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Kinsa

Should I be annoyed at this? 'Cuz I'm annoyed at this.

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A few days ago my niece (who is expecting her first baby) posted something on Facebook about being registered at Target, etc. I thought, "Cool! Sounds like a baby shower invitation will be arriving soon." 

Um... Not exactly how it played out. I got a facebook messenger message from her yesterday with a picture of the professionally printed baby shower invitations. 

I mean, she obviously has invitations.  As her aunt and uncle, are we not worthy to actually receive one in the mail?  Our relationship is fine, btw. Or so I thought. 

Yeah, I'm a bit annoyed at being slighted like this. Am I overreacting? 

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Yes. Sorry. I miss paper mail, too. I think it's very, very likely that she didn't mail any. She handed them out in person to nearby folks, and everyone farther away got what you got.

 

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1 minute ago, Tibbie Dunbar said:

Yes. Sorry. I miss paper mail, too. I think it's very, very likely that she didn't mail any. She handed them out in person to nearby folks, and everyone farther away got what you got.

 

 

Is this the new norm? I'm wondering if this is just "how it's done nowadays"?

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To clarify: she did invite you, but you are annoyed that the invitation is an electronic one?

I think this is more like it is done nowadays. Most invitations are in electronic form only, because people know that the paper invitations get thrown away. It's a waste of paper and stamps,  so why do that? None of my friends invites on paper; everything is done as evite, or per personal email, or per fb.

I would not be annoyed. Customs change. She did invite you, she just used a different way of communicating than you were used to.

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Are you sure she didn't mail one too, and was just excited to show you what she chose?  I might text back and ask.

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5 minutes ago, Kinsa said:

 

Is this the new norm? I'm wondering if this is just "how it's done nowadays"?

 

Not everyone does it that way but it is becoming more common to do stuff like that.  I have never once sent out invitations to something aside from our wedding reception.  Everything has been word of mouth or me telling people directly they are invited to something.  For me personally, I view invitations as a waste of money and paper. I certainly couldn't afford the expense when I was pregnant with my first. 

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12 minutes ago, regentrude said:

To clarify: she did invite you, but you are annoyed that the invitation is an electronic one?

I think this is more like it is done nowadays. Most invitations are in electronic form only, because people know that the paper invitations get thrown away. It's a waste of paper and stamps,  so why do that? None of my friends invites on paper; everything is done as evite, or per personal email, or per fb.

I would not be annoyed. Customs change. She did invite you, she just used a different way of communicating than you were used to.

 

If everyone had received evites, I wouldn't think anything of it.  But this was a photo taken with her phone camera of the pro-printed paper invitations. Obviously, some people got the paper invites. But I got a picture of one. 

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9 minutes ago, hjffkj said:

 

Not everyone does it that way but it is becoming more common to do stuff like that.  I have never once sent out invitations to something aside from our wedding reception.  Everything has been word of mouth or me telling people directly they are invited to something.  For me personally, I view invitations as a waste of money and paper. I certainly couldn't afford the expense when I was pregnant with my first. 

 

If I thought it was an issue of money, I'd excuse it. But I know they are doing well financially (bought a house last year, own their own business, etc), enough to have professionally printed invitations. 

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I don't understand going to the trouble to get printed invitations and then not send one. Evites are fine-I prefer them in most situations because it is so easy to decline them. 

But I do think the photo of the printed invitation is a little odd, maybe she just ran out of stamps?

I would roll my eyes and move on with the day.

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I think this is becoming more common.  My cousin also did something similar for her baby shower.  She truly only got ONE printed invitation to keep for the memory book, took a picture of it, and then sent a text to everyone.  I try really hard not to get offended when the intent is not malicious and there is a level of assumming on my part, but I do feel hurt sometimes anyway.

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I would think she feels close enough to you in terms of your relationship that she didn't think you needed a paper invite. She may be thinking she'll only send paper to friends and people she doesn't see everyday, but for you (and other close family) she'll spare the financial cost because you're close.

I wouldn't feel too annoyed.

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7 minutes ago, rocassie said:

I think this is becoming more common.  My cousin also did something similar for her baby shower.  She truly only got ONE printed invitation to keep for the memory book, took a picture of it, and then sent a text to everyone.  I try really hard not to get offended when the intent is not malicious and there is a level of assumming on my part, but I do feel hurt sometimes anyway.

 

Wow. So maybe this actually is "a thing" nowadays. 

Im not so annoyed that its ruining my day or anything like that.  I'll still send her a gift and well-wishes, swoon over her new baby, etc. It just caught me off guard with a reaction of "What the heck is this? "

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Well, my BK got printed graduation announcements. She had a long list of people to send them to. Except she didn’t. People she actually sees got handed one, if she thought about it. (I did, but I suspect I was one of only a few who did). Her mom sent some to a few relatives. The rest of the stack is still on her computer desk. Those are awfully expensive scrap paper.  And yes, she put the picture of the announcement on social media. 

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I am getting more and more evites.  I am learning to accept it.....but I also got a mass thank you for a triple graduation party we attended...where yes we brought three gifts for three graduates.  One of the parents sent out a mass 'thank you for coming ' email.  I am curious to see if any of the three send out actual thank you cards to the individuals who bought gifts.  

