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lynn

Introvert I am

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And tomorrow i have to go to ds' fiancee shower.  Her family and friends have lived in the same area for over 20 years.  There are 40 of her people invited and only my sister, dd and great-niece will be the only people I will know.  We are being supportive of my ds so I will go but yikes.... Anxiety has started.   

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hugs... that is hard.  I had a niece who had that many at her shower and in a small house.  It was overwhelming.  I think my new DIL had nearly that much, but it was a garden shower and in a lovely historic location... so it didn't feel so overwhelming.  

Hope you have a good time. 

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I would feel the same way.  Upon arrival I look for the nearest corner to go stand in.  I smile and try not to count down the seconds until I can leave.  Then I need a nice long nap to recover (i am also HSP on top of being introverted) ....

I may not be the best one to be posting on this thread.....my behavior is probably not a good example at all.

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I hear you! Can it be a time limited visit ? 

Helping in the kitchen or stepping out into the garden for some fresh air or visiting the bathroom are my 'moment of recharge' tactics.

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Maybe bring your camera & use it as an excuse to hang around the periphery & take some great pix?

Agreeing with OP to help with some part of the shower (esp. food prep, & cleanup).

Your presence will mean a lot to future dil.

 

 

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I understand. Usually at things like that I either find another introvert who likes one on one conversation and have a nice chat here and there between eating, clapping about presents, etc, or I situate myself near extroverts who are so busy talking to each other that they don't notice I'm not talking, just smiling and nodding in the right places. I prefer the one on one, but at least the second option helps me not feel as awkward, and I sometimes learn interesting things.

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Totally been there. I agree with the advice to try to find something to do. I recently went to an event where I only knew one person besides the guests of honor. The first thing I did was asked if there was anything I could help with and, mercifully, there was. There were plates and napkins to arrange, decorations that still needed to be hung and food that still needed placement. By the time I did all that, they soon prayed and people started getting food. 

I also bring my camera and I do use that if there is not an opening to get to know other guests. 

Lastly, I keep in mind that a lot of people are equally nervous and uncertain. I literally pretend I am an extrovert. I call it “channeling my mom,” who never met a stranger, only new friends. Getting out of my head helps me not to go down that self-talk road of, “What am I doing here? Everyone else is friends, but I’m the outsider!” One hackneyed question I use is, “So, how do you know (host)?” Many times this leads into something to talk about. If they say, “work,” you can ask about the work. Church, same thing. Kids, sports, whatever. 

Good luck! 

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17 minutes ago, Quill said:

Totally been there. I agree with the advice to try to find something to do. I recently went to an event where I only knew one person besides the guests of honor. The first thing I did was asked if there was anything I could help with and, mercifully, there was. There were plates and napkins to arrange, decorations that still needed to be hung and food that still needed placement. By the time I did all that, they soon prayed and people started getting food. 

I also bring my camera and I do use that if there is not an opening to get to know other guests. 

Lastly, I keep in mind that a lot of people are equally nervous and uncertain. I literally pretend I am an extrovert. I call it “channeling my mom,” who never met a stranger, only new friends. Getting out of my head helps me not to go down that self-talk road of, “What am I doing here? Everyone else is friends, but I’m the outsider!” One hackneyed question I use is, “So, how do you know (host)?” Many times this leads into something to talk about. If they say, “work,” you can ask about the work. Church, same thing. Kids, sports, whatever. 

Good luck! 


All of this! 

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45 minutes ago, Quill said:

Lastly, I keep in mind that a lot of people are equally nervous and uncertain. I literally pretend I am an extrovert. I call it “channeling my mom,” who never met a stranger, only new friends. 

This is hilarious! I pretend to be an extrovert when I need to, too. My kids think I can make friends with anyone in moments even though I've explained repeatedly how out of my comfort zone I feel in these situations. Recently, my oldest was outgoing and polite at an activity. She explained that she channeled her inner mom. Ha!

I Good luck, OP! I'd use of of the few people you do know (sister, dd) as a safe buddy to retreat to when you need a break.

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5 hours ago, RootAnn said:

This is hilarious! I pretend to be an extrovert when I need to, too. My kids think I can make friends with anyone in moments even though I've explained repeatedly how out of my comfort zone I feel in these situations. Recently, my oldest was outgoing and polite at an activity. She explained that she channeled her inner mom. Ha!

I Good luck, OP! I'd use of of the few people you do know (sister, dd) as a safe buddy to retreat to when you need a break.

My dd interviewed for a job (restaurant) this summer. They asked her after looking at her application “ I see you’re in a drama group? That must mean that you’re like talking with people?”

dd answered: “well. No. But I can pretend really well”

they loved her answer, and said “that’s all we ask.” 

She got the job and they’ve been very happy with how she’s done there.

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On 9/8/2018 at 6:49 AM, Quill said:

 One hackneyed question I use is, “So, how do you know (host)?” Many times this leads into something to talk about. If they say, “work,” you can ask about the work. Church, same thing. Kids, sports, whatever.

Thank you, Quill.
My dh & I host our son's Rehearsal Dinner for 85 people next Friday . . . and we know one groomsmen on the list (besides our nuclear family).
This will be a wonderful way to lead into a conversation then!

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 I'll go the opposite of everyone's advice.

I am not an introvert at all (I am not an extrovert either, actually) but if I am at a setting where I don't know anyone, I don't try to force any conversations, I just watch people. So, in your situation I would make sure to say a few nice words to future DIL, compliment on a nice gathering and then just find a comfy seat, eat some cake and not to stress about being "on".

Also, I am no Miss Manners, but I think it should be upon the "crowd" to make an "outsider" feel welcome, ESPECIALLY since that person is future MIL of the groom.  So, allow them to be gracious hosts and come to you. 

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