girlfriend aspect was being hidden.  

 

1 hour ago, Epicurean said:

 

Because statistically, the murder of a child is much more likely when the parents are divorced (due to custody battles) or a nonbiological parental figure is involved (due to the new lover or spouse resenting the kid).

This isn’t to say that her status automatically means it was murder, or that all divorced parents with a new significant other are guilty of abuse or murder. But in cases where murder is already suspected, it’s a red flag. 

 

Edited by Attolia
  • Like 1
  • Thanks 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

https://www.wcnc.com/video/news/special-reports/maddox-ritch/man-living-near-long-creek-speaks-on-maddox-ritch-investigation/275-8266121

 

I am not alone in this feeling.  I am sure there are plenty of other people feeling so guilty that they didn't just go out and look themselves.  

  • Sad 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Girlfriend does make me more suspicious--I wouldn't trust a romantic partner as a corroborative witness.

And it highlights probable relationship strains.

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
1 hour ago, Attolia said:

 If he was running along behind a jogger in the crowded areas then couldn't people have just thought the kid was with the jogger?  If the jogger was wearing earbuds and focused on running he probably didn't even know there was a little, non verbal boy running along behind him?  Or maybe he cut back and saw him and thought "that's odd" and kept running, not wanting to get involved and hoping the parents were close and isn't coming forward because he feels incredibly guilty or is afraid of being at fault some how?  Who knows really.  

Do you have a dc with ASD yourself? I just don't remember everyone's stories and don't want to say something you already know. A non-verbal boy with ASD is not going to look like he's "with" the jogger, because looking like you're with someone implies being part of the group. There are things there that NT people see (lack of body in the group, joint attention, referencing, etc.) that would tell any onlooker IMMEDIATELY that that boy was not part of the group. My ds took swim lessons at that age, and people could tell, just watching him, that he had ASD, even with no training, because in that standardized, known quantity setting (you see what the other kids are doing and how they interact with the teachers), he was the one NOT with the group. Even in a pool of kids, even with teachers interacting with him, he did not have group sense. The boy would not have looked like he was with the jogger.

Also, they said the location where the boy was found was a mile from the park where he disappeared. I don't know how far he would have had to traverse, but that's a lot of running. Let's do the math. How fast do you run a mile? How fast does a 7 yo sprinter with autism run a mile? My ds is not an undermethylator, and he does have fast twitch muscle fibers and ASD support level 2. I've taken him to a track and run him, and I can tell you he runs 1/4 mile and stops. Then after a rest he can run another 1/4 mile. I did this when my ds was at his peak physically, taking lots of sports classes. He can't regulate how his body feels and he has to stop. And if you consider that most kids with ASD (80% if you believe the stats you see online) are undermethylators, that means they will fatigue well before that. 

Maybe this boy was not fitting that pattern, fine. But I'm just not sure how probable it is to say he BOLTED a mile. He might have bolted a 1/4 mile and then slowed down and wandered. He probably would have gotten sucked into a special interest. He would have looked like he was alone. Someone would have stopped him. 

And what father says well I'm diabetic so I didn't take off after my son. REALLY??? Like you didn't call to anyone?? Really??? So the mother shows up and she's distraught and beside herself, and the father's issuing social media press releases. My lands.

My two cents, as morbid as it sounds, is be thankful you didn't check the creek. He was already gone by the time you would have found the body, and it would have been traumatic. That would have been horrible. Who knows what they really found there and what state the body was really in, depending on how he was killed. That sight would have been really hard to undo. 

The whole situation is so awful, being close to a residence and somewhere you like to be. That's going to take time to heal. Maybe the community would do something like a little memorial in the park for the boy, something positive?

  • Thanks 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 9/28/2018 at 7:06 PM, PeterPan said:

The part I thought was odd was waiting so long to call for help. Did they say he waited an hour? I thought that's what I read. We *have* lost my ds with autism, and it was unbelievably, horrifically stressful. He was basically non-verbal at the time, and it only took me about 2 minutes to call for help and within 10 minutes I was having out and out panic attacks and losing my mind. You try to stay calm, but sorry I was NOT CALM at that point. So the part where I read that he looked for an hour just made no, no, no sense to me. 

