Jump to content

Menu
Giving You and Your Child a Road Map to the Best Possible Education
The Well-Trained Mind Community

And now, on top of everything else, I have to start looking over my shoulder

Home'scool

By Home'scool,
in The Chat Board

 Share

Recommended Posts

Home'scool

Home'scool

Posted
Posted

So my divorce saga continues. .... 

We are scheduled to go back to court at the end of September. This time it is to ask for an increase in my temporary alimony because my STBX is making a lot more money this year than last year. Or maybe it's because we are entering into our 4TH YEAR of dealing with this so we have to make an adjustment because it has been so long!

Because he has never, ever, cut me a check personally to pay alimony - he went six months without paying, then I got a lump sum when we sold the house, and then the rest of my weekly alimony payments came from his half of the profits of the house that the lawyer is holding - and now his half of the profits are gone. So my lawyer is going to petition to have the alimony taken directly out of his paycheck. They don't normally do that for the temporary order but nothing about this case is normal.

His lawyer (his 3rd lawyer, the last two fired him because he refuses to do anything) said back in June that we would have a response to my settlement offer by the beginning of July. It is now almost September and I have received nothing. His lawyer says my STBX keeps "editing and editing and re-editing and re-editing."

And now, for some reason, my STBX decided it was a great idea to storm into my lawyer's office on Thursday afternoon and demand to see her. My lawyer, per ethics, cannot speak to him, just like I cannot call his lawyer and speak with him. The poor receptionist tried to tell him that but he refused to leave. She was so scared she almost called 911. Finally they contacted his lawyer who called him and must have convinced him to leave.

This worries me for so many reasons. He does not live or work anywhere near my lawyer so he had to drive at least an hour to get there. He has worked with enough lawyers to know that my lawyer is barred from speaking to him (he is an expert witness for his company and has testified in many cases) so I have no idea what he was expecting. He is a Senior Vice President and travels all over the world for business -- you would think he would act more professionally. I also do not know what exactly he wanted to speak to my lawyer about. It's all so irrational.

I can't get a restraining order because he hasn't done anything to me directly. I do know that all of his stalling, all of his different lawyers, all of his contempt charges, and now this, will all look better for me in court. But I just worry that he may show up at my work or my home. Thank goodness my nephew lives with me and is a police officer ... at least I have that!

 

 

 

 

  • Haha 1
  • Sad 20
Link to comment
Share on other sites
maize

maize

Posted
Posted (edited)

Wow.

Irrational and unpredictable indeed. I am glad your nephew lives with you.

I think I would vary my schedule and avoid being alone. Put up surveillance cameras.

Sounds paranoid but this situation calls for legitimate caution.

Edited by maize
  • Like 4
Link to comment
Share on other sites
RootAnn

RootAnn

Posted
Posted

Does his lawyer know your lawyer is going to ask for the money to come out of his paycheck directly? I ask because some people who are very highly thought of at work (like it sounds like your X is) get REALLY irrational and upset at anything that might make them look bad at work. The threat of getting his paycheck garnished - thus calling attention to his poor behavior - could have caused him to act in this crazy way.

That's what I thought of when I saw your post. . . He doesn't want to look bad to the bosses at work. (I would guess that the financial dept of his company won't blink an eye and the bosses won't even know, but he might not see it that way.) 

  • Like 7
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Liz CA

Liz CA

Posted
Posted (edited)
46 minutes ago, Carol in Cal. said:

Ugh.  Are you sure you can’t get a restraining order?  Because this situation sounds really dangerous.

 

Thinking along the same lines here. Check out restraining order, no contact order, stay away order. These are all slightly different - some carry legal implications some carry civil penalties BUT it's not about penalties because as we all know the piece of paper does not protect your physically. It does however, provide an official record that becomes part of the court case - and should he appear at your house or work, you should be able to have some recourse as in calling police and showing them the document.

Edited by Liz CA
  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites
umsami

umsami

Posted
Posted (edited)

I am worried for you.  I'm glad your nephew lives with you.

I would talk to your lawyer (yeah, I know $$$) about what legal steps can be taken.  At minimum, I would think that the receptionist experience could somehow be documented.  

You can install a Ring doorbell and security cameras for not a lot of money.  I would consider doing that if you don't already have a security system.

 

If you are looking for humor to get through this, I highly recommend Chump Lady (www.chumplady.com  also on FaceBook.)  A lot about dealing with narcissists, cheaters, etc.  

Edited by umsami
  • Like 5
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Home'scool

Home'scool

Posted
  • Author
Posted
Quote

Does his lawyer know your lawyer is going to ask for the money to come out of his paycheck directly? I ask because some people who are very highly thought of at work (like it sounds like your X is) get REALLY irrational and upset at anything that might make them look bad at work. The threat of getting his paycheck garnished - thus calling attention to his poor behavior - could have caused him to act in this crazy way.

I'm thinking this may have been what made him freak out. When our marriage was struggling he did not want to go to counseling because he was worried it would show up on our insurance. But I just don't know what he thought my attorney would do or say. It is only because he has REFUSED to pay the court ordered alimony so what the heck does he think will happen? 

