Friend damaged car

[Jean in Newcastle]

24 minutes ago, Catwoman said:

 

I would be more understanding about this if the guy was another 18yo and not a 70yo. Seriously, what kind of negligent idiot mows UNDER a parked car?  It’s not like he could have mowed all the way under the car, anyway, so he would have had to go back later and finish up, so why not just ask Scarlett’s ds to move his car for a few minutes so he could mow the parking area?

The man did a very stupid thing and he damaged Scarlett’s son’s car. Yes, it’s minor damage, but I’m confused as to why most people are ridiculing Scarlett, and why they seem to think her son should either drive the car as it is or pay out of his own pocket to have it repaired at a body shop. Why shouldn’t he want his car to remain in pristine condition, and why should he pay for the repair when he wasn’t responsible for the damage? Many people really do care about driving a nice car, and I assume Scarlett’s son is among them. 

Nobody is ridiculing anyone.  We're responding to a thread like we are supposed to on a message board.  The thread was not marked JAWM and people have opinions about what to do (or not do) about it. 

[Scarlett]

31 minutes ago, Thatboyofmine said:

Do y’all have a technical/vocational college?  Ds is in the auto collision program and they work on this type of thing (and much, much worse) all the time.   It would probably cost half, if I had to guess. 

My son works for a repair shop. 

[unsinkable]

If it can't be fixed with duct tape and baling wire, it doesn't need to be fixed.

[Angie in VA]

If the other boy were mine, I'd make sure the family was paid even if DH and I paid it, then I'd make sure ds paid us back!

If my ds's car was damaged, I would hope he'd talk to his parents if friend refused to pay. I would also be holding DH back b/c he wouldn't be happy at all. 

But most of all, I'd be glad it wasn't my son's cornea. I know a woman whose ds was playing in the snow w/ his next door neighbor. Neighbor kid picked up a snow ball and smashed it into her ds's face. There was a lot of ice in it and IRRC his cornea was scratched. He still sees a specialist about it and has issues and that was >15 years ago. Friend and her DH talked to the kid's parents and they never offered any money toward their medical bills. I don't think they even apologized or had their son apologize. Friends also never pursued a claim w/ their insurance. So sad. 

[Amber in SJ]

The relevant question is would you pay the full estimated amount if it were your son's fault or if it happened in a parking lot & someone was a jerk and left no note.  Or will you pay the full estimated amount if the old dude flat out refuses to pay?  If the answer is yes, that you consider that to be a reasonable amount to pay if you were paying it, then by all means ask the old dude & let the chips fall where they may.  I do believe that your son can expect a loss of this relationship or at least a cooling.  If the answer is that you would attempt to find a cheaper solution like a DIY or a auto repair school (I didn't know that was an option) then I might figure out what that cost would be and offer that solution to the old guy.

My reaction may be colored by the fact that last year, my 20yo dd in her 2002 Mercedes scratched the bumper of a 2016 Prius.  It was totally her fault.  There was zero (and I mean ZERO) damage to her car. We saw the photos she took of his bumper with her phone at the time of the accident.  It was on the level of the photo you posted. He refused to not go through the insurances.  He would not give us an estimate, would not let us pay and insisted on notifying his & our insurances.  Which he was perfectly within his right to do but the consequences were devastating to DD.  He found a body shop to quote $4,700 for total bumper replacement.  Our insurance just ate it and tripled (tripled!) our premium.  She is in college and works 2 jobs.  She can't not drive or not have insurance.  She certainly couldn't afford the price hike.  She pays for her part on our policy.  We have had this auto insurance longer than we have been married (28 years) & have never submitted a claim.  Because we couldn't it afford either we had to find other insurance.  Sometimes our insistence that someone receive the full consequences of an accident can have catastrophic consequences.  I have no idea about the other person's situation and you won't know unless you ask.

Amber in SJ

 

[gardenmom5]

6 hours ago, Scarlett said:

It is significantly worse than a ding.  It is many scratches and many of them are to the  bare metal, or what ever material. Ds and I both work for an autobody repair shop. There will be no way he will do any version of DIY.

then you're stuck needing to present him with a bill.   that's nice that if it was his car, he'd just put fingernail polish on it.  (I seriously doubt his stance on this . . . .).  I hope the friendship survives.

[Scarlett]

1 hour ago, Amber in SJ said:

The relevant question is would you pay the full estimated amount if it were your son's fault or if it happened in a parking lot & someone was a jerk and left no note.  Or will you pay the full estimated amount if the old dude flat out refuses to pay?  If the answer is yes, that you consider that to be a reasonable amount to pay if you were paying it, then by all means ask the old dude & let the chips fall where they may.  I do believe that your son can expect a loss of this relationship or at least a cooling.  If the answer is that you would attempt to find a cheaper solution like a DIY or a auto repair school (I didn't know that was an option) then I might figure out what that cost would be and offer that solution to the old guy.