Well this is just heartbreaking. The story had rippled through the FB autism community, and people were actually really concerned. If this man actually killed his child, may he rot. 

At a park I frequent a women called recently when her 5 yo stepson wandered out of the playground while she was pushing her younger daughter on the swings.  As soon as she noticed, which was not very long, she got us all looking for him.  She called the cops for help.  He was found shortly thereafter, before the cops even showed. Still, the cops cited her for child endangerment and got CPS involved.  She was not a negligent mother. There were a bunch of us at the only exit to the playground and none of us saw him leave.  Yet calling for help immediately caused a lot trauma to their family.

It was shocking to me.  Up to that point I too would have called for help without a second thought.  Now, I would NOT blame anyone who chooses to wait and search before calling the cops. (Local laws vary if course.  This was PA.)  

  • Like 1
  • Sad 11

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
10 hours ago, PeterPan said:

Do you have a dc with ASD yourself? I just don't remember everyone's stories and don't want to say something you already know. A non-verbal boy with ASD is not going to look like he's "with" the jogger, because looking like you're with someone implies being part of the group. There are things there that NT people see (lack of body in the group, joint attention, referencing, etc.) that would tell any onlooker IMMEDIATELY that that boy was not part of the group. My ds took swim lessons at that age, and people could tell, just watching him, that he had ASD, even with no training, because in that standardized, known quantity setting (you see what the other kids are doing and how they interact with the teachers), he was the one NOT with the group. Even in a pool of kids, even with teachers interacting with him, he did not have group sense. The boy would not have looked like he was with the jogger.

Also, they said the location where the boy was found was a mile from the park where he disappeared. I don't know how far he would have had to traverse, but that's a lot of running. Let's do the math. How fast do you run a mile? How fast does a 7 yo sprinter with autism run a mile? My ds is not an undermethylator, and he does have fast twitch muscle fibers and ASD support level 2. I've taken him to a track and run him, and I can tell you he runs 1/4 mile and stops. Then after a rest he can run another 1/4 mile. I did this when my ds was at his peak physically, taking lots of sports classes. He can't regulate how his body feels and he has to stop. And if you consider that most kids with ASD (80% if you believe the stats you see online) are undermethylators, that means they will fatigue well before that. 

Maybe this boy was not fitting that pattern, fine. But I'm just not sure how probable it is to say he BOLTED a mile. He might have bolted a 1/4 mile and then slowed down and wandered. He probably would have gotten sucked into a special interest. He would have looked like he was alone. Someone would have stopped him. 

And what father says well I'm diabetic so I didn't take off after my son. REALLY??? Like you didn't call to anyone?? Really??? So the mother shows up and she's distraught and beside herself, and the father's issuing social media press releases. My lands.

My two cents, as morbid as it sounds, is be thankful you didn't check the creek. He was already gone by the time you would have found the body, and it would have been traumatic. That would have been horrible. Who knows what they really found there and what state the body was really in, depending on how he was killed. That sight would have been really hard to undo. 

The whole situation is so awful, being close to a residence and somewhere you like to be. That's going to take time to heal. Maybe the community would do something like a little memorial in the park for the boy, something positive?

 

 

No, I don't think he bolted a mile by any means.  What I meant is that he followed the jogger in that general direction to the point where few people are before it would have been obvious that he was alone. That would probably be more like 1/4 of a mile depending on where he actually started running. In one article it mentioned that he loved water, maybe he moved behind the jogger and then at some point along the creek when they turned that direction (which is the path that rarely has many people).  I do not have a child with ASD.  I miscommunicated, I actually wasn't meaning that people would think through the situation and say "they are together", I just know that when people are busy and going about their own business and not paying attention, they may not have really looked at the situation with that sort of detail.  The brain sees jogger and child close and doesn't register anything odd.  Someone would have had to been intentionally studying the situation to know any different?  Then he wandered by himself along the creek?  DH and I have also thought that if he was wandering along that creek then draining the lake was the worst idea ever because it made the creek level rise ?  I am not blaming searchers because this was an incredibly difficult decision with lots of unknowns, but it felt to me in some ways like they were searching for a dead body rather than a moving child.  They started draining the lake so soon which would have moved water.  Yes, there was a screen and his body didn't leave the lake but it moved water in the creek.  

