I feel doomed that I'll never travel again..and I'm bummed about it.

[importswim]

2 hours ago, Momto5inIN said:

 

I worded my post badly. I wasn't actually meaning that I make myself feel better by thinking badly about other people or that the OP should. I was trying to say in a funny way that didn't turn out so funny that you never know what other things are going badly in those people's lives and even if they take exotic vacations and you don't, it doesn't mean their life is any better than yours. In fact, yours might be better.

That makes sense! To be honest, my biggest struggle my whole life has been jealousy/envy and I've worked really hard to tamp it down and try to assume the best of others - which is why I responded the way I did. It's more of a hot button issue for me. I actually didn't think what you said was offensive, but it IS a common thought that I've read a lot over many years of being on forums. I've had to talk myself down a lot in my thoughts of looking at what others have/do and being envious. Over time it's gotten easier. Also, there's the fact that my family and I travel a lot (due to DH's benefits) and I've heard a comment here or there about how "nice" it is with a sarcastic twist because we struggle financially as DH took a 60% pay cut to take this job. As though we shouldn't be going on these "trips" because we are in a "hard" financial place (still in a good enough place to where I can stay home and hs the kids!)  What they don't see is that we have flight benefits and then use points for hotels that we rack up because DH is gone 20 days a month. We mostly use our benefits to meet up with DH so we can spend more time with him.  I flew up to DC by myself for the day and spent a total of $20 and went to the national gallery but sacrificed a day at home with DH and the kids and needed the time away for my mental well being. So, there's sacrifices with everything. 

Sorry for the ramble, I didn't mean take offense to what you said!

[bethben]

When we needed to move for dh’s job, we specifically chose to move to a vacation hub so that finally we could take vacations.  We now traveled 2-3 hours from home and are in a location many people travel a day or more to get to.  My fun vacations are when I have gone without the kids for a long weekend to visit my sisters.  This past February, we all went to Disney without kids.  So.much.more.fun!

[rjand6more]

I understand.  I am just now able to take a roadtrip(easily).  Our youngest is 5.  The oldest is 22. It feels like soooo long to get to a good travel age for everyone! We took a roadtrip from IN to the east coast last month.  It was wonderful!  Not terribly expensive.  I brought most of our food and stopped at the grocery store a couple times.

We have been to Disney.  We go about every 3-4 years.  We fly.  Yes, it's expensive. But, We save every month for that vacation.  We toss in unexpected $$ After 3-4 years, it adds up!

If you are Christian...We have gone to Life Action Family Camp several times and my kids are begging to go again.  It is affordable and all the meals and family fun activities are planned.  You just show up!https://lifeactioncamp.com/family-camps-2/

 

[katilac]

OP, I'm really liking the suggestion of split trips. With 5 kids, a wide age span, and limited budget, it's going to be a long wait for a typical family vacation. One parent and one child is much more affordable, not to mention much easier on the parent!  

Also, don't dismiss the idea of just you going away for a few days, or just dh. 

The other idea I like is to look for the hidden gems that are close to you. If you get a bit more specific on your location, others might be able to chime in with suggestions.

I don't think there's any parent in the world who doesn't occasionally feel stuck. It's actually very common for all people to get to a certain point in their life and feel a bit tired, wonder if they should have made different decisions, envy different lifestyles, and so on. The term "mid-life crisis" exists for reason! 

[SKL]

17 hours ago, PinkyandtheBrains. said:

 

Or they follow the deal blogs to get crazy good prices along the way.

Or they lived super frugally until they paid off their debt and built some equity, and then started travelling ....

[AprilTN]

Random thoughts...

1.  My family did not "travel" when I was growing up.  We took a weekend trip once a year to a place about 4 hours away, and we went tent camping once or twice a year.  I have WONDERFUL memories of those trips.  

2.  I have traveled quite a bit with my husband and children.  We have two kids.  We went to Europe for the first time when they were 12 and 15.  Each time we go they are older and it is more enjoyable.   Many people take younger children on big trips but I just don't think I would have enjoyed that at all.

3.  We pay cash for our trips, so it is budgeted and paid for before we go. We would go and do what we could afford, even if it was camping or an overnight stay somewhere.  

3a. However, when our kids were really young we took them to the beach a few times and we put it on a credit card.  I stressed about it so much and my dh had to sit me down and explain that we would pay it off if it took us all year, and to quit worrying about it.  We chipped away at it and paid it off over the next several months.  I would have not taken those trips if my dh had not insisted, and I am so glad we did it.  We were frugal on those trips and stayed as inexpensively as we could, but sometimes you just take the trip! 

4. I love the idea of taking a child during a milestone birthday with one parent.  If we couldn't travel all together, and that was what our budget/time/support would allow, I would definitely do that.

5.  Not only did we not travel when I was growing up, I don't recall knowing ANYONE that traveled outside the U.S. as a family.  Most people we knew were middle class.  Maybe that's just related to where I grew up, or just a generational thing, but the only time I remember someone traveling outside the U.S. was a few friends that were able to go on a class trip with the French teacher.

6.  I saw on FB where one of my childhood friends just went to the beach (we are about 6 hours away from the nearest beach).  They stayed at a campground.  Her pictures just seemed to radiate with fun.  I could tell they had a great time.  That is what is important----not how extravagant the trip is, but who you are with.  You can be miserable in the nicest restaurant in a famous city, and you can be belly laughing while eating sandwiches and playing cards while waiting for the rain to stop.  I know that you already know that, but it's just nice to be reminded.

7.  We have been really privileged to do a lot of traveling but we have NEVER been to Disneyworld, Disneyland, Disneyanything.  That is unheard of in my social circle. But we just do our thing and don't really care what others do.

8.  It helped us to list out exactly where we would like to travel and what types of things we'd like to see.  Of course I want to see it all, but when I really think about it, I could pick a few favorites and go from there.  If you know exactly the type of trip you'd like to take, it helps you not compare so much.  For example, I have no desire to take a cruise.  So I don't need to save money for that.

9.  Finally, we plan our trips as far in advance as we can, because we get so much enjoyment out of anticipating them.  It also helps us to be more frugal because we know we have a trip coming up and we need to keep our money under control.  

 

I hope something I said in this helps.  

 

[Lady Marmalade]

My DD turns 18 this August and we've only taken one far away vacation as a family when she was four and DS was a baby. She doesn't remember it at all, and the only reason we did the trip in the first place was because DBIL lives in Orlando and was getting married.  And the ILS helped pay for the hotel for the week.    We jumped on the opportunity to take the kids to Disney for a day.  Eh.  None of us remember it being the most wonderful place on earth and it's not high on our priorities of places to go again.  

