Who cooks at your house

[retiredHSmom]

Last week I was at training for my new teaching job (post homeschool career) and was surprised to discover, in my small sample of engineering and technology teachers, that the primary cook in all of their families except mine was the husband.

My brother and his wife both work full-time and he does all the cooking and frankly most of the childcare (and I am not criticizing my SIL, I really like her)

Who does 75% or more of the dinner cooking at your house?

[Tanaqui]

Interestingly, I notice "the kids" isn't an option. When I was growing up, we did most of the cooking after my father died, and today the girls take over more and more of the cooking each year.

[Crimson Wife]

My DH doesn't cook at all. When the kids were younger, it was all on me. Now it's a mix of the teen, the 'tween, and me.

My youngest brother is the primary cook in his marriage as he enjoys it while SIL doesn't. I could see my DS being the primary cook when he gets married as he enjoys it as well.

ETA: The 9 y.o. would like to cook but she's not developmentally ready for doing much aside from helping. She makes her own sandwiches and other very simple tasks that don't involve cooking.

[Robin M]

I'm the primary cook while hubby cooks about two to three times a week. However, my two brother in law's do all the cooking for their families.

[Mommyof1]

I cook most of the time.

DH is a good cook and when I need him to he will. Mostly we work together for holiday cooking.

[regentrude]

I cook 100% of the time. I enjoy cooking and it is important to me to put effort into meals. 

My DH does not enjoy cooking and did not find it worth the effort when he lived alone. He enjoys other tasks and does those instead.

ETA: Add to it the factor that, over the past 21 years, my DH always worked longer hours and I did, and so I naturally did a larger share of the household work. But even if we had equal schedules, I would cook.

[Wheres Toto]

Dh cooks 100% of the time unless he isn't home.  He takes the kids away the occasional weekend to visit his parents, and he used to travel once or twice a year for work.   He cooks and does most of the grocery shopping since he plans meals based on how he thinks the meats, etc. look.  It has been this way since we got married, regardless of whether I was home or worked full time out of the home.  He has always worked out of the home, but has a preference for going in early and coming home early (usually 6 or 7am to 4-ish pm).   He is a MUCH better cook than I am.

He cooks both breakfast and dinner.  For breakfast, he leaves mine for me to heat up when I get up since I don't get up nearly as early as he does.

[marbel]

Until last week I was a full-time stay-at-home mom/homeschooling parent/homemaker.  So I have always done 95% of the cooking and all other food-related tasks. He grills; for some reason I have never mastered that art. (I keep meaning to.) I recently started working so he and the kids, who are in college but live at home, are starting to cook more. 

BTW I generally enjoy cooking more than he does.

[LucyStoner]

That would be me.  

He applies heat to things I have prepared or convenience foods.  He grills mostly because I hate gas grills and that’s all we are allowed here.  He makes breakfast on Sundays.  He does a bit of baking.  Cooking is not really his thing.  He does a lot of other housework.  

[lmrich]

I cook, he cleans. Grocery shopping is split more like 80-20. I work 20 - 35 hours a week - about 1/2 in the home and 1/2 outside. He works from home, but he works 40 - 60 hours a week. 

One summer, I had the kids each cook a meal and clean it up. I should do that again. On vacation, we gave each person a day to do all the meals and all the clean-up. I took 2 days. That was a great vacation. 

[Loesje22000]

DH and DD.

the cleaning and the dishes are for me

[scholastica]

It’s me. Sometimes help from a kid. My dh has learned to cook a bit since we married. He no longer qualifies for Worst Cooks in America. The kids do celebrate when “Dad’s making dinner” because it means we’re eating out.

ETA. I don’t mind a bit. I love to cook.

[AK_Mom4]

DH cooks here.  I am happy to take the clean up chores but get no enjoyment from cooking and am a stupid-picky eater. DH cooks what he likes, good food hits the table for everyone and I pick around what I don’t like.   Everyone is fed and happy. 

[Selkie]

Food is 100% my department - planning, obtaining, and cooking.