My reaction may be colored by the fact that last year, my 20yo dd in her 2002 Mercedes scratched the bumper of a 2016 Prius.  It was totally her fault.  There was zero (and I mean ZERO) damage to her car. We saw the photos she took of his bumper with her phone at the time of the accident.  It was on the level of the photo you posted. He refused to not go through the insurances.  He would not give us an estimate, would not let us pay and insisted on notifying his & our insurances.  Which he was perfectly within his right to do but the consequences were devastating to DD.  He found a body shop to quote $4,700 for total bumper replacement.  Our insurance just ate it and tripled (tripled!) our premium.  She is in college and works 2 jobs.  She can't not drive or not have insurance.  She certainly couldn't afford the price hike.  She pays for her part on our policy.  We have had this auto insurance longer than we have been married (28 years) & have never submitted a claim.  Because we couldn't it afford either we had to find other insurance.  Sometimes our insistence that someone receive the full consequences of an accident can have catastrophic consequences.  I have no idea about the other person's situation and you won't know unless you ask.

Amber in SJ

 

I am sorry about your dd.  Sorry he was a jerk.....if someone is offering to pay out of pocket there is zero reason to insist on insurance being involved especially if a reputable shop does the work,. We have people doing that all of the time where I work.  

To answer you question yes Ds would absolutely have it repaired properly regardless of whether the man pays up or not.  He has done so already when he had someone ding his car and not tell him they did it.  

He gave our friend the estimate tonight.  He was shocked by the price and asked a few questions ( he knows our boss very well too) .  He said he thought it would be less than $100.....:). Ds suggested homeowners but he doesn't even have homeowners! Ds told him there was no hurry at all....and later at home I mentioned to Ds that it might be good to tell our friend he is free to pay it out if it is a hardship.

so all is well.  He did not refuse to pay and I do not believe the friendship is ruined. 

[Scarlett]

3 hours ago, Angie in VA said:

If the other boy were mine, I'd make sure the family was paid even if DH and I paid it, then I'd make sure ds paid us back!

If my ds's car was damaged, I would hope he'd talk to his parents if friend refused to pay. I would also be holding DH back b/c he wouldn't be happy at all. 

But most of all, I'd be glad it wasn't my son's cornea. I know a woman whose ds was playing in the snow w/ his next door neighbor. Neighbor kid picked up a snow ball and smashed it into her ds's face. There was a lot of ice in it and IRRC his cornea was scratched. He still sees a specialist about it and has issues and that was >15 years ago. Friend and her DH talked to the kid's parents and they never offered any money toward their medical bills. I don't think they even apologized or had their son apologize. Friends also never pursued a claim w/ their insurance. So sad. 

Terrible about the boys eye!

You might have missed it in the comfusion of this thread, but an older man did the damage.  

[Bootsie]

4 hours ago, Catwoman said:

 

The man did a very stupid thing and he damaged Scarlett’s son’s car. Yes, it’s minor damage, but I’m confused as to why most people are ridiculing Scarlett, and why they seem to think her son should either drive the car as it is or pay out of his own pocket to have it repaired at a body shop. Why shouldn’t he want his car to remain in pristine condition, and why should he pay for the repair when he wasn’t responsible for the damage? Many people really do care about driving a nice car, and I assume Scarlett’s son is among them. 

I can understand that he wants his car to remain in pristine condition.  If I were asked, would I offer to pay if I had done the damage, ihe answer would be "yes."  But, this is a situation where it appears that the man is not going to offer to pay and may even refuse to pay when an estimate is delivered.  I can keep my car in pristine condition by parking it in my garage.  Once I drive the car and park it on someone else's property, there is a chance it is going to get scratched.  There is a chance that the person who is responsible for the scratch is not going to offer to pay to fix the scratch.  The other person may not offer because they don't have the money, because they don't value maintaining my car in pristine condition as much as I do, or because they are of poor character.  That is the risk I take when I park my car there.    

[Scarlett]

1 minute ago, jdahlquist said:

I can understand that he wants his car to remain in pristine condition.  If I were asked, would I offer to pay if I had done the damage, ihe answer would be "yes."  But, this is a situation where it appears that the man is not going to offer to pay and may even refuse to pay when an estimate is delivered.  I can keep my car in pristine condition by parking it in my garage.  Once I drive the car and park it on someone else's property, there is a chance it is going to get scratched.  There is a chance that the person who is responsible for the scratch is not going to offer to pay to fix the scratch.  The other person may not offer because they don't have the money, because they don't value maintaining my car in pristine condition as much as I do, or because they are of poor character.  That is the risk I take when I park my car there.    

You might have missed the update but he was given the estimate and he is going to pay it.  

[Garga]

If you gave me a bill I’d pay it.  But I’d realize that your values and mine were light years apart.  Those scratches are minor and it should be a DIY job.  Taking that in for hundreds of dollars of repairs shows your values are different from mine.  I think those scratches are a petty thing to spend that much money on.  