It was hard to travel when they were little.  Our littles were pukers.  We couldn't travel two hours without one of them tossing their cookies, and no one really wants to dope up their kids on dramamine!  

Literally, our only real family vacation every year is a week of camping.  That's it.  Several years ago I started lamenting the fact that my kids had not really traveled beyond Minneapolis or Chicago.

And then we joined a dance studio that travels across the country for nationals.  Just like that, I was suddenly planning a road trip from Wisconsin to Panama City Beach, Florida.  Since then we've also traveled to Sandusky, Ohio and Virginia Beach, and we're getting ready to travel to Virginia Beach again at the end of this week.  I can't wait! Last year we extended our Virginia Beach trip and traveled to Washington DC, and it may have been my most favorite road trip ever!  

And yet, these are not really family vacations because DH doesn't go- he stays home to work, so it's just me and the kids road-tripping across the country.  We can afford to do it because DH doesn't take the time off- income coming in while I'm making it go out.  But two, we also take advantage of our camping ability and supplies.  Last year we stayed at a national park in Greenbelt Maryland in our tent for less than $100 for the weekend.  We hopped on the metro to go into DC, so that cost us about $50 over the course of the whole weekend.  Museums and monuments are free, so our only expense there was gas and food.  

In Virginia Beach?  First Landing State Park.  It's glorious- a private beach for campers only, full free showers, and convenient to anything we could want to do in the Virginia Beach/Norfolk area.   For the entire week it literally costs me less than one night in a hotel in Virginia Beach.

It takes us two days of driving to get there- we do stay at a hotel past the halfway point, so I have one long day of driving followed by one short day of driving.  This time we're taking a day between legs to stay an extra day and stretch our legs and explore the area.    We pull out the big road atlas and the Roadside America app and try to find free quirky things to see and do along the way (once we get past Chicago, of course).  We're all about finding fun places to eat- ice cream stands, places that have been on food network, etc.  

Anyway, the point being that your kids are still small.  Don't despair!!  My kids now love to travel.  They are still pukers, but they know how to NOT get that bad in the car now.  And honestly, they're pretty darn fun traveling companions.  I am now hoping that once they've flown from the nest and the season of dance life is done, that we can find a way to continue doing our road trips together.  We're seeing so much of the country than I ever thought was possible all those years ago. 

 

[mschickie]

We have not been on a big family vacation since we got married 17 years ago (dh had a 9 year old so instant kids in the family).  I too have been jealous of friends trips and wondered how they did it.  Some go into debt for it, some have them gifted by family members while others are really good at saving.  We are going on a trip this year which was made possible by an inheritance I received.

If you are really interested in doing a vacation what you may want to do is price out where you want to go.  Look for all the different options (airbnb instead of hotel, driving vs flying...).   Looks for the deals.  If you are interesting in something like Disney look for their free dining days or other special deals.  Check for places that have specials or time it around homeschool days.  I know Colonial Williamsburg does a few days to a week with discounted admission for homeschoolers.   If you belong to a museum or zoo check to see where there may be reciprocal admissions.

  Get yourself a reasonable budget for it and then make a dedicated savings for it.  One family I know takes all their change or loose money out of their pockets/purse every week and put it into a special savings for a vacation.  Others take back soda/water bottles and put that money into a savings.  I know one family that has a small amount in their budget set aside for vacation.  Maybe ask for money towards a vacation for Christmas and Birthday instead of gifts.  It may take a while to save it but if can be nice to watch that savings grow.

[Meadowlark]

I really appreciate everyone chiming in here with what has worked for your family, and all of the other topics that have come up thus far. Here are a few of my random thoughts in response to some of these posts.

I do realize that the families I see relaxing on a beach on FB live much different lives than us. You know-2 kids, both parents make 80-90,000, etc etc. I also very much realize that FB does not help with my mental health which is why I've scaled back the people that I follow to almost 1/4, and try to only follow people that DON'T make me feel that way. I guess when it starts to bother me is when I see families with 5-6 kids doing these kinds of trips. 

I too like the idea of one parent taking a few of the kids, but in reality, i just don't think that would work. For starters, I'm not very self-sufficient I'm sad to say. I can't drive long periods and I think part of my yearning to get away is to have my husband WITH me-because after all, it's me here with the kids 75% of the time and to have the whole family together is what I wish for (although yes, it's stressful).

To be more specific, we live about 4 hours west of Chicago. A few summers ago we did St. Louis, and we all absolutely loved it. (if anyone wants to go I have the perfect house for you to rent!). When I think back to what made it so great-it's that 1) we had a house and NOT a hotel room, 2) we were able to shop at Aldi and cook our own food most of the time, with a few local splurges, 3) a lot of the stuff we did was free! The zoo, science museum, etc. I didn't feel like the city was a crazy metropolis and it was relatively non-stressful. 

So, I think what I'm looking for in the short-term is an experience like that. Someplace that offers plenty to do in the way of new experiences, history of the city/state so they can actually learn something, and some fun stuff sprinkled in.

Maybe some of you fellow midwesterners can chime in on what cities in the MN, NE, MS, IN, OH area could do that for us. 

As for the long-term, we sure are going to continue saving for at least one splurge vacation. I really don't think it will be Disney because that would eat up our entire savings (I priced it out as almost $10,000!)...but maybe somewhere else rich in history, beauty and fun.  I am interested in American history so is there a place with a beach that is heavy in that? 

Anyway-I'm loving this conversation and am learning a lot. Thank you!

[Meadowlark]

21 hours ago, mommyoffive said:

 

 

I think part of my problem is that I'm clueless! What in the world does it mean to "travel hack"? I seriously have no idea. I'd love to hear your tips. I'm going to make this happen for us somehow-maybe not soon but eventually!

 

We have five and we can afford to fly, but we travel hack to make vacations more frequent  or just to save the money.  Is traveling with a big family easy?  Not all the time, but I am so glad we do it.   Having the memories of seeing what we have together is amazing.  And honestly it gets easier every time.  We get experience on the best ways for us to get used to jet lag.  We pick up more local lang.  We get better a packing.  They kids get to be better travelers. 

I know we could wait.  But what if our health isn't there in a decade?  We wanted to go now.  I am not into driving long distances.  I would only want to drive a few hours a day and then the cost of hotels and time ends up being what it would be to fly.  So we fly.  We have traveled a lot domestically and are ticking off our international places now.  

I listened to all the people for years saying, don't travel with young kids.  Don't travel because your family is to big.  But I am so glad I found a mom who online who showed me the way.  Traveling over seas doesn't have to be as expensive any more.  You can stay in hostels there.  You can get tickets to Europe for $200-$300 bucks.  You can open a few credit cards and get enough points to have your whole family there.  And you can do it for the hotels or airbnbs too.  This stuff works.  I wish that I would have tried it sooner because we would have jumped off the ledge sooner.  You can travel for free or just the taxes on tickets.   Are there places you want to go? 

