Do you/have you had a kid who believes they will want to major in a specific field from a young age?

[Lady Florida.]

Not my kid but me. I knew for as long as I can remember that I wanted to be a teacher. I was not a leader as a kid yet whenever we played school I was the teacher and none of my friends even questioned that. It just seemed the normal thing for all of us.

When I chose education as my major no one in my family was the least bit surprised. 

I don't think it's all that common to really know what you want to do from a young age, but it isn't unheard of.

[easypeasy]

Oldest wanted to be a marine biologist from an early age. Then she talked to a few biologists who gave her the "cold, hard facts" about employment in the marine biology world (the jobs dd reeeeally wanted to do aren't often available). DD2 started working at the zoo and saw what marine biologists DO at the zoo (nothing exciting, lol) and reported back to DD1. DD1 is now a math major... but she's considering the Navy or Coast Guard at some point... so who knows. She may find her way to the sea yet. She lives near the ocean now, so she may just stay there after school and teach instead. It's fun to wait and wonder! ?

DD2 has always been all over the board - lots of varied interests and talents. We do provide opportunities, lessons, travel, etc for her for her top interests as much as we can fit in.

DS has said he wanted to go into music since he was about 8 years old. Hasn't changed his mind yet. We indulge his plans as much as we can - we travel quite a bit for various opportunities and performances, etc.

Edited September 24, 2018 by easypeasy

[easypeasy]

40 minutes ago, Lady Florida. said:

Not my kid but me. I knew for as long as I can remember that I wanted to be a teacher. I was not a leader as a kid yet whenever we played school I was the teacher and none of my friends even questioned that. It just seemed the normal thing for all of us.

When I chose education as my major no one in my family was the least bit surprised.

 

Oh, me too! I was talked out of it, though (by everyone I knew!) even though I pretended "teaching," set up imaginary classrooms for students, was a teacher's assistant in upper elementary/middle school, AND voluntarily tutored younger kids when I was in high school! lol (I look back at my life, a bit baffled at the people who were giving me advice! It couldn't have been much more obvious what I needed to do with my life!)

So, I homeschooled my own kids instead - and now plan to go back to school and start teaching once my kids are finished with school. Nothing else I considered as an "after I've raised my kids" career even appealed to me.

Edited September 24, 2018 by easypeasy

[Sk8ermaiden]

This is an interesting conversation because DD is still young, but I've been thinking about it.

DD thinks she wants to work in something like robotic prosthetics? Potentially the ones that are hooked into your brain. She wants to make a difference in the world and she's also very stem-y and the medical field interests her a lot, but I have heavily discouraged any doctor talk. She's extremely mathy and loves building and is good at and enjoys the harder part of engineering (failing and trying again). It's a realistic path for her. 

She's nine, so the only way it influences her life is that I am making an effort to make time to keep her dabbling in robotics and engineering outside the house, even as competitive gym takes over her life. Girl scouts just started offering a whole slew of badges in this vein, and it's already been amazing. They also have extremely competitive national robotics teams at all ages, which is fantastic.If this is still her goal by 7th grade or so it's going to mean I'm going to put a much more serious emphasis on physics and biology. 

If she doesn't end up in something like this she'll probably run away to join the circus. She's an extraordinary little aerialist. She's mentioned coaching too. Math and athletics are her two big talents...

Edited September 24, 2018 by Sk8ermaiden

[creekland]

Oldest - no idea even as a junior/senior in high school.  Went to college with an idea (microfinance) and switched there to business.  After college started in business and was doing well, but switched to IT and loves it.  He's the dude who can fix your computer in about 10 seconds.  He's still superb with the stock market for investing too.

