I feel doomed that I'll never travel again..and I'm bummed about it.

[Meadowlark]

You can see from my signature that I have 6 kids. This is the time of year that I always get bummed out seeing where other families go on summer vacation. The Facebook posts to Disney, Europe, the beach-even the one here about nature in Europe...all make me sad and wistful because we just can't afford to fly our family anywhere. We live smack in the middle of the Midwest and have done vacations in all directions. We don't do well in the car for that long so driving 21 hours to FL is not in the cards.  All of our trips have been fun, but I just long for more. I'd love to take my kids to see historical sights that we've studied, or just the beach. My husband and I can't even get away because we do not have a support system who can watch our kids for us. I'm 40 and my youngest is 10 months, so it seems like I'll be so old by the time we have an empty nest and can travel.

I don't know what I'm asking. I guess I wonder if other big families feel the way I do, and what they do about it. I am so grateful for all we have and love our big family, but traveling is the one thing I adore and I feel stuck. Maybe I just need to accept that there are sacrifices that need to be made, but I also wonder if there's something I'm missing or if there's anywhere we can make something work.

Oh, and we DO camp. I don't really consider that a vacation though.

Thanks in advance for any ideas or thoughts.

[Scarlett]

Heck I have two grown kids (17 and 18) and I feel like we will never get to do anything every again.  It is just so expensive....and yes it is difficult to see everyone's vacation pictures on FB.

Comparison is the thief of joy.  

[Twolittleboys]

Maybe consider doing some split trips when the kids are a bit older e.g. one year you take the three oldest somewhere for a week, the next year your dh takes the younger kids somewhere etc. This would be cheaper and everyone would get to travel occasionally.

[iamonlyone]

I don't know if you're a Christian household, but, if so, you might check out https://acandle.wildapricot.org/

Using this hospitality network would allow you to stay free, so maybe you could break a long driving trip into lots of short drives—without lots of added hotel expenses—if your kids would do better with that.

ETA: The organization is worldwide, too, so if you could save for plane tickets, this could help with housing costs.

[Stibalfamily]

I have been feeling this so badly right now too. My sister, with all our friends growing up went to Spain. They are all childless and good for them, they had fun. Then she went to Yosemite. My husband's family took a cruise to Alaska. So many of our friends are having these amazing vacations and honestly, it sucks. I need to stay away from social media because I don't think we can really go anywhere with a teething 7 month old, even if we can get Grandma and Grandpa to watch the boys. We can really only afford to go camping and its just such a hassle. I feel like we will never travel, but its the choice we made when I quit to stay home. Our income was cut in half and we knew that there were things that we would need to sacrifice in order for me to stay home and homeschool. I don't regret having kids or staying home, it was the trade off but I don't like seeing it all over my facebook page either. 

[SKL]

My folks had 6 kids.  They didn't get out much, but they did travel a few times - Mom went with her friends at one time, Dad went with his friends another time.  As a whole family, we were lucky to do some primitive camping and amusement parks.  ?

My dad wasn't a fan of traveling far, but my mom liked it.  So when I had the chance as an adult, I took her to some places.

[Loowit]

I don't have a big family, only 3 kids, but we have not done many vacations at all.  Our one trip to Disneyland was actually a work trip for DH that we tagged along for because they would pay for DH and I to go and there was a huge discount for the kids.  We did one road trip a few years ago that was fun, but it was just a long weekend.  The only other trip we just got back from was because MIL and FIL took the kids with them to where they are staying for the summer and DH took a day off and the weekend to go pick them up.  It was a lot of driving and a ferry ride.  We had fun, but not a family vacation really.

As a suggestion, if it helps, my DH's family one year decided to do a staycation, where they stayed home but did a different day activity/trip each day.  One day was a canoe trip, and I can't remember what else DH said they did, but it was all local and inexpensive.  I think each kid got to give a suggestion for an activity.

I would love to travel more, but the reality is we don't have the money or the time.  DH only gets so much time off a year and uses most of it for scout camps and doctor appointments.  I try not to be envious of others that take fabulous trips all the time and be happy with what we do have, but it is hard sometime.

[Lisa R.]

Would you consider going on a mini vacation with just one or two of your children and leaving the rest at home with your spouse? Then, it can be his turn with the other two old enough to travel at a later time. 

Having an outing with just one or two children is a really special memory. Going on a vacation with all six children would be a huge effort and, frankly, not very relaxing. Going with a smaller number is more manageable, more affordable and could be much more fun at this time.

I'd encourage you to plan a fun getaway with just a few of you.

[Guest]

I only have three kids and I have felt that way. A friend of mine is doing a big trip through the national parks with her family this year. That was a trip I always wanted to do with my kids but we could never get the logistics worked out. DH has never felt himself to be in a position to be gone for long enough to do that trip; we need absolutely no less than two weeks. We have never been anywhere together for two weeks. Not one time in 24 years of marriage. The longest trip we have taken as a family was 10 days for Disney. 