I would back away from the friendship entirely because I would be afraid that any little thing I did would be turned into a mountain and I wouldn’t want to deal with the drama.

[Scarlett]

7 minutes ago, Garga said:

If you gave me a bill I’d pay it.  But I’d realize that your values and mine were light years apart.  Those scratches are minor and it should be a DIY job.  Taking that in for hundreds of dollars of repairs shows your values are different from mine.  I think those scratches are a petty thing to spend that much money on.  

I would back away from the friendship entirely because I would be afraid that any little thing I did would be turned into a mountain and I wouldn’t want to deal with the drama.

Any little thing?  It was a $390 thing that someone did to Ds's car. We all make mistakes but what this man did was very dumb.

[LucyStoner]

5 hours ago, Scarlett said:

My son works for a repair shop. 

 

If your son works for a repair shop, WHY is he going to pay $390 for it?  Presumably, he either can fix it himself or buy dinner for a friend who works in painting?  Can't he get it done at cost?  I don't work at a shop and I still can usually work something out to get more significant work done for less.  

An elderly man he considers a friend is significantly more important than some minor scratches on a Prius.  I hope your son has the wisdom to tear up the check and let the man know it is no big deal.  

This is the social contract:  I damage your item, I insist on paying.  If you won't let me, I try to do something nice to compensate you. You damage my item and I will insist it's no big deal and please don't worry about it.  And I mean it.  But I won't say no if you pay the next time we go skating or to the movies.  

ETA:  The average social security benefits are about $1150/month.  Perhaps my opinion is influenced by thinking that this gentleman's frugality is born of necessity.  

[gardenmom5]

5 hours ago, unsinkable said:

If it can't be fixed with duct tape and baling wire, it doesn't need to be fixed.

you left out the wd-40

[Tsuga]

15 hours ago, Scarlett said:

A friend damaged ds's car while he was parked there.  Friend was mowing the lawn and somehow got the mower hung up under ds's car and scratched the paint to the bare metal.  Friend is older...maybe close to 70....and a little eccentric and known for being very frugal.  He told ds 'hey I did this to your car, I think it will buff out and if it doesn't you can use some finger nail polish on it.'

Well, the estimate for repair is $390.  Ds is going to give friend the estimate today but he feels soooooo sure friend will refuse to pay it.  Any ideas of words to have in mind in case he does indeed just flat out refuse to pay?  I don't think he will refuse honestly, but ds is pretty worried.

 

I wouldn't ask a late-60s friend to repair a car. MAYBE if my friend were making a cool six figures and took special pride in a car's appearance, I'd let them know I was filing a claim and ask if they'd split it so we could avoid insurance. Maybe.

I also wouldn't repair a scratch that only cost $400

I don't think you should ask. If you have insurance, make a claim not against friend ("it just happened") and if you don't, pay yourself, or don't get it done.

My choice would be not getting anything done. My car has a lot of scratches and I just don't care. My peace of mind comes from knowing that people > things and I'm okay with a functional and imperfect vehicle.

[Catwoman]

14 hours ago, Jean in Newcastle said:

Older friend is probably on a fixed income.  If he puts in a claim with his homeowner's insurance his insurance might go up.  I would take those two things into account.  I bet that older friend is frugal because he has to be. 

 

12 hours ago, lavender's green said:

I've caused scratches like that and offered to pay, but was turned down.

A friend's wild preschooler did $$$ damage to our garage door without her knowledge, and I never brought it up to her.

To me, that's just the nature of a mechanical, utilitarian object. It gets dinged up while serving its function. We drive our cars around until they're on their last legs, and no, they're not rust buckets. But they are just tools and not worth bringing bad blood into a friendship.

Especially with the friend's age and likely fixed income, I'd just let it pass.

 

2 hours ago, LucyStoner said:

 

If your son works for a repair shop, WHY is he going to pay $390 for it?  Presumably, he either can fix it himself or buy dinner for a friend who works in painting?  Can't he get it done at cost?  I don't work at a shop and I still can usually work something out to get more significant work done for less.  

An elderly man he considers a friend is significantly more important than some minor scratches on a Prius.  I hope your son has the wisdom to tear up the check and let the man know it is no big deal.  

This is the social contract:  I damage your item, I insist on paying.  If you won't let me, I try to do something nice to compensate you. You damage my item and I will insist it's no big deal and please don't worry about it.  And I mean it.  But I won't say no if you pay the next time we go skating or to the movies.  

ETA:  The average social security benefits are about $1150/month.  Perhaps my opinion is influenced by thinking that this gentleman's frugality is born of necessity.  

 

I have noticed that at least a few people are suggesting that the 70yo man probably can’t afford to pay the $390 and I’m wondering if I missed a post somewhere, because I don’t recall Scarlett having mentioned that the man is poor. If I missed something, I apologize.