Middle - at age 8 we were out with the ponies and he unexpectedly chirped up saying, "I want to be a doctor or a lawyer when I grow up."  "That's nice," I replied, "both are good jobs."  "What's a lawyer do anyway?" he then asked.  I told him the various things lawyers did.  He came back with, "Oh, well definitely a doctor then - not a lawyer."  "What got you thinking about jobs?" I asked.  "My teacher told me I should be a doctor or lawyer when I grew up..."  The lad is now extremely happy at or near the top of his class in his second year of med school, so never underestimate the offhand comments made by a third grade teacher!  Nothing we could say about the cons of being a doctor ever swayed him.  The idea of doing research briefly did, but not for long.  He's gone on a couple of medical missions trips and volunteers at a free clinic now doing things (while in med school) and is still in love with his profession.  I got word from a friend that patients at the free clinic love him - he treats them like "people!"  I figure I should double the cost to be on his waiting list for when he's a doctor... ?

Youngest wanted to be a Marine Biologist... that lasted about a week once he got to a college that specializes in it (Eckerd).  There he met fellow students who REALLY wanted to be Marine Biologists and had set their lives up that way through high school.  He's now permaculture farming on our farm and enjoying it.  We (parents) have known from toddlerhood that he would be involved with flora or fauna, but all suggestions I made in high school to major in Botany were rebuffed.  What do moms know anyway?  ?

In general, when younger kids see their older siblings going off and really doing something it often triggers a "what will I be doing?" question in their minds.  Some stay bewildered and get a wee bit stressed because they don't know.  Some do know and stick with it.  Others more or less pick "something" to reduce the stress of being "the only one who doesn't know" (or so they think anyway).  I encourage kids at school to go ahead and have an idea (if they do), but to keep their minds open to change if they find something they like better. So many change majors that it's more the norm than not by some stats.  I can't count the number who have returned from college telling me they were glad I gave them that comment.  It stuck with them and they weren't afraid to change when they DID see something they liked better.  Our high school years are so limiting with what we see.  College opens up many doors kids simply don't even know are there.  (Trade schools can too FWIW.)

 

[katilac]

21 hours ago, SKL said:

One of my kids is very much a planner.  She not only knows what she wants to do, but she knows where she wants to work after she graduates.  She has had this career as at least an alternative plan since she was 8 or 9 years old.

 

 

You just gonna leave us hanging like that?

17 hours ago, Rosie_0801 said:

One of my carpentry buddies has bought her a good quality tape measure for Christmas.  

 

 

I love that! 

11 hours ago, Lady Florida. said:

I knew for as long as I can remember that I wanted to be a teacher.  

 

 

I was always drawn to teaching, but I realized before college that I wouldn't excel at managing a team of students (and, more so, their parents!). I did tutor throughout college, and then my job included corporate training, so I did get paid to teach! Then became a homeschooler who offered small group classes.  

It would be interesting to know how many people follow a variation of an early interest or keep it as a hobby. 

3 hours ago, creekland said:

 So many change majors that it's more the norm than not by some stats.  

 

 

I think it's the norm by ALL the stats! As high as 80%, and often more than once. That would include changing majors within the same general field, though, like mechanical engineering to chemical engineering. The student who does that is changing majors, but can still say they wanted to be an engineer since they were 5 ?

[SKL]

11 minutes ago, katilac said:

You just gonna leave us hanging like that?

 

She wants to work with polar bears (especially cubs) at a zoo not too far from home.  ?

She hopes to get into vet school, and is focusing on age-appropriate biology and medical interests already.  She does have struggles in school, so it's hard to know what the future will hold.  Biology does seem to be a strong suit for her, and she is great with animals.  She is a person who is tenacious once she sets a goal.

She also wants to be a spy and a ninja.  And she's talked about being a cosmetologist.  But she doesn't say much about the specifics of those, as far as career planning.  ?

Edited September 24, 2018 by SKL

[Guest]

11 hours ago, Sk8ermaiden said:

This is an interesting conversation because DD is still young, but I've been thinking about it.

DD thinks she wants to work in something like robotic prosthetics? Potentially the ones that are hooked into your brain. She wants to make a difference in the world and she's also very stem-y and the medical field interests her a lot, but I have heavily discouraged any doctor talk. She's extremely mathy and loves building and is good at and enjoys the harder part of engineering (failing and trying again). It's a realistic path for her. 