[Night Elf]

I answered we both do because we usually cook together. Maybe 1 night I might have dinner ready, or almost ready, when he comes home from work. We usually have steak on Sundays and he cooks that meal. Usually some form of potato along with the meat. So I guess we each have 1 night where we do all or most of the cooking, and 5 nights of working together.

[SeaConquest]

He cooks. I clean the dishes and put the clothes in the wash. I grocery shop (mostly online). We have a housekeeper to clean the house and to put the clothes away. He runs our business. I homeschool the kids and handle the bills.

[cjzimmer1]

DH knows how to cook and even taught me in a few areas where I had no experience (AKA anything involving yeast).  I've always enjoyed cooking and did all the cooking in my family from about 12 on so it was no big deal for me to continue it when I got married and had kids of my own.  But as a result, DH no loner cooks at all because he doesn't know what I have planned for, where I have things stored etc.  He'll bake frozen pizzas when I'm gone or have the kids make spaghetti but he seems to forgotten that he does actually know how to cook.  On the other hand my cooking skills have improved so dramatically, that co-workers are willing to pay my DH and my son to let them (the co-workers) eat the leftovers they (my DH and son) have taken for lunch.  My oldest seldom goes out to eat because he says my cooking is way better than what you can buy at a restaurant so I'm not likely to get off the hook anytime soon (but it's okay because 90+% of the time I enjoy it).

[ondreeuh]

I do nearly all of it. My husband actually would be willing to cook more, but his idea of cooking is grilling sausages and he doesn't know how to do much else. He also gets home around 6, and I would prefer to eat at 5:45 (haha) so I'm happy to cook as it means I can eat sooner. Every once in a while he will make cookies with the kids or come up with a recipe to try, but it's a rare thing. He is very appreciative and does a lot of the grocery shopping on his way home from work. The kids clean up after dinner, so I don't feel put out by this arrangement.

I am currently teaching my 17 yr old how to cook. My goal is for him to have a whole book of recipes he can make. Clueless in the Kitchen is a great source of recipes - real ingredients, simple techniques, and a good variety of healthy foods.

[rebcoola]

Dh enjoys cooking more and is better at it he would probably do 100% if his schedule allowed.  For now its about 50/50 with the occasional meal by our tween.

[freesia]

We share. I do less than 75%, but more than 60. He normally does the grocery shopping. We've done this since having kids, although before kids and me being a sahp we were 50/50. 

My kids cook some but not as much as I had envisioned. 

[frogger]

I couldn't vote because it changed over the years. Before kids when we both worked he cooked and I cleaned. Once I decided to stay home I did 90% of cooking although he was happy to make me an omelett or special dinner on the weekend. Currently it is a mix of who has time at the moment shared between mostly DH and I and 2 oldest children with third child doing a fair number of breakfasts since he is great at pancakes and french toast. 

[Tsuga]

He cooks about 60% of the time. He has much more mental stamina to do it while the kids are there. I end up buying more stuff though. 

ETA: Kids make their own lunches, and besides that, they will load or unload the dishwasher and cook once a week once they're teens, or do other chores. But as a meal planning mechanism, we don't rely on the kids. They have other activities they do as well. It's just really hard on school nights to put that above homework.

[Liz CA]

All depends on schedules. When I was home back in the day, I cooked close to 100% of the time. Once I went back to work, things shifted. Now, we both have fluctuating schedules - client appointments - rather than structured work from 8-5. I work more irregular hours (sometimes till 8pm) than dh so he cooks more now. He is a good cook and does not mind doing it now and then but would probably not want to do it all the time. I like cooking but when I get home late, I am too bushed to put any energy into it and would just snack if nothing was prepared.

[HomeAgain]

Dh cooks 4+ nights a week.  The other 3 he isn't home, but he still makes sure I have all the things I need to cook something he can use the leftovers of for his lunch.  Usually it's either a Blue Apron kit or the recipe cards - except Tuesday.  Tuesdays are tacos as often as the 8yo can get us to make them. ? Dh is a really, REALLY good cook, though!