We have done disney a few times and it was ok.  But not making it on my list to do again.  

You can make it happen.  There is more than one way.

Travel hacking

getting great deals on tickets

hostel 

some people travel and dog sit at homes and then get free places to stay

go on a trip instead of christmas presents or something.  (we do that and it isn't much more expensive than doing christmas)

I would rather have the memories of traveling than a house filled with more toys. I don't want to wait until they are all big, then some are in college.  I don't want to wait and see if dh and i are both healthy in 15 years.  I don't regret the $ , time, and effort that we have put into to travel.  To us it is really important to experience the world with them. Life is too short.

 

If you are into hacking I can give you a bit of head start on how to do it where to look.  It doesn't take long to earn free tickets. 

 

[KungFuPanda]

8 hours ago, Momto5inIN said:

 

If mama is the one stuck doing all the work, then no it's not a lot of fun. But I don't cook at all when we camp - either we eat ready to eat no cook meals or my husband takes a turn with cooking. Because, you know, fire and stuff ? and he'd be bored sitting around the campsite with nothing to do but watch me cook. And we all pitch in to do dishes, even the toddlers, or we use paper plates. I lower my cleanliness standards and don't clean at all when camping other than a daily shower ? Yes, it's harder to watch young kids in an unfamiliar situation, but that would be true no matter where you go on vacation, including and maybe even especially places like Disney. And there's lots of laundry when you get home, but that's true no matter where you go as well. I know camping isn't for everybody, and that's fine, it doesn't have to be! Different strokes for different folks. I was simply commenting that if someone *is* taking camping trips, as the OP said, but still doesn't feel like they've traveled anywhere, then maybe it's time to re-evaluate their expectations.

I love the simplicity of camping. The only thing that’s harder is hand washing dishes. At home there are a million chores. When you camp you just have to eat and do dishes. That’s so much more relaxing to me than running a house. 

My kids don’t camp anymore. Apparently I burned them out when they were little. ?

[rjand6more]

2 hours ago, Meadowlark said:

I really appreciate everyone chiming in here with what has worked for your family, and all of the other topics that have come up thus far. Here are a few of my random thoughts in response to some of these posts.

I do realize that the families I see relaxing on a beach on FB live much different lives than us. You know-2 kids, both parents make 80-90,000, etc etc. I also very much realize that FB does not help with my mental health which is why I've scaled back the people that I follow to almost 1/4, and try to only follow people that DON'T make me feel that way. I guess when it starts to bother me is when I see families with 5-6 kids doing these kinds of trips. 

I too like the idea of one parent taking a few of the kids, but in reality, i just don't think that would work. For starters, I'm not very self-sufficient I'm sad to say. I can't drive long periods and I think part of my yearning to get away is to have my husband WITH me-because after all, it's me here with the kids 75% of the time and to have the whole family together is what I wish for (although yes, it's stressful).

To be more specific, we live about 4 hours west of Chicago. A few summers ago we did St. Louis, and we all absolutely loved it. (if anyone wants to go I have the perfect house for you to rent!). When I think back to what made it so great-it's that 1) we had a house and NOT a hotel room, 2) we were able to shop at Aldi and cook our own food most of the time, with a few local splurges, 3) a lot of the stuff we did was free! The zoo, science museum, etc. I didn't feel like the city was a crazy metropolis and it was relatively non-stressful. 

So, I think what I'm looking for in the short-term is an experience like that. Someplace that offers plenty to do in the way of new experiences, history of the city/state so they can actually learn something, and some fun stuff sprinkled in.

Maybe some of you fellow midwesterners can chime in on what cities in the MN, NE, MS, IN, OH area could do that for us. 

As for the long-term, we sure are going to continue saving for at least one splurge vacation. I really don't think it will be Disney because that would eat up our entire savings (I priced it out as almost $10,000!)...but maybe somewhere else rich in history, beauty and fun.  I am interested in American history so is there a place with a beach that is heavy in that? 

Anyway-I'm loving this conversation and am learning a lot. Thank you!

 

To the bolded: We have gone to Disney many times.  We have 6 kids and I have not paid anywhere near that.  We stay onsite.  With airfare it is not that much! We stay 10-12 days.  Of course, we stay at Value resorts and go the cheapest times with free dining...

But there are lots of options! Colonial Williamsburg has HS days in September. We stayed in a condo for 4 days and went to all the parks/historical sites super cheap.  There are beaches not far.

[Alicia64]

Meadowlark,

Funny, but I feel the same as you. . . except about kids. I had twins who are 15 now -- and they were/are so wonderful in every way that I dearly wish I had had more kids.

I never had the chance to get tired of diapering because it was over so fast. I saw a mom feeding her baby solids from a spoon as the baby sat in a highchair the other day and thought, I barely even remember feeding anyone in a highchair. . . it went so quickly. And you have no idea how much I miss the extensive reading aloud we did. We read tons and tons of books. We still do -- we're on Grapes of Wrath now -- and it's fantastic, but I miss kid-lit. It was so much fun. Teens are great in their own way, but I sure miss when they were younger and adored me. And had cute little elf voices, and no hairy legs!! And mustaches.

Anyhoo, if you ever want to PM me, feel free. I've started a blog on saving money on travel because I have some experience. A few ideas:

Consider TrustedHousesitters.com. You may not be able to take your entire crew, but maybe take just the oldest kids?

oYou know how relatives give gift cards at December holidays? Use them in the summer to buy items for a trip.

 LOVE this awesome idea by Clark Howard. Google “Clark Howard’s 52-week challenge to save $1378 in 1 year.”

I’ve used this savings method: eat spaghetti for dinner a lot for many months (you probably already do this kind of thing). Do the same with meat, cut way back. Every time you have spaghetti (or don’t have meat) for dinner, calculate the savings and put the $ into your travel acct.

 

      Create a travel account.

Strategically remove one thing from your budget. I stopped our bug service and started using Home Defense from Home Depot.

For me, kiss and snuggle those babies tonight!!

