DNA, The Truth Will Always Come Out!

[StartingOver]

If you are thinking of doing DNA, PLEASE be warned that you may not get the results you want but you will get the truth.

I have been working on the genealogy of my family for over 30 years. I started testing family last year to verify and broke through some real tough brick walls. Happily I made it through 2 long term brick walls. But got many surprises along the way. A sister who was put up for adoption by her mom that my dad never knew about was the first happy finding. My husband's father isn't his father, we are still working on solving this one. My ex husband's father isn't his father. My ex mother in laws father isn't her father. I have found the birth family of my 1st cousin who was adopted into my family. I found my 1st cousin's son he gave up in the 50's. I am waiting on the tests of 2 other 1st cousins to figure out which of my uncles is their father one of which was adopted from Vietnam. I am also working on trying to find answers for others, friends of friends. It isn't easy,

I can't always find answers, but so far the truth has been so much better than the lies and being able to use DNA to get a medical history has been amazing to some of these folks with mysterious symptoms no one can explain.

 

 

[KungFuPanda]

This is why I don’t do the testing thing. Some things are just none of my business and I don’t feel entitled to my second cousin’s “truth” “for medical reasons.”

[StartingOver]

My cousins and friends have come to me after doing their own tests or  I have requested or purchased a few for cousins with their full knowledge. Everyone has a right to know who they are, if they ask for help I will give it. Nothing is sneaky.

[StartingOver]

If you don't know who you are, how can you have the correct medical history?

[StartingOver]

We have 2 genetic heart conditions which make the research of DNA important to us. To know who carries the gene and who doesn't. You can not judge what you don't know.

[Scarlett]

That is a lot of surprises for one family.  I think now that DNA testing is now so readily available that more people will stop trying to lie about a child's parentage. Back when my mom was born in 1945 there was no way to prove or disprove it.  My grandmother kept the secret her entire life---in fact it was not discovered for about 15 years after my grandmother died.  If any of her siblings knew it they never shared it with their children.  

I too think people deserve to know the truth.  But people looking into this need to be prepared for painful truths.  My son wants to do his DNA. and ,  it suddenly occurred to me it could be possible that he has a half sibling out there....that would be very painful for me.  On the other hand I firmly believe my son has the right to know if he has any siblings out there.  My own sister and I were kept apart by our father and she is very resentful about it.   

[StartingOver]

5 minutes ago, Scarlett said:

That is a lot of surprises for one family.  I think now that DNA testing is now so readily available that more people will stop trying to lie about a child's parentage. Back when my mom was born in 1945 there was no way to prove or disprove it.  My grandmother kept the secret her entire life---in fact it was not discovered for about 15 years after my grandmother died.  If any of her siblings knew it they never shared it with their children.  

I too think people deserve to know the truth.  But people looking into this need to be prepared for painful truths.  My son wants to do his DNA. and ,  it suddenly occurred to me it could be possible that he has a half sibling out there....that would be very painful for me.  On the other hand I firmly believe my son has the right to know if he has any siblings out there.  My own sister and I were kept apart by our father and she is very resentful about it.   

Yes, Those that have been solved have brought more family. Some good some bad. I am sorry that secrets have caused you pain. I am blessed to have a big sister and wouldn't trade finding her for anything.

[Jean in Newcastle]

You’re both warning us and advocating it?  Just trying to figure out the purpose of the thread. 

[StartingOver]

4 minutes ago, Jean in Newcastle said:

You’re both warning us and advocating it?  Just trying to figure out the purpose of the thread. 

Warning because most people don't suspect. But advocating because the truth is a good thing for many people even if it can be painful. Most of my family and friends besides those adopted have been surprised when a known family name is missing from their results. It can be shocking. Years and years of genealogy disproven in moments.

[plansrme]

47 minutes ago, StartingOver said:

If you don't know who you are, how can you have the correct medical history?

Your genes are not who you are.  As the mom of an adopted child, this kind of talk drives me batty.  And I KNOW one of the testing companies uses it extensively in their ad campaign.  My adopted child is MY child; ask her if you have any doubt.  She is who she is regardless of whether she ever has contact with or even knowledge of any blood relatives.  And the thought that knowing you have ancestors from Bolivia, let’s say, has one whit to do with any aspect of your life today is patently absurd.

Am I curious to know if my daughter has biological siblings?  Of course!  Would I encourage her to do the testing?  Maybe.  But not because she will never know who she is without this information.  She knows exactly who she is right now.

