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Okay Mimi's, Nana's, Grammy's, Grandma's etc. Can you help with this


lynn
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It appears DS fiance family has getting baby Hudson everything he'll need and a huge 40 guest shower.  So I made him a blanket to match his bedding and seat, I plan on providing lunches and dinners, shopping if needed for a few months.  I want to give baby Hudson the gift of great books so I plan on getting several classic board books to start in a nice box/basket at the shower but it feels like not enough from DS mom aka Nana.    What did you give?  Should I just give what I want and not worry about it?  Does Nana have to give an amazing gift?  Just wondering.  It is my first grandbaby after all.

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Well, if you feel you aren't giving enough  - how about 6 months supply of diapers or something equally practical?  

hugs.. I know it's hard to navigate these things, esp when someone else goes all out on gifts.  Dont' worry though... in the end just love on your new little grandbaby and enjoy your new role as grammy.  I love the homemade blanket idea... how sweet.

Congrats!

 

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For our first granddaughter I did not get much for the shower because most of the wish list items had already been purchased.  I did buy a few items that were for decorating the nursery - she was doing an alphabet theme - and I did buy books.  There was no "wow" gift but I enjoy seeing the alphabet magnets and the books when I visit.

When they had baby #2 we purchased the big double-stroller that was a necessity with two under 2.  We we're glad we were able to do that for them.

 

 

Edited by JanOH
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I made baby quilts for each of the grands and that was it. We’re the book grandparents- they get books for birthdays and Christmas. 

I would encourage you not to stress over the gift. You’re in it for the long haul and no need to try to impress anyone. You’re the Grandma!

Also, congrats!!!!

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1 hour ago, lynn said:

It appears DS fiance family has getting baby Hudson everything he'll need and a huge 40 guest shower.  So I made him a blanket to match his bedding and seat, I plan on providing lunches and dinners, shopping if needed for a few months.  I want to give baby Hudson the gift of great books so I plan on getting several classic board books to start in a nice box/basket at the shower but it feels like not enough from DS mom aka Nana.    What did you give?  Should I just give what I want and not worry about it?  Does Nana have to give an amazing gift?  Just wondering.  It is my first grandbaby after all.

If you plan on continuing to give him books, can you make a certificate saying something to that effect and put it in the basket, as well?

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My mom paid for a McLaren stroller a few months after DS13 was born so we could find an umbrella stroller that is comfortable for “tall” babies. He sat on each one at a big baby/kids store so we could see the fit.

She also paid for the baby carrier since DS13 was born tall/long and the usual baby carriers weren’t to his liking so we had to pay more for a baby carrier that fits him and that he likes. He didn’t like the Baby Bjorn which BIL would have lend us. 

Another gift that was appreciated was baby swim lessons when DS13 was six months old. We lived in a condominium with two pools when DS13 was born so baby swim lessons were a nice to have. 

The “gift” that DS13 appreciate most as a baby/toddler were the milk shakes from places like In-N-Out that my mom would buy when we go there during off peak hours. 

My mom went with me to Borders, Barnes & Noble and library baby/toddler story time. That way I could go toilet if I need to. I could also eat lunch quite peacefully after storytime as my mom would entertain my boys. 

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I love your plan, honestly. (I am not a grandma yet, but remembering from when my first was the first grandbaby). 

When my oldest was born, he was the 1st grandson on either side (1st grandchild period on one side), and the grandparents were of drastically different economic situations/gift-giving personalities. So, his first many years looked quite disparate if you were to compare dollar for dollar between grandma a and grandma b, but if you were to look at % of income, or giving w/in their means, or heart, it was most definitely even. And we did (look at the heart, not the dollar signs). 

I think your proposed gifts of meals, a homemade blanket, and a nice presentation of books (and books to grow with him through the years) is wonderful and will be treasured. If you are concerned that the "wow" factor won't be there at the shower, a certificate of "1st Installment to Hudson's Library" would be a nice way to indicate it's an ongoing gift (should you feel the need to do so). You may, or may not, choose to also include a mention of the meals, etc., but that isn't really necessary and would honestly maybe be more weird than not. You could save the homemade blanket for the shower as well (if not already gifted) and give that at the same time; assuming the guests (or at least guest of honor) understands the value in a homemade blanket, that is enough by itself. 

One thing I definitely would not do is compare yourself to the "40 guest shower" -- the in-laws may be hosting (which is a faux pa, really) or helping throw the shower, but that doesn't mean they get credit for all the gifts from that shower, ya know? You do you, and don't worry about the rest. Your son will (presumably) explain to fiance', if she doesn't already get it, and it will be fine. 

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give what you want - don't overthink it.

dd wants an expensive pack-n-play, so I'll give her money towards it.  I've made blankets and burp clothes - I've sent other odds and ends. (one even made her cry.)   some will be useable keepsakes - other's  are just fun or useful but will go when they've outlived their usefulness.

I plan on starting books at christmas - and a baby's first christmas ornament - 'cause that's one thing I do. 

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Handmade items are wonderful and are often cherished long beyond the baby years.

I don't have grandkids but I am known among nieces and nephews as the aunt who sends books along with a little outfit. I don't think this would change with grandchildren. We may offer to pay for a larger item but it sounds like the other family has taken care of this already. Providing ongoing support as long as it's welcomed by the parents is a great way to "give" as well.