We know that the man is a homeowner and a landlord, so I would guess that he is probably more able to afford the $390 than Scarlett’s 18yo son. Why are people making the assumption that because the man is 70 years old, he must be poor and on a low fixed income? I mean, for all I know he could be, but just because he’s frugal doesn’t necessarily mean he’s broke. Actually, if he has always been frugal, he may be a lot wealthier than most people might suspect.

[Scarlett]

5 hours ago, LucyStoner said:

 

If your son works for a repair shop, WHY is he going to pay $390 for it?  Presumably, he either can fix it himself or buy dinner for a friend who works in painting?  Can't he get it done at cost?  I don't work at a shop and I still can usually work something out to get more significant work done for less.  

An elderly man he considers a friend is significantly more important than some minor scratches on a Prius.  I hope your son has the wisdom to tear up the check and let the man know it is no big deal.  

This is the social contract:  I damage your item, I insist on paying.  If you won't let me, I try to do something nice to compensate you. You damage my item and I will insist it's no big deal and please don't worry about it.  And I mean it.  But I won't say no if you pay the next time we go skating or to the movies.  

ETA:  The average social security benefits are about $1150/month.  Perhaps my opinion is influenced by thinking that this gentleman's frugality is born of necessity.  

He cleans the cars, takes out trash, delivers cars, Runs all sorts of errands, sometimes works in the bosses other business. He isn't being trained on how to repair and paint.  Nor is this the kind of 'buddy's' shop where the boss lets them do their own jobs. It is a small town and he has been in business a long time and if he did at cost for every elderly man who didn't want to pay full cost he wouldn't be in business. I just remembered this man is an inlaw to my boss.  

Anyway, the assumption seems to be if we expect  for a person to pay for some damage that he caused then we must not value people over things.  

[Hilltopmom]

I’m kinda shocked that you BOTH work there AND the man is an in law to the shop’s owner and you’re still going to be charged $400! Wow.

No need to reply. Just surprised by that. The culture must be different in your small town than mine.

[ktgrok]

17 minutes ago, Hilltopmom said:

I’m kinda shocked that you BOTH work there AND the man is an in law to the shop’s owner and you’re still going to be charged $400! Wow.

No need to reply. Just surprised by that. The culture must be different in your small town than mine.

Seriously!!! This would be a "we'll do it after my shift" thing ideally. Or at least an employee discount! 

[Angie in VA]

8 hours ago, Scarlett said:

Terrible about the boys eye!

You might have missed it in the comfusion of this thread, but an older man did the damage.  

 Duh, Angie. Yes, I totally missed that. I worry about myself sometimes! Thanks. 

[unsinkable]

1 hour ago, Scarlett said:

He cleans the cars, takes out trash, delivers cars, Runs all sorts of errands, sometimes works in the bosses other business. He isn't being trained on how to repair and paint.  Nor is this the kind of 'buddy's' shop where the boss lets them do their own jobs. It is a small town and he has been in business a long time and if he did at cost for every elderly man who didn't want to pay full cost he wouldn't be in business. I just remembered this man is an inlaw to my boss.  

Anyway, the assumption seems to be if we expect  for a person to pay for some damage that he caused then we must not value people over things.  

Re valuing people over things:

It could also be said that if a person who damages a friend's property then ends the friendship bc he had to pay for the repair values money over friendship.

[unsinkable]

4 hours ago, Catwoman said:

 

 

 

I have noticed that at least a few people are suggesting that the 70yo man probably can’t afford to pay the $390 and I’m wondering if I missed a post somewhere, because I don’t recall Scarlett having mentioned that the man is poor. If I missed something, I apologize.

We know that the man is a homeowner and a landlord, so I would guess that he is probably more able to afford the $390 than Scarlett’s 18yo son. Why are people making the assumption that because the man is 70 years old, he must be poor and on a low fixed income? I mean, for all I know he could be, but just because he’s frugal doesn’t necessarily mean he’s broke. Actually, if he has always been frugal, he may be a lot wealthier than most people might suspect.

 

You're right. We just don't know Lawnmower Man's financial situation. 

We could just as easily say an 18 yo who is preparing for college simply cannot afford the repair bc he needs to save all his money pay for school.

[unsinkable]

I remember I needed a brake light cover for my car once in order for it to pass inspection. It cost $250+ new!!!

And I couldn't find it at any local aftermarket places or anywhere online. 

I know that is different from paint work but car stuff is expensive.

[Mimm]

1 hour ago, Scarlett said:

 

Anyway, the assumption seems to be if we expect  for a person to pay for some damage that he caused then we must not value people over things.   

That's kinda what I'm assuming. Especially such minor damage. The most important priority in this thread is that your car look pristine. You repeatedly emphatically stated that the car WOULD be repaired, and it would be done expensively (no diy jobs) and any concern for the person paying for it was basically dismissed by you. In fact, I'm not sure why you started this thread but I get the impression it was to find out how to get the money from the guy if he refused to pay.