The first trip we had been on together without kids was a cruise to Alaska in 2011. There was a small window of time where our kids were old enough to not need intensive babysitting, but young enough that it wasn’t foolish to leave them, and we happened to have a good babysitting option for just that period of time when one of DH’s cousins and aunts was living with MIL. So the kids could stay there with MIl, but also with other younger adults who could spread out the care. 

Anyway - all that to say, I know what you mean. I have a strong instinct to travel and experience things but it is expensive, it requires logistics, and it doesn’t happen nearly as much as I would like. It is getting easier for me to be able to go certain places and do some things on my bucket list, but at the same time, it is becoming less likely that we can all do things as a family. Just the logistics for the two older kids alone erases weeks from the realm of possibility. 

I saw a little FB meme that said, “Once a year, go somewhere you have never been.” I like that, but I think of it as “once a month...” and it does not have to mean another country, or even state (although those things are lovely). It could be a bakery I just heard about that makes amazing homemade poptarts - yes! It could be an adventure I have never done, like a zipline or a Halloween ghostwalk. 

Just remember there are seasons. There may be some things you will never do, but that doesn’t mean you’ll never do anything. 

[Lawyer&Mom]

I’m feeling this way and I have two kids.  Everyone keeps asking me if I have summer plans, and we really should!  The kids are almost 3 and 5, we could afford doing something, but I’m just exhausted and there is laundry and isn’t it okay if we just take the kids to the park for a picnic?  I don’t feel like I can mentally handle the logistics of anything more ambitious.  (Someone please tell me this is a season. My parents are going to Spain for a wedding and I wanted to cry.)

[scholastica]

We've done staycations before. The thing that really helped it feel like a vacation was eating out as much as possible. Then we didn't have to cook or clean up from cooking. The kids loved it. I understand the feeling you are having. This year was the first time in 3 years we took a real vacation that wasn't just to visit my parents, which is no vacation. It was hard those years. We did do a staycation in there and that helped. My youngest is 11 now and the kids are all really good roadtrippers now. It's awesome.  I have a friend with many children (like >10 children) and one of them takes a few kids at a time on vacation. It works out well. Hang in there in the meantime. You will travel again. 

[catz]

If it's really hard for you to see other's vacation photos, there is a mode on FB where you can just unfollow someone for 30 days.  

I only have 2 kids and we traveled a little when our kids were very young but I have mixed feelings about it. It was exhausting and not nearly as fun as travel before we had kids or travel with older kids.  Disney is a highly overrated vacation to me (sorry!).  I have fun there for a day or 2 with the kids and then I'm just over the same ole same ole, expense, crowds, heat, whining about wanting objects X,Y,Z, etc.  We have close relatives in the Orlando area, so we've done it a couple times but it wouldn't be a first choice for me.   Once my kids were about 5, road trips became pretty comfortable and we have driven almost coast to coast from the midwest.  I enjoyed National Parks road trips MUCH more than Disney trips and they were a fraction of the price.  Hang in there.  And don't assume the smiling pictures on social media show all the ups and downs of traveling with littles.  I only post vacation pix I want to see a year later.  LOL.  

Now that I have teens I really get the expression "The days are long, but the years are short".  I love the idea of staycation exploration and we did do some of that when our kids were little.  DH and I go explore new restaurants and tap rooms and events  on our date nights now that we have teens.  Embrace the season you're in!

[PeterPan]

I unfollow anyone who posts pics of trips that make me feel that way. There was this one person that was constantly posting pics of really high end vacations as if they were normal, basically bragging, and I was like fine, done with you. 

FB is sick sometimes, mentally unhealthy. There are plenty of studies now linking FB time to depression. Unfollow the people and be happier. If something is really terribly important (someone in their family DIED, whatever), it will make its way back around to you.

As far as Disney, well I finally got to go at age 41. It was awesome. I don't know, like if you were to say would I trade Disney for 4 more kids, lol. Used to be I would have said sure, give me the kids. Now that I'm 42 and a little more tired (post rough winter with pneumonia and bronchitis), I dno't know. But just in general, I'd like to think I'd rather have the kids. There are ways to do Disney on the cheap, but your kids are close together. I wouldn't take most of your kids anyway. LIke IF you really felt this need to do it, only take the 3 oldest and only take them like 2-3 days total. Stay off-property in a condo, and one parent goes in and the other parent does pool duty with the girls. It would be expensive, but not as horrifically expensive as it could be. Crockpot dinner and only eat lunch on-property. Then when 6/5/1 get bigger, rinse and repeat. That would be my two cents. But you might even ask the boys if they care. Like price it out. I'll bet if you asked 11/9/7 whether they want $1500 to go on a week of camping/rafting or 3 days at Disney, they might want something else. Then your mom guilt would be assuaged. Or maybe not. But maybe I'm a grouch. To me Disney with littles doesn't sound fun. But if YOU wanna go, you should do it. Like only take your 6 yo when she turns 7 and make it a girl rite of passage or something. One child, 3 days, boom. You can stay off-property for $86 a night at the Hyatt and uber in. It's really doable.

