What would you tell your younger homeschooling self?

[Kjirstyn]

I've heard a lot of replies on this topic from CM mamas, but I'm curious what folks from a more classical background might say-- or if they'd say just the same types of things.  ?  I know CM and classical are not necessarily divergent, but there seems to be a stronger focus on beauty and truth type values from CMers than I get from folks who define themselves as largely classical, and I'm curious if that variation in mentality would produce different answers. Or perhaps my perception of the differences is inaccurate in the first place.  *shrug*

So for you veteran homeschoolers (whose kids are, say, 12+)...what would you tell your younger self when you had preschoolers? What would you focus on? What would you change? What would you do more of? (This doesn't necessarily assume that official school is happening at these ages, but just what you would focus on in a preschool child's life, as a homeschool parent- academic or otherwise.)

Thanks!

[8filltheheart]

(My kids range in age from 8-28 and all have been homeschooled from the beginning.)

I would tell myself that I was right to trust my instincts and that focusing on playing, using their imaginations, and self-entertaining were the absolute best goals for pre-school and that not focusing at all on anything academic related would not hurt them. 

I would also affirm that creating our own courses based on following their interests would ultimately lead to high school grads with strong academic backgrounds who thrive in college and their careers of choice.

(FWIW, I don't classify myself as CM or classical.  I am eclectic and use the best resources that match my children's abilities and interests.)  

[Holly]

Preschool?  I would focus on habit training...which is what I'm doing with my youngest.  I neglected that with my 4th child and have regretted it since!  Basic things like cleanliness, order, obedience, listening, etc.  Reading good books is also important, and I definitely focus on quality over quantity.  I was always looking for more to do with my older kids (books, activities, games, etc.), but just rereading a few favorites over and over or playing a handful of games is so good for them!  They thrive on that repetition. 

We are doing a preschool program next year (Timberdoodle), so I don't have a problem with some academics at a young age.  I also don't think it's totally necessary.  I do feel like we need to spend some quality time together and a program helps this busy mom accomplish that. 

[freesia]

Probably to stop planning what we would do for his entire education--no booklist either. Everyone was so right that it would never look even close to the list I made. High schoolers have opinions and won't necessarily be into school the way I assumed (was led to believe) all home schooled high schoolers were. Lol

I don't regret the literature based work we did or anything educationally.  We were relaxed and there was plenty of playtime.  I probably would tell myself to relax, though. And that even very, very bright kids won't remember your elaborate frontier set up so only do it if you enjoy it and don't sweat it if the new baby makes those kind of things happen less than you want. Oh, and if dh is putting in a new hardwood floor for his mom right after grandpa died and you moved countries to live with her, put aside even literature based history, bc he is never ever going to remember what you read. And it will be okay bc he will learn about Queen Elizabeth again. 

Read, play, cook, rest, play with numbers and play dough and nature. And stop worrying!

[KrissiK]

To start my sons a year or two later. Well, maybe not my oldest, but second son, definitely. He’s having to take an “extra year of middle school” because he has gradually gotten farther and farther behind and is absolutely not ready for high school. It’s easy when they are young and as a mom who is excited and enthusiastic to homeschool to think, “oh, they’re ready....”

[freesia]

27 minutes ago, KrissiK said:

To start my sons a year or two later. Well, maybe not my oldest, but second son, definitely. He’s having to take an “extra year of middle school” because he has gradually gotten farther and farther behind and is absolutely not ready for high school. It’s easy when they are young and as a mom who is excited and enthusiastic to homeschool to think, “oh, they’re ready....”

This, too although it has worked out fine. However another year would have had him hit high school with more maturity. 

[Melissa B]

We never did anything for preschool or kindergarten. I would stick with that. First grade age was a fine time to start schooling. If I had elementary and middle school to do over again I would put even more focus on math and less on everything else. Of course all kids are different, so advice that specific won't work across the board or even as a generality. 

[2ndGenHomeschooler]

I wish I had spent more time working on good habits when they were younger. To spend more time outside and less time with screens. Once we started with schoolwork, to be more consistent. Not more rigorous, just more consistent. We took too many days off at first.