I am not convinced that dad is innocent.  Where the body was found, it is thick and isolated.  A body could have been dumped there and then they could have gone to the lake and claimed he was missing.  The thing is, they have people who say they saw this dad and boy at the lake, right?  FBI say they believe he was at the lake that day.  

I can't imagine going back to this lovely place so close to my house.  What was a routine walk for me will never, ever be the same.  Every day when I cross the Long Creek sign, my stomach drops.  

 

Edited by Attolia
  • Like 1
  • Sad 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
12 minutes ago, ikslo said:

At a park I frequent a women called recently when her 5 yo stepson wandered out of the playground while she was pushing her younger daughter on the swings.  As soon as she noticed, which was not very long, she got us all looking for him.  She called the cops for help.  He was found shortly thereafter, before the cops even showed. Still, the cops cited her for child endangerment and got CPS involved.  She was not a negligent mother. There were a bunch of us at the only exit to the playground and none of us saw him leave.  Yet calling for help immediately caused a lot trauma to their family.

It was shocking to me.  Up to that point I too would have called for help without a second thought.  Now, I would NOT blame anyone who chooses to wait and search before calling the cops. (Local laws vary if course.  This was PA.)  

 

 

I actually thought of this.  A parent could easily say "he has to be right here, I can find him" before finally realizing how bad the situation was.  They were newly separated, probably about to go through a custody battle.  He could have been attempting to avoid looking negligent?

  • Like 3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Yeah, I’m not saying the dad is innocent.  I have no idea.  I just will never again fault a parent for not immediately calling the cops.  The woman in my story did what I would have thought was the right thing, and she ended up vilified by the police.  They didn’t care that everyone at the park was standing up for her.  Even CPS closed the file.  But it’s always there now.  She has a record.  Damned if you do; damned if you don’t. 

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 9/28/2018 at 7:06 PM, PeterPan said:

The part I thought was odd was waiting so long to call for help. Did they say he waited an hour? I thought that's what I read. We *have* lost my ds with autism, and it was unbelievably, horrifically stressful. He was basically non-verbal at the time, and it only took me about 2 minutes to call for help and within 10 minutes I was having out and out panic attacks and losing my mind. You try to stay calm, but sorry I was NOT CALM at that point. So the part where I read that he looked for an hour just made no, no, no sense to me. 

Well this is just heartbreaking. The story had rippled through the FB autism community, and people were actually really concerned. If this man actually killed his child, may he rot. 

 

I agree PeterPan.  I once honestly thought I 'lost' my NT daughter when she was 12.  I'm trying to remember exactly what happened but I think she said she went to take the trash out but instead what happened was she told me she was going to walk the dog but I did not hear her.  At the time, we were living somewhere new, an apartment complex, that I didn't exactly feel comfortable with and we had an understanding that she would let me know when she went out and where.  When I realized she was gone longer than necessary to take out the trash I walked down to check on her, retracing her steps to the trash compactor.  As the trash compactor came into view and I did not see my daughter my heart started racing.  My first thought was how soon could I call the police, then I need to call my husband.  My thoughts were racing as well as my heart.  I was going to run back up to my apartment to grab my keys, make a quick loop of the complex and then call the police (this would have taken 5 minutes!!), when the apartment maintenance man came into our parking lot.  I asked him if he had seen my daughter and his reply was that he had passed her running with her dog a few blocks away.  