And that's what some of my relatives with more kids do. They take individual kids and do trips.

[teachermom2834]

A couple thoughts. I know this is a hugely unpopular idea but we have done a 10 yo trip for each kid to Wash DC. We wanted to go when oldest was 10 yo but the cost and logistics of a family of six of varying ages to DC was way out of reach. So we made a “10 yo trip” tradition. Dh has taken each kid and they have been able to run, run, run, and see more in 2 full days than our big family could have in a week. They could get a smaller room, had more flexibility with meals, etc. Of course we miss the family memories of doing it all together but that was just never going to happen.

Dh and I both had some road trips one on one with a kid (or sometimes 2). College visits, sporting or academic events, etc. 

I have done some overnights with friends. Dh and I never had babysitters and the cost was just for one of us. He got to travel for work and didn’t mind me going off with a friend for a couple nights.

My oldest kids are in college now and may or may not ever travel with the family again. They have their own lives and schedules. I do not regret taking opportunities for travel even when the whole family could not go. We had a few family vacations through the years and when I look back on their childhoods it was enough to have some nice times and memories.

I feel your pain, though. It is so expensive to take a big family to a movie, let alone a great vacation. My advice is to look for opportunities to have some getaways even if they are not ones that can include the whole family. That is what we have ended up settling for here and it is far better than nothing in my opinion.

 

 

[marbel]

Aw, I know the feeling.

We have had periods when we could travel more freely.  The last several years, due to finances, we have not traveled much. But we have found ways to have fun.

One of our best vacations was a staycation.  We were on our way to a family reunion when our car broke down 100 miles from home. We opted to have it towed back to our regular mechanic as it looked serious (transmission fluid spewing out of the vehicle).  (BTW thanks to AAA the cost of the tow did not bankrupt us.)   We didn't bother leaving 2 days later when the car was fixed, but explored our own area. We found some really neat places we'd never ever heard of.  It was really relaxing because we didn't have a ton of driving and we could eat out more freely because we weren't paying for lodging or gas for a 1500 mile drive.  

We also have had some great trips staying in cabins in our own State parks. Cheap, out in the woods, so much fun and so relaxing. Like camping only easier!

You may or may not have chances in the future to travel. A friend of mine never got to travel but now that her nest is empty, she goes along with her husband on work trips and has been to Australia, New Zealand, and a few places in Europe. She waited a long time for that. Try not to let others' trips and such get you down.  At FuzzyCatz said, you can stop seeing those posts if they make you feel unhappy with your life.

(hugs)

ETA re: Disney.  Disney is a popular destination for people in my area.  I've been to Disneyland in Cali several times (not in the last 30+ years) and my husband went to Disney World a few times (he lived in FL).  At one point a couple years ago we started to feel bad not taking our kids - like they were missing out on some iconic American experience - so we asked them if they wanted to go.  They both said no; they weren't interested. They don't love Disney movies or products. One of my kids is majorly creeped out by people dressed as nonhuman characters.  They said they'd rather go stay in a cabin in the woods, or maybe combine that with a trip to Hershey park to ride roller coasters.  When they are adults, they will be free to go.  Lots of people discover Disney for the first time as adults; it's fine and it's also fine never to go.  

 

 

[TheReader]

(((Hugs))) 

A lot of great things have been said already, so I'll try not to duplicate except to say I totally "second" the comments about this being a season; give it a few years and your kids will be older and better able to car travel. Definitely. 

Once that time hits, some broken up car trips can be great fun. We make road trips more interesting by only stopping for "local" food in each state we go through (so, either what that state is known for, if there is such a thing, or definitely not a chain restaurant that we have back home). We look up interesting stops in each place, we choose a hotel at the "time to stop for the night" place so that neither day of driving is insanely long (and if doing that is horribly expensive, oftentimes by the way home everyone's so ready to be home that you can power through a longer day in the car and make it home). We plan inexpensive or free things to do in the places we're going, if we're going to spend $$$ on the way out. Or we pack snacks/lunches to save money on the way out and be able to afford the specific activity we want to do when we get where we're going. In other words, maybe not right now with little tiny ones, but there will be ways you guys can get further away from home one day even without flying. 

For the beach...maybe look at lake beaches instead? Are there some options like that nearer to you than 20 hrs to FL? Or straight-across coastal areas rather than diagonal down to FL? Maybe won't be the tropical white sand blue water beach, but would still give you the play in the water, build sand castles, relax at the shore experience. 

 

[Momto6inIN]

1 hour ago, Meadowlark said:

 

Oh, and we DO camp. I don't really consider that a vacation though.

 

Gently, because I know exactly how you feel, because many times over the past 20 years of marriage camping with all our 5 kids was the only vacation we could afford ... maybe this isn't a problem about not being able to travel but about your expectations of a what "vacation" looks like. To me, a vacation is a break from my day to day routine experiencing new sights and sounds with the people I love best in the world, not glamour shots of the biggest and best hotels and exotic locations. I sure wouldn't mind that type of vacation ? and occasionally we've even been able to take one, but that isn't what makes a trip a "vacation" to me.