Alley

 

 

[Meadowlark]

Aw, you are so sweet. Thanks for kicking me in the butt with a dose of reality. I know in my heart that this vacation thing is not a huge deal in the whole scheme of life. I just turned 40 and so I am coming to see just how quickly this life is going, and that I really only have about 5-7 more summers with my oldest until he's off to college-which is just crazy. I can so relate to you in a way. I had 5 of my 6 kids in 6.5 years and I barely remember any of it! Seriously, the kids ask me what they were like as babies and I look at them dumbfounded because all I want to say is "I kept you alive and that's about it" because that's how it was! Life was crazy and even though I have 6, I still feel like it has gone fast. But thanks for the reminder to just enjoy the stage we're in-and yes, reading all of those great books is a tremendous joy to me too. In fact, my favorite part of childhood is snuggling on the couch and reading (as evident by the hundreds of books strewn all over my living room on any given day). And so, I am going to try and relish the small trips that we CAN do, and still try to keep saving to do at least one "big" trip sometime in the next 5 years. I just don't want to live in regret. I hear so often people say "I should've taken the trip", but didn't because of money, etc. I want to live-I want to love-I want to have no regrets. Thanks again. They're in bed now but I will smooch their cheeks for you in the morning :-)

[Meadowlark]

And clearly, I haven't figured out how to quote and reply with this new system. Sorry! Hope you can see that I was replying to you, Alicia64!

[2squared]

6 hours ago, Meadowlark said:

I really appreciate everyone chiming in here with what has worked for your family, and all of the other topics that have come up thus far. Here are a few of my random thoughts in response to some of these posts.

I do realize that the families I see relaxing on a beach on FB live much different lives than us. You know-2 kids, both parents make 80-90,000, etc etc. I also very much realize that FB does not help with my mental health which is why I've scaled back the people that I follow to almost 1/4, and try to only follow people that DON'T make me feel that way. I guess when it starts to bother me is when I see families with 5-6 kids doing these kinds of trips. 

I too like the idea of one parent taking a few of the kids, but in reality, i just don't think that would work. For starters, I'm not very self-sufficient I'm sad to say. I can't drive long periods and I think part of my yearning to get away is to have my husband WITH me-because after all, it's me here with the kids 75% of the time and to have the whole family together is what I wish for (although yes, it's stressful).

To be more specific, we live about 4 hours west of Chicago. A few summers ago we did St. Louis, and we all absolutely loved it. (if anyone wants to go I have the perfect house for you to rent!). When I think back to what made it so great-it's that 1) we had a house and NOT a hotel room, 2) we were able to shop at Aldi and cook our own food most of the time, with a few local splurges, 3) a lot of the stuff we did was free! The zoo, science museum, etc. I didn't feel like the city was a crazy metropolis and it was relatively non-stressful. 

So, I think what I'm looking for in the short-term is an experience like that. Someplace that offers plenty to do in the way of new experiences, history of the city/state so they can actually learn something, and some fun stuff sprinkled in.

Maybe some of you fellow midwesterners can chime in on what cities in the MN, NE, MS, IN, OH area could do that for us. 

As for the long-term, we sure are going to continue saving for at least one splurge vacation. I really don't think it will be Disney because that would eat up our entire savings (I priced it out as almost $10,000!)...but maybe somewhere else rich in history, beauty and fun.  I am interested in American history so is there a place with a beach that is heavy in that? 

Anyway-I'm loving this conversation and am learning a lot. Thank you!

 

Four hours west of Chicago....are you near Galena, IL or Dubuque, IA? I'm from that part of the world but live in MN now.

A driving trip to the Badlands and Mount Rushmore would be fun in a couple years. We did that over fall break one year, and it was a great vacation at that time of year. Omaha, NE has a great zoo that takes a couple days to get through. The Field of Dreams is not far from Dubuque, and is a fun little stop, especially after watching the movie. Minneapolis/St Paul is a day's drive from Northern IL and would be a fun trip. Chicago would be another fun city to explore.

My five kids are 16yo-7yo, and we are just starting to ramp up our traveling. Last year I took my two oldest to Paris and London while dh stayed home with the younger three. This summer we are driving to NC and renting a house on the beach. I hope to take my kids on a trip when they graduate high school, just the two of us. I find AirBnB to be a great value for bigger families. We save throughout the year to afford vacations, but that being said....we have two FT incomes. I would LOVE to be home with my kids again, but I can't give up the financial security my working provides for us. 

Growing up, my family traveled quite a bit. My grandparents went to every state and over 50 countries before they stopped traveling. My mom picked up the travel bug from them, and she takes two large international trips every year in addition to a couple domestic trips. I was very fortunate to land an international traveling job right out of college, so I have seen most of Europe and pieces of Asia and South America. I took dh on his only international trips, and I am fortunate that he understands travel/vacation is pretty high on my want list. When we hit retirement in 15-20 years, we will travel at a higher pace.

[TravelingChris]

I actually like looking at vacation photos on Facebook.  As to vacations, for most of our times when we had children at home, we couldn't afford to fly.  We camped (and no I never did it all.  At first just d h and I but even by 2 or 3,'a child can start helping. Of course, little at young ages but by 10, quite a lot).  We rented cabins in state parks or stayed at lodges.  We lived in Ohio twice during our AF yea rs. We traveled to State parks in Oh and Ky. I have such fond memories of our trips to State ,Parks and National Parks.  No, going overseas right now may not be possible but really nice times can be had in the Midwest too. 

oh and one possible way to save money as a homeschooler  is to travel in off seasons.  That is what we usually did.

[countrygal]

I have been having the same pity party about vacations. I have six kids ages 2-12 and feel like we will never go on any big family vacations before our oldest is grown. Our biggest hindrance is we have a dairy farm and my dh is the only employee. We would have to find and train someone to take over the farm and would cost $1000 + a week just to pay them. I have been reminding myself that my kids are fortunate to have a childhood on the farm, dad is always home, and we live on land bigger than a state park. Everyone is so right that you can make memories at home or close to home. We do day trips and see things near home.

You should check out Wisconsin for shorter distance vacations. Wisconsin Dells has numerous resorts and the waterparks are included in the cost of your room for everyone every day you stay there. Some big ones are Kalahari, Great Wolf, and Wilderness. Noah's ark is a separate waterpark and is the best one there (and largest in America.) There are boat tours of the beautiful river and many other nearby attractions. It's like Vegas for kids. Devils Lake State park isn't far either and it's beautiful. Circus world museum is nearby, too. 

[mommyoffive]

23 hours ago, marbel said:

I didn't mean to pick on you. There were other posts that seemed to reflect the same sentiment.  I just think comparing lives and weighing where someone else's is better or worse than mine is not helpful.  It doesn't make me feel any better, anyway.  I find it more helpful to think in terms of generalities, like "I don't have this, but I have this, and it's a good trade-off for me (or "this is just the way it is right now but someday it might be different," or similar).  

 

Yes I find this really unhelpful.  That doesn't make me feel better when I want to travel some place, but can't because of $ to just think their lives must be horrible in some way.  Hey yes some people might be in debt to do these things, but that isn't everyone.  

If you have a dream make a plan and make it happen.  Don't let $ or amount of kids stop you.  YOu can  do it. There are so many ways. 