Some may say this was a total overreaction, but to my knowledge, my reliable daughter was supposed to be home, and she was GONE.  I just can't imagine a 5-year-old ASD child, around a lake that is GONE and waiting an hour.  How could you not want the calvary out by minute 5?  

 

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
38 minutes ago, ikslo said:

At a park I frequent a women called recently when her 5 yo stepson wandered out of the playground while she was pushing her younger daughter on the swings.  As soon as she noticed, which was not very long, she got us all looking for him.  She called the cops for help.  He was found shortly thereafter, before the cops even showed. Still, the cops cited her for child endangerment and got CPS involved.  She was not a negligent mother. There were a bunch of us at the only exit to the playground and none of us saw him leave.  Yet calling for help immediately caused a lot trauma to their family.

It was shocking to me.  Up to that point I too would have called for help without a second thought.  Now, I would NOT blame anyone who chooses to wait and search before calling the cops. (Local laws vary if course.  This was PA.)  

How long would you have waited? When we lost my ds (similar situation though inside, I was working with dd and he was just POOF gone), I had my dh and BIL looking immediately. If it had gone on any longer, yes we would have been beyond what we could handle ourselves. He would have potentially walked, in that period of time, beyond what we could have reasonably searched and we would have called. But that wasn't a 2 minute thing, kwim? That was more like that 15 minute range. But this dad in the news story waited an HOUR by some accounts to ask for help. I mean, it's so preposterous I have to whack my head and wonder if I misread it, kwim? Normal parental instinct is GET HELP NOW and this guy waited an HOUR???

Ok, now flip this. Is it all bad if CPS gets called? My ds was not diagnosed at the time we lost him. If we had called the police and they had brought in CPS, maybe that would have flagged and he would have gotten diagnosed sooner. I know it's rough to deal with that process, but it's not necessarily all bad. My ds wasn't diagnosed until 6 and needed to be diagnosed earlier. I'm not viewing some intervention or some questions as a horrible thing there. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

She had people looking immediately; I’m sure I would ask for help immediately, too.  I would just, now, be more hesitant to involve the authorities so quickly.  Did he wait an hour for help, or just an hour before the cops were called?  The stories I read weren’t clear. 

I don’t have a child with ASD either.  So there’s that.  My perspective may be different if I did.

 

My point was just that I don’t feel it right for a parent to be blamed just on that one point.  There’s a lot more to this story though.

Edited by ikslo

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
44 minutes ago, ikslo said:

 The woman in my story did what I would have thought was the right thing, and she ended up vilified by the police.  They didn’t care that everyone at the park was standing up for her.  Even CPS closed the file.  But it’s always there now.  She has a record.

Just comparing PA child endangerment laws to my state's, I'll just observe that they are VERY vague, just saying "violating a duty of care, protection, or support." Our state's laws are much more precise. So there may have been going on and the issue is the law. PA seems kind of a nitpicky state anyway, just looking at their homeschooling laws. Just saying our state's child endangerment laws aren't vague like that and wouldn't have allowed for that, not that I can see.

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
2 hours ago, PeterPan said:

Do you have a dc with ASD yourself? I just don't remember everyone's stories and don't want to say something you already know. A non-verbal boy with ASD is not going to look like he's "with" the jogger, because looking like you're with someone implies being part of the group. There are things there that NT people see (lack of body in the group, joint attention, referencing, etc.) that would tell any onlooker IMMEDIATELY that that boy was not part of the group. My ds took swim lessons at that age, and people could tell, just watching him, that he had ASD, even with no training, because in that standardized, known quantity setting (you see what the other kids are doing and how they interact with the teachers), he was the one NOT with the group. Even in a pool of kids, even with teachers interacting with him, he did not have group sense. The boy would not have looked like he was with the jogger.

