help us downsize

[kfeusse]

My husband and I have been in the same place for 20 years.  In those 20 years we have had 3 kids that are all now high schoolers. In those 20 years we  have accumulated A LOT of stuff. We live in a big 3 story house, with a a garage and a shed FULL of stuff. 

We know that in the next 5-7 years my husband will most likely retire and we will be moving.  I know that at some point we will need to go through our things and decide what is worth moving and what is not and I don't want to leave it all until that time.  I want to start whittling away at it now.  So how do I do that?  Does anybody have any thoughts or ideas on how do go about doing that. 

I am much more of a thrower than my husband is.  He likes to keep things "just in case"...and sometimes those things have come in handy, so I can't fault him all of the time for that thought process, however, I think there are some things that can go. I tend to go through my things (the kitchen, bathroom, my clothes etc) more often than he does...probably because I am home more.  And yes, there have been times where I have tossed something and then later regretted it...but at the time, it was just taking up space and collecting dust.  Like, who knew that my daughter was going to develop a corn allergy and that ice cream maker that we never used to use, could be very helpful to her now.  But, we will just buy another one sometime. 

So, can anybody help us?  We are not hoarders...we have just lived in the same home for 20 years...thanks.

[school17777]

I would start by reading “Clutter’s Last Stand” by Don Aslett.  That will get you in a decluttering mood!

Are you up to a garage sale, or do you want to just donate?  Decide which you are going to do and set a date.  If you choose to donate, you can contact Greendrop or whoever services your area for a pick up.  Either way, start going through your stuff and setting it aside.

[Annie G]

We did it in phases and it actually took us years.  We went through and did one sweep of decluttering, and boxed up some stuff we were hedging on. After a year we opened the boxes and re-evaluated whether we needed this stuff. for the record, my kitchen stuff was difficult. I made a box and added and reclaimed stuff for about two years until I was finally at peace at donating it all. 

Dh wants to keep a LOT of stuff so we have to keep going through his stuff and after several passes, he generally works through his issues. Sometimes he wants to keep something ‘just in case’ and sometimes it’s because he spent money on it and hasn’t used it, or it was a gift, or from his childhood...but after multiple passes he usually makes a good decision.  But it’s been so hard! When I box things that he’s keeping due to emotion or ‘maybe one day I’ll use it’ I also put a small piece of red tape on the box. When he sees all the boxes w red tape, he realizes he’s keeping a lot of stuff that he probably should reconsider.  (I use red/yellow/green to label boxes so I can unpack easier when we move)

Downsizing is hard because you don’t yet know what your life will look like. large family meals often or rarely? That impacts what you need for dishes, etc. but it’s so hard to know what to expect. 

‘So...long winded story just to say to give it time. It’s probably not a quick decluttering and it’s ok to take your time. For me, pushing too hard means I’ll toss things I want or keep things I can probably let go of simply because I’m overwhelmed. 

[cjzimmer1]

It took me 4 years to do a massive decluttering and I wasn't even moving.  Granted I still have littles around and that slows the process but I would definitely really start evaluating the possessions you have.  While the "spark joy" didn't really work for me it did get me thinking as to "why" I was holding on to certain items. Once I started evaluating things more objectively (aka do I actually use this or is there some emotional reason I still have this item), I could really pare things down.  I need to go through the house again because I've gotten much better at releasing things than when I first started.  

I wasn't about to haul all of one category out like KonMari suggests it was still helpful to go through by category.  I didn't even start with clothes but pick an area and really think how often you use something in a category and is that item relevant to your current and future life.  Example right now I have a lot of bulky canning stuff, it stays because I have a lot of mouths to feed and it's so much cheaper to can it but I can guarantee you when most of my kids are gone I'll be ditching it.  I don't love canning and once our food needs are less, I'll just freeze whatever we need.  So in your shoes, I'd start with everything not relevant to raising teens/empty nester.  It's okay to keep a few favorite toys or momentos but ditch anything else that is still around for younger kids (books, clothes, toys, crafts etc). And then pick another category and just start thinking about what is actually needed now and for the near future.  Try very hard not to keep things "just in case" because that is the enemy of decluttering.