We live in the Midwest and have camped in many National Parks -  Mammoth Cave, Smoky Mountains, Rocky Mountains, Acadia, and others. All beautiful locations that many people don't appreciate because they aren't "exotic" but we have very cherished memories of them. We also have camped in regular old Indiana State Park campgrounds and my kids cherish those memories just as much as they cherish the ones of the bigger National Parks. I'd be willing to bet that your kids feel the same.

[Katy]

Traveling with infants is really hard. In 5 years it will be much easier.

You can also strap them in the car at night (half an hour before bedtime) and drive at night if the adults can easily adjust to that. Or if you're an early morning family you can get up at 2:30, put the kids in the pre-packed car, and let them keep sleeping while you drive. You can get to at least Nashville before stopping to spend one night in a hotel.

I don't know how to make Disney tickets less expensive short of moving to Florida though.

[Momto6inIN]

3 minutes ago, TheReader said:

 

For the beach...maybe look at lake beaches instead? Are there some options like that nearer to you than 20 hrs to FL? Or straight-across coastal areas rather than diagonal down to FL? Maybe won't be the tropical white sand blue water beach, but would still give you the play in the water, build sand castles, relax at the shore experience. 

 

We camped in Michigan near Ludington State Park and the beach was every bit as exciting to our kids as the FL beach! That's in the Midwest and maybe not a far drive?

[Katy]

Oh, and we've counted beach camping as a vacation when we were pressed for time.  It's not perfect because you still have the drive, and if there's a big storm & flood warning you might need an emergency night in a hotel ($$), but it does let you get away. There's beach camping near Pensacola, which is probably 18ish hours from you.  And a ton in Texas.

[mommyoffive]

We have five and we can afford to fly, but we travel hack to make vacations more frequent  or just to save the money.  Is traveling with a big family easy?  Not all the time, but I am so glad we do it.   Having the memories of seeing what we have together is amazing.  And honestly it gets easier every time.  We get experience on the best ways for us to get used to jet lag.  We pick up more local lang.  We get better a packing.  They kids get to be better travelers. 

I know we could wait.  But what if our health isn't there in a decade?  We wanted to go now.  I am not into driving long distances.  I would only want to drive a few hours a day and then the cost of hotels and time ends up being what it would be to fly.  So we fly.  We have traveled a lot domestically and are ticking off our international places now.  

I listened to all the people for years saying, don't travel with young kids.  Don't travel because your family is to big.  But I am so glad I found a mom who online who showed me the way.  Traveling over seas doesn't have to be as expensive any more.  You can stay in hostels there.  You can get tickets to Europe for $200-$300 bucks.  You can open a few credit cards and get enough points to have your whole family there.  And you can do it for the hotels or airbnbs too.  This stuff works.  I wish that I would have tried it sooner because we would have jumped off the ledge sooner.  You can travel for free or just the taxes on tickets.   Are there places you want to go? 

We have done disney a few times and it was ok.  But not making it on my list to do again.  

You can make it happen.  There is more than one way.

Travel hacking

getting great deals on tickets

hostel 

some people travel and dog sit at homes and then get free places to stay

go on a trip instead of christmas presents or something.  (we do that and it isn't much more expensive than doing christmas)

I would rather have the memories of traveling than a house filled with more toys. I don't want to wait until they are all big, then some are in college.  I don't want to wait and see if dh and i are both healthy in 15 years.  I don't regret the $ , time, and effort that we have put into to travel.  To us it is really important to experience the world with them. Life is too short.

 

If you are into hacking I can give you a bit of head start on how to do it where to look.  It doesn't take long to earn free tickets. 

[itsheresomewhere]

Any chance there is a nice hotel with a water park or nice pool near you?  That could be what you need to feel an escape and be affordable for your family.  Even Groupon could have few things that could give you that escape.  

[ashfern]

We've gone through seasons where we couldn't afford to travel. We did a lot of state parks and day trips. Our big trips to Disney & Universal have been gifts from the grands. They decided that they wanted to give the kids an experience instead of more toys & junk.

[fairfarmhand]

1 hour ago, Lawyer&Mom said:

I’m feeling this way and I have two kids.  Everyone keeps asking me if I have summer plans, and we really should!  The kids are almost 3 and 5, we could afford doing something, but I’m just exhausted and there is laundry and isn’t it okay if we just take the kids to the park for a picnic?  I don’t feel like I can mentally handle the logistics of anything more ambitious.  (Someone please tell me this is a season. My parents are going to Spain for a wedding and I wanted to cry.)

Yes! It is a season. I was not a very good mom to preschoolers. I like bigger kids. And you can do different fun stuff with bigger kids. I was just like you! And I felt so inferior when my friend with tots were doing what looked cool, but I knew would be lots of frustration for me and my kids.