I'm not sure how you can argue that people are more important than a thing to you in the light of this thread.

ETA: You have every right to expect the guy to pay for damage he caused. Just don't get all huffy when people think you are valuing a thing over a person. Because those are your actual priorities in this situation.

[Garga]

8 hours ago, Scarlett said:

Any little thing?  It was a $390 thing that someone did to Ds's car. We all make mistakes but what this man did was very dumb.

Yes, “any little thing.”

This is the crux of the issue:  The scratches are tiny.  No one is going to see them.  When I walk around outside next to cars, I don’t stare at their wheel wells.  No one does.  Not anyone being reasonable.  These scratches aren’t along the door or the hood or anywhere the eye naturally falls.  These are scratches in a place that people just don’t look. 

Again crux:  no one will even see these scratches.  You are fixing something that is virtually invisible to people.

Body work is crazy over-expensive, because when body shops fix things, they over-fix.  They replace entire sections of the car.

This is a “little thing”, because as people have said over and over, this is a DIY job.  You can go to a store and buy the supplies on your own for well under $100 ($30 is what other posters have said) and correctly and appropriately fix the problem.  You can happily charge your friend the $30 for the supplies.  

The fact that you and your son won’t do the normal thing (buff it out and paint it) but are choosing to take those scratches that no one will ever even notice to a body shop (a body shop!  For those tiny scratches!) that will charge you $390 is a bad use of your money.  

So your values and mine are different.  No way would I waste my money on something so superficial that people won’t even notice.  Ever.  Again, it’s not like the door has a big dent in it.  You’re paying to fix something that is vitually invisible to everyone.  And once it’s fixed as a DIY, it really will be invisible.  The paint will blend in.  But you’re choosing to have a body shop take your money for an easy at-home job.  They’re ripping you off. 

So, yeah, you can ask the guy to pay.  But asking him to pay $390 for a body shop is petty.  It’s a waste of his money.  It’s also a waste of yours if you didn’t ask him to pay.  And that’s where the values differ.

And if I was him, and I found out your values were such that you’d fix something invisible for $390, when you could have spent $30 or $50 on it, I’d be really scared how you’d react when something that actually is an issue happened.  This is such a non-issue.

[TCB]

17 hours ago, Scarlett said:

Well, it is a Prius so obviously not a status symbol.  LOL And he hopes to drive it into the ground which is why he wants to keep it up.  

 

 

Is that the only scratch he has on the whole car? One reason I like getting an older car is that it will already have minor stuff like that so when something inevitably happens it's no big deal. At some point his car will get a minor scratch like that again and I would ask if he was going to repair each one professionally. Honestly it stinks when your car gets it's first ding but I feel like some things like that are inevitable.

[Wheres Toto]

5 hours ago, Catwoman said:

 

 

 

I have noticed that at least a few people are suggesting that the 70yo man probably can’t afford to pay the $390 and I’m wondering if I missed a post somewhere, because I don’t recall Scarlett having mentioned that the man is poor. If I missed something, I apologize.

We know that the man is a homeowner and a landlord, so I would guess that he is probably more able to afford the $390 than Scarlett’s 18yo son. Why are people making the assumption that because the man is 70 years old, he must be poor and on a low fixed income? I mean, for all I know he could be, but just because he’s frugal doesn’t necessarily mean he’s broke. Actually, if he has always been frugal, he may be a lot wealthier than most people might suspect.

I think part of it may be - how many of us could easily afford to put out $400 for a minor, unexpected repair?  Since many of us would find that a burden, and an unnecessary use of funds, we feel sympathy for the guy.  Plus many older people ARE struggling.

[Scarlett]

30 minutes ago, Garga said:

Yes, “any little thing.”

This is the crux of the issue:  The scratches are tiny.  No one is going to see them.  When I walk around outside next to cars, I don’t stare at their wheel wells.  No one does.  Not anyone being reasonable.  These scratches aren’t along the door or the hood or anywhere the eye naturally falls.  These are scratches in a place that people just don’t look. 

Again crux:  no one will even see these scratches.  You are fixing something that is virtually invisible to people.

Body work is crazy over-expensive, because when body shops fix things, they over-fix.  They replace entire sections of the car.

This is a “little thing”, because as people have said over and over, this is a DIY job.  You can go to a store and buy the supplies on your own for well under $100 ($30 is what other posters have said) and correctly and appropriately fix the problem.  You can happily charge your friend the $30 for the supplies.  

The fact that you and your son won’t do the normal thing (buff it out and paint it) but are choosing to take those scratches that no one will ever even notice to a body shop (a body shop!  For those tiny scratches!) that will charge you $390 is a bad use of your money.  

So your values and mine are different.  No way would I waste my money on something so superficial that people won’t even notice.  Ever.  Again, it’s not like the door has a big dent in it.  You’re paying to fix something that is vitually invisible to everyone.  And once it’s fixed as a DIY, it really will be invisible.  The paint will blend in.  But you’re choosing to have a body shop take your money for an easy at-home job.  They’re ripping you off. 