[MysteryJen]

I started with the easy stuff for me, such as maternity clothes, broken things that were cheap to replace if needed, old toys that aren't precious, clothes that didn't fit, etc. Once you get into the spirit of downsizing, it gets easier.

[Starfish]

We're currently decluttering again.  The last is off to college next year, and we've lived in our home for nineteen years.  We started in the garage with obvious items like leftover paint from ten years ago, the large chest freezer, extra sports equipment, etc.  We knew we wouldn't need those things again.  Then I started using up the extra things like detergent, shampoo, soap, etc.  I had always kept extra but don't need to keep as much on hand since we're a smaller family now.  Those two things have opened up a lot of space. Now I really need to pare down the toys and books that I've kept for the grandkids.  That's been much harder to do! 

Edited September 17, 2018 by Starfish

[prairiewindmomma]

I think a lot of people begin bottom up from cleaning (Do I still need this?) but it may be a helpful exercise to think about things from a top down perspective (What kind of retirement life and home do I want to have?). I found that I owned a lot of aspirational items (I wish I had time to sew and craft) but that when I had an hour or two of free time that I really wanted to read or hike. Kind of a mismatch, right?!! I also owned a ton of seasonal decorations that I really hated getting out and having to put back. I have one small box of Christmas stuff now and it’s perfect.

We got rid of more than half of what we owned three years ago and we have had two huge cross-country moves since then which necessitates further purges. 

I suspect that I will continue to maintain and carve away at things as I can. I am getting older and tireder and I foresee a time when we will downsize into a 2 bedroom condo and own even less. I am just kind of over “stuff”. I have better things to do than clean and maintain it all.

Edited September 17, 2018 by prairiewindmomma

[Chris in VA]

Just decluttered our attic. In two days, I went thru 30 big bins. We are down to about 10 or so, plus some boxes. We also decluttered books. We gave away 200 so far, plus filled 2 boxes for one son and 1 for the other. We still have PLENTY. 

I literally said to myself, "If I want to keep it, I can keep it. If I want to let it go, I can let it go." IKR? lol Duh. But I had to give myself permission to be ok with not being ready to part with some things, and also tell myself it's ok not to keep some things. So I saved a few baby clothes, some college papers, some old letters, and I let go of some things from family friends (old mounted photos for the wall I never really liked, or don't like anymore, for instance) and some things that tied me to the past. We pitched the crib. That was really hard, because it means giving up the idea of grands ever using it. The hardest thing to me to let go of are my teaching supplies from preschool--I have about 14 bins of those (but I used everything--I never used what the school supplied! lol). So I"m keeping them for a little while yet. I don't know what the future holds. 

I declutter best quickly. I allow tears. 

I will say that I came upon bin after bin of...well, crap. "Here, hold the bag...DUMP" Some of it was extremely easy to let go of. 

Then I got a bit stuck and overwhelmed. Now I'm just trying to finish, and I think I'm done tossing and sorting and I'm just going to box up stuff. I'll do more another time in another place. 

Good luck! It is freeing, actually--just think of that clean clear space! Think of who you could bless with your stuff! Or just toss it and be done and move the heck on. ?

 

 

[Hoggirl]

OP - good for you for thinking ahead!

One challenge that you may have in your journey is not knowing exactly what your downsize is going to look like - do you know how much you plan to downsize?  We downsized from a 4,300 sq ft house to a 3,450 sq to house (not that much of a downsize) to a 935 sq ft condo (a MAJOR downsize). We owned the condo as a vacation spot for us, so we knew what our end goal looked like space-wise.  If you don’t yet know that, it makes it a bit more challenging with some categories of things.  So, I would start with just getting rid of things you know you simply do not want or use.  