I do most of the clean up and sous chef work: washing, getting out the prep bowls, etc.  And I do most of the dessert making because I prefer working with sweets though I don't like eating them.

[Loowit]

I do the menu planning and cook most of the time.  I am supposed to have Sundays off, but DH has a lot going on so I often offer to do the cooking then too.  Today he made lunch and he is planning to make dinner.  I enjoy cooking, though it isn't as much fun with picky eaters in the house.

[marbel]

5 minutes ago, Seasider too said:

 

This is how it is here. If dh cooks "a meal," it's very batchelor-like - a grilled junk of meat. Maybe with a bun if it's a burger. No real thought to side dishes. So if he says he's fixing a meal, I know if any kids and I will be around to eat, I'll also have some kitchen work to do. 

This is something I've been thinking about a lot lately, as I wind up my active homeschooling and parenting in the home years. Before we had kids, we both had careers, and worked together in this food acquisition and preparation (and clean up!) business. After many years as the resident homemaker, I rather think I've spoiled him. While I am back to work, and embracing a new, more flexible schedule of urgent household needs, come 5pm he's still starting to look around for dinner to magically appear. I sense we're going to have to have a serious pow-wow about how the next season of life will look. I didn't mind being a servant to a busy family, but I feel it's time to get our partnership back on equal footing. 

 

This is where I'm at. My husband and I used to love to cook together. Of course, when we were both working and had no kids, our food budget was a bit more... flexible.  :-) . I started working on changes to our typical routines and practices when I started looking for a job, and now that it's happened, we are all feeling the pain of the change.  We are all learning new routines and everyone's household workload is changing.  I willingly took on the task of feeding everyone 21 years ago, so it will take some time to change the way everyone thinks about that.  

So far I have been making the meal plan - with input, but I have always done that - and ensured that recipes and ingredients were available as needed. So far my family has successfully  made tuna casserole with salad for side, Mississippi pot roast with green beans and smashed potatoes, and a cheater chicken curry (chicken, vegetables, jar of simmer sauce) and rice,. A small start.  

[SKL]

Well none of the options apply to me.  I answered "we both do" but I'm not married.  The cooking is a mix around here between:

• Restaurants / fast food.
• Kids prepping easy stuff.
• Other adults living here.
• Me.

It varies who does the most.

[lavender's green]

We both do a bit. DH usually does breakfast. I'd be fine with a little toast or yogurt but he likes to make a big hot meal for everyone. Lunch is soup, salad, or sandwich. If it's soup I do it, but he does the others. I try to start dinner, but depending on how needy the kids are in the afternoon, he might do it. He also has a few specialties that he likes to make for dinner. I think it works out roughly evenly, but the work will shift to me this fall when the kids are out of the house more. I'm cool with that.

When I was growing up my dad worked slightly earlier hours than my mom, so he usually made weeknight dinners. Mom had to travel for work a couple times a year and my grandma always made such a fuss about inviting us to dinner so that we'd get at least one decent meal while mom was away. LOL.

[Mimm]

I cook all the time. I mostly enjoy it. ?

[Pawz4me]

I do all the dinner cooking here. DH's cooking skills don't go beyond heating up a can of soup. My brother does some cooking, mostly weekend breakfasts or soup/chili on a snow day kind of stuff. One of my BILs does all their cooking and most of the grocery shopping. He likes to cook more than anyone else I know.

[elegantlion]

Other: I live with my son and my mom. We tend to cook for ourselves. My mom will occasionally cook something for us all. I cook rarely, ds cooks most of his own meals. I hate cooking, I despise meal planning, and much of the stress in my former marriage was related to cooking and eating. I am in a season of my life where I don't have to cook much and I am so glad. We have pizza delivered about once a week. 

[AngieW in Texas]

My 22yo and I are the only ones who cook in our house. While my dh is actually a very good cook, he does not cook.