So, yeah, you can ask the guy to pay.  But asking him to pay $390 for a body shop is petty.  It’s a waste of his money.  It’s also a waste of yours if you didn’t ask him to pay.  And that’s where the values differ.

And if I was him, and I found out your values were such that you’d fix something invisible for $390, when you could have spent $30 or $50 on it, I’d be really scared how you’d react when something that actually is an issue happened.  This is such a non-issue.

All of the bolded is either your opinion or flat out incorrect.  

But you are correct that it is a non-issue.  The friend said he will pay, ds told him no hurry and all is well in our world.  

[Scarlett]

26 minutes ago, Where's Toto? said:

I think part of it may be - how many of us could easily afford to put out $400 for a minor, unexpected repair?  Since many of us would find that a burden, and an unnecessary use of funds, we feel sympathy for the guy.  Plus many older people ARE struggling.

How about sympathy for an 18 year old kid who is working like crazy to have a little savings for when  he is in college 6 weeks from now and can't work much?

The real deal is that we all have a different tolerance for what is acceptable to not repair.  Some say 'well it isn't as if there is a big dent in the door.'  Well, I have news for you all, a lot of people are driving around with big dents in their doors---either because they can't afford to fix it or because they just don't care.  My son does care about scratches on his bumper. That is his right.  And he is not being harsh or unkind.  

[unsinkable]

I'm picturing Lawnmower Man steering his ride-on (was it a ride-on?) toward your son's car, trying to get as close as possible in order to get as much grass cut as possible. 

Considering he got beneath the car, it is incredible there isn't more damage!

[Scarlett]

11 minutes ago, unsinkable said:

I'm picturing Lawnmower Man steering his ride-on (was it a ride-on?) toward your son's car, trying to get as close as possible in order to get as much grass cut as possible. 

Considering he got beneath the car, it is incredible there isn't more damage!

It was a push mower.  And you know how low to the ground a Prius is anyway....so yeah I don't know what in the world he was thinking. 

[BarbecueMom]

If you do present him with a bill, it needs to be from a shop you and DS don’t benefit financially from.  I’d be pretty ticked if someone handed me a high estimate from a shop they work for, and expected me to pay full price. I would assume the actual cost would end up being discounted and they’d pocket the rest.

FWIW, I wouldn’t ever park any vehicle, especially a sedan or coupe, that you want to remain in perfect condition in the grass.  Sticks, rocks, ruts, etc.  The people I know who don’t want any scratches park way far away in parking lots, avoid gravel, and would never drive it into a yard.  My brother does park in the yard, but he has a Jeep with a lift kit, and tons of scratches from mudding and trails.

[unsinkable]

7 minutes ago, Scarlett said:

It was a push mower.  And you know how low to the ground a Prius is anyway....so yeah I don't know what in the world he was thinking. 

I'd guess he was trying to get as much grass cut as possible.

 

[unsinkable]

Just now, happysmileylady said:

Perhaps it's because I have never driven a car that didn't have a bunch of dings and cosmetic damage, but I honestly am having a hard time figuring out what the damage is in your pic.  That's not being snarky, I promise.  I genuinely am struggling to see it.  

Look at the tire. Find the Goodyear symbol (shoe with wing). Follow that to the left, then go up a bit.

There are horizontal scrapes in the paint and there are places where the paint is gone.

 

HTH

[regentrude]

18 minutes ago, Thatboyofmine said:

 His wife will back up into the garage door with her minivan. 

LOL. My FIL's reaction to MIL's encounter with the garage was the reason she never drove again after that day.

[Scarlett]

53 minutes ago, BarbecueMom said:

If you do present him with a bill, it needs to be from a shop you and DS don’t benefit financially from.  I’d be pretty ticked if someone handed me a high estimate from a shop they work for, and expected me to pay full price. I would assume the actual cost would end up being discounted and they’d pocket the rest.

FWIW, I wouldn’t ever park any vehicle, especially a sedan or coupe, that you want to remain in perfect condition in the grass.  Sticks, rocks, ruts, etc.  The people I know who don’t want any scratches park way far away in parking lots, avoid gravel, and would never drive it into a yard.  My brother does park in the yard, but he has a Jeep with a lift kit, and tons of scratches from mudding and trails.

Wow, there is no way he thinks that of my son.  He is a friend of the family.  He is an honorable man and my son is an honorable young adult.  

Btw, he wasn't parked in the yard.  He was parked on the side on what is  probably city right of way, but of course everyone has grass there and homeowners always mow it 

[unsinkable]

34 minutes ago, happysmileylady said:

Oh, Ok, thanks!  Now I see it!  

I kept looking at the shadow below that, thinking that maybe it was a dent, but maybe not lol.  

 

OP, glad your DS and his friend came to an agreement.  

Yeah, now I can see your shadow dent, haha.

