Getting an apartment vs staying on campus

[Chris in VA]

Dd isn't even on campus yet, so this is purely hypothetical. 

Freshman year, she will def be on campus, in a really nice dorm specifically set up for freshman who are majoring in the Arts. It has a performance space, practice rooms, a classroom where some freshman classes (theory, for one) are offered, and it's super close to the music school, which is a great benefit since the majority of her time will be spent there (she'll have classes AND 2 hours every day of practice, if not more). 

So...next year is taken care of. But what about the following year? She may not be able to come home, except at Christmas and Spring Break, and may not want to spend the entire summer with us (for several reasons--just trust me on this). Dorms are great, with proximity and support and all, but they do close all holidays, and they don't stay open in the summer. So, essentially, she will be homeless for part of the year, if she chooses not to come home. 

Apartments are stable, not terribly expensive (although we think it'll cost about the same as the dorm), but farther out, and require more independence. 

I think it makes sense to get one after her Freshman year, although I, personally, LOVED the dorms and found the support tremendously helpful, esp since I was in a situation where I couldn't go home except for the two breaks, either. I do know many HATE the dorms, but I don't think this will be her experience, although it's hard to say. 

What do you think? What are your kids doing, or planning to do? 

[klmama]

That dorm sounds wonderful!

Dc2 loves dorm living and plans to stay in the dorms all four years.  This summer dc2 is home working a full time job; dc2 hopes to have an internship next summer, either in our city or elsewhere.  

Dc1 hated dorm living and moved into an apartment with a friend as soon as the university allowed.  With a lease to pay anyway, dc1 is working a job there this summer.

FWIW,  I do think the different attitudes about dorm living really boiled down to having a compatible roommate. 

[regentrude]

My DD stayed the required two years in the dorm which she tolerated but didn't love; she then moved into an apartment with two friends, and into a studio by herself for senior year.

My DS really hates living in the dorm and spent as little time there as possible. He can't wait to get an apartment and live without the constant presence of a stranger. (Oh, and he hates the "support", ie the floor meetings and the meddling of the well meaning RA)

A lot depends on personality. For an extrovert dorm living may be nice; for a strong introvert, not being able to have any privacy is hell, even if the room mate is nice.

ETA: Not coming home in the summer is a normal thing. My DD was home only the summer after freshman year. It is quite common for dorm living students who spend the summer at college to sublet a room or apartment from a student who lives in an apartment during the school year, but spends the summer on internships/coops/at home.

[8filltheheart]

I would wait until she finds her friend group and let her work it out with her friends. Fwiw, my kids have never lived on campus after freshman yr but have roomed with a bunch of friends in either houses or apts.

[plansrme]

I think apartment living while in college is great practice for post-college independent living.  It's half-way between a dorm and actually moving to a new city and finding, renting and maintaining your first post-college space.  I say it's half-way because it usually isn't as independent as a non-college apartment, as your landlord is typically renting primarily to students, rather than professionals, and most student-intensive complexes have other features that cater to students.

[klmama]

1 hour ago, regentrude said:

A lot depends on personality. For an extrovert dorm living may be nice; for a strong introvert, not being able to have any privacy is hell, even if the room mate is nice.

I would have agreed with all this until my dc had different experiences.  I do think personality matters, but more regarding desire for independence than where they fall on the introversion/extroversion scale. My  extremely independent, extroverted dc1 was the one who disliked sharing a room and having required floor meetings and an RA, while my less independent, introverted dc2 liked having having a roommate and an involved RA, specifically because it encouraged dc to do more than just hole up alone.  Dc still did that some, especially on weekends; people respected dc's need for significant alone time, so living in the dorm wasn't a problem.

[regentrude]

7 minutes ago, klmama said:

 people respected dc's need for significant alone time, so living in the dorm wasn't a problem.

how do you get significant alone time when you have a room mate?

[klmama]

Dc's roommate was very nice, but very busy.  Dc had the room alone many evenings and much of the weekend, because the roommate was gone a lot.   ETA: Part of dc's decision about roommate selection involved recognizing which activities were most likely to take a roommate away a lot. 

