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When you don’t like a name given to a new baby close to you


Quill
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13 hours ago, elegantlion said:

If ds had been a girl, my former MIL would have hated the name we picked out. 

The only baby name I've heard that gives me pause is Anakin, and I've known more than one. I just want to tell them, you know he ends up being the bad guy right? 

Personally, I don't like my first or middle name. I'm 51 and still cringe a bit when I hear it. It's dated and was never really popular, so there isn't a lot of us, but common enough that probably everyone of my generation knows at least one. My middle name is a shortened version of an aunt's name. I wish my mom had just used the longer version. I'd never change it because it sounds all right combined with my last name. 

 

When FB first became popular I connected with an old friend from high school. He confessed that he had always had a crush on me and he named his first daughter after me! I get a little chuckle out of that anytime he posts something about his dd, Danielle. (He is long since divorced from that child’s mother, in case it bothers anyone that he told me this.) 

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I just keep it to myself.  

Well, if “myself” means me and my husband chuckling or grimacing over the name in private.  

It’s usually only Kreeative spellings of fairly common names that elicit such a reaction from me.  

When we shared my son’s name with my husband’s grandmother, she visibly grimaced like we had just said we were naming our son “ishtar big space guy”.  His name isn’t really odd name either.  Just a nice solid name with a nickname we love.  I try to remember how icky that felt in the moment so I don’t become that disapproving grimace for someone else.

One exception: I did comment about my siblings name choices (namely my older brother’s children) but you have to let me off the hook here because my older brother is a jackass (like I have a restraining order against him jackass, not ordinary family jackassery) AND he named his daughter after his favorite porn star and so I told him that was gross.  Because it is. My niece has actually changed her name now that she’s a teenager.  It was that bad (I never said anything about it to her).  I also shamed him into not naming my nephew something truly horrible.  I think I did my nephew a solid that day (and my SIL was pleased too, she hated the name I hated.) That said, were my brother not a lunatic who was literally stopping to score drugs on the way to the hospital when my SIL was in labor, I would have held my tongue.  But if he were not a drugged out jackass, he wouldn’t come up with these stupid name ideas.  That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.  

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Laugh and shake your head in private.  Dear nephew has a name that's kind of odd kind of trendy and is cultural but not the fammily's and I think its pretty bad and pretentious.  The only time was BFF was still thinking of names and one she suggested had a really terrible nickname associated with it and I pointed it out. 

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5 minutes ago, LucyStoner said:

I just keep it to myself.  

Well, if “myself” means me and my husband chuckling or grimacing over the name in private.  

It’s usually only Kreeative spellings of fairly common names that elicit such a reaction from me.  

When we shared my son’s name with my husband’s grandmother, she visibly grimaced like we had just said we were naming our son “ishtar big space guy”.  His name isn’t really odd name either.  Just a nice solid name with a nickname we love.  I try to remember how icky that felt in the moment so I don’t become that disapproving grimace for someone else.

One exception: I did comment about my siblings name choices (namely my older brother’s name) but you have to let me off the hook here because my older brother is a jackass (like I have a restraining order jackass, not ordinary family jackassery) AND he named his daughter after his favorite porn star and I told him that was gross.  I also shamed him into not naming my nephew something horrible.  I think I did my nephew a solid that day (and my SIL was pleased too, she hated the name I hated.) That said, were my brother not a lunatic, I would have held my tongue.  

Yeah, I think this is the policy one should adhere to. I won’t say boo about the baby’s name to anyone that matters. But I do think I would struggle with it if it were my grandchild. 

It is true that I usually come around to it, though not always. I find I can come around to a name that just seems outdated or a bit too uncommon (Example from real life, “Eli/Elijah,” which sounded really old to me at first but it grew on me. Same with “Violet.”) But I don’t seem to ever really come around to a name that is made up and unattractive to me, or kreeative spellings, which I dont like much. 

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13 hours ago, Scarlett said:

Yes....friends just had a baby that they named 'the IV' I despise juniors of all kinds, but when you have 4 generations all the nick names are taken.....ugh.  I just dread the comfusion. 

 

Fourth actually makes a pretty good nickname.