[Scarlett]

Well, you can all rest easy that the man is not going to do without food, shelter or medication in order to pay this $390 bill.  My boss just told me he is quite well off but lives like he is destitute.  

[Catwoman]

44 minutes ago, Thatboyofmine said:

I have to agree with those saying this guy is an idiot.  No way would I be going back to that house/apt again.  Honestly I would have cussed and yelled and then when I got over my tantrum, I would have calmed down and told him I’m sorry for cussing and yelling, lol.   There’s a reason my dh calls me ‘the viking’.    Annnnddddddd, then we’d diy it.  Yes, you can diy that.  And if ds can’t do it himself, take it to a vocational school, which I already mentioned, but I didn’t realize you weren’t getting some sort of discount using your own place of business.  Seriously, that’s the 2nd craziest thing about this fiasco (1st being the guy mowing under the car).   You’re own business is charging an 18yo errand runner full price for those scratches???  Good grief.  

But here’s something else to consider...  this a a teachable moment for ds.   He’s going to get many car scratches in his lifetime.  His wife will back up into the garage door with her minivan.  His kids will bounce baseballs off the side of his car, a basketball or two, and definitely a football.  They’ll vomit in the backseat car pocket.  Spill milk that will turn rotten in five minutes on a summer day. Use the car as a bicycle prop and run the tricycle right under the back bumper.  Their grandma (that’d be you, lol) might even decide to play ‘tennis’ with them in the yard with no net or court, and swing with all her might to smash the ball into the next century, only to swing and hit his back taillight on his minivan.  That same grandma may insist on driving one day to lessen the burden and back straight up into someone’s brick mailbox.   Ask me how I know all this.   ?  IOW, sh*t happens and scratches aren’t a *huge* concern at the end of the day.   When your son goes to trade in his then 20 year old Prius, I can absolutely guarantee you that the person who buys it will know they are getting a 20 yo USED car.   Tell ds to watch YouTube videos and watch the guys at work, and then buy what he needs and do it himself.  What skills he learns will be invaluable. 

 

The funny thing is, though, that if the situation was reversed and Scarlett’s son had hit the older man’s car with a lawn mower, I think many of the posts on this thread would be different, and people would be saying that it was a “teachable moment” for Scarlett’s son to have to pay to repair the man’s car... because obviously he’s a careless 18yo who should have known better than to try to mow the lawn under someone’s car, so it would serve him right to have to pay the $390. ?

[Lang Syne Boardie]

10 minutes ago, Scarlett said:

Well, you can all rest easy that the man is not going to do without food, shelter or medication in order to pay this $390 bill.  My boss just told me he is quite well off but lives like he is destitute.  

 

That's not an uncommon strategy for remaining well off...

Scarlett, the community around this auto body shop sucks. I can't imagine what the history must be, between the owner and his relative, that he wants to charge him the full (exorbitant) price. Also, DIY would be a very reasonable approach for such *tiny* scratches, I don't know why nobody in the family is capable of it. Nobody should be paying no $400 in this case.

[Soror]

11 minutes ago, Catwoman said:

 

The funny thing is, though, that if the situation was reversed and Scarlett’s son had hit the older man’s car with a lawn mower, I think many of the posts on this thread would be different, and people would be saying that it was a “teachable moment” for Scarlett’s son to have to pay to repair the man’s car... because obviously he’s a careless 18yo who should have known better than to try to mow the lawn under someone’s car, so it would serve him right to have to pay the $390. ?

There have very well been threads that went just this way. 

I wouldn't bother fixing it but I don't think it is wrong to want it fixed, or vain. 

I backed into a friend's car last year, I offered to pay for it but she declined because like me her car was older. I was relieved but felt bad that it had damage that I caused. Yes, accidents happen that we sometimes have no control over but this was an accident that I caused- not some random act of God.

[Scarlett]

1 minute ago, Tibbie Dunbar said:

 

That's not an uncommon strategy for remaining well off...

Scarlett, the community around this auto body shop sucks. I can't imagine what the history must be, between the owner and his relative, that he wants to charge him the full (exorbitant) price. Also, DIY would be a very reasonable approach for such *tiny* scratches, I don't know why nobody in the family is capable of it. Nobody should be paying no $400 in this case.

It is not an exorbitant price.  It is a very standard price for repairing it correctly.  And also they are NOT tiny scratches.  I don't know why everyone keeps saying that.  Paint is completely missing.  And he doesn't want a DIY job where it is obvious it has been not done correctly. 

And there is no bad history between my boss and this man.  Not at all. I mean are you suggesting he is price gouging my son in an effort to harm the man?  Good grief.  As far as the 'community' around the body shop?  What does that mean?  Every employee and every relative should get a discount?  You really have no idea what that would even mean....my boss and his family have been in this area for GENERATIONS....he knows everyone, is related to many many people and has employed dozens of people over the years.   But for the record he is a very generous man---and I know this because I do personal work for him and office work.  He has done things for free for people, including me.  