Also, I think it is best to determine what type of decluttering works best for you and your husband.  Do you work best by steady time (working an hour a day), jam-packed time (doing a major purge over a weekend), areas of the house either large (doing the kitchen, attic, or garage all at once) or small (doing one cabinet or drawer at a time), or by category of items (a la KonMari style)?  Different personalities do better with different approaches to decluttering.  I would read a couple of books and find a style that resonates with you.

As far as your husband goes, it sounds like he struggles a lot with the sunk costs in items.  One way to combat that mindset is to think about replacement cost as you purge.  As an example, I decided I only needed one pie plate when I purged.  At Thanksgiving, I realized that had been an error.  Well, it was only four bucks to buy another pie plate!  If it isn’t going to cost much to replace something if you toss it, then toss it.  I also consider how often I use items.  When I moved to our 3,450 sq ft house, I took my KitchenAid mixer with me.  It sat in the cabinet untouched for three years!  I gave it to a single mom who does baking on the side to supplement her income. 

I am not a fan of garage sales and the like.  I am all about the easy button which means going through the drive through at the Goodwill.  However, when we did the major downsize, we had a living estate auction and sold all of our furnishings. One benefit of an auction is that EVERYTHING goes.  I sold our baby grand piano separately, and also kept furniture we needed for the temporary apartment we were in until we made the final out-of-state move. I realize you are not ready to purge furnishings since you will still be in your large house for awhile.  Just throwing that idea out there. 

Good luck!

[kbutton]

One thing that has helped me is to have my stuff "fit" a certain space. So, if I really have only one closet to devote to crafts, it all has to fit--I can choose to donate items, use up items, repurpose items, etc. based on the space I have. 

I know you won't necessarily store all of your items the same way in a new house, but it might help you cut down on some things in the present.

I would monitor my purchases carefully in the next few years and be really strategic.

I think, as other posters have mentioned, that putting things aside as a test to see if you need them is really powerful. We do that, and it helps a great deal.

I also think that for some things you need more of, but only once per year, like the pie plate a previous poster mentioned, you could also opt to store "company/get-together ready" items in their own place. They aren't in the way day-to-day, and they are organized for those sorts of get-togethers. If that's the kitchen, fine--you can use that to determine how much kitchen space you need in a new house potentially. Another option is to put it all in a box in a storage area, and when you think about storage in your new home, you can get an idea of how much storage you need. 

ANY organization that makes it easier to make decisions later is really, really helpful. You might even rank things you aren't ready to get rid of now--if you have five boxes of tools, and you use 3 consistently, then you can rank the last two, do a quick check at some point whether you're still okay with that ranking, and then put those in your yard sale, donate it, etc. in order of what you find easiest to part with. Or, you can rehome things carefully over time using those priorities, and when it's time to move, everything you didn't manage to rehome goes in a sale or gets donated. 

More fun than a yard sale--organize a free "sale." Our old church did a Caring Through Sharing event one week every year. The gym was made available and set with tables. Church members brought their stuff to drop off all week long, and they could pick up things they wanted all week long. At the end of the week, the gym was open to the community. They advertised locally, and 90% of the stuff that was left for the community was gone in the first hour!!! 

I don't Kon Mari anything, but I do tend to need to see/gather (can be with photos if that's easier) all the things I have in a category so that I can think about what I really need. I always "find" something I had forgotten about, repurpose things, or realize there are things that can easily go--they've "expired" in their usefulness for us.

Oh, alternate easier and harder tasks--you could do one hard task for every three easy ones, but use the easy tasks to give you a break or for when you don't have a lot time.

When you are finished with one area/type of decluttering, know what you want to do next and get prepped for it (boxes, space to sort, etc.) so that it's easy to pick right up and do it when you have time. 

[HS Mom in NC]

We downsized by 50+% and moved across the country this year.