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13 hours ago, Scarlett said:

Yes....friends just had a baby that they named 'the IV' I despise juniors of all kinds, but when you have 4 generations all the nick names are taken.....ugh.  I just dread the comfusion. 

 

So I totally read this as they named their kid The IV like the thing that hangs from the pole in the hospital. The fourth is so much better than The IV. 

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7 minutes ago, Ravin said:

 

Fourth actually makes a pretty good nickname.

The new dad is a 3rd...but his parents wouldn't call him Trey which I like.  And this new baby will have cool initials....something like AJ......but they won't call him that either.  So we will have 4 generations (3 of which are in my immediate life) will have the same name. Think William.  

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When I picked my kids' names, I thought I had gone with ones that, although a bit "out there" were still relatively easy to pronounce.

Nope. Apparently not. Especially DD's, which some people have glanced at and concluded that I named her after a large protestant Christian denomination, lol. I also never in my life would have thought when I change my own name that so many people would hear my new first name and somehow think I said "Raymond." My middle name is Spanish and I really had no idea there were still so many people in ARIZONA who couldn't pronounce a Spanish name that starts with J. Seriously? It's not even an "unusual" name, there is at least one well-known American celebrity who shares it (which is why it's my middle and not my first name, because I didn't want people thinking I named myself after a celebrity. It was also my great-grandfather's name).

With a few extreme exceptions, I think any name grows on you as you get to know the child who bears it.

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Just now, Scarlett said:

The new dad is a 3rd...but his parents wouldn't call him Trey which I like.  And this new baby will have cool initials....something like AJ......but they won't call him that either.  So we will have 4 generations (3 of which are in my immediate life) will have the same name. Think William.  

 

If it's actually William, it's hard to run out of nicknames. Will, Bill, Willie, Billy, Liam...

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My first name is a male's name.....I don't hate it, but my mom called me by a nick name of my middle name....then when I was 12 I decided to use my real first name....why?  I mean  WHY did my mom let me.  Ugh.  I am 52 now and I often STILL don't feel like it is really my name.  

My tip.  If you want to call your kid by a name make it their first name.  

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1 minute ago, Scarlett said:

My first name is a male's name.....I don't hate it, but my mom called me by a nick name of my middle name....then when I was 12 I decided to use my real first name....why?  I mean  WHY did my mom let me.  Ugh.  I am 52 now and I often STILL don't feel like it is really my name.  

My tip.  If you want to call your kid by a name make it their first name.  

 

Unless it's the fourth, or like my DH, the same name is shared...close family still call him by his middle name even though he's used his first in his professional life. You can pretty much tell who met him through family/high school vs. those who met him through work. The former call him by his middle name, the latter, his first name. I switch which I use to refer to him based on context.

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4 minutes ago, Scarlett said:

My first name is a male's name.....I don't hate it, but my mom called me by a nick name of my middle name....then when I was 12 I decided to use my real first name....why?  I mean  WHY did my mom let me.  Ugh.  I am 52 now and I often STILL don't feel like it is really my name.  

My tip.  If you want to call your kid by a name make it their first name.  

 

12 is a common age for a kid to assert themselves, and that's a legit way to do so. I've known many people who dropped a childhood nickname as they moved into their teens...then there's my DD, who has grown more adamant about USING a nickname that I personally detest. It's her name, though, she can do as she likes with it. So can you. Even in middle age, changing it is always an option--just a bit more hassle than before you're launched.

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11 minutes ago, Scarlett said:

My first name is a male's name.....I don't hate it, but my mom called me by a nick name of my middle name....then when I was 12 I decided to use my real first name....why?  I mean  WHY did my mom let me.  Ugh.  I am 52 now and I often STILL don't feel like it is really my name.  

My tip.  If you want to call your kid by a name make it their first name.  

My dh says this too. He has always been called not only by his middle name, but by a shortened form of it. That's a tradition in his family; his brother and father and grandfather are the same. It's been a constant issue, even into adulthood. Every time he starts a new job, he has to go ten rounds with HR to get them to put his goes-by name on his business cards, email, etc. Sometimes he wins and sometimes he loses -- and then his customers are always supremely confused!

He insisted that we choose first names for our kids that we intended to call them. 