[StartingOver]

2 minutes ago, HeighHo said:

 

So, what does it gain the person who knows he has a particular gene to also know which relatives have it?  Are you talking avoiding mating with other carriers? Removing body parts because cancer is sure to develop?  Or just watchful waiting?

Are you serious. Ok, the genetic heart defect we have is linked to MTHFR gene. Many of our babies die before they even draw a breath, many need heart surgery. A neonatal heart surgeon should attend the birth.  There is also colon - rectal cancer in our family and the genetic proof can be used to make insurance cover our colonoscopies earlier than normal because we are among the rare few born with a ton of polyps and if removed very early, way before 50, increases our long term survival.  There are other genetic issues and DNA testing along with Promethease is much cheaper than the tests for such issues. If you don't want to test, don't. But you really shouldn't judge what you know nothing about, you don't walk in my shoes. I have had 9 pregnancies, 5 births, 3 of those have had heart defects. 

[StartingOver]

5 minutes ago, plansrme said:

Your genes are not who you are.  As the mom of an adopted child, this kind of talk drives me batty.  And I KNOW one of the testing companies uses it extensively in their ad campaign.  My adopted child is MY child; ask her if you have any doubt.  She is who she is regardless of whether she ever has contact with or even knowledge of any blood relatives.  And the thought that knowing you have ancestors from Bolivia, let’s say, has one whit to do with any aspect of your life today is patently absurd.

Am I curious to know if my daughter has biological siblings?  Of course!  Would I encourage her to do the testing?  Maybe.  But not because she will never know who she is without this information.  She knows exactly who she is right now.

Most of my adopted relative have had very little contact with their birth parents, it is the siblings they are looking for. One turned out to be a black market baby whose parents never gave her up. They all started searching on their own, most after their parents have died.

[PrincessMommy]

6 minutes ago, StartingOver said:

Are you serious. Ok, the genetic heart defect we have is linked to MTHFR gene. Many of our babies die before they even draw a breath, many need heart surgery. A neonatal heart surgeon should attend the birth.  There is also colon - rectal cancer in our family and the genetic proof can be used to make insurance cover our colonoscopies earlier than normal because we are among the rare few born with a ton of polyps and if removed very early, way before 50, increases our long term survival.  There are other genetic issues and DNA testing along with Promethease is much cheaper than the tests for such issues. If you don't want to test, don't. But you really shouldn't judge what you know nothing about, you don't walk in my shoes. I have had 9 pregnancies, 5 births, 3 of those have had heart defects. 

Hugs.... 

I'm always a bit amazed the direction a thread will take.  Sorry you're having to defend your choices.  

[plansrme]

6 minutes ago, StartingOver said:

Most of my adopted relative have had very little contact with their birth parents, it is the siblings they are looking for. One turned out to be a black market baby whose parents never gave her up. They all started searching on their own, most after their parents have died.

So?  Are they more “who they are” with this knowledge?  No.  Genes are just genes; they are not who you are, and they are not who your cousins are.  

[StartingOver]

3 minutes ago, plansrme said:

So?  Are they more “who they are” with this knowledge?  No.  Genes are just genes; they are not who you are, and they are not who your cousins are.  

I was not adopted, I can't know the answers.  They know why they were given up. To have someone who looks like you has been the most important thing to them.  I am not an adoptee, I can't tell you what it is like. But I will help any adult adoptee who comes to me. I won't apologize. You have a right to your feelings they have a right to know if they wish.

[DawnM]

Those of you not adopted really may not get it.  When you are adopted there are questions.  It is natural.  It is ok.  

I am adopted.  I am VERY much attached to my adoptive family.  When I proudly tell people of "my lineage" I tell them about the family I was adopted into.  They are my family!

 However, I still want to know more about who I am.  Where did I come from?  What is my genetic make-up?  Do I have any siblings?  Are there health concerns?  Is my past the reason I have two bio kids who are very creative (it must have skipped a generation! LOL!)

I am also a mom of an adopted child.  He is VERY much ours.  He also has a desire to know where he came from.  I am ok with that.  I am ordering him the 23andMe kit while they are on sale.  I don't feel threatened in any way by doing that.  I am also curious about a few things.