Oh and then maybe travel to a country that is cheaper.  Some places make your dollar go so far.  Really nice hotel rooms for $25.  Budapest, Greece, Thailand.......

[mommyoffive]

11 hours ago, Meadowlark said:

Aw, you are so sweet. Thanks for kicking me in the butt with a dose of reality. I know in my heart that this vacation thing is not a huge deal in the whole scheme of life. I just turned 40 and so I am coming to see just how quickly this life is going, and that I really only have about 5-7 more summers with my oldest until he's off to college-which is just crazy. I can so relate to you in a way. I had 5 of my 6 kids in 6.5 years and I barely remember any of it! Seriously, the kids ask me what they were like as babies and I look at them dumbfounded because all I want to say is "I kept you alive and that's about it" because that's how it was! Life was crazy and even though I have 6, I still feel like it has gone fast. But thanks for the reminder to just enjoy the stage we're in-and yes, reading all of those great books is a tremendous joy to me too. In fact, my favorite part of childhood is snuggling on the couch and reading (as evident by the hundreds of books strewn all over my living room on any given day). And so, I am going to try and relish the small trips that we CAN do, and still try to keep saving to do at least one "big" trip sometime in the next 5 years. I just don't want to live in regret. I hear so often people say "I should've taken the trip", but didn't because of money, etc. I want to live-I want to love-I want to have no regrets. Thanks again. They're in bed now but I will smooch their cheeks for you in the morning ?

 

This is me.  We are really focusing a lot on this because the oldest only has a few more years at home.   We want the memories so that is what we do.  WE only travel as a whole group.  I just couldn't deal with the sadness of my kids who were not there.  I have a few who would lose it totally. I like the whole family together too.  I want to see places with them and my dh. 

I think you should make a plan to where you want to go and start figuring out how you can make it happen. 

10k for Disney?  No.  We haven't spent that much.  

so where do you want to go?  Disney?  Europe? Asia? 

This can happen. 

[Momto6inIN]

I realized when my oldest DS was about 13 that we only had a few more years of vacations where all 7 of us were guaranteed to be together. Then college/internships/jobs/adult life would intervene and he might or might not be able to come with us after that. So we (DH and DC and me all together) started brainstorming places we really wanted to see as a family and we prioritized it. The *only* way we could afford to see all these places in just a few years was to camp, so that's what we did/are doing. Our list included Washington DC, Gulf Shores Alabama, Rocky Mountains, Niagara Falls, Maine, Gettysburg, and Yellowstone.

We did do Disney back before we had our youngest and for 6 people for a 10 day vacation we spent $3000. We went during the off season, drove through the night and didn't fly, stayed offsite at a VRBO rental house and drove to the parks ourselves, cooked most meals and only ate at the parks 1 meal/day, and didn't do fancy add-ons with the tickets like park hoppers and stuff like that. We had to save for about 2 years to do it, but we did it ?

[saraha]

Thanks to the person who suggested A Candle in the Window, off to do some more research!

[maize]

I'm right there with you on the difficulties of large family travel! My siblings all travel way more than we do. They all have smaller families and most have more income.

I wouldn't trade in any of my kids for more travel opportunities, but I do feel a bit wistful at times.

[Guest]

On 6/20/2018 at 7:36 AM, Carrie12345 said:

Eh.  Part of me hates that my kids haven't really traveled/vacationed. Like, really hates it.  But then I think about all of the things I would need to cut from our regular life in order to make that happen.  Do I really want to take away things that are important to us 50 weeks a year for 2 weeks of escape from those 50 weeks?  No.

(Could I use 2 weeks away from trying to produce happy, healthy, enriched childhoods 50 weeks a year?  Heck yeah, lol. The "baby" will hit 18 when I'm 52, though.  It'll happen.)

Me too. But the funny thing about it is that kids don’t necessarily value travel as much as older people do. Or the part they love about a trip can turn out to be the most ordinary thing. (When we took a trip to Niagara Falls when my kids were 4, 9 and 11, the boys thought the BEST thing was playing Mario Kart on the hotel game system. To their right is a floor-to-ceiling window looking down on a natural wonder of the world and their eyes are glued in front of them on a digital figure in a go kart.) 

I say this even though I often wish I could take my kids all over the US and world. I say this even though when I feel a twinge of envy over FB posts, it is usually exactly this - friends who can take their kids to Scotland or Italy or Hawaii. When DH and I went on a cruise to Alaska, people were teasing us about how great is to get away sans kids but I was sad we simply could not afford to take them. I did not leave them home so we could “get away.” I would much rather they had gone with us. (But again, they would probably have said their favorite thing was the ice cream sundae bar or something, not Mendenhall’s Glacier!) 

[Barb_]

We pushed through and did it anyway. Some of our favorite stories, the ones we retell over and and over, are just terrible events as they are taking place. It’s ok. There are enough good times there to make memories we all cherish. My oldest is 28 and my youngest is closing in on 10. We never stopped road tripping and have  no regrets. 

[katilac]

59 minutes ago, Barb_ said:

We pushed through and did it anyway. Some of our favorite stories, the ones we retell over and and over, are just terrible events as they are taking place . 

2

 

Humans are so strange! We're all like, remember the time the toilet backed up in the condo? We broke down on the interstate? All the cash floated out of my wallet in the ocean? Ha ha ha, good times! 

[Barb_]

1 hour ago, katilac said:

 

Humans are so strange! We're all like, remember the time the toilet backed up in the condo? We broke down on the interstate? All the cash floated out of my wallet in the ocean? Ha ha ha, good times! 

 

Exactly!! Maybe it’s like combat bonding or something?

[LucyStoner]

My take on my friends who post vacation pictures isn't that they are spendthrifts or braggy.  I don't get that at all. I have one friend who travels A LOT for fun and her posts are always so interesting, I feel like I get a little vacation just from reading about hers.  She isn't well off but travel is what she loves, so she makes it work.  Oftentimes she posts links to killer deals she has found, like Seattle to London with an optional free 3-7 day stopover in Iceland for less than $300/person.   

We have two autistic children.  When we could afford to travel more, we were essentially paying so they could read on a fluffy hotel bed.  There are fluffy hotel beds to be had a couple of minutes from here that don't require paying $$$$ to travel to, lol.  Different food stresses them out.  Different activities, same story.  It's just a lot of work and even if we still had the money (and we don't at this point), I've come to see traveling as something I am not going to do in this season of life.  

We focus on getting the most fun out of the things we can do.  

[Tsuga]

32 minutes ago, LucyStoner said:

   Oftentimes she posts links to killer deals she has found, like Seattle to London with an optional free 3-7 day stopover in Iceland for less than $300/person.    