[Momto6inIN]

I also remind myself when I start feeling envious of other people's exotic travels that it's extremely likely that a high percentage of them are also drowning in debt. That's not very noble of me, I know, but it makes my paid for cheap vacations look better in comparison ?

[PinkyandtheBrains.]

18 minutes ago, Momto5inIN said:

I also remind myself when I start feeling envious of other people's exotic travels that it's extremely likely that a high percentage of them are also drowning in debt. That's not very noble of me, I know, but it makes my paid for cheap vacations look better in comparison ?

 

Or they follow the deal blogs to get crazy good prices along the way.

[PinkyandtheBrains.]

 

 

If if you really want to do exotic travel with kids you can look for family exchanges and workaways. There are options for families and can help reduce costs significantly.

[Serenade]

I always dreamed of taking my kids on big vacations, too, but it's not going to happen. 

We have had some pretty cool camping vacations, though, including one to Canada.  I have found that if you look hard enough, you can almost always find a campground near a touristy destination, and some even provide transportation to the city.  For example, we camped around New Orleans, and the campground had a shuttle that took us into the city.  

This summer we're taking a camping trip to the NE, and my younger son really wanted to see Boston, but I couldn't find any campgrounds that provided transportation or that were near a subway/train.  However, we're camping on Winter Island Park in Salem, MA, and Salem has a boat that you can take directly to Boston for a reasonable fee. 

We also sometimes camp at "Camping Resorts."  No, it's not the same as a hotel, but often they have a lot of fun activities and nice pools which make it feel like a hotel vacation. 

Anyhow, these are just some ideas that you might want to consider. 

 

[City Mouse]

Can you combine your camping trips with some travel? That is what my parents did (had 5 kids). A travel trailer makes this easier than tent camping. We would camp at state parks or near historical sites. The one time my parents did take us to Disney, we stayed in our camper and drove in each morning. Have I got the camper kitchen makes eating cheaper.

i don't think we started the camping though until my youngest brother was 5 or 6 years old. 

I only have two kids, and we have traveled a lot at different t times, but once my youngest started walking he was a terrible traveler, and we didn't go more that 2hrs from home for several years. So maybe this travel thing is something you can work toward as the kids get a bit older.

[catz]

43 minutes ago, Momto5inIN said:

I also remind myself when I start feeling envious of other people's exotic travels that it's extremely likely that a high percentage of them are also drowning in debt. That's not very noble of me, I know, but it makes my paid for cheap vacations look better in comparison ?

Well, that might make you feel better but we don't take any vacations we can't pay for in cash.  Our only debt is our mortgage and that will be paid off within the year.  I'm not saying there aren't plenty of people living beyond their means out there but I don't think everyone taking vacations that look exotic is necessarily living on the edge.  We scrimped so I could take one kid to Italy 2 years ago and we're doing it again so I can take the other to Spain.   And we don't use Go Fund Me either.  LOL.  (a pet peeve of mine!)  ?

[SanDiegoMom]

I know how it feels.  I have a close relative who is just a few years older than I and they were making a lot of money and going on nice vacations every year while we were just making our military moves into a vacation.  Not only that, but they had season passes to the biggest theme parks, constantly spent weekends at luxury hotels, and always flew first class since the husband got so many travel miles.  Then they changed jobs and their income was cut by a third. We finally went on a cruise to Alaska (the bill footed by my parents!) and my relative said disparangingly "Wow, Alaskan cruise. That must be nice for you."  Lol. There was a lot of resentment and probably fear at the change in lifestyle. 

  

[mommyoffive]

1 minute ago, FuzzyCatz said:

Well, that might make you feel better but we don't take any vacations we can't pay for in cash.  Our only debt is our mortgage and that will be paid off within the year.  I'm not saying there aren't plenty of people living beyond their means out there but I don't think everyone taking vacations that look exotic is necessarily living on the edge.  We scrimped so I could take one kid to Italy 2 years ago and we're doing it again so I can take the other to Spain.   And we don't use Go Fund Me either.  LOL.  (a pet peeve of mine!)  ?

Us too.  And we max out retirement savings. 

We don't carry a balance on any of our credit cards.  Not a cent.

 

[Momto6inIN]

1 hour ago, PinkyandtheBrains. said:

 

Or they follow the deal blogs to get crazy good prices along the way.

 

41 minutes ago, FuzzyCatz said:

Well, that might make you feel better but we don't take any vacations we can't pay for in cash.  Our only debt is our mortgage and that will be paid off within the year.  I'm not saying there aren't plenty of people living beyond their means out there but I don't think everyone taking vacations that look exotic is necessarily living on the edge.  We scrimped so I could take one kid to Italy 2 years ago and we're doing it again so I can take the other to Spain.   And we don't use Go Fund Me either.  LOL.  (a pet peeve of mine!)  ?

 

37 minutes ago, mommyoffive said:

Us too.  And we max out retirement savings. 

We don't carry a balance on any of our credit cards.  Not a cent.