[regentrude]

27 minutes ago, klmama said:

Dc's roommate was very nice, but very busy.  Dc had the room alone many evenings and much of the weekend, because the roommate was gone a lot.   

My DS was that roommate ?

[Pawz4me]

DS22 spent his first two years in a private-but-affiliated-with-the-university dorm. It has the reputation as the place where the wealthy freshmen stay, but in reality the cost was only slightly more than a regular on-campus dorm room. And it had bigger rooms, its own dining hall and was MUCH closer to the heart of the campus than the traditional freshmen dorms. DS liked it enough that he stayed there his sophomore year, too. For junior and senior years he lived in an off campus, three bedroom apartment. It was much more expensive than living in the dorm with a meal plan. MUCH more. Part of the increased expense was due to rental rates and part to DS being a huge, healthy eater. His dorm meal plan was a fabulous money saver for us.

DS19 was an early college transfer student who was treated as the best of both--he had the option of living in a dorm (which is limited to freshmen unless one gets extremely lucky in a lottery) but in other respects was treated as a junior. He has diagnoses that entitled him to a private dorm room. He didn't absolutely hate it, but he sure didn't love it, either. I'm positive he would have absolutely hated sharing such a tiny space with another person. He's looking forward to living in a two-bedroom off-campus apartment for the upcoming school year. The apartment costs in his college town are significantly less than in DS22's, but we'll still end up paying considerably more than we did for his dorm room.

[ThisIsTheDay]

My dd lived on campus for all four years at GMU. The "dorms" were super nice, and only during freshman year did she share a room with someone. The rest were apartment style, four single rooms with a shared living space/kitchen. Even the single rooms were cheaper than living off campus, as you can imagine. Plus, with a kitchen, she wasn't required to pay $3800 a year for a meal plan.

Ds is transferring to a large urban university. The on- and off-campus housing is mixed buildings, often next to each other. As a transfer student, he was told he has virtually no chance at on campus, so he'll be looking off campus. There are many off campus buildings managed by companies who run them like dorms--roommate matching, individual leases, etc. I kind of hope he'll get one of those, because it just means less hassle: furnished, no need to set up utilities, internet, etc. And the lease lasts for a full year, so he can stay in the summer for classes, internship, job, etc.

[Corraleno]

I don't think this is something she can really decide this far in advance, but if she does decide to stay in the dorm beyond freshman year, I wouldn't worry about where she'd stay in the summer, as there are usually plenty of summer sublets available. The student housing office should have a list, or she may just hear of one through word of mouth.

[catz]

I think it just becomes apparent what to do as the year goes on.   I went to a big u where there were limited dorms and lots of people lived in apartments.   Some kids just ended up loving the dorms.   Some kids decided to apply to be RAs.  Some kids started pairing and tripling off to find apartments.   I lived in the dorm for 2 years then moved to an apartment.   I had my own apartment my last year.  So many factors at play.     It may depend on the culture of the arts major if she stays with that and it’s hard to know that ahead of time.  I’d start feeling her out maybe mid year to see what her thoughts are.   

[Mom22ns]

Ds lived in a dorm for 2 years before moving to a studio apartment. When he was in the dorm, he had a private bedroom, but shared a bathroom. He was ok there, but very ready to be away from the campus "support" which he was not interested in. Dd lived in a dorm one year, a 2-bedroom campus apartment the next year with one apartment-mate, and is going to live in an off-campus 2 bedroom next year. 

I hated living in the dorm, barely endured it for a year, and got off campus as soon as possible, but I do think dorms have improved enough to make this less of a mad push for kids today than it was when I was in school. 

I don't think it will be a question you'll have to answer OP. Your student will either be desperate to get out of the dorm or happy to stay. Either way, they'll let you know :).