[DawnM]

1 hour ago, Arctic Mama said:

Because you usually only need parents and grandparents, and siblings.  But even missing that info is rarely critical unless you’re tracking down a genetic syndrome; which most of us aren’t. Lifestyle and personal history is way more important than genetics in sleuthing out most medical issues than your dad’s hypertension.

 

I stay far away from the genetics and geneology stuff.  No thanks.

 

Unless you don't even have that.  

Why stay far away?  Is there a fear of something?

[StartingOver]

2 minutes ago, DawnM said:

Those of you not adopted really may not get it.  When you are adopted there are questions.  It is natural.  It is ok.  

I am adopted.  I am VERY much attached to my adoptive family.  When I proudly tell people of "my lineage" I tell them about the family I was adopted into.  They are my family!

 However, I still want to know more about who I am.  Where did I come from?  What is my genetic make-up?  Do I have any siblings?  Are there health concerns?  Is my past the reason I have two bio kids who are very creative (it must have skipped a generation! LOL!)

I am also a mom of an adopted child.  He is VERY much ours.  He also has a desire to know where he came from.  I am ok with that.  I am ordering him the 23andMe kit while they are on sale.  I don't feel threatened in any way by doing that.  I am also curious about a few things.

If you need any help, please let me know. The 23 and me is the best for medical info but you can transfer your raw DNA to Promethease for much cheaper, just in case you would like to have other options. ?

[Liz CA]

It is a very individual "thing." Some people are plain interested in family connections or where their ancestors came from; I do, however, suspect that a few go into this endeavor with an attitude of rubbing their hands and thinking "Well, let's see what deep secrets we can unearth."

What can turn into a potential issue IMHO is when some people are so determined to "fill in the chart" that they may end up pressuring other family members or suspected family members into testing. I am not sure I would appreciate this. If a person refuses for any number of reasons - from lack of interest to not really needing to "know," could it lead to a suspicion that they are trying to hide something? 

And I am also not convinced that some people do not have good reasons to keep true parentage from their kids. In a few, rare cases, it may be better for the son or daughter.

[StartingOver]

1 minute ago, Liz CA said:

It is a very individual "thing." Some people are plain interested in family connections or where their ancestors came from; I do, however, suspect that a few go into this endeavor with an attitude of rubbing their hands and thinking "Well, let's see what deep secrets we can unearth."

What can turn into a potential issue IMHO is when some people are so determined to "fill in the chart" that they may end up pressuring other family members or suspected family members into testing. I am not sure I would appreciate this. If a person refuses for any number of reasons - from lack of interest to not really needing to "know," could it lead to a suspicion that they are trying to hide something? 

And I am also not convinced that some people do not have good reasons to keep true parentage from their kids. In a few, rare cases, it may be better for the son or daughter.

I can fill in my chart without the help of any of my cousins or family. I have my own DNA. LOL I have never forced anyone to spit in a tube. I ask, and they answer. In all cases they are either siblings or first cousins and it is to determine which of a set of brothers or sisters is their father. Everyone one I have tested is a full grown adult most close to or over 50. I don't know anyone who has tested to find skeletons unless it was in their own family closet.

[Liz CA]

7 minutes ago, DawnM said:

Those of you not adopted really may not get it.  When you are adopted there are questions.  It is natural.  It is ok.  

I am adopted.  I am VERY much attached to my adoptive family.  When I proudly tell people of "my lineage" I tell them about the family I was adopted into.  They are my family!

 However, I still want to know more about who I am.  Where did I come from?  What is my genetic make-up?  Do I have any siblings?  Are there health concerns?  Is my past the reason I have two bio kids who are very creative (it must have skipped a generation! LOL!)

I am also a mom of an adopted child.  He is VERY much ours.  He also has a desire to know where he came from.  I am ok with that.  I am ordering him the 23andMe kit while they are on sale.  I don't feel threatened in any way by doing that.  I am also curious about a few things.

 

I can see why this would be of interest to adopted children.

As far as your comment in response to Arctic Mama (tried to multiquote but hit wrong button) saying "staying far away from it," it may not necessarily be fear of finding out something but more a disinclination of potentially causing issues within a family. For instance if Grandma did not want something to be known that is now revealed and Grandma is still around, she may be grieved or upset. There are more serious scenarios I could imagine as well - as you all can too.

[Jean in Newcastle]

13 minutes ago, DawnM said:

Those of you not adopted really may not get it.  When you are adopted there are questions.  It is natural.  It is ok.  