Since I started teaching at ps four years ago, I have dropped down my cooking for the family to maybe 1x/week. My 22yo cooks 2-3x/week and anybody is welcome to eat what she makes. You just have to be careful when she cooks because she likes HEAT.

It's pretty much fend for yourself around here. The exception is that I will cook for my 20yo. A has a chronic pain condition and has to be careful not to overdo things. Standing to cook is a challenge. Standing to take a shower is a challenge. So I will cook for my 20yo, but I don't generally intentionally cook for anybody else unless I feel like it. 

We are all adults and can cook our own food.

[Carrie12345]

I don’t think I’m much more than 60%, if that, when it comes to dinner. The kids cook plenty, and dh does most of the grilling. 

Everyone is usually on their own for breakfast and lunch. 

[BooksandBoys]

I do 95% of the cooking. I don’t enjoy it, but we have to eat. Before children, so the first 4 years of marriage, we shared cooking rather equally, or, for a bit, he cooked more (though I have always been responsible for 95% of the grocery shopping). At the beginning of our marriage, he was a much better cook than I, but he taught well and I learned quickly.

Once the first kid was born, he abdicated the kitchen. If I had to guess, I’d say he couldn’t figure out how to combine kid noise/needs and cooking. He’s always been a one-track mind guy. I worked full-time the first three years we had kids, so it wasn’t like it was a SAHM thing. He just opted for freezer meals or leftovers (or went out to eat) when I wasn’t available to cook. Even now, if I leave the house during a mealtime, he forgets to feed the kids, even when they ask. Thankfully, they are getting old enough to fend for themselves.

I also do 95% of the cleaning, more than 50% of the yard maintenance (which, admittedly, isn’t much), all the bills, remember and schedule all the car maintenance (he blew up his car engine once because he didn’t think he needed to  check the oil regularly....the oil that was chronically going low), all but perhaps 2 loads of laundry a year, and, of course, all the people management. He does do dishes (but never wipes counters ?) about once a week. It’s rather one-sided here. 

I absolutely refuse to take his work clothes to the dry cleaners. I also refuse to iron. He often ends up paying rush fees at the cleaners so that he has clean clothes for business trips. I keep waiting for him to figure this out, but it’s been 10 years. ?? It’s hard on my frugal heart to not take over this task too, but it’s not like it costs what a car engine costs. ?

[LucyStoner]

One of the main reasons my husband doesn't cook much is that he struggles to cook in short time windows, especially timing things to all hit the table hot.  He also will get really odd ideas about combining foods that don't go together at all.  When he was a child, he NEVER got any first-hand experience with cooking other than making toast.  When we got together, he was teaching himself to bake but he'd never so much as scrambled an egg before.  

[Targhee]

We probably have an 80/20 split. DH works 12 hour shifts including nights and weekends so he often isn’t even around for dinner. When he is home we like to cook together. Sometimes he does breakfast before I’m up.

[Teaching3bears]

We have a team of professional chefs come to the house.at 6:30 every morning.  They bring with them a van full of the finest ingredients.  Local organic produce picked that morning, freshly-slaughtered, grain-fed organic meats.  Fresh caught fish and seafood.  Chocolate and various gourmet products from from Europe.  I could go on about the lovely ingredients ... Fine fresh ingredients professionally prepared makes a real difference!

The team stays in the kitchen until 7:00 pm.  They leave fresh-made snacks on the table in case I get hungry later.  They prepare all the meals so quietly I hardly know they are there.  But, whatever I ask for they give me.  I just have to sit back and enjoy it.  They do all the cleanup.

I am very happy with this set-up and strongly recommend it to you all.  The best part of it is that it costs nothing because it happens in my dreams.

[AmandaVT]

DH is the better cook, he grew up with a chef for a dad who taught him a ton and he spent a lot of time in restaurant kitchens when he was in his teens/early 20's. I'm a decent home cook and DH has taught me a lot over the years. 