[homemommy83]

I agree with many of the prior posters about preschool as a time to learn character/habits as the foremost goal.  I would also tell myself the Rod and Staff preschool workbooks/Explode the Code primers/Visual Perceptional Skill Building (15 minutes daily), reading aloud daily, and encouraging play (especially outdoor) is enough.  This is what I am doing with my new littles as they come up the ranks.

 

For my older children I would tell myself that you will be too busy to do everything literature based unless the child is reading well and can do it independently- so save your money and work on skill based subjects and turn on audio CDs during "quiettime" for those not reading well.

I would also tell myself that textbooks are not your enemy-as I loved them throughout school, but with their being such a anti-school at home movement through the homeschool community I felt I would be doing my children a disservice by using them.  My children love the simple Rod and Staff textbooks-and I can add literature books for children who enjoy them as well using All Through the Ages.  Those pretty family box curriculums don't put the focus on skill subjects (without more mental energy than I have) but on content and for my 2nd and 3rd children my time should definitely be put on the former.  

Pick one program for a subject and stick with it for at least 2 years before allowing yourself to begin changing it up- pause as needed so that maturity can catch up, but don't switch so much in English. My middle children are doing Rod and Staff as their main program will PLL and ILL as late spring/summer work as each of these programs are fantastic, but I learned to simplify to only one book per study topic at a time and finish the first book first. I will pick up in the fall each year with Rod and Staff no matter where we landed in the other book though as it is my supplement.

 

I would tell myself to do an evening instead of a morning basket for the older kids so that my morning readalouds can be for my little ones and the rest of my morning can be for tutoring everyone else. I would readaloud a Bible story and ONE chapter book every single night rather than history-as I would have enjoyed it so much more.  Let them read their own studies for content, everyone studying different topics adds to the family dinner table. 

 

 I would hold back my struggling student in k rather than waiting and seeing if she would "catch up skill wise".  This child has made slow and steady progress(with way more of my time teaching her-hense the struggle for me to have time doing group subjects) and is a very hard worker.

I would go with Rod and Staff, Apologia, and Pentime from the get go.

Our family is also using MFW/HOD with great success in High School, and loved their K and Adventure programs with each group of children.  I also did ECC, but didn't do all the worksheets and enjoyed the books, but this was with my oldest and it went well, so if you don't have a ton of other obligations or children than literature based can work fine for you-I just have so many other obligations that without burn out I can not do more.  I am a very outgoing person and chatty- but am a true introvert and need quiet alone time daily to recharge-so I have made afternoons my time.  I clean and cook as it is therapeutic to me whereas talking more and more through readalouds in history or science makes me want to cry from mental exhaustion.  Oddly I can readaloud to my littles for hours in literature and enjoy it.  

 

 I felt guilty all the time that with me cleaning in the late evenings that I just didn't have time to teach everything and keep my house decent.  I cannot teach if my livingroom is messy- and this personality flaw will not change-lol.

I would have went to minimalism of our things so much earlier if I could.

 

Brenda

P.S. Thank you for this post as it made me write/think through how I was fighting my own personality to do things the way others enjoy doing things.  I am an INFJ. 

[HomeAgain]

Play is important.
Books are valuable.
Play is important.
Form good habits.
Forget the perceived pressure.
Play is important.

[....]

I would tell myself, "RUN AWAY!!!!  RUN AWAY!!!"  Just kidding... ?

Mostly what previous posters have said: lighten up.  Also, it's ok to spend money on curriculum and stuff for school, if it makes my life easier.    

[alisoncooks]

I would tell myself:  They're not going to like *anything* you choose, so just pick a reasonable curriculum and stick with it. (Aka, don't hop around so darn much!)

[KrissiK]

50 minutes ago, alisoncooks said:

I would tell myself:  They're not going to like *anything* you choose, so just pick a reasonable curriculum and stick with it. (Aka, don't hop around so darn much!)

Excellent advice. And to tag along with that.... don’t necessarily try to make school fun. Some people just knock themselves out trying to make school fun for their kids and some kids.... they just want to be done with school so they can do other things. When my kids were young I had visions of happy little learners snuggling on the couch with living books, having discussions and rabbit trails and all that good stuff. Just like the pictures on the front of the curriculum catalogs. I think if I would have realized that some kids just want to play legos, no matter how great the curriculum is and it’s ok, I would have saved myself a lot of frustration.