Edited by PeachyDoodle
B/c apparently I can't write coherently today
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4 minutes ago, Ravin said:

 

12 is a common age for a kid to assert themselves, and that's a legit way to do so. I've known many people who dropped a childhood nickname as they moved into their teens...then there's my DD, who has grown more adamant about USING a nickname that I personally detest. It's her name, though, she can do as she likes with it. So can you. Even in middle age, changing it is always an option--just a bit more hassle than before you're launched.

True.....

The good thing is that if anyone ever knows my name they never forget it.  My name tends to be said first/last always together.  Even little kids do that. 

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I try never to express (with words or face) a negative opinion abotu someone else's baby names because I took a fair amount of grief when we shared our ideas for DS name with MIL.  She said she didn't like it. We loved it.  It was the ONLY name we agreed on.  When we had him and called to tell her that her first gandchild had arrived and his name was ________, her reply was, "I thought I told you I didn't like that name."   While she did grow to like the name, I still remember the hurt we felt with her very fisrt comment about her grandbaby.  We didn't tell anyone our name ideas for second DS.  I am sure people didn't like our name for him either (it is fairly uncommon, but not unheard of or ridiculously unfortunate).  

Now I always tell expecting moms who worry that people won't like their names that they can name their baby "Dog Poop" and I will smile and say to them how lovely it is because I remember how MIL's words were hurtful.  Of course there are names I don't particularly like, but I wouldn't ever say anything and I'd hope the name would grow on me.  

 

 

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My mom is not a super controlling mom or anything....but she had a very negative reaction to the name Chelsea.  I still laugh about it because well Chelsea is a lovely name....she seriously acted like that name was 'Dog Poop'.  Had I had a girl I doubt I could have  brought myself to name the child Chelsea....but I do know she would have gotten over it.

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25 minutes ago, Ravin said:

When I picked my kids' names, I thought I had gone with ones that, although a bit "out there" were still relatively easy to pronounce.

Nope. Apparently not. Especially DD's, which some people have glanced at and concluded that I named her after a large protestant Christian denomination, lol. I also never in my life would have thought when I change my own name that so many people would hear my new first name and somehow think I said "Raymond." My middle name is Spanish and I really had no idea there were still so many people in ARIZONA who couldn't pronounce a Spanish name that starts with J. Seriously? It's not even an "unusual" name, there is at least one well-known American celebrity who shares it (which is why it's my middle and not my first name, because I didn't want people thinking I named myself after a celebrity. It was also my great-grandfather's name).

With a few extreme exceptions, I think any name grows on you as you get to know the child who bears it.

I get this. When we chose our first child’s name, I thought we were picking the most obvious possible spelling, so people would not confuse it with a much more popular, similar name. But people don’t see the individual letters. They see a name that looks like something they have heard of before and assume it’s that. Her name is Kyla, but she is called Kayla, Kylie, or Kaylie with regularity. 

Oh well. 

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3 minutes ago, Quill said:

I get this. When we chose our first child’s name, I thought we were picking the most obvious possible spelling, so people would not confuse it with a much more popular, similar name. But people don’t see the individual letters. They see a name that looks like something they have heard of before and assume it’s that. Her name is Kyla, but she is called Kayla, Kylie, or Kaylie with regularity. 

Oh well. 

 

I get it.  It's happened less often since Katy Perry became popular, but when I was a kid I had adults correct my name to Kathy all the time.  As if I'd forgotten how to spell my own name. I knew three Cathys, none of whom I liked.  So obnoxious. Especially when the same adults would often repeat the mistake over and over.

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22 minutes ago, Quill said:

I get this. When we chose our first child’s name, I thought we were picking the most obvious possible spelling, so people would not confuse it with a much more popular, similar name. But people don’t see the individual letters. They see a name that looks like something they have heard of before and assume it’s that. Her name is Kyla, but she is called Kayla, Kylie, or Kaylie with regularity. 

Oh well. 

 

I have a sister named Kayla and a SIL named Kyla. Pronunciation becomes VERY important, lol!

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1 hour ago, Ravin said:

 

Fourth actually makes a pretty good nickname.

I seriously dated a "Sixth" in college.  His grandmother was a proper British matriarch and the one time I met her she made sure that I knew that the firstborn son of her grandson was going to be Same Name VII.