I am adopted.  I am VERY much attached to my adoptive family.  When I proudly tell people of "my lineage" I tell them about the family I was adopted into.  They are my family!

 However, I still want to know more about who I am.  Where did I come from?  What is my genetic make-up?  Do I have any siblings?  Are there health concerns?  Is my past the reason I have two bio kids who are very creative (it must have skipped a generation! LOL!)

I am also a mom of an adopted child.  He is VERY much ours.  He also has a desire to know where he came from.  I am ok with that.  I am ordering him the 23andMe kit while they are on sale.  I don't feel threatened in any way by doing that.  I am also curious about a few things.

But the original post was not clearly about adoptees finding bio sibs or parents.  It started out, anyway, being about the dangers of discovering that your family has a history of adultery.  Or at least that is how I read it. 

[Liz CA]

3 minutes ago, StartingOver said:

I can fill in my chart without the help of any of my cousins or family. I have my own DNA. LOL I have never forced anyone to spit in a tube. I ask, and they answer. In all cases they are either siblings or first cousins and it is to determine which of a set of brothers or sisters is their father. Everyone one I have tested is a full grown adult most close to or over 50. I don't know anyone who has tested to find skeletons unless it was in their own family closet.

 

I didn't indicate you were pressuring people but I wondered if it could lead to this generally speaking. Let's say a person has all family data together except "Mary" but Mary does not want to and is the only one who has not been tested - this kind of thing could turn into unwanted pressure, directly or implicitly.

[DawnM]

Just now, Jean in Newcastle said:

But the original post was not clearly about adoptees finding bio sibs or parents.  It started out, anyway, being about the dangers of discovering that your family has a history of adultery.  Or at least that is how I read it. 

 

I still don't have a problem with people finding out who they are if they want to.

[DawnM]

By the way, I did the 23andMe health portion too and was thrilled to find out that I am actually not a carrier for very much at all.  I even had my friend, who is a PA look it over because I kept thinking I must be reading it wrong.

Nope, I have very few hereditary health concerns and the ones I have are partial.  For example, I carry one of the two genes that cause excessive iron to build up in your blood.  If I had both, it would be a bigger concern.

[KrissiK]

59 minutes ago, plansrme said:

Your genes are not who you are.  As the mom of an adopted child, this kind of talk drives me batty.  And I KNOW one of the testing companies uses it extensively in their ad campaign.  My adopted child is MY child; ask her if you have any doubt.  She is who she is regardless of whether she ever has contact with or even knowledge of any blood relatives.  And the thought that knowing you have ancestors from Bolivia, let’s say, has one whit to do with any aspect of your life today is patently absurd.

Am I curious to know if my daughter has biological siblings?  Of course!  Would I encourage her to do the testing?  Maybe.  But not because she will never know who she is without this information.  She knows exactly who she is right now.

I agree with you. All of my children are adopted, too. And theoretically, a single man could have thousands of children out there if he tried hard enough, which would basically make his parentage of them meaningless except as a genetic donor. And yet, somehow, our genetics are important. One of my daughters asked me if I knew what her birth mom looked like. I had never met her, but I told her to look in the mirror. Most women resemble their moms. Genetics is important.

[StartingOver]

21 minutes ago, Jean in Newcastle said:

But the original post was not clearly about adoptees finding bio sibs or parents.  It started out, anyway, being about the dangers of discovering that your family has a history of adultery.  Or at least that is how I read it. 

When it started I didn't give a flip what happened in the past, adultery wasn't my personal concern. My husband had 3 heart stents at 47 years old, through his DNA we will never know who his father is as they all died at the average age of 50 from massive heart attacks. A brother and a sister married a sister and a brother. But the value of knowing that family history,  reading the death certificates may allow my children to live past 50. No doctor can tell ahead of time with no family history that someone will drop dead in their tracks. Luckily I have some medical knowledge and pushed for further testing as the doctors said it was heart burn. It turned out to be blockages at 98 and 99%. Now my children can argue for heart caths much younger.

Again, you can not judge what you don't know. As to adoptions, that was my sister and other family that came to me after learning of my husbands search.

I am beginning to think folks around here are feeling scared of their own skeletons, what are you hiding?

