Would you or have you let young children (age 3 or so and up) hold your newborn, while safely supervised?

[unsinkable]

Would you or have you let young children (age 3 or so and up) hold your newborn, while safely supervised?

I'm curious based on the other thread.

[regentrude]

Yes, but the situation is not comparable to the other thread, since I let my own 2 y/o hold her baby brother who was my second child.

I did not let young children who are not my own hold my babies. Not that it ever came up.

Edited August 9, 2018 by regentrude

[freesia]

Yes, I have and did.

There are some children I know, however, whom I would not have allowed bc they were too impulsive.

[Crimson Wife]

Supervised? Yes.

I would never expect other parents to let my young child hold their new babies. Siblings are different because they're both my children.

[prairiewindmomma]

I would let siblings hold siblings, safely supervised.  I wouldn't let random toddlers hold my newborn. The concern for me is primarily germs (RSV in particular).  Everyone in the same home shares the same microcosm, generally speaking. 

[EmseB]

I have and I would do it again if I ever had another newborn. My answer includes letting other people's young kids hold my newborns. One case I remember specifically is a friend who was about to have her second baby so I let her oldest (2.5 or 3 at the time) hold my third born.

[AFwife Claire]

Absolutely.  All my kids have held their younger siblings.  I also let other children hold my babies.  I have often told other moms that my babies are used to being held by children, so they have all been pretty chill and not high-strung about it, like some people were describing their babies on the other thread.  I feel bad for kids who have no opportunities to ever hold babies, but dearly would like to!

[vonfirmath]

My youngest was born in Texas and I let her cousins as well as her brother hold her.  My eldest was held by my best friend's kids within hours of birth.

[Chris in VA]

Yes. Ds 1 held Ds2 when he was 25 months old (right after birth). 

I didn't live near other kid relatives so I don't know if I would've let them or not. 

[Katy]

Relatives, yes, except for one who was particularly impulsive as a 3 year old.

[stephanier.1765]

Yep, and younger than 3. My niece was not quite 2 when I let her hold my newborn. He was placed on a pillow in her lap and the look on her face was priceless. She couldn't have been more proud.

[hippiemamato3]

My niece was 2 years, 9 months when my son was born. She'd been talking about "auntie's baby" nonstop since she found out I was pregnant. She held him in the hospital the day he was born, and every time she asked after that. We were close then, and are even closer now. And the bond between the cousins to this day (age 18 and 15) is still incredible strong. 

[Arcadia]

I would for DS12 who doesn’t care who holds him as a newborn. Not for DS13 who squirms like he is being kidnapped. My husband however does not allow because we moved to the states four months before DS12 was born (so most people are strangers) and the two family friends here with young kids don’t allowed their kids to carry a newborn either so the kids didn’t ask.

My husband’s brother and his wife’s definition of holding a newborn is having their children sit on the floor with the boppy pillow on their lap and the newborn on the boppy pillow. His brother would be anxiously hovering nearby. My husband’s sister doesn’t allow for her kids to hold babies even for photo shoots until baby is at least two months old. 

[fairfarmhand]

Only my own kids. Not other people’s kids. 

[mumto2]

I let Dd hold her brother, she was 22mo.  I had planned to let my friend’s daughter hold him but she watched how much he was spitting up the day she visited and elected to stay clean.  I think I changed 3times while they were at my house so she had a point!

[HSmomof2]

Supervised, yes. And saying that now as an experienced mom. However, I would not have let a child hold my first newborn baby....I was just to nervous until he was older. 

[Mary in VA]

Siblings, supervised? Yes. I let my oldest sit on the couch and hold her newborn baby sister when she was four. BUT ONLY WHEN SUPERVISED. When baby sister got older the elder wanted to pick her up and carry her around. That was a big no-no because all of our floors were hard ceramic tile (we lived in Germany).

We still laugh about it every Christmas because in Sunday School the oldest made a ornament for us that said, "My gift to Jesus is I will not pick up my baby sister." ? It still goes on our tree. That was over 23 years ago.

Edited August 9, 2018 by Mary in VA

[alisoncooks]

My niece was 18 months when her twin sisters were born (4 pounds each). She (as well as older sis, age 3.5) and my older kids (9 and 11) all had turns holding the babies. Everyone was supervised, seated, pillow/boppy on hand. We have pics of the 18 mo holding *both* newborns at the same time. 