  • Like 5
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Scarlett

Scarlett

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, Home'scool said:

I'm thinking this may have been what made him freak out. When our marriage was struggling he did not want to go to counseling because he was worried it would show up on our insurance. But I just don't know what he thought my attorney would do or say. It is only because he has REFUSED to pay the court ordered alimony so what the heck does he think will happen? 

Powerful, important men often respond this way.  They do not believe the rules apply to them.  He thinks his money is his and you have no right to it.  And that feeling he has will be his undoing.  It has already made him behave irrationally---not paying --thus disobeying a court order-- and storming into your attorney's office..

Be careful.  Very careful. .  

  • Like 11
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Scarlett

Scarlett

Posted
Posted (edited)

Maybe you can use that to your advantage? Get him to agree he will start paying and a court order to read that if he fails to pay by even ONE day garnishment will be ordered.  

My Xh asked me to not garnish his wages for his cs.  He too thought it reflected poorly on him.   I Agreed and for the next 9 years he was 100% faithful and on time with his cs payments to me.  

Edited by Scarlett
  • Like 7
Link to comment
Share on other sites
extendedforecast

extendedforecast

Posted
Posted

His behavior is scary. I agree with putting up cameras and a security system. We have a doorbell camera, a camera above the garage door and one aimed at the back door. It is so nice knowing who is at the door without having to open it. And-this is off topic- we recently caught our mail carrier carelessly dropping a package of lightbulbs on our doorstep that was clearly labeled fragile. 

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Carol in Cal.

Carol in Cal.

Posted
Posted
4 hours ago, RootAnn said:

Does his lawyer know your lawyer is going to ask for the money to come out of his paycheck directly? I ask because some people who are very highly thought of at work (like it sounds like your X is) get REALLY irrational and upset at anything that might make them look bad at work. The threat of getting his paycheck garnished - thus calling attention to his poor behavior - could have caused him to act in this crazy way.

That's what I thought of when I saw your post. . . He doesn't want to look bad to the bosses at work. (I would guess that the financial dept of his company won't blink an eye and the bosses won't even know, but he might not see it that way.) 

See, this is why here in CA this is done routinely, so there is no longer a stigma to it.

  • Like 2
  • Thanks 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Home'scool

Home'scool

Posted
  • Author
Posted
Quote

 

Is there anyway you could hire a private detective to follow him around a bit?  It would make me feel better, if I were you, to have an idea of  whether or not he were stalking me. 

Does he still have a girlfriend? Or is he back on his own now?

 

I have been soooo tempted to hire a private investigator. Right now I do not know where he is living or what he is doing. I believe he is not with his girlfriend but who knows. If they did break up then he is back on the prowl for sure.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites
madteaparty

madteaparty

Posted
Posted (edited)

The fact that he stormed into your attorney’s office needs to make it into whatever papers are filed in connection with this next hearing. If I had to apply for a restraining order knowing that it would get denied but also knowing the judge would see it, I would.

(Not legal advice, not a family law attorney.)

Edited by madteaparty
  • Like 8
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Home'scool

Home'scool

Posted
  • Author
Posted
Quote

I'll tell you one thing for dang sure--if I were that receptionist I would be all over the managing lawyer to guarantee me a safe work environment.

My lawyer did say they now have a new procedure in place so that next time they will just call 911. They should name it after my STBX! 

Quote

The fact that he stormed into your attorney’s office needs to make it into whatever papers are filed in connection with this next hearing. If I had to apply for a restraining order knowing that it would get denied but also knowing the judge would see it, I would.

I plan on making sure his actions get broadcasted loud and clear for the judge to know about. 

  • Like 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites
TravelingChris

TravelingChris

Posted
Posted

Yes, it is scary and particularly if he is not with girlfriend anymore.  Please do everything to protect yourself.  It sounds like he is coming unhinged and if he thinks it will affect him at work (and I know full well nothing would be happening if he was paying) and that is his only serious involvement right now, he may very well think he has nothing left to lose.  That is when it becomes very dangerous.

 

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Home'scool

Home'scool

Posted
  • Author
Posted
Quote

Has he had any recent interactions with your daughters? Because I'd be concerned for their safety as well. 

No, they do not speak to him. He did text them, out of the blue, to tell them that he has been very sick, in and out of the hospital with MRI's, and has lost 30 pounds. They were all upset thinking that perhaps he is really sick, but then we saw on his Facebook page that he registered for a bike race. So, he can't be on his death bed just yet.

I was so mad that he texted them that. What parent tries to scare their kids like that?!

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Liz CA

Liz CA

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, Home'scool said:

No, they do not speak to him. He did text them, out of the blue, to tell them that he has been very sick, in and out of the hospital with MRI's, and has lost 30 pounds. They were all upset thinking that perhaps he is really sick, but then we saw on his Facebook page that he registered for a bike race. So, he can't be on his death bed just yet.

I was so mad that he texted them that. What parent tries to scare their kids like that?!

 

 

A few of his actions suggest narcissism to me. Few of his reactions will look normal. Be aware and expect totally odd behavior.

  • Like 4
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
 Share
Go to topic listing
×
×
  • Create New...