[Scarlett]

14 minutes ago, KrissiK said:

I agree with you. All of my children are adopted, too. And theoretically, a single man could have thousands of children out there if he tried hard enough, which would basically make his parentage of them meaningless except as a genetic donor. And yet, somehow, our genetics are important. One of my daughters asked me if I knew what her birth mom looked like. I had never met her, but I told her to look in the mirror. Most women resemble their moms. Genetics is important.

It is.  Most people, even those with loving and healthy families want to know where they came from.  I know that is not universally true, but generally I think it is.  

[Murphy101]

39 minutes ago, Liz CA said:

It is a very individual "thing." Some people are plain interested in family connections or where their ancestors came from; I do, however, suspect that a few go into this endeavor with an attitude of rubbing their hands and thinking "Well, let's see what deep secrets we can unearth."

What can turn into a potential issue IMHO is when some people are so determined to "fill in the chart" that they may end up pressuring other family members or suspected family members into testing. I am not sure I would appreciate this. If a person refuses for any number of reasons - from lack of interest to not really needing to "know," could it lead to a suspicion that they are trying to hide something? 

And I am also not convinced that some people do not have good reasons to keep true parentage from their kids. In a few, rare cases, it may be better for the son or daughter.

Bingo

My extended family has all of that and is exactly why I don’t want to do these tests and why my kids don’t either. 

That and I think the medical need is entirely bogus. If I want to know if I have a DNA marker for something I still just need my dna, bc whatever my relative had doesn’t mean I will have it.

ETA: And I’ve never understood the obsession with genealogy. I have no interest in it at all.

[DawnM]

6 minutes ago, Scarlett said:

It is.  Most people, even those with loving and healthy families want to know where they came from.  I know that is not universally true, but generally I think it is.  

 

Yeah, and if you aren't adopted, you don't get that when your cousins and relatives talk about traits they got from their bio relatives or being "just like their mom" or whatever, there is a void.  There just is.  

[StartingOver]

3 minutes ago, HeighHo said:

 

I'm dead serious.  I almost died of a genetic disease caused by mutatations in the MTHFR cycle and the VDR receptors, and I was very lucky because the association with colon cancer is known and I was screened early because of it.  No one in my extended family has this combo.  Knowing everyone's  DNA wouldn't help -- mine alone shows the deadly combo.  Knowing what caused my parents to die before 50 wouldn't help, because I did not inherit the deadly combos that lead to the diseases that did them in, and some of these combos may not even lead to death if lifestyle choices prevent the genes from expressing. What you are making the case for is genetic counseling.

And secondly, asking for clarification is not attacking.  You've dropped some advice, but it doesn't apply to everyone.  They need to know particulars before they drop dollars. 

 

I am not you  and for me the testing has been invaluable. I don't care what your opinion is, I have my own.

[Murphy101]

1 minute ago, DawnM said:

 

Yeah, and if you aren't adopted, you don't get that when your cousins and relatives talk about traits they got from their bio relatives or being "just like their mom" or whatever, there is a void.  There just is.  

 

I must admit. I don’t talk like that to my kids bc I always hated it growing up (Great. I’m screwed bc genetics. Yay.) and I don’t like comparing kids to others in general.

I do know other people do it though and I’ve alway thought it tacky and rude. 

[Bluegoat]

I think if many in my family went in for this, it could be a problem.  I know of some children of uncles who aren't known to their other kids.  It might be a shock in my family but I suspect worse on the other side.

I don't see how it would be that medically useful for most people.  Generally, where I think it would, there would already be a known disease or problem.  I tend to think not looking for trouble is generally better otherwise. And then there are big downside to being able to know that stuff potentially.  

As far as "other reason" I'd be hesitant about even creating a genetic database run by government for a good reason, there is no way I'd want a private company to hold that information, either about me individually or people as a whole .

[StartingOver]

I am not telling anyone to take a test, I was warning that you never now what you will find. Man you keep trying to put words in my mouth. LMAO

[Scarlett]

8 minutes ago, Murphy101 said:

 

I must admit. I don’t talk like that to my kids bc I always hated it growing up (Great. I’m screwed bc genetics. Yay.) and I don’t like comparing kids to others in general.

I do know other people do it though and I’ve alway thought it tacky and rude. 

I just used the confused emoticon for the first. time.  What is tacky or rude about discussing family traits?

[Scarlett]

I don't understand some of the hostility on this thread.  If you don't want to take the test, don't .  If you get contacted by some previously unknown relative and you have no interest in talking to them, don't.  