[busymama7]

I do and have allowed it even for non siblings. I have 9 living children and close to 40 nieces and nephews as well as friends who may as well be family. I can't imagine not letting those who love my new baby too hold and snuggle them. I AM glad I breastfeed because baby is never away from me long!  Also I am a FIRM believer in swaddling and require that the baby stay swaddled while being held. This helps avoid the startle reflex and I believe it helps them feel more secure when someone other than me is holding them and even more so when it is a younger child. 

[cjzimmer1]

I would let my own children hold their siblings.  I would not let my children hold someone else's infant nor would I let someone else's young child hold my infant.

[Megs]

Siblings supervised. 

Cousins, friends kids...no.

[Lecka]

Not a newborn.  Okay, I guess my own 3-year-old did.  But he was 3 1/2.  

I am more of a “2-3 months and up” person.  

Edit:  I let my own kids hold other babies that have some head/body control, I don’t let them hold tiny babies.  

Edited August 9, 2018 by Lecka

[Supertechmom]

Siblings only......no to any other kids unless they were much much older

[ktgrok]

Yup. My oldest was held by his cousin, who was under 5 I think. Then my 2nd kid, there really weren't any little kids around, but she was held by my oldest...but he was 10. Then DD was 2 1/2 when my third was born, and my niece was 2, and we have pictures of them "holding' DS. And then DS and other niece were 4 when my youngest was born and held her all the time. 

All of this was supervised, of course, and for a minute at at time or less. Sitting in a way where they couldn't drop the baby, with an adult in arm's reach. Basically, "hold" meant an adult positioned the baby onto the lap of the child in such a way that they were fully supported with a pillow or folded blanket or whatever. The child didn't have to actually DO anything to "hold" them, just sit there. 

In this photo the baby is less than 2 weeks old, and DS is 4 yrs old. I balanced the baby on the poppy, leaning backwards. 

Edited August 9, 2018 by Ktgrok

[gardenmom5]

if they are sitting on the sofa surrounded by pillows - I would be willing to put the baby in their arms. I would also help them get properly positioned.

1dd reminded me she was changing diapers at 9 1/2 . . . but he wasn't a newborn.

and she would strip off 6wk old 2dd when my back was turned . . . . (she was under 3yo.)

[rebcoola]

Yes and not just my own kids and cousins but friends to.  If they are not sick and can sit still I will usually say yes to sitting with the baby in their lap.

[StaceyinLA]

My older children always “held” their siblings, but as a rule, no other young children held my babies. My two older daughters have let their own kids and possibly the oldest cousin (he’s 7) hold their babies, but no other children, and my youngest daughter has let some of my other grandkids (so her baby’s cousins- the older ones; 5 and 7) hold her first baby.

But we are not a family of “pass the baby” people. In group situations, my girls put their babies in carriers so others wouldn’t ask to hold them and wind up passing them around. My 2nd daughter rarely let anyone outside of our immediate family hold her babies. All of them are fine and love people just fine, but my dd liked holding her babies herself, and tended to wear them a lot.

[Bluegoat]

Sure, unless there was some unusual reason not to.  It wouldn't matter much about whether it was my kid or not other than I'd keep a closer eye on a kid I didn't know.

DS was just 7 when my youngest was born, he used to sit and watch tv with her while I made dinner from the time she was tiny.  

 

Edited August 9, 2018 by Bluegoat

[ktgrok]

 I will say that it was only cousins and siblings, not random children. I trusted my sister to not bring them over if they showed any signs of illness. 

 

[EKS]

The only child I let hold either of my newborns was my older son.  He was 5 when the younger one was born.  He held him exactly once between the almost continuous colds he had during the younger one's first six months.

[Guest]

 Yes, although I don’t remember the cousins caring overly much. 

[Ausmumof3]

Yes but only siblings and only with adult sitting right there

[rocassie]

Yes I have with both my own children as well as other close friends and family.  However, "holding" at 2 or 3 would be different then 7 or 8.  The toddler sat down on the couch and I (or the other mama) would sit right next to them and place the baby in their arms helping the toddler learn how to hold and support a baby.  Once the baby was very squirmy and wiggly (for me it was about when the baby was 4 months old or a little older) the toddler and I together held the baby.  I did this only when a child WANTED to hold the baby.  If the toddler asked at an inconvient time (usually when I was nursing), I have allowed the toddler sit right next to me and stroke the baby's head, hands, or feet depending on the situation and my baby's temperment.