Also, they said the location where the boy was found was a mile from the park where he disappeared. I don't know how far he would have had to traverse, but that's a lot of running. Let's do the math. How fast do you run a mile? How fast does a 7 yo sprinter with autism run a mile? My ds is not an undermethylator, and he does have fast twitch muscle fibers and ASD support level 2. I've taken him to a track and run him, and I can tell you he runs 1/4 mile and stops. Then after a rest he can run another 1/4 mile. I did this when my ds was at his peak physically, taking lots of sports classes. He can't regulate how his body feels and he has to stop. And if you consider that most kids with ASD (80% if you believe the stats you see online) are undermethylators, that means they will fatigue well before that. 

Maybe this boy was not fitting that pattern, fine. But I'm just not sure how probable it is to say he BOLTED a mile. He might have bolted a 1/4 mile and then slowed down and wandered. He probably would have gotten sucked into a special interest. He would have looked like he was alone. Someone would have stopped him. 

And what father says well I'm diabetic so I didn't take off after my son. REALLY??? Like you didn't call to anyone?? Really??? So the mother shows up and she's distraught and beside herself, and the father's issuing social media press releases. My lands.

My two cents, as morbid as it sounds, is be thankful you didn't check the creek. He was already gone by the time you would have found the body, and it would have been traumatic. That would have been horrible. Who knows what they really found there and what state the body was really in, depending on how he was killed. That sight would have been really hard to undo. 

The whole situation is so awful, being close to a residence and somewhere you like to be. That's going to take time to heal. Maybe the community would do something like a little memorial in the park for the boy, something positive?

I do have a child with ASD and nothing you have typed here would apply to my child.  She is verbal now, but even when she wasn't, she would absolutely walk up to strangers, hold people's hands, she has even randomly climbed up into people's laps.  And I would go running across the splash pad, with my youngest in the ring sling as the person who's lap she climbed up in told me all about how fine she was.  Even now, as I said, she's verbal, but needs a "translator" for a stranger to understand a full conversation.  But if someone is polite, there is still an interaction that absolutely would make it look like she is "with" a complete stranger.  Truth is, if I don't pay enough attention, a complete stranger could walk out of Kroger with my kid, and no one would blink an eye.  

Now, perhaps that's part of the "ASD looks different in girls"  thing, or maybe it's part of the "if you know one kid with autism, you know one kid with autism" thing.  But what applies to your child with ASD may not really apply to this kid. 

As to the second paragraph....my DD can walk a 5k with me in 54 minutes.  And, has the energy to run the last quarter mile.  I will never forget the first time we did the Indy Mini 5k, about 2 yrs ago.  My mom and older two DDs, as well as my aunt, we were all red faced, huffing and puffing, it was our first 5k.  And DD8, who would have been 5 at the time of that 5k, ripped her hand out of mine the moment she saw the finish line (which is actually slightly less than a quarter mile once you round the corner) and took off running so fast. 

NOW....as mom who knew what I had to do, I did take off running after her and even then, nearly couldn't catch her.  And once I did, I almost passed out.  

 And when we did a 5k in a hilly apple orchard on a muddy crappy day.  For most of it, she would run ahead, then run back.  She probably ran a 10 k in the time we walked the 5k lol.

 

  • Like 4

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I do wonder if men would tend to wait longer than women to call the police. We’re all women commenting here and I think pretty much as a group are all on the same page of panicking pretty fast and calling in the Calvary in this situation. But I do wonder if men, as a whole, are slightly less reactive? Or reluctant to sound the alarm?

I don’t have a position on this one way or another. I just have to wonder if anything to do with the reaction and response time might be gender related as much as anything. 

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Attolia I see now what you are saying.  Please don't feel guilty. I doubt seriously he was still alive when the search began.  

Edited by Scarlett
  • Like 3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

https://www.theepochtimes.com/maddox-ritch-case-woman-recalls-seeing-autistic-boy-in-park_2674594.html

This popped up today.  Exactly what I was thinking....people seeing the kid and assuming he was with someone?  Assuming it was under control?  ?

Edited by Attolia
  • Sad 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

And here's the thing...if one small group of people assumed this then how many others assumed as well?  

 

 

 

Edited by Attolia

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

×
×
  • Create New...