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Thatboyofmine

S/o Babywise.... what *is* a good baby book?

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Not gentle/attachment but I liked The Baby Owner's Manual because it coveres the basics and leaves mom to become the mom she's supposed to be.

Edited by Slache
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Dr. Sears The Baby Book is my favorite book for parenting babies and toddlers.  I don't like all his health information, but I really like his stuff about attachment, breastfeeding, etc.  He's gentle and non alarmist and encourages parents to listen to their guts.  

I also really like Happiest Baby on the Block for calming babies.  And for developmental stuff, I think Montessori from the Start is great, just for general stages and activity suggestions.  

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I am not up on current titles, but I have one guideline for how to tell if a parenting book is good:

If the author indicates that the goal is to keep you and your child on the same side, that's good. Collect a bunch of books like that, and then start comparing the wisdom and methods to the child you are actually raising, because details will vary. They may be about routines, schedules, planners, and checklists, or they may be about long days in the woods and unschooling and fairy tales. But if the joy and love (and humor) are there, you can sift through it all (guilt free) and find the sweet spot for your own family.

And here's the one guideline to tell if a parenting book is bad:

You'll notice right away that the plan is for an adversarial relationship with your child, in which the goal is to bend or mold the child into your vision for his life. Focus on "submission," "respect," "parental rights." Did you know that parenting gurus can turn you against your child and make him the enemy to subdue? Some will even call this "Christian" or "biblical." You'll hear their voices in your head, praising you for "winning" or "conquering," and you'll actually feel guilty for wanting to stop because it's not working! These books belong in a bonfire. Do not even read them for educational purposes. Just stay away.

Focus on joy, love, humor, consistency, stability, and grace. Utilize books and websites or other resources (including IRL people) who help you move toward these.

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The Baby Book by Dr. Sears

Breastfeeding Secrets and Solutions

You Are Your Child's First Teacher

Right From The Start, especially if you can find the first edition--CC, great book

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I liked The Baby Whisperer and Happiest Baby on the Block. I am a little bitter about Dr. sears, TBH, because the first books I read with my crybaby firstborn were by him and I felt like a failure. I am a very practical person and his book about High Needs babies (which mine was) was very short on practical. I think I wasted a lot of emotion wondering why I couldn’t figure out what to do about one little crying baby and the “advice” given by Sears mostly did not help. (The one good idea in there was to learn to nurse lying down and forget about never letting the baby in our bed.) 

I think the Eat-Active-Sleep-Yourself (EASY) routine, loosly applied, from The Baby Whisperer, worked for me best, but I didn’t get to that until my youngest was born. (My main adaptation was that I often still nursed baby before sleep, though I also followed the nursing after waking from a nap advice.)

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Dr. Sears book and Happiest Baby on the Block.  And I liked to watch Dr. T. Berry Brazelton.  But it's been years since I had to think about it, and honestly, at least 2 of my 4 wouldn't have "cooperated" with any book.  First had terrible all day colic crying for 3 months, and third came with her own issues.  Neither one was able to be put down most of the time.  We kind of fell into attachment parenting!  Lol!

Edited by myblessings4
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It's been eight years since I've had a baby....but another vote for "The Baby Book."

I also had "Adventures in Gentle Discipline," "You are your Child's First Teacher", and a bunch of Waldorf-y stuff.  

Honestly my mantra is "What would a good Mom do?"  By that, I mean a Mom whose parenting I admire.  Nine times out of ten, that gave me the right answer... the gentle answer.

I used to hang out on Mothering dot com back when I had babies.  

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I had Penelope Leach “your baby and child”.  I don’t know if it’s the best out there but overall I think the best books are going to follow current science, offer a variety of approaches and solutions to problems, good quality information on expected child development and ages and stages (emotional as well as physical).  I’m wary of any book that are “this is the one and only method”.  They can be seriously risky to parent child relationships and parent mental health.

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Baby Love by Robin Barker is my favourite. You just reminded me to pick up a copy for my newly pregnant Bil&Sil!

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The only baby book I ever used was a medical symptom book. Otherwise I just went with my instinct. 

