Age for cell phone?

[Janeway]

14 yr old wants a cell phone and 16 yr old does not have one and has not asked for one. 16 yr old is in a classical education high school which has a very veery strict cell phone policy. As a result, cell phone asking has not been an issue. However, 14 yr old is still at home and his friends at dance all have cell phones. I am having a lot of frustration over trying to pick up 16 yr old and not finding him. He is quite involved at school and is with this teacher or that or over at the gym with friends or in the library. He has ASD and I would like to see him more social. 

 

At this point, should I suck it up and get them cell phones? I saw a sale for iphone SE for free with a plan.  Is it time?

 

edited to add: 14 yr old might be starting public school this fall. So there might  be issues there. However, he still has the cell phone that only connects to wifi. 

[regentrude]

I don't see what the big deal is with kids having a cell phone. If it makes life easier for coordinating, picking up, travel, just get one. Mine got cheap prepaid dumb phones when they were 10 and 12. You can get inexpensive smart phones (with or without data if that's a concern), and without a plan.

 

[Ethel Mertz]

Sounds like it's time. Our 15 year old just got one so he could let us know when he's ready to be picked up from his latest athletic obsession.

[SKL]

Yes, I think it is time.  I got my kids theirs for their 10th birthdays.  So far we haven't had any of the problems people warn about with phones.  I collect them (and other items) at bedtime so the kids are not tempted to stay up late fooling around on electronics.

[dirty ethel rackham]

I think the appropriate age is different for different families.  We did cell phones when our kids started to do outside activities (not just at other people's houses) where I needed to coordinate picking up and dropping off and changes of plans.  But those were cheap flip phones that didn't do much fun stuff.  It was a convenience for me so that I could have multiple kids in different activities and not have to stay.  My older kids got one at about 14, mostly because they types of activities they were involved in did not necessitate a phone.  But dd got one when she was 12.  she was commuting to practice in the city and we had a carpool that needed to be flexible.  My older kids got smart phones before they went to college ... it functioned as a phone, GPS device, music player, etc..  Dd got one when she was 15 because she needed to coordinate things with other friends and families and the cheap flip phones didn't do group texting.  She paid half.  

ETA:  If I were making that decision today, we would have gotten them younger.  It was really about when we needed that communication.  We did it when the need arose and when it made sense.

[itsheresomewhere]

Both of my kids have one.  DS for one of when he was 15 and DD was 10.  They take them when they are out away from us.  It has helped so much including when DD was at a meeting and some of the kids were not being kind to her. She was able to go to the bathroom, text me and I called the leader to say I was coming to pick her up and early.  DD has loaded hers with a ton of audio books so it is always playing one on her room. 

For both-  I have their email on my phone and they know I will check it at any time.  Same with text messages.  Plus, they both know we will revoke the phone privilege if they are getting out of hand.

[regentrude]

5 minutes ago, dirty ethel rackham said:

ETA:  If I were making that decision today, we would have gotten them younger.  It was really about when we needed that communication.  We did it when the need arose and when it made sense.

This. 

Like with any other item I purchase for my kids: it is time when they need it. Shoes, climbing gear, bathing suit, computer, cell phone...

[marbel]

It's time when you find you/your kids need it.

My daughter got on at 11 because she was babysitting and by then very few of the moms she sat for had landlines. She needed a communication tool.  My son, who is older, got one later because he didn't need one.  When he did, we got one.

Cellphones are tools like any other tool.  There's no specific right time  to buy one that fits every individual or family.

[Pawz4me]

Ours had basic dumb phones around 10 or 11, whenever they were old enough to stay home alone. Even at that point (they're 22 and 19 now) we hadn't had a land line in years and years. That was back when many adults still had dumb phones. If it were now and they were those ages I'd probably go ahead and get them smart phones. We aren't anti-screen by any stretch of the imagination.

[theelfqueen]

My 17 year old is still using a dumb phone LOL He will probably get a smart phone later this year and pass said dumb phone down to 13 year old brother.

