Sharon77 Posted July 7, 2018 Share Posted July 7, 2018 When I was younger, my kids and I did lots of play dates. Whether with one mom and kids or in a group. I used to be very social! I used to love getting together with a mom and getting to know her Now as I’ve gotten older, things have changed. I’m sure some of it has been my patience being decimated from raising teens but I just get so bored when I’m with one person. I’ve been preferring group events because then there are other people to talk to so I’m not stuck with just one person. It has made me start to avoid my friends because I just don’t want to hang out with anyone anymore. Is this normal or should I work to change it? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HomeAgain Posted July 7, 2018 Share Posted July 7, 2018 Well, I can say it isn't normal for *me*, but your normal is different. ? I like 1:1 or in a small group, anything bigger and I'm not a fan. 2 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pawz4me Posted July 7, 2018 Share Posted July 7, 2018 I'm not a huge socializer in any circumstances, but if I have to do it I definitely prefer one on one or small groups. The larger the group the quieter I get. I don't think there's anything wrong with preferring groups, but I think maybe I'd do some thinking on why I was finding individuals--especially people I label as friends--boring. I mean everybody can't be boring, can they? So I'd probably want to puzzle out what about *me* was causing that feeling. But really I'm referring totally to myself and what I would do, not implying there's anything wrong with you for feeling that way. Like I said, I'm not the most social person by a long shot, so take my thoughts for what they're worth. 2 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soror Posted July 7, 2018 Share Posted July 7, 2018 I prefer 1 to 1 too, time is limited I want to spend what I have with people I really want to be with and I do better with fewer people. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EMS83 Posted July 7, 2018 Share Posted July 7, 2018 It might be over-stimulation and a general tapped out feeling--raising people is definitely a contact sport. And then if there's anything atypical going on in life beyond that... I don't think we allow ourselves or others enough space for the toll that takes. Either way, I've been feeling like that for the past few years; not just because of the kids. I still prefer one on one, but I'm not as engaged as before. And I've never been great in groups; I'll just listen. That's a personality thing, for sure. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sharon77 Posted July 7, 2018 Author Share Posted July 7, 2018 Thank you for your replies...this is making me think and realize that I think it’s because I’ve entered a new chapter in my life and my friends have not. I’m not a stay at home homeschooling mom anymore I think I need new friends. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Big Buckin' Longhorn Posted July 7, 2018 Share Posted July 7, 2018 I personally prefer small groups, perhaps 4 or 5 people. But not because I get bored. I’m a weird case of an introverted extrovert. When I am one on one, it feels too intense, like I am “on display” and in “performance” mode. Exhausting. When the group is too large, it feels overwhelming and I get quiet and withdrawn. With a small group, I am comfortable interacting and sharing without the pressure to keep the conversation going for the entire visit. There are several people available to take the lead at any moment. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted July 7, 2018 Share Posted July 7, 2018 I prefer small groups as well. I have a couple groups of friends, one more my age where I can discuss things like having college-aged kids and getting older. The other is several friends from college - only two of which have children - all of them much younger than me. We get together individually or as a group a couple of times a month. They're the kind of group you chill with and just be yourself - we all know each other really well. the other aged group only one person do I know well enough to bare my soul, so to speak. I'm nervous about expanding that circle when I start grad school next month. I know one person from cohort pretty well, but it's uncomfortable for me to make new friends, especially when I'm probably the oldest one in the group. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lavender's green Posted July 7, 2018 Share Posted July 7, 2018 I've always been a one to one or small group person. I don't mind larger groups because it's good for me to get out (both socially and comfort-zone wise), but I get quieter and quieter, and come home exhausted. I usually feel unmoored when I go out without my kids. I'm used to keeping track of them, their behavior, and signs that they're overloaded. It can be hard to know how to re-focus all the attention that normally goes toward my kids. Maybe you're feeling a little like that, OP? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J-rap Posted July 7, 2018 Share Posted July 7, 2018 I like a variety. I love my one-on-one time with close friends. I often enjoy one-on-one time with people I don't know, as long as it's not for too long! I also enjoy small groups where I can either talk with everyone at once or move around a bit and talk with several people. Big groups can be fun, or not. If it's full of a lot of cliques and people who are there only to see each other, it can feel awkward. If there are a variety of friendly people around who are interested in talking with strangers or people outside of their group, then it can be fun. But if it's been a long day or I'm tired or not in a socializing mood for whatever reason, one-on-one time with a good friend is still fun. ETA: I meant to add that I don't think this has really changed much with age. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marbel Posted July 7, 2018 Share Posted July 7, 2018 My socializing habits/preferences haven't changed as a result of getting older, I don't think, though they have changed. They changed when we moved away from an area where we had a lot of close friends, to an area where we have struggled to make good friends. (We have lots of friendly acquaintances.) I am a shy introvert. Generally I dislike one-on-one unless it's someone I know very well. I don't like having to hold up the conversation, try to think of things to talk about. In my old home, I had several friends that I would meet up with one-on-one though. We had a lot in common - like, get together to do needlework, or go fabric shopping for sewing projects, stuff like that. Homeschooling mom friends - always plenty to talk about there. What I like best where I live now is a smallish group with a few talkative people. I like to spend more of my time listening than talking. I also like having people in my own home so I can go to the kitchen as needed if I need to get away. This has always been true though, as I look back on my life. Even in my 20s when a gang would get together after work for beers and nachos or whatever, I liked it at my house. I had not realized that till recently. