Difficult to hold my tongue

[Scarlett]

When a gallon of milk is finished by a single person in 24 hours.  

[SquirrellyMama]

Is it due to price of milk or some other reason? You could tell them if they are going to drink a gallon a day they'll need to buy their own. Maybe in a light-hearted way, it might be enough to make them stop and think.

Kelly

[Scarlett]

6 minutes ago, SquirrellyMama said:

Is it due to price of milk or some other reason? You could tell them if they are going to drink a gallon a day they'll need to buy their own. 

Kelly

Cost is the least worry about it.  It seems crazy to me anyone could drink a gallon of milk in 24 hours. And when this person is 100 pounds overweight it seems crazier.  I noticed milk was disappearing rapidly.....and when it was wanted for coffee or a recipe it was always gone. 

[Catwoman]

Are there any other beverages he likes to drink, in addition to the milk? Also, has he been tested for diabetes? If he’s drinking a gallon of milk a day (and probably other drinks as well,) I would wonder why he’s so thirsty.

[Scarlett]

1 minute ago, Catwoman said:

Are there any other beverages he likes to drink, in addition to the milk? Also, has he been tested for diabetes? If he’s drinking a gallon of milk a day (and probably other drinks as well,) I would wonder why he’s so thirsty.

Yes, he has been tested for diabetes .  Full medical work up.  

[SquirrellyMama]

5 minutes ago, Scarlett said:

Cost is the least worry about it.  It seems crazy to me anyone could drink a gallon of milk in 24 hours. And when this person is 100 pounds overweight it seems crazier.  I noticed milk was disappearing rapidly.....and when it was wanted for coffee or a recipe it was always gone. 

I don't like milk, but I have a kid that could finish one off in 24 hours. It doesn't seem crazy at all to me, just gag inducing ?

Kelly

[happi duck]

I don't understand not saying something straightforward.

If "holding your tongue" means not being snarky then by all means keep holding your tongue!

[Catwoman]

Just now, Scarlett said:

Yes, he has been tested for diabetes .  Full medical work up.  

 

I thought you’d mentioned that a while back, but was worried that things may have changed. 

Maybe he’s just hungry all the time and feels that the milk is a better choice than going out and buying junk food. Is he still trying to lose weight?

[Scarlett]

Just now, SquirrellyMama said:

I don't like milk, but I have a kid that could finish one off in 24 hours. It doesn't seem crazy at all to me, just gag inducing ?

Kelly

Is he 100 pounds overweight?

[Catwoman]

1 minute ago, Scarlett said:

Is he 100 pounds overweight?

 

I don’t think Kelly’s son’s weight matters because I think her point was that a lot of teenage boys are able to consume amazing quantities of food and drinks.

[Scarlett]

Just now, happi duck said:

I don't understand not saying something straightforward.

If "holding your tongue" means not being snarky then by all means keep holding your tongue!

I dont want to be snarky.  But I want to say, 'you do not need a gallon of milk per day especially if you are trying to lose weight.'. Apparently though, all the advice is to not make people feel bad when they do things like that.  

My son who tries to maintain his weight tries to drink a gallon of milk in a week.  

[Murphy101]

4 minutes ago, Catwoman said:

Are there any other beverages he likes to drink, in addition to the milk? Also, has he been tested for diabetes? If he’s drinking a gallon of milk a day (and probably other drinks as well,) I would wonder why he’s so thirsty.

 

I can easily drink a gallon of coffee or water.  Because I'm thirsty. And often because I have a habit of forgetting to eat.  Many hungry people drink their calories because hunger also makes people thirsty.

[Scarlett]

1 minute ago, Catwoman said:

 

I don’t think Kelly’s son’s weight matters because I think her point was that a lot of teenage boys are able to consume amazing quantities of food and drinks.

Of course.  And yet, oddly enough the normal weight kid in the house doesn't drink a gallon of milk per day. 

[Scarlett]

Just now, Murphy101 said:

 

I can easily drink a gallon of coffee or water.  Because I'm thirsty. And often because I have a habit of forgetting to eat.  Many hungry people drink their calories because hunger also makes people thirsty.

Trust me, he doesn't forget to eat. 

[Catwoman]

1 minute ago, Scarlett said:

I dont want to be snarky.  But I want to say, 'you do not need a gallon of milk per day especially if you are trying to lose weight.'. Apparently though, all the advice is to not make people feel bad when they do things like that.  

My son who tries to maintain his weight tries to drink a gallon of milk in a week.  