She's nine, so the only way it influences her life is that I am making an effort to make time to keep her dabbling in robotics and engineering outside the house, even as competitive gym takes over her life. Girl scouts just started offering a whole slew of badges in this vein, and it's already been amazing. They also have extremely competitive national robotics teams at all ages, which is fantastic.If this is still her goal by 7th grade or so it's going to mean I'm going to put a much more serious emphasis on physics and biology. 

If she doesn't end up in something like this she'll probably run away to join the circus. She's an extraordinary little aerialist. She's mentioned coaching too. Math and athletics are her two big talents...

Why have you heavily discouraged doctor talk? 

[katilac]

12 minutes ago, SKL said:

She wants to work with polar bears (especially cubs) at a zoo not too far from home.  ?

She hopes to get into vet school, and is focusing on age-appropriate biology and medical interests already.  She does have struggles in school, so it's hard to know what the future will hold.  Biology does seem to be a strong suit for her, and she is great with animals.  She is a person who is tenacious once she sets a goal.

She also wants to be a spy and a ninja.  And she's talked about being a cosmetologist.  But she doesn't say much about the specifics of those, as far as career planning.  ?

 

Working with polar bears is a worthy ambition! Last time we were at the aquarium, they had a lady feeding the penguins while a man sat nearby and took notes. The penguins kept going up to him to nuzzle and cuddle, and he would write with one hand and pet them with the other with the most content look on his face. I was like, there is a man who is happy with his life decisions, lol. 

Is she active and outdoorsy? If so, there are jobs in conservation that would go well with her interests (in addition to the vet idea). She could be a ninja conservationist who sneaks up on poachers. 

 

[SeaConquest]

My oldest is only 9.5, but he has been obsessed with space since he was 2 (when he explained to the neighbors why Mars is known as the red planet). I watched documentaries with him about black holes, white holes, dark matter, dark energy, etc. when he was 4. He has been studying astrobiology this past year and tells people that he wants to be an astrogeneticist.  

[Rosie_0801]

2 hours ago, SeaConquest said:

My oldest is only 9.5, but he has been obsessed with space since he was 2 (when he explained to the neighbors why Mars is known as the red planet). I watched documentaries with him about black holes, white holes, dark matter, dark energy, etc. when he was 4. He has been studying astrobiology this past year and tells people that he wants to be an astrogeneticist.  

 

How cool is that? !!

[Caroline]

My oldest was interesting in mechanical engineering from a very young age. He tried to put batteries into a snowman statue at 3 so it would turn into a robot and empty the dishwasher. He graduated with a degree in ME from Georgia Tech a year an a half ago and is now working in the field and is very happy. We made sure he had the classes he needed to get into a top engineering school.

My 17 year old decided in 7th grade that he wanted to work on rockets. He is applying to engineering schools for aerospace engineering as I type. 

DD13 wants to be a lawyer. Her best friends’ mom is a lawyer, and DD hangs out with her as often as possible. 

[Katy]

Pretty much everyone in my family has changed fields except those who took over a parent's business.

The one who wanted to be a marine biologist changed their mind when they found out how little they make and what the lifestyle is like.  Then settled on a medical field instead.

[SeaConquest]

2 hours ago, Rosie_0801 said:

 

How cool is that? !!

 

His current love affair is with The Great Courses Plus lecture series on genetics. The kid is eating it up. ? 

[Angie in VA]

On 9/22/2018 at 6:46 PM, Quill said:

If they are grown, did they go into that field? 

DS13 has a very specific idea of what he wants to study: marine biology. It’s interesting, though, because it’s not manifestly obvious that this is so important to him. IOW, it’s not like he has begged me for a marine aquarium (though we do have a tropical aquarium) or constantly pursues knowledge about this subject. If asked, though, he cites this as his dream job and believes he wants to attend the college dd currently attends, because it is known for marine biology. 

He is studying biology this year in our homeschool, but I wonder if I should be doing anything in particular to emphasize marine study. (We could go to the Aquarium in Baltimore, but besides that, I am not chock full of great ideas.) 

Do you do anything in particular when a kid makes claims like this? 