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ann.without.an.e Posted July 7, 2018 Share Posted July 7, 2018 I have changed but opposite of you. We used to do lots of large group things and I was more extraverted, but as I've gotten a little older I prefer smaller, intimate groups. I prefer a small group of people I love, know, and trust over a large one any day. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SereneHome Posted July 7, 2018 Share Posted July 7, 2018 The older I get, the less I like people, the more I prefer smaller settings. There is a sentiment that has been posted on a few threads lately that we, humans, need other humans around and need connections. I would mostly agree with that if those connections are sincere. I don't know if it's me (possibly) but I have gotten very very tired of flakiness and selfishness and rudeness of people I've been meeting lately. I have always been an extroverted introvert - I am totally fine among people, in any group setting, etc, but I never crave it and also 100% OK being alone for extended periods of time. Would be nice to have a few good friends, but I haven't made any ever since we moved 10 yrs ago 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wheres Toto Posted July 7, 2018 Share Posted July 7, 2018 2 hours ago, Big Buckin' Longhorn said: I personally prefer small groups, perhaps 4 or 5 people. But not because I get bored. I’m a weird case of an introverted extrovert. When I am one on one, it feels too intense, like I am “on display” and in “performance” mode. Exhausting. When the group is too large, it feels overwhelming and I get quiet and withdrawn. With a small group, I am comfortable interacting and sharing without the pressure to keep the conversation going for the entire visit. There are several people available to take the lead at any moment. This, except I'm definitely an introvert all the way. I haven't ever been a fan of socializing. When I was younger (like really young, in college at 18 young) I liked to go out dancing and hang out with people. But probably since my mid-20's I just prefer to be home with family. My ex always wanted to go out somewhere, to festivals, flea markets, carnivals, always out somewhere every single weekend. At the time I thought I was just low-energy (lazy) but I understand about introverts now so I cut myself some slack when I have to be around people, that I then need quiet time. Lucky for me, my whole family is more like me, if not even more introverted. Although it has it's downside since we don't want to wind up those unsocialized homeschoolers ? so I make sure we get out around other people fairly regularly. I'm an introvert who would rather stay home, trying to push other introverts who would rather stay home into doing stuff. It makes it way too easy to bail out on things for any little excuse. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Annie G Posted July 7, 2018 Share Posted July 7, 2018 It has definitely changed as we have entered new seasons. Before kids we mostly hung w work friends, then when we had young kids our friends were the parents of our kids’ friends. (sometimes they were our friends and later our kids became friends, and sometimes the other way round) But the weird thing then was we usually either liked the husband or the wife but rarely both. When our kids became teens we branched out, and now that the kids are all adults we mostly gravitate to couples we like. Dh and I have individual friends but we almost exclusively socialize w other couples. I do very few girls’ night out things compared to when our kids were younger and I needed that escape. ‘Still don’t like a lot of people. The most we usually do is three couples. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hannah Posted July 7, 2018 Share Posted July 7, 2018 The only large group I enjoy is my book club where I see 11 other women once a month. The group has been going for years and I've known everyone for five years or longer- its usually a fun, light-hearted and witty evening, more about drinking wine and socializing than the books! Over weekends we are very busy with my daughters' horse shows, so don't get much time to socialize with friends. When we do, I prefer a Saturday lunch with one other family at a time. We socialize at each other's homes or meet up at a restaurant. I have a handful of female friends I like to meet with, but always 1:1 for coffee or occasional lunch during the work week. I too have a low tolerance for small talk. The only time I really have to engage is at shows and then there is always the excuse that a child needs help to cut things short. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HollyDay Posted July 7, 2018 Share Posted July 7, 2018 I'm finding people don't want to socialize if they haven't known you for 10+ years. When dc were younger, it was easier due to play groups and Mommy and Me type activities. Dh's job moved him every few years and some places were worse than others. I clearly remember a year after we moved to a particular area, that I posted on a group board that we were going to the park for play and brown bag lunch...anyone want to meet us? Well, within an hour, I got a call from on of the leaders saying that since I wasn't "from around there" I couldn't post such things for 3 years. Really??!! Sorry, but we would be moving within that time frame. Before dc were born, we had a lot of game nights and football watching nights. Everyone we knew were not well off....just married and all....so we did bring a snack/bag or chips and bottle of soda or tea and come play cards or dominos, or board game. No one seems to do those kinds of things anymore. Everyone seems so busy. You might just be dealing with "not from around here" as well as a cultural change.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Osmosis Mom Posted July 7, 2018 Share Posted July 7, 2018 8 hours ago, Sharon77 said: Thank you for your replies...this is making me think and realize that I think it’s because I’ve entered a new chapter in my life and my friends have not. I’m not a stay at home homeschooling mom anymore I think I need new friends. I totally get what you are saying. I feel the same way and while I like my friends or circles then being alone with one person is not only boring, but puts a lot of pressure on keeping a possibly boring conversation going with a person you have only so much in common with despite sharing some history together. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Junie Posted July 7, 2018 Share Posted July 7, 2018 8 hours ago, Big Buckin' Longhorn said: I personally prefer small groups, perhaps 4 or 5 people. But not because I get bored. I’m a weird case of an introverted extrovert. When I am one on one, it feels too intense, like I am “on display” and in “performance” mode. Exhausting. When the group is too large, it feels overwhelming and I get quiet and withdrawn. With a small group, I am comfortable interacting and sharing without the pressure to keep the conversation going for the entire visit. There are several people available to take the lead at any moment. I'm an introverted extrovert, too. ? I am actually becoming more and more introverted as the years go on. Dh is very much and introvert, so we don't often have people over to our home. I actually prefer large groups where I can bounce from group to group or person to person every ten minutes. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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