 

I think you may be reaching a point where you need to let it go. I understand why you’re concerned about his weight — it’s a health issue — but at this point, he's basically an adult and shaming him for drinking the milk probably isn’t going to help. 

I know you mean well and want to help him, but you’re coming across as frustrated, angry, and resentful toward him in this thread, and that’s why I’m suggesting that maybe it’s time to take a step back.

[Scarlett]

2 minutes ago, Catwoman said:

 

I think you may be reaching a point where you need to let it go. I understand why you’re concerned about his weight — it’s a health issue — but at this point, he's basically an adult and shaming him for drinking the milk probably isn’t going to help. 

I know you mean well and want to help him, but you’re coming across as frustrated, angry, and resentful toward him in this thread, and that’s why I’m suggesting that maybe it’s time to take a step back.

Right.  Which is why I said it is difficult to hold my tongue.  Because obviously it is what I need to do.....

[maize]

Sounds fairly normal if the person is a teen boy.

 

Overweight people often have hormones making them feel hungry all the time, so not surprising on that front either.

[Scarlett]

Just now, maize said:

Sounds fairly normal if the person is a teen boy.

 

Overweight people often have hormones making them feel hungry all the time, so not surprising on that front either.

Really? It is normal? 

[gaillardia]

Buy low fat milk. That might lessen the consumption. Or suggest the cow you saw for sale in the classifieds. 

Look at the label. Determine amount needed for daily consumption for each person in the household. Buy only the amount of milk needed for every 3 or 4 days. 

There are 6 people living in my home. We buy a gallon of milk maybe once a week. Two of us don't drink milk at all, EVER. 

[Catwoman]

3 minutes ago, Scarlett said:

Of course.  And yet, oddly enough the normal weight kid in the house doesn't drink a gallon of milk per day. 

 

2 minutes ago, Scarlett said:

Trust me, he doesn't forget to eat. 

 

Please go back and read your posts. Your stepson is not your son. They are two different people. Your son doesn’t have a weight problem, but that doesn’t make it fair to keep comparing your stepson to him in such a negative way. The boys aren’t biologically related to each other in any way. Your son is naturally slim. Your stepson isn’t. They have different appetites and different attitudes toward food. 

I doubt your stepson will ever be slim like your son, and I do understand that you worry about his health, but he’s reaching an age where he needs to make these decisions for himself. If he is still asking for your help, that’s different, but if he’s not, please stop comparing him with your own son and just try to accept him for the kind and sweet young man he is. His weight doesn’t define him as a person. 

[Scarlett]

1 minute ago, gaillardia said:

Buy low fat milk. That might lessen the consumption. Or suggest the cow you saw for sale in the classifieds. 

Look at the label. Determine amount needed for daily consumption for each person in the household. Buy only the amount of milk needed for every 3 or 4 days. 

There are 6 people living in my home. We buy a gallon of milk maybe once a week. Two of us don't drink milk at all, EVER. 

It was low fat.  And he bought it himself because I had not been to the store.  

[Catwoman]

3 minutes ago, Scarlett said:

Right.  Which is why I said it is difficult to hold my tongue.  Because obviously it is what I need to do.....

 

Im sorry I have been so hard on you in this thread. I know you love your stepson and that all you want to do is help him get healthy. I’m just worried that you may be in a situation where you’ve been trying to help him for years with minimal results, and you might be reaching the point where you might say something in frustration that you will really regret later. I know you would feel terrible about that if it ever happened.

[Scarlett]

2 minutes ago, Catwoman said:

 

 

Please go back and read your posts. Your stepson is not your son. They are two different people. Your son doesn’t have a weight problem, but that doesn’t make it fair to keep comparing your stepson to him in such a negative way. The boys aren’t biologically related to each other in any way. Your son is naturally slim. Your stepson isn’t. They have different appetites and different attitudes toward food. 

I doubt your stepson will ever be slim like your son, and I do understand that you worry about his health, but he’s reaching an age where he needs to make these decisions for himself. If he is still asking for your help, that’s different, but if he’s not, please stop comparing him with your own son and just try to accept him for the kind and sweet young man he is. His weight doesn’t define him as a person. 

 

This is the part I don't get.  Does no one see the correlation between drinking a gallon of milk in a day and being 100 pounds overweight ?

[Murphy101]

6 minutes ago, Scarlett said:

I dont want to be snarky.  But I want to say, 'you do not need a gallon of milk per day especially if you are trying to lose weight.'. Apparently though, all the advice is to not make people feel bad when they do things like that.  

My son who tries to maintain his weight tries to drink a gallon of milk in a week.  