I do the majority of the cooking now because of DH's schedule. The earliest he usually gets home is 7-730 and if he has band practice after work, it's midnight or later, so we'd starve if he did all the cooking. He loves to cook on his days off, but I do the bulk of the food prep/cooking around here. I enjoy it, so it works out well. 

[Zinnias]

I cook 100% of the time and have since we got together (dating and before kids). He can cook very basic things, but I am a very picky eater, and I don't like his cooking.  He did learn to cook himself eggs in the last 2 years, and that handmade us both much happier 

[CAJinBE]

I did 99% of the cooking until my disc herniation. Now I do 0%. My dh and two dds have been cooking the last 7 weeks. There has been a giant shift in workload in our home. I think the doctor is going to tell me this week it is okay to resume housework, but my dh has said he does not want me to go back to doing it all. He is actually an amazing cook when we have guests or on the holidays, but after work he is not inspired to the same level. But he will make a Hello Fresh meal or pasta. Yay! This back surgery thing has a "silver lining".

[laundrycrisis]

We both do.  Kids also make themselves food, but they don’t often make anything for someone else to eat, and they don’t make dinner unless they’ve been told that we’re not making it. 

[Upennmama]

I cook all the meals, but my DH will grill or help if I ask him too. 

[Kareni]

My husband does the cooking; I do the dishes.  I cook a meal once or twice a month. 

Regards,
Kareni

[HomeAgain]

I already answered, but I wanted to add that dh and I divide chores in the house based on strengths/personal dislikes.  I absolutely detest folding laundry and cooking.  Dh really isn't a fan of yard work and dishes.  He'll gladly do laundry all day and cook gourmet meals while I don't mind the peacefulness of washing up and I like working outdoors.  We split most of the other chores the same way: he'll scrub toilets while I do the showers/tubs. Or he'll clean the cars while I don't mind doing the garage.  I keep track of everyone's calendars while dh does the meal plans.

So yeah, dh cooks most nights, but it's because it's a personal strength of his while it definitely isn't one of mine.  I could cook more often but we're a happier family this way.

[HS Mom in NC]

Me.

My husband is a good cook, but he never has the time and my older two are adults living on their own, but middle daughter and her husband will live with us during the 1-2 week window it takes for the movers to deliver their stuff from across the country, so I'll have another cook in the house then.

I cooked most of the time when the kids were all home.  My kids all learn how to cook and when they're home they help out by cooking and when we're doing food prep, meal planning, and shopping. When we were crazy busy with 3 kids at home the older two (then teens) cooked 2 dinners each every week and I cooked the rest.

[Elfknitter.#]

I plan and buy the food. Since I'm not home til after dinner, dh cooks it. This is pretty much 4-5 nights of the week (sometimes Friday is take out night).

On weekends, I cook dinner and occasionally breakfast. Dh like cooking breakfasts.

[Bambam]

I do the majority of the cooking, but I have made the kids help as well. The last teen girl loves cooking, so when she isn't busy in the evenings (children's theater), she will happily cook the meal. I do the cooking because I'm the one home and a better cook than my dh. He, however, smokes meat regularly (maybe every 5-6 weeks) and makes yogurt weekly. 

[Teacher Mom]

Even split now that my daughter is in college. Before, it was all me. Now, after an epic meltdown by me after unexpected dinner guests, my husband is learning how to cook. 

[Ravin]

My husband cooks dinner most of the time, and has been since he quit working in restaurants and went back to school. His girlfriend and I do pick up the slack around finals time, and once or twice a month, he goes out with his BFF and we fend for ourselves without him, and GF will cook when her boys come over, maybe once every month or two (since they graduated high school, they are more likely to take her out than to come over and eat our food).

I will point out that your survey assumes everyone here is either single or married to someone of the opposite gender. 

You also left off the possibility of having the kids do some of the cooking.

[Donna]

You don't have my answer in your poll.

Since deciding to eat a completely plant-based diet about a year ago, dd16 has done the majority of the cooking in our house, probably about 80%. Only dh, dd, and I live in the house. Dd loves to research ideas and create her own gourmet vegan recipes.