I broke up with him right after that trip.  I wasn't a fan of his name in the first place, to be honest.  Having the responsibility of HAVING to name a child the 7th?  Ugh, no.  

Secretly though, I hope he went on to only have girls.  ?

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After telling a very close sil a name we considered (and actually named) our daughter we decided we wouldn't tell people anymore.  We've learned people have less to say after the baby is born.  That became the rule for the next 4 children.  Funny enough, there were people that were actually offended that we wouldn't tell them.  

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1 hour ago, Lady Marmalade said:

I seriously dated a "Sixth" in college.  His grandmother was a proper British matriarch and the one time I met her she made sure that I knew that the firstborn son of her grandson was going to be Same Name VII.

I broke up with him right after that trip.  I wasn't a fan of his name in the first place, to be honest.  Having the responsibility of HAVING to name a child the 7th?  Ugh, no.  

Secretly though, I hope he went on to only have girls.  ?

Well, we need to know.  Can you goggle him real quick? ?

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2 hours ago, Scarlett said:

My mom is not a super controlling mom or anything....but she had a very negative reaction to the name Chelsea.  I still laugh about it because well Chelsea is a lovely name....she seriously acted like that name was 'Dog Poop'.  Had I had a girl I doubt I could have  brought myself to name the child Chelsea....but I do know she would have gotten over it.

 

My mom and I have pretty similar taste, I would describe our style as "boring".  

When I was trying to name DS, I remember going through a list of options, just kind of throwing things out and seeing how they sounded out loud, and one name I threw out was Aaron.  As soon as it came out of my mouth, I realized that while I think Aaron is a fine name on other people's kids there are many boys names I like better.  Not surprisingly, DS has a name that is not Aaron. 

My kid is 19 and the other day my mother brought up the fact that I wanted to name my kid such a horrible name.  She basically said, "I seriously can't believe you'd name your kid Aaron."  As if this is an unforgivable character flaw.   

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1 minute ago, Daria said:

 

My mom and I have pretty similar taste, I would describe our style as "boring".  

When I was trying to name DS, I remember going through a list of options, just kind of throwing things out and seeing how they sounded out loud, and one name I threw out was Aaron.  As soon as it came out of my mouth, I realized that while I think Aaron is a fine name on other people's kids there are many boys names I like better.  Not surprisingly, DS has a name that is not Aaron. 

My kid is 19 and the other day my mother brought up the fact that I wanted to name my kid such a horrible name.  She basically said, "I seriously can't believe you'd name your kid Aaron."  As if this is an unforgivable character flaw.   

My XH was the hardest to deal with. I swear EVERY name I suggested he just spat out.  'Gabriell! No kid of mine is going to be named Gabriel!'   It was so weird.  But XH has a girl's name and he has always hated it, but especially since 6th grade when a girl moved to our school with that name.  He was so determined to not have a 'weird' name for our son.

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52 minutes ago, Scarlett said:

My XH was the hardest to deal with. I swear EVERY name I suggested he just spat out.  'Gabriell! No kid of mine is going to be named Gabriel!'   It was so weird.  But XH has a girl's name and he has always hated it, but especially since 6th grade when a girl moved to our school with that name.  He was so determined to not have a 'weird' name for our son.

See, that’s funny and it’s back to the naming psychology again. My DH is named Kelly and he has weathered that whole “girl’s name” thing for most of his life. But he nevertheless liked names that were not common, although he didn’t want his sons to have a name that is thought to be a girl’s name. One name he continued to suggest as an option for a boy was “Cannon.” Umm, no. Hellz to the no. No Cannons, thank you. 

I heard once the suggestion to pray that God would give you the name that is right for the child. I’m generally shy about “prayer” as it was meant (Christian prayer), but I am on board with the idea that there is a name “The Universe” has for the child and you can seek this name and know when you have discovered it. I did not know my babies’ genders before birth but it always turned out that the name that felt “right” was, in fact, the name of the baby. I would have my boy name and my girl name ready, but only the name that matched the child’s gender “felt” like the right name. 

As an aside, the other-gender names we had ready now seem so completely wrong. It seems unimaginable that I would have kids with those names. Not that they were bad choices but now they just seem so very wrong. DS18 was going to be Georgia Christine. I still think that’s pretty but I look at him and think how wrong that name is. He couldn’t even be a George Christopher. 