 

I bought the audio book The Soul of an Octopus when it was the deal of the day on Audible. The sample won me over b/c previously I thought octopuses were nasty animals. Now, I still don't want to meet one, but I now respect them. Maybe it's because it's read by the author (who pronounced "bass" - should sound like "base" when stating a musical term which is how it was used - as "bass" rhyming w "ass", lol) has a passion that is infectious, but I actually teared up upon hearing about the deaths of octopuses! 

What's more, when I finally get my boohiney up to Boston to visit a lifelong friend, I WILL be visiting The New England Aquarium. Sy Montgomery's book talks about staff and volunteers who do amazing work. One volunteer joined the staff. :) Your child might find motivation from that book. 

Edited September 24, 2018 by Angie in VA
Fix link

[TCB]

On 9/22/2018 at 6:02 PM, StellaM said:

I should say that very early I made it clear to her that she could go into medicine! She's always had female GP's etc. So not the tyranny of low expectations. But she was clear she doesn't want to be a doctor. I wonder if I should have pushed it more. 

i don't think so. They are such different jobs that a lot of people are much more suited to one than the other. 

[G5052]

I have a sophomore and junior in college. Somehow they both figured out their majors before they started college, which I know is unusual.

The sophomore wanted to be a vet or animal trainer, and she's an English major with a focus on professional writing.

The junior wanted to be a paleontologist or meteorologist, but he's also always loved everything military. He's an accounting/business analytics major and serves in the Army National Guard. 

It's fun to see what they figure out in young adulthood.

Edited September 24, 2018 by G5052

[Petrichor]

Not my kid, but a cousin. She had her eye on marine biology too, from at least the age of 8. She lived near the ocean, and followed through with her dream. Went to university, graduated, and had a job for about a year in her field (research-grant type job, or maybe even just an internship?) Since then (it's been more than 5 yrs) she's had a few jobs outside of her field. When I last spoke to her, it seemed like interesting jobs in her field are hard to come by.

[Petrichor]

As for your second question, does your zoo, or the university have a program related to marine animals that he could attend? Our zoo has something like that for budding zoologists.

If you are near the ocean, is there an ocean rescue-type org he could volunteer with? Marine biologists he could interview with?

[elegantlion]

On 9/23/2018 at 12:35 PM, Quill said:

I really love reading these stories of your experiences! 

 

One reason I have always been supportive of ds' ideas is that no one was really supportive of mine. They thought my 12 year old self was just "cute" when i stated I wanted to be an archaeologist, no one thought I was serious. My parents didn't have any idea of how to support that goal, no one in their circle of influence did either. I gave up on the dream, thinking it was a folly of youth, a goal out of reach for someone like me. Know what, I would have made a damn fine archaeologist. 

while I realized when I was starting college at 46, I'm too old for real field work, I am a historian. Guess what I've studied a lot of? Archaeology! I interned at a local museum for a year sorting through old field journals and such on Native American studies. It was fascinating. It kind of stung a bit when I realized that the head of the archaeology society in that city was a friend of my dad's. While we didn't live in that same exact town, he could have introduced me. 

My current MA project centers around Scandinavian settlement in early medieval England. Guess where many of my secondary sources are from? Archaeologists. 

I swear if the internet would have been around when I was a kid, I would have figured out a way to become one. Now my field work is documents and I'm mostly okay with that. Today, I'm tired and a little bitter about the missed opportunity, but usually I love what I do. 

[J-rap]

Several of my kids had very strong interests at a young age.  My ds's was probably the strongest, and he began in that field (in college), and then switched halfway.  (He was nervous because it's a risky field.)   I think he should have stuck it out because I think he would have been happier if he followed his childhood dream!  My dd was interested in both medicine and the arts (as a visual artist).  Her career is in the arts, and in fact she has her own business.  But, she still talks about going back to school to become a doctor.  Another dd wanted to become a fashion designer and she totally switched course.  There's no way in the world she'd do that now.  Another wanted to be a musician and that's the career she's pursuing.  

[Guest]

10 hours ago, Petrichor said:

As for your second question, does your zoo, or the university have a program related to marine animals that he could attend? Our zoo has something like that for budding zoologists.