 

[DawnM]

8 minutes ago, Murphy101 said:

 

I must admit. I don’t talk like that to my kids bc I always hated it growing up (Great. I’m screwed bc genetics. Yay.) and I don’t like comparing kids to others in general.

I do know other people do it though and I’ve alway thought it tacky and rude. 

 

Not parents to kids, I mean in family gatherings.  My cousins all do it.  "Well, you know we all of that Smith nose!"  Or, "Well, he must be a Smith, he has that *whatever* gene!"  I know it is all in fun and all in a "we belong here" type of way.   And I know they dont' mean to make me feel bad.  I am sure it doesnt' even occur to them that I am not biologically related.

[StartingOver]

I haven't blocked anyone here in years but HeighHo gotta Go! I am so over it. If you don't want to test, don't. If you do, do. No skin off my back. I have my own story, I have my own DNA.

[DawnM]

1 minute ago, peacelovehomeschooling said:

My daughter is adopted as well and I want to thank you so much for this.    You did a great job expressing how I feel as well.

 

But ultimately it isn't about how you feel.  It is about how your adopted child feels.  

[thessa516]

30 minutes ago, StartingOver said:

I am beginning to think folks around here are feeling scared of their own skeletons, what are you hiding?

That's not a very nice thing to say. There are many valid reasons someone may not want to have their DNA tested. A big one is that by law you are required to disclose any DNA results when applying for life insurance. 

[Scarlett]

1 minute ago, DawnM said:

 

Not parents to kids, I mean in family gatherings.  My cousins all do it.  "Well, you know we all of that Smith nose!"  Or, "Well, he must be a Smith, he has that *whatever* gene!"  I know it is all in fun and all in a "we belong here" type of way.   And I know they dont' mean to make me feel bad.  I am sure it doesnt' even occur to them that I am not biologically related.

Exactly.  I wasn't even adopted....just didn't have a relationship with bio dad and I still felt that growing up.  I think it is natural for families to talk like that and natural for adopted kids to feel the void.

[DawnM]

2 minutes ago, Scarlett said:

I don't understand some of the hostility on this thread.  If you don't want to take the test, don't .  If you get contacted by some previously unknown relative and you have no interest in talking to them, don't.  

 

 

Yeah, I think it is an emotional and touchy subject and for some, that emotion comes out in hostility and anger.  

[Bluegoat]

8 minutes ago, StartingOver said:

I am not telling anyone to take a test, I was warning that you never now what you will find. Man you keep trying to put words in my mouth. LMAO

 

Look, this is fine, but you were suggesting reasons you thought all this testing of family was good.  It seems reasonable to ask about that  I am wondering too - if I have a genetic disease, or propensity to other issues, surely the important thing is what my own genetic profile says?  Not anyone else, even family.

Now, I know some people with a genetic disorder which no one knows anything about, it's very interesting to certain researchers.  I am sure they'd be very interested in genetic info on family, which is impossible as they were adopted from another country.  But even then, it likely won't help them directly in terms of dealing with medical problems.

It's hard to imagine how it could be so helpful to so many in your family.  So people ask.

[Murphy101]

4 minutes ago, Scarlett said:

I just used the confused emoticon for the first. time.  What is tacky or rude about discussing family traits?

 

It makes it seem like nothing about a person is theirs. Oh you are just like your father. Or you get that from soandso. 

I’m the only tall blue eyed blond of my siblings. A daughter is the only black haired of my children. She isn’t like my mom or mil.  She is like herself.  I didn’t get my dad’s temper, I just got the shaft to be stuck with his other daughter for a sister - which would make even a saint kick puppies. 

People comment all the time, “Where’s you get that dark hair on that one?!” Or “Why are your kids so tall, dh and you aren’t? Oh wait, guess it skipped that one!”

It’s tacky and rude to comment on people’s appearance in general and to compare them to others doesn’t make it less rude. 

[Murphy101]

11 minutes ago, DawnM said:

 

Not parents to kids, I mean in family gatherings.  My cousins all do it.  "Well, you know we all of that Smith nose!"  Or, "Well, he must be a Smith, he has that *whatever* gene!"  I know it is all in fun and all in a "we belong here" type of way.   And I know they dont' mean to make me feel bad.  I am sure it doesnt' even occur to them that I am not biologically related.

 

No. I mean that too. We don’t do it and we are pretty quick to shut it down when other people do. Because biological or not, it’s not very nice imnsho. 