[nixpix5]

I would tell myself not to curriculum hop. Committing to a curriculum and not falling victim to the new and shiny. 

Do less, go outside more. Outside schooling, nature study, art...these refresh us all and spark our interests. The physical activity focuses our brains in ways that allow us to learn more in less time. It is a win win. 

Just focus on the main goals...things like grammar, latin, and so forth can wait. Reading, math, spelling, copywork...those are a key focus. 

Build in breaks each month. Don't skip field trips for more work. The hands on moments are what bond the family and cause deeper learning. 

Keep some learning activities and textbook cds in the car. So many random moments (waiting in ferry terminal lines for example!) allows time for moments of fitting in learning plus it is kind of fun ?

[EKS]

With preschoolers?  Focus on language (talking with them, reading aloud), imaginative play, and experiences (concrete, in the moment ones, not visits to historical sites).

[Jean in Newcastle]

Relax, relax, relax.

Don't go to the high school board unless you have a specific question.  (Not knocking the lovely people on the high school board but sometimes the focus on rigor can stress me out.)

Teach the child you have.  This is true all the way up.

Start out gently.  (I actually did this and I treasure those years and so do my kids.)

And both of my kids have needed (or will need) a fifth year of high school and it's ok.  (This ties into teach the child you have. )

[FairProspects]

Just to trust myself more and not care what anyone thinks.

I really didn't (and don't) need anyone else's opinion to do what is right for my kids. That applies whether everyone else is saying to play more and I felt my kid actually needed the extra time on phonics or the reverse. Especially when it comes to well-regarded, frequent posters. Just because their way worked for their kids doesn't mean much about whether it will work for mine or yours. I appreciate the voice of experience, but I still have to evaluate the information against what I know to be true and the kid in front of me.

I don't regret much at all about any of our decisions related to homeschooling. I maybe wish I could have pursued my own career and dreams more along side it, but in reality, you just can't have it all, and I think our family did the best we could during those years and did a darn good job.

[Stibalfamily]

I would tell myself that school is not the sum total of filling out workbooks. It should be what is left when the books get thrown away at the end of the year. Hands on will always win over workbooks as far as retention. I would tell myself to use real books and not textbooks, learning can be fun, it can have pictures and it does not need to look anything like my own schooling experience. 

 

 

[Kjirstyn]

Thank you very much, everyone! That was super helpful to get a broad range of answers (although there was a lot of overlap, which is also great). What is the deal with play, anyway? I hear that EVERYWHERE. I don't doubt it, but I just...it's hard to grasp why it's so important, somehow. Maybe it's something I'll only comprehend in retrospect.  ?

[Lecka]

Executive functioning is just one thing for play, but so important.  It is how kids can learn to make and carry out plans.  I think some people take it for granted, but it’s one of those things when kids have a harder time then it is nothing to take for granted.

I do have a regret, I wish I had spent more time with my daughter doing little counting things with her and playing some little card games or board games.  I did it with my older son but not her, and I felt like it was not that worth it with him, but then it turned out he had better number sense than her in early elementary.  

Its not a huge regret because I just did it a little later!  But I would do that differently, I would take the time to do more with her.  

Its one of those things where I didn’t let read-alouds slide because I wanted to make sure we did that together, but I didn’t do little math things the same way.  

[Lecka]

There’s also fine and gross motor skills with play, and then a lot of social skill stuff, with learning to cooperate and handle frustration.  And then I’m sure more than that!  

There’s also some length of time that kids concentrate while playing, that is supposed to be good for focus.  

I think partly if your kids are younger, it seems more random for a while.... when they get a little older and you can see them being more obviously creative or persistent or whatever while they are playing, then it seems more obvious.  

[madteaparty]

nm

[8filltheheart]

52 minutes ago, Kjirstyn said:

Thank you very much, everyone! That was super helpful to get a broad range of answers (although there was a lot of overlap, which is also great). What is the deal with play, anyway? I hear that EVERYWHERE. I don't doubt it, but I just...it's hard to grasp why it's so important, somehow. Maybe it's something I'll only comprehend in retrospect.  ?