Sometimes people like that will even create and watch a search for you. It doesn't require as much mental energy because they do it often.

On 6/19/2018 at 12:59 PM, Meadowlark said:

 The Facebook posts to Disney, Europe, the beach-even the one here about nature in Europe...all make me sad and wistful because we just can't afford to fly our family anywhere. We live smack in the middle of the Midwest and have done vacations in all directions. ...

I'd love to take my kids to see historical sights that we've studied, or just the beach. ...

I don't know what I'm asking. I guess I wonder if other big families feel the way I do, and what they do about it. I am so grateful for all we have and love our big family, but traveling is the one thing I adore and I feel stuck. ...

Oh, and we DO camp. I don't really consider that a vacation though.

Thanks in advance for any ideas or thoughts.

Well, our all family vacations are driving and camping. We are six and we cannot afford more. We have managed, thanks to family support, to do a week or two alone. It is really hard not to have that.

On 6/19/2018 at 1:03 PM, Scarlett said:

 

Comparison is the thief of joy.  

Hard to live by but so true.

On 6/19/2018 at 2:07 PM, Quill said:

I only have three kids and I have felt that way. A friend of mine is doing a big trip through the national parks with her family this year. That was a trip I always wanted to do with my kids but we could never get the logistics worked out. ...we have never been anywhere together for two weeks. Not one time in 24 years of marriage. ..

 

On 6/19/2018 at 2:18 PM, PeterPan said:

I unfollow anyone who posts pics of trips that make me feel that way. 

I just got off Facebook. You know how they say "don't compare your outtakes to someone else's highlight reel"? I can't do that. I compare.

On 6/19/2018 at 2:57 PM, Momto5inIN said:

Gently, because I know exactly how you feel, because many times over the past 20 years of marriage camping with all our 5 kids was the only vacation we could afford ... maybe this isn't a problem about not being able to travel but about your expectations of a what "vacation" looks like. 

... I'd be willing to bet that your kids feel the same.

I do think that cabins by the beach would be an amazing vacation for many, many families. I know it is for most families around here. Camping with the kids or cabins on a lake is all most of us can afford. So even if that doesn't sound fun, Meadowlark, at least you aren't alone lol.

On 6/19/2018 at 3:44 PM, itsheresomewhere said:

Any chance there is a nice hotel with a water park or nice pool near you?  That could be what you need to feel an escape and be affordable for your family.  Even Groupon could have few things that could give you that escape.  

Agreed. We took our kids on a really long nice camping trip once, and my partner took the big kids overseas. All we ever hear about is this one huge water park in Idaho where we have never been. 

On 6/19/2018 at 4:15 PM, fairfarmhand said:

 

Was unable to delete this quote on a phone.

On 6/19/2018 at 4:32 PM, Momto5inIN said:

I also remind myself when I start feeling envious of other people's exotic travels that it's extremely likely that a high percentage of them are also drowning in debt. That's not very noble of me, I know, but it makes my paid for cheap vacations look better in comparison ?

While it's not true for most I do feel like the Facebook vacationers are more likely to fall into this group. Because so many others know how hard it is to save and don't want to brag, or they know how lucky they have been financially. I knew like two families that would contantly post stuff and I think they truly were unable to see how extravagant it all was because they were in such denial about the financial consequences.

Whereas, we do know (very very) well off people who go on a vacation overseas every other year, and they never talk about it but to close friends. They are too aware of how much it costs and how it will affect people's perception of them.

On 6/20/2018 at 9:23 AM, Margaret in CO said:

We didn't take vacations, but then, we live where everyone else takes vacations!

Hear, hear! 

32 minutes ago, LucyStoner said:

  She isn't well off but travel is what she loves, so she makes it work.  Oftentimes she posts links to killer deals she has found, like Seattle to London with an optional free 3-7 day stopover in Iceland for less than $300/person.   

Random sidenote: I have been to Iceland and met a family that was there on such a deal. They ended up camping because Iceland is incredibly expensive. Breathtakingly expensive. And the kids were so miserable when I saw them it was comical even to her. It was so cold. But I'm sure the Facebook shots, if there were any, looked incredible.

[threebyme]

I briefly skimmed some responses, but I hear you!  We live on an island with one airline to choose from or the ferry system, both expensive options.  So we have to save, save, save to get off our rock!  ?  It has gotten easier as our oldest is out of the house, and no we are not a big family, two left in the house, but our location is a challenge, can't drive anywhere either.  

But, in regards to social media just know everyone gets there by different choices.  We get to our vacations by saying no to a lot of things or eating out, etc.  we do make sacrifices and live a simple lifestyle as well as use the cc to earn airline miles.  I know some friends on fb who have to crimp and save every penny to do what they do and others can easily afford it.  I'm sure there are those who go into debt to vacation too.

in time it will get easier and you will look back and think wow that went fast!!  (Can you tell which stage I'm entering???).  But I saw some suggestions on to take older ones and then younger ones at a later time, that seems like a good idea.  We have friends who have 8 kids and they have only left the island once as an entire family, otherwise they do split vacations for older, younger, etc in order to make it work!  Hope you find something that works for you in the meantime!!

[Frances]

On 6/20/2018 at 10:09 AM, SKL said:

Or they lived super frugally until they paid off their debt and built some equity, and then started travelling ....

And experiences and education mean far more to them than stuff, so they rarely buy anything except basic necessities, education, and experiences. And even though they don’t have to, they prefer to travel quite simply. Any splurges are on the experience part of the vacation, not food and accommodations.

[AimeeM]

Somewhat similar situation, but I try not to let it get to me. We have three kids who are all of ages (16, 9, 6) that would, typically, mean traveling could be easier -- but the two younger guys ASD (and not considered high-functioning) and it just make the logistics surrounding a big trip such an energy drain, before we've even started on reaching the destination. I'm tired. Like, really tired. We did do Universal a bit over a year ago and it was great, actually, but wowzers -- the overstimulation-come-down when those few days were over was intense and then we felt like we needed a "vacation from our vacation" for a week after getting home. It isn't something I even try to consider as a possibility these days. When it happens -- great; when it doesn't, oh well. 

I miss our "vacations" up to my FIL's place (a solid 12+ hour drive for us). We'd stay at his house with him, but he lived in an outskirt of Philadelphia so there were always things to take the kids to do and see -- zoos, battlegrounds, museums, etc. And since we did so at least twice yearly (and typically for 10+ days each trip), the younger boys were so used to Pop Pop's house that there was no adjustment period for them. 

My younger sister and her family went out of the country a few weeks ago and are now spending a month sight-seeing in NYC. I'm super happy for her and she deserves every minute of it. I'd be lying if I said I didn't wish it could be the same here, but the minute I think about The Marvelous Flying Marco walking a street in NYC with us, and hearing just the general traffic noises, the shrieking and rocking and covering of ears that would commence and his attempts to dart "away" from the noise (that could very well land him in the traffic), make me feel a lot better about not going, lol.