[StartingOver]

6 minutes ago, Bluegoat said:

 

Look, this is fine, but you were suggesting reasons you thought all this testing of family was good.  It seems reasonable to ask about that  I am wondering too - if I have a genetic disease, or propensity to other issues, surely the important thing is what my own genetic profile says?  Not anyone else, even family.

Now, I know some people with a genetic disorder which no one knows anything about, it's very interesting to certain researchers.  I am sure they'd be very interested in genetic info on family, which is impossible as they were adopted from another country.  But even then, it likely won't help them directly in terms of dealing with medical problems.

It's hard to imagine how it could be so helpful to so many in your family.  So people ask.

I understand that and I have told how it was helpful in my family. We also know from our genetics what to watch for, what to test for if certain signs show up. For us every child born with have a neonatal surgeon in the room, it has saved many babies. We now have confirmation that we need colonoscopies early, this has removed hundreds of precancerous polyps from my close family members as young as 24, if they test regularly they may never have the colostomy bag like my mother did, they may never die of a blocked colon like my grandmother did. We know that they need genetic testing to see if they carry certain diseases before having child. We know that we may not absorb Folic Acid and need Folate. We know many things now we didn't know before. I am not obligated to list my genetics for this site.

For me and my family it has been invaluable. I have already said it. I said it again. I can't say it any (*^)$*@%% clearer.

 

[DawnM]

2 minutes ago, Arctic Mama said:

Nope, it’s that the results of reading anything medical into genes that isn’t done by a geneticist is really dodgy.  And having a gene doesn’t equal having a condition for many of these. 

 

It’s so easy for people to go way overboard on this with medical, and convince themselves they have conditions or risks they don’t.  And that doesn’t even get into the family stuff. I don’t have the mental energy to care about who I’m related to or who slept with who.  I wouldn’t actually want any to know if I had a half sibling somewhere.  And I detest how his stuff is being linked for perusal in massive databases.  

 

You can still do DNA without the medical stuff.  But I think you and I differ on medical stuff and conventional medical practices anyway, so it probably is just a difference of opinion overall.

[DawnM]

3 minutes ago, Murphy101 said:

 

No. I mean that too. We don’t do it and we are pretty quick to shut it down when other people do. Because biological or not, it’s not very nice imnsho. 

 

It is all done in good fun with an appreciation for our family being unique from other families.   Not sure how it isn't very nice to feel you belong to a group.  

Like i said, they don't think about the fact that I am not bio, which I guess I should find comforting.  They just think I am one of them.  

 

[lavender's green]

I like genetics and genealogy, and I think we have some pretty cool tools nowadays for exploring them. Me, though? No thanks.

First of all, I know myself. I know I could get a little too enthusiastic about everyone's juicy secrets.

Second, insurance issues.

Third, there are online companies and doctor's offices that already have plenty of my information. I'm drawing the line at my genes.

Fourth, I can see a genetics counselor - an actual professional who can order specific high-quality tests for my situation and properly interpret them. I've done it before to see if I'm a carrier for some issues my aunts and cousins have. Easy-peasy.

Fifth, (and this is highly personal, everyone will have their own opinion), I remember the words of a woman who was adopted, and emphatically did not want to find her bio family. She said, "Why would I want to do that? My adopted family has more than enough Crazy as it is." Wise words. YMMV. I am not adopted, but I also have no wish to know if my ancestry isn't what I thought it was. Just...why. Lots of angst (and I would get angsty about it...I know myself), and it wouldn't really change my day-to-day life.

[DawnM]

8 minutes ago, Murphy101 said:

 

It makes it seem like nothing about a person is theirs. Oh you are just like your father. Or you get that from soandso. 

I’m the only tall blue eyed blond of my siblings. A daughter is the only black haired of my children. She isn’t like my mom or mil.  She is like herself.  I didn’t get my dad’s temper, I just got the shaft to be stuck with his other daughter for a sister - which would make even a saint kick puppies. 

People comment all the time, “Where’s you get that dark hair on that one?!” Or “Why are your kids so tall, dh and you aren’t? Oh wait, guess it skipped that one!”

It’s tacky and rude to comment on people’s appearance in general and to compare them to others doesn’t make it less rude. 

 

See, we dont' have that sort of thing, so it is more of a fun loving thing.  Not a "she is so mean she makes me kick puppies and you have it too" thing.