 

Ugh.  What the other son does or does not do has nothing to do with this son. Comparison is poison to relationships.

If this young man has not asked for your help in this matter, then either stock more milk or simply ask that whoever leaves less than a big glass worth needs to get the replacement, please.  You had previously said he was seeking medical advice. He is either going to take it or not.  And all you need to do is be there without judgement regardless, hard as that can be.

[Scarlett]

1 minute ago, Catwoman said:

 

Im sorry I have been so hard on you in this thread. I know you love your stepson and that all you want to do is help him get healthy. I’m just worried that you may be in a situation where you’ve been trying to help him for years with minimal results, and you might be reaching the point where you might say something in frustration that you will really regret later. I know you would feel terrible about that if it ever happened.

 

Yes, which is why I am venting here where I know full welll plenty of people will smack me down for judging my poor overweight step son.

i mentioned this to Dh and he said he will talk to him about it tomorrow.   

[Frances]

13 minutes ago, Scarlett said:

I dont want to be snarky.  But I want to say, 'you do not need a gallon of milk per day especially if you are trying to lose weight.'. Apparently though, all the advice is to not make people feel bad when they do things like that.  

My son who tries to maintain his weight tries to drink a gallon of milk in a week.  

Have you ever bought Fairlife milk? It’s much higher in protein and lower in carbs, especially sugar, so it would be better for him with his weight loss goals. I also think it tastes much richer and is more filling than regular milk. 

[Frances]

16 minutes ago, Scarlett said:

Of course.  And yet, oddly enough the normal weight kid in the house doesn't drink a gallon of milk per day. 

Has he been to counseling? Some people have food and weight issues due to underlying issues. With his parents’ divorce and living in a blended family, he might need help getting to a healthy place.

[Scarlett]

1 minute ago, Murphy101 said:

 

Ugh.  What the other son does or does not do has nothing to do with this son. Comparison is poison to relationships.

If this young man has not asked for your help in this matter, then either stock more milk or simply ask that whoever leaves less than a big glass worth needs to get the replacement, please.  You had previously said he was seeking medical advice. He is either going to take it or not.  And all you need to do is be there without judgement regardless, hard as that can be.

Stock more milk than a gallon per day? No, that won't happen.  So what that means is the kid who needs the milk.....no actually he doesn't NEED it...no adult NEEEDS milk......but the kid who tries to drink a big glass per day in order to maintain his weight..... That kid never gets milk because the one who is 100 pounds ove weight drinks it all in a day. 

[Bootsie]

5 minutes ago, Scarlett said:

It was low fat.  And he bought it himself because I had not been to the store.  

If I said anything to him then, I would congratulate him on buying low fat milk--that sounds like it is an attempt on his part to curb calorie intake.  It is also maybe a step he is taking to drink milk rather than soda or some other drink.  I would focus on the positive, rather than the negative.

I also would not expect if a teenage boy went to the store and bought milk to drink that I would have some of that milk available to me when I was ready to use milk in a recipe or put some in my coffee.  

[Scarlett]

Just now, Frances said:

Has he been to counseling? Some people have food and weight issues due to underlying issues. With his parents’ divorce and living in a blended family, he might need help getting to a healthy place.

He hasn't been and I doubt that will happen.  

[Murphy101]

7 minutes ago, Scarlett said:

Really? It is normal? 

 

YES.  Absolutely.  Regardless of weight or physical activity, it's very very normal for that age bracket.

[Scarlett]

Just now, jdahlquist said:

If I said anything to him then, I would congratulate him on buying low fat milk--that sounds like it is an attempt on his part to curb calorie intake.  It is also maybe a step he is taking to drink milk rather than soda or some other drink.  I would focus on the positive, rather than the negative.

I also would not expect if a teenage boy went to the store and bought milk to drink that I would have some of that milk available to me when I was ready to use milk in a recipe or put some in my coffee.  

 He had drank all of the milk I had bought already.  But no actually he drank it so fast I didnt even know it was there until I saw the empty carton and Ds told me dss had bought it yesterday evening.  

[Scarlett]

1 minute ago, Murphy101 said:

 

YES.  Absolutely.  Regardless of weight or physical activity, it's very very normal for that age bracket.

Well it is not normal for my thin, normal weight very active 18 year old.  

[Catwoman]

4 minutes ago, Scarlett said:

 

This is the part I don't get.  Does no one see the correlation between drinking a gallon of milk in a day and being 100 pounds overweight ?