 

I meant to sound funny and flip, so sorry if it came off as petty and snarky instead ... no offense intended!

I *do* realize that many people live within their means and look for deals and only take vacations they can afford! It's just that I know so many more of the other type ? 

[HollyDay]

We have been trying to take a vacation for years!  Every time we set money and time aside for it, something happens.  Like, really happens.....a friend died, a relative died, dh found out he had cancer.  Big stuff....and time and money went to those things. 

[rebcoola]

I don't have a big family but I feel the same way.   We were planning a trip to Disney in January but I am pregnant and due the week it was planned.  We were also planning a big trip to visit missionary friends in Nicaragua that will have to be put off or down to big kids and dad.  It just seems like stuff always happens to mess up our plans.

[TABmom]

We have not done any exotic travel, but we've done plenty (imo) of not too long distance travel. Every single time my kids favorite thing is the pool at the hotel. Every. Time. Also, if this helps out things in perspective- my 10 yo d's has a friend spending the night tonight. They did a few things, but mostly played video games (which I usually limit) We hit the dollar store for movie snacks and both boys declared this was the best day of their lives. Playing video games, eating junk food, watching dumb movies. You don't need fancy or expensive to make great memories. 

[lovinmyboys]

Hugs. As others have said, you probably aren’t doomed to never travel again.

If you haven’t been to Indiana state parks they are really good. We don’t usually camp, so we stay at a cabin and I considered it a vacation.  My kids also loved Jellystone by Mammorh cave. When we lived in the Midwest we enjoyed Indianapolis, Cincinnati, Kansas City, St Louis, and Chicago. We always just stayed in one hotel room. I didn’t know there were limits and no one ever said anything to us. 

We also do individual trips for birthdays. Maybe when the baby gets a little older you can take just one or two of your older kids somewhere. 

I never went on a vacation as a kid and I still feel like I had a great childhood. 

 

 

[importswim]

2 hours ago, PinkyandtheBrains. said:

 

Or they follow the deal blogs to get crazy good prices along the way.

Or they work for the airlines and get free standby flights ? The most exotic place I've been though is Cincinnati over Christmas to visit DH since he had to work. I did take some pics of my kids lying on the carpet at the airport because our flight was delayed.

 

I don't think it's good to imagine that those who have more money than us that get to have all of these fabulous things/vacations, etc... are drowning in debt. There's always going to be someone who has more money than you, or even has the same but they make different choices with it. Try not to compare and be happy for them that they get to travel rather than look at it with envy. If travel is important to you try to work in little trips when you can. It doesn't have to be extravagant! I'm so sorry that you feel it's not going to happen in this season and it bums you out. I canunderstand that.  Is there something small you can plan?

[TABmom]

I have to comment on this. Camping is not a vacation for me because it's even more work than I usually have to do. When you spend your days cooking and cleaning, doing it with less labor saving devices like a dishwasher, more dirt to clean, cooking is more difficult, tiny kids have to be watched even closer in unfamiliar locations.....after all of that, I need a vacation to recover from the "vacation".Camping can be great if it's what you want to do/where you want to be (I would rather be in nature than tourist traps) but I can't bring myself to call it a vacation. I think it is still a good experience for the kids, it's great to be in nature.... Maybe it's a vaca for the rest of the family, but not for the mama!

6 hours ago, Momto5inIN said:

Gently, because I know exactly how you feel, because many times over the past 20 years of marriage camping with all our 5 kids was the only vacation we could afford ... maybe this isn't a problem about not being able to travel but about your expectations of a what "vacation" looks like. To me, a vacation is a break from my day to day routine experiencing new sights and sounds with the people I love best in the world, not glamour shots of the biggest and best hotels and exotic locations. I sure wouldn't mind that type of vacation ? and occasionally we've even been able to take one, but that isn't what makes a trip a "vacation" to me.

We live in the Midwest and have camped in many National Parks -  Mammoth Cave, Smoky Mountains, Rocky Mountains, Acadia, and others. All beautiful locations that many people don't appreciate because they aren't "exotic" but we have very cherished memories of them. We also have camped in regular old Indiana State Park campgrounds and my kids cherish those memories just as much as they cherish the ones of the bigger National Parks. I'd be willing to bet that your kids feel the same.

 

[Twolittleboys]

Also remember that people have to make choices. We do travel a lot (or we did - cutting down a bit) but we live pretty frugally otherwise. We don't have a house but live in a smallish rented apartment. We don't have a car. I haven't been to a single concert in my life and have been to the movies about 5 times in the last 16 years. I wear clothes that I have had for 16+ years. I sleep on a pull-out couch that is pretty much falling apart. And that is fine - my priorities are education, books, toys, travel.

All this just to say that others may travel more but there are bound to be things that you have that they would be envious of. I'd love to have a daughter (or a husband for that matter) but we all have to make the best out of what we do have/can get. Try to focus on what you have more than on what you are missing out on (though I really do understand missing travel).