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I liked the Your ____ Year Old series by Louise Bates Ames.  There was a bit in there in the how-to category, but just knowing what I was experiencing with my kid was normal...that was more important.  If I had thought that not sleeping through the night was a character flaw instead of the norm, I would have been more on edge. And it's the only set of books I know of that goes all the way up to the tween years.

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I loved Happiest Baby on the Block. The concept of the 4th trimester made parenting those first weeks so much easier. I adjusted any expectations that I had by thinking "4th trimester" and everything was more bearable. DS was a pretty easy baby overall, but I struggled with postpartum depression after ending up with an emergency c-section and not being able to breastfeed sufficiently. We had to switch to formula after a few weeks and I felt like a huge failure. That book made me feel better about everything. ❤️

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2 hours ago, AmandaVT said:

I loved Happiest Baby on the Block. The concept of the 4th trimester made parenting those first weeks so much easier. I adjusted any expectations that I had by thinking "4th trimester" and everything was more bearable. DS was a pretty easy baby overall, but I struggled with postpartum depression after ending up with an emergency c-section and not being able to breastfeed sufficiently. We had to switch to formula after a few weeks and I felt like a huge failure. That book made me feel better about everything. ❤️

 

Just relating to the "huge failure" situation.  I cried all the way home from the doctor.  I wish I had known about that book...it mightn't have been written by my time. 

I wish also that I had been more willing to follow my instincts and not "advice" from people it turned out had it all wrong, in my opinion.  I wish I had been at my current church all my life, especially as a mother, because it is so much more about love and care and generosity and forgiveness and did I mention love? than it is about Turning Out A Great Product.

Oh, and as an aside, one of the authors of BabyWise (and all the other xWise books) was in the youth group for which I was a lay leader, back in the day.  :0|

 

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11 hours ago, Kinsa said:

The only baby book I ever used was a medical symptom book. Otherwise I just went with my instinct. 

Me too. I just pretty much winged it.

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Adding my votes for Baby Whispere (although some of her breastfeeding advice is wrong) but it was good for gentle routine setting, Happiest Baby was great, love the Sears books and the Ames books 

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22 hours ago, myblessings4 said:

Dr. Sears book and Happiest Baby on the Block.  And I liked to watch Dr. T. Berry Brazelton.  But it's been years since I had to think about it, and honestly, at least 2 of my 4 wouldn't have "cooperated" with any book.  First had terrible all day colic crying for 3 months, and third came with her own issues.  Neither one was able to be put down most of the time.  We kind of fell into attachment parenting!  Lol!

 

Quoting myself to say that I never really FOLLOWED a book.  I just liked to read them!  Lol!  And I didn't even know it was called "attachment parenting" or whatever until after we were through it.  

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On 8/27/2018 at 7:50 PM, Thatboyofmine said:

Something for gentle parenting?  Attachment parenting type book? 

 

 



My daughter likes the Sears books.  I liked Elizabeth Pantley's No Cry Sleep Solution.

 

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We like “The Baby Book” by Dr. Sears a lot. I’ve loved his books since I was parenting my own little ones, and now my girls are reading his books.

It definitely leans toward a more attachment style of parenting, and we have all modified that in some ways (for instance, my girls babywear, but not like some people babywear - they will let their babies sit in a swing or bouncy seat while they’re doing chores if happy and content, but they’ll babywear if they have things they have to get done and the babies need to be held).

No parenting book is going to be a step by step guide because, of course, all babies are different; I just think his are most in line with what I consider to be a more natural, basic way of parenting.

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Another whose favorite was The Happiest Baby on the Block

I also really liked Bringing up Bebe (it uses a gentle sleep training method) - basically get a video monitor and train YOURSELF to not respond for the first 10 minutes unless you can see the baby is really in distress. If they are hurt or something go immediately, but most of the time they are just noisy and haven't learned to connect their sleep cycles yet.  I have yet to have a baby or toddler who didn't start sleeping at least 6 hours at a time after 6 weeks of being consistent with that.

I also like French Kids Eat Everything - which is where we got our food rules from - you don't have to like it, you don't have to eat it, but you DO have to taste it.  Taste = 3 bites.

I can't remember which of those French books teaches no snacking after the age of 6, but I like that rule too.

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