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The thing that irks me, more than I should probably admit, is when people name their kids things that don't match.  I remember growing up, I used to babysit a group of kids named Elizabeth, Tracy and Scott, and every time I went to see them my Dad would vent about how Elizabeth's sister should be named Catherine or Jane but certainly not Tracy!  I had cousins named Crystal and Catherine, and he'd have a similar reaction.  At the time I thought he was being old and judgmental, but now I kind of agree with him LOL.  

For example, I once taught siblings named Trinity and Quran.  Now, I agree that both have great sounds, but I have to ask -- do the meanings of the words mean nothing to you?  Or did you convert in the 18 months between their births?  How do you end up with siblings named Trinity and Quran?  If you have a third child will they be named after a Hindu god?  

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3 minutes ago, Daria said:

The thing that irks me, more than I should probably admit, is when people name their kids things that don't match.  I remember growing up, I used to babysit a group of kids named Elizabeth, Tracy and Scott, and every time I went to see them my Dad would vent about how Elizabeth's sister should be named Catherine or Jane but certainly not Tracy!  I had cousins named Crystal and Catherine, and he'd have a similar reaction.  At the time I thought he was being old and judgmental, but now I kind of agree with him LOL.  

For example, I once taught siblings named Trinity and Quran.  Now, I agree that both have great sounds, but I have to ask -- do the meanings of the words mean nothing to you?  Or did you convert in the 18 months between their births?  How do you end up with siblings named Trinity and Quran?  If you have a third child will they be named after a Hindu god?  

 

We choose classic names, so I agree with you about consistency.

But as to the religious names, what strikes me about those two isn't the idea of a third child named Shiva as much as it is that they are both disrespectful to the other religion referenced. What were they thinking?

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42 minutes ago, Teacher Mom said:

Well, it could be worse; my niece named her son Beowulf. I am going to call that child Beau or Buddy or something -- just can't do that.

It's one of my favorite books but I wouldn't give my kid that name.  Wulf or Wulfie might be a cute nickname for him, but some people might think back to the movie Amadeus and associate Wulfie with a really obnoxious person.

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1 hour ago, Teacher Mom said:

Well, it could be worse; my niece named her son Beowulf. I am going to call that child Beau or Buddy or something -- just can't do that.

 

I have to admit that I kind of love Beowulf.  I wouldn't have the guts to do it, but I think it's kinda awesome.  

 

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1 hour ago, Quill said:

See, that’s funny and it’s back to the naming psychology again. My DH is named Kelly and he has weathered that whole “girl’s name” thing for most of his life. But he nevertheless liked names that were not common, although he didn’t want his sons to have a name that is thought to be a girl’s name. One name he continued to suggest as an option for a boy was “Cannon.” Umm, no. Hellz to the no. No Cannons, thank you. 

My dd went to school with a Cannon. Let's just say that the whole thing about your name influencing your personality is true. Or it was in his case, anyway.

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5 hours ago, Farrar said:

I've never heard of Fourth or Sixth as a nickname. But I have heard of families using "Trey" for the third of the name and "Quinn" or "Quint" for the fifth. Latinate nicknames, basically.

 

Ha, I'm going to start calling ds Duo as he is the II. He is named for ex's father, who had been deceased for a number of years by the time ds was born. It took some discussion on how to name him because he wasn't a Jr. He is the 4th generation first born son to have the same middle name. Thankfully, his name fits him, but he only uses the II on official documents. 

 

 

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2 hours ago, Daria said:

The thing that irks me, more than I should probably admit, is when people name their kids things that don't match.  I remember growing up, I used to babysit a group of kids named Elizabeth, Tracy and Scott, and every time I went to see them my Dad would vent about how Elizabeth's sister should be named Catherine or Jane but certainly not Tracy!  I had cousins named Crystal and Catherine, and he'd have a similar reaction.  At the time I thought he was being old and judgmental, but now I kind of agree with him LOL.  

For example, I once taught siblings named Trinity and Quran.  Now, I agree that both have great sounds, but I have to ask -- do the meanings of the words mean nothing to you?  Or did you convert in the 18 months between their births?  How do you end up with siblings named Trinity and Quran?  If you have a third child will they be named after a Hindu god?  