 

I don’t think we are viewing the milk as the issue. I don’t think anyone thinks it’s ideal to drink a gallon of milk a day, but the milk isn’t really the problem here. The problem is that, despite everything you have tried to do to help him, your stepson is still 100 pounds overweight, so shaming him for drinking too much milk clearly isn’t going to be helpful. It’s just going to make the poor guy feel worse about himself. And really, if he’s going to drink a gallon of something, the milk is a better choice than many of the other options.

All things considered, the milk issue is probably very minimal in the overall scheme of things, and I would probably just let it go.

[Murphy101]

20 minutes ago, Scarlett said:

Trust me, he doesn't forget to eat. 

 

That was... unkind.  

10 minutes ago, Scarlett said:

 

This is the part I don't get.  Does no one see the correlation between drinking a gallon of milk in a day and being 100 pounds overweight ?

 

No.  Because there isn't one.  I guarantee you that the reasons for his weight are not because he drinks too much milk.  Full stop.

[Catwoman]

5 minutes ago, Scarlett said:

Stock more milk than a gallon per day? No, that won't happen.  So what that means is the kid who needs the milk.....no actually he doesn't NEED it...no adult NEEEDS milk......but the kid who tries to drink a big glass per day in order to maintain his weight..... That kid never gets milk because the one who is 100 pounds ove weight drinks it all in a day. 

 

Buy more milk. Seriously. If both boys drink a lot of milk, just buy more.  

You seem so resentful that your stepson is drinking the milk you want your son to have, but in the end, it’s only milk. Buy enough for both boys and don’t worry about how much either of them drinks.

[Scarlett]

1 minute ago, Arctic Mama said:

The equation shouldn’t change whether someone is fat or not.  That sort of thing causes a lot more harm than good, to say that if you’re thin it’s somehow okay to do _____ but not if you’re fat.

 

I’d probably just tell him and your other son that the limit is two glasses of milk per day, so you’re not running to the store all the time.  It’s a reasonable rule, and would apply equally to both.  But yeah,  teen boy polishing off a gallon in a day is completely within the realm of normal, even if you don’t particularly like it.

I am frankly shocked that anyone thinks it is normal regardless of weight.  That is a lot of calories.  

[gaillardia]

I do not think it is normal. Possible to even be suffering from a sort of addiction to milk, the hormones...?

[Murphy101]

7 minutes ago, Scarlett said:

Stock more milk than a gallon per day? No, that won't happen.  So what that means is the kid who needs the milk.....no actually he doesn't NEED it...no adult NEEEDS milk......but the kid who tries to drink a big glass per day in order to maintain his weight..... That kid never gets milk because the one who is 100 pounds ove weight drinks it all in a day. 

 

Oh come on.  That's rather harsh and unnecessary hyperbole.  Just buy two gallons and a half gallon.  Half for cooking needs, and a gallon a kid.  If kid uses more than one gallon, he needs to replace it himself.  No big whoop.  Or just stop buying it altogether.  That's an option because as you note, no one needs it anyways.

[Catwoman]

8 minutes ago, jdahlquist said:

If I said anything to him then, I would congratulate him on buying low fat milk--that sounds like it is an attempt on his part to curb calorie intake.  It is also maybe a step he is taking to drink milk rather than soda or some other drink.  I would focus on the positive, rather than the negative.

I also would not expect if a teenage boy went to the store and bought milk to drink that I would have some of that milk available to me when I was ready to use milk in a recipe or put some in my coffee.  

 

I was thinking the same thing. He didn’t buy a gallon of Nesquik or a huge milkshake. He bought a gallon of low-fat milk. It seems to me that he made a conscious decision to choose the low-fat option. I really hope Scarlett’s dh doesn’t talk to him about this and hurt his feelings because it seems like the guy was trying to do the right thing.

[regentrude]

4 minutes ago, Scarlett said:

I am frankly shocked that anyone thinks it is normal regardless of weight.  That is a lot of calories.  

At times, my active teen DS consumed 4,000 calories daily. He needed that many.

[Frances]

2 minutes ago, Scarlett said:

I am frankly shocked that anyone thinks it is normal regardless of weight.  That is a lot of calories.  

My very active young adult son who is normally trying to maintain or gain weight drinks a container of Fairlife milk each day, which I believe is about one cup short of a gallon. The only beverages he drinks are milk, herbal tea, and water, and he’s very into healthy living and healthy eating.

[Scarlett]

4 minutes ago, Murphy101 said:

 

That was... unkind.  

 

No.  Because there isn't one.  I guarantee you that the reasons for his weight are not because he drinks too much milk.  Full stop.