If you are near the ocean, is there an ocean rescue-type org he could volunteer with? Marine biologists he could interview with?

Yes, we are in a very good location for finding these types of programs. 

[Sk8ermaiden]

23 hours ago, Quill said:

Why have you heavily discouraged doctor talk? 

A million years in school, tons of debt, work-life balance, malpractice...there just doesn't seem to be an upside. She likes the idea because she wants to help people. But there are other ways to help people that will be a better fit for her. 

[Guest]

2 hours ago, Sk8ermaiden said:

A million years in school, tons of debt, work-life balance, malpractice...there just doesn't seem to be an upside. She likes the idea because she wants to help people. But there are other ways to help people that will be a better fit for her. 

Oh. I’m awfully glad there are people willing to face those obstacles, though. 

I’m very touchy about the idea of heavily discouraging any child from any field because that was done to my sisters and me. My parents did not esteme careers that conflict with raising children, so they discouraged us. I resent it. 

[Sk8ermaiden]

Oh not at all. I would discourage my son equally. I'd bet money she ends up as some kind of engineer.

[EmseB]

40 minutes ago, Quill said:

Oh. I’m awfully glad there are people willing to face those obstacles, though. 

I’m very touchy about the idea of heavily discouraging any child from any field because that was done to my sisters and me. My parents did not esteme careers that conflict with raising children, so they discouraged us. I resent it. 

I think that you can honestly discuss the negatives of a potential career field so that kids go into things eyes-wide-open, or decide against it, without denigrating careers for personal reasons. I grew up in the "You can be anything you want to be!" culture in school and I kind of resent that, FWIW.

At home things were more realistic. It is a family joke that once I told my mom I wanted to be a vet (because that was what every girl in my school who liked animals wanted to be growing up). She said, "You know you have to put your hands up animals' butts to do that job."  And that was the end of my romantic notions of being a vet. I tend to be more thankful for my mom's point than teachers who sugarcoated the idea that we all could do anything.

I have a kid who has his heart set on being a fighter pilot.* I have never discouraged him, but I've pointed out that it is a very selective field and even very hard workers and very good pilots have failed to make it through the process of becoming a fighter pilot. I've pointed out that it requires military service which has its own set of baggage. And that he may be disqualified from the profession for reasons that are totally out of his control. But I also completely indulge any quests for knowledge or work related to pursuing his career and I help him seek out mentors who are willing to talk to him about a possible career.

*I know my kids are very young, so I also know that I don't have any experience seeing my kids through to launching into a career.

[Osprey]

On 9/22/2018 at 6:46 PM, Quill said:

If they are grown, did they go into that field? 

DS13 has a very specific idea of what he wants to study: marine biology. It’s interesting, though, because it’s not manifestly obvious that this is so important to him. IOW, it’s not like he has begged me for a marine aquarium (though we do have a tropical aquarium) or constantly pursues knowledge about this subject. If asked, though, he cites this as his dream job and believes he wants to attend the college dd currently attends, because it is known for marine biology. 

He is studying biology this year in our homeschool, but I wonder if I should be doing anything in particular to emphasize marine study. (We could go to the Aquarium in Baltimore, but besides that, I am not chock full of great ideas.) 

Do you do anything in particular when a kid makes claims like this? 

I haven’t read the rest of the replies, but my brother decided at about that age (maybe a little younger) that he wanted to be a doctor. My parents did nothing to encourage or discourage him. Our GP at the time was a family friend, and so my brother did ask to volunteer/intern in his office throughout high school. And my brother was always very gifted and especially interested in maths and sciences, so the school pushed him along in advanced coursework. 

So yes, some kids really do follow through on their early career dreams, and from my sample size of 1, what you do or don’t do to help them along really doesn’t make much difference.

[Guest]

3 hours ago, EmseB said:

I think that you can honestly discuss the negatives of a potential career field so that kids go into things eyes-wide-open, or decide against it, without denigrating careers for personal reasons. I grew up in the "You can be anything you want to be!" culture in school and I kind of resent that, FWIW.