[happypamama]

Sure. As long as I let anyone hold my newborns (which admittedly isn’t much; I don’t like to let them out of my arms for long), I’ll let children hold them, assuming they’re not sick, have clean hands, and have proper supervision and support as needed. That probably means a pillow, an adult right next to them, etc. We have a photo of my then 10 month old niece holding my DS1 when he was just a couple of weeks old; my SIL is doing the supporting, so my niece is “holding.”

 

[BusyMom5]

Yes for siblings, cousins snd close fsmily.  I never had a chance to respond in the other thread, but I worry the sister us having PP issues.  

[Daria]

I have an only, so this is all theoretical, but I would probably have let a sibling hold a baby sibling long enough for a picture or two.

But I didn't really have people holding my baby.  When my baby was home 3 weeks, and about the size of a 3 week old (he was adopted at 2 weeks), I think the only people who had held him since he came home were my mother, his pediatrician, and me. 

On the other hand, my mother held him before I even did, by mistake, and that didn't bother me.  She and I went to the adoption agency to pick him up, and they had me go in the back to review his medical file and sign some things.  A couple came in with a very cute baby, and when she commented on how cute he was the woman said "Oh, would you like to hold him?"  So she said yes, and they took him out of the carseat and she was snuggling him when she said "This is good practice, I'll be holding my new grandson soon." and the other woman put two and two together, just as the social worker walked in to get my mom.  The social worker then got very worried that I'd be upset that Grandma held him "first", so they bundled him back up, put him in the carseat.  The social worker made my mom promise that she wouldn't tell, because she was sure I'd be upset.  My mom came back to me, and then the foster family "arrived" a few minutes later and they brought them back, and everyone acted like they'd never met before. 

My mom told me the truth as soon as we got home, and I thought it was hilarious, but when I asked the social worker about it later they said they'd had families get very upset about similar mistakes.  

So, while I had some hang ups about people holding my baby, apparently there are some hang ups I don't have. 

[Meriwether]

Yes, children have held my babies, even children unrelated to me.

[Dmmetler]

Yes, but in DD’s case, she was premature enough, and it was winter, so by the time she was considered “safe” to be around young children, she wasn’t really a newborn anymore. 

[Petrichor]

yes, and in my circle, it feels like it is expected. Even for kids closer to 2 who show an interest in holding the baby.

Baby is propped up with pillows, adult's hands are half an inch or less below the baby. Assuming the child cares, is not too impulsive/hyper, and the kid wanting to hold the baby doesn't gross me out hygiene-wise.

My own DS was older (7ish) when DD was born, and he was carrying her around the house at a couple weeks old. He was carrying her up and down stairs at about a month old.

[73349]

Four+, seated and supervised, yes, for a minute. Maybe not at three, depending on the kid.

My youngest sister was newly 6 when DS was born, and we have a picture of her (seated on the couch next to an adult) holding him a couple of weeks later when she came to visit.

By DS's age (10.5) I was carrying infant and toddler siblings around, changing diapers/clothes, buckling car seats, etc., but that requires some supervised skill work--I wouldn't just have kids try it.

[kbutton]

2 hours ago, Lecka said:

Not a newborn.  Okay, I guess my own 3-year-old did.  But he was 3 1/2.  

I am more of a “2-3 months and up” person.  

Edit:  I let my own kids hold other babies that have some head/body control, I don’t let them hold tiny babies.  

After answering Yes to the poll, I realized I probably have a fair amount of experience with newborns that are pretty strong. One of my kids rolled over regularly by two weeks, lol! Neither of my kids were very newborn-like in some ways, and even the hospital staff commented on it over and over with both kids.

My older son was super gentle even as a small toddler with small, fragile living creatures in spite of being impulsive, and that makes a difference as well. He would pick up bugs, worms, caterpillars, and baby chicks with exquisite care. 

We also sort of lived on the floor when littles were around, and that is how things were when I was little and had a brother and cousins. Parents (and often grandparents) were right on the floor with the littlest kids. 

[MinivanMom]

Yes, for my own children.

No, for other children including cousins. But I don't come from a "pass the baby around" kind of family, so I can't even imagine someone asking. 