Unkind.  

 

Well it is a point of fact.  The thin one forgets to eat.  The overweight one does not. The thin one tries to drink a gallon of milk per week, the overweight one drinks a gallon per day.  The thin one walks 15000 steps per day, the overweight one won't put step counter on his phone.  

These things do add up and they are why one is normal weight and one is overweight.  

[Murphy101]

7 minutes ago, Scarlett said:

Well it is not normal for my thin, normal weight very active 18 year old.  

 

All of my kids are twigs.  As in struggle to be 125lb at 6'2".  You've seen pics on my FB.  Those kids? I kid you not, they will each eat an entire meat pizza and ask for ice cream afterward and an hour later need a snack.  If I allowed milk as a beverage, I have zero doubt they'd each go through a gallon.  (As a general principal, I've never bought drinks with calories bc I wanted their calories to come from food and for our limited budget to go to actual food.  So I rarely buy milk or juice for drinking uses.)

Respectfully...what is normal at this point in life for your bio son doesn't set the bar for the rest of the world or even other people inside your own house.

It just doesn't and no amount of your trying to make it so will ever change that.

[Scarlett]

1 minute ago, Murphy101 said:

 

All of my kids are twigs.  As in struggle to be 125lb at 6'2".  You've seen pics on my FB.  Those kids? I kid you not, they will each eat an entire meat pizza and ask for ice cream afterward and an hour later need a snack.  If I allowed milk as a beverage, I have zero doubt they'd each go through a gallon.  (As a general principal, I've never bought drinks with calories bc I wanted their calories to come from food and for our limited budget to go to actual food.  So I rarely buy milk or juice for drinking uses.)

Respectfully...what is normal at this point in life for your bio son doesn't set the bar for the rest of the world or even other people inside your own house.

It just doesn't and no amount of your trying to make it so will ever change that.

True.  But if one IS overweight then they shouldn't be drinking a gallon of milk per day.  Full stop. 

[Sneezyone]

I can’t believe this is happening, again. No, wait, yes I can.

[Scarlett]

Just now, Sneezyone said:

I can’t believe this is happening, again. No, wait, yes I can.

Thank you.  See I post at times like this so all of you can tell me how horrible I am, and how normal my step son is even though he is morbidly obese and on medication due to his weight even though he is only 17. 

[Mergath]

4 minutes ago, Scarlett said:

True.  But if one IS overweight then they shouldn't be drinking a gallon of milk per day.  Full stop. 

 

That depends entirely on the person. If someone, for example, is used to drinking a case of pop every day and is looking for a less unhealthy replacement, a gallon of milk would be fantastic. 

You are not the decider of what is healthy for everyone else. Worry about yourself and leave your poor stepson the hell alone. We get it. You hate him. It's crystal clear to everyone here, and God forbid he ever stumble across this forum.

[Frances]

5 minutes ago, Scarlett said:

Unkind.  

 

Well it is a point of fact.  The thin one forgets to eat.  The overweight one does not. The thin one tries to drink a gallon of milk per week, the overweight one drinks a gallon per day.  The thin one walks 15000 steps per day, the overweight one won't put step counter on his phone.  

These things do add up and they are why one is normal weight and one is overweight.  

But they are also completely different people with different psychological and physical make-ups. What might be easy for your son might be very, very difficult for your stepson. Counseling might really help to figure out any issues and get him to where he wants to be. My sister has struggled with weight her whole life, I’ve never struggled. We were similarly active as kids and ate the same diet. But she’s always struggled with mental health issues, and I haven’t.

[Catwoman]

4 minutes ago, Scarlett said:

Well it is a point of fact.  The thin one forgets to eat.  The overweight one does not. The thin one tries to drink a gallon of milk per week, the overweight one drinks a gallon per day.  The thin one walks 15000 steps per day, the overweight one won't put step counter on his phone.  

These things do add up and they are why one is normal weight and one is overweight.  

 

But they are two entirely different people. I really wish you would stop comparing them all the time. It’s so unfair to your stepson. 

Your son is naturally slim. He has never had a weight problem. Your son skips meals because he’s not hungry, not because he has super amazing willpower. He walks 15,000 steps a day because he enjoys being active, not because he’s intentionally struggling to get extra exercise.

Your stepson is not your son. He’s HUNGRY. He isn’t as naturally high-energy like your son. He isn’t naturally slim. You need to stop acting as though your stepson should be living your son’s lifestyle because what comes naturally to your son would require massive effort and dedication from your stepson because those things don’t come naturally to him.