At home things were more realistic. It is a family joke that once I told my mom I wanted to be a vet (because that was what every girl in my school who liked animals wanted to be growing up). She said, "You know you have to put your hands up animals' butts to do that job."  And that was the end of my romantic notions of being a vet. I tend to be more thankful for my mom's point than teachers who sugarcoated the idea that we all could do anything.

I have a kid who has his heart set on being a fighter pilot.* I have never discouraged him, but I've pointed out that it is a very selective field and even very hard workers and very good pilots have failed to make it through the process of becoming a fighter pilot. I've pointed out that it requires military service which has its own set of baggage. And that he may be disqualified from the profession for reasons that are totally out of his control. But I also completely indulge any quests for knowledge or work related to pursuing his career and I help him seek out mentors who are willing to talk to him about a possible career.

*I know my kids are very young, so I also know that I don't have any experience seeing my kids through to launching into a career.

I do, too, but even with that, I don’t do this with young kids. I only start talking about potential drawbacks of particular careers if/when it comes to choosing a college and pursuing a major. I do not actively discourage any of my younger kids from a particular career. 

I have a vivid memory from when I was less than ten years old. My sister and I watched a documentary on TV and my sister said joyfully, “When I grow up, I want to be an archeologist!” My mom said, “You don’t want to do that! They have to go to college for EIGHT WHOLE YEARS! And that’s after the TWELVE YEARS of regular school!” My sister looked crushed. The time it takes to get a doctorate seems like an eternity to a young kid. I will never do this to my kid. 

Of course once they are in high school, I will advise them of potential drawbacks. There are also some colleges or majors I will not pay for due to weak potential.

[Angie in VA]

2 hours ago, Quill said:

I do, too, but even with that, I don’t do this with young kids. I only start talking about potential drawbacks of particular careers if/when it comes to choosing a college and pursuing a major. I do not actively discourage any of my younger kids from a particular career. 

I have a vivid memory from when I was less than ten years old. My sister and I watched a documentary on TV and my sister said joyfully, “When I grow up, I want to be an archeologist!” My mom said, “You don’t want to do that! They have to go to college for EIGHT WHOLE YEARS! And that’s after the TWELVE YEARS of regular school!” My sister looked crushed. The time it takes to get a doctorate seems like an eternity to a young kid. I will never do this to my kid. 

Of course once they are in high school, I will advise them of potential drawbacks. There are also some colleges or majors I will not pay for due to weak potential.

 

This makes me so sad. Quick! Tell me your sister grew up and found a wonderful path. Please?

[Guest]

1 hour ago, Angie in VA said:

 

This makes me so sad. Quick! Tell me your sister grew up and found a wonderful path. Please?

Well, I think she is happy on the whole and is also a homeschooling mom. She, like I, went to college PT for years (and years) as an adult. She earned an Associates (as did I) and she was taking additional classes towards a Bachelor’s (I think in Sociology; not certain) but put that on hold when some things came up she needed to take care of. 

It’s a wild guess, but I imagine she is disappointed she did not go further. I am not sure if she still plans to pick it back up. 

For myself, I am disappointed I have not gone further. I am happy with my life in many ways, but I regret that I did not (or haven’t yet) taken my education as far as I could go. I think I have the potential but it is much harder at this point in my life. Many other things require my time, energy and attention. Some ships have sailed. 

[EmseB]

6 hours ago, Quill said:

I do, too, but even with that, I don’t do this with young kids. I only start talking about potential drawbacks of particular careers if/when it comes to choosing a college and pursuing a major. I do not actively discourage any of my younger kids from a particular career. 

I have a vivid memory from when I was less than ten years old. My sister and I watched a documentary on TV and my sister said joyfully, “When I grow up, I want to be an archeologist!” My mom said, “You don’t want to do that! They have to go to college for EIGHT WHOLE YEARS! And that’s after the TWELVE YEARS of regular school!” My sister looked crushed. The time it takes to get a doctorate seems like an eternity to a young kid. I will never do this to my kid. 

Of course once they are in high school, I will advise them of potential drawbacks. There are also some colleges or majors I will not pay for due to weak potential.