 

[vonfirmath]

44 minutes ago, Janeway said:

14 yr old wants a cell phone and 16 yr old does not have one and has not asked for one. 16 yr old is in a classical education high school which has a very veery strict cell phone policy. As a result, cell phone asking has not been an issue. However, 14 yr old is still at home and his friends at dance all have cell phones. I am having a lot of frustration over trying to pick up 16 yr old and not finding him. He is quite involved at school and is with this teacher or that or over at the gym with friends or in the library. He has ASD and I would like to see him more social. 

 

At this point, should I suck it up and get them cell phones? I saw a sale for iphone SE for free with a plan.  Is it time?

 

My son is getting a (basic) cell phone this year (For his 11th birthday) because he will be getting himself to and from school on his own. I want him able to contact us if there are problems and for me to contact him when necessary. This is a perfect reason to get a cellphone

[gardenmom5]

for me, there isn't a flat age - it's about their responsibility level.  their activities.  friends having cell phones is irrelevant (if it's just  to talk to friends - that is a reason to not have one). .  .   (dudeling (13) has 1ds's old phone - it is not on any plan, and he relies upon wi-fi so he can't make calls (he has msgd ds).  he mostly uses it as a kindle.)   1ds has occasionally wished dudleing had a phone - when connections are missed, or family phone numbers are programed in.  but that's about it.

my boys had to plunk down for their own phone and plan.  they use ting.   which is an option for your dd - if it's that important to her, she'll have to cough up the money.  but I still think 14 is too young in general - do you have a house phone?

[jewellsmommy]

Dd got a tracphone on her 14th birthday. It has been immensely helpful. I'm very glad we got it, and we have not run into any issues/drawbacks.

[Janeway]

2 hours ago, gardenmom5 said:

for me, there isn't a flat age - it's about their responsibility level.  their activities.  friends having cell phones is irrelevant (if it's just  to talk to friends - that is a reason to not have one). .  .   (dudeling (13) has 1ds's old phone - it is not on any plan, and he relies upon wi-fi so he can't make calls (he has msgd ds).  he mostly uses it as a kindle.)   1ds has occasionally wished dudleing had a phone - when connections are missed, or family phone numbers are programed in.  but that's about it.

my boys had to plunk down for their own phone and plan.  they use ting.   which is an option for your dd - if it's that important to her, she'll have to cough up the money.  but I still think 14 is too young in general - do you have a house phone?

Yes, we have a house phone. He might go to public school starting this fall and might be taking the school bus.

[catz]

I think the right age for a cell phone is the age in which it makes sense to keep in touch with the kid.  What age do you need them to have it?  For one of my kids that was age 10.  She went to a dance studio where they have a land line but the phone is often not picked up during class hours.  For the other kid that was age 13.  He started getting cast in theater production with adults and indeterminate end times for rehearsals.    My kids have phones with no data plans.  We might get a very cheap and basic data plan when my oldest gets his license soon so he can do mapping.  

[regentrude]

2 hours ago, gardenmom5 said:

I still think 14 is too young in general - do you have a house phone?

Could you elaborate why you think 14 is too young to use a cell phone? I assume your kids are allowed to use landline phones and have been since a much younger age?

If it's about keeping track of the phone: with a simple tracfone, even losing the phone is not more expensive than losing a pair of mittens.

[Bluegoat]

I think this is a practical issue, so long as you are talking about dumb phones. That and affordability for you. It's Smartphones where there are more complications.  I would avoid those as long as possible.

[gardenmom5]

19 hours ago, regentrude said:

Could you elaborate why you think 14 is too young to use a cell phone? I assume your kids are allowed to use landline phones and have been since a much younger age?

