What to prepare my son for kindergarten... ensure he will be seen?

[annanyc]

I'm a little all-over-the-place when it comes to my son, and while we still have a year until kindergarten, I'd love some level-headed, not his-mom biased thoughts about steps I should take to make sure my kiddo has the smoothest possible transition, academically, socially and with his teachers next year. 

He's a very bright kid. I don't know if "normal bright" or "extra" largely because his background throws my reference points for a loop. I adopted him from foster care, and he joined my home when he was 2, nonverbal and with failure to thrive diagnosis. I fully expected him to have significant, probably lifelong cognitive and developmental challenges, but this amazing little boy has blown me away at every step of the way. Within a year he had caught up to peers in English, and his vocab, grammar, punctuation- it's his strongest area, and he's now ahead of most kids his age. He also knows how to read at about a third grade level, but that's because we've been working on it, and he's interested. Not the same interest in numbers- he can identify 1-5, count 40-50ish before mistakes, and seems to understand one-to-one counting up to about ten or so. We do "subtraction or addition" on our fingers or with items without calling it that and he follows well.

Frankly, I probably wouldn't have focused so much on teaching academic skills if his first two preschools hadn't been such a poor match. Both refused to continue having him in the class unless he was medicated for ADHD. I have nothing against mental health diagnoses- I have ADHD myself and being diagnosed and medicated as an adult was game changing. But he's a baby, and he was exposed to trauma and has anxiety- both of which can result in ADHD like systems. His pediatrician is on board with waiting. He's not violent or mean, just flitty. Anything we do learn is in two minute increments, he really just can't sit still, and volume control and being too rough with toys are things we've addressed ad nauseum. Some of this is age appropriate, and I'm glad that because of our district cut off he'll be one of the older kindergartners when he starts next year (December birthday). I'm hoping some added maturity helps things. For now, he's in a great, truly nurturing outdoor preschool that's delightfully hippy-dippy, non-academic, and fits him perfectly. It's the kind of preschool I'd normally want my kids in, I just wouldn't be supplementing the academic parts on the side.

But while I know this sounds a little nuts, I've wanted him to get to kindergarten so strong that he stands out as the "smart kid" before he's written off as the disruptive one.  It broke my heart when he came home one day and told me that he and another boy were the bad kids (as a three year old). I absolutely don't want this to be an identity that others give him and he accepts. 

Is that nuts? Should I just chill? Or are there specific things you would make sure he has down before he goes? Like I'm pretty sure we could move onto more formalized addition/subtraction. I just don't know if there's any value to that. And what about school options for next year? His current school stops after this year. On the table is the "best" Montessori- private. Looks amazing, and friends have their kids there, and I got a good vibe, but I don't have any personal experience and the last two fails were Montessoris. The plus would be more flexibility and a lot more outdoor time- comfortable saying the general standard of teacher is better, and his classmates are likely to be good students with parents invested in school. The downside may actually be that flexibility- I'm not sure he'd learn all that much unless "self-directed" gets a lot of assistance. It also would take away all money for basically anything else, including extracurriculars.  The other options would be a good public school or a good dual language (English/Spanish) public school. My son's Hispanic, and it's important to me that he feel comfortable and be able to speak it as an adult. But not at the expense of making school too hard. His facility with English makes me think he'd pick up the language quickly, but it'd definitely increase the stress levels. 

I know that's a lot of questions/issues and a lot of word vomit. I just love this kid, and want everything to be as smooth as possible for him next year. But I get bogged down in all the complications/details. So would appreciate thoughts on all or any part of the issues I've brought up.

[Xahm]

I can't speak to all of it, but when we had a kindergartener enrolled in a dual language kindergarten (half time French, half time English), the French side of things was not at all stressful. They knew most kids coming in knew nothing, so it was very incremental. This actually made it not work for my child, who knew enough French to be incredibly bored. Talk to the teachers who would be teaching Spanish if you get a chance to go to an open house type event, as well as other parents. Some dual language schools probably are very tough and stressful, but a lot aren't.

[....]

Is homeschooling a possibility?

[annanyc]

Homeschooling isn't an option. I'm a single mom who works full time. My job is remote and flexible, except for one day per week, so that helps a lot- normally I only work about 3/4 hours during the day while he's in part-day preschool, then the rest when he's in bed (was going to change that once he's in school for a full day). But fitting in home school and work and various life tasks still seems daunting, and it'd also be problematic financially/engagement-wise to figure out something for the three hours per day and one day per week I need to work. He's not a kid who can self-entertain for a block of three hours, unless we were to buy a tv and I park him in front of it, which I don't want to do.  There's a well-rated combination public school/home school program that I've looked into. Test scores are phenomenal- something like 97% proficient or better. And parents have to do either 80% of the teaching or 20%. I could do 20%. But there are no extracurriculars and very limited recess in order to have limited school hours. That would be setting up my kiddo to fail/require a lot of extracurricular/social supplementation, which I probably couldn't manage on top of work/20% teaching. He also really thrives/shines around his peers, who appreciate the one-man show a lot more than his teachers at this stage. So I'm not looking to have to struggle to find socialization outlets.

[....]

There's an Afterschooling board on this forum.  Maybe they would have more ideas.

[ElizabethB]

The most important thing is to teach the sight words they will be sending home with phonics.  Teach him the sounds and blending and the sight words they will be sending home in K before they get taught as wholes, or you'll spend way more time undoing the guessing habits than you would have spent teaching phonics.

https://www.thephonicspage.org/On Reading/sightwords.html

Dual language is actually better, phonics wise, the Spanish language is completely phonetic and it's easy to teach reading in Spanish. My nephew is in a dual language Spanish elementary school and it's been a good experience for him.

La Pata Pita is a nice book that teaches Spanish with syllables, here is how to teach phonics with syllables:

https://infogalactic.com/info/Syllabic_phonics

[Chris in VA]

If you are paying for preschool now, could you use that $ next year (k) to hire a teaching nanny? You could still get in your 3-4 hours of work while he or she is with your child, maintaining your schedule as it is now. You could combine that with a co-op for group time/"socializing" if you have any homeschool co-ops around you. Find a nanny who drives and can take your child on field trips. Socialize with neighbors, friends, people/kids from your place of worship if you have one--

TeacherCare is a place that hires teaching nannies, or place an ad on Indeed or the like. Pick something scripted like Saxon math and have the nanny teach that along with a spelling program. During the day when you are not working, you can do read alouds and your child can read on his own. You really don't need much more academics than that. Just live a normal life with him. Make it rich by doing all the things other families do--go places, see things, play, have fun, do a little housework, etc. ?

 

That would give you a year to assess if your child is ADHD or just reactive to past trauma, etc. 

 

[kiwik]

I work and homeschool and you are right it is exhausting and Ds gets too much screen time.  He is 9 though and I didn't start until he was 8.

My saviour is an elderly neighbour who looks after him in her home when I can't take him with me.  If you have enough  money though I would look at employing a nanny four mornings plus one day.  They don't need to teach just take him to the park etc every morning and read to him a lot.  You can do an hour or so in the afternoon for at least the first year.

[maize]

I've got two kids in dual immersion programs, both started in kindergarten and it has been a good fit so far. Sounds like your kid may be gifted in some areas and the language immersion would ensure that he always has something to learn at school.

[Janeway]

I agree with you on the no meds issue. The best thing you can do for him is to give him a sensory rich diet. Do everything you can that uses his body and his hands and such. There is a connection between core strength and hand eye coordination and balance and so on and learning to read and write and do math, etc.