I guess it depends on what you mean by discourage and the context and the kid in question. My comments I've made about made about being a fighter pilot to my son have motivated him to work harder in school and study more about the future of military aviation and what he needs to aim for to have the best chances. The comment my mother made to me about being a vet made me realize I didn't want to be a vet, I just really liked puppies and kittens and budgies as pets. For some kids, the idea of studying a subject for eight years would be a feature, not a bug. I mean, in our house, my husband is trying to get back to school every chance he gets, so telling the kids they'd have to go to school for a long time to learn a profession wouldn't exactly be discouragement or a barrier to entry, if that makes sense. In fact, to go back to the OP, if my son told me he wanted to be a marine biologist, we'd likely go look up what kind of awesome classes he'd be taking in college and how long he'd have to (get to) go to school to make a living out of it. What does he picture marine biologists do? What do they actually do? Do those things line up? What can you be studying now to see if you are really interested? That sort of thing. But the reality of the career might discourage him from pursuing it because he discovers that it's not what he thought it was or something else, but certainly my intentions would not be discouragement. I would be happy if he figured out that's not really what he's interested in.

I grew up in an era of "you can be whatever you want to be!" and I honestly sort of resent it. When it came down to it, no, I could not. Money, talent, disposition, work ethic, availability of the desired jobs...there are so many factors. Of course I'm not telling my 5yo who wants to be an astronaut that he's living a pipe dream. But I'm not going to wait until it's time to go to college to discuss the realities of desiring that career field, especially if he seems to really have his heart set on it before then. If anything, my goal would be to help lower or minimize disappointment later on and promote the ideas that to do most anything cool, you have to work really hard, and because your parents are solidly middle class we have to work together to figure out how to finance your goals. Again, not at 5, 6, 7 years old, but maybe around 10 or 11, but definitely before high school because, for example, getting into a service academy requires a really strong high school record all the way through. And even then, one might not make it and one needs to be prepared for that reality and anticipate dealing with it. This isn't, "You shouldn't try," it is more of "You have to work really, really hard to have a shot at this, and even people who work really, really hard sometimes can't control the outcome."

[Guest]

5 hours ago, EmseB said:

I guess it depends on what you mean by discourage and the context and the kid in question. My comments I've made about made about being a fighter pilot to my son have motivated him to work harder in school and study more about the future of military aviation and what he needs to aim for to have the best chances. The comment my mother made to me about being a vet made me realize I didn't want to be a vet, I just really liked puppies and kittens and budgies as pets. For some kids, the idea of studying a subject for eight years would be a feature, not a bug. I mean, in our house, my husband is trying to get back to school every chance he gets, so telling the kids they'd have to go to school for a long time to learn a profession wouldn't exactly be discouragement or a barrier to entry, if that makes sense. In fact, to go back to the OP, if my son told me he wanted to be a marine biologist, we'd likely go look up what kind of awesome classes he'd be taking in college and how long he'd have to (get to) go to school to make a living out of it. What does he picture marine biologists do? What do they actually do? Do those things line up? What can you be studying now to see if you are really interested? That sort of thing. But the reality of the career might discourage him from pursuing it because he discovers that it's not what he thought it was or something else, but certainly my intentions would not be discouragement. I would be happy if he figured out that's not really what he's interested in.

I grew up in an era of "you can be whatever you want to be!" and I honestly sort of resent it. When it came down to it, no, I could not. Money, talent, disposition, work ethic, availability of the desired jobs...there are so many factors. Of course I'm not telling my 5yo who wants to be an astronaut that he's living a pipe dream. But I'm not going to wait until it's time to go to college to discuss the realities of desiring that career field, especially if he seems to really have his heart set on it before then. If anything, my goal would be to help lower or minimize disappointment later on and promote the ideas that to do most anything cool, you have to work really hard, and because your parents are solidly middle class we have to work together to figure out how to finance your goals. Again, not at 5, 6, 7 years old, but maybe around 10 or 11, but definitely before high school because, for example, getting into a service academy requires a really strong high school record all the way through. And even then, one might not make it and one needs to be prepared for that reality and anticipate dealing with it. This isn't, "You shouldn't try," it is more of "You have to work really, really hard to have a shot at this, and even people who work really, really hard sometimes can't control the outcome."