[Bluegoat]

I sometimes feel like this, but I try to be pretty strict with myself about it.  My sister, and my cousin, both without kids, travel quite a lot.  I've traveled very little, mostly to see family.  I'm having my first real airplane travel vacation this summer, without dh and kids.  I'm 41.  I have doubts about whether I'll have another vacation like this.

The thing is, I'm not sure that things like airplane vacations and international vacations should be things that are very frequent.  They seem to be now, they were for a while when I was a kid.  Back a generation though, middle class people with families took trips in cars to a vacation area nearby, and they thought it was a good holiday.  Airplane travel has an enormous carbon footprint.  For me, I look at that outsized impact ecologically and what it means for individuals is that this is not something I should expect to be a regular thing.  It's like a high calorie treat.

The trouble of course is expectations.  When it becomes normal for people to have these holidays, it no longer seems so great to load up the old fake-wood station wagon and camp, or drive to the local seaside or lake resort.  And FB tends to make it worse (though I don't resent people's pictures, it's a good way to share vacation photos with people who like to look at such things.)

[marbel]

5 hours ago, Twolittleboys said:

<snip>

All this just to say that others may travel more but there are bound to be things that you have that they would be envious of. I'd love to have a daughter (or a husband for that matter) but we all have to make the best out of what we do have/can get. Try to focus on what you have more than on what you are missing out on (though I really do understand missing travel).

 

So true.

When I was in my 20s and 30s, I was single and was able to do things my married-with-kids friends didn't.  So they envied me my freedom but guess what, I envied them their spouses and kids.  And I bet there is at least one person (probably more) in your life who looks at your large family and thinks how lucky/blessed you are to have all those kids. 

I'm not chastising anyone; I get it; I feel envy too.  And honestly it does not help me feel better to think the worst of people who do have things I'd like to have (or get to do things I'd like to do).

[Carrie12345]

Eh.  Part of me hates that my kids haven't really traveled/vacationed. Like, really hates it.  But then I think about all of the things I would need to cut from our regular life in order to make that happen.  Do I really want to take away things that are important to us 50 weeks a year for 2 weeks of escape from those 50 weeks?  No.

(Could I use 2 weeks away from trying to produce happy, healthy, enriched childhoods 50 weeks a year?  Heck yeah, lol. The "baby" will hit 18 when I'm 52, though.  It'll happen.)

[shawthorne44]

 

It might help to remember that life isn't as rosy as it looks.  For example, I used to have a friend that looked from the outside like one of these people that other moms envied.  Her husband has a job that everyone knows makes really nice money.  They take multiple fancy vacations a year.  For example a Disney cruise as a family and then at least one other vacation that year.  But, she works and she HATES her job.   We met when both pregnant and both wanted to homechool our kids.    But, she kept working to pay for this expensive home project she wanted.   Then she NEEDED to take a vacation from the stress of her job.  Then she needed to keep working to pay for the expensive vacation.   Then she had to send her child to a nice private school because she couldn't homeschool.   Then she needed to keep working to pay for the private school, and the expensive vacations.   

There are probably few examples as extreme and straight-forward as that.   But, where does the money come for these vacations?  Maybe both parents work, and have the stress of that.   Maybe they are in debt and going deeper.    

 

[Katy]

Yeah, my friends that post show-off vacations multiple times a year have other issues.  Unhappy, resentful relationships with their kids.  Deep insecurity.  Social issues at school that we avoid with home school. I'll gladly choose our problems over theirs.

[Momto6inIN]

8 hours ago, TABmom said:

I have to comment on this. Camping is not a vacation for me because it's even more work than I usually have to do. When you spend your days cooking and cleaning, doing it with less labor saving devices like a dishwasher, more dirt to clean, cooking is more difficult, tiny kids have to be watched even closer in unfamiliar locations.....after all of that, I need a vacation to recover from the "vacation".Camping can be great if it's what you want to do/where you want to be (I would rather be in nature than tourist traps) but I can't bring myself to call it a vacation. I think it is still a good experience for the kids, it's great to be in nature.... Maybe it's a vaca for the rest of the family, but not for the mama!

 

 

If mama is the one stuck doing all the work, then no it's not a lot of fun. But I don't cook at all when we camp - either we eat ready to eat no cook meals or my husband takes a turn with cooking. Because, you know, fire and stuff ? and he'd be bored sitting around the campsite with nothing to do but watch me cook. And we all pitch in to do dishes, even the toddlers, or we use paper plates. I lower my cleanliness standards and don't clean at all when camping other than a daily shower ? Yes, it's harder to watch young kids in an unfamiliar situation, but that would be true no matter where you go on vacation, including and maybe even especially places like Disney. And there's lots of laundry when you get home, but that's true no matter where you go as well. I know camping isn't for everybody, and that's fine, it doesn't have to be! Different strokes for different folks. I was simply commenting that if someone *is* taking camping trips, as the OP said, but still doesn't feel like they've traveled anywhere, then maybe it's time to re-evaluate their expectations.