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2 minutes ago, Kinsa said:

If everyone had received evites, I wouldn't think anything of it.  But this was a photo taken with her phone camera of the pro-printed paper invitations. Obviously, some people got the paper invites. I got a picture of one. 

Would not bother me either. The less paper comes in the house, the better.

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I love evites.  Less paper in the house  and no guilt for just recycling it if it has pictures on it.  

I wouldn’t upset at all.  She may have gotten a deal at a place she registered at for 5 or 10 free invites.  I know a few who have done that and only got the free ones and used a picture for evites.  

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I suspect she only had a few printed invites & sent most that picture as an evite. It does seem to be a 'thing.'

My niece got married recently. We received paper invites for everything (wedding, bridal shower, rehearsal dinner), but many people only got FB messages. (She knows we aren't on Facebook. Most people just don't invite us because all they do is through FB.)

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It does seem odd, but I don't know that I would feel slighted to get only the electronic version of the paper invitation. As others have said, she might have only ordered a few, and if so, those might not be for specially honored guests, but reserved for people who don't use electronic communication.  Grandparents, maybe, or other older relatives?   Honestly, I kinda take it as a compliment now that in my old age people use electronic means to communicate with me. In my experience, it seems to indicate that they don't consider me a dinosaur.  :-)

That said, I do miss some paper things, like wedding invitations, because they are often pretty and nice keepsakes.  Baby announcements too. On the other hand, when I'm dead my kids aren't going to want those keepsakes, so....

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49 minutes ago, rocassie said:

I think this is becoming more common.  My cousin also did something similar for her baby shower.  She truly only got ONE printed invitation to keep for the memory book, took a picture of it, and then sent a text to everyone.  I try really hard not to get offended when the intent is not malicious and there is a level of assumming on my part, but I do feel hurt sometimes anyway.

This struck me as funny when I thought about it a little. Here’s the invite in my memory book - the invite that I didn’t actually send out to anyone, lol. Though to be fair, I guess sending it electronically is sending it, but why not just design one on the computer and save yourself the printing costs to even do one? A picture of it could still go in the memory book, and it would be a more realistic memory. Here’s a picture of the pictures I sent out!

Not to sound disparaging - I honestly wouldn’t care - but it did strike me as funny.

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Any chance she couldn't remember your address and figured this would be more reliable about getting there in time.

i prefer electronic stuff otherwise I have these baby cards that look too nice to throw away but I don't really want hanging round my house forever. 

Actually getting an invite by email is a step up these days - loads of stuff seems to be via Facebook which is even more impersonal. 

 

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Is it possible she just got one printed invitation or maybe just a few for herself and the grandparents?  

I wouldn't be annoyed because electronic invitations are becoming more and more common. I'm not sure how or why there's a printed one and electronic ones but I'd just be happy. Then again, I've never liked things like birthday cards and such. To me they're a waste of paper. That probably affects how I feel about evites.

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1 hour ago, dmmetler said:

 The rest of the stack is still on her computer desk.  

 

 

*winces* 

That is painful. 

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Evites are not unusual.  Also, sometimes I think people save mailing for those they think are not online much like older relatives, but may send evites to everyone else.  Like the whole RSVP thing, electronic or phone RSVP is much easier for everyone, but there is always someone who is not online.  

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3 hours ago, Kinsa said:

 

If everyone had received evites, I wouldn't think anything of it.  But this was a photo taken with her phone camera of the pro-printed paper invitations. Obviously, some people got the paper invites. But I got a picture of one. 

lol, my sister does the pretty invites for her kids' birthday parties, but just the minimum number, so she can put them in a scrapbook. I have more than once gotten the picture of one messaged to be my phone ?

 

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Never even heard of professionally printed baby shower invitations.

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3 hours ago, Kinsa said:

 

Is this the new norm? I'm wondering if this is just "how it's done nowadays"?

 

Very likely. I have not ever received pics of a paper invitation but I have received numerous invites from nieces and nephews for weddings and baby showers in the past 2-3 years.

The baby shower invites usually come by email through Evite or a similar site. The recent wedding invitation from nephew first came as a "Save the Date" alert through the wedding website followed up with a paper invitation and enclosed RSVP but you could also RSVP directly on the website. This was sort of a hybrid method. I think it may well be one of the last paper invitations I will receive as everything goes digital.

Buying stationery and taking pictures of it and email / send via PM is new to me but saves stamps. I am also of the generation where I still like to get actual paper in the mail but this type of invitation seems to be disappearing fast.

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9 minutes ago, SKL said:

Never even heard of professionally printed baby shower invitations.

This is a thing.  TinyPrints and elsewhere all run small batch baby shower invitations. I just received one last month. Here's a link to a few: https://www.shutterfly.com/tinyprints/unique-baby-shower-invitations

I think she should've:

1. e-vited everyone through a web platform OR

2. had custom invitations printed for everyone OR

3. sent print fill in the blank invitations to everyone

Texting a photo is tacky.

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