If it's about keeping track of the phone: with a simple tracfone, even losing the phone is not more expensive than losing a pair of mittens.

as I said - there isn't a hard and fast rule.

if a 14 yo wants a phone to call their friends - I would prefer they use a landline, as it is easier to control.   a phone can be a huge distraction. a phone with data is even worse.  I think too many kids get in way over their heads becasue they don't have the experience.

a phone is a tool.    a 14 yo who has lessons or other activities, is getting themselves places, etc. and needs to be in communication with mom/ride - that's different.  

neither would have a data plan.  if there was something they needed to access something - they could use wi-fi.    (there are a few cases where I'd consider data - but those are very much the exception)

[SKL]

My kids' phones have very limited data and texts.  It gives them a chance to practice budgeting and stuff, not enough leeway to get in serious trouble.

I could turn it off if I saw it causing a problem.

[Mergath]

My 10yo has a phone because it makes it easier to keep in touch with her when she's off at lectures or music lessons or whatever. It's a smartphone, but all she uses it for is to text me and dh, taking pictures, and listening to that Mars Patel podcast. It stays on the counter when she's at home, and she has to ask before she uses any data. It hasn't been a big deal so far. 

[Lecka]

I have a 13-year-old without a phone.  He does not show himself responsible in various ways.

Also the usage expectations he has are set by what other kids have, so he would want unlimited texting and freedom to call friends whenever.  He would hope for a smartphone and data. 

He just doesn’t show himself responsible.

And he doesn’t need a phone.

What he needs is to be where he is supposed to be when he is supposed to be there.  I feel that sound be in place before he has a phone. I feel he should show that level of responsibility before he has a phone, because I feel that otherwise the phone will be a crutch that keeps him from developing being where he is supposed to be when he is supposed to be there.  

I also don’t feel his friends are responsible

with their phone usage. Okay, honestly some of his friends seem very responsible to me.  But his best friend is not responsible and that is who my son is most similar to.

I see plenty (almost all) kids acting responsibly with their phones, and then a few kids acting stupidly, but for my oldest I think he would act stupidly.  

For example, random phone calls, not thinking at all about the time of day to make phone calls, not thinking about what they make videos of or what they post on the internet.  

Anyway, my son does not show himself responsible.

I feel like there is surely an office phone that could be used to tell a parent to pick up at a different time, and I think that is both fair to ask and an important skill to build.

If there is truly no option that is different.

My son has options but he must make himself responsible to use them.  

It’s an issue for him and he needs to figure out keeping track of time, planning ahead, and doing things like going and using a phone.  

He shows himself needing to develop these skis and I’m afraid he won’t if he can avoid it by using a phone.  

Also in practice he can borrow a friend’s phone to contact me as needed.  We definitely get by with him borrowing friends’ phones.  But overall those friends are showing themselves responsible and I think their parents are making a good decision, and I am glad we can piggy-back with my son having the option to borrow a phone if he needs to here and there.  

[cjzimmer1]

Only my two oldest have them and both of them got it when it was NEEDED.  Which for both of them turned out to be during their senior year and in both cases was simply for my ease of coordinating pick times/locations because they were gone so much for me. But I only got that as much service as was needed for our situation.  So they each got no data, unlimited texting and small amount of minutes and a cheap used phone.  But if it makes your life easier, than certainly get them phones, if it's only occasionally needed perhaps consider a cheap "kid" phone that can be handed to whoever need it at that time and it's turned back in to you till the next use.

[dirty ethel rackham]

We never had problems with inappropriate use with the cheap non-smart phones.  They had limited capabilities and, thus, were just too boring.  We could see every text so we knew who they were talking to and how much.  There wasn't any internet access so that wasn't an issue.  My older kids had much greater issues with self regulation on their computers doing the work for their online classes than they ever did with phones, even when we got smart phones.  And they eventually learned to regulate that as well when they went off to college.

[EKS]

My older son had use of an old dumb phone when he was 15 and then got a smartphone when he was 17.5.  I'm glad we waited but immediately after he got it, I realized that it was really helpful for him to have one.  As a result, we got the younger one a smartphone when he was 14.5.  And now he is constantly looking at the thing.  But it sure is convenient for him to have one.