Play cannot be overestimated in importance in child development.  Everything from self-regulation, self-entertainment, discovery, imagination, etc is fostered through play.  Imaginative play is known as a vital factor in cognitive development.  (take your pick Links to articles on imagination and cognitive development)  

FWIW, I am a firm believer that modern educational pedagogies are wrong on so many levels. 

[FairProspects]

1 hour ago, Kjirstyn said:

Thank you very much, everyone! That was super helpful to get a broad range of answers (although there was a lot of overlap, which is also great). What is the deal with play, anyway? I hear that EVERYWHERE. I don't doubt it, but I just...it's hard to grasp why it's so important, somehow. Maybe it's something I'll only comprehend in retrospect.  ?

 

Play is the work of children and it is obvious later when this step is skipped developmentally. I am currently a full time public school teacher in a Title 1 middle school with a challenging population. One of the classes I teach is Beginning Theatre. I have to work so hard with my students simply to get them to relax, be creative, and play. Their lives have forced them to grow up much too quickly in many cases and when they are not being derivative or imitative, many of my students literally do not know HOW to play. This affects them in so many ways in terms of emotional regulation and social interactions or communications with others. They struggle to solve simple disagreements and actually cannot imagine the ending to a story. Play is essential. It is the foundation to so many other skills that make us human.

[HomeAgain]

On 6/21/2018 at 4:39 PM, Kjirstyn said:

Thank you very much, everyone! That was super helpful to get a broad range of answers (although there was a lot of overlap, which is also great). What is the deal with play, anyway? I hear that EVERYWHERE. I don't doubt it, but I just...it's hard to grasp why it's so important, somehow. Maybe it's something I'll only comprehend in retrospect.  ?

The imaginative aspect has been covered, but with regards to the motor skills I wanted to touch on that more.  The child who is allowed freedom to move, and is expected to move, develops a lot of muscles that are later used for sitting still.  The child who is scrambling all over playground equipment and riding bikes and climbing trees is developing core strength, which makes sitting easier.  He is developing strong shoulders and arms, which will be used to direct the fine movement of pencil to paper.  The child who spends hours putting together legos or dressing dolls is developing the fingers to be able to write, paint, and cut easily.  The child who throws a ball or hits a shuttlecock develops his hand/eye coordination. This is all in addition to having life experiences to draw from and develop empathy and think things out in a safe setting while experimenting with different endings.

Put the physical with the emotional and mental, and play is super powerful.  This is the time for kids to connect words to actions so they have something to draw on when they learn to write or read or anything "educational" that comes in time. 

[BooksandBoys]

Mine are almost 5 through 10, so still young. I would tell myself this: 

Dear Younger BooksandBoys,

Oldest is an aspie. Period. Find a pediatrician who will take you seriously and get that diagnosis. 

Yep, middle guy is aspie too. 

And all these marital problems you’re having? Turns out your husband is almost definitely an aspie too, you just won’t figure it out for another 7 years. Then everything suddenly makes sense, even if it doesn’t make it easier. 

You can do this. You’ve been doing it. You’ll keep doing it. It will eventually get better. Hang in there another 6 years and your Bad Days will look like your “Good” Days look today. To be fair, your friends’ Bad Days will still be better than your Good Days...I’m not promising miracles here. ? 

Stop planning out 12 years of education. Well, unless that is how you help yourself feel better....then, proceed, but throw the plans out the next day  ?

Teach them to play (yep, really. Middle has no idea). Hang in there as you teach them to help and to follow routines. One day, oldest will finally understand how to sweep the floor and middle will stop lying on that floor screaming when you ask him to carry his cup. It’s worth the effort. (Keep telling yourself this....I forget every day). 

Read them good books. Lots of books. Because reading to them makes you happier. When you are convinced you can’t do another minute with them, read to them more, not less. Worry much, much less about middle guy’s academics. He’s not oldest. He’ll learn, eventually.

And youngest? Well, I’ll just have to write you again in a few years, because I have no idea what to do with that one! Just love him. He’s delightful and intense. Savor the delight and breathe through the hard. 

Love, 

BooksandBoys