[Amber in SJ]

We live in a place where it seems like everyone has a smaller family and very few families are single income unless the Dh works for one of the tech biggies and makes more than 2X what my dh makes.  Therefore, they have much more disposable income and can go on fabulous vacations.  We are literally they only people we know IRL who have not been to Hawaii.  One family we know goes so often that, "It isn't even exciting for the kids anymore."  So they go on cruises, to places like Bali or resorts in the Caribbean.  We know families who are on assistance who go to Disney multiple times a year.  All of that to say, I feel you!  I say in my head, "Good for you! I hope it is lovely," and I choose to ignore the rest.  

I know you said camping is not a vacation, but I am sure it is to the kids, and it is a tradition that they will remember.  

When my oldest was 16 and could drive Dh & I went to New York for 5 days.  We started out by spending the night in a hotel an hour away.  It gave us a little break and our oldest practice in taking care of her siblings.  We could be home quickly if something happened.  After a couple of these weekend practice runs she was ready to take care of her siblings for the big trip.  Maybe you could look forward to something like this in the future :) 

It is a season.  For now I'd look for fun things to do within an hour drive because at the ages of your kids staying in a hotel is more trouble than it is worth.  

Amber in SJ

[Kari C in SC]

Here is one tip that has helped us travel. I have a choice hotels visa. I got it about 12 years ago and have racked up free hotel nights. We charge everything we can on it and pay our balance off each month. With a family of 8, you would need two rooms, but it is still very doable. They do offer some blue green resorts that sleep 8. We went to Las Vegas and Utah - two years ago and didn’t spend any money on lodging. Same with staying in midtown Manhattan last year. I think I had to spend $100 on extra points to cover it, but we stayed 6 nights in one of the priciest places. A couple weeks ago, we spent 6 nights outside of Washington DC and 2 nights in the Shenandoah for free. You get 2 points for every dollar spent. The hotel outside of DC was 12000 points a night. The hotel in NYC was about 20000 points. Sounds like a lot, but we probably average 9000 to 10,000 points a month just from paying our electric, cell phone, internet, insurance, groceries, gas, and all household bills in that visa. I’ve looked at airfare cards, but we seem to get more from having a free hotel. You really might want to check it out. 

[Meadowlark]

16 minutes ago, Kari C in SC said:

Here is one tip that has helped us travel. I have a choice hotels visa. I got it about 12 years ago and have racked up free hotel nights. We charge everything we can on it and pay our balance off each month. With a family of 8, you would need two rooms, but it is still very doable. They do offer some blue green resorts that sleep 8. We went to Las Vegas and Utah - two years ago and didn’t spend any money on lodging. Same with staying in midtown Manhattan last year. I think I had to spend $100 on extra points to cover it, but we stayed 6 nights in one of the priciest places. A couple weeks ago, we spent 6 nights outside of Washington DC and 2 nights in the Shenandoah for free. You get 2 points for every dollar spent. The hotel outside of DC was 12000 points a night. The hotel in NYC was about 20000 points. Sounds like a lot, but we probably average 9000 to 10,000 points a month just from paying our electric, cell phone, internet, insurance, groceries, gas, and all household bills in that visa. I’ve looked at airfare cards, but we seem to get more from having a free hotel. You really might want to check it out. 

Oh thank you! I too have looked at so many airline cards but have never taken the plunge. For some reason, I present them to my husband and he never thinks it's a good deal. He much prefers our 1% back on Discover, although I know there must be better things out there. I will definitely look into this! We mostly try to rent houses when we do travel, but now and again, I'd sure like to experience a hotel.

 

[Kari C in SC]

30 minutes ago, Meadowlark said:

Oh thank you! I too have looked at so many airline cards but have never taken the plunge. For some reason, I present them to my husband and he never thinks it's a good deal. He much prefers our 1% back on Discover, although I know there must be better things out there. I will definitely look into this! We mostly try to rent houses when we do travel, but now and again, I'd sure like to experience a hotel.

 

 

 

The Discover deal might be a better return. I think I looked at it once and decided I’d spend that money I got back on other stuff, but the hotel nights would get used for travel. So I stuck with that. There might be other hotel cards that are good too. I just fell into this one while planning a trip years ago and stuck with it. We really like the comfort suites because they sleep 6. We are currently a family of 4, but my teens don’t love sharing a bed because our ds is all over the place. 

[SamanthaCarter]

On 6/19/2018 at 3:59 PM, Meadowlark said:

You can see from my signature that I have 6 kids. This is the time of year that I always get bummed out seeing where other families go on summer vacation. The Facebook posts to Disney, Europe, the beach-even the one here about nature in Europe...all make me sad and wistful because we just can't afford to fly our family anywhere. We live smack in the middle of the Midwest and have done vacations in all directions. We don't do well in the car for that long so driving 21 hours to FL is not in the cards.  All of our trips have been fun, but I just long for more. I'd love to take my kids to see historical sights that we've studied, or just the beach. My husband and I can't even get away because we do not have a support system who can watch our kids for us. I'm 40 and my youngest is 10 months, so it seems like I'll be so old by the time we have an empty nest and can travel.

I don't know what I'm asking. I guess I wonder if other big families feel the way I do, and what they do about it. I am so grateful for all we have and love our big family, but traveling is the one thing I adore and I feel stuck. Maybe I just need to accept that there are sacrifices that need to be made, but I also wonder if there's something I'm missing or if there's anywhere we can make something work.

Oh, and we DO camp. I don't really consider that a vacation though.

Thanks in advance for any ideas or thoughts.

I think just about everyone of modest income feels this. We go to an upper midddle class church and people are constantly asking dh, the kids and I what our travel plans are - every summer. It’s so awkward. And it makes me angry when people ask the kids. They think they’re deprived already - they don’t need help. ?

I came from a military family of six and we didn’t vacation at all. We camped. And we say the country by moving every two years. I don’t remember people assuming vacations every summer back then. I don’t know. Maybe we just looked poor. ?

[importswim]

1 hour ago, SamanthaCarter said:

I think just about everyone of modest income feels this. We go to an upper midddle class church and people are constantly asking dh, the kids and I what our travel plans are - every summer. It’s so awkward. And it makes me angry when people ask the kids. They think they’re deprived already - they don’t need help. ?

I came from a military family of six and we didn’t vacation at all. We camped. And we say the country by moving every two years. I don’t remember people assuming vacations every summer back then. I don’t know. Maybe we just looked poor. ?

