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13 yo BOYS. Oi!

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Oh, the hormones! Oh, the drama! I thought girls were dramatic.
Girls got nothin' on pubescent boys. Good grief!

Any advice on how to survive the emotional and mental rollercoaster that is a teen boy?

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DH says to put him in team sports where the coaches will tell him to rub some dirt on it every time he whines about something.

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Take up drinking if you don't already. 

I'm almost kidding. 

But, I totally hear you!  I had mentally prepared myself for my DD to be all hormonal and ragey, and there was nothing, or very little.

DS on the other hand... WOW.  The mood swings are almost as bad as the teenage stink. 

I have learned for myself when to just stop talking to him and walk away to let him stew in whatever he's stewing in.   I also try really hard to not push an issue if it's not truly important.  

I think the worst thing though, is that I've had to intervene when him and DH are butting heads.  It's ALWAYS over something completely stupid, but when they both start raising their voice and getting annoyed with each other, I've had to step in and redirect- usually it's DH I'm addressing and then later on when DS is not around I'll gently remind him that there are times to pick his battles, and trivial things are not those times. 

My DS is quite active with dance, so I'm not totally sure exercise is always the answer.  However, if I had to really think about it, I would suspect that his most moody days probably do happen when he has had too many days off of dance. 

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Lots of food.  Lots of sleep.  Lots of physical exercise.  LOTS of patience from the mother, but you don't need to accept rude, disrespectful, whining on and on, etc.  Calm, firm, direct, with as much humor as you can muster.  ?

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28 minutes ago, plansrme said:

I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but they're like that at 14 as well.  Sorry.

You are very correct. Personally, I have found 14 to truly be the age from hell.  

Annnnnnnnnnnnd.............my youngest turns 14 next month.  I have already begged her to take it easy on me.  

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32 minutes ago, happypamama said:

Sleep, sandwich, shower.

 

Martial arts

 

Have Dad get in his face. 

All of this.

13 was terrible - TERRIBLE - with my oldest.  I was fairly sure one of us wouldn't make it out alive.  

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Also, a pair of really good headphones for DS has been wonderful.  When he needs down time, he just pops those bad boys on and he can zone out listening to music, watching something, playing his video games or plunking around on his keyboard, all while feeling like he's having private time even though he's likely on the other side of the room as me.

I will say also, that while the moodiness and sulky attitude have gotten worse since he turned 14, he has now gotten more helpful- and more pleasant about responding to a request for help from me.  I don't know if he just really likes to feel useful or what, but he's surprised me in the last month or so with his willingness to help me around the house with little or no complaining.  Maybe letting him have his little sulk fests is paying off?  I don't know, but when he's in a good mood, it's definitely wonderful for everyone in the household. 

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What shocked me (and him) were the tears. He'd never been a cryer as a kid but as a teen, wow.

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Are they more emotional than at 10????

That was a big shock for me. Well he has leveled off now but the couple months leading up to 10 and then the first few months after we’re a rollar  coaster. 

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I heard you.   20 something brothers who think the angst is hysterical are very annoying.  to mom.   I shove him on them - especially 1ds, who remembers what it was like to be 13 (but is a reasonably mature adult) and has more patience.

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7 hours ago, Denise in IN said:

Lots of food.  Lots of sleep.  Lots of physical exercise.  LOTS of patience from the mother, but you don't need to accept rude, disrespectful, whining on and on, etc.  Calm, firm, direct, with as much humor as you can muster.  ?

This. Totally this. 

I have 7 girls...but my one 13yo boy 'takes the cake'. I agree with everything Denise has said above (including not accepting rude/whiny etc) and I'd add one more to the list. 

Hugs. Plenty of them. 

My ds practically melts if I just give him a good strong understanding hug. 

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9yo was definitely hormonal for BOTH kids. Then it hit again when dd was 15. With ds, 13yo seems to be the hi-drama stage. Unless it gets worse at 14, like a previous poster stated! ?

I do know he needs more physical exercise. Just need to figure out what that will be, and figure out how to afford it!

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My twin boys just turned 14 this month.  OMG it's been a struggle.  And seriously why did everyone warn me about girls that age??  My daughter hasn't been a moment of drama or talking back etc..  She turned 15 in March.

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Solidarity, sister. 

I agree with sleep, sandwich, shower. And physical activity as much as possible. And hugs (I mean it!) because they need them but don’t want to think they need them. I “force” my boys to hug me. :*) I tell them I have to have a hug so i’ll feel better. 

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8 minutes ago, Quill said:

Solidarity, sister. 

I agree with sleep, sandwich, shower. And physical activity as much as possible. And hugs (I mean it!) because they need them but don’t want to think they need them. I “force” my boys to hug me. :*) I tell them I have to have a hug so i’ll feel better. 

And start the sandwich, sleep, shower and excerise habits now--I started suggesting those with my oldest at 14 and he rejected the suggestions. I am more in too if it with my ds that just turned 13. Another one is my oldest wears a fleece over a t-shirt and wouldn't take it off. So, he'd be hot and grumpy. Also, he wouldn't eat when I suggested it, so I would open a protein bar and put it in front of him and walk away. That saved many a day. 

They do come out of it. My oldest is 17 and pretty much always delightful. My new 13 year old--not so much. At least he still cuddles. 

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Ages 9-11 seem to be our moody times so far. But I am worried about everyone saying 14 is awful, lol! My older one just turned 14.

We started setting a mandatory time to eat timer in the mid-afternoon. Both of my kids get reactive hypoglycemia, apparently (hangry with a vengeance). If we get to that point, it's not only awful, but they don't want to eat either! So not fun. Hence the timer and hoping we remember it (it was a recent decision).

 

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My third boy is 15yo. So I’m a survivor.

I sometimes say I took up drinking and swearing to get through the teen boy years. It’s a joke. Kinda.

I used to think all the talk about brain development in boys not being complete until the mid twenties was just excuse making. Then I had discussions with my teen boys that just didn’t make sense. Then I got it.

In my house they start to show signs of turning a corner at 15. They are much better at 16 and really great young men at 17. So it does get better.

A younger mom with 10 yo boys commented that I always seem calm and relaxed. She then asked my advice on teen boys. My advice was something along the lines of buckle up, hold on, and keep them alive until they start making sense again. 

And love on them. Boys really adore their mamas and can be so sweet and loving! 

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Big fan of SSS here, too.

DS takes a portable speaker in the bathroom and blasts some loud music for the shower.  That almost always helps.  He doesn’t do the nap, but he will always eat.  Always.

Physical activity, plenty of sleep, healthy food, lots of creative time.  Sometimes I’ll send him to the Maker Workshop, if we have free time.

I pick my battles and let some things go.  Often remind myself that his brain is not fully developed.

I agree with Quill about the hugs.  Though it’s disconcerting now that I hug his shoulder - he is so much taller than I am!  But they still need it.  ?

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