I agree with everything in this post. My post about not discouraging was a response to Sk8ermaiden. She said she “heavily discouraged” the career of doctor due to expense of schooling, mapractice, work-life balance, etc. Personally, I wouldn’t do that. In high school, of course I would discuss realities such as helping kid predict the debt load and making it clear that we could only pay for this much. If the kid was a fainter, I would surely discuss this problem; doctors can’t faint because someone’s ear infection was really, truly gross. 

I have actually been through walking this sort of line with my two older kids. My first child is an exceptionally talented artist, so in high school, everyone, including her art teacher, told her she should study art/go to art and design school. Eventually, I told her I was not paying for her to get a degree at design school. A) I can’t afford a $36k/year tuition and B) she can do all the art she wants and not spend a dime and C) she needs to pursue something that reasonably could lead to paying work. 

[Angie in VA]

9 hours ago, Quill said:

Well, I think she is happy on the whole and is also a homeschooling mom. She, like I, went to college PT for years (and years) as an adult. She earned an Associates (as did I) and she was taking additional classes towards a Bachelor’s (I think in Sociology; not certain) but put that on hold when some things came up she needed to take care of. 

It’s a wild guess, but I imagine she is disappointed she did not go further. I am not sure if she still plans to pick it back up. 

For myself, I am disappointed I have not gone further. I am happy with my life in many ways, but I regret that I did not (or haven’t yet) taken my education as far as I could go. I think I have the potential but it is much harder at this point in my life. Many other things require my time, energy and attention. Some ships have sailed. 

 

I hear you! Actually, I wish I'd gotten an AA (instead of my BA) and gone a  completely different route altogether. I look back with huge regrets and see how it would have been a better fit at every turn and life change, including now that I'm an empty nester.

'If only___"  is a sad game to play. We have to trust that it's all for some purpose. *Heavy sigh*

(((Quill & Sis))) 

[KatieJ]

We did a tour of the engineering department of local college when my son was 11 or 12. He wanted to sign up that day a get started as he knew he would want to study all areas of engineering. His father is non degreed engineer and works in production facilities with responsibilities for maintenance support, mechanical support, new builds, utilities, environmental, CAD, etc, so it makes sense our son was interested in everything.

When he graduated he no longer was sure of specific field except he loves computers. After a year of college he took a few years to goof off, work, drive a fancy car, start up his own computer repair business, get married and have a child. When he did end up back  at school he excelled and graduated with a degree in computer engineering and a huge resume. He is doing very very well.

Edited October 6, 2018 by KatieinMich

[Mabelen]

My husband wanted to be a zoologist since he can remember. He was a huge bird watcher, and was fascinated by all things animals. He ended up studying marine biology to the PhD level. Then, the reality of the field and huge research cuts forced him to move onto a different side of biology. He worked in research for about 10 years, then hopped off the academic track into private industry. 

My oldest went into college undeclared. My husband had a really hard time understanding how anyone could not know what they wanted to do! My daughter did know that she wanted to work helping children somehow. She eventually declared sociology. She just graduated last June and is now working in a university admissions department. She is planning to do a masters to go into school counseling. 

My 14 year old would love to do music, but she feels that field is too competitive to find professional success. She has shown some interest in landscape architecture, botany, and now astronomy and atmospheric sciences. Work very much still in progress. I am just trying to keep doors open and to be a helpful guide in her journey.

I used to dream of having my own school as a little girl. I ended up majoring in modern languages, working in software localization, then teaching.

[Scarlett]

My step son who is 17 has known he wanted to be a chef---at least in all the time I've known him which is since he was 9.  He still wants to be even after working washing dishes in a resort kitchen and starting his second year of a vo tech culinary arts program.  He is aware the hours can be horrible and the pay can be not great, but he thinks he can find an avenue to limit those negatives.  

My son on the other hand.....only after doing a CAD vo tech program (his junior and senior year of high school) did he begin to really think he would like engineering.  

It is difficult to not influence them one way or another.