 

I went to a church once and there was a family in the bulletin with the kids: Matthew, Mark, Luke and....

 

 

Tiffany. 

 

 

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1 minute ago, Alice said:

 

I went to a church once and there was a family in the bulletin with the kids: Matthew, Mark, Luke and....

 

 

Tiffany. 

 

 

 

LOL.

Naming your first three kids Matthew, Mark, and Luke might be asking the universe to send you a girl.  

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8 minutes ago, Daria said:

 

LOL.

Naming your first three kids Matthew, Mark, and Luke might be asking the universe to send you a girl.  

LOL! That’s an awesome story! 

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40 minutes ago, PeachyDoodle said:

My dd went to school with a Cannon. Let's just say that the whole thing about your name influencing your personality is true. Or it was in his case, anyway.

Did he become interested in artllery or religion?

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On 6/5/2018 at 6:27 PM, Arctic Mama said:

Yeah, I married someone with a very difficult last name and I actually paused and seriously considered whether to keep you maiden name.  I have to slowly spell both, and they are ruined 90% of the time when it comes to first time pronunciations.

 

My maiden name was extremely unusual, and although people pronounced it right about half the time, I always had to spell it. My married name is ~top 1000 common names in the U.S. But more than half the people mispronounce it, and they often misspell it. (It's a normal spelling, it's not an unusual name.) I have decided my name could be Mary Jones, and that would still confuse some.

 

23 hours ago, Loowit said:

We got a few negative comments about my youngest's name before he was born.  Friends said he would get teased.  My MIL didn't like it.  DH and I decided to go with something else, but last minute I changed my mind.  I was in the OR having an emergency c-section and really wanted to go with the original name we had picked.  DH was fine with it, and no one said anything after he was born and named.

 

 

We'd chosen Cameron for my son's name shortly after I became pregnant. That was around the time Camryn Manheim was in The Practice and Cameron Diaz was in There's Something About Mary. One of my friends finally told me it was becoming a popular girls' name where she lived. I did not want a boy/girl name, so we changed his name three days before he was born. I still like the name Cameron though!

I was regular patron of our local used bookstore 30 years ago. I found out their daughter's name and was horrified. Who could name a little girl one of the ugliest names on earth? I was fascinated by the awfulness of it all. And about five years later, that name became hugely popular, and I began to like it. It was Hannah. ??

 

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7 hours ago, Scarlett said:

Well, we need to know.  Can you goggle him real quick? ?

The things I do for the Hive!

A little FB stalking, er, sleuthing reveals that there is indeed a little boy spawn, however, the name he was being referred to on his mom's page tells me that somehow she managed to not name the little creature as number 7.   So either she has great moxie or grandma passed on and no one cared to carry on the legacy after that.  

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On 6/5/2018 at 8:16 PM, lovinmyboys said:

I really wanted names that were easy to spell and pronounce. One of my boys is named Silas. I thought that would be fairly obvious. However, it has been spelled Sylas (lots) and Cylas (a couple of times). It also often gets pronounced with a long e sound instead of long i. I really couldn’t have predicted that.

 

I worked super hard to find a name that matched our ethnic background and which, if you had a first grade education or any exposure to literature, movies, or even popular culture, you should be able to spell.

NOPE. Never overestimate the American public's inability to spell and not to have exposure to really, really common names and historical figures. "Sylas" is bizarre to me but I believe it.

As for me, I think names are like colors. They are all beautiful in their own way in their own context with their own story.

It has to be intentionally awful for me not to like it, and by intentionally, I mean--if you name your kid after Adolf Hitler, I don't even mind the name itself, I mind what you're doing to the child.

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1 minute ago, happysmileylady said:

. My name is one of the most basic ever.  Kim. Three little letters that all phonetically make sense.  K-I-M. The number of people who want to spell it Kym astounds me. 

My dd13 has a friend named Kymberlie. My dd13 has other friends with creative name spellings. I wonder if 2005 was a big year for that?

I always threatened to add in silent letters into the kids names just for fun, because I had such a boring name. I didn't end up being creative.

Our oldest has a common name with 2 spellings. We did pick the less common spelling, but it isn't creative. I think it might be the older spelling of the name.

Kelly

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