Do you live somewhere where there are a lot of transplants to the area? We live in a huge military/vacation community and so the assumption is always that you're traveling to see family during the summer - could that be what they're asking instead of "where are you going on your big fancy vacation?"

 

OP  we have the Hilton Hotels Amex that, like the PP, we put everything on each month to get points (and pay it off at the end of the month). Some cards give you perks like free breakfasts at the hotels (for those that don't already have free breakfast) so that might be something else to consider as well. We usually do a big breakfast (free if possible) and a big dinner while traveling and then take snacks for lunch and that way we're only paying for 1 meal a day. 

[Frances]

For my husband’s family growing up in the Midwest, money was very tight, as they lived on one income. So their only vacations were camping vacations, but they would sometimes go for a month or more (his dad was a teacher) and by the time I met him in college, he had been to almost all of the national parks in the western US. They never ate out in these trips and getting an occasional ice cream cone or having pudding cups with lunch was a big treat. But to this day, I still hear stories about these trips. And for his parents, they always said that the planning of the whole thing, right down to the food to take/meals to make meant they got to have the fun of anticipation during the long Midwest winters.

[mommyoffive]

another idea

I was just reading an article on saving money while traveling.   One family did home exchanges to afford travel.  Let someone stay in your home and you get to stay in someone's house for free.  

[HS Mom in NC]

OP, you just need to live your life in chapters.  This is the chapter where you don't travel.  There was a chapter where you did and there will likely be a future chapter where you will again. None of us can have everything all at once, even though our culture lies constantly to us that we can.  Don't believe the lie.  Enjoy the unique features of this chapter and don't be tempted to covet-coveting ruins the good things you do have by fantasizing about the things you don't have. Yes, there are things you're missing out on, and there are things you're not missing out on-that will always be true for everyone in every lifestyle at every stage of life. 

[Jaybee]

We have a large family too, but have traveled a lot because of job. However, we have enjoyed all types, from camping on up (well, not way on up). We have never done Disney; it's not our style. Things that fit our family style the best: a place where we have more space and can cook (simple, easy meals with more prepared foods than at home and NOT keeping lots of kids cooped up in a hotel); natural beauty with relaxed plans--beach, mountains; besides the easy meals, going out a couple of times to a nice restaurant. For your "big" trip, I would highly recommend D.C., though. I went for the first time when I was 13, then in college, then again a couple of years ago. I have always found it such an interesting place. There is a huge variety of things to do, many of them inexpensively, and you can easily combine educational, interesting, and fun. It's so impactful seeing things you have heard and read about all your life, and then, there they really are! When I was 13 and we went, it was the first time I had ever flown, and my mom also made arrangements through our Congressman for us to sit in on a Congress session, and to get White House tour passes. It can be a lot of walking though. 

[Pam in CT]

re framing

On June 19, 2018 at 5:07 PM, Quill said:

...I saw a little FB meme that said, “Once a year, go somewhere you have never been.” I like that, but I think of it as “once a month...” and it does not have to mean another country, or even state (although those things are lovely). It could be a bakery I just heard about that makes amazing homemade poptarts - yes! It could be an adventure I have never done, like a zipline or a Halloween ghostwalk. 

Just remember there are seasons. There may be some things you will never do, but that doesn’t mean you’ll never do anything. 

I just love this.  I'm going to go somewhere new this week.

 

re directed decision making and forced planning:

On June 30, 2018 at 6:14 PM, Meadowlark said:

Oh thank you! I too have looked at so many airline cards but have never taken the plunge. For some reason, I present them to my husband and he never thinks it's a good deal. He much prefers our 1% back on Discover, although I know there must be better things out there. I will definitely look into this! We mostly try to rent houses when we do travel, but now and again, I'd sure like to experience a hotel.
 

I used to have this conversation with my husband as well.  The thing is, from a strictly cents-on-the-dollar perspective, cash back programs generally ARE the better financial deal, and you can spend the cash on whatever you want or need.  (Though: there are cards that give 2 and even 3% back on certain expenditure categories, so unwavering loyalty to a 1% card without looking around on occasion is maybe unwarranted.)

But that's not the only perspective.  Because it's not urgent, leisure-time decisions can fall into a sort of decision making default, where it's the last thing that gets attended to and all of a sudden August is looming or the kids are off to college and it just has never gotten done.  Particularly if neither partner is a Big Planner by disposition.  (This was happening to us early in our marriage.)  So the hotel cards work as a sort of automated directed-planner program, where by paying your utility bill and buying clothes for the kids you are automatically wracking up a half-plan to spend time together in some hotel somewhere.  Once you've racked up some points...if you're spontaneous types with flexibility in time, you can watch the last-minute flash deals in your area; if you long to see Seattle or somewhere that requires drive time and planning you'll have the hotel "budget" already banked which may give the planning malaise a bit of a boost.

(If planning malaise is part of your stumbling block as it was ours.  If not NM....   )

[Guest]

55 minutes ago, Pam in CT said:

re framing

I just love this.  I'm going to go somewhere new this week.

 

re directed decision making and forced planning:

I used to have this conversation with my husband as well.  The thing is, from a strictly cents-on-the-dollar perspective, cash back programs generally ARE the better financial deal, and you can spend the cash on whatever you want or need.  (Though: there are cards that give 2 and even 3% back on certain expenditure categories, so unwavering loyalty to a 1% card without looking around on occasion is maybe unwarranted.)

But that's not the only perspective.  Because it's not urgent, leisure-time decisions can fall into a sort of decision making default, where it's the last thing that gets attended to and all of a sudden August is looming or the kids are off to college and it just has never gotten done.  Particularly if neither partner is a Big Planner by disposition.  (This was happening to us early in our marriage.)  So the hotel cards work as a sort of automated directed-planner program, where by paying your utility bill and buying clothes for the kids you are automatically wracking up a half-plan to spend time together in some hotel somewhere.  Once you've racked up some points...if you're spontaneous types with flexibility in time, you can watch the last-minute flash deals in your area; if you long to see Seattle or somewhere that requires drive time and planning you'll have the hotel "budget" already banked which may give the planning malaise a bit of a boost.

(If planning malaise is part of your stumbling block as it was ours.  If not NM....   )

Totally true for me, too. My rewards card is Bank of America World Rewards and there are a lot of different things you can use points for, including gift cards for merchandis, but I like that I can use them for flights and hotels virtually anywhere in the world. Otherwise, a hotel in Paris just never seems like some5hing I can allow myself to purchase, but if it is saved-up points from buying groceries and ordinary things, it feels like a really terrific gift. I used entirely points for my flights to and from France and for both instances of hotel stays in Paris. It made it possible for me to quell the non-extravagant side of myself from just never going to France because it is TOO EXPENSIVE.