 

[Analystmom]

My daughter is transferring from community college to university and she had the option of dorms or an apartment. She and her roomie chose an off-campus apartment that's managed by a company that specializes in student housing. She and her roomie are rather introverted and were not the least bit interested in all the noise and hoopla that can go with dorm living, so the apartment was a good choice. They got a 2 br, 2 ba, fully furnished, all utilities included (even internet), pet friendly apartment for significantly less than a comparable on-campus unit. 

I think the housing choice depends on what kind of college experience your dd wants. Mine was fine to be removed from campus, but others who may want close proximity to the social activities, etc, may prefer to stay on campus. 

[Chris in VA]

It's mostly because dorms close for holidays and don't open back up until right before class starts, so where would she live or go, you know? She needs a place that is actually open. For example, the dorms close during Spring Break. She may not be able to come to us for that amount of time. Or if she does, she may come back on a Saturday but she wouldn't have anywhere to go til Sunday evening bc the dorm wouldn't be open yet and no meals until dinner (but she could eat out so no big deal there). 

[regentrude]

37 minutes ago, Chris in VA said:

It's mostly because dorms close for holidays and don't open back up until right before class starts, so where would she live or go, you know? She needs a place that is actually open. For example, the dorms close during Spring Break. She may not be able to come to us for that amount of time. Or if she does, she may come back on a Saturday but she wouldn't have anywhere to go til Sunday evening bc the dorm wouldn't be open yet and no meals until dinner (but she could eat out so no big deal there). 

Many students don't go home for break. At some schools, certain dorms remain open to house those who cannot go home. Students stay with friends who live in town/close to town,  or house sit for people who are out of town that week.  And if it's a single night like being a day early, there's AirBnB, friends, motels. 

[katilac]

On 5/18/2018 at 9:12 AM, regentrude said:

 A lot depends on personality. For an extrovert dorm living may be nice; for a strong introvert, not being able to have any privacy is hell, even if the room mate is nice.

1

 

Both of my dds' universities have single rooms, so you have one or more suitemates and a common area, but can retreat to your own room easily. If you have that setup, the dorm can be good for an introvert, because they stumble into some casual socializing they might otherwise avoid, lol. 

Oldest will have a single studio (in the dorm) for junior year, she is definitely looking forward to that. 

3 hours ago, Chris in VA said:

It's mostly because dorms close for holidays and don't open back up until right before class starts, so where would she live or go, you know? She needs a place that is actually open. For example, the dorms close during Spring Break. She may not be able to come to us for that amount of time. Or if she does, she may come back on a Saturday but she wouldn't have anywhere to go til Sunday evening bc the dorm wouldn't be open yet and no meals until dinner (but she could eat out so no big deal there). 

 

Has she double-checked that they close for shorter holidays like spring break, and don't have any dorms open? Because that is a lot of closure! 

[regentrude]

7 minutes ago, katilac said:

Both of my dds' universities have single rooms, so you have one or more suitemates and a common area, but can retreat to your own room easily. If you have that setup, the dorm can be good for an introvert, because they stumble into some casual socializing they might otherwise avoid, lol. 

That sounds like a nice setup, but do they have those for all who want one? DS would have liked a single but didn't get one; he ended in a double. The school also has triple rooms where 3 students share the actual bedroom. Not even I as an extrovert would like that.

[katilac]

2 hours ago, regentrude said:

That sounds like a nice setup, but do they have those for all who want one? DS would have liked a single but didn't get one; he ended in a double. The school also has triple rooms where 3 students share the actual bedroom. Not even I as an extrovert would like that.

 

They do! It's awesome. Older dd's school just built a new dorm which I think has some doubles, but every other dorm is singles only. Youngest dd's is all singles. 

3 students in a room sounds horrifying. 

[klmama]

4 hours ago, katilac said:

3 students in a room sounds horrifying. 

My freshman dorm was all doubles and triples, and I was in a triple.  It was a good lesson in how different people could be.  I can't think of anything all three of us had in common other than that we wanted to get along with each other.   We all had a lot of compromising to do.  Fortunately, the rooms were large.  My dc's double room this year was tiny, tiny, tiny.