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I am expecting my 6th, and your gift sounds wonderful. After my last two boys were born, church members brought meals for a week. It was so nice to not have that to worry about, especially having older kids who love - I mean need - to eat. Some even brought drinks and desserts, and my husband's grandmother brought snacks for the kids quite often. We had plenty of leftovers for lunches for the week, too. 

How about making a card that says "book of the month club" for your grandbaby (in the basket of books)? You could send or give him a new book each month for a year, or for however long you wanted to. It would be something to look forward to, and not just another pack of diapers or wipes (although it is always nice to receive diapers and wipes!). 

Homemade blankets and quilts are always a favorite gift for me - and I don't get very many! So I would definitely treasure that. 

You could always ask her if there is something she doesn't have like a swing, bouncy seat, high chair, or playmat. Oooo - you could always make the baby a playmat! A blanket with toys and ribbons and other things sewn on to it.

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I’m not a grandmother but I think your gift sounds lovely. One of my favorite books to give is “Press Here” by Herve Tulle. It’s really more for toddlers but it is such a fun book. 

Congratulations on your first grandchild!

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13 hours ago, lynn said:

It appears DS fiance family has getting baby Hudson everything he'll need and a huge 40 guest shower.  So I made him a blanket to match his bedding and seat, I plan on providing lunches and dinners, shopping if needed for a few months.  I want to give baby Hudson the gift of great books so I plan on getting several classic board books to start in a nice box/basket at the shower but it feels like not enough from DS mom aka Nana.    What did you give?  Should I just give what I want and not worry about it?  Does Nana have to give an amazing gift?  Just wondering.  It is my first grandbaby after all.

 

My in-laws bought us a Camera to skype on the computer for our first baby's birth.  We just finally replaced it this week (DS turned 11 today)  If you are not local, perhaps this would be appreciated because it shows you want to stay part of the baby's life.

I do not remember what my parents got either one of my babies. I do know my parents helped us frequently with diapers.  Whenever they came to visit, we'd end up with diapers as well as anything else. And my mom was always happy to change diapers (She claimed to enjoy it and would jump up to get to do it whenever she realized it was needed.)

 

ETA: Actually I think my parents paid for the glider I got before my son was born. They had bought one for a coworker's daughter a few years before and I mentioned that it was a really nice gift, I knew I wanted a glider when I had kids. And they remembered the comment and told me to go out and get what I wanted and they'd pay for it. It, too, served a nice long life with both kids.

Edited by vonfirmath
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15 hours ago, lynn said:

It appears DS fiance family has getting baby Hudson everything he'll need and a huge 40 guest shower.  So I made him a blanket to match his bedding and seat, I plan on providing lunches and dinners, shopping if needed for a few months.  I want to give baby Hudson the gift of great books so I plan on getting several classic board books to start in a nice box/basket at the shower but it feels like not enough from DS mom aka Nana.    What did you give?  Should I just give what I want and not worry about it?  Does Nana have to give an amazing gift?  Just wondering.  It is my first grandbaby after all.

You will have a lifetime of giving to this little baby. The shower is a one-time event. :-)

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I agree with the above. Your gifts sound great.

They gave the big ticket stuff ahead of time. It sounds like you're planning to give the gift of time and helping with the things that come up along the way. (Not to mention a homemade item, which is always special!) It sounds like the perfect balance of grandparenting, honestly.

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If you want to have that "still thinking of her later" moment, do what my mother does - get the new mom something for her. My mom always does either a nice maternity top if she knows the size, or a gift certificate to a maternity store, or you could do a gift certificate for a pedicure, or some nice body/bath wash, or a fiction book she might enjoy, something to remember HER as  her own person, not just a mom. My mom has done this for years and it has always been very well received. 

(the maternity top thing is because she remembers being at the end of the pregnancy and feeling frumpy, and the maternity clothes she already had being too tight or just boring by this point, and yet not wanting to spend money on anything new since the pregnancy was almost over so it seemed wasteful. But her MIL gave HER a new maternity outfit at her shower and she loved it, because it was new and made her feel pretty at a time when she wasn't feeling that way. And so now she continues the tradition at any baby shower she can.)

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I'm in the same predicament. My grandbaby is due in Nov. but I've already bought tons of clothes for a newborn plus clothes to grow into. I've already picked up shoes, blankets, a bassinet and a few toys. Plus I've set the baby up with a book subscription from Amazon. I am making a quilt for her but it might not be done in time for the shower. I'm a notoriously slow sewer. What do I do if I'm not done? Buy something else to use as a shower gift? I really don't want to put a lot of money into something else especially since all the big stuff has already been bought either by them or my parents so that would leave buying a lot of something else. Ugh. I'm already sweating this and the shower isn't until Sept. ?

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My MIL bought the crib and dresser.  That was a huge gesture if one has that sort of budget.  A rocker or glider might also be nice.  It's also nice to wait until after the shower and fill in with anything she didn't get.  When I had my daughter, my mother did our laundry and cooked for us the first week.  That was amazing.  Food and laundry are HUGE gifts. If they have the freezer space, some freezer meals would be awesome.  Burritos with their favorite ingredients reheat well and are a full meal that you can eat with one hand. There's also something to be said about assisting when the help trickles away after the first few weeks, or taking the baby for a walk so they can nap.

ETA:  Does she have a little framed baby picture of your DS?  That would be precious for the nursery.

Edited by KungFuPanda
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