[Momto6inIN]

10 hours ago, importswim said:

Or they work for the airlines and get free standby flights ? The most exotic place I've been though is Cincinnati over Christmas to visit DH since he had to work. I did take some pics of my kids lying on the carpet at the airport because our flight was delayed.

 

I don't think it's good to imagine that those who have more money than us that get to have all of these fabulous things/vacations, etc... are drowning in debt. There's always going to be someone who has more money than you, or even has the same but they make different choices with it. Try not to compare and be happy for them that they get to travel rather than look at it with envy. If travel is important to you try to work in little trips when you can. It doesn't have to be extravagant! I'm so sorry that you feel it's not going to happen in this season and it bums you out. I canunderstand that.  Is there something small you can plan?

 

2 hours ago, marbel said:

 

So true.

When I was in my 20s and 30s, I was single and was able to do things my married-with-kids friends didn't.  So they envied me my freedom but guess what, I envied them their spouses and kids.  And I bet there is at least one person (probably more) in your life who looks at your large family and thinks how lucky/blessed you are to have all those kids. 

I'm not chastising anyone; I get it; I feel envy too.  And honestly it does not help me feel better to think the worst of people who do have things I'd like to have (or get to do things I'd like to do).

I worded my post badly. I wasn't actually meaning that I make myself feel better by thinking badly about other people or that the OP should. I was trying to say in a funny way that didn't turn out so funny that you never know what other things are going badly in those people's lives and even if they take exotic vacations and you don't, it doesn't mean their life is any better than yours. In fact, yours might be better.

[Granny_Weatherwax]

Some rambling thoughts while I drink tea-

I, too, fall into the FB envy trap. DH and I only have two children and we weren't able to travel much at all when they were little. Any 'vacation' we did take was back home to visit family. We moved away and so the pressure was on us to return. I never considered those real vacations but it's what we did for 15 years. We have never been to Disney as a family; nor did we really want to as being with thousands of other people and standing in line for shows and rides just didn't appeal to us. Both children were able to have exposure to Disney at least by being in the high school marching band and going to FL to be in a Disney parade. they both said it wasn't much fun, though, due to schedules and the number of people there.

DH and I have never traveled out of the USA and neither of us have passports. I have planned trips (like my ill fated AT thru hike) but have not been able to complete them. For the AT, my DS had an opportunity to study in Japan and the $ I had saved for the AT was almost the exact amount he needed. I let him have his experience. Now, I am working full time and cannot foresee me having 6 months off for many, many years.

DH and I take mini vacations; at least vacations are what we call them. Last week we drove to Minnesota, a state we had never been to, and took our bikes and biked on the Paul Bunyon Trail. We began at the trail head and would ride until we were tired (lots of loops since we had to ride back to our truck), find a hotel, ride the next day, find a hotel... The day it rained we drove down to St. Paul and found all sorts of fun free things to do (the zoo is free). We ate in local restaurants (no chains) and frequented antique stores and craft shops when we needed to stretch. We went from the woods, to the bog, to the prairie. Rode along lake shores and through small towns. Met many wonderful people (if you get a chance go to Luverne, MN; the people there are wonderfully hospitable and kind and have the world's third largest collection of nutcrackers)

We, too, live in the Midwest and are finding that there are lots of things to do in the area. Sometimes we just have to look a little deeper. Then again, I never traveled as a child either (I grew up quite poor and my life revolved around the 5 mile radius of our home; quite sad really since I grew up in CO and there is so much to see and do there) so everything is new to me. 

Camping- I'm not sure I call camping a vacation either because it is work. But it is pleasurable and relaxing and I find myself being able to reset after a couple of nights spent camping. But I don't have a young family so there is that.

 

[marbel]

18 minutes ago, Momto5inIN said:

 

I worded my post badly. I wasn't actually meaning that I make myself feel better by thinking badly about other people or that the OP should. I was trying to say in a funny way that didn't turn out so funny that you never know what other things are going badly in those people's lives and even if they take exotic vacations and you don't, it doesn't mean their life is any better than yours. In fact, yours might be better.

I didn't mean to pick on you. There were other posts that seemed to reflect the same sentiment.  I just think comparing lives and weighing where someone else's is better or worse than mine is not helpful.  It doesn't make me feel any better, anyway.  I find it more helpful to think in terms of generalities, like "I don't have this, but I have this, and it's a good trade-off for me (or "this is just the way it is right now but someday it might be different," or similar).  

[Granny_Weatherwax]

25 minutes ago, Momto5inIN said:

 

I worded my post badly. I wasn't actually meaning that I make myself feel better by thinking badly about other people or that the OP should. I was trying to say in a funny way that didn't turn out so funny that you never know what other things are going badly in those people's lives and even if they take exotic vacations and you don't, it doesn't mean their life is any better than yours. In fact, yours might be better.

If it's any consolation, Momto5, I took it as tongue in cheek. Probably because I do the same thing, especially with the folks who take multiple vacations and seem to post "here I am sitting in a lounge chair with a mimosa" once a month.