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Dr. Hive? teen with borderline personality disorder


sgo95
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I have a dear homeschooling friend whose 16 yr old daughter has been having a very tough time.  There have been serious suicidal thoughts and multiple stays in psychiatric hospitals.  Her psychiatrist has diagnosed her with borderline personality disorder and my friend believes her daughter has never processed the traumas in her life (from early childhood and a more recent assault...nothing caused by my friend).  They are trying to find a residential program for her.  Two facilities were mentioned to my friend but after looking at reviews of them on yelp, she is concerned that they are not going to be able to help her.  Does anyone have any experience, recommendations, words of wisdom?  Thanks so much, Hive.

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The wisdom I would have is to not take reviews on yelp for medical problems seriously. Usually only dissatisfied people post reviews, and yelp is not generally known for medical wisdom, so to speak. What organization licenses psychiatric hospitals in the state? It would be something like health or human services. I would start there to see if there are any outstanding issues regarding licensure, and I would also ask for a copy of the most recent survey. Also, take into consideration who is making the recommendations - do they have the background and experience in the field necessary to make such a recommendation? If so, then that should be taken into consideration. Visit each facility and ask questions about safety, medication security, qualifications of staff members, ratio of various staff members, ongoing staff training, daily schedules, therapy type/philosophy, family involvement, discharge planning procedure, procedure for leaving AMA, etc.. Sadly, with psychiatry, it may come down to who has an open bed in their program, so she should ask about wait lists as well. 

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BPD is a diagnosis of exclusion.... or at least it was... so honestly, I kind of question the diagnosis when I hear it. It is given to women more than men.   It's a real disease, though. DBT is commonly used.  Personally, to process trauma, you can also look at EMDR and art therapy as well.

It's really tough to find good residential treatment centers period.  There are people who work to help place kids.. her psychiatrist may know of somebody.   Another option may be a partial-hospitalization plan.... where kids come to the hospital for intensive therapy during the day and return home.

I would ask a local children's hospital for recommendations. 

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Pretty sure personality disorders cannot be diagnosed in teens, because they are by nature immature.  I think DBT is a great program, and I think all teens should go through it as part of school.  I’d look for a program that utilizes it.  But yeah, a lot is going to come down to insurance and money. 

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17 minutes ago, StellaM said:

 

Dear friend, when you are reading, I also just wanted to send you my best wishes. I know how hard it is dealing with behaviours that result in a diagnosis of BPD traits. You and your family are not alone.

 

I agree.  And if you haven't yet, you might want to read Boundaries and Stop Walking on Eggshells for your own mental health. And whether it's ethical to diagnose a teen with a personality disorder or not probably doesn't matter, especially because there are now behavioral therapies that DO help.  Since what we want is to change the behavior, that's what matters.

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17 minutes ago, Katy said:

 

I agree.  And if you haven't yet, you might want to read Boundaries and Stop Walking on Eggshells for your own mental health. And whether it's ethical to diagnose a teen with a personality disorder or not probably doesn't matter, especially because there are now behavioral therapies that DO help.  Since what we want is to change the behavior, that's what matters.

Ditto the Stop Walking on Eggshells book.  A psychiatrist who specializes in personality disorders once told me that BPD is usually seen in people who are both very intelligent and extremely sensitive.  I've heard really great things about DBT, and wish I could get a loved one to participate in this myself!  Best of luck to you!

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1 hour ago, sgo95 said:

Thank so much, all.  I thought that if anyone could give sound advice, it would be the hive. 

I will direct my friend to the thread so she can read the responses.

 

Be careful if you think she might do a search for BPD on this forum. Most of the threads about it are filled with people saying some extremely unkind and downright cruel things about people with personality disorders, mostly NPD and BPD. If I had a child who might have BPD and I came here to read about it, I'd be sobbing inside of ten minutes.

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3 hours ago, Katy said:

 

I agree.  And if you haven't yet, you might want to read Boundaries and Stop Walking on Eggshells for your own mental health. And whether it's ethical to diagnose a teen with a personality disorder or not probably doesn't matter, especially because there are now behavioral therapies that DO help.  Since what we want is to change the behavior, that's what matters.

Third the recommendation for "Stop Walking on Eggshells."  (Haven't read the other one.)  Extremely helpful in dealing with all personality disorders, IMHO.  

So for the friend...not exactly the same... but I had a teen with oppositional defiant disorder, anxiety, suicidal thoughts, and depression.  It's been two years now, and things have gotten a lot better.  My insurance was crap, and I ended up cash paying for a therapist....but honestly we found the best fit for us.  She works out of a local church, and actually a friend posted on Facebook looking for recommendations for another friend and somebody responded to her thread.  I contacted her....and it was a great fit.  She referred us to a psychiatrist that did take our insurance, and meds have helped as well (although it took almost a year to find the right one.)  

It does get better. ❤️ 

https://www.nami.org  is a good resource too for support. 

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