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Okay ladies talk me down.


lynn
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First grand baby is due same week as my ds graduates from navy boot camp at Great Lakes.  ?  help me work this out for my sons.  What would you do.  I want to go to graduation for i don't know when I'll get to see my sailor again.  My son, the new dad to be, will understand but I don't want any resentment from his fiance.  I'm not choosing favorites.  What's would you do?  I don't know that some will understand why we aren't at the hospital to see new grandbaby right away.   We love within an hour of ds and grandbaby.

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I would for sure plan on attending the graduation.   Babies never come when they are supposed to!  Imagine planning on not attending graduation and then baby either comes early or wants to cook a few extra days. 

 Graduation has a set time- the odds of them actually happening on the same day are probably pretty slim.  How far away from you is graduation?  I would plan on attending but make it clear that it will be a brief visit due to the impending arrival of the first grand. 

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Could you do a video chat with them to congratulate them and see the new baby?  Then, when you return, you could go over to their home with a meal and help out in whatever way is needed, provided the mom is willing to let you help.  FWIW, when I gave birth I didn't really want hospital visitors at all; let me have a few days to recover first, people!  She might feel the same and be relieved that you won't be coming.  

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I'd go to graduation. The new mom might think she wants you at the hospital, but she'll forget any grudge when you show up a couple of weeks later to clean her house, put up a couple of freezer meals and watch the baby while she takes a nap. That will win you MIL of the Year!

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Graduation, hands down. 

Does she have a mom who will want to come? If so, I'd give her the first crack at helping, and then come later, as someone above said, to clean house and cook a meal or two. 

But do definitely plan on skyping or whatever. Tell them you are so excited to see the baby. 

And congratulations!!

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I'm agreeing with everyone. 

as much as I love my in-laws, I really just wanted my mom and actually had them wait a month to come and visit ( they were farther than one hour, though ). 

If she minds, you can smooth it over in time. It's okay. People can be annoyed. Just fuss over her and the baby when you do come.  Once she holds her baby, anyway, she'll understand why you'll need to be there for your baby. 

But still, I doubt the baby will even come on time. 

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8 minutes ago, freesia said:

I'm agreeing with everyone. 

as much as I love my in-laws, I really just wanted my mom and actually had them wait a month to come and visit ( they were farther than one hour, though ). 

If she minds, you can smooth it over in time. It's okay. People can be annoyed. Just fuss over her and the baby when you do come.  Once she holds her baby, anyway, she'll understand why you'll need to be there for your baby. 

But still, I doubt the baby will even come on time. 

Yup. When my boobs were leaking and I was wearing depends and my girly bits were torn to pieces and I was sore and cranky I wanted my mommy, not my MIL. I REALLY did NOT want my MIL, actually, even though she was perfectly nice and was a huge help. I just was too vulnerable to "entertain" and she wasn't family the way my mom was. A few weeks later it was different. 

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Graduation, hands down. 

Does the new mom really want you there right away? I know I like a lot of privacy in the first hours, preferably extending into days or weeks. There's just too much private, painful stuff going on, and I don't want to accidentally go into entertainment mode when I should be bonding or sleeping. I'm not trying to talk you out of your plans or anything. :) I think things will work out just fine.

 

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Plan to attend the graduation, for sure. Baby may or may not arrive during the same week, regardless of what his due date is. Fiance may or may not want in-laws there day of, and may prefer time at home to rest before having in-laws over to see the new baby. If fiance is going to be so petty as to be annoyed you went to your son's graduation, rather than miss it because *maybe* baby would arrive on time......then you are likely never going to make her happy, anyway, and you might as well worry about your son. You say he'll understand, and he should, so go see his brother graduate. It will be okay. He can advocate for you with his fiance, if need be.

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I'm going to say the opposite.  No one came to my basic training graduation and I didn't care.  Most of the other people didn't have visitors, either.  We were very busy and everyone who had visitors was only allowed a ridiculously short amount of time with them (like an hour or something ridiculous).  

This is coming from the perspective from someone who was in the military - not a parent of someone in the military.      

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I would for sure do the graduation.  Also, due dates aren't guarantees anyway.  

 

If you are in any way concerned about your son's finances, speak with her directly, tell her how excited you are, explain the situation, and let her know you'll be BRINGING HER A MEAL!!! when you come to visit after she is released from the hospital.  Food heals all wounds.  

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Hive (almost) unanimous. Graduation only happens once. As Margaret pointed out, you LOVE within an hour of the grandbaby. You can love on the baby forever. 

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