Different people think differently, and they transition from a larger family to a smaller one at different rates depending on when the kids move out, so here are different approaches:

1. Percentage approach: Pick a percentage as a guideline.  If I want to cut down by 1/2 or 50%, that means for every item I keep, I get rid of an item. If I need to do it by 1/3 or 33%, that means for every 2 items I keep, I get rid of 1 item. This sometimes helps people who are anxious about lots of things going out the door at once.  They can go back and forth reassuring themselves that yes, they're getting rid of these two (ack!) but they're keeping this one (yay!) It's easier to do this by category like clothes and seasonal decor.

2. Future space now approach:  If you're in a 5 bedroom with a loft and 3 baths, but you're planning on going to a 3 bedroom with 2 baths and no loft, scale down now.  Start by getting rid of the things in the loft and/or a bedroom then another. Next work on scaling down to 2 baths.  This one is a little harder if the kids are still at home when you start but won't be when you move.

3. Phase of life approach: Ask yourself which phases of life you'll never be in again.  (Life with littles, hardcore hiking/backpacking/canyoneering, teapot collecting, knife throwing, scrapbooking, birdhouse building, Yiddish literature, high heels, yodelling lessons, etc.) If you have stuff to do those things and you haven't used them in the last year, you won't. Focus on keeping things you want to do when you're an emptynester.

4. But maybes: Find out how much it will actually cost you to move it.  Compare that number with the cost of replacing it after you move ONLY if you actually need it.  If you're still unsure put it in a box and make a list of what's in each box.  If you really need it you'll be able to find it later. The stuff you don't dig out you don't need.

5. Digitally photograph memory triggers: People using the object to pull up a memory, a photo will do the same thing.  Upload them to a photo service and have them put in a hardback book and sent to you.  There are options where you don't have to select an image for each page individually, it happens automatically.

6. FB Marketplace is your friend.  It's so easy to use a smartphone to put things on FB marketplace.  If you're willing to be realistic about price, you can clear out a lot.

7. Tap into hobby groups: I had a friend whose father downsized after his wife died.  They quilted for decades so there was a lot of stuff.  She posted on FB asking if anyone wanted it and I told her I was willing to pick up anything she didn't get rid of and take it to my quilter's guild meeting.  I had 3 tables set up (soooo much stuff) and put up a "free to good home" sign.  All but a few items were taken in the hour after the meeting.

[Ottakee]

I have done it several ways.  One way was

1.  A box for donation

2.  A trash bag/box

3.  A basket for stuff that needed to be put away elsewhere in the house.

I had someone helping me and I started in one area of the room and moved around it as quickly as I could.  Having someone else there to run donations to the car, geab a new trash bag, etc wA great.....and kept me on task.

Now I am doing a MAJOR dejunking....going from 3000 sq ft. 5 bed, 4 bath on 5 acres with 2 pole barns to 1200sq feet 3 bed 1 1/2 bath in the city.   Basically anything I can't envision a new place for new in the new house goes.  Most books were donated to a homeschool family and a friend with a little library.  excess bikes, furniture, house wears, etc all got donated before I knew I would be having an auction.

I am now having an auction to liquidate all of ex husband's tools, vehicles, trailers, etc.  I am also throwing anything in the auction that I don't want to move.

I have given extra Bibles to friends, donated most DVDs to the public library (tax deduction), given coats and other outerwear to other a program from refugee families in the area, etc.  I even threw away all but my senior year of yearbooks.  Haven't looked at them in years so out they went.

I now tend to think "what is the worst that can happen if I don't have this at the new house".....and if it isn't horrible then it doesn't make the move.  Most stuff can be easily boughten or borrowed if I ever do need it again 

 

....and often if you store things for years they aren't in the best condition by the time.you need them anyway.

[solascriptura]

I would start with things that you know you will never "need" again.  This might include baby clothes, toys, homeschool books or maybe books in general, old magazines, your clothes and maybe your husband's clothes.   It's important to be patient and know that it's not going to be done overnight.  It will take some time and you may even find yourself going over the same things over and over again.  One important thing to remember that while you are culling your stuff, don't bring more stuff in!