You guys are always so super hard on everything about me and my life.  SMH

[LucyStoner]

1 hour ago, happysmileylady said:

Perhaps it's because I have never driven a car that didn't have a bunch of dings and cosmetic damage, but I honestly am having a hard time figuring out what the damage is in your pic.  That's not being snarky, I promise.  I genuinely am struggling to see it.  

The only reason that job would be $390 is if they are blending the entire front side of the car.  Most people would be ok with a coat of spray poly.  Of those who would not, a patch job would be fine.  Repainting and blending the entire front side over this is for people who place a very high value on their cars.  Cars are just boxes that drive from point A to point B.  I'm with you.  I do not get it.  This is exactly the sort of thing I teach my kids is just not a big deal because we do not live in bubbles and things get scratched and dinged. That said, I don't trade in my cars.  We sell them private party or just donate them when we are done with them after 10+ years.  

[LucyStoner]

37 minutes ago, Catwoman said:

 

The funny thing is, though, that if the situation was reversed and Scarlett’s son had hit the older man’s car with a lawn mower, I think many of the posts on this thread would be different, and people would be saying that it was a “teachable moment” for Scarlett’s son to have to pay to repair the man’s car... because obviously he’s a careless 18yo who should have known better than to try to mow the lawn under someone’s car, so it would serve him right to have to pay the $390. ?

 

This is an assumption and I would assert an incorrect one.   

If someone wanted my college-aged child to pay for that minute level of damage, I would consider it a $390 fee in finding out just who that person was.  To me, and I suspect most people, these scratches are minor no matter whose car they are on. 

[Scarlett]

9 minutes ago, LucyStoner said:

 

This is an assumption and I would assert an incorrect one.   

If someone wanted my college-aged child to pay for that minute level of damage, I would consider it a $390 fee in finding out just who that person was.  To me, and I suspect most people, these scratches are minor no matter whose car they are on. 

You are free to not repair your car if you want.  It is not reasonable to think someone else is somehow 'wrong' or shallow or vain for wanting it repaired.

[Jean in Newcastle]

36 minutes ago, Scarlett said:

You guys are always so super hard on everything about me and my life.  SMH

Scarlett, let me give you a script.  "Thank you so much for your input.  I have a lot to think about."  Then do what you were going to do anyway (as most of us do).  These threads keep going and going and get more contentious because you argue every point. 

I personally would do the DIY option but to me it's like getting a Savile Row tailor (ie. an expensive bespoke tailor) just to put in a hem in something that would take only pennies and not too much work to do myself.  But that's just my opinion which I figure is as welcome as anyone else's on a thread that was not marked JAWM.  You have a different opinion.  You don't have to justify it and make all the rest of us see the error of our ways for having opinions that don't match yours. 

[LucyStoner]

19 minutes ago, Scarlett said:

You are free to not repair your car if you want.  It is not reasonable to think someone else is somehow 'wrong' or shallow or vain for wanting it repaired.

You are projecting here.  I didn't say that anyone was shallow or vain.  I do think you are incorrect (wrong) in your assertion that this is significant damage but I grasp that it's relative and people have very different standards.  You, your ex-husband and your son seem to all place a very high value in this repair being done to the absolute highest standards.  A high value that I am not alone in thinking is disproportionate to the actual level of damage but nowhere did I say what you inferred.  

[Hannah]

I would probably fix this myself, rather than have it professionally done, as I'd expect to get another scratch somewhere down the line...I've had my car for 9 years and it has collected all kinds of dings and scrapes.  I got bad hail damage that the insurance covered about 2 years ago that left it like new again.

Having said that, I respect that you son wants this repaired.  I would, however, suggest that you get at least 3 quotes from different shops to make sure that your friend is not overpaying for the repair and also to show him that the estimate is legitimate.

[Laurie]

52 minutes ago, LucyStoner said:

   This is exactly the sort of thing I teach my kids is just not a big deal because we do not live in bubbles and things get scratched and dinged. 

I hope you're teaching your kids that it's not a big deal if they damage your OWN property.  But it's a problem if you're teaching them that it's no big deal if they damage other people's property, too.   

Our former neighbors were upset when my husband yelled at their  kids to get off the hood of his car.    I guess they didn't think it was a big deal either.  But when it's not your property you don't get to decide for the owner.  

   

[Osprey]

You state that your son has paid out of pocket for a previous door ding on his car, and that he was going to get these scratches repaired, regardless of the lawnmower man’s involvement in paying. I would be really hesitant to reinforce this behavior- I would be concerned that he could eventually end up in credit card debt from maintaining such a fastidious lifestyle. Your son could be learning some important financial, educational, and independence lessons here if he fixed it himself, or if he went to multiple shops to get multiple quotes, or if he decided to let it go, or if he found a friend who could do the work after-hours. Instead, he is just learning that everything must be perfect and perfect can only be had with a high price tag.