I've always been glad I wasn't a part of one of those huge, close extended families where everyone descends to meet the baby and to "help" after you give birth. I felt stressed just reading some of the stories on the other thread. Maybe I need more recovery time after giving birth or maybe I need more privacy when I've got leaky, sore boobs and I'm still using one of those peri bottles in the bathroom. But I can't imagine having droves of visitors in my home and using my bathroom and passing my newborn baby around. That includes both friends and extended family. I need my privacy, and I'm happy to be selfish about newborn bonding time.

I'm guessing many of the posters on the other thread are extroverts. 

 

[Sherry in OH]

Well, since I have photo evidence, I obviously did allow it.  Oldest ds, age 2 is firmly seated on Nana's lap.  Youngest ds, 1-2 weeks old is held on older ds's lap by Nana.   I have photos of just the two boys beginning when youngest ds is about 1 1/2 months old.

Both of my children were held by older cousins sometime between 2 and 3 months of age.  The cousins probably would have held my children as newborns if my siblings and I lived closer to each other.  The cousins held my children on our first visit after each baby's birth. 

I don't think my children have ever had the opportunity to hold any other newborn.  They aren't all that interested in baby humans.  Kittens, puppies, calves...  yes, but not humans.?

[goldberry]

Close family at 5 or 6.  I answered yes, but I would probably not do 3 or 4 yo unless I knew them to be good direction followers.  I was not a pass-the-baby-around person AT ALL.  But I did not feel that applied toward immediate family.

[LMD]

Yep. No worries about it at all. Non-sick child, propped up in a deep, soft chair with supervision. My dd was 26months old when her brother was born, he was big and strong and she was a very obedient toddler, she 'held' him regularly. Random kids probably not, but if they're close enough to be visiting me and my newborn then I'd likely say yes.

I remember actually being a little more protective with my oldest around some more obnoxious children...

Eta - but mum's comfortableness comes first, she should be able to say no for any or no reason without anyone getting snarky.

Edited August 10, 2018 by LMD

[Tanaqui]

Sure (unless there was an unusual situation), but I certainly don't think badly of people who do it differently. Babies are little and fragile. New mothers are hormonal. New parents are sleepless in general. I think it's okay make other people wait a little while before holding the baby if that's what the parents prefer. We say "they grow up so fast" but... not quite that fast!

Edit: Point of fact, the first time my sister held me unsupervised - and without permission, I might add! - my mother walked in right as she dropped me on my head. Bonk! This is widely considered to be a hilarious story.

Quote

My mom told me the truth as soon as we got home, and I thought it was hilarious, but when I asked the social worker about it later they said they'd had families get very upset about similar mistakes.  

 

Now this seems ridiculous. I don't blame the social worker for taking precautions if it's happened before but... surely the new parents realize that the bio parents and the doctors and all have already held this infant?

Edited August 10, 2018 by Tanaqui

[barnwife]

Yes, I'd let pretty much any young, healthy child hold mine in a supervised manner (seated, with pillows as necessary, etc...).  Our oldest was 18 months when the second came along. The pictures of him holding her are sweet, as are the pictures of cousins doing so. The same thing happened when the rest came along. It would be very abnormal in my circle to not allow such a thing.

[Ellie]

I allowed my 3yo to hold my newborn on the day the baby came home from the hospital. That was the last time.

[umsami]

We did.  DD sat on a chair with a pillow in her lap (I think...it's been awhile)...and her baby brother in her arms.  No problems. 

[Bluegoat]

5 hours ago, MinivanMom said:

Yes, for my own children.

No, for other children including cousins. But I don't come from a "pass the baby around" kind of family, so I can't even imagine someone asking. 

I've always been glad I wasn't a part of one of those huge, close extended families where everyone descends to meet the baby and to "help" after you give birth. I felt stressed just reading some of the stories on the other thread. Maybe I need more recovery time after giving birth or maybe I need more privacy when I've got leaky, sore boobs and I'm still using one of those peri bottles in the bathroom. But I can't imagine having droves of visitors in my home and using my bathroom and passing my newborn baby around. That includes both friends and extended family. I need my privacy, and I'm happy to be selfish about newborn bonding time.

I'm guessing many of the posters on the other thread are extroverts. 

 

 

Yeah, I'm another introvert happy to have people hold the baby for a while.  But I do like to go to big family events and such - I am social even though I'm very introverted, and family are generally the people I am comfortable enough to be social with without stress.